Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Fushigi Yuugi, but I do own my
OC Tansho.
Chapter 30
The Gentle Smile of an Emperor
The salty smell of the air fills my lungs as I stand alone on the docks, my long brown hair whipping into my face and sticking to my moist lips. I don't bother to pull the strands away. I let them go where they please.
His last kiss is still prominent on my trembling lips; I don't want to risk wiping it away along with my tangled hair. I can still feel him pressed against my body, warming my chilled skin with his arms. His words are still ringing in my ears. His face is still burned into my mind. His sloped, pond-water eyes and unruly fire-red hair are etched in a magnificent, flawless portrait of beauty in my head. And I can still taste his last kiss.
He kept his promise to me, just as he has kept all his other promises before this one. He didn't tell me good-bye. He never spoke the words to me. And even though a part of me wanted to hear them for comfort, a much bigger part of me knew that I couldn't bear the sound of them. And I will forever be grateful to him for not saying those two words to me.
Even though I am soothed by not hearing those words, I am still aware that the image of him smiling at me, leaning nonchalantly on the banister of the ship's starboard side as it moves away from the dock, is slowly breaking me apart. He's leaving me. He waves and I quickly wave back to him, desperate to keep contact with him for as long as possible. But after only a few minutes, when the ship's monstrous sails catch a billow of wind, the sight of his hair suddenly changes from the blazing fire of a hearth into the minuscule flame of an oil lamp. He's moving farther and farther away from me.
I remain on the docks for nearly half an hour, my eyes straining to catch a final glimpse of the white sails and Tasuki's unmistakable hair. But the imperial ship has disappeared somewhere between the sea and the sky, the sails seeming to turn into clouds floating above the water. And I can no longer see him. I reach my hand up to my ears and gently pull the blue and red beaded earrings, my lover's gift to me. I clutch the delicate wooden box in my other hand. I cannot believe it. I no longer have him
I still stand there, unmoving. My eyes blink frantically, thinking that it is only my mind and not reality that has finally taken him from my view. I chew my bottom lip vigorously without my even realizing it. The metallic taste of blood is suddenly on my tongue, and I finally stop my teeth from doing more damage by opening my mouth to sigh. I feel tears flooding behind my eyelids, threatening to pour out. I hold them back bravely, not wanting my grief to begin its destruction of my soul.
Before he left me to board the ship with his comrades, I had received the great honor of being introduced to the priestess and the other warriors who I had never met but had heard much about. I met Tamahome, the young man I had seen once before in the tavern, who was obviously Tasuki's friend but seemed to almost resent the fact. I met Chiriko, whom I was surprised to see was a mere boy, but from whose soul I sensed something more powerful than any sorcery. I met Mitsukake, a giant of a man with chiseled features and a soothing, almost medicine-like air about him that had greatly eased my sorrow-filled heart. And although I already knew Nuriko and Chichiri, I made a point to speak to the both of them and offer my wishes for a safe journey and return to Konan.
But when I saw that petite, sweet-faced girl-child, who appeared to have barely entered womanhood, I was moved by something I did not understand. I was skeptical at first, thinking to myself sardonically, THIS is our savior? But I knew in the far corners of my heart that the angelic demeanor of this girl was only the armor of her true soul. I sensed unbelievable emotion emitting from her every pore. Her courage flowed from her into me when she enthusiastically reached her hand out to grasp mine before bowing formally to me. I returned the greeting, though I'm sure my eyes were wide with disbelief and my mouth hanging open from pure shock. This girl-child, this little creature who appeared as frail as an autumn leaf, was our priestess. She would be the one to save us. And although I would never again see her in my life, I would forever remember her.
I am finally startled out of my reverie by a heavy yet gentle hand on my trembling shoulder. I turn quickly to find myself staring into the unearthly amber eyes of the exquisitely dressed young man I had noticed earlier. His calm face is molded into a sympathetic smile, and I feel a strong urge to throw myself into his arms and weep. But I stare, transfixed by his towering stature and refined demeanor. Who in the hells is he?
"Tansho?" he asks, his voice as equally soothing as his handsome face, "That is your name, is it not?"
"Yes. sir," I answer, feeling that I should show some amount of respect to him due to the obviously high-ranking garments he's wearing-even if I have no idea who he is or what rank he holds.
He smiles again and turns away from me for a second to speak to an older man by his side. "Please call Miss Tansho a coach and have two armored guards escort her back to The Black Dove tavern in the city," he replies. The older man bows and calls to a servant boy nearby, who immediately hurries off to the anterior of the palace.
I continue to stare in confusion and shock. A coach? For me? And guards to escort me?
Then, like a bolt of lightning to my head, I suddenly realize who the young man in front of me is. Tasuki had told me that his Highness Hotohori would arrange for me to be escorted home. Highness. Is it possible? Could this young man be him.the emperor?! The other warrior of Suzaku?
"I assume that Tasuki informed you of the steps and precautions that would be taken in order to assure your safety during his absence?" He asks me, returning his strong gaze to me.
"Y-yes," I reply, nodding stupidly, "Yes, Your Highness, he did.th- thank you very much for.for.offering your assistance." I continue to stare rudely at him; my mouth continues to hang open.
He laughs and grins at my nervous stuttering, trying to comfort me with his cheerful and collected composure. "Do not worry yourself, Tansho. I will make sure that you are well protected until Tasuki returns. I had hoped you might reconsider my offer, though. Are you certain you would rather return to the tavern and not remain here?"
I am only able to nod my head as an answer, and thankfully he understands and says no more.
The sound of steady footfalls and wooden wheels grinding into dirt finally startles me out of my foolish rudeness and shock. A hand-drawn coach, small by royal standards but lavish by a peasant harlot's, pulls to the edge of the dock and halts, obviously waiting for me to board. Two guards in decorative armor with spears in hand stand on each side, waiting for their charge.
"Come," the young emperor replies, motioning his hand for me to walk with him. I notice that his older attendants scurry close to his side, their old eyes still alert and bright. I walk beside him in silence, still overwhelmed by the treatment I am receiving that I would have never expected.
The young man pulling the rickshaw-like coach lowers his handlebar to the ground to allow me to board. In a surprising gesture that makes me blink and gasp, the emperor holds out his hand for me to take. I slowly lift my arm and lay my palm on his as my bare foot carefully presses down on the single step of the coach. Steadying me gently, he helps me stand on the step so I can seat myself delicately without making the rickshaw topple over backwards. When sure that I am seated safely and comfortable, he releases my hand and smiles broadly at me as if he enjoyed helping me into the coach. I return his smile with a low bow of my head to show respect. I must admit to myself how admirable he is for remaining behind in his country even though his heart must long to follow after his priestess. He cares for his empire and for his people, and I respect him greatly for it.
As the servant lifts the handlebar and levels the rickshaw with the ground, I feel as if I am in a fantasy world. Never before have I sat on such plush cushions so soft that I sink in them. Never before have I had a person-much less an emperor-help me into a coach. Never before has so many steps been taken to assure my safety and well being. My love for Tasuki and his obvious love for me overtakes me and I press my eyelids closed to keep myself from sprouting fountains of tears.
"Thank you, Your Highness," I whisper in a barely audible voice, trying my best to keep myself under control. I don't know what in hell I will do if I begin to weep into front of my ruler.
His jubilant smile alights on his face once again. I am amazed how much this man smiles. He seems eternally happy-as if some source of joy is constantly feeding him. "You are very welcome." Those are his last words to me, for he nods to the driver and I feel the light tug as the rickshaw begins to move forward.
As the coach gently begins to roll away from the docks and to the palace gates, the rhythmic sound of my driver and guards' footsteps pounding into the dirt, everything begins to sink into my bones. I spoke to the emperor of Konan. I am being escorted home by his command. And all of this is because of Tasuki. His love for me is reaching across the ocean to protect me in the form of imperial guards and an order from an emperor. And only in this moment as the wind blows gently in my tangled brown hair do I realize something that I should have realized long ago. As I sink happily into the soft cushion of the silk pillows around my body, I realize how much I am truly loved in the heart of a man. A man drifting away on a desolate and treacherous sea-with a woman waiting for his return on an equally desolate and treacherous land.
I run my fingers over the flawless, cool wood of my jewelry box in my lap and press it to my cheek to feel the smoothness of it on my skin. I then lift my fingers to the precious earrings that dangle from my earlobes. Tasuki's gifts to me, and, if he never returns to me, the only things that I will possess of him other than my vivid memories.
As we exit the southern gates of the palace, the ones that I burst through the night before in my desperation to get to my beloved, I don't try to think of how long it will be before I see him again.I simply try to think of that wonderful day when he returns, and how many things will have changed for me when the sun goes down at its end.
A/N: Yet another new chapter for all of you!! I hope you enjoyed it!
Reply to Reviewers:
Mary: Believe it or not, but I actually almost wrote it that way (with the women accompanying Tansho to the palace), but I soon realized how imperative it was to the storyline for them all to stay at the tavern (you'll find out soon, too.)
Frechiecangal: You and Kitty Lynne had the same question about Nuriko, so I'll answer it for both of you. Chapter 29 took place after Tamahome's family was murdered by Suboshi, and I made Nuriko so unappropiately upbeat because Hotohori wanted them not to tell Tasuki about it just yet (I changed the actual timing of this event because of Tansho, but it did take place in the anime.)
Kitty Lynne: Hey there, hon! I've missed you! ^_^ Well, I thought my depressing chapters could use a little bit of humor to lighten the mood, so I decided to pop in a few cute parts. And Hotohori's hair is brown? Dude, I must be color blind or something!! I swear I've NEVER thought of it as anything but gray! That's so weird, huh? Well, you asked when Chapter 29 took place (after the deaths of Tama's family) and I explain it all in Frenchiecangal's reply if you wanna check it out. But I'm kinda confused by your last question concerning Tama and Tasuki. I'll e-mail you soon so we can discuss it better, OK?
Cacat-angel: Hey, Angel!! My wonderful e-mail buddy!! You know, I'm so happy you noticed how I kinda refrained from sexual situations in this last chapter. I tried to plan this fic out so that there would be a big cluster of lemons to give the illusion of a quick, hot love affair fueled by lust and little else. But now I've kinda made them come down off their high and allowing them to discover each other emotionally. And you know, I actually thought of letting Tansho go with Tasuki (how cool would that be to have her present during all the crazy stuff going on in Hokkan and Sairo), but I then saw that this is what quite a few of my readers expected me to do. Then I thought of her staying in the palace all safe and sound, but a few people expected that as well. So I had to go with the unimaginable option for her-return to the tavern. Sad, yes.but I've written some pretty good stuff that couldn't have ever taken place on the trip or in the palace. ^_^ And I was also kinda relieved to see that you noticed something was kinda missing from this chapter. I thought it was just me and my over-loaded mind. Thanks for pointing it out to me, hon- you're a great friend. I'll try my best to get back to my best. ^_^
Thanks to everyone else for your reviews. Even the shortest ones encourage me by letting me know you're taking to time to tell me how much you love my fic!!!
Chapter 30
The Gentle Smile of an Emperor
The salty smell of the air fills my lungs as I stand alone on the docks, my long brown hair whipping into my face and sticking to my moist lips. I don't bother to pull the strands away. I let them go where they please.
His last kiss is still prominent on my trembling lips; I don't want to risk wiping it away along with my tangled hair. I can still feel him pressed against my body, warming my chilled skin with his arms. His words are still ringing in my ears. His face is still burned into my mind. His sloped, pond-water eyes and unruly fire-red hair are etched in a magnificent, flawless portrait of beauty in my head. And I can still taste his last kiss.
He kept his promise to me, just as he has kept all his other promises before this one. He didn't tell me good-bye. He never spoke the words to me. And even though a part of me wanted to hear them for comfort, a much bigger part of me knew that I couldn't bear the sound of them. And I will forever be grateful to him for not saying those two words to me.
Even though I am soothed by not hearing those words, I am still aware that the image of him smiling at me, leaning nonchalantly on the banister of the ship's starboard side as it moves away from the dock, is slowly breaking me apart. He's leaving me. He waves and I quickly wave back to him, desperate to keep contact with him for as long as possible. But after only a few minutes, when the ship's monstrous sails catch a billow of wind, the sight of his hair suddenly changes from the blazing fire of a hearth into the minuscule flame of an oil lamp. He's moving farther and farther away from me.
I remain on the docks for nearly half an hour, my eyes straining to catch a final glimpse of the white sails and Tasuki's unmistakable hair. But the imperial ship has disappeared somewhere between the sea and the sky, the sails seeming to turn into clouds floating above the water. And I can no longer see him. I reach my hand up to my ears and gently pull the blue and red beaded earrings, my lover's gift to me. I clutch the delicate wooden box in my other hand. I cannot believe it. I no longer have him
I still stand there, unmoving. My eyes blink frantically, thinking that it is only my mind and not reality that has finally taken him from my view. I chew my bottom lip vigorously without my even realizing it. The metallic taste of blood is suddenly on my tongue, and I finally stop my teeth from doing more damage by opening my mouth to sigh. I feel tears flooding behind my eyelids, threatening to pour out. I hold them back bravely, not wanting my grief to begin its destruction of my soul.
Before he left me to board the ship with his comrades, I had received the great honor of being introduced to the priestess and the other warriors who I had never met but had heard much about. I met Tamahome, the young man I had seen once before in the tavern, who was obviously Tasuki's friend but seemed to almost resent the fact. I met Chiriko, whom I was surprised to see was a mere boy, but from whose soul I sensed something more powerful than any sorcery. I met Mitsukake, a giant of a man with chiseled features and a soothing, almost medicine-like air about him that had greatly eased my sorrow-filled heart. And although I already knew Nuriko and Chichiri, I made a point to speak to the both of them and offer my wishes for a safe journey and return to Konan.
But when I saw that petite, sweet-faced girl-child, who appeared to have barely entered womanhood, I was moved by something I did not understand. I was skeptical at first, thinking to myself sardonically, THIS is our savior? But I knew in the far corners of my heart that the angelic demeanor of this girl was only the armor of her true soul. I sensed unbelievable emotion emitting from her every pore. Her courage flowed from her into me when she enthusiastically reached her hand out to grasp mine before bowing formally to me. I returned the greeting, though I'm sure my eyes were wide with disbelief and my mouth hanging open from pure shock. This girl-child, this little creature who appeared as frail as an autumn leaf, was our priestess. She would be the one to save us. And although I would never again see her in my life, I would forever remember her.
I am finally startled out of my reverie by a heavy yet gentle hand on my trembling shoulder. I turn quickly to find myself staring into the unearthly amber eyes of the exquisitely dressed young man I had noticed earlier. His calm face is molded into a sympathetic smile, and I feel a strong urge to throw myself into his arms and weep. But I stare, transfixed by his towering stature and refined demeanor. Who in the hells is he?
"Tansho?" he asks, his voice as equally soothing as his handsome face, "That is your name, is it not?"
"Yes. sir," I answer, feeling that I should show some amount of respect to him due to the obviously high-ranking garments he's wearing-even if I have no idea who he is or what rank he holds.
He smiles again and turns away from me for a second to speak to an older man by his side. "Please call Miss Tansho a coach and have two armored guards escort her back to The Black Dove tavern in the city," he replies. The older man bows and calls to a servant boy nearby, who immediately hurries off to the anterior of the palace.
I continue to stare in confusion and shock. A coach? For me? And guards to escort me?
Then, like a bolt of lightning to my head, I suddenly realize who the young man in front of me is. Tasuki had told me that his Highness Hotohori would arrange for me to be escorted home. Highness. Is it possible? Could this young man be him.the emperor?! The other warrior of Suzaku?
"I assume that Tasuki informed you of the steps and precautions that would be taken in order to assure your safety during his absence?" He asks me, returning his strong gaze to me.
"Y-yes," I reply, nodding stupidly, "Yes, Your Highness, he did.th- thank you very much for.for.offering your assistance." I continue to stare rudely at him; my mouth continues to hang open.
He laughs and grins at my nervous stuttering, trying to comfort me with his cheerful and collected composure. "Do not worry yourself, Tansho. I will make sure that you are well protected until Tasuki returns. I had hoped you might reconsider my offer, though. Are you certain you would rather return to the tavern and not remain here?"
I am only able to nod my head as an answer, and thankfully he understands and says no more.
The sound of steady footfalls and wooden wheels grinding into dirt finally startles me out of my foolish rudeness and shock. A hand-drawn coach, small by royal standards but lavish by a peasant harlot's, pulls to the edge of the dock and halts, obviously waiting for me to board. Two guards in decorative armor with spears in hand stand on each side, waiting for their charge.
"Come," the young emperor replies, motioning his hand for me to walk with him. I notice that his older attendants scurry close to his side, their old eyes still alert and bright. I walk beside him in silence, still overwhelmed by the treatment I am receiving that I would have never expected.
The young man pulling the rickshaw-like coach lowers his handlebar to the ground to allow me to board. In a surprising gesture that makes me blink and gasp, the emperor holds out his hand for me to take. I slowly lift my arm and lay my palm on his as my bare foot carefully presses down on the single step of the coach. Steadying me gently, he helps me stand on the step so I can seat myself delicately without making the rickshaw topple over backwards. When sure that I am seated safely and comfortable, he releases my hand and smiles broadly at me as if he enjoyed helping me into the coach. I return his smile with a low bow of my head to show respect. I must admit to myself how admirable he is for remaining behind in his country even though his heart must long to follow after his priestess. He cares for his empire and for his people, and I respect him greatly for it.
As the servant lifts the handlebar and levels the rickshaw with the ground, I feel as if I am in a fantasy world. Never before have I sat on such plush cushions so soft that I sink in them. Never before have I had a person-much less an emperor-help me into a coach. Never before has so many steps been taken to assure my safety and well being. My love for Tasuki and his obvious love for me overtakes me and I press my eyelids closed to keep myself from sprouting fountains of tears.
"Thank you, Your Highness," I whisper in a barely audible voice, trying my best to keep myself under control. I don't know what in hell I will do if I begin to weep into front of my ruler.
His jubilant smile alights on his face once again. I am amazed how much this man smiles. He seems eternally happy-as if some source of joy is constantly feeding him. "You are very welcome." Those are his last words to me, for he nods to the driver and I feel the light tug as the rickshaw begins to move forward.
As the coach gently begins to roll away from the docks and to the palace gates, the rhythmic sound of my driver and guards' footsteps pounding into the dirt, everything begins to sink into my bones. I spoke to the emperor of Konan. I am being escorted home by his command. And all of this is because of Tasuki. His love for me is reaching across the ocean to protect me in the form of imperial guards and an order from an emperor. And only in this moment as the wind blows gently in my tangled brown hair do I realize something that I should have realized long ago. As I sink happily into the soft cushion of the silk pillows around my body, I realize how much I am truly loved in the heart of a man. A man drifting away on a desolate and treacherous sea-with a woman waiting for his return on an equally desolate and treacherous land.
I run my fingers over the flawless, cool wood of my jewelry box in my lap and press it to my cheek to feel the smoothness of it on my skin. I then lift my fingers to the precious earrings that dangle from my earlobes. Tasuki's gifts to me, and, if he never returns to me, the only things that I will possess of him other than my vivid memories.
As we exit the southern gates of the palace, the ones that I burst through the night before in my desperation to get to my beloved, I don't try to think of how long it will be before I see him again.I simply try to think of that wonderful day when he returns, and how many things will have changed for me when the sun goes down at its end.
A/N: Yet another new chapter for all of you!! I hope you enjoyed it!
Reply to Reviewers:
Mary: Believe it or not, but I actually almost wrote it that way (with the women accompanying Tansho to the palace), but I soon realized how imperative it was to the storyline for them all to stay at the tavern (you'll find out soon, too.)
Frechiecangal: You and Kitty Lynne had the same question about Nuriko, so I'll answer it for both of you. Chapter 29 took place after Tamahome's family was murdered by Suboshi, and I made Nuriko so unappropiately upbeat because Hotohori wanted them not to tell Tasuki about it just yet (I changed the actual timing of this event because of Tansho, but it did take place in the anime.)
Kitty Lynne: Hey there, hon! I've missed you! ^_^ Well, I thought my depressing chapters could use a little bit of humor to lighten the mood, so I decided to pop in a few cute parts. And Hotohori's hair is brown? Dude, I must be color blind or something!! I swear I've NEVER thought of it as anything but gray! That's so weird, huh? Well, you asked when Chapter 29 took place (after the deaths of Tama's family) and I explain it all in Frenchiecangal's reply if you wanna check it out. But I'm kinda confused by your last question concerning Tama and Tasuki. I'll e-mail you soon so we can discuss it better, OK?
Cacat-angel: Hey, Angel!! My wonderful e-mail buddy!! You know, I'm so happy you noticed how I kinda refrained from sexual situations in this last chapter. I tried to plan this fic out so that there would be a big cluster of lemons to give the illusion of a quick, hot love affair fueled by lust and little else. But now I've kinda made them come down off their high and allowing them to discover each other emotionally. And you know, I actually thought of letting Tansho go with Tasuki (how cool would that be to have her present during all the crazy stuff going on in Hokkan and Sairo), but I then saw that this is what quite a few of my readers expected me to do. Then I thought of her staying in the palace all safe and sound, but a few people expected that as well. So I had to go with the unimaginable option for her-return to the tavern. Sad, yes.but I've written some pretty good stuff that couldn't have ever taken place on the trip or in the palace. ^_^ And I was also kinda relieved to see that you noticed something was kinda missing from this chapter. I thought it was just me and my over-loaded mind. Thanks for pointing it out to me, hon- you're a great friend. I'll try my best to get back to my best. ^_^
Thanks to everyone else for your reviews. Even the shortest ones encourage me by letting me know you're taking to time to tell me how much you love my fic!!!