Chapter 51
Into the Depths of the Sea
The sun has set, but I know that I will never forget it. I was married beneath it, bathed in its blood-red glow, and it has been burned in my heart forever. I still can't believe Tasuki suggested we have the ceremony at sunset for the simple reason of being in the presence of its beauty. My beloved has always been strangely romantic considering his usually aggressive and boisterous personality, but my soul was moved beyond comprehension when he suggested we get married at sunset in the seraglio courtyard.
I keep my fingers firmly entwined with his in case he doubts me and feels the need to escape from wherever he thinks I'm taking him. If he only knew, then perhaps he would want to flee. But I feel the relentless need to teach him something before he leaves me tomorrow. Even though I already know he will resist me until the very end, I am determined to teach Tasuki how to swim. And I will succeed, no matter how much he cusses and pleads. I grin cunningly, glad that my face is partially obscured by the dense night that has followed the setting sun. Only the edge of the city is still tinted red, telling me that the fullness of night is close.
I lead him silently through the courtyards and gates of the palace, surprised that I remember so clearly the way to the palace docks considering I only visited them once. He tries to pry our destination out of me, but I only fling suggestive grins over my shoulder, fooling him into thinking that I'm as amorous as he is. What my poor husband doesn't yet know is that he'll have to learn how to swim before he gets what he wants- and no doubt probably needs very badly considering the time we've been separated. I, of course, am just as eager to get my new husband alone in my bedroom to ravish as I have been doing only in my dreams for so long. I feel guilty for a moment, thinking that I'm duping him, but when I hear the calming sighs of the ocean waves just ahead of us, I forget all thoughts and focus on the task at hand. I already foretell how difficult it will be to get Tasuki into the water, but I'm not worried-I have a strategy sure to lure him in eventually. Even if he truly wanted to, I doubt I could resist.
I slow our pace down now that we are close, and suddenly I'm pulled to a halt by Tasuki. I turn around to glance at him and see an expression of dread in his eyes-and a hint of betrayal when he looks down at me, obviously wondering why in hell I've seemingly led him to the edge of hell. I sigh and tug at his hand with both of mine, unnerved.
"Hell no!" he protests loudly, shaking his head. "I love you, Tan- but hell no!"
"Please, my darling?" I purr, slowly pulling him along after me. After a few more minutes, I've managed to make it to the flight of wooden steps beside the docks that lead down to the beach. It is a somewhat difficult job to get him down the rickety steps, but once again, I somehow manage. The heels of his black boots dig ferociously into the thick sand once we reach our destination, desperate to stop.
"N-no!" he cries again, trying to pull against me without harming me in the process. I refuse to give in, even though I sympathize with his fear. But soon, it is impossible to make him budge an inch further. He may not have his celestial powers, but his strength as a normal man still outweighs my own by far. His eyes are wild and glazed, and his hand trembles slightly within mine. The poor darling.
Finally, when I realize I won't be able to drag him any closer without having to physically fight him, I drop his hand and stand forlornly in front of him. The docks are to the right of us, their heavy wooden planks and support beams are above our heads, casting shadows onto the dark beach. The fleet of ships rock lazily in the gentle churn of the sea, their hulls groaning with every dip and rise. Behind us looms the southeast wall of the palace, a comforting presence. The top rim of the moon is beginning to peek above the dark sapphire waves in the distance. I turn slightly to look at it, appreciating its hypnotic beauty. The waves of the sea are calm and smooth, lapping gently against the shore a few feet away from us. The dying glow of the sun shines upon them, reflecting off their surface and shimmering exotically in the darkening sky. I'm entranced, and for a moment I forget why I came here. It is not until I hear the soft hiss of sand beneath boots that I realize Tasuki is trying to make his get away while I'm preoccupied with the beauty of the water. I swing around to see him with his back to me, walking as silently as possible back towards the docks, most likely begging Suzaku that I don't see him. But the phoenix deity is on my side, and I am quick to catch my retreating lover before he can even step onto the wooden stairs leading back up to the docks.
"Oh, no you don't!" I tease, grabbing his shoulders from behind and spinning him around. I look him square in the eyes, tired of battling and pleading. "You will learn to swim tonight, whether you want to or not!" I announce boldly, meaning every word I say. I am prepared to threaten him if I must-though with what, I'm not exactly sure. I slip my hands over his shoulders and wrap them around the nape of his neck, pulling him down to my level.
"Tan," he moans, "Please don't make me! Can't we just go back to the palace and celebrate our wedding?"
"No!" I retort firmly. But then I soften my voice for what I say next to keep his trust. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow not knowing how to swim. I know you may think its wasted knowledge seeing as you may never even see a pond while you're in battle." I pause for effect. "But there are plenty of things that could happen, Tasuki. You never know when or where knowing how to swim could save your life-or someone else's."
His eyes soften even though he's still gazing at me in dread. He understands my concern, and for a moment I believe that he will relent and allow me to tutor him. But then he pulls away from me, backing towards the steps. "I know, Tan," he replies, trying to sound apologetic, "But I can't go in there." He motions toward the ocean in front of us, and I suddenly remember his near-drowning experience during his travels to Hokkan and Sairo. I place my hands on my hips. This only solidifies my worry, and makes me that much more determined. All right then, I guess I must revert to temptation to get him into the water.
I blow him a kiss and give him a slight wave with my hand, turning around and strolling back down to the shoreline. "That's fine!' I call over my shoulder. "I'm just going for a quick swim. I'll meet you back in the seraglio."
I find a couple of large rocks near the waterline and plop down on the highest one. I pull my slippers off and arrange them beside me on the smaller rock before reaching my hands up to my hair and beginning work on pulling out the hairpins and undoing the chignon. Once my hip-length tresses are free and blowing lazily in the ocean breeze, I place all my hair ornaments inside my slippers to keep from losing any of them. I stand up, my bare feet sinking deliciously into the cool sand, and begin untying my sash. As it slips off, I turn around to see my husband watching me quite intently. A victorious smile spreads across my face as I unwrap my girdle and slip my maple leaf embroidered over robe off my shoulders. I fold each article of clothing carefully, not wanting to soil it in the sand or wrinkle it, and place them on the rock I was previously seated on. As the crimson under robe slips from my shoulders and down my arms, I watch in satisfaction as the glow of Tasuki's eyes intensifies. I suppose what I am doing could be considered cheating, but I don't give a damn. Slowly, and probably against his knowledge, he is walking towards me-and towards the water. Now fully naked, I fold my under robe and place it atop the rest of my clothing before sauntering down to the water only a few feet away, making sure to give my hips a bit more of a swing than usual.
A wave surges into the shoreline, flowing over my bare feet. I walk deeper into the cool water, letting the sea slowly flow around my ankles, my knees, my thighs, my hips, until I'm waist-deep in the salty water. Only now do I turn around and see my beloved standing forlornly where I once stood, his fists clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed as if accuses me of something. I try to hold it back, but I only end up laughing harder. He tenses as if I am mocking him, and only then do I realize that I am in a way.
"What's the matter, my darling?" I call out over the soft rumblings of the waves rolling into the shore.
"That's not fair!" he calls back, crossing his arms over his chest like a little child.
Ignoring his complaint, I fill the palms of my hands with seawater and lift them to my chest, where I allow the water to trickle down the valley of my sternum and over the full mounds of my naked breasts. His burning eyes narrow even more, and for a moment I think I hear a growl penetrate the air. Could he truly be mad at me? I cock my head and reach my hands up to my hair, knowing that I am blatantly teasing him now. But he is closer to the water, is he not? Smiling, I turn my back on him and continue slowly wetting myself with my hands.
An exasperated sound fills the air and, surprised, I turn around to see Tasuki madly stripping his clothes away. His heavy black boots land with a thump as he pulls them off and throws them to the sand. His over coat is next to be shed, followed by his white under shirt and tan trousers. Before I know what is happening, he is splashing through the shallow water, his naked body gleaming in the moonlight. Unabashed, I take the opportunity to give him a swift once-over, my gaze drifting between his thighs just before he reaches me. Still shocked by his sudden appearance, I don't resist as he curls one arm beneath my knees, the other around my back, and lifts me playfully into the air, holding me tight against his chest. When my senses finally return to me, I find him gazing down at me, a look of defeat on his handsome face. But I also detect a hint of amusement in his radiant eyes, not to mention the burning glow of desire that has resided there ever since he returned yesterday.
"You wanted me in the water," he replies coolly, "So I'm in the water."
I smirk at him, and give him a quick peck on the cheek. "And I'm very proud of you, my darling. But now, if you would kindly let my down, we could begin your lessons." The cunning mixture of emotions of his face vanishes, and he stares at me like I'm a demon sent to destroy him. "Now, now," I whisper, running a hand through his unruly hair. "You must trust me if we are to get anywhere." I gaze at him seriously and intently, letting him know that there is to be no more play until I am satisfied. "Please, Tasuki. Just trust me."
"Alright," he answers after only a moment of hesitation. Bewildered, but relieved nevertheless at his quick submission, I keep still as he lowers me gently back into the water, then snakes an arm around my waist to keep me close. "Whenever you're ready, Tan."
Suspicious at his unusual display of compliance, I pull away from him gently and walk deeper into the water. Is he truly surrendering, or only playing at it? But my doubts are put to rest when I see the calm expression on his face-a look of pure faith. Is it possible that all I needed to do was ask him to trust me? Was he truly afraid before that? Determined now more than ever, I beckon him to come closer to me, deeper into the water. Undaunted, he obeys, and follows after me until we are up to our shoulders, our feet buried deep in the soft sand beneath the waves.
I give him a smile to tell him that I plan on getting him out of this ocean alive, and begin my first lesson. "The first thing you must learn before actually learning to swim," I announce, "Is to simply float."
Intrigued, he raises an eyebrow. "I can do that, no problem!" he says, giving me a half-smile.
"Well, go on then," I challenge, "Lie on your back and just float around for a few minutes to get the feel of the water."
He eases back into the water as if expecting it to completely hold all of his weight, and is promptly dunked beneath the gentle waves by his own movements. He resurfaces, sputtering and coughing, and it is obvious that I have a lot of work to do.
I want to tease him, but he has my trust now, and I do not plan on damaging it with mocking words. Instead, I shift my body until I'm behind him, then lay my hand softly on his shoulders. "Try again," I urge gently. "Your body isn't going to remain completely out of the water, but even if it feels like you're about to sink, you really aren't if you just lie still and let the water do all the work. Now, just fall back into me." He turns his head and I give him a reassuring smile before he obeys and leans gently into my chest. I slip my hands beneath his shoulders to ease his descent and coach him in how to lift his legs and spread his arms. When we're both sure that he won't slip beneath the surface, I move from behind his head to his side and slip my forearms under his back to help hold some of his weight. I feel him relaxing after only a few moments as he becomes accustomed to the swaying sensations of floating. His eyelids droop closed and a small smile shapes his lips.
"This is kinda nice," he comments.
"Mm-hmm," I muse, smiling at the lax expression on his face. Slowly, so he won't feel it, I slide my hands out from beneath him and allow him to float freely. I'm pleased when he doesn't even realize that I'm not helping him any longer. It means that he's learning.
"Are you ready to learn something else?" I ask after a few more quiet minutes.
"Sure!" he replies with surprising enthusiasm, "You can let go of me now."
"I let go of you a long time ago," I answer merrily.
"Huh?"
In mere seconds, he's submerged again and resurfacing. Coughing and glaring at me, he frowns. "What the hell?"
"You did it to yourself," I say calmly before he can shoot off any accusations. "You were doing fine until you realized I wasn't there helping you. You're not helpless, you know." I frown to accentuate my point. "Now, do it again without my help."
He coughs up the last of the water and obeys me quicker than I expected him to, leaning back into the water, lifting his legs, and spreading his arms wide. To my satisfaction, he doesn't sink again, but floats very nicely. "Good!" I reply, moving to his side again, "Now we can move on to the more difficult techniques."
For the better part of an hour, I demonstrate different swimming methods to him, starting with the more simple techniques of dog-paddling and treading water, and to my great satisfaction, he picks up on each of them extremely fast and efficiently. After only another hour, he is diving beneath the waves and swimming under water, resurfacing only to continue swimming by arching his arms over his head and kicking his feet swiftly- exactly as I taught him to do mere minutes earlier.
Pleased at what a quick learner he is, I watch in admiration as his sleek body plunges beneath the surface and rises again and again. His soaked hair plasters to his cheek and forehead, and his chest glistens in the shimmer of the moonlight. I am more than ready to consummate our marriage, and by the way he slides his hands over my naked body beneath the water whenever we're between lessons, I can tell that he is too.
We swim together for a little longer, both of us able to enjoy the water now that we're both more than comfortable in it.
"I should've learned how to do this a long time ago," my husband comments, swimming up behind me and wrapping an arm playfully around my waist.
"I'm glad you didn't," I reply, "Do you remember when we were on the docks, just before you left for Hokkan?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I told you that since you didn't know how to, I was going to have fun being the one to teach you how to swim. And I have!"
He pulls me back into his chest and nuzzles my cheek gently with his lips. "I'm glad it was you to teach me," he whispers as he circles my waist with one arm. His other arm bends beneath mine, and I suddenly feel the warmth of his palm cupping my breast gently. I exhale deeply at the sensation, and inhale deeper still as he begins to tenderly compress me in his hand.
For no reason at all, a question forms in my mind. It was partially answered in the gardens this afternoon, but not directly since I didn't ask it directly. It is a practical question, no doubt asked by many new wives to their husbands. And the new husband usually would give his beloved a romantic answer that would make her sigh and run into his arms, ashamed that she would ever feel the need to ask that question. But I'm not ashamed to ask it. The answer to it is crucial.
"Tasuki?" I whisper between my labored breaths, "Can I ask you something?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Why did you want to marry me?"
His hand stops its soft movements, making me miss it instantly. The arm wound affectionately around my waist pulls me harder into the warmth of my husband. Is he having to think of his answer? I wouldn't blame him. Why did he want to marry me? I am not beautiful in the conventional way; in fact, I barely resemble the proper women of Konan. My eyes are too large and too transparent, too brazen and forward to be called the eyes of a lady. And my thick mahogany hair may be smooth and lustrous, but I hardly ever take the time to comb it out. My skin is too dark from being outside in the markets so much, making me look almost like a slave who's spent her days in the fields. I am not modest or docile. I curse. I love the taste of liquor. Oh, and have I mentioned that I was once a prostitute? I've slept with too many men to count, and it is possible that my body has been permanently damaged because of this. Does he not know that I may unknowingly give to him what diseases my body may harbor from my many years of being a whore? The story of Lady Tsuya keeps flashing through my mind even though I try to stop it. Her strange illness might have been caused by a demon of sickness. It could have been caused by absolutely nothing and simply bloomed inside her body one day. Or it could have been the consequences of her many years of prostitution. The same thing could happen to me.
Suddenly, I feel his grip on me tighten, and suddenly my body is spun around in the chest-high water until I am facing him, pressed to his body. His exotic eyes shine like gold in the darkness, arresting me in their hypnotic gaze. Is he angry? Surprised? Uncertain? The intensity of his eyes almost makes me want to avert my own gaze, but I refuse.
"Tansho," he says, his voice unexpectedly serene and tender. My rigidity melts at the sound. "Why are you asking me this? Don't you know?"
"No," I state firmly, "I don't know. I'm asking you because I want to know why you would to marry a woman who was once a whore. Doesn't that bother you? If we were staying in the capital, wouldn't you be ashamed to be seen with-"
He grabs my shoulders and shakes me hard, as if trying to wake me from a drug-induced sleep. I gasp as the stern golden sheen of his eyes intensified.
"Tansho!" he cries, narrowing those mesmerizing eyes at me, "No! I'm not ashamed of what you once were! And I'm not bothered by it anymore either."
"Anymore?" I inquire.
His firm grasp on my shoulder softens a little, and his hands slip behind my back to pull me into his embrace. I balk, and stare at him incredulously, my hands pressed to his chest to keep my distance, demanding that he continue.
"I admit that when we were first together, I was jealous. How could I not be? And I worried for you constantly. I was more bothered by the fact that I left you after every time we were together than by the fact that you were a prostitute. I constantly thought of some crazed client of yours killing you-or that bastard Shingen." He tries to pull me into him once again, and this time I go willingly, my hands slipping behind him. "But it doesn't matter anymore-because you're mine, and I can keep you safe now. Yeah, it's kinda hard to think of what you used to be, but it doesn't mean that I hold anything against you or that think less of you than I would of any other woman." I can feel his heart beating against my naked breasts, warming me and comforting me. I still have to know, though.
"But aren't you afraid?" I whisper hoarsely.
"Afraid of what, Tan?"
"Of me. Of what my body might do to you. I've been with hundreds of men, Tasuki. Only the gods know what diseases may lurk inside me."
I feel his muscles tighten, and I wonder if it is because he's thought of this before but never imagined I would mention it. It is either this, or the fact that the thought has never once passed through his mind. His hands suddenly come alive on my naked skin, and run up and down the length of my back as if trying to soothe me. I hear him sigh in my ear, and I am puzzled by his strange actions.
"No, I'm not afraid of you, Tansho," he says quietly, "And I knew a long time ago what you just told me. I'm prepared for whatever may happen to us; I always have been. I love you, and I decided long before I asked you to marry me that I would stay with you and blame you for nothing no matter what happened to me or to you."
I close my eyes sadly. He sounds so sure of himself, just as he always is. My darling husband. My beloved. I can only pray to the gods to protect us from my past. But is it possible that our future may be affected by this as well? I lost our first child-but was it because of my body, or simply Fate? Will I ever be able to have a child? Or will they all be flushed from me the moment they begin living? My heart aches to tell him all of this, but my logic tells me that it would only harm him at a moment in time when he cannot afford to be harmed.
"You still haven't answered my question, Tasuki," I whisper into the bare skin of his shoulder. "Why did you marry me?"
"I married you because I love you, Tan," he answers without hesitation, "You're a marvelous woman to have survived all that you have, and still have so much life and love inside you. I'm in awe of you sometimes."
"I'm in awe of you every minute of the day," I reply quietly. "You have to be in awe of a man who dared to love a whore."
I feel him laugh a little, and I smile in return. Dear gods, I think to myself, do not take him away from me ever again. Let me keep him for longer than a few days. I want years. Decades.
I pull my husband closer to me as if that would keep him here, and I imaging the years that are to come-years of freedom and happiness. Years of love. And I see them all as clearly as the stars that illuminate the late summer sky, and I allow myself to be lost in them for a few moments as the cool waves of the ocean swirl around our bodies.
A/N: Once again, I am terribly sorry for the wait. I've just finished registering for my Spring semester classes (I didn't hardly get any of the professors and classes I wanted! ( But oh well!)
Ok, well, I have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters. ^_^ I almost didn't write the scenes where Tansho teaches Tasuki how to swim, but then I remembered how she had promised to do so in one of the earlier chapters, and I thought the best setting for it would be their wedding night. ^_^ So romantic, huh?
Thanks so so so much for all the compliments on the wedding chapter. I loved writing that chap, and I think I loved writing the author's notes even more. ^_^ I'm glad you guys liked those, by the way. I was worried they were a little long-winded, but I guess that was necessary considering how much I wanted to tell you.
Well, I gotta go and study for a Politics & Society test. ( Believe it or not, that's actually one of my fav classes. ^_^
Love you guys!!! See ya later!!!
Into the Depths of the Sea
The sun has set, but I know that I will never forget it. I was married beneath it, bathed in its blood-red glow, and it has been burned in my heart forever. I still can't believe Tasuki suggested we have the ceremony at sunset for the simple reason of being in the presence of its beauty. My beloved has always been strangely romantic considering his usually aggressive and boisterous personality, but my soul was moved beyond comprehension when he suggested we get married at sunset in the seraglio courtyard.
I keep my fingers firmly entwined with his in case he doubts me and feels the need to escape from wherever he thinks I'm taking him. If he only knew, then perhaps he would want to flee. But I feel the relentless need to teach him something before he leaves me tomorrow. Even though I already know he will resist me until the very end, I am determined to teach Tasuki how to swim. And I will succeed, no matter how much he cusses and pleads. I grin cunningly, glad that my face is partially obscured by the dense night that has followed the setting sun. Only the edge of the city is still tinted red, telling me that the fullness of night is close.
I lead him silently through the courtyards and gates of the palace, surprised that I remember so clearly the way to the palace docks considering I only visited them once. He tries to pry our destination out of me, but I only fling suggestive grins over my shoulder, fooling him into thinking that I'm as amorous as he is. What my poor husband doesn't yet know is that he'll have to learn how to swim before he gets what he wants- and no doubt probably needs very badly considering the time we've been separated. I, of course, am just as eager to get my new husband alone in my bedroom to ravish as I have been doing only in my dreams for so long. I feel guilty for a moment, thinking that I'm duping him, but when I hear the calming sighs of the ocean waves just ahead of us, I forget all thoughts and focus on the task at hand. I already foretell how difficult it will be to get Tasuki into the water, but I'm not worried-I have a strategy sure to lure him in eventually. Even if he truly wanted to, I doubt I could resist.
I slow our pace down now that we are close, and suddenly I'm pulled to a halt by Tasuki. I turn around to glance at him and see an expression of dread in his eyes-and a hint of betrayal when he looks down at me, obviously wondering why in hell I've seemingly led him to the edge of hell. I sigh and tug at his hand with both of mine, unnerved.
"Hell no!" he protests loudly, shaking his head. "I love you, Tan- but hell no!"
"Please, my darling?" I purr, slowly pulling him along after me. After a few more minutes, I've managed to make it to the flight of wooden steps beside the docks that lead down to the beach. It is a somewhat difficult job to get him down the rickety steps, but once again, I somehow manage. The heels of his black boots dig ferociously into the thick sand once we reach our destination, desperate to stop.
"N-no!" he cries again, trying to pull against me without harming me in the process. I refuse to give in, even though I sympathize with his fear. But soon, it is impossible to make him budge an inch further. He may not have his celestial powers, but his strength as a normal man still outweighs my own by far. His eyes are wild and glazed, and his hand trembles slightly within mine. The poor darling.
Finally, when I realize I won't be able to drag him any closer without having to physically fight him, I drop his hand and stand forlornly in front of him. The docks are to the right of us, their heavy wooden planks and support beams are above our heads, casting shadows onto the dark beach. The fleet of ships rock lazily in the gentle churn of the sea, their hulls groaning with every dip and rise. Behind us looms the southeast wall of the palace, a comforting presence. The top rim of the moon is beginning to peek above the dark sapphire waves in the distance. I turn slightly to look at it, appreciating its hypnotic beauty. The waves of the sea are calm and smooth, lapping gently against the shore a few feet away from us. The dying glow of the sun shines upon them, reflecting off their surface and shimmering exotically in the darkening sky. I'm entranced, and for a moment I forget why I came here. It is not until I hear the soft hiss of sand beneath boots that I realize Tasuki is trying to make his get away while I'm preoccupied with the beauty of the water. I swing around to see him with his back to me, walking as silently as possible back towards the docks, most likely begging Suzaku that I don't see him. But the phoenix deity is on my side, and I am quick to catch my retreating lover before he can even step onto the wooden stairs leading back up to the docks.
"Oh, no you don't!" I tease, grabbing his shoulders from behind and spinning him around. I look him square in the eyes, tired of battling and pleading. "You will learn to swim tonight, whether you want to or not!" I announce boldly, meaning every word I say. I am prepared to threaten him if I must-though with what, I'm not exactly sure. I slip my hands over his shoulders and wrap them around the nape of his neck, pulling him down to my level.
"Tan," he moans, "Please don't make me! Can't we just go back to the palace and celebrate our wedding?"
"No!" I retort firmly. But then I soften my voice for what I say next to keep his trust. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow not knowing how to swim. I know you may think its wasted knowledge seeing as you may never even see a pond while you're in battle." I pause for effect. "But there are plenty of things that could happen, Tasuki. You never know when or where knowing how to swim could save your life-or someone else's."
His eyes soften even though he's still gazing at me in dread. He understands my concern, and for a moment I believe that he will relent and allow me to tutor him. But then he pulls away from me, backing towards the steps. "I know, Tan," he replies, trying to sound apologetic, "But I can't go in there." He motions toward the ocean in front of us, and I suddenly remember his near-drowning experience during his travels to Hokkan and Sairo. I place my hands on my hips. This only solidifies my worry, and makes me that much more determined. All right then, I guess I must revert to temptation to get him into the water.
I blow him a kiss and give him a slight wave with my hand, turning around and strolling back down to the shoreline. "That's fine!' I call over my shoulder. "I'm just going for a quick swim. I'll meet you back in the seraglio."
I find a couple of large rocks near the waterline and plop down on the highest one. I pull my slippers off and arrange them beside me on the smaller rock before reaching my hands up to my hair and beginning work on pulling out the hairpins and undoing the chignon. Once my hip-length tresses are free and blowing lazily in the ocean breeze, I place all my hair ornaments inside my slippers to keep from losing any of them. I stand up, my bare feet sinking deliciously into the cool sand, and begin untying my sash. As it slips off, I turn around to see my husband watching me quite intently. A victorious smile spreads across my face as I unwrap my girdle and slip my maple leaf embroidered over robe off my shoulders. I fold each article of clothing carefully, not wanting to soil it in the sand or wrinkle it, and place them on the rock I was previously seated on. As the crimson under robe slips from my shoulders and down my arms, I watch in satisfaction as the glow of Tasuki's eyes intensifies. I suppose what I am doing could be considered cheating, but I don't give a damn. Slowly, and probably against his knowledge, he is walking towards me-and towards the water. Now fully naked, I fold my under robe and place it atop the rest of my clothing before sauntering down to the water only a few feet away, making sure to give my hips a bit more of a swing than usual.
A wave surges into the shoreline, flowing over my bare feet. I walk deeper into the cool water, letting the sea slowly flow around my ankles, my knees, my thighs, my hips, until I'm waist-deep in the salty water. Only now do I turn around and see my beloved standing forlornly where I once stood, his fists clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed as if accuses me of something. I try to hold it back, but I only end up laughing harder. He tenses as if I am mocking him, and only then do I realize that I am in a way.
"What's the matter, my darling?" I call out over the soft rumblings of the waves rolling into the shore.
"That's not fair!" he calls back, crossing his arms over his chest like a little child.
Ignoring his complaint, I fill the palms of my hands with seawater and lift them to my chest, where I allow the water to trickle down the valley of my sternum and over the full mounds of my naked breasts. His burning eyes narrow even more, and for a moment I think I hear a growl penetrate the air. Could he truly be mad at me? I cock my head and reach my hands up to my hair, knowing that I am blatantly teasing him now. But he is closer to the water, is he not? Smiling, I turn my back on him and continue slowly wetting myself with my hands.
An exasperated sound fills the air and, surprised, I turn around to see Tasuki madly stripping his clothes away. His heavy black boots land with a thump as he pulls them off and throws them to the sand. His over coat is next to be shed, followed by his white under shirt and tan trousers. Before I know what is happening, he is splashing through the shallow water, his naked body gleaming in the moonlight. Unabashed, I take the opportunity to give him a swift once-over, my gaze drifting between his thighs just before he reaches me. Still shocked by his sudden appearance, I don't resist as he curls one arm beneath my knees, the other around my back, and lifts me playfully into the air, holding me tight against his chest. When my senses finally return to me, I find him gazing down at me, a look of defeat on his handsome face. But I also detect a hint of amusement in his radiant eyes, not to mention the burning glow of desire that has resided there ever since he returned yesterday.
"You wanted me in the water," he replies coolly, "So I'm in the water."
I smirk at him, and give him a quick peck on the cheek. "And I'm very proud of you, my darling. But now, if you would kindly let my down, we could begin your lessons." The cunning mixture of emotions of his face vanishes, and he stares at me like I'm a demon sent to destroy him. "Now, now," I whisper, running a hand through his unruly hair. "You must trust me if we are to get anywhere." I gaze at him seriously and intently, letting him know that there is to be no more play until I am satisfied. "Please, Tasuki. Just trust me."
"Alright," he answers after only a moment of hesitation. Bewildered, but relieved nevertheless at his quick submission, I keep still as he lowers me gently back into the water, then snakes an arm around my waist to keep me close. "Whenever you're ready, Tan."
Suspicious at his unusual display of compliance, I pull away from him gently and walk deeper into the water. Is he truly surrendering, or only playing at it? But my doubts are put to rest when I see the calm expression on his face-a look of pure faith. Is it possible that all I needed to do was ask him to trust me? Was he truly afraid before that? Determined now more than ever, I beckon him to come closer to me, deeper into the water. Undaunted, he obeys, and follows after me until we are up to our shoulders, our feet buried deep in the soft sand beneath the waves.
I give him a smile to tell him that I plan on getting him out of this ocean alive, and begin my first lesson. "The first thing you must learn before actually learning to swim," I announce, "Is to simply float."
Intrigued, he raises an eyebrow. "I can do that, no problem!" he says, giving me a half-smile.
"Well, go on then," I challenge, "Lie on your back and just float around for a few minutes to get the feel of the water."
He eases back into the water as if expecting it to completely hold all of his weight, and is promptly dunked beneath the gentle waves by his own movements. He resurfaces, sputtering and coughing, and it is obvious that I have a lot of work to do.
I want to tease him, but he has my trust now, and I do not plan on damaging it with mocking words. Instead, I shift my body until I'm behind him, then lay my hand softly on his shoulders. "Try again," I urge gently. "Your body isn't going to remain completely out of the water, but even if it feels like you're about to sink, you really aren't if you just lie still and let the water do all the work. Now, just fall back into me." He turns his head and I give him a reassuring smile before he obeys and leans gently into my chest. I slip my hands beneath his shoulders to ease his descent and coach him in how to lift his legs and spread his arms. When we're both sure that he won't slip beneath the surface, I move from behind his head to his side and slip my forearms under his back to help hold some of his weight. I feel him relaxing after only a few moments as he becomes accustomed to the swaying sensations of floating. His eyelids droop closed and a small smile shapes his lips.
"This is kinda nice," he comments.
"Mm-hmm," I muse, smiling at the lax expression on his face. Slowly, so he won't feel it, I slide my hands out from beneath him and allow him to float freely. I'm pleased when he doesn't even realize that I'm not helping him any longer. It means that he's learning.
"Are you ready to learn something else?" I ask after a few more quiet minutes.
"Sure!" he replies with surprising enthusiasm, "You can let go of me now."
"I let go of you a long time ago," I answer merrily.
"Huh?"
In mere seconds, he's submerged again and resurfacing. Coughing and glaring at me, he frowns. "What the hell?"
"You did it to yourself," I say calmly before he can shoot off any accusations. "You were doing fine until you realized I wasn't there helping you. You're not helpless, you know." I frown to accentuate my point. "Now, do it again without my help."
He coughs up the last of the water and obeys me quicker than I expected him to, leaning back into the water, lifting his legs, and spreading his arms wide. To my satisfaction, he doesn't sink again, but floats very nicely. "Good!" I reply, moving to his side again, "Now we can move on to the more difficult techniques."
For the better part of an hour, I demonstrate different swimming methods to him, starting with the more simple techniques of dog-paddling and treading water, and to my great satisfaction, he picks up on each of them extremely fast and efficiently. After only another hour, he is diving beneath the waves and swimming under water, resurfacing only to continue swimming by arching his arms over his head and kicking his feet swiftly- exactly as I taught him to do mere minutes earlier.
Pleased at what a quick learner he is, I watch in admiration as his sleek body plunges beneath the surface and rises again and again. His soaked hair plasters to his cheek and forehead, and his chest glistens in the shimmer of the moonlight. I am more than ready to consummate our marriage, and by the way he slides his hands over my naked body beneath the water whenever we're between lessons, I can tell that he is too.
We swim together for a little longer, both of us able to enjoy the water now that we're both more than comfortable in it.
"I should've learned how to do this a long time ago," my husband comments, swimming up behind me and wrapping an arm playfully around my waist.
"I'm glad you didn't," I reply, "Do you remember when we were on the docks, just before you left for Hokkan?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I told you that since you didn't know how to, I was going to have fun being the one to teach you how to swim. And I have!"
He pulls me back into his chest and nuzzles my cheek gently with his lips. "I'm glad it was you to teach me," he whispers as he circles my waist with one arm. His other arm bends beneath mine, and I suddenly feel the warmth of his palm cupping my breast gently. I exhale deeply at the sensation, and inhale deeper still as he begins to tenderly compress me in his hand.
For no reason at all, a question forms in my mind. It was partially answered in the gardens this afternoon, but not directly since I didn't ask it directly. It is a practical question, no doubt asked by many new wives to their husbands. And the new husband usually would give his beloved a romantic answer that would make her sigh and run into his arms, ashamed that she would ever feel the need to ask that question. But I'm not ashamed to ask it. The answer to it is crucial.
"Tasuki?" I whisper between my labored breaths, "Can I ask you something?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Why did you want to marry me?"
His hand stops its soft movements, making me miss it instantly. The arm wound affectionately around my waist pulls me harder into the warmth of my husband. Is he having to think of his answer? I wouldn't blame him. Why did he want to marry me? I am not beautiful in the conventional way; in fact, I barely resemble the proper women of Konan. My eyes are too large and too transparent, too brazen and forward to be called the eyes of a lady. And my thick mahogany hair may be smooth and lustrous, but I hardly ever take the time to comb it out. My skin is too dark from being outside in the markets so much, making me look almost like a slave who's spent her days in the fields. I am not modest or docile. I curse. I love the taste of liquor. Oh, and have I mentioned that I was once a prostitute? I've slept with too many men to count, and it is possible that my body has been permanently damaged because of this. Does he not know that I may unknowingly give to him what diseases my body may harbor from my many years of being a whore? The story of Lady Tsuya keeps flashing through my mind even though I try to stop it. Her strange illness might have been caused by a demon of sickness. It could have been caused by absolutely nothing and simply bloomed inside her body one day. Or it could have been the consequences of her many years of prostitution. The same thing could happen to me.
Suddenly, I feel his grip on me tighten, and suddenly my body is spun around in the chest-high water until I am facing him, pressed to his body. His exotic eyes shine like gold in the darkness, arresting me in their hypnotic gaze. Is he angry? Surprised? Uncertain? The intensity of his eyes almost makes me want to avert my own gaze, but I refuse.
"Tansho," he says, his voice unexpectedly serene and tender. My rigidity melts at the sound. "Why are you asking me this? Don't you know?"
"No," I state firmly, "I don't know. I'm asking you because I want to know why you would to marry a woman who was once a whore. Doesn't that bother you? If we were staying in the capital, wouldn't you be ashamed to be seen with-"
He grabs my shoulders and shakes me hard, as if trying to wake me from a drug-induced sleep. I gasp as the stern golden sheen of his eyes intensified.
"Tansho!" he cries, narrowing those mesmerizing eyes at me, "No! I'm not ashamed of what you once were! And I'm not bothered by it anymore either."
"Anymore?" I inquire.
His firm grasp on my shoulder softens a little, and his hands slip behind my back to pull me into his embrace. I balk, and stare at him incredulously, my hands pressed to his chest to keep my distance, demanding that he continue.
"I admit that when we were first together, I was jealous. How could I not be? And I worried for you constantly. I was more bothered by the fact that I left you after every time we were together than by the fact that you were a prostitute. I constantly thought of some crazed client of yours killing you-or that bastard Shingen." He tries to pull me into him once again, and this time I go willingly, my hands slipping behind him. "But it doesn't matter anymore-because you're mine, and I can keep you safe now. Yeah, it's kinda hard to think of what you used to be, but it doesn't mean that I hold anything against you or that think less of you than I would of any other woman." I can feel his heart beating against my naked breasts, warming me and comforting me. I still have to know, though.
"But aren't you afraid?" I whisper hoarsely.
"Afraid of what, Tan?"
"Of me. Of what my body might do to you. I've been with hundreds of men, Tasuki. Only the gods know what diseases may lurk inside me."
I feel his muscles tighten, and I wonder if it is because he's thought of this before but never imagined I would mention it. It is either this, or the fact that the thought has never once passed through his mind. His hands suddenly come alive on my naked skin, and run up and down the length of my back as if trying to soothe me. I hear him sigh in my ear, and I am puzzled by his strange actions.
"No, I'm not afraid of you, Tansho," he says quietly, "And I knew a long time ago what you just told me. I'm prepared for whatever may happen to us; I always have been. I love you, and I decided long before I asked you to marry me that I would stay with you and blame you for nothing no matter what happened to me or to you."
I close my eyes sadly. He sounds so sure of himself, just as he always is. My darling husband. My beloved. I can only pray to the gods to protect us from my past. But is it possible that our future may be affected by this as well? I lost our first child-but was it because of my body, or simply Fate? Will I ever be able to have a child? Or will they all be flushed from me the moment they begin living? My heart aches to tell him all of this, but my logic tells me that it would only harm him at a moment in time when he cannot afford to be harmed.
"You still haven't answered my question, Tasuki," I whisper into the bare skin of his shoulder. "Why did you marry me?"
"I married you because I love you, Tan," he answers without hesitation, "You're a marvelous woman to have survived all that you have, and still have so much life and love inside you. I'm in awe of you sometimes."
"I'm in awe of you every minute of the day," I reply quietly. "You have to be in awe of a man who dared to love a whore."
I feel him laugh a little, and I smile in return. Dear gods, I think to myself, do not take him away from me ever again. Let me keep him for longer than a few days. I want years. Decades.
I pull my husband closer to me as if that would keep him here, and I imaging the years that are to come-years of freedom and happiness. Years of love. And I see them all as clearly as the stars that illuminate the late summer sky, and I allow myself to be lost in them for a few moments as the cool waves of the ocean swirl around our bodies.
A/N: Once again, I am terribly sorry for the wait. I've just finished registering for my Spring semester classes (I didn't hardly get any of the professors and classes I wanted! ( But oh well!)
Ok, well, I have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters. ^_^ I almost didn't write the scenes where Tansho teaches Tasuki how to swim, but then I remembered how she had promised to do so in one of the earlier chapters, and I thought the best setting for it would be their wedding night. ^_^ So romantic, huh?
Thanks so so so much for all the compliments on the wedding chapter. I loved writing that chap, and I think I loved writing the author's notes even more. ^_^ I'm glad you guys liked those, by the way. I was worried they were a little long-winded, but I guess that was necessary considering how much I wanted to tell you.
Well, I gotta go and study for a Politics & Society test. ( Believe it or not, that's actually one of my fav classes. ^_^
Love you guys!!! See ya later!!!