** Please re-read chapter 9. I have re-written portions that might not
make complete sense for this chap. Thank you. :D
Chapter 10: Conceited Conversations
"Everywhere someone's getting over
Every body cries and sometimes You can still lose even if you really try.
Talking about the dream, like the dream is over. Talk like that won't get you no where. Everybody's trusting in the heart, like the heart don't lie." - All I Need (Matchbox 20 - More Than You Think You Are)
He watched as the group disappeared into the back office. He was about to follow, not wanting to give up, when a small wave of dizziness stilled him. When it passed, he knew it was too late. They were discussing something new and he was forced to wait. Besides, he had a feeling he wouldn't have gotten very far anyway. Instead he thought back to the remarkable revelation he had, whispering it aloud he felt a warmth wash over him, "He's come for me." This friend who had become his guardian was more to him than that. In his heart, the Togorian Pirate was his father, someone who was willing to risk everything for him. The mere fact that there was no guarantee that Obi-Wan was still alive, yet the Captain sought him still, spoke volumes. But the obstinate Knight, Qui-Gon Jinn, wanted to keep him. He wanted to hold onto the youth despite everyone's protests. And Obi's heart clenched from implausible delusion when he recalled how Bant had agreed with Qui-Gon. A wavering voice demanded through gritted teeth. "Why? How could you do this to me?"
Bant could not look at him, her eyes teaming with tears ready to fall. She did not mean for her outburst to be a betrayal. Unfortunately, that's how it was taken. "I couldn't bare to loose you again," she confessed so softly he had to strain to hear her.
Seeing the gentle Calamarian crumble beside him, his anger quickly drained away, leaving the horrible guilt that followed. For a second time he admonished his behaviour, causing his sweet loving friend unwarranted pain. He needed to rectify his cruelty, he thought that maybe if she could see his point of view it would help. "Don't you see? When I was cast aside, I was nothing. No one wanted me. No one cared. But then Tuuvu saved me, freed me and took me under his wing. They gave me back my life when I would have done anything to end it. I love them. They are my family." Carefully, he turned to his old friend hoping she would understand, "Bant, he's come to take me home."
The Temple is our Home! The Calamarian wanted to scream. This was too much. Too much for her heart to take. She had found the one person that meant more to her than anything, had watched him suffer from a blaster wound, watched as he was brutally attacked by crew members and was now about to be taken from her again. She wanted to cry out at the injustice of her life, but that was not something a Jedi would do. Instead, she regained her composure and said, "Happy for you I am."
Upon hearing her twisted words, he thoughtfully regarded his old friend. Slowly, he pushed himself closer to her so that he could look at her directly. He could see the tears trailing down her salmon skin and the sadness that gripped her heart. "Please. Please don't be sad. This isn't the end," he tried to soothe.
"How can it not be so?" Her voice hitched. "You're leaving again." A small hand squeezed hers, and Bant looked down to find Tola looking up at her. The soft lilac eyes were full of compassion for the Padawan. Bant tried to smile her thanks, but wasn't very successful.
Obi-Wan watched the young initiate, it was obvious she cared for the older Jedi deeply. He wished he could do more to comfort Bant. Slowly, he remembered what she had said when they first found out who he was. "At least you know I'm alive and well." It wasn't much, but it was something.
Bant looked back up at Obi. He had changed so much in her mind. As she gazed into his eyes, she noted the hidden pain buried deep within the sea change portals. She wanted to understand, to know what had happened to him and so much more. She wanted more than anything to keep him with her so that she could care for all of his wounds. And she realized she had lied. "I know what I said, but I was wrong. It's not enough."
"You have to accept this. I cannot stay here." His gaze dropped toward the floor.
Quickly, the Apprentice countered, "Yes, you can. It's simple, just say that you want to stay with us."
He snorted. "Why? To be beaten and ridiculed for who I am?" It was meant to be sarcastic, but there was an edge to the comment that turned it into an accusation.
The Calamarian's brow furrowed, but she added with conviction, "We would not allow that to happen again."
"I know you wouldn't." Obi-Wan softened his tone. He believed that she would let nothing else happen to him. And somewhere deep inside he knew she wasn't the only one. "I even know that Master Jinn wouldn't, but."
"Qui-Gon." She interrupted. It was upsetting her that Obi-Wan would refer to the Knight so formally. Over the years, she had come to know Qui-Gon quite well because of their frequent missions. And even though he would never say anything, every time Obi called him 'Master Jinn,' it cut him to the core. She recognized the haunted hurting glare in the blue crystals probably as well as her own Master did. If she could not convince Obi to stay, maybe she could convince him not to inflict the large Jedi with his sharp formality. "You should not be so hard on him. He knows he made a mistake. It's been eating him up the whole time."
Agony hardened the blue-green eyes and he glared at the Padawan. "And my life has been so easy since then. He was my last chance. My last possible hope to become what I dreamed of my entire life. And he rejected me." Old wounds ached within a battered soul.
"He was troubled. It was not your fault, nor was it his."
"Troubled? Does that dismiss all that I have suffered?" His voice quivered from bridled emotions. His knuckles turned white from the tightening grip on the edges of the sleepcouch.
"No, and even though we might not be able to change the past we can learn and grow from it."
"Now you sound like a Master," he laughed. Leaning back, he could no longer take hearing the philosophy that was forced down his throat and choked him when he found it all worthless. "I do not have any Masters now. And I do not want their *wisdom*."
Bant stood when he turned away. Tola clung to her side. "You might not want it, but you don't always get what you want. Can't you see how badly he needs you?"
Her change of tactics seemed to have worked, as the rogue spun back to glare at her. "Why are you defending him? Why are you pushing him onto me?"
Blurting out the answer, she finally realized what she had always known. "Because you need each other."
Silence descended upon the room. For long moments they simply held each other's eyes. At last, Obi backed down, "I don't need him. I need my family."
"What am I?" It hurt her to know that he seemed to have forgotten the family that raised him before he was sent away.
"A friend," he said adding softly, "although now I'm not so sure."
Bant bit back the tears again. "At one point in time, I was family as well."
"That time passed long ago." Just then the door opened and the four elders walked out.
The leader of the crew continued his thought as he re-entered, disrupting the conversation taking place. "Wuan, I want you to show me everything you have so far. We need to think this through carefully."
Jeswick nodded and waited for his friend. "No problem, Captain."
Fen paused, stopping the tall Knight. With a hard glare he looked at the Jedi, "Master Jinn, I want you to get my men back. It's time for you to prove your worth." He then turned and walked out of the Infirmary with the Duros right behind.
Adi walked past and stopped at the doorway, "Qui-Gon, I will head back to the rooms. I'm sure Siri and Tahl have been wondering what is keeping us."
"Yes, Master," dutifully responding to the Councilor. Stealing one more glance at the rogue on the medcouch, she also left. The tall man came to the end of the bunk. "How do you feel?" He softened his tone as he addressed the young man.
"Physically? Better." But this was not what he was hoping to discuss when they re-emerged. Instead, he drove back to the unfinished argument. "So are you going to give me up or not?"
"We still have time to determine that." Qui-Gon knew it wasn't the answer the boy wanted to hear, but it was all he was going to give him. "And you will have to be patient. Right now, we are not planning on letting you go so easily."
The stinging edge returned to the corsair's voice. "I don't care what you are planning, Master Jinn. I'm going home."
Replying in his own cold tone, he stated, "That remains to be seen." Their wills battled quietly for a moment.
Finally, Obi-Wan burst from frustration, "What is wrong with you people? Why do you want me back so badly now? The Jedi left me for dead. And so that is what I have become. It's no longer my place."
Qui-Gon answered calmly, "It is complicated. However, you do belong with the Jedi. And I intend to make sure that happens."
Crossing his arms, the lost youth challenged with steely determination, "That will be difficult. I do not intend to stay here. You no longer have the ability to order me around."
"I am still your guardian here." The Knight reaffirmed, "Or have you forgotten you are our prisoner?" Forced back into the reality of his situation, Obi-Wan huffed as he leaned back into the bed. Qui-Gon glanced over at the younger Jedi standing silently in the room. He was trying to figure out how to get a win-win situation from the upcoming negotiations. But no plan came to mind. The only thing he could think of was to stall for as much time as he could. "Come Tola, let us return to the others. Bant a word please."
Hesitating for a moment, she followed him out. Once beyond the doorway, Qui-Gon turned to address her, "I need to you delay Obi-Wan for a few minutes before allowing him to meet with the Pirates." She gave him a puzzled glance but nodded, there was just no arguing with the man. He had that calculating look in his eyes and despite what had happened, she wanted Obi to stay too.
When she entered the infirmary again, she found Obi-Wan standing in front of a mirror. She wanted to say something, anything to release the awkward tension that filled the room, but when she spoke she could not find the words. "Obi, I.."
Resolutely, he cut her off. "I have to get ready. I'll be going home soon."
"I'll do my best to help you." Cautiously, she walked over to the distraught figure and slowly guided him back to the medcouch. Situating herself across from him, together they entered into a healing trance.
***
Nev woke up with a pounding headache. Slowly he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. It only took a moment for him to gather that he was not on the /Zenah/. Gingerly, he reached up to rub his head, hoping that some memory would surface telling him where he was. No such luck, the only thing he found was that his wrists and ankles were bound. A soft moan coming from someone next to him told him he was not alone. Carefully, he turned around to find his fellow crewmates, Pev-da, Riello Quarg, and Andon Hobbsbreath. He could also see that they were similarly bound. Watching them, he realized that it was Andon who was stirring.
Gradually, the younger man sat up and took in his environment. When he spotted the engineer, he asked, "What happened?"
Nev frowned, "I don't know. I was hoping you might be able to shed some light on the subject."
Shaking his head, Andon looked down at his bound limbs. "All I remember was working on the ship when everything suddenly went black."
Nodding, he agreed, "Same as me." The wa a moment of silence that filled the room. Nev was trying to figure out their situation. Maybe they had pissed off some natives when they crashed? And as a further longshot, possibly the person or group that sabotaged their ship had captured them. Then his mind wandered back to the wires he found. He was almost positive that it was some form of sabotage he just didn't know how it worked exactly. Suddenly, he wished he knew if Wuan found anything yet.
Sighing, Andon's voice cut through his thoughts. His actions mistaken for disappointment, he could hear the regret in Andon's voice, "I wonder if Pev- da or Rie might know?"
But the head engineer knew better, "I doubt it, kid. But I'm sure we'll find out soon enough."
There was something in the way Nev said it that sparked fear in the younger man. Swallowing hard, he whispered, "I just hope we get out of this in one piece."
"Me too," he said while trying to smile, he didn't think it came off to well, because he saw the young man frown. Deciding that it would be best to keep their minds off of the various possibilities he added, "How 'bout we check on these two then try and figure a way out of here?"
Andon leaned over to Pev-da and nudged him. A grunt escaped the unconscious form before rousing. Nev woke Riello with a nudge as well. When the others were awake, they began to discuss how to get free of their binds and then break out. A quarter of an hour later, the group was huddled together and they were about to begin on their binds when they were interrupted by the hissing of a door. In walked three large Togorians. Recognition sparked in the captives, but only Andon voiced their thought aloud, "The Pirates."
However, there was only one among the captives that knew why they had come. Nev looked at them and found what he believed to be the one in charge. Addressing the Captain directly, he asked, "You've come back for your boy, haven't you?" His crewmates looked at him with puzzlement visible in their features. "You plan to trade us for him?"
Tuuvu nodded, "That is our intention. Do not fear, we will not harm you, yet. As long as your Captain and the Jedi co-operate, you will be safe. If not, well, let's just hope they do." He was ready and willing to risk anything to get his cub back, no matter how it might effect them.
Automatically becoming the captives' spokesman, he inquired further, "So what happens now?"
The Captain explained the situation briefly, "We are going to meet with the Jedi. If he gives us back the boy, you will all be free to go. But to make sure we have the upperhand in this deal, we are only taking two of you with us. The others will be released once we have the boy back."
The chief mechanic understood immediately. "In that case take the young man and the Duros. I will remain here with my colleague while you negotiate." His shipmates shot him a questioning glance, but he ignored them.
Tuuvu nodded and Kuuur and Mrrogh hauled up Andon and Riello. Abruptly, they exited, leaving the two behind. Nev looked over at Pev-da. "I'm sorry to have kept you here with me, but I wanted them safe. Andon is young and still has his life ahead of him. And I would rather be here, knowing that I don't have to face Waun's wrath if his nephew was harmed."
Comprehension washed over him. Pev-da was a number of years older than Nev but never had the ambition to aspire to higher ranks. "That's alright. I understand." As the two sat in silence for a moment, another thought came to him. "How did you know about the boy?
Grinning, he supplied, "I spoke with Fen shortly before we were captured. He mentioned that the pirate was still on board. It only seemed logical that that was the reason they returned. Fen told me we would talk about it later."
"Sure does make sense. I just hope that we will be rejoining them soon enough. Maybe then we'll get the whole story." The two leaned back against the wall of their cell and prayed everything went smoothly.
***
"I will not let him slip through my fingers again." The Knight paced their cabin.
"Qui, I know how much he means to you. I've felt it for years now," Tahl attempted to sooth her distraught friend. She then tried to appeal to his sense of honour, "But you must think rationally. We can always make another attempt at bringing Obi-Wan home. If these crewmen die because of your stubbornness, well, I do not know if you would be able to handle it."
Her tactic seemed to have worked, marginally. "I know my duty as a Jedi. But I also know with that comes my duty to the Force as well. And I know that it is telling me I cannot let him go."
What she really wanted to ask him was, 'Is it really the Force or your own need that tells you to keep him?' But she knew that would only cause a rift to form between them. Instead, she decided to make a point of how futile this endeavor was, "And how do you plan on keeping him?"
Sighing, the tall figure stopped. "I am not entirely sure, but I have faith in the Force. It will provide a way." His brilliant azure eyes blazed with determination.
The woman he loved watched on sympathetically. Something in her cat-like eyes told him, she was about to say something that was both pertinent yet disheartening at the same time. "And how does Obi-Wan feel about all this?"
Loosing some of his steam, he crashed down onto the bed. His head fell into his hands in a vain attempt to hide his disappointment. "He wishes to return to the Pirates."
"Can you blame him?" A little surprised at her comment, he wasn't entirely sure how to answer. "Think about it Qui-Gon. Take a moment and forget what you *believe* should happen. Try to see things through his eyes. He was rejected by those he trusted. Sent to the Agri-Corps and then captured. Obviously abused and then finally someone took him in and nurtured him. But it wasn't us." She tried to be as gentle as she could while she spoke, and moved to stand next to him.
He knew what she said was true, but it was not exactly what he wanted to deal with at the moment. His mind clung to one truth, "It should have been us."
Calmly, she reiterated, "But it wasn't." Sitting down on the bed, she wrapped her arms around him. "You have to understand, he may still be Obi- Wan, but he is not the initiate who fought for you all those years ago. He's a young man now. Independent and troubled."
Raising an eyebrow, he glanced down at his friend. "Troubled?"
"His soul is still hurting. A wound has been re-opened suddenly and without warning. It takes time to ease the pain before he can even begin trying to heal it." Tahl's head eased itself onto the large shoulder. She continued but she spoke distantly, "He's been through so much, you can't expect him to ignore everything that has happened to him and pick up where he left off five years ago. Perhaps, you should begin trying to repair the damage in his spirit before demanding that he stay with us."
When she stopped talking, he sat for a moment in awe. She had always been able to view things from a perspective that constantly eluded him. Thoughtfully, he turned to look at her directly and swung his arm around to embrace her. "Do you know that I would be lost without you?" A remorseful grin curved his lips.
"Pitifully lost," she agreed. Her green-striped eyes sparkled and she smiled knowing it to be absolute truth. After a moment, she realized she had not mentioned something yet, "And thank you for bringing Tola back to me. I was beginning to worry."
He said matter-of-factly, "She was exhausted and her mind had been emotionally overloaded. She needed the rest."
"So do you." She muttered under her breath, already knowing the subject was a lost cause. Her thoughts drifted momentarily back to the young girl. "She should not have followed Bant, it was a trying experience for everyone, especially one so young. I wish I had noticed her absence earlier." Her tone sounded almost defeated.
Stroking her back, he pulled her closer, resting his chin on her head. "It is regrettable that she witnessed the crewmen's attack on Obi-Wan. Even I found it difficult to stomach." The image of a battered and bloodied Obi- Wan resurfacing in his mind. His mind wandered while Tahl continued.
"I agree. But I am grateful that she was able to fetch you before there was no saving Obi-Wan. From what I can see he has been through enough pain that he didn't need anymore." As they held each other, she noticed his posture change. His shoulders slumped and he leaned into her a little more.
"This is all my fault." The words sounded as though his heart was being ripped from his chest.
Stepping back, her hands came up to cup his face. "You cannot blame yourself for this. I know it has been difficult for you over these years, but take heart in the fact that your hopes have been realized. Obi-Wan is alive. But never forget that his life has been difficult for him as well. You need to take time to allow things to happen on their own. There is still a chance to make things right, for both of you."
"Is it possible?" His voice not as confident as it usually was.
"Anything's possible," she assured. "Now I just hope I will be able to help my Padawan as well as I can you." She hugged him again and sighed.
Comforted to a degree, he allowed his curiosity to speak for him, "Why do you say that?"
"Obi-Wan has been a major part of both of your lives. I have never told you how many times I have found her sitting in sad silence. Probably about as often as I find you. I believe the Force wants me here to help you two while you both are meant to help him."
"And how am I supposed to help him when he will be gone before I get the chance?" He asked incredulously.
Looking up at him with compassion in her gaze, her grip tightened for a moment adding to the conviction in her tone. "I agree with one thing you have said, Qui. The Force will provide a way."
"I hope you are right." For the last time before he set out to meet the pirates, she reached out and embraced him. There was little else she could do to calm the growing storm within the man. Silently, she pleaded with the Force to bring Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan together, so that they could heal each other at long last.
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I am incredibly sorry for the delay. I wish I could have posted sooner, however there was an almost disaster. My original disc became corrupted and blanked out on me. I couldn't pull it up at work. When I got home somehow it managed to pull up on my laptop and I was able to save the file. But it was a harrowing experience and then I have to finish up chap 10. Now that it's all done. I would very much appreciate any thoughts you have about the updated Chap 9 and now Chap 10. Once again thank you for reading. :D
Thanks for the lyric suggestions! I was able to find some I thought might work well. ;) BUT I HATE!!!! FORMATTING!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meggie - Changing the name?? Hmmm, it's rather interesting. ;) And no problem. I understand when you don't get a chance to review. Unfortunately I'm a notorious lurker. But I am trying to get better. ;)
Ciria - Three parts for you this time. I hope you like it. ;) Also, I adjusted that chap because of a lot of feedback wondering that exact thing. I was hoping to avoid it, but it was mentioned too often to ignore. I hope you like the changes I made. :) And thank you sooo much. I love your reviews. ;D
Ewok Kid - Thank you very much. I am glad you liked it, however, I am sorry you will have to re-read it again. I am hoping that I will not have to go back again to fix things. I think I like the direction that we're headed now. Most of the same comments are valid. I still kept Qui obstinate, if not more so. And Tuuvu really did show how much Obi meant to him, without so many words. Awww, thank you. I do try. Sometimes, oft times, I don't feel like I achieve that. But I really, really appreciate the comment. :D
lighted eagle - I got the hint. And I hope you enjoy the journey that I have begun. This still promises to be long, as I already have sequels planned and such. Let's hope I can continue with such standards I have set before me. ;)
Christy - Um, heh, yeah, well. It might be a bit before we even come close to finding that out. If you have patience, I think you might like what I have in mind. But you will need patience. Heh. :D
ewanobiwan - switching names too, huh? You guys trying to confuse me or something? :p Anyway, I guess you are a 'for-qui/jedi' person? Aww, thanks. :8} I hope everything worked out for you on your story! I haven't made it to this site much recently. Thanks again for reading. :D
Shan - I agree, too oft, Qui is aloof and denying what is deep within him. I'm hoping witht the fact that too much time has been wasted, he'll forgo the 'denial' phase and head straight to the 'I care for you' phase. ;) Thanks, sweetie you are my guide for this and I cannot express how much you have helped me. :D
Jess S - OH, it will be interesting in coming chaps to see how they might 'work' together. We should see that soon, hopefully. ;)
Death Rider - All, I can say, is keep guessing dear on who planted the device. :p LOL, I'm sorry to hear Qui got the better of you, but Obi has his own things to take care of. You'll see. ;) Good luck. :D
jedilittlebee - Yep, that's what I was thinking. If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. I believe that is what the Force is doing here for Qui and Obi, but we'll have to wait and see. ;) LOL, yes, Qui does seem to get himself into a fix now and then. Let's just hope with friends there to help him, he won't end up having to pay. :)
Meggie - I know, I know. I am soooooo sorry about the delay. Like I said there were a number of things denying me the chance to post. But I am here now and finally able to do so. I hope the span between this and the next chap are not so long. Keep your fingers crossed.
obaona - NP. Thanks for replying. ;)
Ani-Coolgirl - Wow, welcome and thank you so very much!! I am so happy you are enjoying it. :D
Louiewolfie - NP. I understand, some things here get a little lost. I know I have lost a number of fics on occasion and am glad to have found them again. ;) Thanks again for reading. :D
Kenobi's Girl - Thank you!! :D
mwahahaaaaa - um, ok. That was an interesting review. ;) TMI on my part too. But I'm glad to see another 'for-tuuvu/pirates' person here. :D
DeeD - Well, thank you for saying so. I really appreciate it. And thanks for the review on my other fic. It's always odd to see one pop up on my older stuff. But all comments and thoughts are more than welcome anytime. Thank you for letting me know. :D
Peggy Schultz, Ciria and lighted eagle - Thank you so much for your patience. I really appreciate it. I needed the break and it was still all too short. I hope it will be enough. Thanks again. :D
Chapter 10: Conceited Conversations
"Everywhere someone's getting over
Every body cries and sometimes You can still lose even if you really try.
Talking about the dream, like the dream is over. Talk like that won't get you no where. Everybody's trusting in the heart, like the heart don't lie." - All I Need (Matchbox 20 - More Than You Think You Are)
He watched as the group disappeared into the back office. He was about to follow, not wanting to give up, when a small wave of dizziness stilled him. When it passed, he knew it was too late. They were discussing something new and he was forced to wait. Besides, he had a feeling he wouldn't have gotten very far anyway. Instead he thought back to the remarkable revelation he had, whispering it aloud he felt a warmth wash over him, "He's come for me." This friend who had become his guardian was more to him than that. In his heart, the Togorian Pirate was his father, someone who was willing to risk everything for him. The mere fact that there was no guarantee that Obi-Wan was still alive, yet the Captain sought him still, spoke volumes. But the obstinate Knight, Qui-Gon Jinn, wanted to keep him. He wanted to hold onto the youth despite everyone's protests. And Obi's heart clenched from implausible delusion when he recalled how Bant had agreed with Qui-Gon. A wavering voice demanded through gritted teeth. "Why? How could you do this to me?"
Bant could not look at him, her eyes teaming with tears ready to fall. She did not mean for her outburst to be a betrayal. Unfortunately, that's how it was taken. "I couldn't bare to loose you again," she confessed so softly he had to strain to hear her.
Seeing the gentle Calamarian crumble beside him, his anger quickly drained away, leaving the horrible guilt that followed. For a second time he admonished his behaviour, causing his sweet loving friend unwarranted pain. He needed to rectify his cruelty, he thought that maybe if she could see his point of view it would help. "Don't you see? When I was cast aside, I was nothing. No one wanted me. No one cared. But then Tuuvu saved me, freed me and took me under his wing. They gave me back my life when I would have done anything to end it. I love them. They are my family." Carefully, he turned to his old friend hoping she would understand, "Bant, he's come to take me home."
The Temple is our Home! The Calamarian wanted to scream. This was too much. Too much for her heart to take. She had found the one person that meant more to her than anything, had watched him suffer from a blaster wound, watched as he was brutally attacked by crew members and was now about to be taken from her again. She wanted to cry out at the injustice of her life, but that was not something a Jedi would do. Instead, she regained her composure and said, "Happy for you I am."
Upon hearing her twisted words, he thoughtfully regarded his old friend. Slowly, he pushed himself closer to her so that he could look at her directly. He could see the tears trailing down her salmon skin and the sadness that gripped her heart. "Please. Please don't be sad. This isn't the end," he tried to soothe.
"How can it not be so?" Her voice hitched. "You're leaving again." A small hand squeezed hers, and Bant looked down to find Tola looking up at her. The soft lilac eyes were full of compassion for the Padawan. Bant tried to smile her thanks, but wasn't very successful.
Obi-Wan watched the young initiate, it was obvious she cared for the older Jedi deeply. He wished he could do more to comfort Bant. Slowly, he remembered what she had said when they first found out who he was. "At least you know I'm alive and well." It wasn't much, but it was something.
Bant looked back up at Obi. He had changed so much in her mind. As she gazed into his eyes, she noted the hidden pain buried deep within the sea change portals. She wanted to understand, to know what had happened to him and so much more. She wanted more than anything to keep him with her so that she could care for all of his wounds. And she realized she had lied. "I know what I said, but I was wrong. It's not enough."
"You have to accept this. I cannot stay here." His gaze dropped toward the floor.
Quickly, the Apprentice countered, "Yes, you can. It's simple, just say that you want to stay with us."
He snorted. "Why? To be beaten and ridiculed for who I am?" It was meant to be sarcastic, but there was an edge to the comment that turned it into an accusation.
The Calamarian's brow furrowed, but she added with conviction, "We would not allow that to happen again."
"I know you wouldn't." Obi-Wan softened his tone. He believed that she would let nothing else happen to him. And somewhere deep inside he knew she wasn't the only one. "I even know that Master Jinn wouldn't, but."
"Qui-Gon." She interrupted. It was upsetting her that Obi-Wan would refer to the Knight so formally. Over the years, she had come to know Qui-Gon quite well because of their frequent missions. And even though he would never say anything, every time Obi called him 'Master Jinn,' it cut him to the core. She recognized the haunted hurting glare in the blue crystals probably as well as her own Master did. If she could not convince Obi to stay, maybe she could convince him not to inflict the large Jedi with his sharp formality. "You should not be so hard on him. He knows he made a mistake. It's been eating him up the whole time."
Agony hardened the blue-green eyes and he glared at the Padawan. "And my life has been so easy since then. He was my last chance. My last possible hope to become what I dreamed of my entire life. And he rejected me." Old wounds ached within a battered soul.
"He was troubled. It was not your fault, nor was it his."
"Troubled? Does that dismiss all that I have suffered?" His voice quivered from bridled emotions. His knuckles turned white from the tightening grip on the edges of the sleepcouch.
"No, and even though we might not be able to change the past we can learn and grow from it."
"Now you sound like a Master," he laughed. Leaning back, he could no longer take hearing the philosophy that was forced down his throat and choked him when he found it all worthless. "I do not have any Masters now. And I do not want their *wisdom*."
Bant stood when he turned away. Tola clung to her side. "You might not want it, but you don't always get what you want. Can't you see how badly he needs you?"
Her change of tactics seemed to have worked, as the rogue spun back to glare at her. "Why are you defending him? Why are you pushing him onto me?"
Blurting out the answer, she finally realized what she had always known. "Because you need each other."
Silence descended upon the room. For long moments they simply held each other's eyes. At last, Obi backed down, "I don't need him. I need my family."
"What am I?" It hurt her to know that he seemed to have forgotten the family that raised him before he was sent away.
"A friend," he said adding softly, "although now I'm not so sure."
Bant bit back the tears again. "At one point in time, I was family as well."
"That time passed long ago." Just then the door opened and the four elders walked out.
The leader of the crew continued his thought as he re-entered, disrupting the conversation taking place. "Wuan, I want you to show me everything you have so far. We need to think this through carefully."
Jeswick nodded and waited for his friend. "No problem, Captain."
Fen paused, stopping the tall Knight. With a hard glare he looked at the Jedi, "Master Jinn, I want you to get my men back. It's time for you to prove your worth." He then turned and walked out of the Infirmary with the Duros right behind.
Adi walked past and stopped at the doorway, "Qui-Gon, I will head back to the rooms. I'm sure Siri and Tahl have been wondering what is keeping us."
"Yes, Master," dutifully responding to the Councilor. Stealing one more glance at the rogue on the medcouch, she also left. The tall man came to the end of the bunk. "How do you feel?" He softened his tone as he addressed the young man.
"Physically? Better." But this was not what he was hoping to discuss when they re-emerged. Instead, he drove back to the unfinished argument. "So are you going to give me up or not?"
"We still have time to determine that." Qui-Gon knew it wasn't the answer the boy wanted to hear, but it was all he was going to give him. "And you will have to be patient. Right now, we are not planning on letting you go so easily."
The stinging edge returned to the corsair's voice. "I don't care what you are planning, Master Jinn. I'm going home."
Replying in his own cold tone, he stated, "That remains to be seen." Their wills battled quietly for a moment.
Finally, Obi-Wan burst from frustration, "What is wrong with you people? Why do you want me back so badly now? The Jedi left me for dead. And so that is what I have become. It's no longer my place."
Qui-Gon answered calmly, "It is complicated. However, you do belong with the Jedi. And I intend to make sure that happens."
Crossing his arms, the lost youth challenged with steely determination, "That will be difficult. I do not intend to stay here. You no longer have the ability to order me around."
"I am still your guardian here." The Knight reaffirmed, "Or have you forgotten you are our prisoner?" Forced back into the reality of his situation, Obi-Wan huffed as he leaned back into the bed. Qui-Gon glanced over at the younger Jedi standing silently in the room. He was trying to figure out how to get a win-win situation from the upcoming negotiations. But no plan came to mind. The only thing he could think of was to stall for as much time as he could. "Come Tola, let us return to the others. Bant a word please."
Hesitating for a moment, she followed him out. Once beyond the doorway, Qui-Gon turned to address her, "I need to you delay Obi-Wan for a few minutes before allowing him to meet with the Pirates." She gave him a puzzled glance but nodded, there was just no arguing with the man. He had that calculating look in his eyes and despite what had happened, she wanted Obi to stay too.
When she entered the infirmary again, she found Obi-Wan standing in front of a mirror. She wanted to say something, anything to release the awkward tension that filled the room, but when she spoke she could not find the words. "Obi, I.."
Resolutely, he cut her off. "I have to get ready. I'll be going home soon."
"I'll do my best to help you." Cautiously, she walked over to the distraught figure and slowly guided him back to the medcouch. Situating herself across from him, together they entered into a healing trance.
***
Nev woke up with a pounding headache. Slowly he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. It only took a moment for him to gather that he was not on the /Zenah/. Gingerly, he reached up to rub his head, hoping that some memory would surface telling him where he was. No such luck, the only thing he found was that his wrists and ankles were bound. A soft moan coming from someone next to him told him he was not alone. Carefully, he turned around to find his fellow crewmates, Pev-da, Riello Quarg, and Andon Hobbsbreath. He could also see that they were similarly bound. Watching them, he realized that it was Andon who was stirring.
Gradually, the younger man sat up and took in his environment. When he spotted the engineer, he asked, "What happened?"
Nev frowned, "I don't know. I was hoping you might be able to shed some light on the subject."
Shaking his head, Andon looked down at his bound limbs. "All I remember was working on the ship when everything suddenly went black."
Nodding, he agreed, "Same as me." The wa a moment of silence that filled the room. Nev was trying to figure out their situation. Maybe they had pissed off some natives when they crashed? And as a further longshot, possibly the person or group that sabotaged their ship had captured them. Then his mind wandered back to the wires he found. He was almost positive that it was some form of sabotage he just didn't know how it worked exactly. Suddenly, he wished he knew if Wuan found anything yet.
Sighing, Andon's voice cut through his thoughts. His actions mistaken for disappointment, he could hear the regret in Andon's voice, "I wonder if Pev- da or Rie might know?"
But the head engineer knew better, "I doubt it, kid. But I'm sure we'll find out soon enough."
There was something in the way Nev said it that sparked fear in the younger man. Swallowing hard, he whispered, "I just hope we get out of this in one piece."
"Me too," he said while trying to smile, he didn't think it came off to well, because he saw the young man frown. Deciding that it would be best to keep their minds off of the various possibilities he added, "How 'bout we check on these two then try and figure a way out of here?"
Andon leaned over to Pev-da and nudged him. A grunt escaped the unconscious form before rousing. Nev woke Riello with a nudge as well. When the others were awake, they began to discuss how to get free of their binds and then break out. A quarter of an hour later, the group was huddled together and they were about to begin on their binds when they were interrupted by the hissing of a door. In walked three large Togorians. Recognition sparked in the captives, but only Andon voiced their thought aloud, "The Pirates."
However, there was only one among the captives that knew why they had come. Nev looked at them and found what he believed to be the one in charge. Addressing the Captain directly, he asked, "You've come back for your boy, haven't you?" His crewmates looked at him with puzzlement visible in their features. "You plan to trade us for him?"
Tuuvu nodded, "That is our intention. Do not fear, we will not harm you, yet. As long as your Captain and the Jedi co-operate, you will be safe. If not, well, let's just hope they do." He was ready and willing to risk anything to get his cub back, no matter how it might effect them.
Automatically becoming the captives' spokesman, he inquired further, "So what happens now?"
The Captain explained the situation briefly, "We are going to meet with the Jedi. If he gives us back the boy, you will all be free to go. But to make sure we have the upperhand in this deal, we are only taking two of you with us. The others will be released once we have the boy back."
The chief mechanic understood immediately. "In that case take the young man and the Duros. I will remain here with my colleague while you negotiate." His shipmates shot him a questioning glance, but he ignored them.
Tuuvu nodded and Kuuur and Mrrogh hauled up Andon and Riello. Abruptly, they exited, leaving the two behind. Nev looked over at Pev-da. "I'm sorry to have kept you here with me, but I wanted them safe. Andon is young and still has his life ahead of him. And I would rather be here, knowing that I don't have to face Waun's wrath if his nephew was harmed."
Comprehension washed over him. Pev-da was a number of years older than Nev but never had the ambition to aspire to higher ranks. "That's alright. I understand." As the two sat in silence for a moment, another thought came to him. "How did you know about the boy?
Grinning, he supplied, "I spoke with Fen shortly before we were captured. He mentioned that the pirate was still on board. It only seemed logical that that was the reason they returned. Fen told me we would talk about it later."
"Sure does make sense. I just hope that we will be rejoining them soon enough. Maybe then we'll get the whole story." The two leaned back against the wall of their cell and prayed everything went smoothly.
***
"I will not let him slip through my fingers again." The Knight paced their cabin.
"Qui, I know how much he means to you. I've felt it for years now," Tahl attempted to sooth her distraught friend. She then tried to appeal to his sense of honour, "But you must think rationally. We can always make another attempt at bringing Obi-Wan home. If these crewmen die because of your stubbornness, well, I do not know if you would be able to handle it."
Her tactic seemed to have worked, marginally. "I know my duty as a Jedi. But I also know with that comes my duty to the Force as well. And I know that it is telling me I cannot let him go."
What she really wanted to ask him was, 'Is it really the Force or your own need that tells you to keep him?' But she knew that would only cause a rift to form between them. Instead, she decided to make a point of how futile this endeavor was, "And how do you plan on keeping him?"
Sighing, the tall figure stopped. "I am not entirely sure, but I have faith in the Force. It will provide a way." His brilliant azure eyes blazed with determination.
The woman he loved watched on sympathetically. Something in her cat-like eyes told him, she was about to say something that was both pertinent yet disheartening at the same time. "And how does Obi-Wan feel about all this?"
Loosing some of his steam, he crashed down onto the bed. His head fell into his hands in a vain attempt to hide his disappointment. "He wishes to return to the Pirates."
"Can you blame him?" A little surprised at her comment, he wasn't entirely sure how to answer. "Think about it Qui-Gon. Take a moment and forget what you *believe* should happen. Try to see things through his eyes. He was rejected by those he trusted. Sent to the Agri-Corps and then captured. Obviously abused and then finally someone took him in and nurtured him. But it wasn't us." She tried to be as gentle as she could while she spoke, and moved to stand next to him.
He knew what she said was true, but it was not exactly what he wanted to deal with at the moment. His mind clung to one truth, "It should have been us."
Calmly, she reiterated, "But it wasn't." Sitting down on the bed, she wrapped her arms around him. "You have to understand, he may still be Obi- Wan, but he is not the initiate who fought for you all those years ago. He's a young man now. Independent and troubled."
Raising an eyebrow, he glanced down at his friend. "Troubled?"
"His soul is still hurting. A wound has been re-opened suddenly and without warning. It takes time to ease the pain before he can even begin trying to heal it." Tahl's head eased itself onto the large shoulder. She continued but she spoke distantly, "He's been through so much, you can't expect him to ignore everything that has happened to him and pick up where he left off five years ago. Perhaps, you should begin trying to repair the damage in his spirit before demanding that he stay with us."
When she stopped talking, he sat for a moment in awe. She had always been able to view things from a perspective that constantly eluded him. Thoughtfully, he turned to look at her directly and swung his arm around to embrace her. "Do you know that I would be lost without you?" A remorseful grin curved his lips.
"Pitifully lost," she agreed. Her green-striped eyes sparkled and she smiled knowing it to be absolute truth. After a moment, she realized she had not mentioned something yet, "And thank you for bringing Tola back to me. I was beginning to worry."
He said matter-of-factly, "She was exhausted and her mind had been emotionally overloaded. She needed the rest."
"So do you." She muttered under her breath, already knowing the subject was a lost cause. Her thoughts drifted momentarily back to the young girl. "She should not have followed Bant, it was a trying experience for everyone, especially one so young. I wish I had noticed her absence earlier." Her tone sounded almost defeated.
Stroking her back, he pulled her closer, resting his chin on her head. "It is regrettable that she witnessed the crewmen's attack on Obi-Wan. Even I found it difficult to stomach." The image of a battered and bloodied Obi- Wan resurfacing in his mind. His mind wandered while Tahl continued.
"I agree. But I am grateful that she was able to fetch you before there was no saving Obi-Wan. From what I can see he has been through enough pain that he didn't need anymore." As they held each other, she noticed his posture change. His shoulders slumped and he leaned into her a little more.
"This is all my fault." The words sounded as though his heart was being ripped from his chest.
Stepping back, her hands came up to cup his face. "You cannot blame yourself for this. I know it has been difficult for you over these years, but take heart in the fact that your hopes have been realized. Obi-Wan is alive. But never forget that his life has been difficult for him as well. You need to take time to allow things to happen on their own. There is still a chance to make things right, for both of you."
"Is it possible?" His voice not as confident as it usually was.
"Anything's possible," she assured. "Now I just hope I will be able to help my Padawan as well as I can you." She hugged him again and sighed.
Comforted to a degree, he allowed his curiosity to speak for him, "Why do you say that?"
"Obi-Wan has been a major part of both of your lives. I have never told you how many times I have found her sitting in sad silence. Probably about as often as I find you. I believe the Force wants me here to help you two while you both are meant to help him."
"And how am I supposed to help him when he will be gone before I get the chance?" He asked incredulously.
Looking up at him with compassion in her gaze, her grip tightened for a moment adding to the conviction in her tone. "I agree with one thing you have said, Qui. The Force will provide a way."
"I hope you are right." For the last time before he set out to meet the pirates, she reached out and embraced him. There was little else she could do to calm the growing storm within the man. Silently, she pleaded with the Force to bring Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan together, so that they could heal each other at long last.
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I am incredibly sorry for the delay. I wish I could have posted sooner, however there was an almost disaster. My original disc became corrupted and blanked out on me. I couldn't pull it up at work. When I got home somehow it managed to pull up on my laptop and I was able to save the file. But it was a harrowing experience and then I have to finish up chap 10. Now that it's all done. I would very much appreciate any thoughts you have about the updated Chap 9 and now Chap 10. Once again thank you for reading. :D
Thanks for the lyric suggestions! I was able to find some I thought might work well. ;) BUT I HATE!!!! FORMATTING!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meggie - Changing the name?? Hmmm, it's rather interesting. ;) And no problem. I understand when you don't get a chance to review. Unfortunately I'm a notorious lurker. But I am trying to get better. ;)
Ciria - Three parts for you this time. I hope you like it. ;) Also, I adjusted that chap because of a lot of feedback wondering that exact thing. I was hoping to avoid it, but it was mentioned too often to ignore. I hope you like the changes I made. :) And thank you sooo much. I love your reviews. ;D
Ewok Kid - Thank you very much. I am glad you liked it, however, I am sorry you will have to re-read it again. I am hoping that I will not have to go back again to fix things. I think I like the direction that we're headed now. Most of the same comments are valid. I still kept Qui obstinate, if not more so. And Tuuvu really did show how much Obi meant to him, without so many words. Awww, thank you. I do try. Sometimes, oft times, I don't feel like I achieve that. But I really, really appreciate the comment. :D
lighted eagle - I got the hint. And I hope you enjoy the journey that I have begun. This still promises to be long, as I already have sequels planned and such. Let's hope I can continue with such standards I have set before me. ;)
Christy - Um, heh, yeah, well. It might be a bit before we even come close to finding that out. If you have patience, I think you might like what I have in mind. But you will need patience. Heh. :D
ewanobiwan - switching names too, huh? You guys trying to confuse me or something? :p Anyway, I guess you are a 'for-qui/jedi' person? Aww, thanks. :8} I hope everything worked out for you on your story! I haven't made it to this site much recently. Thanks again for reading. :D
Shan - I agree, too oft, Qui is aloof and denying what is deep within him. I'm hoping witht the fact that too much time has been wasted, he'll forgo the 'denial' phase and head straight to the 'I care for you' phase. ;) Thanks, sweetie you are my guide for this and I cannot express how much you have helped me. :D
Jess S - OH, it will be interesting in coming chaps to see how they might 'work' together. We should see that soon, hopefully. ;)
Death Rider - All, I can say, is keep guessing dear on who planted the device. :p LOL, I'm sorry to hear Qui got the better of you, but Obi has his own things to take care of. You'll see. ;) Good luck. :D
jedilittlebee - Yep, that's what I was thinking. If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. I believe that is what the Force is doing here for Qui and Obi, but we'll have to wait and see. ;) LOL, yes, Qui does seem to get himself into a fix now and then. Let's just hope with friends there to help him, he won't end up having to pay. :)
Meggie - I know, I know. I am soooooo sorry about the delay. Like I said there were a number of things denying me the chance to post. But I am here now and finally able to do so. I hope the span between this and the next chap are not so long. Keep your fingers crossed.
obaona - NP. Thanks for replying. ;)
Ani-Coolgirl - Wow, welcome and thank you so very much!! I am so happy you are enjoying it. :D
Louiewolfie - NP. I understand, some things here get a little lost. I know I have lost a number of fics on occasion and am glad to have found them again. ;) Thanks again for reading. :D
Kenobi's Girl - Thank you!! :D
mwahahaaaaa - um, ok. That was an interesting review. ;) TMI on my part too. But I'm glad to see another 'for-tuuvu/pirates' person here. :D
DeeD - Well, thank you for saying so. I really appreciate it. And thanks for the review on my other fic. It's always odd to see one pop up on my older stuff. But all comments and thoughts are more than welcome anytime. Thank you for letting me know. :D
Peggy Schultz, Ciria and lighted eagle - Thank you so much for your patience. I really appreciate it. I needed the break and it was still all too short. I hope it will be enough. Thanks again. :D