Chapter 18: Beginning of the End

Leaning against a wall with his eyes closed, Obi-Wan stood. Right now, he was in a secluded storage area near the engine room having just gone around to some of the crew to thank them for coming after him. But what really drained him was the subtle hinting of good-bye. This venture was taking much more of an emotional toll on him than he imagined. What was worse was that the few he had spoken with were not even his closest friends. They were more like close colleagues, but he still knew them well enough to make his farewells hard.

Most of the crew doubled for other duties on board and he would assist with repairs when they needed an extra hand. There had even been times when they sought out his opinions when the ship acted oddly. The technology was peculiar to its purpose, what ever that truly may be. Yet there was a finesse needed when handling sensitive circuitry and delicate equipment. Or rather a force sensitive touch. He was not eager to share this knowledge about the ship and crew with the Jedi. Even though Qui-Gon had gathered that Liior was Force Sensitive, the youth wondered how long it would take the Knight to figure out the rest. Sighing, he began to lightly tap his head against the cool metal behind him. This was such a stupid idea!

Banging his head a little harder now at his recklessness, Obi-Wan slid down to the floor. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid accompanied every soft thud. Folding his arms atop his drawn up knees, his mind continued to chastise. What will the Jedi think of all this? I still find it a little hard to believe and I live here. I can only hope they don't figure it all out. Cause if they do, I won't have any answers to give them. Not because I don't want to give them any, just that I don't know most of them. I've just wanted to forget Drrov, forget the pain and humiliation of that time, that I just couldn't bring myself to find out. And Tuuvu's just too adamant about never talking about him - for my sake - that I didn't dare ask for his help.

Tuuvu. His thoughts drifted to his gentle Patron and what was about to happen when they landed. The fact he knew the betrayal was inevitable didn't make it any easier. Truthfully, it made it worse. He knew what must be done, for the sake of his family. I've got to talk to Kuuur. He's the only one who can help him now. Taking one last deep breath, the youth pulled himself off the ground. He needed to make a couple of stops before confronting the First mate. His time with his friends grew shorter and shorter and there was so much more to be done. Doggedly, he headed for the infirmary knowing who he was about to face.

Knowing he was simply entering the dreaded ward for saying his good-byes and not for an injury didn't make that any easier either. Still, he spurred himself on. Walking into the open room Obi found his friend Naeci re-organizing some cabinets. He smiled despite himself, Naaur always kept the apprentice busy. The Healer's philosophy was 'Always expect disaster but be thankful for no work.' And he was a credit to that line of thinking, Naaur always kept his medical shelves stocked to their fullest, including vaccines and some of the rarer ointments. Over the past few years, they had barely needed his services, but knowing he was prepared comforted many of them on their journey. They had become so efficient in their raids that a cantina brawl in the outer rim ended up requiring his services more than any injury sustained during business. Obi-Wan laughed at the memory, although the cause of that fight disturbed him greatly.

Naeci turned when he heard the soft chuckle and smiled at him, "Obi?" The younger Togorian glanced behind his friend, searching for someone to push him further in. "You're walking in here of your own volition?" The shock on the cat-like face was almost comical, and the youth kept up with the sarcasm, "You must be very ill. Are you sure you're our Obi? I should get Naaur."

"No, don't do that yet," he said a bit too hurriedly. Taking a couple steps further in, Obi-Wan stood behind a medcouch opposite his friend. Then adding, "I wanted to talk to you first."

"OK, What's up?" Naeci continued working as he kept glancing over at Obi-Wan, waiting.

Looking down, he tried to figure out how to begin. The light grey being across from him grinned when he glanced up. He cherished his friends here, they had given him so much of themselves and trusted him virtually without fail. It was heartbreaking to know that he was now about to betray that trust. But it had to be done, to protect them. Obi-Wan composed himself, "I, uh, I just wanted to thank you. For coming to get me."

Naeci stopped, looking at his friend he began to dismiss the gratitude, "Oh, you don't have to…."

"Yes, I do," his eloquent voice firm but gentle. Sea change eyes torrent with emotions locked onto his friend. "None of you had to come for me, yet all of you risked yourselves needlessly for my sake."

Countering, the Togorian muttered, "I wouldn't call it needlessly."

Obi-Wan lifted a hand to cut him off. "I would, it probably would have been better if you just went home." His voice tapering off as he spoke, realizing the truth of his words. So much pain was to come, maybe not physical but emotional. And it would be all his doing.

Ceasing his chore, Naeci squared off facing Obi. The young pirate's tone taking on a slight edge itself. "We couldn't do that and you know it. Just because you are not Togorian doesn't mean you aren't part of this crew. You are a marvel and an inspiration to us, we need you."

"I think you're exaggerating the situation." Disbelieving that others could really feel that way, his gaze wandered off to the side.

"Obi, listen to me," he snapped. And only when the reluctant eyes of his friend met his did Naeci continue, "You are so much more than what you believe yourself to be. I have heard others mention it as well. You've turned their - our lives around. Drrov was ruthless and cutthroat, I know that, but when you and Tuuvu took over, everything changed. You showed them by your survival, that no matter how bad things are there's still a chance we can all make it. You recovered and even helped us to become better, stronger and smarter. You've been our guide as well as our friend. You've given us so much of yourself and when we thought we lost you, most of us were frantic. We had to find you for our sake as much as yours. Don't sell yourself short." When he finished, he watched the other carefully. Obi-Wan closed his eyes obviously trying to deny anything his friend had just said. Softly, he put his doubts to words.

"But I'm a reject. I'm not worthy of anything." The face his friend made conveyed his disapproval. This was not going the way he intended. Obi-Wan wanted to simply express his gratitude, but Naeci's heartfelt words were weighing heavily on his soul. He had to do something to lessen the oppressive feeling that encumbered him. This was not about him, this was about them. What they did to help him. Not how much he means to them, knowing that would only make his actions harder. No, he definitely had to change the direction this conversation was taking. Glancing up with a half-cocked smirk, he said, "I think you guys are in desperate need of a new role model." The mockery and sarcasm lacing his tone hit its mark. Naeci's eyes narrowed, but the sparkle in his grey eyes was unmistakable. The rogue egged him on, "I mean, come on, a human Jedi reject as the Togorian Pirates' Mascot? Sounds pretty silly to me."

The young pirate chuckled unable to contain it any longer, "Damn it Obi, I was being serious."

Reaching over the cot, he placed a hand on Naeci's shoulder, Obi-Wan smiled, "I know you were. And I appreciate it more than I can say. It's just - I don't know - I guess I at least wanted to try to put my gratitude to words."

Accepting defeat at the moment, Naeci looked at the labels on the canisters he was holding and resumed his task. "If anyone should be thanking anyone, it's us. All I know is that we would be lost without you." Much to Obi-Wan's relief, the young Togorian was not looking at him when he spoke. His sacrifice was already a burden too large to bear and the off-handed comment as well as the rest of their discussion, made it twice as heavy. Why did they have to care about him so much, he wondered? It just wasn't fair that he had to hurt them so. The incredible onus made his legs feel like jelly. Immediately, he dropped into a chair and began rubbing his forehead. Hearing the noise, the apprentice healer turned. Worried by the pained expression on the rogue's face, he asked, "What's wrong, Obi? You ok?"

Waving him off, Obi-Wan answered softly, "I'm fine. Just a bit of a headache, that's all."

"Headache, my tail," a new voice added. Obi-Wan flinched automatically in response as Naaur came walking in from his adjoining office. Automatically, he came up to the human with questioning eyes. "I still want that exam, young man. I don't trust them. It's possible they didn't treat you properly because of who you are." The implication evident, why would they care for a pirate?

Obi-Wan, on the other hand, had had enough contact with various healers to know the good from the bad. And from what he could gather the man who treated him after the incident was one of the good ones. "I don't think they would have done that. Just ask their Healer, his name's Kohnwei and he's in the briefing room." Oddly, if things had been different, Obi-Wan thought they might have even gotten along. His thoughts interrupted as Naaur spoke.

"Maybe, I'll just have to do that." The tan and black Togorian watched the youth for a moment, waiting for a snide remark. When he didn't receive one, he grew even more worried. The earlier edge in his tone softened, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes."

Not entirely convinced, he said, "Let me just take a quick look. Make sure it's nothing serious. It looks like you've had a couple of bumps to the head, I just want to play it safe." The healer stretched out a hand to push away the russet bangs that shaded his face.

Instantly, Obi leaned as far back as he could in the chair, trying to get away. "No, it's nothing, really."

But the medic was not about to give up, "Let me…."

"NO, I said." Obi-Wan sprang to his feet, unsettling the chair he was on and knocking it over. The loud cluttering froze the room. The Togorians stood back stunned, looking dumbfounded. Once again, things had not gone as he intended and Obi-Wan sighed. Turning, he picked up the chair. "Please. I didn't come here to argue with you. I simply wanted to thank you."

Still confused, Naaur asked, "For what, I haven't done anything yet."

However, the younger of the two felines did know and offered clarification, "He wants to thank us for going after him."

"Why? It was only the right thing to do." The healer continued to give Obi-Wan a look of bewilderment. It was clear that he felt it was totally unnecessary.

"But it meant a lot to me." Obi-Wan spoke softly. "When I was a kid, I thought being a Jedi was everything. That being a Jedi meant I was part of this huge family. A family that worked together and cared for each other. But when I was sent away, my thoughts changed. I believed that that idea was just a fantasy. That I could never belong to something so wonderful. Until recently. I accepted my death, my fate, when that ship was going down. But then you guys came after me and demanded my release. It was such a humbling yet glorious feeling to know what you had done for me. And I realized that I had been wrong. Not only was I a part of a family, I was part of the best family in the entire galaxy. You didn't give up on me even though the odds were against you. And for that I cannot thank you - any of you - enough."

Everything he said was true. Five years prior he had been rejected and sent off to live a simple life. But when the ship was attacked and he was taken prisoner, it appeared to him that they accepted his death without question. No one came to rescue him from the horror that he faced. No one hunted for him, even if it was only to recover his body. They simply believed that he was gone forever. But when his pirate family had watched as a dying ship limped away to crash on a nearby planet, they had not forsaken him. On the contrary, they sought him out. They risked everything they could to get him back. Of course, he didn't even want to think about what would have happened if he had been killed. But the fact that they needed to be sure one way or another was strangely comforting. And now all their efforts had been negated in a single moment, when he offered himself for their freedom. He could only pray that their loyalty will respect his decision and they would return home to wait for him.

The healer was touched by the sentiments. Now it was his turn to share his thoughts, "Your safety is enough. Your presence here is enough. We all know you would sacrifice yourself for any of us. Actually, you did when you told us to break away while you were still on board that ship. You have done enough for us, we were merely returning the favour."

And he was sacrificing more than he could say. If only he could save them this pain, but he knew that his time here had ended the moment he knew Jedi were on board that ship. One way or another he would have to go back to them, to face whatever fate had in store. At least it would be on his terms. Still, Obi-Wan wished that destiny was kinder. Now all he could do was let them know he appreciated everything they had done for him. "It doesn't matter the reason exactly. Just the fact that you did."

"You're making too much of it," Naaur dismissed. But as he looked into the hurt and pleading seas, he relented, "But if it will make you feel better, You're welcome."

Obi-Wan smiled up at the healer, some relief washing over him, "Thanks." Glad that this battle was now over, he began preparing for the next. Time was steadily waning and he still had a few more to see. Glancing between them, he announced, "Now if you'll pardon me, I have a couple more people I wanted to talk to before we land."

"Sure, as long as you swear you're alright." Naaur eyed the youth searching for signs of discomfort. Of course he found nothing, the boy was too artful to be caught revealing that something was wrong. Besides, it wasn't really his body that hurt. The heart is rather difficult to detect when it has been wounded.

"I told you before, I'm fine." The earlier 'headache' long forgotten. He took another moment to simply look at them. He gathered this would be the last time he would see either of them for a long while, if ever. Emotions formed a lump in his throat and it took all his reserves just to speak without his voice hitching. "Take care you two." Obi-Wan turned and left.

*

Qui-Gon had been wandering the vessel for some time now. His thoughts still cluttered with possibilities and what he was able to learn. And since the craft was unfamiliar to him, he had been walking aimlessly through the corridors. As he made his way down one of the corridors, he could hear voices up ahead. As he scanned the hallway, he found an open doorway, from which he gathered the voices were coming from. His first impulse was to turn around and avoid detection when he was stopped by quick a shout. He knew that voice and quietly jogged up to the edge of the entrance waiting to see if he should pounce and offer assistance. But his worries were forestalled now that he was able to make out what they were saying. "Please." The single word flowed with weary despondency that struck at the Jedi's very soul. He marveled at how much emotion one word could convey. Listening intently he stood. "I didn't come here to argue with you. I simply wanted to thank you."

Confused he wondered what the rogue meant, apparently he was not alone. But they were soon to discover. Qui-Gon couldn't believe what he was hearing. The boy had gone to thank his companions for caring about him. It was such an awe-inspiring thought. Of course, he was disturbed by the youth's analogy between the Pirates and the Jedi. But it was the Healer's genuine reply that convinced him even more of the hardship that was to come. The loyalties, the ties that bound them together in brotherhood were about to be dealt another blow more devastating than their near miss. Yet the young man had resigned himself to be the barer of destruction and was trying to ease the pain before they had any idea of what was to come. Obi-Wan unwittingly had gained another notch of respect from the Jedi Knight.

Hearing their conversation come to an end, Qui-Gon prepared himself for the confrontation. The moment Obi stepped out of the Infirmary, he greeted, "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long Master Jinn." Startled, he did not even consider the possibility of being detected, but it came and went quickly. Composing himself, he easily slid into step with the rogue. He was trying to figure out a rational response to such a question but could find none. Thankfully, Obi-Wan spoke for him, "I'm sure you would like to be getting back to your room now. I'll escort you there before you wonder into a place that could get you in trouble."

Recovering from his momentary stupor, the Knight said, "Actually, I was hoping we could speak privately. I wished to discuss some things with you before we reach Onderon."

"And what would they be?" Obi-Wan asked as he quickly glanced at the Knight.

Qui-Gon stopped, causing the boy to do so as well. As the youth peered up at him, he suggested, "I think it would be wiser to speak without being overheard, intentionally or unintentionally." His eyes danced up and down the hallway, reiterating how vulnerable their current location was.

Eyeing the man, Obi-Wan guided him to another storage room. Once inside, the door shut and Qui-Gon could see the shelves lining the walls held various culinary products. They were in a pantry, not exactly what he had in mind but private none the less. Obi-Wan cut through his thoughts, "Alright Master Jinn, what did you want to say?"

"I have spoken with your Captain," he began, then added more to himself than for Obi-Wan, "He loves you very much." The observance had been forefront in his mind.

Sighing, Obi-Wan remarked, "I know that Master Jinn. Is that why you wanted to talk in private?" The young man was getting annoyed at the Knight's constant intervention. And he had yet to say anything that he didn't already know.

Not reacting to the growing tension, Qui-Gon continued in an even tone, "No, that is not why I wished to speak with you. Firstly, if my suspicions are correct, you are saying good-bye to your friends?" It was remarkable to see, most of the defiance fled the boy's eyes leaving veiled melancholy. But in that same instant it appeared as if a weight had been dropped onto the young man's shoulders dragging them down with the load. The sea change gaze wandered the floor, obviously turning inward to contemplate his thoughts. Qui-Gon watched in fascination as he witnessed Obi-Wan's burden revealed without uttering a single word. He had to suppress the urge to walk up and comfort the youth, he knew that it probably would not be received well. There was still much to work through before such motions would be accepted without misgivings. So he stood waiting.

It took him a few moments to gather his emotions. He was glad he could hide his rampant thoughts when he left the infirmary. It would do no good to reveal that he was having doubts about what he had done. But now faced with blunt observation, he wondered again if he could go through with this. Of course, he knew he must. But it still left him emotionally drained. Quietly, he answered, "I couldn't leave without letting them know how much they mean to me."

"Which brings me to my next point. They seem incredibly loyal to you. And your Captain even more so. Can you be certain that when we land, they will not interfere?"

"Once I have finished my good-byes, I can guarantee that there will be no interference from anyone." Obi-Wan more or less hoped that he was absolutely certain. He figured the whole crew wouldn't be present when the time finally came, it would be a matter of who was present. However, he did have a very good idea of those that might be called upon in the end. Once he talked to Kuuur he would know for sure whether or not his statement would be true. Until then, he would have to convince the Jedi he had everything under control.

"Even your Captain?" the Knight asked cynically.

Adding with false bravado, Obi-Wan met the man's crystal gaze, "He may try but he will not get very far."

Silence enveloped them. Qui-Gon pondered this over as he studied the rogue, admiring the determination to see this through flaring in the sea-washed portals. Knowing what the answer would be, Qui-Gon felt he had to address the actual reason he wished to speak with him. His revelations upon the observations he had made during his short time aboard the pirate vessel effected him deeply. Perhaps, he had been wrong before, thinking it was the will of the Force that Obi-Wan return to the Jedi. Perhaps, once again he misinterpreted destiny had in store for the young man. But somewhere in the furthest reaches of his mind, he knew that he was only partially correct and that fate had yet to fully reveal what was to come. "I have come to see your importance to these people. And I ask you once again to reconsider your position. I must know, is your conviction absolute? Do you still wish to continue on this course to imprisonment? I could attempt to convince Captain Lessik to release you from your vow."

Murky oceans swirled, conflicting emotions vying for dominance yet unable to take hold. A cultured voice spoke steadily, but reflecting the torrent within, "Master Jinn, I believed that you would know better than that. I have given my word. What's done is done. Even if I did say that I wanted to stay it would do no good. Too many Jedi are here, you could never hide me from the Council. Eventually, I would be hunted down just to make sure I was not using my abilities unfittingly.

"And I know now, that if Jedi were to come after me, my family would fight them with everything they had just to protect me. I couldn't live with myself if any of them were hurt on account of me. Nor could I deal with the thought of my family injuring or killing a Jedi. That would be too much for me to bear. Worse than what I am currently facing. I can always ask forgiveness, but I cannot bring anyone back to life. This is the only way regardless of how I feel." Tension coursed through him, tightening every muscle and forcing his hands into solid fists.

He had considered every possible scenario, and all came to the same conclusion, he must go back. He never expected anyone to offer him back his freedom, and to confront this totally wore at his frayed feelings. Why couldn't Jinn let him be? Why did the Jedi have to be the bearer of destruction not once, but twice in his life? And how could false hope continually dangle in front of him, taunting him with a life that was no longer his to achieve? He felt the sting in his eyes and the ache of his heart as he barely held on to control.

A battle waged inside the youth, as Qui-Gon accepted the answer. Not for the first time, and most assuredly not the last, did he regret his words. Looking sympathetically at the rogue, he said, "Forgive me, I know how much of a burden this is for you. I merely wished I could alleviate some of it. I will honour your decision and will not ask you again."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and tilted his face away, collecting the scraps of resolve he had left. When he spoke next, Qui-Gon noticed the hint of defeated acquiescence in the eloquent voice. "Good, now I'll take you back to your room so that I can finish what I started." Wearily, he headed for the door, stopping when he heard the gentle baritone once more. His back to the Jedi, he didn't bother to turn around or look at the man.

"May I ask one more favour?" Qui-Gon slowly approached the young man. "I would like to accompany you during your valedictions. I will not get in the way, I just wish to offer you my support should you need it." Which he fully believed the youth would. The small room felt drained of energy, and he knew that Obi-Wan was the source of the sensation.

"I think I can handle saying good-bye on my own. And you should not be wandering the ship alone."

Unconcerned about his situation, Qui-Gon stated, "An opportunity arose that I could not resist." Carefully, he reached out and placed a hand the young man's shoulder. Softening his tone just a little, he continued, "But I would like you to reconsider. Those you have already spoken to have already proven themselves harder to handle that you thought."

Sounding a little gruffer than he intended, Obi-Wan asked, "Why do you think that, Master Jinn?"

"Because, I can sense it. Your shields may be able to keep your thoughts secret, but I am a Jedi Master. You may be able to fool the others, but I can sense how much your heart is aching as you say your farewells. If nothing else, draw strength from me. Allow me to help you hide your torment. You know should anyone suspect, that the bargain could be jeopardized. I am only trying to help you through this difficult time. You yourself have expressed how important it is for success."

After much consideration, Obi-Wan finally relented to his reasoning. But more importantly, he knew he would need the extra support more than he cared to admit. "Very well. But we will need to hurry, we should be arriving within the next two hours." Resolutely the pair exited the small pantry and headed for Obi-Wan's next destination, the bridge.

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Please, please, take a moment to review!!!! *down on hands and knees*

And thanks to all those who have. :D You made me a very happy girl!!

unknown – Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed it. ;)

Kaat ShadowLover – I'm glad to see that you are sticking with it. I realized a while ago that it seemed to drag on, which is why I'm trying to move it along now. I may not be succeeding entirely but at least they're off that dang planet! I don't think you've reviewed before but I sure do appreciate it now! :D And don't worry, you don't have to every chap, just once and a while so I know there's still interest. ;)

K-Rock – How's that Robin Hood fic coming along? I know I haven't been able to really get around to it. Which is why I've never been able to post anything. Not only that I've been getting in to other things. I need to finish some more little PB's that popped into the head just to regroup and refocus on my major works. ;) I know school can really get in the way of some of the more important things, but stick with it and try and enjoy. DRL is worse than school! :p I hope you enjoyed your marathon read, I know there's a lot here to catch up on. ;)

Shan – I know you're still around. ;) And you totally crack me up!. You are so cute, hinting at what might be coming down the pike! LOL. Yeah, I wanted to give you something a little more enticing to read from what I originally sent. Keeps you on your toes too. ;) Hmmm, I don't know for sure if something is brewing between the unlikely pair, but who knows. We'll just have to let the Force guide us. This chap didn't come out as good as I would have liked but at least it's done and over with. We all can't have perfectly awesome chaps. Not like you any way! ;D Thanks again and I promise to be a better beta with the next chapter. :D

Jessica Maxwell – I noticed that you also reviewed on another fic. I hope to one day get back to that but life has not been kind. I've been trying to catch up on the ones that having working muses. For some reason Menagerie's just won't give me any more. But I refuse to give up all together. Just keep your fingers crossed that I'll be able to get to it sooner rather than later. ;) Ah yes, those marathon reads can be hazardous to a full night's rest. I know I've sacrificed sleep a few times. ;) All I can hope is that it was worth it. And yes, this is also on tf.n. I try and post on both on the same days. But this place is so fickle at times it takes a while to catch up. But this is on a schedule, so you're just gonna have to wait for more. ]:)

K-rock – Silly girl. That's ok, I know the beginning wasn't all that awesome. But I'm glad it's gotten better. I'm just hoping to finish this portion of the story before my birthday! (which is in July) ;)

angel – Thanks. I appreciate you letting me know. It means a great deal to me. :D

lighted eagle – you crack me up! lol. I won't deny growing up is hard, but being an adult adds a whole new aspect of difficult for life. So, if you have a choice try not to do it so fast. ;) Yeah, not all my recent chaps are full of action, but I at least hope they have something intriguing about them. I have been trying to break my paragraphs down because I know they can sometimes get cumbersome. Unfortunately I can't always find a break to divvy them up. Hope they do get better. ;) And yes, things are building up. I hope you like what they are building up to. I know I do. ]:) Mwahahahahahaha. *kaff* *kaff* Uh, yeah, excuse me, tickle in the back of my throat. Honest. Take your time about reviewing, just drop me a line once and while so I know you're still out there. ;) *sits back* Ooooo, look at all the pretty colours! O_o