Chapter 31: Closing Arguments
"I can't have it all, I have to, they want me to.
And I can't let them down, I will never be happy.
These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe, they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked, they've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell" - Excuses (Alanis Morrisette - So Called Chaos)
The world around him bloomed, as if a refreshing breeze blew past. The sensations he had taken for granted filled him. If he lived through this nightmare, he vowed to cherish all things, all feelings, all sensations. The group of Jedi shown brightly in his mind. He could feel a tendril of the Force connecting him to Bant, her presence a soothing balm to his soul. He could even feel a thin thread that connected him with Qui-Gon now. He hadn't noticed it before but it felt right, even comforting.
In the corner of his mind's eye he sensed the presence of the others in the room. Their emotions varied. Some still held onto a sliver of anger and frustration. Others were empathetic to his cause. While many of them seemed lost and unable to focus. Obi-Wan himself could not settle on a single feeling. The loving power that flowed through him was intoxicating. And he was addicted to it, like all Jedi. But as much as he craved it, being torn from it's presence scared him to death. The first time was a shock, but he coped despite his injuries. He gladly endured it, if it meant his family's safety. The second, he willingly allowed the change. But this time, this time he neither wanted it nor wished for it.
He prayed to be free of the damn collar once and for all the next time it fell from his neck. Yet that was not the present case. No. He would be subjected to the torture of tasting forbidden fruit before it was ripped from his grasp again. The humiliation of losing what filled him with life but denied death. He would have accepted any form of punishment except this. Pain is tolerable. But not this, not this voidless torment that drove one to despair. Dread filled him, as the pending cruelty loomed ever closer.
Meanwhile, the rest of the courtroom watched in awe at the dramatic change. Once pale and thin cheeks blushed, giving off a healthy glow. Dulled sea-washed eyes sparkled with vibrant colour and the onset of tears. His chest heaved a contented sigh, breathing in more than just air. The subdued youth suddenly looked like life itself had been restored to his slender form. A wary smile played at the corners of tender lips. The tears that clung to ginger lashes finally managed to break free, tracing a line down smooth skin. In a word he looked - beautiful. Not that he looked horrid before. But mere seconds ago he seemed more like a walking corpse, an ghost of the beauty that normally shined through.
Guillaume watched the attendants to gauge their reactions. He was pleased with what he saw. Everything he had planned was coming to fruition and he prayed that it would not all be in vain. He let the minute slip by, biding his time for what must be done. At last, he looked up at Osei-Tutu. "Arbitrator, as you can see the collar had stripped the boy of what his body craves most. Now, you will see what happens when the Force is torn from him. I request that Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn be allowed to assist Obi-Wan should he need it."
"Granted."
Gi looked toward his friend who thanked him with his eyes only. The other Jedi seemed to shrink back in their seats. The Masters had some of the younger initiates leave the room while they prepared to replace the collar. Obi-Wan was permitted to step down and stand just in front of the witness chair. His movements were stiff and tense. But only those closest to him could see that he fought against the tremors that coursed through his body. Tears fell now unchecked from pleading eyes. The last obvious indication that he was battling with his fear was the nibbling of his lower lip. He looked the perfect image of desolation.
The wait was positively unbearable. Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan less than half a foot in front of the rogue. An Official came up next to them and held up the collar. The clean metal object reflected the artificial light. As it came into view, the youth clenched his eyes tightly. Obi-Wan wasn't sure he would be able to stand for much longer, his knees already turned to jelly. Qui-Gon whispered empty assurances, but they only elicited a soft sob from the boy. Obi-Wan tried desperately to keep his heart and breathing normal but found them increasing against his will. He flinched when he felt the coolness touch his neck.
"please. please not again. not again." He didn't even know he was pleading aloud. But the guard hesitated at the misery in his voice. He looked up at the barrister. Gi's eyes betraying the steely look on his face, he nodded in confirmation to the silent question. The guard prepared to lock the device in place.
Virtually every single person in the room held their breath. For those that knew what was to come, it was a torturous moment. And for the rest, who had no idea what to fully expect, they sat in absolute fascination. The soft sound of the device locking was almost deafening in the silence. But it was abruptly followed by the heart-wrenching sob that tore from the boy's throat. The figure fell to his knees, limp in the arms of the Jedi. They watched as he struggled to remain conscious.
A number of the Jedi sniffled and turned away from the wretched sight. The tall Knight clutched the boy to him, rocking gently. No words that escaped the Jedi could ever ease the suffering in the young man's soul. Hands clung frantically at the cream tunic, seeking what little comfort he could attain in the embrace. Unashamed of the spectacle he was making, Obi-Wan wept.
Cutting through the sounds of agonized cries, Guillaume locked gazes with the Arbitrator. "I have no further questions." His voice soft but steady.
Many minutes passed. All eyes concentrated on the shaking form of the rogue. At the right angle, some could even see the clear lines of moisture on the Knight's face. Obi-Wan no longer had that bright healthy glow of moments before. His body resembled that of an empty shell, deflated and hopeless. Pale and miserable, the transformation back to vile criminal shackled like the beast he was assumed to be, Obi-Wan slowly stilled. As the last few gasping whimpers broke free, the scene was disrupted once more.
A rather tentative melodic voice announced, "There will be a short recess. Give us time to collect ourselves again. And then I will ask for the Barristers' final words. Dismissed." It took a few seconds before the first person moved but soon others followed. Many of those in the audience looked a shade paler than before and needed to use the 'freshers.
Qui-Gon stayed on the floor cradling his would-be Padawan. His clear blue gaze reflecting the heartache inside. Guillaume cautiously made his way over to them and knelt down. When the room was mostly empty, he cleared his throat. Gently, he said, "I am so sorry for having to put you thought this Obi-Wan. And I know my apologies will never make up for what I have done, but I had no other choice. If we have the slightest chance to win this fight, then I have to use every tool available to me. If….if we somehow do manage to work a miracle, I hope someday you will be able to forgive me." Gi placed a hand on the boy's arm and bowed his head.
A few moments passed before a hand covered the barrister's. Curious, Gi looked up to find sad blue-green eyes staring at him through half opened lids. In that instant his breath caught in his chest. There was no anger, no hate, no accusation in those eyes. Just a profound acceptance and understanding that poured out. No words were uttered as the last hiccuping sobs shook the youth, but Gi knew he had already been forgiven. He dropped all the way to the floor now. A single tear rolled down his face, one he hadn't even realized formed. His hold on the boy's arm tightened. Swallowing, he muttered, "Thank you."
A weak smile curved young lips. Guillaume couldn't help but smile in return. The trio stayed that way for several more seconds when Gi said, "I think it's time to get you off the floor." He looked at Qui-Gon who nodded. Between them, they lifted the young man to his feet. Obi-Wan stood unsteadily, so they helped him to his seat. The barrister looked down at his client. "I'll get you something to drink." Then he hurried off. Now it was just Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.
Qui-Gon moved around the youth and took up Gi's chair for the moment. Leaning forward elbows on knees, his hands clasped together and head bowed, he tried to figure out where to start. Feeling foolish he asked, "How are you feeling?"
Obi-Wan turned in his seat away from the Knight. Half curled in the chair he answered, "I'm - adjusting." Silence passed between them.
"Obi-Wan, you seem different. What happened this morning - or last night - that has caused you to change?" The Knight had noticed the alteration in stance and appearance immediately. Obi appeared to be much more despondent than before and he knew something must have caused this change.
Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes. "Let's just say…. I had a rude awakening."
"What type of awakening?" Qui-Gon wanted to understand what had troubled the youth so. But he would get no answers now.
Sinking further into the chair, Obi-Wan whispered, "I'm tired. So tired." The psychological wounds were too fresh for him to discuss right now. Instead, he just wanted to go back to sleep. His body overtaxed by the emotional and physical stresses placed on it. Worn out, he simple existed in the world.
The Knight moved his chair closer so that he could massage the back he faced. Guillaume came in then with a drink and offered it to the rogue. Obligingly, Obi took the cup in a shaky hand and sipped at it before placing it down on the table. He leaned back into the chair and waited for the proverbial boot to drop.
Shortly after, people filed back into the room for the session to continue. Lastly, the Arbitrator and Panel came back in. "At this time, I would like to allow both barristers the chance to speak their final concerns before sentencing. Mister Sauro, you may go first."
"Thank you Arbitrator." Sano Sauro stepped out to the center of the courtroom and stood thoughtfully. He seemed to be considering his words very carefully. When he spoke, his voice was steely and confident. "Honoured Panel, you're choice is not an easy one. I know I have never envied your position. How can one decide what is the proper punishment, who's life is more valuable, can you put a figure on time or love? It is often said that family is the most precious commodity. And in many respects I agree. I ask you to remember that as you decide this young ruffian's fate.
"Remember that he has negatively touched the lives of thousands of innocent people. But most specifically, he has done grievous harm to one particular family, the Griven's, by his dastardly actions. He talks of loyalty to his family, both Jedi and Pirate alike, but they are empty sentiments. He has no honour left in him to claim such loyalties. He has willingly and purposefully injured and stolen from so many. If he accepts his fate, then you should accept sentencing the proper fate allotted for him. Do not be swayed by the theatrics that my counterpart has shown you.
"The fact of the matter is that Obi-Wan Kenobi has committed crimes - felonies - injustices against his fellow Republicans. He has taken someone's life. He has assaulted and taken precious belongings. Those are the truths that should be considered. Those are the realities that you must see. Do not take pity because of a few scars. Background - life - may guide our footsteps, but it is the choices we make consciously that we can be tried for. His story may have been sad but his decision to stay and help the pirates was his and his alone. Thus, any actions that have occurred since that moment have consequences. And those consequences include just punishments.
"It may be true that as a Jedi initiate, he will have to face another trial and more punishment, but he is no longer a Jedi. Right now he is a subject of the Republic like you and me. A subject that must adhere to the laws we pass and the penalties for breaking the guidelines set. His Jedi heritage is irrelevant to that fact. The only thing you should consider is that as a Jedi, he understood what he was doing and the consequences. Obi-Wan Kenobi has blatantly ignored our rules and therefore should be sentenced to the fullest extent of the law to repay the damage he has done. It is your duty to uphold what we hold dear and make him pay for his crimes.
"I thank you all for your time. I leave the matter in your capable hands now." Sano bowed to them and then turned and bowed to the Arbitrator. A wicked grin darkened his features as he turned and looked at the accused. During his speech he would point to emphasize his words and the harsh glare often bore into the young man. But he still felt confident that his words would achieve the results he wanted.
After Sauro reclaimed his seat, Osei-Tutu looked over at Guillaume. "Mister Tavis, you may now counter."
Placing a reassuring hand on his client's shoulder, Gi stood and claimed center stage. "Thank you Arbitrator. And thank you ladies and gentlemen of the Panel. For once, I must admit that I agree with Mister Sauro; I don't envy you right now. I have been in law for years now and it has become my life. The struggle and plight of my clients is a difficult one. But as a barrister I am able to advise and help them to the best of my abilities. If I were an Arbitrator I would listen with an open mind, keeping my opinions as unbiased as I could. But as part of a Jury, opinions are all that matter. You must take fact and weigh the differences between them and the possible future based on your decision.
"And it is your decision that I beg you to consider carefully. Obi-Wan Kenobi in many respects is a quandary to us. I cannot deny the fact that he has willingly committed crimes against the citizens of the Republic, but I can see that not all of his decisions were his own. It's quite possible, given the circumstances that any one of us could have followed the same path. As a young boy he was abandoned by all he loved. The trials of his life have already taken their toll. You have seen the scars both physically and emotionally that he bears. His punishment was dealt before the crimes could be committed.
"No one faults him for the desire to survive in the face of horror. Yes, his decision to aid the very pirates that took him captive is troublesome. But he knows this and has come here specifically to place himself in this court, before your judgement. He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to pilot a dying ship to safety if it meant he would only be saving the one's to condemn him. He didn't have to barter passage and lie to his family in order to bring those people back to a world where they could get home. He didn't have to turn himself in at all. Hurt and injured, he knew what must be done.
"As much as he loved his family, he knew he could no longer hide from justice. He left his family, his home, his very heart to pay for his crimes. Now tell me, if he is a cold blooded killer that cares naught for his victims, why would he do this? Why would he have bothered trying to change the pirate's methods at all? There have even been reports recognizing the alterations in the Togorian Pirate plague that's spanned a decade. Years ago, while the previous Captain had control, the very thought of traversing those corridors and territories sent shivers up the spine. Now they are more a nuisance than a real threat. And even the raids he was aiming to end. He has strived to make those passages safer from the inside when no one was able to stop them before.
"Now I ask you to consider this carefully, no matter if he was dismissed or not, he is Jedi. His very soul is Jedi. His thoughts, his reasoning, everything about him is Jedi. Their teachings have influenced his motives and brought him back to the Republic today. And it is they who should bestow his just punishment. Any sentence we could give would be horrible for him, that's true. Our prison would not just be freedom lost behind metal walls, but also an imprisonment of the soul for as long as the collar remained on. But that is nothing compared to what they can do. The Council alone should have the authority over his life. And it is highly possible that they could claim it from him. But that decision would be mercy compared to what they would more than likely do.
"If the Council deems it just, they could strip him of his heart and soul. You have been given a taste of that possibility when the collar was removed and replaced. And with our imprisonment, as much as he may be without the Force, there is still the slim possibility that it would be restored to him. But if the Jedi Council rips his Force Ability away from him, then that hope is gone forever. For someone who has already suffered so much, that future is frightening. But it is their judgement he has returned to face, not ours. Please, consider all the facts, all the possibilities with an open mind and heart and I am sure you will make the proper choice. Thank you." Thoughtfully, Guillaume bowed to the Panel and Arbitrator then went back to his seat.
The courtroom was oddly silent, the words of both barristers on their minds. Osei-Tutu was about to address the small jury when another movement caught her eye. Curious, she watched as the figure stood. "Is there something you would like to add, Mister Kenobi?"
Having sat through both speeches, Obi-Wan found the strength and will to stand. All this time he had been resigned to accept fate and sit back quietly. But the herald of doom stood over his shoulder and he felt compelled to speak before he lost his chance. "Yes, Arbitrator, if it would be permissible I would like to say a few things before my future is decided."
"Granted, but please be brief."
Slowly, the young man made his way to the center of the room. But instead of looking at the Arbitrator or the Panel, he turned to look at the audience. "Five years ago my life was turned upside down. Five years ago I thought my path was clear. I should have paid more attention to my lessons, because then I would have known that life has a way of changing in the fraction of an instant. In the beginning, I didn't know why I clung onto life, all there was, was pain and suffering. But then I started to live for my Patron, I found it easier to survive as long as it pleased someone else. Maybe somewhere deep down, I was still living for my old life, for my friends that were more like family in the Jedi." His gaze locked with large bulbous eyes, and Bant smiled. "Then when everything changed again, I lived for my Togorian family.
"But I realized that I have never lived for myself, it has always been for others. Not that I'm complaining, because I knew long ago my life was never my own. It belongs to the people I love. And in that I have failed you all. By my actions I have handed over that right to this court. By foregoing my training and lacking the will to stop the atrocities I have lost the right to receive your love. And for that I must beg your forgiveness. I never meant to hurt you or lose your respect. I never meant to harm anyone. Mister Griven," he turned to regard the pilot, "I don't blame you for what happened on the Zenah. It was a reaction to the pain I caused. I will never be able to reconcile your loss, so I hope you will be satisfied with whatever decision the Panel makes."
Now Obi-Wan turned to look at the 8 beings who sat quietly in judgement. "I'm not going to beg forgiveness from you all for what I have done. I'm not going to ask for sympathy or plead for my life. What I am going to ask you for is justice, one that is unmarred by the opinions of the barristers. My life as a Jedi or a Pirate is inconsequential to my crimes. Do not allow Mister Sauro's vendetta or Mister Tavis' acquittal to the Jedi dissuade you from what you must do. Do what you feel is right and I will happily accept your verdict." He bowed deeply and then straightened. Then he put his wrists together and held them out in front as a demonstration of his submittal. "Please replace the binds, until it is deemed otherwise unnecessary."
With a small gesture of her hand, a guard came up to put the binders back on the youth. Once that was done, Osei-Tutu watched the youth, "Have you finished with what you wanted to say?" At his nod, she looked over at the Panel. "Now that all the testimony has been given and all remarks are complete, I ask the foreman of the Panel to step forward and advise this Court of your decision."
Seven members looked to one man who sat at the end. The dark haired gentleman cleared his throat and stood. "Arbitrator, it is this Panel's request that the final verdict be postponed until tomorrow morning so that the subject can be discussed fully."
Nodding, Osei-Tutu replied, "The Panel's request has been granted. This Court will reconvene tomorrow morning when the fate of Obi-Wan Kenobi will finally be decided."
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I know, I know another cliffie, right? Well, tough! :p Now tell me, did you honestly believe you were going to get the verdict so quickly?? I didn't think so. Anyway, I'll be doing my best to get next chap done by next fri. Some encouragement would definitely be nice. My muse LOVES encouragement. And the best way to do that is by submitting a review!! That's right. Just click on that button and let me know how I'm doing. I always listen to my readers, so please give me your thoughts because then I can make sure to explain things clearer if need be. ;) Thanks for reading!!! :D
Fudge – Oh good, I was worried I may have been hyping it up too much. But I wanted to warn people just in case. hehe. I really do love playing with emotions. They are so complex but no matter what there's no way we can mistake them. They are so much a part of our lives that we need to allow those emotional releases of all types. Sad. Happy. Whatever. ;) Yeah. :8} I kinda liked putting Obi through all that torment because watching him get all flustered is so much fun. :D Wow! Thank you! With this fic I set out to do my best, best writing, best story, best characterizations that I could. If I achieved even one of those I would be happy. And thus far I'm vewry happy with the way this story has progressed. And I get so excited when I know that I've managed to make you feel. ;) Thanks again!!
OptiMoose – I told you this was much better than my other junk. ;) Glad you were able to catch up. ;)
Delphine Pryde – Indeed! I really, really want that as a Bumper sticker. ;)
YLJedi – Thanks! Well, I'm glad I was able to deliver a good shot of Obi-Angst for you. And yes, cliffies are double-edged but sometimes definitely worth it. There are a lot of jobs out there that are toughter than we realize. When writing Gi, I knew that his position would be difficult. And I'm glad I was able to convey that. ;) Thanks for the vote of confidence!! :D
LOTRFaith – LOL, yeah, well it was emotionally draining when writing it too. It was hard to keep the tears at bay while writing his suffering, because I knew I was the real reason he had to go through all of that. Oh, I know Sauro's part could have been worse but I think that Gi's strategies were horrible enough that I didn't want to completely over load Obi. hehe, Sometimes I have a hard time staying awake for church but fortunately my name is not in the bible so I don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. Within the past year, we lost two family members, one was really hard to deal with, the other not nearly as bad. And my first remembered exposure to death was when a high school friend committed suicide in 10th grade. That was hard too but it's been almost ten years since then. Good luck with your family, and if you need anything let me know and I will help. Yup, writing is definitely therapeutic. Don't worry my web site stinks right now too. Hopefully, I'll have time to get back to that too. ;) Well, you have a good night and all. ttyl. :D
Amazed – You know it will take me a while to get over the –san thing. But that's ok, cause that's cool! ;) Yes, my other hobby is reader torture. Did I do well?? Besides cliffies were designed to make you want to come back for the rest of it. I'm just feeding that desire. ;P Well, even if all of it was somewhat predictable, II hope that it was written different enough for it not to be boring. Thanks! Domo! ;)
Snow-Glory – That's ok. I just didn't want to leave you out. ;') Angst should really be my middle name. ]:) I'll have to check into that. :D Thanks again!! :D
Elizabeth Goode – Thank you very much!! :D I'm so happy you are enjoying it. :)
Shan – it's ok, I know how busy you are now. So it's ok if you haven't read in a bit. Thank you as always!! I'm so excited that you enjoyed this chap. I know I wrote Obi more-or-less the way I would have handled everything. So I'm glad his reactions were not way off base. Take your time. And we'll have to chat sometime later. ;)
Thanks again everyone for reading!!
Quick note: I apologize for any really messed up replies or such. I'm really tired and can barely keep my eyes open. Well, I'm off to catch some z's. Later!! :D