Author's Note: Thank you, thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. You completely blow me away. I never thought I would get as much support as I've gotten since Dark Angle was canceled, but I am SO very touched that you've supported me. Wow! Special thanks to Nimitz4, A fan, Jayme, raydyan, uiui_juju@hotmail.com, dominicanca_nina_121, shalott, toblerone, and steph for reviewing chapter 10, I can't believe I had 9 reviews for that one chapter alone. I'm so glad you're enjoying my story and please review. I love the input! Enjoy!

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"Kris," Max said, relieved, when she opened the door.

"Oh, hi Max, um, I...I can come back later," Kris suggested.

"No, it's cool. I gotta go to Joshua's place before heading back to work anyways," Max said, stepping aside so Kris could enter Logan's apartment.

"Oh, um, okay," Kris said, coming inside. "I also wanted to thank you for risking your ass for me yesterday. I seriously owe you one."

Max shook her head. "Don't worry about it. That's what family does," Max replied. Kris smiled appreciatively. "How are you doing?" Max asked her quietly.

"I'll be okay, eventually," Kris replied.

"We're all here for you, ya know that, right?" Max said encouragingly.

"Yeah, thanks," Kris said, giving Max a hug. Max squeezed back.

"Alright, gotta blaze. Normal'll have a hissy fit if I don't get back on time," Max said, addressing both Kris and Logan.

"Bye, Max," Logan said. She smiled at him and was gone.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Kris said to Logan.

"Don't worry about it. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to thank you for helping yesterday and to give you this," she said, handing him a plastic bag.

Logan opened the bag. Car floor mats. "You didn't have to do that," Logan said.

"Yeah I did, I'm sorry that I spewed all over yours," Kris said.

"It's totally understandable why you did," Logan replied. "Max told me, I hope you don't mind."

"No, um, I was going to tell you if she hadn't already. Also, um, I was wondering if I could borrow your shredder," Kris asked tentatively.

Logan wondered why she would need his shredder, but decided not to ask. "Of course, take it," he said, handing it to her.

"Great, thanks, I'll have it back to you as soon as possible," she said gratefully.

"Take you time."

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Alec was in a sour mood the entire day. It wasn't because of the pain but because of what Max had hinted at earlier. Kris wouldn't hurt herself, would she? No, she wouldn't. But could he blame her if she did? No, he couldn't. He had tried the entire day to not think about the night before, but the images and emotions plagued his mind. He trusted Kris to not hurt herself, didn't he?

After he completed his last delivery, he walked towards Kris' apartment. Though he knew she wouldn't hurt herself, there were always doubts. Images of a dead Kris is various positions flashed in Alec's mind and he mentally shook them away violently, blaming it on an overactive imagination. Nonetheless, he quickened his pace to her apartment, truly scared. She wouldn't, she couldn't. He was going to kill Sean. No, Sean was already dead. He began running to her building, he could be wasting precious time to save her from herself. He ran up the flights of steps to her room and knocked on the door.

No answer.

Alec panicked. He took out her key from his pocket and fidgeted the door open. She wasn't in the living room or kitchenette. She wasn't in the bathroom either.

"Kris?" he called out frantically.

No answer. Oh, God, no...he thought.

"Kris!" he screamed as he opened her bedroom door.

Kris was startled and turned to him. "Geez Alec, you scared me!" she said, trying to recover from the shock. She had been so absorbed in her task that she hadn't heard him enter her apartment. She looked at him, he was so pale. Something was wrong.

Alec sighed in relief and kneeled down on the floor beside her bed where she sat. Kris was alive. Damn Max, he thought, for putting that idea in my head.

"Alec?" Kris asked tentatively. He was panting hard and his forehead was resting against the side of her bed.

He didn't reply.

"Hey," she said, stroking his hair. "What's wrong?"

He looked at her, what would he do without her? His breathing became normal again and he got up to sit beside her on the bed. Photo albums and letters were scattered in front of them.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Oh no, you don't just barge in here panting and screaming my name without telling me what happened," she said sternly.

He looked down, ashamed that he had thought she would do anything to herself.

"Hey, c'mon, what is it?" she asked him gently, placing her hand over his.

He sighed. "Today...Max yelled at me for leaving you alone. She was worried that..." he swallowed hard. "She worried that you would hurt yourself. I didn't believe it, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it could be possible. I couldn't blame you after all that shit. Then I started panicking and ran over here. I...I knocked on the door and there was no answer and then I came in and you weren't there and when I called for you...you didn't answer," he said. He choked up. This wasn't the time to get emotional, Kris needed him to be strong. He looked away from her. He couldn't believe he might cry...cry? He hadn't cried since he thought he had killed Rachel. He wouldn't cry now.

"Hey," Kris said softly. Alec still didn't look at her. She touched his cheek lightly, turning his face towards her so he would look in her eyes. "I'm right here, aren't I?" she whispered.

Alec nodded slightly. She was amazed at how vulnerable he looked; he had given himself such a terrible scare.

"And I'm not going anywhere," she stated firmly.

"I knew that, but then I got all freaked, it was stupid," Alec said, brushing the entire issue off.

"I did think about it, though," she admitted.

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"I thought about how easy it would be to disappear, and make all the pain go away," she explained.

Alec looked scared.

"But I realized that there are things to live for. I have family here. O.C., Sketchy, Logan, Max and you...especially you. You're the reason why I'm gonna get through all this shit," she said honestly, looking straight at him.

Alec desperately wanted to kiss her right then, but he knew it wouldn't be right. So, he settled for the next best thing. He hugged her tight. He never needed anyone before, but he realized as he ran over to her apartment that he needed Kris. It bothered him that someone could affect him so strongly like she did, but he couldn't help it.

They needed each other and they both knew it.

She pulled away from him after a while, but rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm protectively around her waist and she intertwined her fingers with his on her side

"So, what are you doing?" Alec asked again, never wanting to let go of her.

"Getting rid of all the stuff that reminds me of Sean," she replied sadly.

"Oh, um, I see. Where'd you get the shredder?" he asked, looking over at the side of her bed where a shredder was on the floor.

"Logan let me borrow it. I saw him today. I bought him new car floor mats," Kris explained. "I'm shredding all the pictures and letters right now."

"Need some help?" he asked. He wasn't sure what he'd help with, but he figured he would ask.

"I look at the pictures and read the letters and then I start remembering the time we took that picture or why he wrote the letter and so it takes a while to actually shred something. All this stuff, it's all lies. Every smile he gave me, every kiss we shared, they were all lies," she said, a mixture of anger and sadness in her voice. "Just say here, will you?"

"Of course." He didn't want to be anywhere else.

She smiled slightly. She took out a picture from the photo album. It was of Kris and Sean beaming in front of a TV, of all things. Alec leaned in to look at the picture. The man in it looked like a happy person in love, not the heartless man he was yesterday.

"That was our new TV. We saved up out money and bought it after like three months of eyeing it at the store. We were so proud cuz it was our first joint purchase," she said, handing the picture to Alec to put in the shredder. "I'm sorry, I don't think you wanna hear about him."

"No, it's okay," Alec said. "Let it out, talk to me."

The next five hours Kris and Alec spent destroying all evidence of Sean. When everything was shredded or thrown out, Kris fell asleep, emotionally exhausted.

While Alec covered her with blankets, she stirred. "Alec?" she asked sleepily.

"Go to sleep. I'm going to go to The Crash. I'll see you in the morning," he said softly.

"Be careful," she mumbled before falling asleep again.

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Alec desperately needed to get drunk. He never realized being emotionally strong was so much harder than being physically strong. Supporting Kris was so difficult, he wasn't trained to do all of this. But he had to try, no matter how unqualified he was, he had to be there for her when she asked him to. It was the least he could do.

He gulped down a shot of whiskey and asked for another. Kris looked like she was coping well, but it was all a facade and Alec knew it. She was busying herself with all these tasks so she wouldn't have to think about anything else, like the pain. Alec was in pain. He shouldn't have gone to work that day, his whole body ached right now. Maybe the liquor would cure that. Hearing all those stories of Sean and Kris hurt too because he finally understood the gravity of what Kris had done to save him last night. He gulped down another shot and asked for more. Maybe he would get drunk enough so he would forget everything momentarily. His thoughts flashed back to the first time he met Kris and didn't even know it was her. He had been trying to get drunk and he hit on her and she snubbed him. He smiled briefly, they had come so far since then, but one thing still remained. He would never be with Kris. Alec doubted Kris would ever want another relationship with someone after being hurt so badly by Sean. Damn Sean, he cursed in his mind.

"Hey there," a woman said, sitting next to him.

He turned to see a very attractive brown haired woman next to him with very pretty blue eyes. He lips were bright red and she wore a blue dress that accented her eyes. Was he in the mood to 'talk'...it couldn't hurt he supposed.

"Hello," he replied.

"Rough day?" she asked, smiling at him.

"You could say that," Alec replied.

"Well, I could make it better for you," she purred.

He lifted his eyebrows. She was fast. "Oh, really?" he replied.

"Yeah, and it would only cost two hundred," she said, still smiling at him.

Alec chuckled, he hated it when prostitutes acted like they were interested in him instead of his wallet. "Really..." he trailed off.

"Yup, so, what do you say?" the woman replied.

He thought about it. He could really use the distraction right then. But then again, he probably would still be thinking about Kris while with this woman. He sighed. Kris was dominating his thoughts and though part of him didn't mind at all, part of him didn't want to lose his old, carefree ways because of her. But wasn't that a good thing? No, he still had to be his own person, the person he wanted to be. And right now, he wanted this woman to make him forget about Kris and the fact that he would never be with her.

"Sure," he replied.

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"No!" she yelled, waking up with a start. She looked around her, it was pitch black. Well, it should have been, it was two in the morning. She was sweating profusely. What had the dream been about? She could only remember feelings: anger, fear, disgust...it must have been about Sean. Sean. She needed to get over it, she wasn't going to mourn him again, he had been dead for a year. The Sean she met yesterday was another man, an evil one. But...it hurt so much. No, she wouldn't cry, she refused to let him have that control over her. She wiped the sweat from her brow and sat up. Her heart had resumed its normal beating pattern, but she felt so jittery.

Flashes of her Sean and cult-Sean swamped her mind. She never actually loved Sean. She loved a character the cult-Sean had made. The only man she ever loved wasn't even real. He was the only man she loved, right?

Alec. What did she feel towards him? She loved him enough to kill Sean, but what kind of love was it? She couldn't tell anymore. He had been so scared earlier that day when he thought she was gone. She wanted to kiss him then so badly, to comfort him, but it was too soon for her. She shook her head, trying to make the Sean images and confusion she felt towards Alec disappear.

She looked around the dark room. Feelings of loneliness filled her, which was absurd because Alec had spent many hours with her earlier. She felt strangely selfish because she wished that she could go back to her old self, when she was seventeen. She wished she never had met Sean. But then again, it was inevitable that she meet him, he was determined. She was his mating partner. The thought disgusted her. Alec once told her that Max and he were mating partners, though they hadn't actually mated. She despised the idea of someone being assigned to someone else yet here she was, a twenty year old girl who destroyed the mate she was assigned to. She thought she had chosen Sean and never suspected he had ulterior motives. How stupid she had been.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...she thought, curling up to place her forehead on her knees. She could feel the tears coming down, wetting her pajama pants. She wiped them away furiously, she wasn't going to cry over it anymore. She refused, but the tears wouldn't listen to her. They still fell. Soon she was crying, unable to fight it anymore. She slid back down on the bed and cried into her pillow. Part of her hated herself for letting all of this affect her, but another part of her desperately wanted to cry forever, just to let all these confused emotions out. That part won. She never knew when she finally fell asleep again that night.

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Author's Note: What did you think? I tried to make the emotions as real as possible. Please review, and let me know how I did. Thanks!