Chapter 6: A Random Chapter Just to fill in a very big gap
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN IS OUT ON 31ST MAY AND ME AND SUZI ARE GOING TO SEE IT ON THE 31ST MAY. I CAN'T WAIT. IT'S VERY VERY VERY COOL. I LOVE POA, IT'S THE BEST. I'M PRETTY HIGH NOW. SO ANYWAY, THIS IS THE NEW IMPROVED VERSION OF CHAPTER 6. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
Disclaimer: Contrary to popular belief, I am not JK Rowling in disguise, therefore I do not own Harry Potter, Keith Starbright or any other persons mentioned in this story (except Becca)
Dedications: Suzi, I love you. Charlotte, I love you. Trevor, you're strange but I love you. Becky, you work too hard, but I love you. Wifery, I've never met you, but I love you. Joe, sorry I don't love you. Greg, let's not go down that road. Alex, don't let the birdies get you and I love you. Heidi, I won't make you snog anyone, I promise and I love you. Sarah, please don't get high again, but I still love you. Steph, I love you and sorry about the scratches. Laura, I love you. Kat, I love you. Emy, I love you. I hope I've not missed anyone. If I have missed you then I'm sorry, and I love you.
On with the story
One morning, Suzi and Becca entered the great Hall eating several gallons of pink cheese. Trevor saw it and wanted some so Becca gave her just a teensy weensy little bit. Then Becca went running outside to the Phantom Ice Cream van and returned carrying 534 ice lollies and gave one to everyone in Gryffindor. Greg, Sean, Criss and Joe set up their band stuff and started playing, so everyone got up and moshed. Then the townies started crawling out of the sewers to beat them up. Becca found her trusty machine gun and they all ran away scared.
In all the mayhem, nobody noticed a certain ruler of the underworld who will not be named run off into a corner with the certain godfather who returned from the dead who also will not be named. I wonder what they were up to...
In a forgotten corner of the castle where Hermione and her new found best friend Becky (the studious ones) went to do their homework a strange and very creepy music was heard floating through a window. Becky and Hermione ran outside and were followed by the brat pack plus anyone who is currently at Hogwarts to watch as Oliver Wood and the underground circus parachuted in. Oliver immediately fell in love with Becky and wandered around in a daze for a while. Becca, Harry and Suzi thought they a circus would be fun. So the circus was put on for the people of Hogwarts.
That night, Becca, Harry and Suzi could be found wandering the corridors well after curfew, although nobody really cared what time they were out until.
"There's not been anything exciting happen for ages," said Suzi.
"Not since Trevor's wedding," said Harry.
"Life's getting really boring," sighed Becca.
"What can we do to liven things up a bit?" said Harry.
"Kill someone," suggested Suzi.
"That's been done to death," said Becca. "We need to do something very different."
"Let me guess," said Suzi. "Something to do with volcanoes or birdies."
"How did you know?" said Becca.
"You are too obvious," said Suzi.
At that point they entered a room where Malfoy, Wifery, Keith and Ginny were watching Armageddon.
"That's what we do," said Harry.
"Save the world?" said Suzi disgustedly.
"No, go into space," said Harry.
"We can't do that," said Becca. "We don't have any rockets."
"It would be easier to climb into a volcano," said Suzi.
"We are not climbing into any volcanoes," said Becca. "Although if you get me one of those silver suit thingies then I might consider it."
Harry shook his head.
"Ok, fine, so we won't go into space," he said. "Have either of you got any ideas?"
Becca and Suzi looked at each other blankly. Just then, Emy the pixie apparated nearby.
"Hi darlings," she said, hugging Suzi.
"We can dress up as fairies," said Becca.
Suzi stared at her.
"I know, I know," said Becca, slapping her own cheek.
"We could go to the cinema," said Suzi.
"And see what?" asked Harry.
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," said Suzi. "It's out in a week."
Suzi suddenly slapped herself.
"I was wondering when you'd do that," said Becca. "We are at Hogwarts, dumbass, we don't need to see the Harry Potter movie. Sometimes I think you're the blonde one."
Emy wandered off down the very long corridor to find Trevor.
"There's got to be something we can do," said Harry.
"Ah, who cares," said Becca. "Let's just find Charlotte and get drunk."
Having been caught up in the mayhem and hysteria of Trevor's wedding and its aftermath, the death of Dumbledore had been forgotten by everyone. It was only many days later when Becca and Suzi suddenly realised that Dumbledore had Freddy, and now Freddy was lost again. And so commenced the great search of every phone that the brat pack, trio, bridesmaids, groomsmen and other general people could lay their hands on, but Freddy was nowhere to be found.
It was later discovered by Alex that Trevor had not helped search for Freddie at all. In act, she had been extremely busy with a vendetta of her own. She had crucified Mrs Shepherd. After the initial shock of the news, Suzi took it upon herself to congratulate Trevor, before deciding that it was about time that she killed someone herself, and ran off to find the music teacher whose name will not be mentioned (cough Mrs Bowling cough). Sirius, Lily and James had a small discussion in a corner about how much Hogwarts had changed since their time, although strictly speaking Hogwarts really only changed with the arrival of the Brat pack.
Harry and Becca noticed that Suzi and Sirius kept disappearing quite regularly at the same time and then returning together. Very suspicious don't you think. Trevor and Charlotte began plotting a way to get Greg and Trevor back together and split Suzi and Sirius up (those shag happy people). It was lunch in the Great Hall when Fuzz burst through the doors on a Harley proclaiming that she was in love with Greg and she would stop at nothing to get him. Greg hid under the table looking scared. Kat and Becca glared at Fuzz. Kat, Suzi and Becca stood up, with weapons in hand. Swords, pegs, knives and of course the trusty machine gun....
Fuzz's funeral was held the following week with everyone attending, including Emy the Pixie, Kat, Suzi and Becca, although Suzi, Kat and Becca spent most of the time playing rock, paper, scissors at the back. Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors. Anyway, this meant that they didn't really follow what was going on, which is probably good, seeing as they weren't in the mourning mood.
Later, Becca, Suzi and Harry were taking part in their usual nightly activity of wandering the corridors. Suzi was explaining to Harry how it is possible to circumcise a poodle with a frozen tangerine. Sirius, Lily and James met them somewhere between Transfiguration and Divination and they decided that it was time to prank the Slytherins. After many debates and much delegation it was decided that at lunch the next day they would make all the Slytherins turn into fluffy orange wildebeests.
Lunchtime came, and all the Slytherins had been sprayed with potion (due to the faulty sprinkler system in Greenhouse 4.13). At midday exactly a loud popping noise came from the Slytherin table. Harry, Suzi, Sirius, Becca, Lily and James congratulated themselves on a job well done, although they were disappointed the Snape couldn't have been involved in the fun.
The next day Greg ate an ostrich, then puked it up on Becca. Becca wiped it on a cloth, then Trevor somehow got it down Greg's pants. We won't ask. So Becca then set fire to Greg, who, by hugging her, then set fire to Becca. Becca who screamed, kicked him in the balls, then ran away and rolled on the floor, before taking a bath in antiseptic stuff. Suzi, who was laughing maniacally, jumped into an army bomber, flew it somewhere overhead and dropped a bomb, which left a huge crater in the middle of the Quidditch pitch. Malfoy decided to get in on the action, so he grabbed a machete and tried shooting everyone with it (nobody ever said that Malfoy was smart). Harry, whilst laughing at Malfoy's stupidity, stole Becca's pegs and fastened them onto Malfoy's ears. Suzi, meanwhile, landed the bomber and ran into the Great Hall carrying a pitchfork (very subtle). Heidi (one of the bridesmaids) decided that this was an excellent opportunity to shove a jellyfish up Joe Taylor's ass. Although amusing, nobody was quite sure how she managed it. Becca returned singing the Teletubby song. Becky and Hermione began hurling very large and heavy books at everyone they could see. Keith started raping a circumcised poodle and Ginny started shaking her hair in Crabbe's face. Steph scared everyone by standing in the middle of the Great Hall and singing every song from the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest (but seriously, who doesn't love Eurovision?). Joe started munching on his pink with sliver streaks sweets and Becca felt it was time to ask the birdies for help. Hundreds upon hundreds of bright yellow rubber ducks fell from the ceiling. Becca ran around screaming "I can see the birdies" until Harry and Suzi grabbed her and slapped her. Charlotte ran around screaming that she was hallucinating until Alex and Kat informed her that there really were rubber ducks in the hall. Laura hid in a corner with a cushion on her head proclaiming that she was less insane than everyone else (who is she trying to fool?). Things were starting to get out of hand when Ron arrived and shouted silence, which everyone ignored. So Suzi looked at Becca, who realised that there was nothing else left to do. So, Becca pulled out her trusty machine gun and strafed everyone.
Later in the hospital wing, Suzi, Becca and Harry had time to reflect on the day's events.
"Well, that was interesting," said Harry.
"Yep," said Becca. "But I wonder where Wifery was."
"I know," said Suzi. "She never showed up."
"Good job with the machine gun, by the way," said Harry.
"Thanks," said Becca. "I've got to say Suzi, that army bomber stunt was very cool."
"I laughed so hard when Malfoy had those pegs on his ears," said Suzi.
"And when Heidi shoved the jellyfish up Joe's ass," said Harry.
"Do either of you have any idea how she managed it?" asked Becca.
"Not a clue," said Suzi.
"Nope," said Harry.
"You should have seen your face when you got hugged by the burning Greg," laughed Suzi.
"It was awful," said Becca. "I am not going down that road again. Ever. Oh God, the memories."
Becca started to cry hysterically.
"Its ok," said Suzi. "Its over now."
"Yeah," said Becca. "It is."
Becca, Suzi and Harry all hugged each other."
"So, how long do you think it'll be before they all wake up?" asked Harry.
"Who knows?" said Suzi, with an evil grin. "You did well Becca."
"Thank you," said Becca.
Will everyone ever wake up? Will Becca ever get over her birdie obsession? Will Trevor and Greg ever get back together? Will Becky and Hermione ever not get top marks in anything? Will Charlotte ever overcome her alcoholism? Will Suzi ever succeed in destroying the world? I don't know. You'll just have to wait and see.
The fight does seem pretty random doesn't it. Some of it came from some old ooc roleplay, some of it actually happened (pegs on Malfoy's ears, although it wasn't Harry and Malfoy, it was other people). And some if it came out of my slightly twisted imagination. So there you have it. A random chapter with no plot or purpose. Kind of like every other chapter in this story.
Anyway, chapter 7 is on its way.
Becca – Don't let the Birdies get you!
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN IS OUT ON 31ST MAY AND ME AND SUZI ARE GOING TO SEE IT ON THE 31ST MAY. I CAN'T WAIT. IT'S VERY VERY VERY COOL. I LOVE POA, IT'S THE BEST. I'M PRETTY HIGH NOW. SO ANYWAY, THIS IS THE NEW IMPROVED VERSION OF CHAPTER 6. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
Disclaimer: Contrary to popular belief, I am not JK Rowling in disguise, therefore I do not own Harry Potter, Keith Starbright or any other persons mentioned in this story (except Becca)
Dedications: Suzi, I love you. Charlotte, I love you. Trevor, you're strange but I love you. Becky, you work too hard, but I love you. Wifery, I've never met you, but I love you. Joe, sorry I don't love you. Greg, let's not go down that road. Alex, don't let the birdies get you and I love you. Heidi, I won't make you snog anyone, I promise and I love you. Sarah, please don't get high again, but I still love you. Steph, I love you and sorry about the scratches. Laura, I love you. Kat, I love you. Emy, I love you. I hope I've not missed anyone. If I have missed you then I'm sorry, and I love you.
On with the story
One morning, Suzi and Becca entered the great Hall eating several gallons of pink cheese. Trevor saw it and wanted some so Becca gave her just a teensy weensy little bit. Then Becca went running outside to the Phantom Ice Cream van and returned carrying 534 ice lollies and gave one to everyone in Gryffindor. Greg, Sean, Criss and Joe set up their band stuff and started playing, so everyone got up and moshed. Then the townies started crawling out of the sewers to beat them up. Becca found her trusty machine gun and they all ran away scared.
In all the mayhem, nobody noticed a certain ruler of the underworld who will not be named run off into a corner with the certain godfather who returned from the dead who also will not be named. I wonder what they were up to...
In a forgotten corner of the castle where Hermione and her new found best friend Becky (the studious ones) went to do their homework a strange and very creepy music was heard floating through a window. Becky and Hermione ran outside and were followed by the brat pack plus anyone who is currently at Hogwarts to watch as Oliver Wood and the underground circus parachuted in. Oliver immediately fell in love with Becky and wandered around in a daze for a while. Becca, Harry and Suzi thought they a circus would be fun. So the circus was put on for the people of Hogwarts.
That night, Becca, Harry and Suzi could be found wandering the corridors well after curfew, although nobody really cared what time they were out until.
"There's not been anything exciting happen for ages," said Suzi.
"Not since Trevor's wedding," said Harry.
"Life's getting really boring," sighed Becca.
"What can we do to liven things up a bit?" said Harry.
"Kill someone," suggested Suzi.
"That's been done to death," said Becca. "We need to do something very different."
"Let me guess," said Suzi. "Something to do with volcanoes or birdies."
"How did you know?" said Becca.
"You are too obvious," said Suzi.
At that point they entered a room where Malfoy, Wifery, Keith and Ginny were watching Armageddon.
"That's what we do," said Harry.
"Save the world?" said Suzi disgustedly.
"No, go into space," said Harry.
"We can't do that," said Becca. "We don't have any rockets."
"It would be easier to climb into a volcano," said Suzi.
"We are not climbing into any volcanoes," said Becca. "Although if you get me one of those silver suit thingies then I might consider it."
Harry shook his head.
"Ok, fine, so we won't go into space," he said. "Have either of you got any ideas?"
Becca and Suzi looked at each other blankly. Just then, Emy the pixie apparated nearby.
"Hi darlings," she said, hugging Suzi.
"We can dress up as fairies," said Becca.
Suzi stared at her.
"I know, I know," said Becca, slapping her own cheek.
"We could go to the cinema," said Suzi.
"And see what?" asked Harry.
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," said Suzi. "It's out in a week."
Suzi suddenly slapped herself.
"I was wondering when you'd do that," said Becca. "We are at Hogwarts, dumbass, we don't need to see the Harry Potter movie. Sometimes I think you're the blonde one."
Emy wandered off down the very long corridor to find Trevor.
"There's got to be something we can do," said Harry.
"Ah, who cares," said Becca. "Let's just find Charlotte and get drunk."
Having been caught up in the mayhem and hysteria of Trevor's wedding and its aftermath, the death of Dumbledore had been forgotten by everyone. It was only many days later when Becca and Suzi suddenly realised that Dumbledore had Freddy, and now Freddy was lost again. And so commenced the great search of every phone that the brat pack, trio, bridesmaids, groomsmen and other general people could lay their hands on, but Freddy was nowhere to be found.
It was later discovered by Alex that Trevor had not helped search for Freddie at all. In act, she had been extremely busy with a vendetta of her own. She had crucified Mrs Shepherd. After the initial shock of the news, Suzi took it upon herself to congratulate Trevor, before deciding that it was about time that she killed someone herself, and ran off to find the music teacher whose name will not be mentioned (cough Mrs Bowling cough). Sirius, Lily and James had a small discussion in a corner about how much Hogwarts had changed since their time, although strictly speaking Hogwarts really only changed with the arrival of the Brat pack.
Harry and Becca noticed that Suzi and Sirius kept disappearing quite regularly at the same time and then returning together. Very suspicious don't you think. Trevor and Charlotte began plotting a way to get Greg and Trevor back together and split Suzi and Sirius up (those shag happy people). It was lunch in the Great Hall when Fuzz burst through the doors on a Harley proclaiming that she was in love with Greg and she would stop at nothing to get him. Greg hid under the table looking scared. Kat and Becca glared at Fuzz. Kat, Suzi and Becca stood up, with weapons in hand. Swords, pegs, knives and of course the trusty machine gun....
Fuzz's funeral was held the following week with everyone attending, including Emy the Pixie, Kat, Suzi and Becca, although Suzi, Kat and Becca spent most of the time playing rock, paper, scissors at the back. Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors. Anyway, this meant that they didn't really follow what was going on, which is probably good, seeing as they weren't in the mourning mood.
Later, Becca, Suzi and Harry were taking part in their usual nightly activity of wandering the corridors. Suzi was explaining to Harry how it is possible to circumcise a poodle with a frozen tangerine. Sirius, Lily and James met them somewhere between Transfiguration and Divination and they decided that it was time to prank the Slytherins. After many debates and much delegation it was decided that at lunch the next day they would make all the Slytherins turn into fluffy orange wildebeests.
Lunchtime came, and all the Slytherins had been sprayed with potion (due to the faulty sprinkler system in Greenhouse 4.13). At midday exactly a loud popping noise came from the Slytherin table. Harry, Suzi, Sirius, Becca, Lily and James congratulated themselves on a job well done, although they were disappointed the Snape couldn't have been involved in the fun.
The next day Greg ate an ostrich, then puked it up on Becca. Becca wiped it on a cloth, then Trevor somehow got it down Greg's pants. We won't ask. So Becca then set fire to Greg, who, by hugging her, then set fire to Becca. Becca who screamed, kicked him in the balls, then ran away and rolled on the floor, before taking a bath in antiseptic stuff. Suzi, who was laughing maniacally, jumped into an army bomber, flew it somewhere overhead and dropped a bomb, which left a huge crater in the middle of the Quidditch pitch. Malfoy decided to get in on the action, so he grabbed a machete and tried shooting everyone with it (nobody ever said that Malfoy was smart). Harry, whilst laughing at Malfoy's stupidity, stole Becca's pegs and fastened them onto Malfoy's ears. Suzi, meanwhile, landed the bomber and ran into the Great Hall carrying a pitchfork (very subtle). Heidi (one of the bridesmaids) decided that this was an excellent opportunity to shove a jellyfish up Joe Taylor's ass. Although amusing, nobody was quite sure how she managed it. Becca returned singing the Teletubby song. Becky and Hermione began hurling very large and heavy books at everyone they could see. Keith started raping a circumcised poodle and Ginny started shaking her hair in Crabbe's face. Steph scared everyone by standing in the middle of the Great Hall and singing every song from the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest (but seriously, who doesn't love Eurovision?). Joe started munching on his pink with sliver streaks sweets and Becca felt it was time to ask the birdies for help. Hundreds upon hundreds of bright yellow rubber ducks fell from the ceiling. Becca ran around screaming "I can see the birdies" until Harry and Suzi grabbed her and slapped her. Charlotte ran around screaming that she was hallucinating until Alex and Kat informed her that there really were rubber ducks in the hall. Laura hid in a corner with a cushion on her head proclaiming that she was less insane than everyone else (who is she trying to fool?). Things were starting to get out of hand when Ron arrived and shouted silence, which everyone ignored. So Suzi looked at Becca, who realised that there was nothing else left to do. So, Becca pulled out her trusty machine gun and strafed everyone.
Later in the hospital wing, Suzi, Becca and Harry had time to reflect on the day's events.
"Well, that was interesting," said Harry.
"Yep," said Becca. "But I wonder where Wifery was."
"I know," said Suzi. "She never showed up."
"Good job with the machine gun, by the way," said Harry.
"Thanks," said Becca. "I've got to say Suzi, that army bomber stunt was very cool."
"I laughed so hard when Malfoy had those pegs on his ears," said Suzi.
"And when Heidi shoved the jellyfish up Joe's ass," said Harry.
"Do either of you have any idea how she managed it?" asked Becca.
"Not a clue," said Suzi.
"Nope," said Harry.
"You should have seen your face when you got hugged by the burning Greg," laughed Suzi.
"It was awful," said Becca. "I am not going down that road again. Ever. Oh God, the memories."
Becca started to cry hysterically.
"Its ok," said Suzi. "Its over now."
"Yeah," said Becca. "It is."
Becca, Suzi and Harry all hugged each other."
"So, how long do you think it'll be before they all wake up?" asked Harry.
"Who knows?" said Suzi, with an evil grin. "You did well Becca."
"Thank you," said Becca.
Will everyone ever wake up? Will Becca ever get over her birdie obsession? Will Trevor and Greg ever get back together? Will Becky and Hermione ever not get top marks in anything? Will Charlotte ever overcome her alcoholism? Will Suzi ever succeed in destroying the world? I don't know. You'll just have to wait and see.
The fight does seem pretty random doesn't it. Some of it came from some old ooc roleplay, some of it actually happened (pegs on Malfoy's ears, although it wasn't Harry and Malfoy, it was other people). And some if it came out of my slightly twisted imagination. So there you have it. A random chapter with no plot or purpose. Kind of like every other chapter in this story.
Anyway, chapter 7 is on its way.
Becca – Don't let the Birdies get you!