Many thanks to jackfan2 for the beta read!

Chapter 10 - Doubts

Six days it took him to sail from Port Maison to Tortuga. During the six day trip, he barely slept, terrified as he was for the nightmares that attacked him as soon as he closed his eyes. Nightmares that always ended with him killing that select group of people that he actually trusted and the laughter of the voice ringing in his ears.

Not that it mattered much that he didn't sleep. The voice was quiet capable of making his life a waking nightmare, by telling over and over again that he was the one who betrayed his friends, he was the one who left them to die. The voice sing-songed as to how he wasn't even worthy for the deepest circle of hell.

The worst thing was: it was true. During the trip to Tortuga, Jack slowly started to realize that little fact. In shock, he'd not been fully aware of what he was doing when he had left Will and Elizabeth. But no excuses, he had left them. Like any common pirate, he'd behaved taking a path to save only his own dirty skin. That made him unworthy of any sort of friendship, unworthy of Bootstrap's memory, unworthy of the Black Pearl… Bloody hell, it even made him unworthy of the title 'Captain'!

After he docked the Freedom, he moved remotely to the Faithful Bride. The slight limp in his leg continued to remind him of the time he'd spent incarcerated. Reminded him of the friends he'd left behind. Reminded him of the self disgust he now felt.

 

Tortuga always felt like home to him. He always looked forward to returning to this one place were no men felt unwanted, although it now was officially proved that that was not true.  At the moment, unwanted was exactly how he felt. In fact, he felt worse now than he did in the time of his incarceration at Port Maison. But Tortuga was the one place he always returned to; just like it was the first place he had entered after he was left to die by Barbossa.

Entering the Faithful Bride, he ordered, again more out of habit than anything else, a bottle of rum. Then he sat down in the shadows of an empty corner, a place normally reserved for men who don't want company or need to make some serious plans. Jack stared into the distance, not even noticing the noises around from fighting people and the odd look the waitress gave him when she brought him a second bottle of rum.

Memories of a time eleven years ago flooded Jack's mind. He'd come to this very same tavern ordered some rum and he had sat down on exactly the same spot. There was only one slight difference: he hadn't been alone then. One man had sat across from him, gazing with weathering eyes into his own alcohol filled mug. Joshamee Gibbs. It was there the two men had first met. Gibbs had grown fond of Jack, like a son, despite his lack of trust towards other human beings.

They had started talking and continued doing so until the early hours. Gibbs had talked about his former job at the Royal Navy and how he slowly realized that these high and mighty British Officers weren't much better than any visitor to Tortuga. In fact, they were probably worse as at least no one in Tortuga considered his or herself a saint and looked down on you. No. His Majesty's Royal Navy was far too perfect. Hypocrite's the lot of them. They hid behind their failures by placing blame on their inferior officers. Well, in Gibbs's book, that made THEM the inferior's. Not the other way around.

After Gibbs finished, Jack had talked about Barbossa's betrayal, Bootstraps friendship and the loss of his Pearl. They commiserated their sorrows that night in copious amounts of rum. Together they cursed the world and every living creature in it, lamenting the unfairness of it all.

Their friendship had started that night and had only grown closer over the years. That is, until recently. Jack sighed. Gibbs probably hated him now, if the good man was still alive.

"Jack the betrayer, Jack the untrustworthy," chanted the voice happily in his head. "Jack the murderer of his friends…"

~*~

Will was sitting with his back against the bars of the brig down in the Pearl. Elizabeth was lying in his lap, one of her hands idly playing with his hair.

It seemed that the only luck that they had had so far was that Toomey had no idea that the 'pirate whore dressed up as a filthy lad' was none other than the Governor's daughter, and Will was really thankful for that. Although once Toomey was going to pay for all the filthy insults he had thrown at Elizabeth so far.

At this moment though, Will was bored out of his mind. Just like his last trip in the brig of the Pearl there was no chance of escape. He sighed. And, just like that last trip, he found himself sharing the confines of the Pearl's brig with Gibbs, Anamaria and the rest of Jack's crew. They were locked up in a cell across from his. The only difference though was the addition of his fiancée And to be honest: Will would have been much more relieved if his future wife would have been safe at home, under the care of Norrington and his men.

To pass the time they exchanged stories. In the beginning it was mainly Gibbs who did the talking. To the young blacksmith's surprise it wasn't a story without giant sea turtles and ropes of human hair. Instead, he had told how Jack had decided not to fight and to save his crew and ship. With worry in his eyes and voice, the Pearl's quartermaster recalled the terror in Jack's eyes when he had discovered that the captain of the rival ship was Toomey. And he told how Toomey had used Jack to keep them under control, by threatening to do horrendous things to the pirate captain.

"Not that it mattered much." Gibbs finished.

Then Will and Elizabeth had told their tale. About how they had sailed to Port Maison, helped Jack escape and the weird state of mind Jack was in. When they talked about how Jack had attacked Elizabeth and later how they had fallen into the hands of Toomey, several pirates shook their heads in despair.

"'E's finally gone nutters," whispered one of them.

"Shiver me timbers!"

"Cotton's right!" Gibbs added. "Jack 'as been called nutters b'fore, but 'e's always proved them wrong."

Will wasn't entirely sure if he agreed with that, but it was a strangely comforting thought. Maybe all was not lost just yet. Maybe Jack wasn't insane after all.

But there still was doubt. Doubt that had started as soon as Elizabeth had told him how Jack had sneaked away in the night. A little voice in the back of his head was telling him that he should have suspected something. That same little voice that made him hate pirates in general when he was only a lad.

When he was picked up out of the sea by, at that time still, Captain Norrington, the Governor and Elizabeth, he had been a young, scared lad. Nightmares plagued him for months about the ship he'd traveled on. Dreams about the darkness of the sea that was swallowing him, about the fire that slowly ate away his watery home. And lastly, most horrific, he dreamt of the pirates that had hunted him with intent to kill. It was that very same fear that drove him to practice three hours a day to kill a pirate as soon as he met one. Who knew that a pirate would become closer to him than a brother? Jack.

Jack had risked that, he'd defied Will's inner voice disappear.

In his own unique manner Jack had convinced him that not all pirates were the same, that there were good men among them. During the pirates' rare visits, after his grand escape from Port Royal, he talked a lot and Will loved the stories that the pirate captain told them.

But now the very same pirate, now friend, had re-awoken that voice again. Jack had become exactly what Will had hated about pirates. As soon as things looked bad, he had disappeared like a thief in the night.

Will didn't want to talk about it. Not even with Elizabeth. He thought she would probably understand him, but he couldn't bring himself to confess his doubts towards his friend. So he kept them to himself. Instead, he found comfort in the kind words about Jack by Gibbs.

Will hadn't even noticed that Elizabeth was awake. She had been lying in his lap with her eyes closed and when she stopped playing with his hair he had simply assumed she had fallen asleep. Truthfully, she had been thinking. And that prompted her to ask the most obvious question, one no one else had thought to ask.

"Do any of you know anything about Toomey?" she asked.

Sitting up straight, she turned her attention to the pirates. Uncomfortably they look at another, then one by one all eyes rested on Anamaria. Challenging she meets Elizabeth's eyes before she replied.

"I knew 'im. But tha' s not my tale to tell. Jack never liked talking bout 'is past and I'm no' sure if he would want me to tell it."

The two women kept looking at each other as if they wanted to find out who was the stronger. Silence seemed to grow and hung like a thick blanket over the room.

"I see. What can you tell us?"

The air seemed to clear a bit when Elizabeth politely asked the question. There seemed to be an understanding between the two, a sort of respect for each other.

"Toomey wants revenge on Jack. But what Jack did to him was within his rights."

That's all she says, but it seems enough. For now.

"Ay, lad. How did ye know Jack was in trouble?" Gibbs interrupted.

In disbelief both Will and Elizabeth looked at him.

"But… but I thought you were the one that sent us Jack's hat?" Elizabeth managed.

"Hat?" This answer clearly pointed out that it wasn't Gibbs who'd done that. Anamaria sudden seemed to turn a couple of shades redder.

"Ana?" Gibbs turns to her with a raised eyebrow. "Did you send them Jack's hat?"

"Aye. I… I just thought that somebody should 'elp him!" For a moment Ana looked miserably at her hands. But only for a moment. Soon, her normal spirit was back and she looked Gibbs in the eye.

"How did you do that?"

"I sent Cotton's parrot away with it. It's a smart bird!" Ana said in defense of the parrot.

"Why didn't you just send us a letter?" Will inquired.

A definite blush crept up the female pirate's face, "Can't write, mate."

Will and Elizabeth exchanged looks of disbelief.

"But Gibbs can!" She added. This time it was Gibbs' turn to turn a couple of shades redder.

All the pirates turned to Gibbs.

"Ye can write?" Marty asked.

"Aye."

"Why didn't ye tell us b'fore?!" Ladbroc continued.

The quartermaster shuffled uneasily. "I made the mistake of tellin' someone once. I still 'ave the scars on me back from the fight that followed to tha' announcement. Pirates don' generally like people who can write." When Gibbs noticed Will and Elizabeth's confusion, he added, "They all think tha' as soon as you can write ye belong with the British Navy. Jack could get away with it cause 'es the cap'n. But 'e didn't want it to be common knowledge anyway."

'This is just great,' Will thought sarcastically. 'And Jack dared to say I was the stupid one. Seems to me that he makes a point of collecting as many stupid people around him as possible and than be King Stupid himself.'

~*~

During the many hours Jack sat at the Faithful Bride, the bottle of rum before him went untouched. In fact, he hadn't moved since he sat down in the empty corner. But through the haze of self-doubt and misery, some words filtered through and brought him out of his daze rather quickly.

"… Pearl."

At first, Jack thought it was just the voice changing tactics, thus trying to sound different. But, the longer he sat and listened the 'voice' continued singing his 'Jack is a murderer' song until he realized that he has, in fact, heard it right.

"I've 'eard that Toomey is going t' hunt for that fool Sparrow soon again. Probably going to use those friends o' his to get 'im. Stupid fool that Sparrow is. Worst pirate I've ever 'eard off. Ye should think 'e would 'ave learned no' to trust anybody and certainly not to become good friends with people. As pirate ye only bring them in danger."

Careful not to draw attention to himself, Jack eyed the two dirty sitting at the bar, emptying one mug after another.

"'ello luv," one of them yelled at a passing whore, "Time for good ol' Jonathan?"

"If'n ye pay," the whore quickly replied, "and ye could buy me a drink for starters."

Jonathan grinned at his mate and showed the whore a hand full of large coins. "All for ye, luv, if ye go wit' me right now. Ye get yer drink afterwards. If I liked ye of course."

The very young girl took a good look at the gold in Jonathan's hand. Picking one piece up she bit down, testing its value then agreed. With the girl in the lead, she and Jonathan disappeared in the crowd. The one left behind emptied his mug then began searching the room, seemingly looking for his own bit of pleasurable company. Soon several females were waving temptingly at him and with a stupid grin on his face he followed two of them to a back room.

A fool. That was what they'd called him just then. After he'd gotten the Pearl back from Barbossa, he couldn't walk into a bar without being offered free drinks and free female company, as long as he told his little adventure. Now he was reduced to 'the worst pirate ever', again. Miserably he stared into the distance. It was true.

"'Ello, Cap'n Jack Sparrow," a soft voice whispered in his ear. Too lost in his thought he hadn't seen the blond female approach. It took him a moment before he could place a name with the face. Giselle.

Giselle chose this time to seat herself right next to the pirate captain, letting her right arm drape around his shoulders. Slowly her left hand traveled down following the skinny lines of Jack's chest. For a moment she frowned when her fingertips discover some small wounds on Jack's chest, but than she shrugs. He is a pirate after all.

"I almost didn't recognize ye, Cap'n," again she whispered. She has learned two things during the visits of Jack. One, he paid much more if you called him Captain Jack Sparrow all the time and two, he preferred it if she whispered since she was fully aware how he normally hated the piercing sound of her voice. She had long forgotten already about the time she had slapped him, since she had a weak spot for the eccentric pirate. And that was not only because he paid good (although it was a main reason). In an odd sort of way he always treated her like a real lady, whispering silly words in her ear and once he even read her a poem.

"I've 'eard stories that ye'd disappeared. You almost had me worried, Captain, but luckily I know that ye can even trick the devil 'imself." Her left hand has found her way trough Jack's hair, touching the various trinkets hidden in it.

Jack still didn't reply. Normally he would have said something by now; preferably that he was captain Jack Sparrow and that she should have known better than to think that he would suddenly disappear without taking her with him. His dark eyes stared in almost shock at her.

"What's wrong, J-- Captain? Aren't ye happy t' see me?" Giselle pouted, knowing that this normally should form some sort of reaction. And of course this time is no difference. Suddenly Jack's hands come up, one firmly bandaged, and grasping her face, he pulled her into the most passionate kiss Giselle had ever experienced.

"Thank ye, luv." In a swift move he stands on his feet again, leaving, for once, Giselle completely dumbfounded.


With long and confident strokes Jack walks back to the Freedom. He had to get to Port Royal, cause beware…

Captain Jack Sparrow had a plan.

_______

Next chapter is probably going to take some time, since this and next month I will be extremely busy with my study if I want to somehow survive this year. But I will write, don't worry about that! It keeps my mind of things :)

And for the ones interested: I've written a one-shot fic called 'Seansons Change' and will probably come up with some more short stories these months.

Elven-Star-of-Gold - Sorry about the grammer mistakes, dear. I do my best and so does my beta, but of course there probably always be mistakes :)

Morph - Thank you!

Shaz1 - I'm going to catch up reading with your story really soon. Thanks for reading mine

Chem - I'm relieved that you like it. I was a bit worried about my explanation for Bootstraps name

Pigwidgeon - Your review really made me blush!

LoneGunGirl88 - I wish I could update more often as well. It's simply due to lack of time that I can't

Lykosdracos - You are a real sweetheart! And I must say your reviews are most of the time hilarious ;)