Virago
Chapter Fifteen

23 April 2009

'I don't know what to do, Professor.'

'I'm afraid that is one thing I can not help you with,' he said to her kindly.

Rogue bit her lower lip, averting his probing eyes. The consequences of her return still lingered on her mind. She felt lost, confused. She felt like the fifteen year old girl who had left the mansion all those years ago. Her first stop after being released from the infirmary had been the Professor's office.

'I feel as if I can't leave, but I don't think I can stay.'

'You will always be a part of the X-Men, Rogue. And you know that you are always welcome here.'

She sighed. 'I don't want to run away again. It accomplished nothing.'

'Not nothing.'

Rogue looked up. Professor Xavier was the closest thing she had ever had to a father, and she valued his thoughts and opinions to the highest degree.

'I see before me a beautiful, happy, highly intelligent young woman. I couldn't have hoped for anything more, and I am extremely proud to have once been able to call you one of my students. And I see someone who is no longer afraid.' He looked ruefully at her. 'I would like to think that under my continued tutelage, you would have eventually grown into the person you are now, but we both know that's not true. Finding out who you are and forging your own identity that was independent of the X-Men – that was the journey for you, Rogue. A unique journey that was yours alone.'

She could think of no response, and so said nothing. His words touched her, and she knew that at least, in his eyes, she carried no blame for the emotional wreck around her. Though comforted, it eased very little of her guilt.

'My only wish is that whatever you decide is best for you, and not what you feel you must do.'

Rogue knew how fortunate she was to have met Charles Xavier. 'Thank you, Professor.'

Rogue found her easily. Once they had been friends. Good friends. It seemed so long ago now.

'Don't.'

She could almost feel Kitty's hatred, though the younger woman kept her back turned. It blanketed the room. 'Please, I want to explain.'

Kitty finally turned. Her eyes were cold, her face hard and impassive. 'There is nothing I want to hear from you.'

'Kitty-'

'No.' And though her posture remained unyielding, her tone became less harsh. 'I'm going to speak. I know it's wrong to hate you for something that was never your fault, but it's more than just Lance following you and…and leaving me. It was you taking everything that was important. Lance, my roommate and my bestfriend, the X-Men. Believe it or not, you took the heart of the X-Men with you. Everything fell apart, and all I wanted was you to come back and fix it. When Jean and Scott got together, everything became okay again, like it should be. Things had changed, and I never wanted you to come back because I knew that Scott would eventually figure out how he really felt for you.

'But you came back anyway. You left, and you destroyed everything. You come back, and you continue to destroy everything. It comes down to you. I hate you for that. I hate that you haven't been here for the past seven years, yet you continued to be a significant part of it all.

'And now, you'll leave again. You'll leave behind everything that you destroyed.'

Rogue said nothing to defend herself. 'Kitty, what do you want me to do? I'll stay if you want. I'll do what I can to fix it all for you.'

If possible, Kitty's eyes grew even colder. 'Whether you leave or stay, nothing is ever going to be the way it should be. What I want is for you to go back to seven years ago, and to not do what you did. Can you do that for me?'

'Kitty-'

'I didn't think so. If forgiveness is what you want, don't come to me. Not unless you can give me back those seven years.'

Rogue watched, heart sinking, as Kitty Pride walked away from her.

'Do you know what I hated about you leaving?' Scott asked quietly.

Rogue said nothing. She had gone in search for him after speaking with Kitty, and had found him in the training room. It surprised her how easily he had agreed to talk.

'I felt that I had lost my bestfriend, a very important part of my life.' He sighed, shaking his head. 'And I felt guilty for it because I knew that had it been anyone else, it would never have hurt as much as it did.'

A part of her - her fifteen-year-old self - wanted to ask, "Even Jean?", but didn't. She already knew the answer. It was right before her in everything that he did.

'But what I hated most was that all the possible "what ifs" never even received the chance to be discovered.'

Words she would have dearly loved to have heard, once upon a time. 'Scott, this is all in hindsight. Had I stayed…' Rogue trailed off. She felt at loss when it came to him, to his unexpected declarations. 'You love Jean.'

His jaw clenched perceptibly. 'It seems everybody saw it but me. Ever since you moved to the mansion, and all this time, all the years that I had thought I had pushed you out of my mind…'

Rogue could not hurt him. For though all romantic feelings for him had faded, Scott would always be the first boy she had fallen in love with. The first person she had ever granted, however reluctantly, her full trust to. Nothing would change that.

Nor could she dare offer him false hopes. 'Scott… You're in love with a memory. A person who doesn't exist anymore.'

Though she could not see his eyes, the intensity of his gaze scorched her. 'I'm in love with you.'

Rogue shook her head sadly. 'You don't even know me.'

'And Kurt?'

Through her dejection, Rogue managed a small smile. 'I made him promise to visit us in New York.'

Warren looked pointedly at her. 'Are you certain this is what you want to do?'

She nodded. 'For now, it is all I can do. My presence here is precarious, volatile. And with this…?' She indicated to her long sleeves, her gloved hands. Her covered skin.

Warren reached out to hold her hand. She felt a deep pang at her inability to feel the texture of his skin over hers, but she remembered vividly the pleasant roughness of his callused hands. One of the many details she had carefully filed away.

'It's only temporary,' he confidently assured her. 'With both Hank and Dr Garrison working on it, it won't be long before they find a safe alternative to the good doctor's original mutation suppressor.' He smirked at her. 'And I know the perfect place we can do the naked thing again.'

Fighting the blush she felt blooming to her cheeks, Rogue gently pinched him through the layers of material. 'You're no angel, Warren Worthington.'

He moved to caress her cheeks. 'But you are.'

It was corny, but it was one of the reasons she loved him.

end chapter fifteen.

Author's notes: Once again, thank you for the reviews. And to reviewer Zero (if you're still reading), I'm glad that you like the idea of Rogue/Lance. I have written a multi-chapter fic that deals with Rogue's time with the Brotherhood, and her relationship with Lance, called Allied Strangers. :)