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Chapter 22: Complicated Relationships

The weekend before school started was rather hectic and the Sutherland girls didn't get a chance to go out much. Jade complained, but Kirsty didn't mind much; being inside was better than going outside, to the beach or the Diner, and having to watch Kane and Emma play happy families. She knew that she was jealous, but she couldn't help it. Though she thought a lot of Seb and had truly tried to put the past behind her, she could not deny that she still loved Kane and seeing him with someone else hurt more than she had thought that it would.

On Sunday night, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Memories of the times she had shared with Kane went round and round in her head until she felt as though she was beginning to go crazy. What if they hadn't returned to the Bay? What if they had refused to let her family, their guilt about hurting Dani, come between them? Kirsty knew that they could have stayed together, could have overcome all the obstacles eventually.

She waited until she was sure that Jade was asleep before getting out of bed and sitting down at her desk. Taking a piece of paper, she sat and wrote, pouring out all her emotions in a letter to Kane. She wrote about their time together after the shipwreck, how she had come to realise that he wasn't as bad as she had first thought. I was so frightened when I found out that I was falling in love with you. I didn't want to hurt anyone but I couldn't deny my feelings. Then she went on to explain how devastated she had been when he left her. I know that you were only trying to do the right thing, but I really wish that you had stayed with me. It hurt so much when you left me and even though the pain faded in time, it never really went away. We are meant to be together, Kane, you know we are. I think about you all the time, whenever you smile at me, I still get butterflies in my stomach. When you hold me in your arms, I feel so safe, it's like we are the only two people in the world. I wish we were, I wish we could be together properly without having to worry about hurting everyone. I want you, I need you, and I will always love you, now and forever. Always thinking of you, your darling Kirsty.

Kirsty folded it, slipped in into an envelope and wrote his name on the front. She sat with it in her hand for a few moments, staring out of the window at the moon, which was nearly full. Writing it had done her good and now she really wanted him to read it, but she knew that it was not possible. No matter how much she loved him, she didn't want to get hurt and she knew that right now, it wasn't her he wanted. And she didn't want to be the one to spoil his chance of happiness.

Beginning to grow tired and knowing that she had an early start the next day, she placed the envelope on top of her schoolbooks and got into bed. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep.

*~*~*~*

The following day was the first day of term and it was quite a rush in the Sutherland household. All of them woke up late and the three girls and Max had to hurry to get their things together and get to school. As she picked up her books, Kirsty noticed the letter she had left there the night before and shoved it into her bag without thinking before hurrying down the stairs to catch up with her twin sister.

The morning passed reasonably uneventfully. Lucy, being younger, wasn't in the same classes as the twins, but she walked to school with them and they met up at lunchtime. The younger girl seemed happy enough; she liked everything about the school, her classmates and even the teachers.

They went to the Diner for lunch, with Nick, Seb and Dylan. The atmosphere was a little tense, Seb was ignoring Kirsty and she did the same to him, though Nick, Jade, Lucy and Dylan tried their best to lighten things up. Lucy tried her best to act cool and sophisticated, wanting to show Dylan how mature and adult she could be, but Nick made a joke when she had just taken a drink of coke and it all fizzled out of her nose. She was very embarrassed, but Dylan just smiled and handed her a tissue to clean herself up with, telling the others not to laugh at her. Lucy decided that she liked him even more after that, not only was he good-looking, but he was also nice, even if he was older. All she needed to do was convince him that she was mature enough for him to go out with.

When they got back to school, Kirsty suddenly remembered the letter and decided that she should probably put it in her locker where it would be safe until she had decided what to do with it. But when she opened her bag, she was alarmed to see that the envelope was no longer there. Trying to stay calm, she rooted through her bag, telling herself that it must have slipped inside one of her books. But after five minutes of frantic searching, Kirsty was forced to admit that it wasn't there. It had no doubt fallen out, but she had no idea where. It could be anywhere, Kane could find it, or Emma, or even her parents.

Throwing her books back into her bag, Kirsty hurried down the corridor in the direction of the main door, keeping an eye out for Mr. Fisher or any of the teachers. Lunch was very nearly over, but she didn't care. She needed to find the letter and quickly.

"Kirsty!" Not paying much attention to what was in front of her, she walked right into Dani. "What's the rush?"

"I've lost something," Kirsty was in too much of a hurry to come up with anything but the truth. "A letter…and I have to find it again. It's very important!"

"To Kane?" Dani asked and her sister looked at her in surprise. "I found it in the garden this morning, just after you had gone."

"Have you still got it?"

"No," the older girl shook her head. "I gave it to Alf and he said that he'll see that Kane gets it. Are you all right, Kirst?" She looked at her younger sister with some concern. "You look pale."

"I'm fine," Kirsty muttered, turning away. "Thanks Dani, I have to get to class." It was no use being annoyed at her older sister, she had only been trying to help, but she knew that it was useless to try and get the letter back now. Kane had probably already read it. She could only hope that he would understand…and perhaps even be a little bit pleased.

Next chapter: Kane has a lot of explaining to do when Kirsty's letter falls into the wrong hands.