Chapter 55
In The Courtyard
The days pass by much faster than I ever expected them to. And what is even more strange and wonderfully surprising is that they pass in ways I never dreamed possible. If I were still living incarcerated as a slave and prostitute in the Black Dove, there wouldn't be a chance in hell that I'd ever believe entire mornings could be spent having your hands and feet massaged with almond oil. And I would never believe afternoons could be spent lounging in the shade of magnolia trees like a lazy cat or strolling in the marketplaces without the slightest intention of buying something. I would never believe that there would be dinner parties where only women were in attendance, where anything and everything on earth could be discussed openly without any inhibition.
It is not hard for me to adjust to the calm, indifferent life of the harem. I am more than willing to be absorbed by the dimness of the courtyard, chatting and sipping tea with the courtesans. I am more than happy to have the freedom to step outside my door and go wherever I please. The freedom, I believe, is the most extraordinary thing. Evens when I was an innocent, untainted child I was never like I am now. I am a woman who has the ability to go, say, do, and be what she pleases. I am no longer ordered by a man to remove my clothes and spread my legs. I am no longer forced to endure the beatings and curses and unpredictability of the brothel. I am free.
And yet I still struggle like a wounded deer to rise from my bed each morning. I know that I must get up and live, but my heart still longs to simply lie down and mourn what I no longer have with me - my beloved warrior, my husband, and my friend. I miss him more as each day goes by. There is nothing that doesn't remind me of him in some way. I see his flaming hair in the fires of the seraglio hearths. I see his strange, gold- green eyes in the deepest parts of the ocean when I peer off the docks.
On some mornings I am tempted to just lie still when Naho wakes me with the announcement of breakfast. But Asako's words and my dream of Tasuki still echo inside the caves of my mind, and I somehow summon the willpower to get up, bathe, eat, and dress myself for the day. And some days I am as happy as I should be, seeing how I've been practically pulled from the bottom of society and tenderly placed atop it. But on some days I find myself wandering aimlessly through the garden, my eyes staring far off in the distance, my arms dangling lifelessly at my side. On these days, I find a soul mate in dear Okichi, who has also lost someone she loves to the unpredictable hostility of war. We walk together sometimes, encouraging each other, holding each other, and whispering that all will be well. I cannot describe how elated I am for Okichi. To find love as we did in a place where love cannot blossom without the help of Fate is a miracle. And both of us realize this. Her face lights up like a lantern each time she mentions Tokizo's name, making me smile as well at the mention of my dear friend who watched over me during the tumultuous days following the emperor's decree. I dread what could happen. To lose a husband and dear friend could doom me, and to see Okichi as she mourns for her lost love would surely kill me if the news of Tasuki and Tokizo's deaths didn't. And so we pray and hope, and let our faith fill us to the brim.
The morning that he returns to the capital is a morning like no other. It has been nearly a month since his departure and Autumn is setting in gently and slowly as if it doesn't wish to startle us, and the leaves are tipped with beautiful, deep shades of brown and yellow and red. The air has taken on a welcome chill, banishing the warmth that is still trying to desperately hang on to the late summer. And on the morning Koi comes barging into my room, her uncombed hair flying madly behind her, I am strangely already awake as if I knew she were bringing me news. When I see her eyes, I know. He is here.
"Tansho," Koi gasps, stumbling into my bedroom like a drunkard and grasping one of my bedposts. "I saw Tasuki in the palace's main courtyard! He's here, Tansho. He's in the palace!"
Even though I knew in my heart that she was bringing momentous news, I am still shocked beyond comprehension. He's here, my mind repeats over and over to itself. He's here, in the palace, so close. My eyes rise to meet Koi's, asking her what I should do. My heart longs more than anything to flee from my chambers and run with all my might toward the main courtyard, and yet my heart also trembles inside of me in sorrow. If I see him, I will be satisfied simply by being able to touch him, to speak with him, to know that he is still in this world. And yet, if I see him, I will most likely have to watch him leave me again, for the war surely isn't over. He must surely return to the battlefields. He must surely have to leave me again. Can I bear that? Can I watch him leave again?
I feel a hand fold itself over mine, and I look up into the eyes of Koi, my dearest friend. She understands. I can see it deep inside of her ocean-blue eyes.
"Tansho," she says, "You must go see him even if it means you have to see him leave again. I don't want to say this, dear, to hurt you, but you never know what could happen to him when he leaves the palace's gates after today."
She speaks the truth. I have always known this truth. And that is why I know I must go see him.
"Come with me," I say to her. "I may need you to carry me back to seraglio." A smile spreads across her girlish face, pleased to know that I haven't yet lost my sense of humor.
We walk swiftly though the courtyards and across the verandas of the palace, making our way towards the main courtyard as quickly as possible. To the north of the monstrous courtyard lies His Highness's throne room, and in front of it are stationed nearly a dozen imperial soldiers. Even as honored guests of the palace, the two of us would never be allowed anywhere near the main entrance of the throne room, much less inside of it. So we linger in the shadows of one of the many surrounding buildings, watching and waiting for whatever may happen. And to my surprise, we don't have to wait very long. Only a few minutes after we've arrived, I see two men exit the throne room, both of them practically running down the several dozen stairs that lead from the emperor's throne room to the huge courtyard below. And as they enter the sunlight of the courtyard, I instantly recognize the brilliant orange of Tasuki's hair, shining like gold and fire. My heart leaps inside of me, almost painfully. My blood flows hot. My feet immediately move forward, without waiting for my command or even my consent.
"Tasuki!" I whisper, my hands fluttering forward as if he were right in front of me. I see him stop mid-stride, his body suddenly rigid, his face hidden from my view. His companion, a young man with strangely beautiful hair the color of sapphires stops as well when he realizes Tasuki is no longer at his side. From where I stand in the shadows, I can see him narrow his eyes at his Tasuki, curious as to what's wrong with him. And then my husband turns in my direction, his eyes searching for me as if he knows I am here. When they catch sight of me, they become alive. He opens his mouth as if to call out to me, but I don't give him time to speak. In only a few seconds, I have darted from the shadows like a cat, my skirts lifted to my knees, my legs pumping wildly, and I am running to him. I have forgotten about Koi, and I am blind to the presence of my husband's comrade. I see only Tasuki, and all thoughts of war, the seraglio, or myself have disappeared from my mind. My only thought is that I must reach him before he leaves me again, before I see him turn his back and ride away into war yet again.
He stands perfectly still, as if his body were frozen from shock at my sudden appearance. When I am within reach of him, I literally throw myself into his arms, crushing myself to him to fiercely that I knock the breath from my lungs and am left panting in his embrace. I feel his arms engulf me, and a noise which resembles a gasp of relief suddenly bursts from his lips.
"Tansho," he says simply, his tone resembling that of a man who has lost something and now has it in his possession again. My name is breathed into my hair, and it lingers there by my ears, singing softly to me.
We stand perfectly still for the longest time, clinging to each other, grateful to simply be able to hold each other again. I press my cheek into his chest, against his heartbeat, my mouth gaping open to allow precious air into my empty lungs. I never expected that I would miss him so much once I saw him again. Was it a mistake to come here? Will it do me more harm than good now that I've been with him again?
After what seems a glorious eternity, his hands rest themselves on my shoulders and push me gently away from him. A smile of pure happiness is spread on his face, but in his eyes I can see the shadows of sadness. I frown and blink, questioning him with my expression. He closes his eyes and lets out an exhausted sigh, an obvious sign that his days so far have not been idle. I feel so much sorrow clinging to him, and so much doubt. This is how he was when he returned from his journey to Hokkan and Sairo. But what is wrong? What has happened?
"Why are you here?" I ask bluntly, though not demandingly. He inhales deeply, but I can see that my forward question hasn't flustered him.
"Things are not going well on the battlefield," he replies calmly, his voice nearly emotionless. His fingers curl harder around my shoulders. "The major cities that sit on Konan's eastern borders are under hard attack by the Kutou forces. One has been conquered, and another is still being bombarded as we speak. We were sent as messengers to relay the news to His Highness." He motions to his companion when he finishes. I can already sense that there is something else. He's trying to delay telling me something, possibly planning on not telling me at all.
Suddenly Koi is at my side, her hand on mine, drawn to the conversation of the war. I am glad that she is here, and I turn to her with apology in my eyes for suddenly abandoning her in she shadows of the courtyard. She only smiles and shakes her head. I then urge my husband on with my eyes, demanding that he tell me what has happened that has caused a fog of uncertainty to settle over his face.
"There is something else, Tasuki," I reply smoothly, "Tell me what else has happened." He hangs his head momentarily, then lifts it again, staring off into the thick Autumn sky above us. He seems to be looking for something, and yet he doesn't seem to know where to look. His eyes return to me, full of doubt and a small hint of fear.
"Miaka and Tamahome have vanished," he says.
"Vanished?" I immediately retort, narrowing my eyes. "You mean to tell me that the enemy..."
"No," he replies quickly, cutting me off, "The enemy doesn't have them. They were..." Once again his eyes roam sky-ward before he continues. "They were here one minute and gone the next," he says, "A bright light swallowed both of them, totally surrounded them. And when it was gone - they were gone too." He steps closer to me, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "I think that Seiryu took them back to Miaka's world. I think that the Priestess of Seiryu did it just to try to get rid of Miaka and Tamahome."
Nothing that he has said makes any sense, and yet I feel myself slowly understanding it. A light took the priestess and her warrior-lover from this world to hers? I shake my head in puzzlement. "It doesn't make sense," I whisper, releasing Koi's hand and bringing my hands to my face to cradle my cheeks in my palms. "It doesn't make sense." I feel his arms around me again, comforting me. This has no doubt taken a tole on him as well. Even though he has lost his celestial powers, he is still a warrior of the priestess. Not knowing where she is or what happened to her is most likely slowing driving him mad. I hold him to me firmly, encouraging him with the beat of my heart and the swell of my lungs. At least he is still here.
"Tansho," he says, his voice suddenly seeming to come alive. Intrigued, I glance up into his eyes. His smile has returned, his genuine playful smile that belongs with him always. "I want you to meet someone. This is Koji," he says, stepping back from me and laying a hand firmly on the shoulder of his comrade. More than willing and eager to steer our thoughts and conversation away from war, I smile broadly at my husband's companion and bow slightly.
"Koji, this is Tansho," Tasuki continues, "my wife."
At this, the young man chuckles. "No matter how many times you tell me, Genro, I don't think I'll ever get used to ya' saying it." A lop-sided grin that greatly resembles my husband's appears on Koji's face, suddenly bringing to my attention his scarred cheek. It is a fierce scar that was no doubt painful to receive, and yet it gives the young man a relaxed, serene demeanor. I can't help but instantly compare him to water, just I would compare Tasuki to fire.
"Hello, Koji," I reply happily.
"Hey, Tansho," he answers just as enthusiastically, "Genro's talked non-stop about ya' since we joined up on the battlefield. It's an honor to finally meet ya'." The thick accent of his masculine voice is obviously the same as Tasuki's. Suddenly my mind makes a connection when I realize this. Is he? Could he be one of them?
"You're from Reikaku." It is more of a surprised statement than a question. He responds with an enthusiastic "yeah". I am suddenly grinning like a mad woman, my hands curled tightly to my breasts in glee. Why in hell I am so ecstatic is beyond me. Perhaps it is because I have longed to be close to the mountain under which I was born, or just to be close to the place that will be my home very soon, gods willing that this war ends without taking my husband with it to the grave.
"Koji's been holding down the fort since I left to come to the capital with Miaka and the others," Tasuki says, patting his friend firmly on the shoulder blade. "It'll be good to go back after all these months. I've missed the hell out of that place."
"It'll be good to have ya' back, Genro," Koji replies. He then throws a grin at me before adding, "And it'll be a nice to have a lady around, too, Tansho. That place could use a little bit of feminine care, if ya' know what I mean." I chuckle giddily, genuinely amused for the first time in quite awhile. I have taken an immediate liking to this charismatic, serene young man. He seems to be the opposite of his best friend, and that seems to keep the two of them in balance with each other and the world around them.
I see Koji's strange eyes glance beside me, and for a moment I think that I see something hiding there akin to fascination, like the feeling one would have toward an elusive bird or a rare flower. A moment later, I realize that he is gazing at Koi, who is still holding my hand gently in hers, silently waiting for me to remember her presence. I gasp in apology and lift my dear friend's hand to kiss her palm lovingly.
"Oh, forgive me!" I cry, partially in seriousness and partially in jest, "I have forgotten all about my dear Koi!" I smile broadly and introduce Tasuki's friend to mine, and watch in interest as they bow slowly to each other, both obviously taking into regard the features of the other. Intrigued, I raise an eyebrow and glance at my husband from the corner of my eye. He responds with a wicked grin, his fangs poking out from beneath his lips.
Koi and Koji exchange a few words, most of which make their mutual interest in each other obvious. And as they chat shyly, I take the opportunity to talk privately with Tasuki.
"Are you well?" I ask softly. He nods and smiles down at me, but doesn't reply. His heart and his mind are still far away, I realize. He did not plan on seeing me, so he has not had time to prepare himself. I can feel his fear to discuss war with me, his uncertainty as to how I will react.
"And the others, besides the priestess and Tamahome?"
"Mostly well. Mitsukake was injured a few days before Koji and I left to report to His Highness, but Chichiri is caring for him and says he's doing fine," he answers hesitantly. Suddenly, his eyelids droop and his mouth straightens itself into a tight, thin line. "I've been debating whether or not to tell you this, but I can't really find a reason why you shouldn't know. You would find it out sooner or later."
Surprised, I narrow my eyes at him, also somewhat irked that he would even think to keep something from me, much less confess to it. "What is it?" I ask.
"His Highness Hotohori is going to be leaving with us when we return to the eastern front," he states without hesitation. "He wishes to command his forces on his own, not from the safety of the palace."
"What?!" I whisper, my voice a choked rasp. "But he can't leave-"
"He knows what he must do, Tansho," Tasuki quickly retorts, keeping me from protesting something I have no right to protest against. "And he must do it."
Understanding, I nod blankly and press my fingers to my lips. Hoki. Poor Lady Hoki. As if reading my mind, Tasuki takes my hands in his and continues. "Don't speak of this to anyone, Tansho. His Highness will announce his intentions very soon. It is best that Hoki, his advisors, and everyone else find out from him and not one of us." I nod quickly in agreement, though I am still somewhat in shock.
What is the man thinking? I understand his desire to fight for his people and his empire, but certainly he must know that his place is not on he battlefield. The danger. The ferocity. The unpredictability. If he does not survive, what will become of Konan?
"Tan," Tasuki whispers, still holding my hands. I adore the sound of his pet name. So simple and true. So plainly beautiful. "I gotta go."
"I know," I reply calmly.
"This is the reason I was hoping to come and go without you finding out I was here. I didn't want to have to tell you goodbye again. I didn't want you to have to watch me leave again. I'm sorry."
"There's no reason to be sorry," I reply firmly, narrowing my eyes and shaking my head, "I must simply be the one to leave this time."
I trail my fingers up to his face and bring him down to my level, where I place a tender, soft kiss upon his lips and forehead. "Goodbye," I say, my voice pure, simple, and placid. "I will see you again soon, my love."
"Goodbye," he answers, his voice betraying him. The sorrow is deep in his chest, and he keeps it there. I can feel it, and although I want him to let it go free, to share it with me, I understand his reasons for wanting to keep it hidden.
Koi states her solemn farewell to Koji and Tasuki, and Koji does the same to Koi and I. And with a final gaze into the eyes of my husband and a soft smile to his closest comrade, I disappear once again into the shadows of the great courtyard, Koi at my side, her small, comforting hand entwined with mine.
A/N: Hello there, all! I hope all of you had a great Christmas. My mom was in the hospital so mine was a little down, but it got up real quick once she got home ^_^ Anyways, I thought I'd answer some reviews since it's been awhile since I talked to ya'll one-on-one.
Jen wit 1 n: Thank you for the sweet compliment about my chapter content. What fun is an exciting chap. Followed by a bland one, huh? ^_^
Mystic-Kitty06: Thanks so much for the compliment on my scenery and dialogue. And I promise that I won't wait a freakin' decade until my next update, OK? Hopefully I'll never ever do that to my beloved readers again.
Lee Larrabee: A lot of other reviewers mentioned what you talked about in your review, so I'm answering yours and theirs all in one big AN at the end, OK?
Railyn: I promise that the end will be what it should be. ^_^ (I'm a teaser ain't I?) Also, the same goes for you as Lee Larrabee. I'm addressing the last part of your review along with hers.
Lady Viola: Yes - poor little Naho. All will end well there, though. And thank you so much for the compliment.
Otaku-no-miko: Wow!! Half a year? ^_^ * blushes * Thanks for the great compliments on the characters - especially Tansho. And I'm so happy to hear that my writing has helped you with yours. And as with the others - I'm addressing your last comment at the ending AN, OK?
Ending AN: Ok, here we go! ^_^ I noticed that a lot of you mentioned something mutual in your last reviews - Tansho's unusual behavior following Tasuki's departure. You all mentioned that she seemed childish or selfish for acting the way she did (i.e holing up in her room, refusing to get out of bed, being ornery, and basically thinking all about herself). Yes, I admit that she was definitely being selfish - but you must understand that it was a direct result of grief. Tansho has been through a lot with Tasuki, and she was just recently reunited with him only a few days earlier, but now he's had to leave her yet again. In that chapter I wanted to portray Tansho as a wife worrying for the safety of her husband, and although she is definitely being self-absorbed, I think she has a damn good reason to be. Yes, I created Tansho to be an emotionally strong woman, but she's not made of steel or anything. She does feel deep pain, and in that particular chapter, she dealt with that pain in her own way (even though it was extremely childish). I continued to idea of unnaturally painful grief by making Asako's firm motherliness the only thing able to snap Tansho out of it.
I hope this cleared some things up for those of you wondering about it. And please don't dislike Tansho! ^_^ She couldn't help it - I did it to her! ^_^
Bye now. I'll see you guys later! Aama
In The Courtyard
The days pass by much faster than I ever expected them to. And what is even more strange and wonderfully surprising is that they pass in ways I never dreamed possible. If I were still living incarcerated as a slave and prostitute in the Black Dove, there wouldn't be a chance in hell that I'd ever believe entire mornings could be spent having your hands and feet massaged with almond oil. And I would never believe afternoons could be spent lounging in the shade of magnolia trees like a lazy cat or strolling in the marketplaces without the slightest intention of buying something. I would never believe that there would be dinner parties where only women were in attendance, where anything and everything on earth could be discussed openly without any inhibition.
It is not hard for me to adjust to the calm, indifferent life of the harem. I am more than willing to be absorbed by the dimness of the courtyard, chatting and sipping tea with the courtesans. I am more than happy to have the freedom to step outside my door and go wherever I please. The freedom, I believe, is the most extraordinary thing. Evens when I was an innocent, untainted child I was never like I am now. I am a woman who has the ability to go, say, do, and be what she pleases. I am no longer ordered by a man to remove my clothes and spread my legs. I am no longer forced to endure the beatings and curses and unpredictability of the brothel. I am free.
And yet I still struggle like a wounded deer to rise from my bed each morning. I know that I must get up and live, but my heart still longs to simply lie down and mourn what I no longer have with me - my beloved warrior, my husband, and my friend. I miss him more as each day goes by. There is nothing that doesn't remind me of him in some way. I see his flaming hair in the fires of the seraglio hearths. I see his strange, gold- green eyes in the deepest parts of the ocean when I peer off the docks.
On some mornings I am tempted to just lie still when Naho wakes me with the announcement of breakfast. But Asako's words and my dream of Tasuki still echo inside the caves of my mind, and I somehow summon the willpower to get up, bathe, eat, and dress myself for the day. And some days I am as happy as I should be, seeing how I've been practically pulled from the bottom of society and tenderly placed atop it. But on some days I find myself wandering aimlessly through the garden, my eyes staring far off in the distance, my arms dangling lifelessly at my side. On these days, I find a soul mate in dear Okichi, who has also lost someone she loves to the unpredictable hostility of war. We walk together sometimes, encouraging each other, holding each other, and whispering that all will be well. I cannot describe how elated I am for Okichi. To find love as we did in a place where love cannot blossom without the help of Fate is a miracle. And both of us realize this. Her face lights up like a lantern each time she mentions Tokizo's name, making me smile as well at the mention of my dear friend who watched over me during the tumultuous days following the emperor's decree. I dread what could happen. To lose a husband and dear friend could doom me, and to see Okichi as she mourns for her lost love would surely kill me if the news of Tasuki and Tokizo's deaths didn't. And so we pray and hope, and let our faith fill us to the brim.
The morning that he returns to the capital is a morning like no other. It has been nearly a month since his departure and Autumn is setting in gently and slowly as if it doesn't wish to startle us, and the leaves are tipped with beautiful, deep shades of brown and yellow and red. The air has taken on a welcome chill, banishing the warmth that is still trying to desperately hang on to the late summer. And on the morning Koi comes barging into my room, her uncombed hair flying madly behind her, I am strangely already awake as if I knew she were bringing me news. When I see her eyes, I know. He is here.
"Tansho," Koi gasps, stumbling into my bedroom like a drunkard and grasping one of my bedposts. "I saw Tasuki in the palace's main courtyard! He's here, Tansho. He's in the palace!"
Even though I knew in my heart that she was bringing momentous news, I am still shocked beyond comprehension. He's here, my mind repeats over and over to itself. He's here, in the palace, so close. My eyes rise to meet Koi's, asking her what I should do. My heart longs more than anything to flee from my chambers and run with all my might toward the main courtyard, and yet my heart also trembles inside of me in sorrow. If I see him, I will be satisfied simply by being able to touch him, to speak with him, to know that he is still in this world. And yet, if I see him, I will most likely have to watch him leave me again, for the war surely isn't over. He must surely return to the battlefields. He must surely have to leave me again. Can I bear that? Can I watch him leave again?
I feel a hand fold itself over mine, and I look up into the eyes of Koi, my dearest friend. She understands. I can see it deep inside of her ocean-blue eyes.
"Tansho," she says, "You must go see him even if it means you have to see him leave again. I don't want to say this, dear, to hurt you, but you never know what could happen to him when he leaves the palace's gates after today."
She speaks the truth. I have always known this truth. And that is why I know I must go see him.
"Come with me," I say to her. "I may need you to carry me back to seraglio." A smile spreads across her girlish face, pleased to know that I haven't yet lost my sense of humor.
We walk swiftly though the courtyards and across the verandas of the palace, making our way towards the main courtyard as quickly as possible. To the north of the monstrous courtyard lies His Highness's throne room, and in front of it are stationed nearly a dozen imperial soldiers. Even as honored guests of the palace, the two of us would never be allowed anywhere near the main entrance of the throne room, much less inside of it. So we linger in the shadows of one of the many surrounding buildings, watching and waiting for whatever may happen. And to my surprise, we don't have to wait very long. Only a few minutes after we've arrived, I see two men exit the throne room, both of them practically running down the several dozen stairs that lead from the emperor's throne room to the huge courtyard below. And as they enter the sunlight of the courtyard, I instantly recognize the brilliant orange of Tasuki's hair, shining like gold and fire. My heart leaps inside of me, almost painfully. My blood flows hot. My feet immediately move forward, without waiting for my command or even my consent.
"Tasuki!" I whisper, my hands fluttering forward as if he were right in front of me. I see him stop mid-stride, his body suddenly rigid, his face hidden from my view. His companion, a young man with strangely beautiful hair the color of sapphires stops as well when he realizes Tasuki is no longer at his side. From where I stand in the shadows, I can see him narrow his eyes at his Tasuki, curious as to what's wrong with him. And then my husband turns in my direction, his eyes searching for me as if he knows I am here. When they catch sight of me, they become alive. He opens his mouth as if to call out to me, but I don't give him time to speak. In only a few seconds, I have darted from the shadows like a cat, my skirts lifted to my knees, my legs pumping wildly, and I am running to him. I have forgotten about Koi, and I am blind to the presence of my husband's comrade. I see only Tasuki, and all thoughts of war, the seraglio, or myself have disappeared from my mind. My only thought is that I must reach him before he leaves me again, before I see him turn his back and ride away into war yet again.
He stands perfectly still, as if his body were frozen from shock at my sudden appearance. When I am within reach of him, I literally throw myself into his arms, crushing myself to him to fiercely that I knock the breath from my lungs and am left panting in his embrace. I feel his arms engulf me, and a noise which resembles a gasp of relief suddenly bursts from his lips.
"Tansho," he says simply, his tone resembling that of a man who has lost something and now has it in his possession again. My name is breathed into my hair, and it lingers there by my ears, singing softly to me.
We stand perfectly still for the longest time, clinging to each other, grateful to simply be able to hold each other again. I press my cheek into his chest, against his heartbeat, my mouth gaping open to allow precious air into my empty lungs. I never expected that I would miss him so much once I saw him again. Was it a mistake to come here? Will it do me more harm than good now that I've been with him again?
After what seems a glorious eternity, his hands rest themselves on my shoulders and push me gently away from him. A smile of pure happiness is spread on his face, but in his eyes I can see the shadows of sadness. I frown and blink, questioning him with my expression. He closes his eyes and lets out an exhausted sigh, an obvious sign that his days so far have not been idle. I feel so much sorrow clinging to him, and so much doubt. This is how he was when he returned from his journey to Hokkan and Sairo. But what is wrong? What has happened?
"Why are you here?" I ask bluntly, though not demandingly. He inhales deeply, but I can see that my forward question hasn't flustered him.
"Things are not going well on the battlefield," he replies calmly, his voice nearly emotionless. His fingers curl harder around my shoulders. "The major cities that sit on Konan's eastern borders are under hard attack by the Kutou forces. One has been conquered, and another is still being bombarded as we speak. We were sent as messengers to relay the news to His Highness." He motions to his companion when he finishes. I can already sense that there is something else. He's trying to delay telling me something, possibly planning on not telling me at all.
Suddenly Koi is at my side, her hand on mine, drawn to the conversation of the war. I am glad that she is here, and I turn to her with apology in my eyes for suddenly abandoning her in she shadows of the courtyard. She only smiles and shakes her head. I then urge my husband on with my eyes, demanding that he tell me what has happened that has caused a fog of uncertainty to settle over his face.
"There is something else, Tasuki," I reply smoothly, "Tell me what else has happened." He hangs his head momentarily, then lifts it again, staring off into the thick Autumn sky above us. He seems to be looking for something, and yet he doesn't seem to know where to look. His eyes return to me, full of doubt and a small hint of fear.
"Miaka and Tamahome have vanished," he says.
"Vanished?" I immediately retort, narrowing my eyes. "You mean to tell me that the enemy..."
"No," he replies quickly, cutting me off, "The enemy doesn't have them. They were..." Once again his eyes roam sky-ward before he continues. "They were here one minute and gone the next," he says, "A bright light swallowed both of them, totally surrounded them. And when it was gone - they were gone too." He steps closer to me, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "I think that Seiryu took them back to Miaka's world. I think that the Priestess of Seiryu did it just to try to get rid of Miaka and Tamahome."
Nothing that he has said makes any sense, and yet I feel myself slowly understanding it. A light took the priestess and her warrior-lover from this world to hers? I shake my head in puzzlement. "It doesn't make sense," I whisper, releasing Koi's hand and bringing my hands to my face to cradle my cheeks in my palms. "It doesn't make sense." I feel his arms around me again, comforting me. This has no doubt taken a tole on him as well. Even though he has lost his celestial powers, he is still a warrior of the priestess. Not knowing where she is or what happened to her is most likely slowing driving him mad. I hold him to me firmly, encouraging him with the beat of my heart and the swell of my lungs. At least he is still here.
"Tansho," he says, his voice suddenly seeming to come alive. Intrigued, I glance up into his eyes. His smile has returned, his genuine playful smile that belongs with him always. "I want you to meet someone. This is Koji," he says, stepping back from me and laying a hand firmly on the shoulder of his comrade. More than willing and eager to steer our thoughts and conversation away from war, I smile broadly at my husband's companion and bow slightly.
"Koji, this is Tansho," Tasuki continues, "my wife."
At this, the young man chuckles. "No matter how many times you tell me, Genro, I don't think I'll ever get used to ya' saying it." A lop-sided grin that greatly resembles my husband's appears on Koji's face, suddenly bringing to my attention his scarred cheek. It is a fierce scar that was no doubt painful to receive, and yet it gives the young man a relaxed, serene demeanor. I can't help but instantly compare him to water, just I would compare Tasuki to fire.
"Hello, Koji," I reply happily.
"Hey, Tansho," he answers just as enthusiastically, "Genro's talked non-stop about ya' since we joined up on the battlefield. It's an honor to finally meet ya'." The thick accent of his masculine voice is obviously the same as Tasuki's. Suddenly my mind makes a connection when I realize this. Is he? Could he be one of them?
"You're from Reikaku." It is more of a surprised statement than a question. He responds with an enthusiastic "yeah". I am suddenly grinning like a mad woman, my hands curled tightly to my breasts in glee. Why in hell I am so ecstatic is beyond me. Perhaps it is because I have longed to be close to the mountain under which I was born, or just to be close to the place that will be my home very soon, gods willing that this war ends without taking my husband with it to the grave.
"Koji's been holding down the fort since I left to come to the capital with Miaka and the others," Tasuki says, patting his friend firmly on the shoulder blade. "It'll be good to go back after all these months. I've missed the hell out of that place."
"It'll be good to have ya' back, Genro," Koji replies. He then throws a grin at me before adding, "And it'll be a nice to have a lady around, too, Tansho. That place could use a little bit of feminine care, if ya' know what I mean." I chuckle giddily, genuinely amused for the first time in quite awhile. I have taken an immediate liking to this charismatic, serene young man. He seems to be the opposite of his best friend, and that seems to keep the two of them in balance with each other and the world around them.
I see Koji's strange eyes glance beside me, and for a moment I think that I see something hiding there akin to fascination, like the feeling one would have toward an elusive bird or a rare flower. A moment later, I realize that he is gazing at Koi, who is still holding my hand gently in hers, silently waiting for me to remember her presence. I gasp in apology and lift my dear friend's hand to kiss her palm lovingly.
"Oh, forgive me!" I cry, partially in seriousness and partially in jest, "I have forgotten all about my dear Koi!" I smile broadly and introduce Tasuki's friend to mine, and watch in interest as they bow slowly to each other, both obviously taking into regard the features of the other. Intrigued, I raise an eyebrow and glance at my husband from the corner of my eye. He responds with a wicked grin, his fangs poking out from beneath his lips.
Koi and Koji exchange a few words, most of which make their mutual interest in each other obvious. And as they chat shyly, I take the opportunity to talk privately with Tasuki.
"Are you well?" I ask softly. He nods and smiles down at me, but doesn't reply. His heart and his mind are still far away, I realize. He did not plan on seeing me, so he has not had time to prepare himself. I can feel his fear to discuss war with me, his uncertainty as to how I will react.
"And the others, besides the priestess and Tamahome?"
"Mostly well. Mitsukake was injured a few days before Koji and I left to report to His Highness, but Chichiri is caring for him and says he's doing fine," he answers hesitantly. Suddenly, his eyelids droop and his mouth straightens itself into a tight, thin line. "I've been debating whether or not to tell you this, but I can't really find a reason why you shouldn't know. You would find it out sooner or later."
Surprised, I narrow my eyes at him, also somewhat irked that he would even think to keep something from me, much less confess to it. "What is it?" I ask.
"His Highness Hotohori is going to be leaving with us when we return to the eastern front," he states without hesitation. "He wishes to command his forces on his own, not from the safety of the palace."
"What?!" I whisper, my voice a choked rasp. "But he can't leave-"
"He knows what he must do, Tansho," Tasuki quickly retorts, keeping me from protesting something I have no right to protest against. "And he must do it."
Understanding, I nod blankly and press my fingers to my lips. Hoki. Poor Lady Hoki. As if reading my mind, Tasuki takes my hands in his and continues. "Don't speak of this to anyone, Tansho. His Highness will announce his intentions very soon. It is best that Hoki, his advisors, and everyone else find out from him and not one of us." I nod quickly in agreement, though I am still somewhat in shock.
What is the man thinking? I understand his desire to fight for his people and his empire, but certainly he must know that his place is not on he battlefield. The danger. The ferocity. The unpredictability. If he does not survive, what will become of Konan?
"Tan," Tasuki whispers, still holding my hands. I adore the sound of his pet name. So simple and true. So plainly beautiful. "I gotta go."
"I know," I reply calmly.
"This is the reason I was hoping to come and go without you finding out I was here. I didn't want to have to tell you goodbye again. I didn't want you to have to watch me leave again. I'm sorry."
"There's no reason to be sorry," I reply firmly, narrowing my eyes and shaking my head, "I must simply be the one to leave this time."
I trail my fingers up to his face and bring him down to my level, where I place a tender, soft kiss upon his lips and forehead. "Goodbye," I say, my voice pure, simple, and placid. "I will see you again soon, my love."
"Goodbye," he answers, his voice betraying him. The sorrow is deep in his chest, and he keeps it there. I can feel it, and although I want him to let it go free, to share it with me, I understand his reasons for wanting to keep it hidden.
Koi states her solemn farewell to Koji and Tasuki, and Koji does the same to Koi and I. And with a final gaze into the eyes of my husband and a soft smile to his closest comrade, I disappear once again into the shadows of the great courtyard, Koi at my side, her small, comforting hand entwined with mine.
A/N: Hello there, all! I hope all of you had a great Christmas. My mom was in the hospital so mine was a little down, but it got up real quick once she got home ^_^ Anyways, I thought I'd answer some reviews since it's been awhile since I talked to ya'll one-on-one.
Jen wit 1 n: Thank you for the sweet compliment about my chapter content. What fun is an exciting chap. Followed by a bland one, huh? ^_^
Mystic-Kitty06: Thanks so much for the compliment on my scenery and dialogue. And I promise that I won't wait a freakin' decade until my next update, OK? Hopefully I'll never ever do that to my beloved readers again.
Lee Larrabee: A lot of other reviewers mentioned what you talked about in your review, so I'm answering yours and theirs all in one big AN at the end, OK?
Railyn: I promise that the end will be what it should be. ^_^ (I'm a teaser ain't I?) Also, the same goes for you as Lee Larrabee. I'm addressing the last part of your review along with hers.
Lady Viola: Yes - poor little Naho. All will end well there, though. And thank you so much for the compliment.
Otaku-no-miko: Wow!! Half a year? ^_^ * blushes * Thanks for the great compliments on the characters - especially Tansho. And I'm so happy to hear that my writing has helped you with yours. And as with the others - I'm addressing your last comment at the ending AN, OK?
Ending AN: Ok, here we go! ^_^ I noticed that a lot of you mentioned something mutual in your last reviews - Tansho's unusual behavior following Tasuki's departure. You all mentioned that she seemed childish or selfish for acting the way she did (i.e holing up in her room, refusing to get out of bed, being ornery, and basically thinking all about herself). Yes, I admit that she was definitely being selfish - but you must understand that it was a direct result of grief. Tansho has been through a lot with Tasuki, and she was just recently reunited with him only a few days earlier, but now he's had to leave her yet again. In that chapter I wanted to portray Tansho as a wife worrying for the safety of her husband, and although she is definitely being self-absorbed, I think she has a damn good reason to be. Yes, I created Tansho to be an emotionally strong woman, but she's not made of steel or anything. She does feel deep pain, and in that particular chapter, she dealt with that pain in her own way (even though it was extremely childish). I continued to idea of unnaturally painful grief by making Asako's firm motherliness the only thing able to snap Tansho out of it.
I hope this cleared some things up for those of you wondering about it. And please don't dislike Tansho! ^_^ She couldn't help it - I did it to her! ^_^
Bye now. I'll see you guys later! Aama