Author's Note: Hello all! This chapter is very, very long, over 3400 words! That is because the next chapter will take a while cuz I want it to be perfect. I've already written it, and I know where the story is going, but it's hard editing. Anyway, thanks to all my reviewers and I hope you enjoy the chapter! Please let me know what you think!

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Kris did not go to work for the next two weeks. She didn't go to The Crash. She didn't go out much at all. She slept, watched TV, cleaned her apartment, and read a lot. O.C. and Sketchy brought her care packages, thinking she was sick with the flu. Normal had sent a check for her even though she didn't work, telling her to take her time recuperating. It really helped being nice the your boss. Alec came by everyday after work for a few hours to hang out before running off to The Crash. He'd then return to her place in the early morning to sleep on the couch for a couple of hours before heading off to work and repeating the whole process. Kris wondered if he even saw his own apartment.

After the two week period, while Kris was waking Alec up on her couch, she added, "I'm going to work today."

"WHAT?" Alec asked, surprised.

"I'm going to work today," she repeated.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Alec, why are you pressing this?" Kris asked.

Alec sighed. They hadn't talked much about Sean since that day they destroyed all the stuff. "Because, I think it's too early."

"I'm alright," Kris insisted. She was much better than she was before. She hadn't cried herself to sleep in a few days, that must have meant progress.

"Are you?" Alec asked incredulously.

She sat down on the couch next to Alec. There was silence for a while.

"The Sean I knew died over a year ago. The Sean I met two weeks ago was a monster who wanted to kill you. The Sean I knew never existed, I was in love with a character. I don't like it, I feel completely betrayed, but I can't do anything else about it. I hafta just accept that, move on, and live my life. I...I just don't know what else to do," she answered, lost.

Alec nodded his head slowly. "Okay," he said.

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"Good to have you back, Kris," Normal said as she and Alec entered Jam Pony.

"Good to be back, Normal. And thank you so much for the check...you really didn't have to do that, sir," she replied.

Normal was touched. "Aw, don't worry about it. You feeling better, though?"

Kris hesitated. "Yeah, yeah, I am feeling much better. I think I finally got over the flu," she lied.

"Excellent, well, packages to deliver everyone! Bip, bip, bip!" Normal yelled out.

She walked over to her locker, but everything seemed different. Doing something as simple as opening the locker door felt out of place. She was out of place. It was like she was a different person now, but she didn't want to be a different person. She brushed the feeling off and started working.

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"Kris!" Sketchy yelled, giving her a big bear hug. "I didn't think you were going to come to The Crash after your first day back," he said, surprised.

"Well, I couldn't miss a greeting like that, could I?" she responded.

"Good to see you here, Boo Numba Two, we all missed you like crazy. There was no one to keep Soldier Boy in line," O.C. said once Sketchy was out of hearing range.

Kris laughed. It felt good to laugh again.

"Hey, I don't need to be kept in line," Alec said defiantly.

O.C., Kris, and Max rolled their eyes big.

"You know what..." Alec started, but was completely ignore by the three girls. Spending time with her friends was exactly what Kris needed. It didn't make her forget her problems but rather took the sting out of them. That was all she could have asked for anyways. But laughing and joking and talking made Kris feel alive again. She belonged there with them.

Alec went over to the bar to get another round of drinks. "A pitcher of beer and a ginger ale," he requested to the bartender. As he waited, a woman approached him.

"You look happier today," she said to him.

He turned to see that brown-haired, blue-eyed prostitute he had been with two weeks ago.

"I am," he replied.

"So, you won't be needing me, I suppose?" she asked him flirtingly, while touching his arm lightly.

Alec suddenly felt sorry for her, for all of the women who did that for a living actually. "No," he said, looking over at Kris momentarily.

The woman nodded her head and followed Alec's gaze to Kris. She smirked and said, "So long, honey." Then she was gone.

After Alec came back to the table with the drinks, he asked, "So, what do you say?" as he held out a pool stick towards Kris.

"I say you're asking for an ass-kicking," she replied, taking the stick and following Alec to a table. Sketch, O.C., and Max laughed heartily at this.

"I was actually gonna ask for dinner," Alec replied cockily.

Kris laughed. "Fine, dinner it is," she replied. "But you're cooking."

"Cooking? No way, I'm winning this game. You're cooking. I want spaghetti with sausages and..."

"Just play," Kris replied, annoyed. Alec smirked at her and she couldn't help but smile back.

As they played, Kris asked, "Who was that?"

"Huh?"

"The really pretty girl you were talking to at the bar," Kris said. She was gorgeous actually, but Kris wasn't going to make herself feel even more inadequate than she already felt.

"Oh, um, no one," Alec replied hesitantly.

"Huh, she seemed really friendly," Kris commented, a twinge of jealousy in her voice.

"Well, that's sorta her job," Alec said uncomfortably.

It took Kris a second to understand what he meant.

"Oh, I see," she said quietly.

The sad look in her eyes hurt Alec terribly. Her opinion of him probably lowered dramatically just then, and she didn't even know that for the past two weeks there had been a different girl at his apartment every night. At that instant he wanted to swear off sex forever if only he could get her favor back, but he knew that was impossible.

She didn't want to talk about it anymore. Alec had rejected the woman's offer, but it planted a seed in Kris' mind. Was Alec sleeping with prostitutes on a regular basis? That changed her opinion of him in the sense that she felt sorry for him to have to do that, but what he did was his own business. However, it made her want to scream at him with frustration. She was right in front of him! But she probably was too inexperienced and too prude for him. She wasn't ready for anything like that, yet, but maybe she could be again, eventually. If only he'd wait for her...

Although Kris hadn't played in two weeks, she still managed to beat Alec.

"I've been out for two weeks, and I still beat you? What have you been doing while I was gone?" she teased. Then again, maybe she didn't want to know.

Alec wasn't sure how to respond. Well, after the gang leaves, I get extremely drunk and sleep with hookers in vain attempts to forget about my feelings towards you, he thought wryly. "I play really easy people to get money," Alec replied, not wanting to say that he would spend that money the same night for sex. Kris probably suspected something like that already.

"Well, I guess you could use that money to buy the stuff for dinner," she said, sitting down at the table with their friends.

"When?" Alec asked.

She shrugged. "Tomorrow's fine."

"I'm not cooking."

"Yeah, you are, it was agreed upon."

"I can't cook, you know this."

"I'll help you, but you hafta wear an apron!" Kris teased.

Alec looked at her and sighed. Her eyes were laughing again, finally, and he knew she was the only one he'd ever want, but attaining her was a completely different story. Sleeping with women he didn't care for was completely unfulfilling, yet hearing her tease him made him so happy. That didn't make any sense, did it?

"Crap," was all he could say.

"Hey, guys, random question. Why do girls insist on snuggling after sex?" Sketchy asked, completely smashed by then.

"What?" Max asked. "Where are you coming from, Sketch?"

"I told you it was a random question. These things just pop up in my mind."

"Yeah, when your drunk," O.C. added. The group laughed.

"I always thought it was the guys who wanted to snuggle," Max said. "They want to make the girls think the sex wasn't just sex so they try to add something meaningful to the end of it, but it's a load of crap."

"Boo, you are jaded. Sketchy, honey, snugglin' is fun. You get to act stupid and whateva and with your partner and it's private. I dunno about men but the hunnies do it right," O.C. said.

"I'm not a fan of snuggling, myself," Alec commented.

"No, you're the in and out kinda guy," Max said.

The group laughed.

"But seriously, snuggling is stupid," Alec said.

"Maybe you just haven't found the right girl," Kris commented.

"That sounds like a line used about sex," Sketchy said.

"Well, yeah, but snuggling's different, it's...comforting," Kris replied, unable to put her exact feelings into words.

"Agreed," O.C. stated.

"What?" Alec asked incredulously. "No way. I would think it be uncomfortable." He actually had never snuggled so he was talking about something he had, surprisingly, no experience with.

Kris guessed Alec never had snuggled, but he didn't strike her as a snuggling person anyways. She, on the other hand, was a fan of it when she was with Sean, but then again...she sighed. She had actually never snuggled with someone who loved her. She never had sex with someone who loved her. No one had actually ever loved her. No one.

Her chest started to hurt as she suppressed the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Kris?" Max asked.

"Huh?" Kris had zoned out and now the group of off the topic of snuggling. "Sorry," she said, embarrassed.

"You okay?" Alec asked softly. She looked very pale.

"Fine, I'm fine," she lied. The fact that she had never been loved hit her hard. Though she knew this before, she never understood the meaning to it until just then. She had never hugged someone who loved her, she had never talked with someone who loved her, she had never eaten dinner with someone who loved her, she never laughed with someone who loved her...she pushed those thoughts away as best as she could and refocused her attention on the conversation.

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"So, how has your first two days back been?" Alec asked as they prepared dinner the next night at his apartment.

Kris shrugged. "It's all different now," she said cryptically as she put the parsley in the sauce. She wound up making majority of the spaghetti sauce, but Alec was a good sport and wore a black apron.

"Yeah..." Alec said, unsure of how to respond.

"Okay, I need the oregano now," she said.

He handed it to her and their hands brushed against each others. Kris missed that. They hadn't touched much in the past two weeks. They were still trying get back to the comfortableness they had taken for granted before.

After a few minutes of stirring in silence, Kris said, "Try this," taking a spoonful of sauce and feeding it to Alec. Her body was painfully close to his and he could feel the warmth radiating off of her.

"Needs more parsley," Alec said after tasting it, trying to sound as casual as possible. He wanted her close to him again.

"Yeah? Hmm, okay," Kris said, sprinkling more parsley into the sauce. "Alright, how about this?" she asked, feeding another spoonful to him.

Alec was clearly enjoying being fed. "It needs more oregano," he commented.

Kris furrowed her eyebrows. "Weird. Okay," she said, adding a little more oregano and feeding another spoonful to Alec.

The sauce was good, really good actually and didn't need anything else. Alec didn't want to ruin the it, but he still wanted to be fed, still wanted her to be close to him.

"Um, I think I need to try that again. I think it's good, but I'm not sure..." Alec explained jumping up to sit on the counter next to where the sauce was cooking.

Kris tried the sauce herself and shook her head. "You are such a jerk, you know that?" she said, laughing.

"What?" Alec said, feigning innocence.

"The sauce is perfect. You just wanna be fed, like a baby," she said, annoyed, as she walked around his dangling legs to get some plates.

"Ah, don't be like that, Kris," he said, giving her the puppy dog eyes once again.

"Your punishment is serving. I'm sitting down now," she said, handing him the plates and preparing to walk away. He trapped her with his legs.

"Excuse you..." she said, amused but annoyed at the same time. "I might break your legs, you know, if you upset me," she added, trying to get away.

"You wouldn't," he said confidently, putting the plates by his side.

She faced him, his eyes once again dazzling with playfulness. But there was something else there...trust. "I wouldn't, would I?" she asked mischievously, reaching to the backside of Alec's legs to tickle him behind his knee. She had discovered that he was actually ticklish there and on his barcode a few months ago.

When Kris tickled him, he immediately jerked back his legs and she was free. "Manipulator!" Alec called out, getting down from the counter to serve the spaghetti.

"Oh! Look who's talking!" Kris retorted, sitting down and watching him.

Alec was about the defend himself, but realized he couldn't, so he kept his mouth shut. At least they were joking around and having fun again. Alec wanted that back desperately since Kris was the only person he could act goofy with.

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"Don't you get it, little girl? You don't have a choice in the matter," a voice said icily.

"Of course I do, and I say you're filthy hands aren't coming near me," Kris replied assertively.

She was back in the warehouse with Sean standing over her. She was sitting in one of those metal fold out chairs and she wasn't bound in any way...she could escape.

"Besides, you're dead," she added.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked her.

She actually wasn't. She could have sworn she put a bullet to his head, but here he was, walking and talking, alive and well. Maybe the bullet just hurt him, didn't kill him.

"Cuz you thought I was dead before, remember? How do you know I'm dead now?" Sean asked.

Her head was so confused. She hated these mind games. She pulled the trigger, the bullet hit Sean, he was dead.

"You're dead," she stated.

"Interesting. Then how come I was able to do this?" he asked arrogantly. All of the sudden Alec's beaten body fell in front of Kris' feet.

"Oh, God," she said, feeling sick. She kneeled down to him. Was he alive?

"He's alive," Sean said, as though reading her mind. "But barely."

"You bastard!" she said vehemently to Sean as she tried to assess Alec's injuries. But that was impossible. He was barely recognizable as Alec, his whole face was bloody and purple and his body was completely limp.

"Actually, he's the bastard if you want to get technical," Sean replied.

Kris didn't know what to say, so said nothing.

"So, are you coming?" Sean asked.

Kris wanted to cry; she didn't want to go with Sean. "Will you let him go?" she asked, Alec's head in her lap.

"Yes, if you come."

"Alright, I'll come with you," she said quietly.

Then hands were pulling her up, away from Alec, and dragging her somewhere.

"You said you'd let him go!" she yelled at Sean.

An evil smirk spread across Sean's lips. "You're right," he said as he bent over Alec's body and broke his neck. He turned to her and said, "I let him go."

Kris couldn't breath. Alec was dead. "No..." she said quietly, not believing it.

"Take her to the bedroom, we must get started," Sean said to the men holding her.

"No," she said louder.

They didn't listen.

"No!" she screamed, struggling in their grasps.

"No! Alec! No!" she yelled. She sat upright, it was dark. Where the hell was she now?

Just then someone burst through the doors. "Kris! Kris, I'm right here! What's wrong?" Alec said, sitting on the bed and holding her shoulders.

What? It was a dream? No, this was a dream. She was so confused. "No, you're dead!" she cried out at the Alec phantom in front of her.

"Huh? No, Kris, it was just a dream, I'm right here," he said. He died in a dream of hers? Alec was so confused.

"Sean killed you. He said he wouldn't and he did. He said he wouldn't if I went with him, but he did anyways. He said..." she trailed off as she began to cry with confusion.

Sean? Sean was dead. Alec pulled her in close and she cried while hugging him. Wait, she was hugging him. It wasn't possible to hug illusions, was it? She wasn't sure now. Part of her wondered if she was going insane.

"No, it was a nightmare, Kris. I'm right in front of you. Remember yesterday we made spaghetti and everything?" Alec replied, trying to comfort her.

"It's fake, this is fake," she insisted as she cried.

"Here," he said, taking her hand. "Feel me, okay? Feel me here," he said, placing her hand on his bare chest over his beating heart. It was pounding very hard after being woken up by her screams.

She felt the pressure on her hand with every heartbeat. He was alive. This was the real Alec. Her Alec. "Alec," she whispered, relieved.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me, Kris."

There was silence in the room while Kris continued to feel his heart. The only thing they could hear was each other's breathing in the darkness. Kris' head rested on Alec's shoulder while one hand was wrapped around his neck and the other one was still on his heart. She couldn't make herself forget that bottomless pit of grief when she thought he was dead. What would she do without him? She never meant to get this close to someone again after Sean, yet here she was feeling his heart and wanting...more. But not tonight. For now, she would satisfy herself with having him alive and his arms around her.

Alec held her, feeling completely powerless because he couldn't protect her from the demons in her own mind. Feeling her breath on his neck was torturous...he desperately wanted more but knew he would never have it. He sighed, if only...there were so many "if only" situations he could think of.

If only he hadn't been such a jerk in the beginning. If only he had told her how he felt before. If only she hadn't seen him naked with that Sandie girl. If only...if only he had never met her. No, he wouldn't add that to the list. Well, actually, why not? If he hadn't met her, he wouldn't be so tortured now, holding her and wanting so badly to kiss her. If the old Alec had his way, he would probably take full advantage of the situation right now. But this new Alec, no, he was too whipped to actually do something so sleazy to the woman he lo...liked. She was too precious to seduce for a one night stand. No, he was grateful that he met her.

"Are you okay?" he asked her finally, pulling himself away from his depressing thoughts.

"Yeah. Were you on my couch when I woke up?" she asked, every word breathed on his neck.

"Yeah."

Alec could feel her lips smile against his shoulder. "Thank you for always being here," she said to him.

Alec sighed with frustration. She was killing him inside with her warm breath and smiles...

She felt his muscles tighten. "Are you okay?" she asked him, giving him more of that torturously wonderful feeling on his neck.

"I'm fine." Just that you have no clue what you're doing to me, he thought sadly.

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Author's Note: What did you think? Please review!