Chapter 24: Matters of the Heart

The next few weeks passed quickly and with no real incident. Lucy settled in well at school, and still spent most of her time with the Sutherlands, in particular Jade. She had also seen a lot of Dylan, and the more she saw of him, the more she liked him. The age gap didn't worry her, and she didn't even consider what her family would think, she just wanted a chance to go out with him. But he didn't really seem to notice her, not in the way she wanted him to.

One lunchtime when she and Jade met Dylan in the Diner. Seb and Nick had stayed at school and they had no idea where Kirsty was, she had been avoiding them a lot, though they didn't know why. It didn't bother Lucy though, she much preferred Jade anyway. They were laughing and joking about the horrors of homework, when Dylan turned the conversation in a more serious direction.

"What's wrong with Kirsty these days?" he asked. "I saw her earlier and she looked really miserable."

"Kirsty gets like this sometimes," Jade shrugged and took a sip of her drink. "I asked her last night, but she just said it was nothing."

"It's probably about Seb," Lucy offered. "They still aren't speaking and he doesn't seem interested in making up."

"Well whatever it is, it is best to just leave her be. She'll snap out of it in the end."

They sat in silence for a moment or two, just thinking.

"So how's your love life these days, Dylan?" Jade teased, suddenly changing the subject. "Anyone special?"

"Unfortunately not," he flashed one of his laid-back smiles. "You have anyone in mind?"

"Actually, I have. How about you and Lucy come out with me and Nick?" Jade suggested, quickly glancing at Lucy. "You know, like a double date?"

Dylan paused for a moment; then smiled again at them both. "Sure," he said. "Why not? Saturday night?"

"That's good for me," Jade nodded. "Lucy?"

"Fine," Lucy smiled broadly, feeling as though her heart was going to burst with excitement. "Saturday night will be absolutely fine."

With Lucy at school, Susan often at the Drop-In Centre or over at the Sutherland house and Benny and Jess both working, Emma was often left alone with Jordan and the two dogs. But although there were times when she wished that she could be at school too, learning and mixing with other people, she generally found things to occupy her time. If there was a bit of cleaning to be done, she would do it, or do some preparation for dinner. Just before lunch, she would take Jordan and the dogs for a walk, sometimes eating in the Diner or going to visit her brother at work. Some days they went to see Allee, who was out of hospital and making good progress, but was under strict orders to take things very easy, or occasionally stopped by to see Leah. Sometimes she took care of VJ for a few hours while his mum was working.

Kane spent his mornings pouring over the job section in the paper, driving around Yabbie Creek, looking for a job. He was beginning to grow desperate, his savings wouldn't last for much longer and he had no idea what he would do if he didn't have a job by the time they ran out. He had his aunt to think about, and although he knew that Emma expected nothing from him, he liked taking her out, buying things for little Jordan.

They often met up in the afternoons, even if only for an hour or so. If it were a particularly nice day, they would go to the beach, or they would go to Kane's house, watch videos and talk. Sometimes they went to Emma's house, but not often, they both felt a little uncomfortable knowing that Benny could return early or that Susan could walk in at any time. They also spent at least three evenings a week together, while Susan, Jess or Leah looked after Jordan. It was a nice arrangement, one that suited them both.

One cloudy afternoon, when Leah had taken Jordan for a couple of hours, they were lying on Kane's sofa, watching TV and fooling around, tickling each other and kissing. They were involved in a particularly passionate kiss when Kane decided to take things a step further.

Slowly, wanting to see her reaction but not wanting to overstep the mark, he slid his hands under her loose shirt and began to stroke the bare skin of her back. It felt nice, but Emma still froze, afraid that he would try and go further.

"Don't!" She sat up quickly. "Please don't!"

"It's alright," Kane sat up too, though he made no attempt to touch her just then. "It's alright, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"No, it's me," Emma shook her head, a little embarrassed. "What you were doing was all right, it was nice. It's just I…I know it sounds stupid, but I just started worrying that you might want to go further. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Come here," Kane put his arms around her and held her tightly. She leant against him, resting her cheek again his shoulder. "There's no rush," he whispered, gently rubbing her back. "I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you, we'll take things as slowly as you want to. It doesn't matter to me."

"Really?"

"Yes," he murmured, brushing his lips against the top of her head. "I can't deny that I've been thinking about it and I really want to…want us to sleep together, because I love you and I want to be close to you, show you just how much you really mean to me. But I only want us to do it when you're certain that you're ready. I can wait as long as it takes, and I will."

Emma raised her head to look at him. "No pressure then?"

"No pressure," Kane promised, taking the opportunity to kiss her gently. "We'll go as slow as you need to. You make the rules."

She continued to look at him, eyes wide. "I need to ask you a question," she said quietly, "and I need assurance that you will be totally honest with me. Even if I don't like the answer…I still want to know."

"Of course I'll be honest," Kane promised. "What's on your mind?"

"Have there been-" Emma hesitated briefly, "many other women?"

"A couple," he admitted, "but nothing serious. There was a girl before I came to Summer Bay; that was my first time. Just the one time, I was a bit too screwed up to have any proper relationships back then. Then I had a brief relationship with a girl after I left Kirsty…it was a kind of a rebound thing and it didn't last any longer than a few weeks. And there was Dani, but that…"

"Was different," she finished for him. There was a long pause. "So neither of them meant anything to you?"

"It was just sex, plain and simple." He looked into her eyes as he spoke and Emma was sure that he was telling the truth. "On both sides, neither of them wanted anything more either."

"I see." He took her hands in his and Emma let him. "What about Kirsty, you never slept with her?"

"No," Kane immediately shook his head. "We were…tempted, but we never did. Even though we were in love back then, and you can't help whom you fall in love with, it still felt so wrong."

"It was wrong," Her eyes fixed on his; she gently reached up to touch his cheek. "I know that sometimes people fall in love with people they shouldn't, but I have to take Dani's side. If Lucy started seeing the man who…hurt me, I would never be able to forgive her for such a deep betrayal. And nothing will stop me detesting him for the rest of my life, even if he made a public apology. Dani is braver and more forgiving than I am, she was able to forgive Kirsty in the end, and give you a second chance, but to expect her to accept you as a couple was expecting far too much. I'm glad that you had the sense to not let things go too far."

"I never should have got involved in the first place." Kane squeezed her hands tightly; afraid that what he was going to say might make her pull away. "I should have been stronger and walked away at the beginning, before our feelings had grown too strong. I behaved so stupidly, I know. But she was the first person to look beyond everything I'd done in the past and she said she loved me…no one had ever said that to me before. And I was afraid that no one else ever would…be able to love me, I mean."

"Well that's not true!" Emma said at once. "Is it? Because I know the things you did before and I love you despite them. You hear that? I love you, Kane Philips. Just don't forget that."

They settled back on the sofa and Kane slid a hand back under her shirt, just allowing it to rest on her back but made no attempt to go further. Though they settled back into watching the program, Emma couldn't concentrate. She was thinking about earlier events…

Next chapter: Dani, Allee, Hayley and Emma have a girl's night in.