Title: Keith and the Country Getaway (almost)
Author: Keith-Starbright-Exists
Genre: General/Comedy
Rating: R
Summary: The fifth installment in the Keith Starbright story. It's the wedding of Trevor and Greg.
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, not Harry Potter nor Keith Starbright
Dedications: To Becca record timing huh, usually it takes months for me to finish a chapter, I did chapter 3 yesterday and now today chapter 5, you may not like but hey who cares your still great. To all my other mates who have been added to this story I love you all. To Greg for giving me the idea over "pillow" talk (believe me its not what you think).
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Hogwarts was being over run by family members, friends and hippopotamus' that were here for the wedding of Trevor and Greg. Now let it be known that Greg is not gay, because any insane person would be able to figure out that Trevor is in fact female. As wedding planners were being blown up by Suzi at Trevor's request the preparations were going under way. Trevor and Greg did not want a fancy wedding they were keeping their guest lists short and making their friends as involved in their wedding as possible.
Trevor couldn't decide who she wanted to be her bridesmaids, so she had 12 normal bridesmaids and one chief bridesmaid thus making a lucky number 13. Becca was chief bridesmaid and she was on the war path. Trevor's close friends had been flown in all the way from Chorley and they were all congregated in the entrance hall as Becca ticked them off a list.
"Alex! Yes good you're here. Becky! Right on you go. Heidi! Move it people, Sarah! Okay, Kat! Move it, Laura! There's going to be a blockage soon people, and finally Steph!" shouted Becca whilst trying in vain to move people from the doorways where struggling pupils were trying to get out of their classrooms. "Trevor is so glad that you here now your outfits have been sent up to your rooms and they have magic spells on them so that as soon as you put them on they shrink or expand to fit you. Now move it! Hop to it! Look lively!"
The tension was getting thick but somehow it was still quite gooey, anywho (btw that is meant to be spelt like that) the great hall was being decorated in black and red, the colours of the devil. Poor defenseless pupils were being forced to do Suzi's bidding as she ordered them to reach up into the highest corners of the non-existent ceiling and place drapes and black roses everywhere.
Once all the decorations were complete the doors of the great hall were locked and no one would be allowed in until the next day, when the wedding was.
Everyone came together in the Gryffindor common room and they sat around the fire as old friends and new gave the happy couple their presents.
Sean, Criss, Joe, Andy Will and Daly chipped in together to buy Greg a new orgasmic drum kit and they gave Trevor some ear plugs and a sound proofing spell.
Becca gave them a monkey called Fleabo, 'obviously he doesn't have fleas' Becca told them with a mischievous smirk as Suzi handed them a very squishy present wrapped in black paper and what looked like blood spattered over it. As they opened it, Greg looked at Suzi weirdly.
"My very own pillow!!!" Greg shouted "And it's warm!" Apparently Suzi wanted Greg to be able to have a warm pillow even when Trevor wasn't there.
An assortment of gifts came after, some strange some very sane but after the tiring job of opening lots of presents they all climbed into bed. The boys in the newly made tower near the dungeons and the girls in a new wing of the Gryffindor tower.
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It was the day of the wedding and Trevor was going over her vows as she tried to dress herself but was failing at both tasks.
"Greg sweetie, muffin pie I want to love you forever and take care of all your randy needs as a drummer and I want to be available for you at all times, I will try to be the most bestest wifey poo that there ever was, no offence Wifery" recited Trevor.
"Lots taken but hey it's your special day" replied Wifery as she tried to get on her orange tutu. Once all the bridesmaids were ready and Trevor was still going over her vows, Becca stood them all in a row and checked over their outfits. All the bridesmaids were wearing orange tutus, green and purple spotted tights, black and yellow striped tops and shocking PINK! Doc Martins. The 12 normal bridesmaids were wearing glowing halos but Becca was wearing a fire fighters helmet that said 'CHIEF' in bold letters. Obviously we know who's in charge.
The Bridesmaids filed out with Charlotte tripping over Luna, Ginny and Hermione's feet at the back. Becca was making sure that Trevor was okay, she looked like she had been castrated with a tangerine. This did not add much to her already crazy outfit of a purple tutu, yellow and pink spotted tights, a black and green striped top and orange Doc Martins. She looked like a perfect kinky bride.
Meanwhile the boys were all decked out in their multicoloured suits and orange boots with metal toe caps. They all looked dashing (ewww nasty word). Becca stood by the door and called out each groomsman as she looked over her list.
"Harry! Check! Ron! Check! Joe, Sean, Criss! Triple check! Malfoy! Check! Dean, Seamus, Neville! Check! Andy, Daly, Will! Check! And Keith! Check! Ah your all here, where's Greg?" shouted Becca, Greg came out of the room looking rather green, "No time to get cold feet" she pushed him and Joe down the make-shift aisle.
Trevor was getting ready to go down the aisle on a hippopotamus escorted by Snape but not before her Bridesmaids. As the bridesmaids did the can-can down the aisle, Greg grew even greener.
The distorted view of the Hogwarts ghosts could be seen as they opened their mouths to sing a horrific rendition of "Here comes the bride".
"Here comes the bride, 50 metres wide! Here comes the groom, not got very much room!" the choir of ghosts carried on other renditions of these lines until Snape had escorted Trevor to where Greg stood looking as if he were about to drop dead any minute.
Suddenly out of no where, Suzi appeared in a flash of black lightning in her very own gothic dress and black and red halo with matching horns.
"Dearly hated we are gathered here today to witness these two disgusting excuses for human beings be joined in unholy matrimony. As we all hate long 'sermons' then we will cut to the chase" Suzi said and everyone stood up and started chasing after each other, "SIT DOWN! You mangy creatures it was a figure of speech do you 'people' have to take things so literally? This is the last time I do a human wedding, vampire weddings are great they have bloodshed and we are all allowed to have a good drink but oh no you have to stay sober until at least the reception Suzi. Damn those imbeciles. So Trevor do you take this guy here.......Greg to be your husband and give you lots of sexual pleasures?"
"Of course I do what kind of question is that?"
"One that I have to ask. Greg do you take Trevor to be your wife and give you lots of sexual pleasures?"
"Erm.............well you see.........I'm not sure......can I phone a friend?"
?No you cannot. It's a simple question to answer, do you want to marry this woman and be with her for all of ETERNITY?!"
"Eternity?" Greg gulps as Suzi nods "No then." There is a loud gasp of shock that ripples through the hall. Trevor runs in all her platypus like glory to the Gryffindor tower with her bridesmaids running after her.
"Thank me, that that's over now, I thought I would have to kill myself!" sighs Suzi in relief. The remaining friends of Trevor started firing mushrooms and hats at Greg and his groomsmen. Suzi motions with her arms and all the guests have disappeared except for the groomsmen and Greg.
"Now that was fun!" said Suzi doing a happy dance.
"Where'd you send them?" asked Keith.
"Well to hell of course, then once they've been good and learnt that mushrooms are not meant to be thrown they are meant to be cuddled they can come back and have fun!"
"Well whose for some firewhiskey?" said Criss as he pulled out a giant crate of firewhiskey "Coz there's a bit too much here for me." So the groomsmen, Greg and Suzi all got drunk.
Meanwhile Trevor was making a voodoo doll of Suzi, Becca was asking her why she was doing such an evil thing to an evil thing, Suzi would just enjoy it.
"If Suzi had not said eternity to my Gweggie Poo then he would be by husband but oh no she had to say eternity, damn her!" replied Trevor whilst stabbing the doll with a needle.
"Well I want to knock Suzi out" said Charlotte "It's my main reason for living, once I have done that, I can die from alcohol poisoning."
"Uh-oh Suzi isn't gunna be a happy two toed sloth" says Becca as she changes into a bunny wabbit and scutters off in the direction of the Great Hall.
After lots of drinking, and many accidents Harry thought he saw a bunny wabbit, he did he did see a bunny wabbit.
"Becca what are you doing here?" Harry asked as he picked her up (still in bunny form). She transformed back and said,
"Trevor and Charlotte are plotting to kill you or just harm you Suzi"
"What?? After all I did for them, come on Becca lets grab the last bottle of firewhiskey and find out what they think they're doing" replied Suzi whilst struggling to get up.
The now both intoxicated animagus' were running down the corridors towards Trevor and Charlotte. Becca was on Suzi's back saying
"I can see the birdies!"
As they reached Trevor and Charlotte they were trying to hurt the voodoo doll Suzi, of course the real Suzi was not in pain all she did was laugh.
"What do you think you're doing? I'm the source of all evil that isn't going to hurt me"
"Our father who art in heaven........." Trevor and Charlotte chanted as Suzi and Becca winced.
"Now that is just plain nasty" Suzi said as she hung them upside down and Becca pegged their mouths shut.
"You are going to beg for my forgiveness because I can make your lives more miserable than they are right now, you will be my minions and you shall never and I repeat never repeat that stupid icky prayer" Suzi shuddered as she said the last word. She motioned for Becca to un-peg their mouths and let them down.
Trevor and Charlotte begged for forgiveness, although it took a long time, they were finally forgiven and everyone had a party all the while forgetting that Trevor's wedding had just not happened.
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What will happen now? Will Suzi remember to bring the guests back from Hell? Will Becca manage to get over her birdie fetish? And most importantly Will Charlotte ever manage to knock Suzi out?
Ciao
Suzi xxx
Author: Keith-Starbright-Exists
Genre: General/Comedy
Rating: R
Summary: The fifth installment in the Keith Starbright story. It's the wedding of Trevor and Greg.
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, not Harry Potter nor Keith Starbright
Dedications: To Becca record timing huh, usually it takes months for me to finish a chapter, I did chapter 3 yesterday and now today chapter 5, you may not like but hey who cares your still great. To all my other mates who have been added to this story I love you all. To Greg for giving me the idea over "pillow" talk (believe me its not what you think).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hogwarts was being over run by family members, friends and hippopotamus' that were here for the wedding of Trevor and Greg. Now let it be known that Greg is not gay, because any insane person would be able to figure out that Trevor is in fact female. As wedding planners were being blown up by Suzi at Trevor's request the preparations were going under way. Trevor and Greg did not want a fancy wedding they were keeping their guest lists short and making their friends as involved in their wedding as possible.
Trevor couldn't decide who she wanted to be her bridesmaids, so she had 12 normal bridesmaids and one chief bridesmaid thus making a lucky number 13. Becca was chief bridesmaid and she was on the war path. Trevor's close friends had been flown in all the way from Chorley and they were all congregated in the entrance hall as Becca ticked them off a list.
"Alex! Yes good you're here. Becky! Right on you go. Heidi! Move it people, Sarah! Okay, Kat! Move it, Laura! There's going to be a blockage soon people, and finally Steph!" shouted Becca whilst trying in vain to move people from the doorways where struggling pupils were trying to get out of their classrooms. "Trevor is so glad that you here now your outfits have been sent up to your rooms and they have magic spells on them so that as soon as you put them on they shrink or expand to fit you. Now move it! Hop to it! Look lively!"
The tension was getting thick but somehow it was still quite gooey, anywho (btw that is meant to be spelt like that) the great hall was being decorated in black and red, the colours of the devil. Poor defenseless pupils were being forced to do Suzi's bidding as she ordered them to reach up into the highest corners of the non-existent ceiling and place drapes and black roses everywhere.
Once all the decorations were complete the doors of the great hall were locked and no one would be allowed in until the next day, when the wedding was.
Everyone came together in the Gryffindor common room and they sat around the fire as old friends and new gave the happy couple their presents.
Sean, Criss, Joe, Andy Will and Daly chipped in together to buy Greg a new orgasmic drum kit and they gave Trevor some ear plugs and a sound proofing spell.
Becca gave them a monkey called Fleabo, 'obviously he doesn't have fleas' Becca told them with a mischievous smirk as Suzi handed them a very squishy present wrapped in black paper and what looked like blood spattered over it. As they opened it, Greg looked at Suzi weirdly.
"My very own pillow!!!" Greg shouted "And it's warm!" Apparently Suzi wanted Greg to be able to have a warm pillow even when Trevor wasn't there.
An assortment of gifts came after, some strange some very sane but after the tiring job of opening lots of presents they all climbed into bed. The boys in the newly made tower near the dungeons and the girls in a new wing of the Gryffindor tower.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the day of the wedding and Trevor was going over her vows as she tried to dress herself but was failing at both tasks.
"Greg sweetie, muffin pie I want to love you forever and take care of all your randy needs as a drummer and I want to be available for you at all times, I will try to be the most bestest wifey poo that there ever was, no offence Wifery" recited Trevor.
"Lots taken but hey it's your special day" replied Wifery as she tried to get on her orange tutu. Once all the bridesmaids were ready and Trevor was still going over her vows, Becca stood them all in a row and checked over their outfits. All the bridesmaids were wearing orange tutus, green and purple spotted tights, black and yellow striped tops and shocking PINK! Doc Martins. The 12 normal bridesmaids were wearing glowing halos but Becca was wearing a fire fighters helmet that said 'CHIEF' in bold letters. Obviously we know who's in charge.
The Bridesmaids filed out with Charlotte tripping over Luna, Ginny and Hermione's feet at the back. Becca was making sure that Trevor was okay, she looked like she had been castrated with a tangerine. This did not add much to her already crazy outfit of a purple tutu, yellow and pink spotted tights, a black and green striped top and orange Doc Martins. She looked like a perfect kinky bride.
Meanwhile the boys were all decked out in their multicoloured suits and orange boots with metal toe caps. They all looked dashing (ewww nasty word). Becca stood by the door and called out each groomsman as she looked over her list.
"Harry! Check! Ron! Check! Joe, Sean, Criss! Triple check! Malfoy! Check! Dean, Seamus, Neville! Check! Andy, Daly, Will! Check! And Keith! Check! Ah your all here, where's Greg?" shouted Becca, Greg came out of the room looking rather green, "No time to get cold feet" she pushed him and Joe down the make-shift aisle.
Trevor was getting ready to go down the aisle on a hippopotamus escorted by Snape but not before her Bridesmaids. As the bridesmaids did the can-can down the aisle, Greg grew even greener.
The distorted view of the Hogwarts ghosts could be seen as they opened their mouths to sing a horrific rendition of "Here comes the bride".
"Here comes the bride, 50 metres wide! Here comes the groom, not got very much room!" the choir of ghosts carried on other renditions of these lines until Snape had escorted Trevor to where Greg stood looking as if he were about to drop dead any minute.
Suddenly out of no where, Suzi appeared in a flash of black lightning in her very own gothic dress and black and red halo with matching horns.
"Dearly hated we are gathered here today to witness these two disgusting excuses for human beings be joined in unholy matrimony. As we all hate long 'sermons' then we will cut to the chase" Suzi said and everyone stood up and started chasing after each other, "SIT DOWN! You mangy creatures it was a figure of speech do you 'people' have to take things so literally? This is the last time I do a human wedding, vampire weddings are great they have bloodshed and we are all allowed to have a good drink but oh no you have to stay sober until at least the reception Suzi. Damn those imbeciles. So Trevor do you take this guy here.......Greg to be your husband and give you lots of sexual pleasures?"
"Of course I do what kind of question is that?"
"One that I have to ask. Greg do you take Trevor to be your wife and give you lots of sexual pleasures?"
"Erm.............well you see.........I'm not sure......can I phone a friend?"
?No you cannot. It's a simple question to answer, do you want to marry this woman and be with her for all of ETERNITY?!"
"Eternity?" Greg gulps as Suzi nods "No then." There is a loud gasp of shock that ripples through the hall. Trevor runs in all her platypus like glory to the Gryffindor tower with her bridesmaids running after her.
"Thank me, that that's over now, I thought I would have to kill myself!" sighs Suzi in relief. The remaining friends of Trevor started firing mushrooms and hats at Greg and his groomsmen. Suzi motions with her arms and all the guests have disappeared except for the groomsmen and Greg.
"Now that was fun!" said Suzi doing a happy dance.
"Where'd you send them?" asked Keith.
"Well to hell of course, then once they've been good and learnt that mushrooms are not meant to be thrown they are meant to be cuddled they can come back and have fun!"
"Well whose for some firewhiskey?" said Criss as he pulled out a giant crate of firewhiskey "Coz there's a bit too much here for me." So the groomsmen, Greg and Suzi all got drunk.
Meanwhile Trevor was making a voodoo doll of Suzi, Becca was asking her why she was doing such an evil thing to an evil thing, Suzi would just enjoy it.
"If Suzi had not said eternity to my Gweggie Poo then he would be by husband but oh no she had to say eternity, damn her!" replied Trevor whilst stabbing the doll with a needle.
"Well I want to knock Suzi out" said Charlotte "It's my main reason for living, once I have done that, I can die from alcohol poisoning."
"Uh-oh Suzi isn't gunna be a happy two toed sloth" says Becca as she changes into a bunny wabbit and scutters off in the direction of the Great Hall.
After lots of drinking, and many accidents Harry thought he saw a bunny wabbit, he did he did see a bunny wabbit.
"Becca what are you doing here?" Harry asked as he picked her up (still in bunny form). She transformed back and said,
"Trevor and Charlotte are plotting to kill you or just harm you Suzi"
"What?? After all I did for them, come on Becca lets grab the last bottle of firewhiskey and find out what they think they're doing" replied Suzi whilst struggling to get up.
The now both intoxicated animagus' were running down the corridors towards Trevor and Charlotte. Becca was on Suzi's back saying
"I can see the birdies!"
As they reached Trevor and Charlotte they were trying to hurt the voodoo doll Suzi, of course the real Suzi was not in pain all she did was laugh.
"What do you think you're doing? I'm the source of all evil that isn't going to hurt me"
"Our father who art in heaven........." Trevor and Charlotte chanted as Suzi and Becca winced.
"Now that is just plain nasty" Suzi said as she hung them upside down and Becca pegged their mouths shut.
"You are going to beg for my forgiveness because I can make your lives more miserable than they are right now, you will be my minions and you shall never and I repeat never repeat that stupid icky prayer" Suzi shuddered as she said the last word. She motioned for Becca to un-peg their mouths and let them down.
Trevor and Charlotte begged for forgiveness, although it took a long time, they were finally forgiven and everyone had a party all the while forgetting that Trevor's wedding had just not happened.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will happen now? Will Suzi remember to bring the guests back from Hell? Will Becca manage to get over her birdie fetish? And most importantly Will Charlotte ever manage to knock Suzi out?
Ciao
Suzi xxx