Author's Note: Thank you to all my reviewers, you guys rock! It means so much to me that someone is reading my work. Thanks!
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Alec was so shocked that he couldn't respond initially. Was he dreaming this? No, he couldn't have been. When her lips brushed against his at a certain spot, it stung because his lip was split. She pulled away from him for air but didn't allow him to ask questions before kissing him again. He responded hungrily this time, he had wanted this for months. But wait...he didn't want it like this. He could feel Kris undoing the knot on her robe, and he pulled away.
"No," he said suddenly, keeping her at arms distance. What was he doing? Since when did he say no to a woman?
She looked at him, surprised. "You don't want me," she said quietly.
Alec sighed with frustration. "That's not it. You'll regret this in the morning," he said sadly.
"I don't care," she stated recklessly.
"I care."
"Damn it, Alec! Don't start with the chivalry crap now!" she yelled, frustrated.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna take advantage of the situation," he said with all his strength.
"Unbelievable! I'm throwing myself at you! C'mon Alec, please," she begged, coming close to tears once again.
"No, don't you get it? I want you, but not like this. Not tonight," he confessed, touching her face gently.
Kris closed her eyes, wishing she could enjoy the words he spoke, but she was so confused. "Please...I need this. I need to feel something other than what I'm feeling now," she whispered desperately.
Alec almost gave in. His hands rested on her bare shoulders and as much as he wanted to push the robe down and off of her, he pulled it up to cover her.
Kris sighed and started crying. She had never cried in front of him before. She was near hysterics.
"I'm sorry," Alec whispered in her ear as he pulled her in to cry on his bare shoulder. "I'm so sorry." He held her tight and she cried harder. She must have cried for twenty minutes.
"I was so stupid!" she exclaimed in between sobs.
"No, he was a good liar. You were careful. Don't blame yourself for trusting him," he said, stroking her back affectionately.
"He never loved me. I let him touch me, and he never cared," she said angrily.
"I know, I heard," Alec said softly.
"What?"
"I heard."
"How?"
"I was on the roof. I heard everything."
"Oh."
He hugged her. He didn't care that it hurt so badly to have her against his battered chest.
"I killed him, Alec," she whispered, her sobs calming a little.
"I...I'm sorry," he said. He didn't know an appropriate response to that. Selfishly, he was glad it was Sean and not him who had a bullet lodged in his skull.
"You know what scares me?" she asked.
"What?"
"I would do it again if I had to. I would kill him again if he hurt you. Does that make me a bad person?" she asked.
He looked into her scared eyes. She would do it again? She would go through all of this again...for him? That meant that he was worth all this suffering on her part. He was in such shock that he could mean so much to someone. He shook his head. "You're not a bad person at all, but I'm not worth it," he confessed.
Kris nodded. "Yes, you are," she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around Alec's neck and rested her head on his shoulder, still straddling his legs. He stroked her back gently until she fell asleep, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts and the woman who saved his life in his arms.
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It smelled like Alec. Kris woke up feeling very warm and safe. It took a minute for the events of the past night to come crashing down on her. She sighed in grief.
"Morning," her bed said.
She was startled but quickly looked up to see Alec's smile, which comforted her.
"Oh..." she said sleepily, rubbing the sand out of her eyes. "Shit!"
"What?" Alec asked, worried. That wasn't the first thing he thought she was going to say.
"Shit," she repeated. "I tried to seduce you!" she said, embarrassed.
"Oh, that," Alec said.
As Kris slept, he replayed the entire sequence in his head, remembering now her lips felt on his and how desperate she had been. He didn't like the desperate part, just the kissing part. If only she had kissed him two days ago...everything would be different.
"I'm sorry. It was so crappy to lay that shit on you. And I slept on you too. You were probably in total pain. My God, I'm such an idiot!" Kris castigated herself as she got off of him.
"Hey, relax, it was fine. I didn't mind at all. Stop being so hard on yourself," he said.
"Are you okay? Do you need fresh bandages or anything?"
"Nope, look," he said, peeling off a bandage.
Kris squinted, trying to find any evidence that he had even been cut there, but there was none. She touched it lightly, bringing back memories of the night before for both of them. In retrospect, it was the most intimate they had ever been. But at the time, a shirtless Alec seemed a frivolous detail in the waves of information and feelings drowning Kris alive.
She looked at him. "What now, Alec?" she asked, lost.
The question had so many levels that Alec could have addressed. What would happen with White? Would he come after her now? Probably. What would they do if he did? What would happen between them? Were they still "just friends"? The future was scarily uncertain.
"Do you want food?" he asked.
She understood why he couldn't answer her question. It was a hard one after all.
"No, thank you," she said. "I don't want to go to work, either."
"Okay, would you like company today?" he asked gently, going into her bedroom to get a change of clothes he always kept in her closet.
She thought about it. "No, I need to be alone," she stated.
"Oh, okay," Alec replied, disappointed, as he got dressed. "Then I'm gonna head over to work."
"You can work?"
"Yeah, most of the soreness is gone," he lied.
"Oh, okay. Please be careful," Kris requested.
He smiled. "Always."
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"You left her alone!?!?" Max practically yelled at Alec when she saw him arrive at Jam Pony without Kris.
"She wanted to be alone," he replied tiredly as he went to his locker.
"Who cares?" You don't leave someone alone who's just been through all that, Alec," Max said angrily.
"She needs time, Max," Alec said as he put his contents into his locker.
"No, she needs to be watched. Who knows what she'll do?" Max asked, concerned.
Alec slammed his locker shut. "Are you implying something?" he asked angrily.
"So what if I am?" Max retorted.
Alec shook his head. "She's not suicidal, Max," he stated firmly.
"How do you know?"
"Because I know Kris, alright? She wouldn't do that."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Max, I'm sure. I appreciate your concern and thanks so much for helping last night, but back off this time, please," Alec said, grabbing a package for delivery.
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Kris was alone in her apartment. She didn't know what to do. What do you do after you kill someone? Go about your regular business like it never happened? No, that was impossible. Would the police come and take her away for murder? She began to panic. No, that would expose the Familiars and White couldn't afford that. He would keep Sean's death private.
After another shower, Kris went to her bedroom to take out everything she had kept that reminded her of Sean. She had numerous photo albums filled with pictures of them together, stuffed animals he had gotten her, letters he had written to her...everything. She would destroy them all. She couldn't erase him from her memory, but she could make all tangible evidence of his existence disappear.
Disappear, that was a concept. To just disappear. She could make herself disappear if she wanted to, couldn't she? She didn't want to feel this raw, gnawing ache anymore; she could make it disappear...
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"I'm worried, Logan. Should I go over to her apartment?" Max asked him. She had just finished telling him the entire story she and Alec had heard yesterday during her lunch break. She paced his apartment, anxiously awaiting his response.
"Do you really think she'd hurt herself?" Logan asked her incredulously. He had once thought about suicide as an easy answer to all the problems he had, but quickly realized there were things, like Max, worth living for.
"I want to say no, but I mean, I have no idea what she could be feeling and thinking right now. The man she loved was an evil bastard pretending to be all goodie, goodie," Max said.
"She has things worth living for, Max," Logan said.
"Like what?"
"Alec."
"What?" Max asked him skeptically.
"In the car last night, you should have seen him. He was beaten up so badly, but he still wanted to take care of her...alone," Logan answered.
"That's just Alec trying to be all gallant, Logan," Max said, brushing it aside.
"He loves her," Logan stated.
Max looked at Logan. He was dead serious about his statement. "Do you think that's possible?"
"A transgenetic loving someone?" Logan asked.
"No, I know that's possible," Max said quietly, looking straight into Logan's eyes. If only she could kiss him...damned virus. "I meant, Alec loving Kris."
"Why not?" Logan asked. The sexual tension between them was unnerving.
"It's Alec, we're talking about."
"People change. Didn't you change?" Logan asked her softly.
Max thought about it. Yeah, she had changed from a girl without a care in the world to someone who loved...loved Logan. "I changed," she confessed.
Just then the doorbell rang. Max went over to get it.
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