TITLE: Familiar Feeling

AUTHOR: Annabel

PAIRING: R/J

SPOILERS: Shouldn't be any

DISCLAIMERS: I own nothing (except the characters I've made up for this story)

RATING: PG-13 for now.

A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews! Honestly, feedback is the best way to motivate me, so… once again, thank you! And any questions in your mind from the last chapter will be answered now. Here's Chapter Six…:)

Familiar Feeling

Chapter Six

A decision had to be made. It was now or never. Well, perhaps the never part wasn't exactly accurate, since she knew that she would probably be offered a chance like this again in the future, if she continued to do well. But nevertheless, she had to make up her mind.

"I know it's a lot to ask, I wish I could have talked to you about this sooner. But like I told you, the young woman who we initially selected for the program is pregnant and therefore can't be sent off for a year. And even though we don't usually let such new employees as yourself participate, we immediately thought of you when we heard of her cancellation" 

The words that came out of her boss's mouth made their way into her brain slowly and steadily. Her thoughts were racing, and she was trying to keep them together the best way she knew how. 

"I remember how passionate you were in your job interview about your dream to become a foreign correspondent. And you've done well here, you've proved yourself to be independent, hard-working and willing to take up on new challenges"

Her boss was praising her like never before and she was pleased to hear that her performance at the office had been so convincing. She looked down at her hands, telling herself that this was what she had always wanted. She had no reason to say no, this was the ideal program for those who wanted to become foreign correspondents. This was what she had always wanted. And yet, she found herself saying

"Could I have just a few more days to think this through? I realise that this is a wonderful opportunity, but I just…"

"Rory, I know this is a big decision. It can shape the rest of your life. But we need your definite answer the day after tomorrow, so I hope that on Thursday morning you'll come to my office and I can send you to France"

Rory nodded, her heart rate speeding as she stood up. She walked to the door calmly, and heard her head telling her to accept the offer. How would she justify saying no, how would she be able to explain it to herself, or to everyone else around her? She stopped abruptly at the door and she opened her moutht to say yes. But before anything was able to escape her mouth, something made her leave the room and hurry to her desk.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He looked ridiculous. He felt ridiculous. And the proud look on Mike's face made him want to squirm away from the guy who was plastering him with the pieces of fabric and run away as fast as he could. He sighed when a needle once again pinched him and the tailor apologized fiercely, glancing at him with nervousness.

"Jess, stay still" Mike's voice commanded as he sat still looking at the fitting.

"It's too hot" Jess snapped back and glowered the guy who was trying to make the suit stay together on this difficult customer.

"It won't be long now. Just relax"

"Easy for you to say"

Mike leaned back on the armchair he was sitting on. He sipped coffee and looked disturbingly relaxed, at least to Jess who had probably never felt so uncomfortable in his life.

"So, is everything going according to plans?" he finally asked Mike, trying to keep his mind off the fact that he would actually have to wear this horrid thing to the wedding.

"Kathy's dress is pretty much finished, we've booked the mansion in New Haven, the caterers are okay, my tux is turning out nicely…"

Jess nodded and took a quick look at his watch, realising that he had stood still for nearly forty minutes. Trying to keep calm, he took a deep breath and thought that the wedding was actually gonna happen in a month. December 1st was to be the big day for Mike, a day of change for all for them.

"We've invited Chris and Tom, but I guess you already know that. They're both bringing dates, but you haven't said anything about it"

"About them bringing dates?" Jess lifted his eyebrow, although he knew what Mike meant.

"About whether you or not you're bringing one"

And here it goes again, Jess thought to himself. When would they just lay off and let him mind his own business? He didn't need someone always breathing down his neck, someone always asking if he'd found the right girl when he wasn't even looking.

"Maybe the girl from last Sunday?" Mike suggested rather warily, not wanting Jess to explode with anger while having hundreds of needles on him.

Jess felt like smiling, but he wasn't going to make that error in front of Mike. He'd helped her home after they'd left the coffeeshop on Sunday, put the boxes in the elevator of her apartment building, deciding not to help her upstairs with them and risking an encounter with Rory's roommate. Rory, he was still having some difficulty to realise that her name was Rory.

"No" he managed to clear his head and return to the conversation with Mike. "Really, I don't even know her"

"So, you just helped her home because…"

"Because she needed help" Jess said as if it had been the most natural thing in the world.

He couldn't deny the fact that she was attractive. No, she was very attractive. She was strangely child-like and at the same time sensual and so completely unaware of her beauty. Jess felt like chuckling when he realised that he was using words like sensual or child-like. He wondered what Mike would say if he knew he was thinking, but luckily Jess was a master at keeping his feelings and thoughts off his face.

"She was beautiful"

Jess nodded at Mike's words, but didn't look at him. Instead he let his eyes follow the tailor who was circling around him and looking at his sleeves with apprehension. Jess feared that he'd declare he would have to start over, but to his luck, the man stayed quiet and just started to fix the needles on the sleeves.

"You're not gonna see her again?"

Not after the little stunt I pulled when she wasn't looking, he thought to himself. He wanted to smack himself for acting like brainless idiot. There was no doubt in his mind that she would think he was a jerk, just trying to get into her pants after fooling around with her friend. But hey, he had no idea how it was done, he didn't know how to make someone want to see him again.

"Kathy is worried that if you come alone, you'll manage to cause chaos again" Mike's voice sounded lighter, obviously having noticed Jess's furrowed brow he wanted to ease the situation.

And he managed to do just that. Jess broke into a smirk when he remembered seeing Kathy for the first time, along with her niece. It had been… God, it had been six years ago. Anyway, Jess and the girl, whose name he couldn't actually even remember, had kept themselves entertained in a way which wasn't completely acceptable to Kathy or Mike. It had been a rough start in the relationship between Kathy and Jess, but they'd managed to overcome it. After all, Jess had been only eighteen then.

"How's the girl these days?" Jess asked and wanted to cry out of joy when the tailor announced that he was ready and started tearing the clothing away from him.

"Married with a kid on the way" Mike replied and laughed when he saw Jess wince. "Not really your kind of girl, I guess"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Waiting for a call?" Al asked when she peaked into Rory's room and saw her sitting on the bed with the phone in her hand.

Rory looked up at her and shook her head.

"Nah, trying to make one" she said and then yawned.

"So, you don't mind if I bother you for a minute"

Welcoming the interruption and the fact that she was able to postpone making the call, Rory put the phone down and looked at Alicia questioningly.

"There are some rumours going around at work…"

Okay, so this interruption wouldn't let her forget about the subject. And now she would also have to explain why she hadn't told Alicia about getting an offer to spend a year in France.

"They're true" Rory stated quietly, and saw Al nod encouraging her to continue.

Rory explained the events quickly, how she'd been offered this chance and that she would have to make up her mind by Thursday.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" she said honestly.

"It's okay, I understand that this was a shock… I just, I mean haven't you always wanted this?"

Touché.

"You are going, right?"

Rory looked at her, Alicia's excited face made the situation seem more real. But not more desirable.

"I…" the phone saved her from trying to come up with some unconvincing answer and she looked at Al apologetically when he picked up the phone.

As her mother's cheery voice reached her ears, Rory watched Al leave her room and close the door behind her. So, maybe this was fate. She'd been sitting there on the bed for an hour, trying to decide whether to call her mother, Lane, Dave or… Well, Lorelai had called her so apparently it was time to tell her about this.

"Mom, there's something I need to talk to you about" she heard herself saying, and the serious tone of her voice made her mother wait patiently for her to continue.

As the silence continued, Rory pictured the possible outcomes of the upcoming conversation in her head. She tried to assure herself that it wouldn't end badly, but that was hardly believable. So, instead of telling her mother the truth, she made sure her voice sounded cheery when she continued speaking.

"About Christmas, I was wondering if Lane and Dave could stay with us"

"Oh" Lorelai's voice was slightly surprised, apparently she'd expected something more serious from the tone of Rory's voice. "Well, of course they can. I'd love it. But what about Mrs. Kim?"

"She's going to visit some relatives in Corea. She tried persuading Lane and Dave to come with her, but Lane managed to come up with a story about having to work during the holidays"

Lorelai chuckled and started planning all the things they would do on Christmas. Rory rubbed her forehead pensively while she listened to her mother and she felt somewhat bad about not being able to tell her the truth.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was lying in bed, trying to decide whether to read something or just go to sleep. It was almost midnight on a Wednesday, usually he was at a bar but today he hadn't felt like going anywhere. But he didn't feel like sleeping either, so he sat up and rubbed his face somewhat impatiently. He felt strangely restless, anxious in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. Kathy had been pressing him about the wedding again. She wanted him to come to New Haven next weekend to see the place of the reception and she wanted him to bring a date. And he didn't want anything to do with the wedding, it just made him feel incredibly edgy.

He snorted when he thought how stupidly he'd behaved when it came to the girl, Rory. He was such an idiot, what had gotten over him? At the time it had seemed like an excellent idea, but right now…

The ringing phone made him jump and he grabbed it feeling more and more irritated by the second. He mumbled something and waited for a reply. After a silence, which made him want to throw the phone to a wall, he heard a quiet cough, which made him more alert.

"Jess?" his heart jumped up to his throat at the sound of her voice. "It's Rory"

So, it hadn't been a bad idea after all. Thank God for that.

"Rory" he breathed out and shook his head in disbelief. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just… I'm sorry I called this late, I hope I didn't wake you"

"No, no you didn't" he said quickly and then tried to figure out some appropriate words to say. "Look, I'm sorry about the whole napkin thing. I just… I figured that there was something bothering you and you might want to talk about it so…"

"I'm glad you did it" she replied and he hoped she wasn't able to hear his relieved sigh. "It's not every day a girl finds a phone number written on a napkin and hidden inside a book"

"Cheesy, sorry about that"

"Nah, more cute than cheesy" he heard her giggle and then after a short silence she cleared her throat again. "But I wanted to talk to you… I know it's weird since I don't even know you, but it's just…"

"Easier to talk to someone who doesn't know you"

"Yeah"

"Look, talking on the phone really isn't my thing. I… You know, if you're not too tired, there's a bar just a block away from your place, do you think we could meet there?"'

"Now?" she asked, but before he had a chance to answer her, she said that she'd be there.

"It'll take me fifteen minutes, see you there" he said and as soon as he dropped the phone on the bed he ran to his jeans and pulled them on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was sitting in a booth with a coffee mug between her hands when she saw him enter the bar and she waved at him. She watched him when he walked to her, he was so casual in jeans and a black jacket, his hair messy and a slightly wavering look on his face.

"Hey" he said when he sat down across from her and she smiled, feeling his presence so close to her somewhat nerve-wracking.

"Hey"

The waiter came to ask him what he wanted and after asking for a cup of coffee, he turned his gaze back to her. She was still looking at him, feeling slightly unsure of what to do next.

"You don't think I'm a complete idiot for calling you in the middle of the night?"

He shook his head and smirked. He asked her if she thought he was a complete idiot for hiding his phone number in between her book. After she'd shaken her head, they both felt slightly more comfortable and the waiter brought Jess his coffee.

"So…" she said.

"So…"

"I've been trying to decide who to talk about this for the past few days, but I just couldn't think of anyone who might understand"

"What is it?" his voice was steady and the look on his face told her that he really did want to know.

"I… I was offered a chance to go to France for a year, it's sort of a training program for foreign correspondents. It's something I've always dreamed about, it's kind of a… once in a life time chance, you know"

She waited for his reaction, and it didn't come. He just sat there, quietly, with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I have to tell my decision tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm gonna do"

Still, there was no reaction from him. He just sat there, took a gulp of his coffee and waited. She wondered if he thought that she was incredibly selfish, they didn't even know each other and here she was pouring her problems on him. Apparently her hesitance was visible on her face because he leaned forward slightly, his fingers still surrounding his coffee cup.

"So you don't really wanna go"

His words made her inhale deeply, as if she hadn't expected him to understand.

"I don't remember the day I decided that I want to go to Harvard. I just always did and it was always evident that I would. I don't remember the day I decided that I want to be a foreign correspondent. And now it's coming true and I'm not sure I want it anymore"

"Maybe you're just afraid, this France thing is big"

"It's not just that. I've been… I've had doubts about this right from the start. I mean I like what I do, I'm good at what I do, but I feel like it's… I always thought that I'd have passion for the work I do, but I don't. I'm just restless, and…"

"Is there something else you'd want to do?" he asked her and she noticed the soft tone of his voice before she took a big gulp of coffee.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore" she sighed and felt herself becoming more and more anxious. "What am I gonna do tomorrow?"

He was quiet, completely silent for a long time. He seemed to be observing her, trying to read the answer from her face. His eyes seemed to draw holes into her and she looked down, feeling a lump in her throat. Finally, he sighed and asked her why she hadn't been able to talk to her friends about this.

"My mom is my best friend. She had me when she was sixteen, so I guess you could say that we pretty much grew up together. This is our dream, what I've always wanted for me and what she'd always wanted for me. My grandparents put me through college, they've always supported me, wanted me to make something of myself. Lane, Dave and I are at out ideal jobs. We're doing those things we always talked about, we're what we wanted to be"

"I don't know about your family, but from I can tell about Lane and Dave, they're too great people and great friends to you. Wouldn't they understand?"

Would they? Rory was somewhat ashamed to think that they probably wouldn't. And hell, she couldn't understand it herself. But when it came to her mother and her grandparents, Rory knew for sure that they wouldn't understand. Thinking of how Lorelai would feel to be categorized at the same box with her parents made Rory want to laugh, but the stressing situation soon came back to her. If she told them that she had changed her mind, they wouldn't forgive her for pushing away everything they'd wanted her to have. 

"Rory" his hoarse voice startled her and she was a little struck by the way her name sounded when he said it. "I can't tell you what you should say to your boss tomorrow. The only thing I can say is that this is your decision, your life. It's not your mother's or your grandparents', it's just yours. No one else has the right to tell you what you should do with it"

Rory shook her head slightly, thinking that it was easier said than done, but before she managed to say the words, he surprised her with the exact same phrase.

"I've never had a real family. I've made every decision in my life by myself. No one has ever told me what to do, except for Mike who's constantly telling me to get a grip of my life" he smirked slightly and made Rory smile, too. "But even though it's difficult, it's the only way. It's the only way for you to ever be happy with your life. In the end, you're the one who can make you happy, no one else can"

Rory looked at him while he talked, and it took her some effort to actually hear and understand the words which were coming out of his mouth. She found herself more and more captivated by him as he talked, wanting to ask him about what he meant when he said he didn't have a real family or when he talked about Mike. There was something definitely weird about this, considering that she was having the biggest crisis of her life and she seemed more interested in past or in the way his expression changed as he talked to her. And his words were so true, and so incredibly difficult to live by.

"I guess I didn't really help you make up your mind" he eventually said and she realised he'd made her jump slightly again.  

"Well…" she started while hoping he hadn't been able to read her thoughts from her face. "I was hoping you'd tell me to go or stay. It would be a lot easier if we had other people telling us what to do instead of making the decisions ourselves"

"Yeah, our lives would be a lot easier and unhappier. I've made mistakes, but they're my mistakes and I wouldn't be me if I hadn't done them. And I guess what you're most afraid of is making one. A mistake, I mean"

Rory nodded slightly, realised that she was staring at him, but right now she didn't even care. It was now dawning on her, that this was not good. Actually, this was really, really bad. Not only did she have to make a life-altering decision by tomorrow, but she found her brain solely occupied by a guy who had actually agreed to meet her in the middle of the night without even knowing the reason for the meeting. She found herself fearing or maybe realising that she was falling for a guy who had been with… Ah, she didn't even want to think about right now.

It was 3am when she stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom and tried to remove the grin from her face. Gosh, who would have known it would be this difficult to look serious while having incomprehensible stress hanging over her. She took a deep breath and rubbed her face. There was no reason to grin, or smile or chuckle. But still she felt like doing all those things. He'd made her write her phonenumber on a napkin, he'd promised to call her and ask how it had gone, what she'd decided and what she was going to do. She slapped her hand to her mouth when the grin reappeared.

A/N: This is completely off the topic, but lately I've become a huge fan of the tv-show Alias. Anyway, I stumbled upon some exquisite fanfiction of the show, mostly involving Sark and Sydney (a great pair, I think). Anyway, the whole point of this rambling is that I am over and over again amazed by the talent some people seem to possess for writing. It's just incomprehensible that there are people with the imagination and ability to write that can make someone else (in this case, me) go through millions of emotions and really feel like she's inside the story, living it all herself. Well, it's just amazing…