Author's Note: I originally had a dream sequence at the beginning of this, but it wasn't that interesting and rather redundant. I've had fun with redunancies throughout this story, but all to make a point. (IE, the repetition of the fact that Raph is self-centered. This comes into play in Chapter Six.) Nonetheless, this dream I thought was TOO much, so it's gone. However, I will put it in an extra chapter at the end of this fic, full of other "edited excerpts" of scenes I edited and/or deleted. Kinda like the Special Features on a DVD. That is, if y'all want it.

Also, I encourage you to ask questions! I just LOVE a curious mind. In fact, I think it's about time I answer a few I've been avoiding...

FAQ

What made Don so depressed it drove him to OD?
This subject will be tackled in-depth in Chapter Six (yeah, a lot of stuff happens in that chapter). I've hinted at it slightly throughout the fic, and don't get me wrong, his stupid brain is part of it. Chemicals CAN make a person utterly depressed for seemingly no reason at all. This was Don's original problem. However, there was also REASON for him to be a little down-- and these two factos combined led him to such things. By the by, there's more behind the suicide attempt than Raph knows, therefor I can't explain EXACTLY what happened before Chapter Six. It didn't necessarily happen as it appeared to.

Why was Raph depressed orignially?
The answer to this question can be found in "Judgement Day." At least, the answer Raphael would give you. The answer Leo or Don might give is hinted at in Chapter Three, and explored in depth in Chapter Six. Basically, for those of you who don't wanna go read Judgement Day, Raph felt a lot of pent-up rage/sorrow over little things. As well, he couldn't relate to any of his brothers, least of all Leo, who pushes him too far and he decides he can't take the pressure anymore. He thinks he hates his family, but admits that if anything were to happen to them, he'd go completely insane. By the way, this theory of Raph's utter insanity at the destruction of his family has led me to have another plot bunny. If you want a see a story exploring this, all you need do is ask. However, it is the realization that he loves Donatello-- and later, the rest of his brothers-- that saves him from himself, and in turn lends him the power to save Don. However, he refuses to admit his new found feelings, and Raph's wonderful ability at bottling his emotions, even unexpressed love can leave him confused and shaken.

So that's why Raph was depressed. What made him attempt suicide the second time?
You must remember that Raphael was brought back down to earth BY Donatello. Not by Leo, Mikey, Splinter or anyone else. He feels eternally indepted to his younger brother, both respecting and marveling at him at the same time. The way Don's been written has been skewed to fit the way Raph sees him: almost as some mysterious being that could solve any problem. When Raphael discovers Donatello's imperfections, and the fact that Don was ready to throw his life away without any regard of what RAPHAEL thought of this (remember, he's self-centered), he was in shock. Already blaming himself, convinced Don wouldn't have done this had he intervened, Splinter places more blame on his shoulders. Also, he knew Don would disapprove of the fact that he was cutting again and was ashamed of it. Without Don, his stability has dissolved. All his previous qualms with his life has returned full force. Desperate to join his brother at any costs, and to stop the madness that is engulfing him, he flees into thoughts of suicide. Don isn't there to save him this time, but Leo is, and he realizes that the bond he had with Don wasn't unique or isolated. Don isn't the only brother who refuses to see Raph fall. Leo and Mikey, too, are there to catch him. Thus, his stability returned, he has nothing more to stress over. All his problems had revolved around him and how he hated his family and his life. Realizing that his family loved him and that he in turn loved them, and that his life was slowly starting to work himself out, he's baffled to find a new source of calm within himself. He doesn't even know why he thought his life was so bad in the first place. Which, in this story, is typical of Raphael (this will be explored more, again, in Chapter Six-- hope I haven't given too much away.)

Which version of TMNT are you basing these characters on?
I understand that the answer to this is not obvious, seeing as the characters seem like one version one moment and another the next. April's a reporter, and yet references to new series episodes are made and Casey is present. I guess I'm melding all four worlds-- the movies, comics, and the old and new TV series. Seeing as I've loved the TNMT since the womb, I've been influenced by all these versions.

OK! I hope that made sense :-S. NOW on with the chapter! (Sorry for the heaping A/N!)

Chapter Five: Sunrise

I don't remember falling asleep. But I do remember being awoken.

"Raphael," said Splinter, his voice soft and kind. "You must have some breakfast with your brothers and Miss O'Neil."

Groggily, I waved a weary hand at him and told him to leave me be. I was vaguely aware that I was slumped over something. It was comfortable and warm, I didn't want to move. Beneath me I felt the steady rise and fall of a pulsing entity. It was soothing, and I felt peaceful.

"Raphael," Splinter said, refusing to leave me alone. He shook me and I opened my eyes.

"What???" I snapped, furious that he had awoken me. But he smiled and nodded at my make-shift bed. I sat up and realized I was sitting on the edge of Don's bed, my legs slung over the side. I had laid myself across his sleeping form, and I now remembered his rhythmic breathing that had lulled me to sleep. It brought a strange smile to my lips.

I looked up to Splinter. "I gotchya," I said. "I'll come and eat something with you guys. I wanna see how April is faring on that couch anyway."

When Splinter and I emerged from Don's room, the smell of pancakes filled the air.

Leo must be cooking, I thought.

And sure enough, as we entered the living room, I found out that April's like a gold fish. When in a small space, she remains small. But if given space to grow, she's really all over the place. I found her as sprawled out on the couch as Mikey had been, maybe even taking up more space if that were possible. It made me laugh, and I disturbed her.

She yawned. "What time is it?" she asked.

"7:30," Splinter replied politely. "Would you like some breakfast, Miss O'Neil?"

April grinned as the scent of fresh hot pancakes entered her nostrils. She accepted. "I would like nothing more."

In the kitchen, I found Leo preparing some hot pancakes, drizzling maple syrup over the top. Upon hearing us enter, he looked up and smiled warmly at us. His eyes were jaded, and accompanied by bags underneath them, as if to underscore the hard day we had experienced yesterday. However, despite my predictions, Splinter seemed as alert as ever as he pointed out to Leo that his pancakes were burning.

Frantically, Leo tried to save the pancake, but one side was scorched black. Shrugging, he turned to us.

"I'll take the burned one if no one wants it," he said, always the self-sacrificing turtle.

"Ask not what your family can do for you..." I said with a smile. Leo rolled his eyes and turned the pan over and let the dead pancake flop onto his own plate.

He served April first, being the guest, and then Splinter. When handing me my plate, our eyes met. Something new was in them... He smiled at me.

"Thanks," I said as I took the plate, uncertain and awkward. His smile widened.

"Thank you," he whispered.

I was confused at his gratitude and wondered what it was for. Looking around at the table, I noticed Splinter and April hadn't heard it, all too involved in eating their breakfast.

I decided to shake the thought from my mind. "Where's Mikey?" I asked.

Leo looked over his shoulder as he prepared Mikey's portion.

"Still sleeping, no doubt," he said. "You know him, he's never up before noon."

"If we don't have training in the morning..." I said, looking at him questioningly.

"And we don't," Leo said, not turning to me. "Therefor, we'll let sleeping turtles lie."

Leo put saran wrap over Mikey's portion and put it in the fridge. He joined us at the table with a strong smile.

I looked at him curiously. "Why?" I asked. Leo's smile dissolved.

"We're an odd number," he explained as he took his seat. "And none of us would be able to concentrate on the task at hand, or be able to get much done, nor would it be good for our skills to stress them to the breaking point and have someone injure a limb. Besides, three is an unlucky number."

"But you can't do that!" I exclaimed in protest. "We do training everyday. It's like routine and you're breaking it just because…"

I stopped suddenly. I knew this wasn't a 'just because' situation. I took a huge bite out of my pancakes, pretending not to notice all the eyes on me.

I felt a dull ache in my arms and looked at them and the red armbands covering them curiously. As we ate in silence, I wondered at the throbbing pain coursing through my arms, like a dull periodic electric current.

I looked up and noticed Leo was looking at me gravely, his eyes as hard and cold as they were yesterday when he rescued me from my self-induced bout of insanity.

"Raph…" he said, his voice a low grumble, like a dog about to bark. He thought I was thinking of cutting again.

"Leo, it's not what you think," I said, hoping to put his fears to rest. Leo would have none of it.

"No, Raph!" he said harshly, piercing me with his stern gaze.

"Leonardo!" I hissed back through gritted teeth. He looked ready to yell at me. If he said anything, if he denounced me right there, I knew I would never be able to look Splinter in the eye again. And all because I was wondering why my arms suddenly started hurting again.

I looked around and noted the curious looks of surprise on April and Splinter's faces, no doubt wondering at how a previously relatively pleasant breakfast could have transformed into a tense battle of unknown secrets.

Leo's passions subsided after my warning, and he mumbled a quick apology as he returned to his breakfast. But that look in his eye told me that his mind was not at ease, and that I should expect a confrontation with him later.

I rolled my eyes and rose from the table, grabbing my plate and rinsing it off in the sink.

Really not wanting to go through a pointless conversation about it later, I turned to my brother and said, "Really, Leo, it's nothing."

I stared at him long and hard, my gaze piercing and earnest. Finally, Leo calmed down and nodded at me, trusting me.

To dispel any questions April and Splinter might ask, I said quickly, "I'm gonna go check on Mikey."

I opened his door slowly, expecting to be greeted by his booming snores. But silence was my welcome wagon. Frowning, I turned on the light and found his bed empty.

Slightly worried, I returned to the kitchen, pretending things were normal.

"Er, I'm going out for some fresh air," I told them, gesturing my thumb at the ceiling. Leo watched me warily a moment, and I looked at him, irritated at his over protectiveness. "It's just air, Leo," I said, pointedly. Reluctantly, he seemed to let it slide.

"How's Mikey?" he asked.

"Uh, sleeping, like you said," I replied.

"You know, I think I'll go up with you," said April, rising and taking her dishes to the sink. "I should probably be getting home anyway."

"You are welcome to stay with us as long as you like, Miss O'Neil," Splinter offered, kindly.

"Thank you," she said with a warm smile. "But I told Casey I was going for a walk. He's probably destroyed half the neighborhood by now looking for me. I should really get back," she added with a laugh.

But I didn't want April following me up.

"I'll tell Casey," I said so suddenly and forcefully that I earned a suspicious look from Leo. Glancing at him briefly and turning to April once more, I said, "You should stay here. I mean, you've been a real help, April, really. I know Mikey loves having you around, and your bright face and support really is, uh, good for all of us. Besides, I know Don will really want to see you when he wakes up."

No matter how peculiar my comments may have sounded to them, I knew they wouldn't question further if I mentioned Don.

"Alright," said April quietly after a moment of hesitation. "I'll stay just a little longer."

I left before they could ask anymore questions.

Once topside, I took to roof hopping, watching the streets below as I jumped from one building to the next. Remembering Mikey's words to me the night before, I wasn't too concerned that anything bad had happened to him. Still, finding his bed empty was like finding him dead. And somehow, I had an eerie feeling about all this and I just felt sick about the whole thing. I searched for the odd-shaped vagabond in tattered clothes, or the wandering pedestrian with green-tinged skin that kept to the shadows.

I was so absorbed in searching the streets below, that I hadn't watched where I was jumping. As I landed on the roof of an office building, my left foot struck something hard and I tumbled over it. I had to break my fall onto the rough concrete with my hands and forearms, which shot a spasm of raw pain up my limbs. I bit my tongue, refusing to let the pain get to me.

"Hey, watch where you're going!"

I lied on the roof awhile, catching my breath, silently fuming. I turned to look angrily at the obstacle that had caused my fall. An unusually large, mutant-looking reptile with an orange bandana tied around his head was crouched on the edge of the building, staring out at the newly risen sun to the east.

Slowly, I dusted myself off and approached him, my arms radiating pain.

"Well, good morning, Michelangelo," I said, gritting my teeth and bearing the pain.

"Sorry," said Mikey. "I woke up early and had to watch the sunrise."

"You scared me," I told him. He laughed, still staring off at the horizon.

"No I didn't," he said. "You just wanted an excuse to get out."

I dropped it there and looked down at the street below. Of all my brothers, Mikey was the hardest to decipher. Beyond his carefree nature was a whirlpool of emotions and issues he refused to share. But unlike Don and I, he dealt with them instead of letting them fester. Which was, I guess, the real motivation behind his early morning excursions.

I looked at him now, crouching calmly on the roof, smiling serenely at the bustling city below... He was so relaxed. I'd never seen him like this.

"Where'd all your energy go?" I asked my brother. I saw a grin spread across his face as he stared out across the city. I had an ominous premonition of danger before he turned to me without warning and tackled me, grabbing my wrists and slamming them to the ground. I let out a scream, but Mikey was grinning on top of me.

"Gotchya!" he laughed.

"Mike, get off me!" I said, half angry, half begging. His smile disappeared and he let my arms go, straightening up and looking disturbed.

"Raph...?" he said, uncertainly. I was breathing heavily as I sat up. My head began to spin. I rubbed my wrists through the armbands, trying to sooth the pain. I closed my eyes.

"When I fell..." I explained. "I hurt my arms."

"Sorry..." Mikey said, sounding a little hurt. "I didn't realize..."

"Yeah," I said hastily. "You wouldn't have."

He reached out a hand to help me up, and I was reminded of Leo offering his hand to me yesterday in the sewers. Cautiously, I took it. But unlike Leonardo, Michelangelo's touch was gentle and his other hand reached down to ease me onto my feet.

I smiled at him, grateful for his tender care. "How can you be so..." I trailed off, because at the knowing grin on Mikey's face, I knew I didn't need to finish.

"You know, Raph," he said. "You're kinda crazy."

I laughed. "Oh really, you think I'm crazy. This coming from the guy who dressed up in a cape and thought he was a super hero."

Mikey closed his eyes and shook his head, jubilant smile still in place. "You're crazy," he repeated. "But I wouldn't have ya any other way."

I threw my arm around my brother's shoulders.

"Yo, you wanna come with me to Casey's? I promised April I'd tell him where she was."

"Already been there, bro," Mikey grinned at me. "I woke him up. He almost swung a baseball bat at my head. I told him about Don, though. He looked really pale. Said he'd drop by later."

I nodded, wondering at Casey's reaction and hoping April's apartment would be intact by the time she returned.

In companionable silence, I walked my baby brother back to the lair.

When we entered, I froze.

The atmosphere was dark and foreboding, like the calm before a storm. April and Leo sat in the living room, looking solemn.

Upon hearing the two of us enter, they turned to us, their faces blank.

"What is it?" I asked, nearly out of breath with suspense. "What's wrong?"

"Don's awake," Leo said, simply.