A/N: I'd like to thank Jennifer and Snot Face um…I mean Lyn for there reviews. AlsoI noticed I didn't include a disclaimer and seeing as I don't want to get sued over this crappy story here goes:

Disclaimer: Neither I or Pinko own any characters, setting, props um…weather patterns included in any Harry Potter book and/or movie. J.K gets to keep them all to herself…greedy cow!

Chapter 2: 'So She Was Like 'Uh-Huh & And I Was Like 'No Way'…'

(P.S again the chapter title has NOTHING to do with the contents of this chapter I just wanted to keep you bemused)

"What's going on?" Harry asked trying his best to hide his terror.

"Well it seems that Ron added Gridilow powder instead of Griffin blood to the mixture, making a new strain of Merger potion" Snape uttered with the same gleeful and slightly scary smile.

'Ow, ow was it anything like this –'

Pinko makes a scary/gleeful smile…with lots of teeth and her tongue poking in and out like a deranged lizard.

'Um…no Pinko'

"Congratulation you two can now class yourselves as inventors…or should I say inventor, I can't imagine how we are EVER going separate you two" He continued.

"You're loving this aren't you, you sick…" Started Harry.

However before he could finish his insult Professor McGonagall entered the room.

She took one look at Harry & Ron, turned around and exited the room.

"Thanks for the help" Yelled Harry after her.

Within mere second Dumbledore entered the tense potion room.

"Severus, Minerva appears to have gone in search of the liquor cabinet can you please stop her before she causes…a scene!"  Dumbledore stated with slight disproval in his voice.

'Really your gunna go with every other fanfic and make Minerva a wino?'

'Yeah…what's your point?'

'Nothing, nothing…you do know that this makes you a crap author right?!'

'Ow yeah I know'

'Ow good'

Everybody remembered McGonagall's last bender. Several students had found her semiconscious in the girl's bathroom. Her head half in and half out of a toilet bowl and singing Grease anthems.

"Ow but I wanna stay" Snape uttered like a child who had been ordered to his room.

Dumbledore gave Snape one of his don't-mess-with-me looks, and the potions master promptly left the room.

During this time Harry had managed to get himself and Ron to their feet, however because they where joined shoulder blade to shoulder blade Harry was forced to stand on tip-toes.

Dumbledore looked at the two boys.

"Explain" He finishing with an over exaggerated sigh.

A few minutes later Dumbledore had his explanation.

"So what do we do?" Asked Harry while trying to tame Ron from aimlessly wandering around the classroom. Harry was quite sure he didn't even notice that they where attached to each other.

"Well, the last of the antidote was used on Neville after he merged with that ferret last week besides I don't think what we had would be strong enough" Said Dumbledore quite calmly.

"…um…so this means what exactly?" Said Harry through gritted teeth, if Dumbledore didn't give him some answers he was gunna have to get sober on his ass.

'Um…he'd have to get SOBER on his ass what the fuck does that mean?'

'Well Pinko, you know how fond I am of my thesaurus…'

Fri strokes her thesaurus tenderly.

'And it said that sober is a synonym of serious, yup I thought it was soberly weird as well'

'Ow dear god that was a crap joke Fri'

"Well Hazza it means you're screwed" Dumbledore smiled at him and attempted to leave the room.

"Ow no you don't Grandpa…" However before Harry could finish whatever sentence I was planning on writing before this idea popped into my head, Dumbledore grabbed him (and Ron I guess) and roughly put a hand over Harry's mouth.

"Harry for the love of Merlin's beard what do you think you're doing giving away the plotlines of book 7" Dumbledore roared (hay that almost rhymes…sorry).

"What?" Harry said in a muffled tone.

"You know, in the seventh book you discover I am you grandfather, Hermione who you have incidentally fallen in love with is your sister, Mad-Eye Moody is a Jedi master who teaches you how to harness – The Force – and that you are the most powerful Je- um…wizard EVER" Dumbledore reeled off all this expecting Harry to know what he's on about.

"Dude…either they need to up your medication or this is the wrong fic" Harry said. However he was sure Dumbledore wasn't listening to him; instead Dumbledore was wandering around the class room in slow motion with his arms swinging wildly making an odd 'Shroom' noise.

(I would like to add that is what happens when you spend to much time on IMDB…um writing nonsense I mean not pretending you have a sabre)

"Anyway" Said Dumbledore shaking himself from his trance.

"Come on we're into the second chapter and we haven't even left this room, get on with the plot" Ron yelled…then he returned to thinking of an appropriate name for his belly button.

'That was out of character wasn't it boys and girls'

'Ow, ow, is Ron going to turn out to be really philosophical and intelligent by the end of this fic'

'No Pinko, I just realised Ron hadn't said anything yet in this chapter'

'Ow…'

"Yes, well I suppose we could call Fudge and see if the Ministry has any Merger potion antidote left" Dumbledore said while trying to figure out what the last few paragraphs were all about.

Suddenly Fudge apparated into the room.

"Sorry we're all out" He said and then disappeared.

"Um, I thought Hogwarts had a spell on it so that people couldn't apparate into it" Harry said bemused.

"Yes well that bastard salesman confused me, 60% off the total price or front of the castle for free when you pay for the back and don't get me started on the whole pay no money for the first year until we send you a bill that will give you a coronary" Dumbledore muttered bitterly.

"So in other words anybody can apparate into Hogwarts" Harry asked.

 "…and what the fuck do they mean when they say you can pay over a period of 60 or 120 months why don't they just say years for fucks sake…um yes that mean anybody can apparate into Hogwarts"

Queue random Voldemort appearance number one.

Suddenly Voldemort randomly appears in the room.

"Hahahaha you are mine Harry Potter…" He made a weak lunge for Harry. However Dumbledore smacked him on the side of head and the rather stunned Voldemort just paused mid lunge.

"Sod off Tom this really isn't a good time besides aren't you suppose to be planning your uprising?" Dumbledore stated.

Voldemort straightened himself and turned around to Dumbledore.

"Are you kidding me? The whole thing is doing my head in I mean all I wanna do is take over the wizarding world and eradicate my sworn enemies but those bastard Death Eaters are still going on about changing there names they say Death Eater is too soft and kiddie-ish and Lucius is making matching costumes can you believe it" Voldemort finally finished and Dumbledore gently patted him on the back.

"There, there run along you can dismember Harry tomorrow" He said pinching Voldemort's cheeks.

"Kay" And with that Voldemort vanished.

"Well I guess that means Severus is going to have to make a new potion to separate you two I'll get him to start on it tomorrow" Dumbledore said completely ignoring what had just happened.

"WHAT TWO CHAPTER TWO FUCKING CHAPTERS WHERE DEVOTED TO YOUR SINILITY AND THE AUTHORS WARPED SENSE OF STORY TELLING JUST FOR YOU TO TELL US THAT SNAPE IS GUNNA MAKE THE POTION" Harry erupted.

"Yep pretty much" Dumbledore said while nodding his head.

"Ok then I'm to tired to care lets go Ron" Harry said pulling Ron away from something shiny in the corner. However because Ron was taller and stronger then Harry he managed to take the lead forcing Harry to walk backwards behind him. Ron walked over to the door, Harry tiptoed.  Ron grabbed the handle on the door and tugged…the door didn't budge. He pulled again but harder this time, again nothing.

"COME ON YOU SON OF A BITCH WHORE BASTARD WANK JOB OF A DOOR" Ron screamed, he had put one foot half way up the door and the other on the wall next to it and he was tugging with all his might.

"Um…Ron you have to push it" Harry said putting his head in his hands, this was going to be a long LONG day"

Next Chapter: 'Papa Smurf Can I Lick Your Ass'

A/N: My god that was a long chapter sorry I was kinda on a roll sorry. By the way I don't know if I'm going to turn that random Voldemort appearance into a recurring theme or not so tell me if you liked it not. Ow and the chapter titles are just to keep you entertained so the next chapter won't have any Papa Smurf/Smufete naughtiness.

P.S if the language offends anybody then fuck you mo'fo I'll write what I damned liked just kiddin yah, the rating is there for a reason.