Chapter 46
His Word
"Please have the coaches take me to Mayonaka's house," Asako asks, her eyes shining like diamonds in the noon sunlight. "I cannot see myself living in the palace, Tansho. I have spent far too long doing nothing for this world; I cannot do it any longer."
I gaze at her, admiration swelling inside me. "You want to become a midwife, Asako?"
She smiles and nods. "Mayonaka has told me that they are becoming few in the capital. I believe that only she and three others are still active."
Horrified, I glance down at the velvet carpet beneath our feet. In a city as monstrous as Eiyo, with thousands of women at need of the many services of the midwives, having only four to call upon is disastrous. There is no telling how many women have already suffered. I look back up at Asako. Yes, I love her; and, yes, I will miss not having her with me at all times. But her heart is drawn to helping women like herself who depend upon the skillful hands of the midwives.
"I'll tell them immediately," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I am in shock. I had a vision not long ago of my dear Asako teaching her daughters the skills of the midwife, showing them where to place their hands and how to mix different herbs for different infusions or compresses. But I had thought it only my wishful thinking, my hoping for the best for my dear friend. I never thought it would become a prophecy.
I lean towards the window and call out softly to the guard who is trotting steadily beside the carriage.
"Excuse me, sir?" I reply gently, not wanting to wake my sleeping lover who still clings sweetly to me. "Could we make a detour before going to the palace?"
"Of course, Lady Tansho," he answers courteously, earning a slight blush from me. It is the first time I've been referred to as such, but I'm certain it will not be the last. "Where would you like to go?"
I peer out the window and study my surroundings to get my bearings. We've nearly reached the southern gates of the palace. "There should be a large marketplace not far from here if we keep going north," I reply, "When we have just passed it, turn to the west and then take another turn immediately to the south. Drive to the end of the street to the house of Mayonaka the midwife." Both Asako and I know that Mayonaka's house is at the north end of the street that the Black Dove lies on, but at least this way we won't have to see the damned building again.
"Yes, my lady," the guard replies, bowing his head slightly. He then calls out my directions to the two coach drivers and returns to his rhythmic pace at the coach's side.
As the coaches pull to a stop in front of the little house that has the scent of jasmine and ginger wafting from its open door, my heart longs to keep Asako with me. But her eyes come alive when she sees Mayonaka's opened door welcoming her.
"Ladies, is this the house of the midwife?" our guard replies.
"Yes, it is," I answer, "Please give the drivers our thanks."
He nods, the scarlet plumes on his helmet bobbing in the early afternoon breeze. He opens the carriage doors for us and holds out his hand for Asako to take. As he helps her dismount the coach, I wonder to myself if I should wake Tasuki or let him continue sleeping. Asako's firm voice calls my attention.
"Wake him," she says once she is safely on the ground, her eyes glittering suggestively, "I have something to tell him."
Slightly skeptical of the mysterious glint in my friend's dark eyes, I gently shake Tasuki's shoulder, causing him to snort in protest. I give him a harder shake, then pat his tanned cheeks softly with my fingertips. When he still refuses to stir, Asako pokes her head into the interior of the coach and gives me a sly smile.
"Wake up, you little mountain hick!" she yells into his ear, causing him to jump at the startling sound of her voice. He grips my hand as if I can save him from her wrath. "I have something to tell you, so sober yourself."
Tasuki's eyes are glazed and unfocused, but he gives Asako his undivided attention. His grip on my hand makes his bewilderment and surprise painfully obvious, and I cannot help but crack a smile.
Asako rights herself and places her hands on her plump hips. She narrows her eyes at Tasuki as if she were about to reprimand him, but them her beautifully aged face softens. "That night, I knew that neither myself nor any of the other women would get you, my boy," she replies with surprising gentleness, "Tansho enchanted you, just as you enchanted her. And now I expect you to take care of my little one, young man." She raises a single eyebrow and smirks in the way only she could. "Am I clear, my darling? Do I have your word as a man?"
Tasuki wastes no time in giving her a quick yet slightly sluggish "yes", instigating a satisfied smile from Asako and an amused grin from me. I give his hand a squeeze to calm his rushing blood.
"You can return to your nap now, my dear," Asako replies smoothly, "You've earned your rest."
Tasuki nods dumbly, his eyes darting around attempting to figure out where in hell he is. Asako turns toward Mayonaka's door, leaving me to deal with my confused and bewildered lover. I gently pry his nervous fingers from mine and give him a gentle kiss on the lips, looking into his eyes for a moment to tell him all is well. "Go back to sleep," I whisper, smiling at him.
Once again, he simply nods and follows me with his dumbfounded gaze before settling back into the velvet and satin cushions. But before I can step out of the luxurious interior of our carriage, I feel his slightly calloused fingers close gently around my wrist, holding me back. I turn to look at him, and see that his eyes are clear and focused, telling me that he understood quite well what was said to him and what he swore to. My eyes close happily as his touch and his gaze speaks for him. And as he releases me to step out into the street, I look over my shoulder and smile at how quick he is to return to sleep, even though he was just mildly berated by a former whore. His eyes are already closed again, and his body already slumped in the cushioned seat.
The other women have noticed that our little caravan has stopped and are slowly making their way out of their carriage to join us in the street. When they realize where we are, they turn to me for answers, but I direct them to Asako, who waits patiently at Mayonaka's door. She knocks gently on the doorframe even though the open door symbolizes the old midwife's permission to enter her home without announcement. Koi, Okichi, Misa and I keep our distance as Mayonaka comes to her door to see who her visitors are, and when she recognizes Asako, we all watch on in contentment as her arms spread to welcome her most beloved girl. Asako falls into the aged midwife's embrace, then slowly explains to the elderly lady her sudden yet obviously serious wishes to become her apprentice. Mayonaka's eyes become wide as they fill with joy.
"Yes, my girl," she replies without hesitation to Asako, "Yes, there is nothing better in this world for you to do." Her wrinkled palms cup Asako's cheeks affectionately.
It takes a few more moments for us to explain how it is that we are now free from the Black Dove, but when Mayonaka finally understands that we are no longer tied to the world of whores, the brightness in her eyes seems so shine even more brilliantly. She says nothing, but I can feel the happiness emitting from inside of her like ocean waves, washing over all of us, telling us that she has hoped and prayed for this day for years. She invites us in for tea and sweets, but I must turn her down since the guards have informed me that we are being expected at the palace this very minute. We all embrace our beloved friends, kissing Mayonaka's hands and Asako's cheeks, giving our hopes and wishes to them.
I turn to my second mother and hug her to me, wanting to feel the strength of her womanly body so that I may have strength of my own. "I will miss you, Asako."
"No you won't," she quickly retorts, "You'll be coming to visit me regularly, little one. And if you don't, I'm afraid I must infiltrate the palace to come visit you!"
I laugh and kiss her cheeks, trying my hardest to keep the tears at bay. This is where she belongs; our hearts can sense it. And, yes, I will come to visit her. There is no way I could ever remain apart from my beloved mother for long.
"Tansho?"
I glance beside me and see Tasuki peering intently out the window of the coach, studying the people and buildings that pass by us. How long has he been awake? By the look of him, it's as if he never fell asleep. He turns in my direction and gazes at me affectionately, his eyes soft and deep and open to the world. I stare at him and wonder why he chose me to love.
"Yes?" I reply, the sound of my voice giving away how suddenly overwhelmed I am.
He smiles and laces his fingers tightly with mine, turning to gaze idly out the window again. "I just wanted you to know that I intent to keep my word to Asako."
My breath quickens and my heart races, but I keep my torrid emotions hidden from him. He doesn't say anything else, only stares out of our window as if the world that is passing us by is the key to all misunderstandings, the balm to all wounds, the soft words to all injured hearts, the love to counterattack all bitterness and hatred. The warmth of his hand spreads through my body like water, making me long to touch him more, to kiss him, to press myself to him. He is the cornerstone of my existence now; him, and my primal will to survive. Upon him lies my life, cradled gently in his arms, warmed by the heat of his skin. He has saved me and delivered me, and now he holds my hand in his to tell me how happy he is to finally have me with him, unhindered, unafraid of who might hurt me once he turns his back.
"Will you be my wife, Tansho?" he asks suddenly, turning away from the window to face me, his vibrant flaming hair enchanting me as it swirls and flows like a halo of fire around his face. His unworldly amber-tinted green eyes inquire me gently. "I understand if you would want to wait until the war has ended and I've returned to the capital. I wouldn't want to make you a widow before you even had a chance to be a wife-" He pauses to take hold of my other hand, pulling me gently toward him. "But I do love you, Tansho, and I want you to be as happy as I am. I want to take care of you. I want you to know that you'll never be mistreated again, that you'll always be safe with me."
My mouth refuses to open for him, to offer any reply or answer whatsoever. I understand his desire to bind himself to me, to offer protection and happiness to me. And I know he loves me. The eager and excited tone of his voice mixed with the anxious pressure of his fingers on mine tells me all I need to know. But does he know how many men I have slept with in my lifetime? Does he know how unfaithful I was to him during his absence, even though I envisioned him in my mind every second I was with them? Does he know that even though I will remain loyal to only him for the rest of my life, that the memory of my promiscuous past will always be fresh in my mind? I finally open my mouth to refuse my beloved as gently as I can, but his soft words interrupt me before I can even begin to speak.
"Nothing you ever did in the Black Dove matters to me," he says boldly, his eyes shining, "I know you did things for many reasons, reasons that I won't ever ask you to explain to me. But it's in the past now, far away from us."
With those simple yet stunningly profound words, he has sealed my decision. I could never say no to him, even if I knew without a doubt that he would die tomorrow and leave me forever. Even then, I would marry him and live this single day as his wife.
I lift my face to his and gaze into the mysteries of his eyes, wondering with a sly smile if he truly knows the kind of woman he has asked with all his heart to be his wife. But when he gazes back at me with such hope that I nearly turn away in sadness, I realize that he understands quite well exactly who I am. I am the woman who would be him if I were a man. I grin at the unexpected and humorous thought in my head, then embrace my beloved with my entire being.
"Yes, I will be your wife, Tasuki," I announce happily, "And I would marry you tonight if you asked me to."
"Then will you?" he quickly answers, pulling away with hope still shining like a jewel in his eyes.
"Yes."
A/N: Whoo-hoo! I bet you never expected that, huh? ^_^ Well, to tell the truth, I was very tempted to have them never get married in an actual ceremony but rather have them simply live together after the war in a common-law marriage. But then I started imagining all the good things that could happen for them in these next few chapters before he goes off to war, and I decided that a Chinese wedding would do my angst-ridden story some long-needed good. There are a lot of things coming up that you'll notice couldn't be done in quite the same way if I decided to not have them get married.
And I also would like to address a question asked in the reviews by Wingsong (cute name, by the way) about Tasuki's fan. You mentioned that you thought he could use his fan even while his celestial powers were sealed away when Suzaku was. I think I remember in the series that he wasn't able to use the fan (though when you think of it, it doesn't really make sense seeing as the fan wasn't even part of his celestial powers). Please remember, I may be wrong, though. ^_^
Thanks to everyone else who read and reviewed! ^_^ Every single word that you guys write helps me in some way with my writing. Love you all!!
His Word
"Please have the coaches take me to Mayonaka's house," Asako asks, her eyes shining like diamonds in the noon sunlight. "I cannot see myself living in the palace, Tansho. I have spent far too long doing nothing for this world; I cannot do it any longer."
I gaze at her, admiration swelling inside me. "You want to become a midwife, Asako?"
She smiles and nods. "Mayonaka has told me that they are becoming few in the capital. I believe that only she and three others are still active."
Horrified, I glance down at the velvet carpet beneath our feet. In a city as monstrous as Eiyo, with thousands of women at need of the many services of the midwives, having only four to call upon is disastrous. There is no telling how many women have already suffered. I look back up at Asako. Yes, I love her; and, yes, I will miss not having her with me at all times. But her heart is drawn to helping women like herself who depend upon the skillful hands of the midwives.
"I'll tell them immediately," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I am in shock. I had a vision not long ago of my dear Asako teaching her daughters the skills of the midwife, showing them where to place their hands and how to mix different herbs for different infusions or compresses. But I had thought it only my wishful thinking, my hoping for the best for my dear friend. I never thought it would become a prophecy.
I lean towards the window and call out softly to the guard who is trotting steadily beside the carriage.
"Excuse me, sir?" I reply gently, not wanting to wake my sleeping lover who still clings sweetly to me. "Could we make a detour before going to the palace?"
"Of course, Lady Tansho," he answers courteously, earning a slight blush from me. It is the first time I've been referred to as such, but I'm certain it will not be the last. "Where would you like to go?"
I peer out the window and study my surroundings to get my bearings. We've nearly reached the southern gates of the palace. "There should be a large marketplace not far from here if we keep going north," I reply, "When we have just passed it, turn to the west and then take another turn immediately to the south. Drive to the end of the street to the house of Mayonaka the midwife." Both Asako and I know that Mayonaka's house is at the north end of the street that the Black Dove lies on, but at least this way we won't have to see the damned building again.
"Yes, my lady," the guard replies, bowing his head slightly. He then calls out my directions to the two coach drivers and returns to his rhythmic pace at the coach's side.
As the coaches pull to a stop in front of the little house that has the scent of jasmine and ginger wafting from its open door, my heart longs to keep Asako with me. But her eyes come alive when she sees Mayonaka's opened door welcoming her.
"Ladies, is this the house of the midwife?" our guard replies.
"Yes, it is," I answer, "Please give the drivers our thanks."
He nods, the scarlet plumes on his helmet bobbing in the early afternoon breeze. He opens the carriage doors for us and holds out his hand for Asako to take. As he helps her dismount the coach, I wonder to myself if I should wake Tasuki or let him continue sleeping. Asako's firm voice calls my attention.
"Wake him," she says once she is safely on the ground, her eyes glittering suggestively, "I have something to tell him."
Slightly skeptical of the mysterious glint in my friend's dark eyes, I gently shake Tasuki's shoulder, causing him to snort in protest. I give him a harder shake, then pat his tanned cheeks softly with my fingertips. When he still refuses to stir, Asako pokes her head into the interior of the coach and gives me a sly smile.
"Wake up, you little mountain hick!" she yells into his ear, causing him to jump at the startling sound of her voice. He grips my hand as if I can save him from her wrath. "I have something to tell you, so sober yourself."
Tasuki's eyes are glazed and unfocused, but he gives Asako his undivided attention. His grip on my hand makes his bewilderment and surprise painfully obvious, and I cannot help but crack a smile.
Asako rights herself and places her hands on her plump hips. She narrows her eyes at Tasuki as if she were about to reprimand him, but them her beautifully aged face softens. "That night, I knew that neither myself nor any of the other women would get you, my boy," she replies with surprising gentleness, "Tansho enchanted you, just as you enchanted her. And now I expect you to take care of my little one, young man." She raises a single eyebrow and smirks in the way only she could. "Am I clear, my darling? Do I have your word as a man?"
Tasuki wastes no time in giving her a quick yet slightly sluggish "yes", instigating a satisfied smile from Asako and an amused grin from me. I give his hand a squeeze to calm his rushing blood.
"You can return to your nap now, my dear," Asako replies smoothly, "You've earned your rest."
Tasuki nods dumbly, his eyes darting around attempting to figure out where in hell he is. Asako turns toward Mayonaka's door, leaving me to deal with my confused and bewildered lover. I gently pry his nervous fingers from mine and give him a gentle kiss on the lips, looking into his eyes for a moment to tell him all is well. "Go back to sleep," I whisper, smiling at him.
Once again, he simply nods and follows me with his dumbfounded gaze before settling back into the velvet and satin cushions. But before I can step out of the luxurious interior of our carriage, I feel his slightly calloused fingers close gently around my wrist, holding me back. I turn to look at him, and see that his eyes are clear and focused, telling me that he understood quite well what was said to him and what he swore to. My eyes close happily as his touch and his gaze speaks for him. And as he releases me to step out into the street, I look over my shoulder and smile at how quick he is to return to sleep, even though he was just mildly berated by a former whore. His eyes are already closed again, and his body already slumped in the cushioned seat.
The other women have noticed that our little caravan has stopped and are slowly making their way out of their carriage to join us in the street. When they realize where we are, they turn to me for answers, but I direct them to Asako, who waits patiently at Mayonaka's door. She knocks gently on the doorframe even though the open door symbolizes the old midwife's permission to enter her home without announcement. Koi, Okichi, Misa and I keep our distance as Mayonaka comes to her door to see who her visitors are, and when she recognizes Asako, we all watch on in contentment as her arms spread to welcome her most beloved girl. Asako falls into the aged midwife's embrace, then slowly explains to the elderly lady her sudden yet obviously serious wishes to become her apprentice. Mayonaka's eyes become wide as they fill with joy.
"Yes, my girl," she replies without hesitation to Asako, "Yes, there is nothing better in this world for you to do." Her wrinkled palms cup Asako's cheeks affectionately.
It takes a few more moments for us to explain how it is that we are now free from the Black Dove, but when Mayonaka finally understands that we are no longer tied to the world of whores, the brightness in her eyes seems so shine even more brilliantly. She says nothing, but I can feel the happiness emitting from inside of her like ocean waves, washing over all of us, telling us that she has hoped and prayed for this day for years. She invites us in for tea and sweets, but I must turn her down since the guards have informed me that we are being expected at the palace this very minute. We all embrace our beloved friends, kissing Mayonaka's hands and Asako's cheeks, giving our hopes and wishes to them.
I turn to my second mother and hug her to me, wanting to feel the strength of her womanly body so that I may have strength of my own. "I will miss you, Asako."
"No you won't," she quickly retorts, "You'll be coming to visit me regularly, little one. And if you don't, I'm afraid I must infiltrate the palace to come visit you!"
I laugh and kiss her cheeks, trying my hardest to keep the tears at bay. This is where she belongs; our hearts can sense it. And, yes, I will come to visit her. There is no way I could ever remain apart from my beloved mother for long.
"Tansho?"
I glance beside me and see Tasuki peering intently out the window of the coach, studying the people and buildings that pass by us. How long has he been awake? By the look of him, it's as if he never fell asleep. He turns in my direction and gazes at me affectionately, his eyes soft and deep and open to the world. I stare at him and wonder why he chose me to love.
"Yes?" I reply, the sound of my voice giving away how suddenly overwhelmed I am.
He smiles and laces his fingers tightly with mine, turning to gaze idly out the window again. "I just wanted you to know that I intent to keep my word to Asako."
My breath quickens and my heart races, but I keep my torrid emotions hidden from him. He doesn't say anything else, only stares out of our window as if the world that is passing us by is the key to all misunderstandings, the balm to all wounds, the soft words to all injured hearts, the love to counterattack all bitterness and hatred. The warmth of his hand spreads through my body like water, making me long to touch him more, to kiss him, to press myself to him. He is the cornerstone of my existence now; him, and my primal will to survive. Upon him lies my life, cradled gently in his arms, warmed by the heat of his skin. He has saved me and delivered me, and now he holds my hand in his to tell me how happy he is to finally have me with him, unhindered, unafraid of who might hurt me once he turns his back.
"Will you be my wife, Tansho?" he asks suddenly, turning away from the window to face me, his vibrant flaming hair enchanting me as it swirls and flows like a halo of fire around his face. His unworldly amber-tinted green eyes inquire me gently. "I understand if you would want to wait until the war has ended and I've returned to the capital. I wouldn't want to make you a widow before you even had a chance to be a wife-" He pauses to take hold of my other hand, pulling me gently toward him. "But I do love you, Tansho, and I want you to be as happy as I am. I want to take care of you. I want you to know that you'll never be mistreated again, that you'll always be safe with me."
My mouth refuses to open for him, to offer any reply or answer whatsoever. I understand his desire to bind himself to me, to offer protection and happiness to me. And I know he loves me. The eager and excited tone of his voice mixed with the anxious pressure of his fingers on mine tells me all I need to know. But does he know how many men I have slept with in my lifetime? Does he know how unfaithful I was to him during his absence, even though I envisioned him in my mind every second I was with them? Does he know that even though I will remain loyal to only him for the rest of my life, that the memory of my promiscuous past will always be fresh in my mind? I finally open my mouth to refuse my beloved as gently as I can, but his soft words interrupt me before I can even begin to speak.
"Nothing you ever did in the Black Dove matters to me," he says boldly, his eyes shining, "I know you did things for many reasons, reasons that I won't ever ask you to explain to me. But it's in the past now, far away from us."
With those simple yet stunningly profound words, he has sealed my decision. I could never say no to him, even if I knew without a doubt that he would die tomorrow and leave me forever. Even then, I would marry him and live this single day as his wife.
I lift my face to his and gaze into the mysteries of his eyes, wondering with a sly smile if he truly knows the kind of woman he has asked with all his heart to be his wife. But when he gazes back at me with such hope that I nearly turn away in sadness, I realize that he understands quite well exactly who I am. I am the woman who would be him if I were a man. I grin at the unexpected and humorous thought in my head, then embrace my beloved with my entire being.
"Yes, I will be your wife, Tasuki," I announce happily, "And I would marry you tonight if you asked me to."
"Then will you?" he quickly answers, pulling away with hope still shining like a jewel in his eyes.
"Yes."
A/N: Whoo-hoo! I bet you never expected that, huh? ^_^ Well, to tell the truth, I was very tempted to have them never get married in an actual ceremony but rather have them simply live together after the war in a common-law marriage. But then I started imagining all the good things that could happen for them in these next few chapters before he goes off to war, and I decided that a Chinese wedding would do my angst-ridden story some long-needed good. There are a lot of things coming up that you'll notice couldn't be done in quite the same way if I decided to not have them get married.
And I also would like to address a question asked in the reviews by Wingsong (cute name, by the way) about Tasuki's fan. You mentioned that you thought he could use his fan even while his celestial powers were sealed away when Suzaku was. I think I remember in the series that he wasn't able to use the fan (though when you think of it, it doesn't really make sense seeing as the fan wasn't even part of his celestial powers). Please remember, I may be wrong, though. ^_^
Thanks to everyone else who read and reviewed! ^_^ Every single word that you guys write helps me in some way with my writing. Love you all!!