Chapter 29: One Step Further

That afternoon, when Lucy had left them to meet Jade, Nick, Seb and Dylan in the Diner, Emma took Jordan down to the jetty to see the boats to try and cheer him up. He was teething and was very irritable, crying constantly. In the end, she decided that it would be better to take him home. On the way back, they stopped to get him an ice-cream. Emma was just paying for it when Jordan suddenly stopped crying. A smile crossed his tearstained face. "Daddy!" he screeched happily. "Daddy!"

"Oh no," Emma muttered under her breath. "Please, no."

"Hello Emma," casually Kane walked up to them and smiled down at Jordan. "Hello there, little one," he said fondly. "How are you doing?"

"Got ice-cream." Jordan held it up to show him. Seeing Kane had made him a lot happier

"Get away from him!" Emma said fiercely. "Leave my baby alone, just leave us alone."

"Emma, I just want to talk to you. Please listen to me…"

"Well I don't want to talk to you." Seeing that she was beginning to get a little worked up, Kane tried to place a reassuring hand on her arm, but she quickly moved away from him. "What's wrong, Kirsty decided that she doesn't want you after all?"

"It wasn't like that-"

"Get away from me!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he raised his hands in defence and backed away from her. "I just wanted to see how you were both doing, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you betrayed me," she hissed at him. "Come on Jordy, let's get you home for a nap. Stay away from us, Kane. Right now I have nothing to say to you."

She walked off, head held high, not looking back. Jordan looked back however and waved. "Bye bye daddy."

"That's not daddy, Jordan," he heard Emma say, just before they turned the corner and disappeared from sight. She sounded sad. "That's just Kane."

That night, Emma was restless. She lay away until late, long after the rest of her family had fallen asleep. She read for a while, using her bedside lamp so as not to wake Jordan, but mostly she just stared up at the ceiling and thought about things. She was very confused about how she was feeling. Part of her was really angry with Kane, not only for kissing Kirsty but also for making her look like a fool, and she wanted to hurt him in return. But she couldn't deny that she still loved him and she wondered if she was being a little harsh in not giving him a chance to explain.

Finally, just after midnight, she gave up and went downstairs to make a drink. The kettle had just boiled when there was a tap on the back door. Laddie, who had followed her down and was lying under the kitchen table, growled uncertainly. Emma stared at the door but made no move towards it. There was a second knock and then another. Cautiously she moved nearer. "Who's there?"

"It's Kane."

"What are you doing here?" she rubbed at her eyes, wondering if it were all just a dream. "Stalking me? I've already told you that I don't want to talk to you. And if Benny catches you here, you'll have some broken bones to add to your collection of injuries."

"I don't care. We need to talk and I'm not leaving here until you listen to what I have to say. If you go back to bed, I'll just sit out here all night."

"Then you are a fool. If you had any sense, you would have stayed well away after that beating you got yesterday." She winced again at the sight of his battered and bruised face. "Does it…hurt a lot?"

"A fair bit, yes."

"Well you shouldn't have expected anything else. Benny is very protective and he doesn't like you anyway. He's been waiting for an excuse to do that since we got together."

"I know," Kane admitted honestly. "That's why I'm not reporting this. He might have gone a bit over the top, but I did deserve it and I know he was only looking out for you."

"That's very noble of you," Emma said, a little sarcastically. "Forgive me if I don't thank you too much." She shook her head wearily. "Go home, Kane."

"Not until we've talked," he insisted. "Come on, come outside for a while and let me explain. Please."

"If that's what I have to do to get rid of you." She opened the back door, put it on the latch to ensure that it wouldn't lock and carefully closed it behind her. The upstairs lights were all off and there was no sound. It was a pleasant night, very warm. "Get on with it then. You have five minutes and then I'm going back to bed."

"Not in a forgiving mood then," he said jokingly, but she just scowled at him. "Look, Em, I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry."

"Is that the best you can do?"

Kane sighed and sat down on the front steps, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Will you please sit down?" She hesitated for a moment and then reluctantly did as he asked, though she took care to stay some distance away from him. "I honestly don't know what to say, Em. I know that I've hurt you and that was the last thing I wanted to do. What happened with Kirsty yesterday, I never planned for it to happen."

"Let me guess. You just slipped and fell on her lips?"

"Kirsty was upset. I tried to comfort her, like any friend would, and she just kissed me. And I just…forgot everything else, I got caught up in the memories, but I should have pushed her away."

"Maybe," she agreed neutrally. She certainly wasn't going to make it easy for him. "Or maybe this was just the way it was meant to be. There is already unresolved feeling between the two of you-"

"Don't be so stupid, Em!" he cut her off immediately, knowing what she was getting at. "That kiss, it was a big mistake and it meant absolutely nothing. It's you I want now, not her. If I wanted to be with her then I'd be with her now. I wouldn't have taken all this trouble to get you to talk to me if I didn't really love you and want to be with you, would I?"

"I suppose not," Emma's voice softened as she regarded her boyfriend thoughtfully. "I want to believe what you're saying Kane, though there are some who would say that makes me a fool. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but you can't even begin to imagine how difficult it was for me to let myself trust you after everything in the past and now you've done this…I'm just not sure whether I can get that back."

"I know that what I did was terrible," unable to hold back any longer, Kane took her hand. She didn't pull away, though she seemed tense. "I know that I hurt you a lot and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. I'll do anything to make it up to you."

"I believe that you're sorry and I don't doubt that your regret is genuine." Emma looked into his eyes and smiled sadly before looking away. "That's not what I'm questioning. I don't know, maybe it would be better to end this now."

"No! You can't throw everything we have away over some stupid mistake!"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Kane Philips!" She hissed angrily, pulling her hand away. "I'll do whatever I feel is best for me and my son."

"But-"

"Truth is," Emma continued, not giving him a chance to speak. "I've always been a little jealous of Kirsty. It's never been easy seeing her everywhere and knowing that you and her used to be together. And it doesn't help knowing that she is still in love with you. Lucy says that she talks about you all the time and it's clear that she believes that one day you are going to realise that it her you love and not me. I've tried to be understanding, I know there are unresolved feelings, I know you feel guilty about how it all ended and you've tried to be her friend, but enough is enough."

"I didn't realise you felt jealous of her," he took her hand again. "You should have said something."

"I didn't want to be seen as the jealous, clingy girlfriend. I figured that if you wanted to be friendly with her, it wasn't my place to try and stop you. Mind you, that was partly because I trusted you not to let anything go on behind my back."

"That's just one of the many things I love about you. You always try to understand. Please, can't we just put this down as a terrible mistake that will never be repeated? I can't bear the thought of losing you over this."

"How do I know that it will never be repeated, Kane?"

"I won't let it happen again," he swore. "I'll tell Kirsty that we can't be friends and it's best if we just stay away from each other and try to move on. I don't know if it will work, but I'll certainly stay away from her. If I do that, will you give me a second chance?"

"I will," she nodded and looked at him again. "I must be a fool, but I love you too much to let something like this break us up. I shall give you one last chance. On one condition."

He looked surprised. "What?"

"I really do need you to be sure that you want me and not her." Kane started to say something, but Emma shook her head and continued speaking. "I know what you have been saying and I do believe it, but I know that you aren't completely over her and sometimes I wonder if you are really being honest with yourself. Are you with me because you believe that you can't be with her, trying to get over her because it's what you believe you should do? I don't doubt that you love me Kane, but I suspect that you still love her too and part of you is torn. If you really want to be with her deep down, then I'd rather you told me now. It would hurt, but I'd prefer you to be honest with me."

"I want to be with you." He pulled her close and put both arms around her. "Me and Kirst are in the past. It's over; it's long finished. I'm with you now, this relationship is the best thing to happen to me in a long time and I am determined to make it work."

"I ask more for Jordan than myself," Emma went on quickly. It was important to her that he knew that she had real reasons for wanting to know. "He's never had a father before and he is beginning to accept you as one. I know that relationships don't always work out and things go wrong, but if you run out on us in six months or a year's time because you're confused about your feelings or you've suddenly decided that you want to be with Kirsty, it's really going to hurt him too. So for his sake as well as mine, I just need you to be sure-"

He kissed her, taking her completely by surprise. "I've never been more sure about anything. I love you and I love Jordan and I'll never do anything to hurt either of you again."

"See that you don't," she said, half joking and half serious. She ran her hand down his cheek, taking care to avoid the bruises. He started to say something, but she pressed a finger against his lips to silence him. "It's all over now. Let's just forget about it."

They kissed again, embracing fiercely. It was going to be all right, they could both feel it. As they drew apart, Emma looked into his eyes and saw what she wanted to see, saw how much he loved her.

"Stay with me tonight, Kane."

"Are you sure?" he asked gently. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do this, just because of what happened-"

"Do you really think I'd offer if it wasn't what I wanted? I still don't know if I'm really ready for this, but I want to try."

Kane nodded and said no more, just allowing his girlfriend to take his hand and lead him inside.

Next Chapter: Together again, Kane and Emma face her family and receive a mixed reaction, while Kirsty is put in her place.