Title: Shuichi's Chase Of The Natural Goodness Of Maine
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Screw this. Is there really any romantic shit going on? NO!! So I'm not going to fill this out no more. In your face, you bastards from LYPD Green! But... There are going to be non-cannon pairings and changes in the future, so please look out.
Summary: The result of OD's of sugar, TV, and milk, the strange writer, HULY has created yet another odd adventure that erases the line between so bad it's funny and so funny it's bad. When Shuichi receives a bottle of milk from an American Bad Luck fan, he decides that it's the best thing ever. (Other than Yuki, Ryuichi, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, and Yuki, that is) After his idol tries some, the both set off on a quest; to get more Oakhurst milk, which is only available in one of the united states furthest from Japan: Maine. Now, we all know how stupid Shuichi and Ryuichi can be, and we're not alone. Yuki and Tatsuha also know this. And Tohma just wants an excuse to stalk Yuki. Now, this chapter is a special chapter, and it explains everything you wanted to know, but didn't.
Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Kami-sama. I mean, Murakami-sama, but hell. What's the difference?
Warnings: The consumption of meat and not in a sexual way. Why am I warning you about this? Well, because I know three vegetarians are reading this. Raynedark, Sage Cedar, and me. Oh, and another warning: brief reviewer bashing. Not just of one of you, but every single one. I still love you guys, though. Urm... Guys and girls and my dog, Tea. (And that's pronounced TAY-YUH. Like the evil Anzu in the Yu-Gi-Oh dub.)
Key: :: Yuki's thoughts :: No Shu-chan POV or other POV for this chappie.
And before I respond to your reviews, I would just like to say this.
This.
Okay, on to your reviews...
Chibi-Inu-Yokai - Hey there, koi. Shuichi is funny when hyper and tell Kikyou and Kagome I say hi, too, and that I'm underage, so I'm not. Waaa... I'll read Legend Of The Hanyou once I've read more of Inuyasha, 'cause I don't want anymore spoilers than I've already got. Glad you like the story!
Ashura Akuma - There may not be anymore of that last extra, but there is more of Shuichi's Chase. Glad you liked the Seguchi's house of hell thing!
Raynedark - They will find the milk eventually. No one should live without milk. NO ONE!!!! I cry at the thought of a milk-deprived person. But don't throw away anymore milk in the reviews you give me. I love milk, as you know, and I find that offensive.
Sage Cedar - Glad you liked it and that I'm rubbing off on you! BTW, that game you gave me won't work for me. That sucks...
Darklore Wings - ...Are you going to want to finish the remixes?
And before I stop procrastinating, I'd just like to remind you that I write many varieties of stories - the majority of which are Gravitation - and you don't read them. So read them! That is not a request. Like the "Everybody Dance Now" chick, I am ordering you to read my other stories when you see them. And, if possible, watch I Love The 90's reruns and Michael Ian Black. YAY MICHAEL!!!
---
This chapter is dedicated to the person I love the most, despite her not noticing it for ages.
Uh... What should I call you?
I'd think, but it's not good for me, as you know.
Well, you know who you are, so, yeah.
Sorry about letting my sadistic side have the better of me for ages!
Thanks for curin' my block!
Love ya!
Hope ya appreciate the update!
---
Chapter Seven: Your Questions Answered In The Form Of A Dream-Flashback Thingy!
(A/N: Oops... Sorry. Here's what the REAL title is.)
The Chapter That Really Isn't One And Is Just An Update That Goes Along Kinda With The Story line The Questions Answered That You Idiots Were Too Dumb To Ask Me In The Form Of The Chinese Food Incident Which Probably No One Remembers Or Even Noticed From Chapter One And Is In No Way Related To That Dumb Remake Of Freaky Friday And I Just Love Making Long Chapter Names Wee Hoo Hoo If You Read This Whole Thing Congrats You're Cool And I Miss My Godzilla Backpack With My Tamaguchis Waaa I'm Sad And Nostalgic Though The Anti Is A Good Song And I'm Going To Stop Now Before I Lose Any More Reviewers
---
Explanation:
You might be wondering what the chapter name is about. Well, most of it is just really random things I put in 'cause I'm weird. But the stuff about you people were too stupid - or polite - to point out.
Such as, Tatsuha calling Yuki onichan. Tatsuha SHOULD only call him that when he's sucking up.
And, the real thing that made me doubt your intelligence, the fact that Ryuichi can't speak English, even though he can properly translate the note that Shuichi gave him. And on top of that, according to the third Gravi book, Ryuichi speaks English better than he does Japanese. Jeez, people! How could you not notice THAT?! And I thought you guys were more intelligent than average humans.
I'll bet you think I'm really smart, testing you by putting in those crafty mistakes.
Um... If you think that, you're more dumb than I thought.
'Cause guess what?! They're just really stupid mistakes that I made that I feel I should make up for and via the briefly mentioned Chinese Food incident.
So, uh, yeah. Here it is. Just enjoy or whatever.
---
"Yuukiiiiiii... Why do I have to come to Seguchi-san's and Mika-san's anniversary?"
Shuichi pulls at the tie around his neck.
I glance at him in the mirror.
"If you want to be my lover, you've gotta get with my family.
"Make it last forever, ya mean? 'Cause family never ends, right?"
He grins at me happily.
"Uh... No, it's more like you have to share the pain. Especially after all the crap you put me through."
His smiling face turns into a sobbing one.
A really cute sobbing one.
:: Ah, sweet sadism. ::
"Look," I roll my eyes, still fixing my collar. "All you've gotta do there is shut up, look cute, tell 'em your order, and eat their food."
"But-" The genki that was there returns to Shuichi's face. "Wait, there's food? What kind?"
"Chinese, you little fucking glutton." I turn away from the mirror and glare at him.
He sticks out his tongue angrily.
And we both know that we care.
- At the restaurant... -
"Hello." An obviously Chinese woman bows to me, smiling. "And how is I to be seating you?"
"We're with the Seguchi party." I tell her, not trying to hide any annoyance I feel towards her horrible grammar.
"Ah. Is to be being 5th wedding party, yes?"
(A/N: No clue on how long the fruitcake and Mika've been married. Sorry.)
"Uh... Yeah. Could you just show us where they are?"
:: Ha fucking ha. These people don't no diddly shit about Japanese. ::
"Oh, I is being sorry. No me can doing. You is could being evil stalker monster psycho. You no come in with party, you no be seated."
And she says it all with a smile.
:: WHAT THE HELL?! ::
"Listen, y-"
Before I can even start to express my extreme hatred for this McDonalds-brand bitch, Shuichi cuts in.
"LISTEN UP, YOU MEANIE SKIRT LADY!!! I WANNA EAT, AND WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT I WANT, PEOPLE GET THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF THEM BY YUKI!!!"
"I is no to be knowing what you say. If you not be minding, you is be could repeating that, yes?"
She's still smiling.
Shuichi's still hungry.
And I'm still pissed.
"Oh, Shindou-san! I thought I heard you." My stalker's cousin seems to appear out of nowhere. "What's wrong?"
"This lady won't lemme eat 'cause we is could being evil stalker monster psychos 'cause we no come in with party so we no be seated!"
"Is that all?" Fujisaki turns to the woman and says something in Chinese.
She says something too, and they both laugh.
"Go, go to your cousin you being with your friends."
"Thank you so very much!"
Fujisaki turns and walks away, while Shuichi and I follow.
"Hey Suguru."
"Yes, Eiri-san?"
"What'd you say to her?"
"Oh, I just told her that I know where she lives and I'd make her suffer until the end of eternity if she didn't let you come with me."
"Jeez... That's it?"
"I already blackmailed the valet, the busboy, two janitors, and all the chefs, so I'm kinda dried up on threats."
"Oh. Okay. Whatever."
We arrive to a full table.
Tohma sniffs the air.
"Is that..." He looks at me. "Eiri-san! I thought I smelled you! C'mon, have a seat next to me!"
:: He can smell me? ::
"Uh... But there aren't any free seats next to you."
"Of course there aren't! You can sit on my lap, okay?"
He smiles at me hopefully.
I notice a silently waving Tatsuha, pointing to two empty seats next to him.
"Thanks, but no thanks."
I grab Shuichi and quickly go over to my brother.
As we sit down, I let out a sigh of relief.
"I really saved your pretty, little writer's ass there, didn't I, aniki?"
"Did you honestly think I'd sit in that chick-dude's lap?! Are you fucking high?!"
"....Maybe."
"Yuuuukiiiiiiiiiii..." Shuichi pulls at my sleeve. "I'm hungry. When's the food gonna get here?"
"Like I have any fucking clue. You know, Tatsuha?"
"Beats the hell outa me. Mika and Tohma preordered, like, last week or somethin', so I've got no fucking clue when or what the food is."
I twitch at his error in grammar.
"There is no such thing as 'when the food is,' you mongoloid."
"You fucking write too much, you know that? Nobody can make one fucking mistake without you freaking your ass off and telling us to shove a dictionary up our own."
"And I care why?!"
"I could care less about you caring."
"Which means you DO care if I care or not."
"Would you fucking shut up?!"
"No."
"FINE!"
"Whatever."
"...Did Shuichi go to the bathroom or somethin'?"
"I dunno. Why?"
"'Cause he sure as shit Aint here."
"He'll back back in a few minutes."
"'Kay. Whatever you say, aniki."
And with that, we glare at the walls.
Both pissed for separate reasons.
Three seconds go by, and I begin to wonder where the fuck that goddammed punk's gone off to.
And I'm not worried. I just wanna fucking know.
Before I can ponder all the possible disasters he could've - and probably has - gotten himself into, I hear that familiar happy voice that my brother adores so much.
"HEY THERE, EVERYBODY NA NO DA!!!!"
The genki-filled 31-year-old idol of my lover bounces over and sits down across from Tatsuha and I. He also carefully places his stuffed rabbit in the chair next to him.
"Eh? Yuki-san? Where's Shuichi na no ka? Kumagoro's curious 'cause Shuichi is always with meanie pants Yuki no da."
"I dunno."
"Huh?! Yuki-san! You're a bad lover no da! Shuichi could be in real danger! Don't you care na no ka?"
"No, not really. If you're so worried, then why don't you go look for him?"
"Great idea na no da!" Sakuma Ryuichi picks up his little stuffed friend. "C'mon, Kumagoro-kun! We've gotta go save Shuichi no da!"
:: Why the hell is it named "Mister Bear" if it's a rabbit? ::
"Aren't you gonna come with us, Yuki-san no ka? 'Cause it'd be mean if ya didn't."
"I really couldn't care less about Shuichi Shindou at the moment, but what the fucking hell?"
"YUKI-SAN!!!" He covers up the rabbit's ears. "Kumagoro isn't s'posed ta hear that sorta language no da!"
"Whatever. Do you want to find Shuichi or not?"
"A'course I do! But we need one more person to join us no da."
Tatsuha is already way ahead of Ryuichi and standing right behind him.
"I'll come with you!"
"Sugoi!" Ryuichi waves his hand in the air energetically. "Tohma! Me, Tatsuha-san, Yuki-san, and Kumagoro-kun are gonna find Shuichi!"
"Eh? Is Shindou-san missing?"
"Yup!"
"WHAAAAAT?!" yell more than one of the people present.
"S-Shuichi's gone?!" Hiroshi slams his fist against the table. "Dammit! I just KNOW Taki had something to do with this!"
"HOW COULD SHINDOU-KUN GO MISSING?!" Seguchi's dog boy starts to wail. "WE HAVEN'T FINISHED THE NEW ALBUM YET!!!!"
"So... Shuichi chickened out on us, huh?" Mister K takes a gun out of God knows where. "I'll teach that little fuck a lesson or two."
"Sucks for you." Fujisaki shrugs.
Everyone glares at him.
"Why don't all you boys go looking for him?" Mika suggests. "Otou-san, Ayaka-chan, Noriko-chan, and I'll just stay here."
My father gives her an unappreciative glance and eats a piece of chicken.
(A/N: EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all the meat you will find in this chapter. Thank Utena for that!)
"Cool no da!" Ryuichi smiles happily. "Now we're sure to find Shuichi na no da!"
:: Now we've got me, Tatsuha, Sakuma, Suguru, K, Sakano, Tohma, Nakano, and that fucking little pink rabbit on a search party for my idiot of a lover. ::
:: I'll bet he's just on the fucking shitter or something. ::
:: This is so damn stupid... ::
"So..." Nakano starts "Where should we look first?"
"The bathroom, of course." Fujisaki says, clearly annoyed.
:: My thoughts exactly. Thank you, God, for blessing me with this person who finds Shuichi as much of an ass as I do and also has more than six brain cells! ::
"Good idea!" Shuichi's manager says in English, smiling and still brandishing his gun. "Come along, everyone! Let's get cracking!"
-In the men's room...-
"He's not here."
"No shit, Sherlock." Fujisaki snaps. "Now let's get a move on. I don't think this bathroom is supposed to hold this many fucking people!"
"Really, Fujisaki-kun?" says a very happy Tohma, squished against me. "I'm quite comfortable. And if we were doing that, I'm quite sure we could fit then..."
There are a number of shudders and winces across the room, and surprisingly enough, none from Seguchi's clone.
:: Maybe I shouldn't be glad that he's around... ::
"OKAY!!! Let's just get the hell out of here and go look in the kitchen." Another clearly annoyed and disgusted person, Nakano, who is smushed behind my brother, glares around the room. "I know Shuichi, and what he likes is food."
"Okay! Let's go!" The American leads the way again, this time to the kitchen across the hall.
A number of people about to go to the rest room, give us awkward looks, and back away.
Ignoring the innocent bystander, K pushes on the door to the food making room.
"It's locked."
"Sucks for you." Fujisaki says again, apathetically.
Yet again, he receives many unappreciative glares.
"Shuichi! Are you in there no ka?" calls Ryuichi.
There is a muffled voice from the other room, and the door swings open.
"Ranma?" asks a girl with long purple hair and two buns.
She blinks twice.
We blink twice.
"Have you seen my pico-pico friend Shu-chan no ka? He's got the same color hair as Kumagoro-kun!" Sakuma holds up his little pink friend. "He's missing na no da!"
"You no Ranma!" The girl glares at him. "Shampoo want Ranma, not pink rabbit boy!"
"Wait. Your name is Shampoo?" Fujisaki lets out a snort.
"Me Shampoo, yes. And you dead, yes."
With that, the girl named after shit you put in your hair blew some weird powder on us and we all fell unconscious.
-Lord knows how much later, in the kitchen, I think...-
I open my eyes, groggily, and find myself tied to someone.
"Wha--"
"Ah, Yuki-san! So you're the one I'm tied to!" I hear a laugh with a heavy American accent behind me. "Nice to know you're not Tohma!"
"Lucky for you guys..." says a very sad and disgusted Fujisaki.
"It's not like I want to be tied to YOU, you little brat." Tohma, for the first time that I've heard, actually sounds pissed and upset.
"Yukiiiiii?" That whiney voice is one I'd know anywhere. "Did I hear you? Yukiiiiiiiii..."
"Yes, now shut the fuck up and tell me what the hell is going on."
"I tell you." The Shampoo girl, who is now sitting on my head, sounds even more irked than Seguchi. "That little strawberry head boy ruin plan for be steal Ranma. And for that, Shampoo no let him or his friend peoples go."
"But then you'd be stuck with us." Nakano points out. "And us means Shuichi."
"Ooh... Good point you be having, yes. Hm... Maybe I just be put curse on you with thing I would be put on Akane."
She gets up and unties everyone, though we're all still petrified.
She then stands us all up in a line.
We're in the order of me, Shuichi, K, Sakano, Nakano, Sakuma and Mister Bear, Tohma, Tatsuha, and Fujisaki.
Shampoo stands in front of me.
"You I curse with writer wall at worst time possible." She then continues down the line, pouring some liquid on us at the same time. "You I curse with impotence every other time. You I curse with pervert son. You I curse with stalker. You I curse with permanent PMS girlfriend. You I curse with no speak ability of better language. You I curse with incest relations. You I curse with affection change at worst time possible and respect for your brother because you be say sick things in your sleep. And you I curse with happy smile for eight month."
:: So... I'm gonna get writer's block when I don't want it, Shuichi isn't gonna be good ever other time we screw, K's gonna get a horny kid, Sakano's gonna get a stalker, Ayaka's gonna be a bitch 24-7, Sakuma can't speak English any more, Tohma's do it with a member of his family, Tatsuha's gonna stop liking Ryuichi just when things are going his way and he has to respect me just because he was talking in his sleep. ::
Tohma is the only one who looks happy about his curse.
And so, that, we go on with our lives, not knowing when the curse is going to hit.
-And that's your explanation-
---
HULY: Okay. So the reason I've delayed continuing the story is I need to ask you all a question. Should I bring in the rest of the Bad Luck and NG crew - as in Noriko, K-san, Fujisaki, Hiroshi, and Sakano - with the POV of Hiro, or would that be too many people? Just wondering, 'cause that would confirm what the next chappie would be. If you don't answer, it's going on your record. I'm very sorry that this chapter was very flawed, but writer's block or not, I'm not very good at making a story at practically midnight after having two sleep overs in one week and going to a fair. And that - surprisingly enough - is basically all I have to say for now. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo and anyone else from Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. This is a rabid Tatsuha/Hiroshi fan signing off! Ja!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Screw this. Is there really any romantic shit going on? NO!! So I'm not going to fill this out no more. In your face, you bastards from LYPD Green! But... There are going to be non-cannon pairings and changes in the future, so please look out.
Summary: The result of OD's of sugar, TV, and milk, the strange writer, HULY has created yet another odd adventure that erases the line between so bad it's funny and so funny it's bad. When Shuichi receives a bottle of milk from an American Bad Luck fan, he decides that it's the best thing ever. (Other than Yuki, Ryuichi, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, and Yuki, that is) After his idol tries some, the both set off on a quest; to get more Oakhurst milk, which is only available in one of the united states furthest from Japan: Maine. Now, we all know how stupid Shuichi and Ryuichi can be, and we're not alone. Yuki and Tatsuha also know this. And Tohma just wants an excuse to stalk Yuki. Now, this chapter is a special chapter, and it explains everything you wanted to know, but didn't.
Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Kami-sama. I mean, Murakami-sama, but hell. What's the difference?
Warnings: The consumption of meat and not in a sexual way. Why am I warning you about this? Well, because I know three vegetarians are reading this. Raynedark, Sage Cedar, and me. Oh, and another warning: brief reviewer bashing. Not just of one of you, but every single one. I still love you guys, though. Urm... Guys and girls and my dog, Tea. (And that's pronounced TAY-YUH. Like the evil Anzu in the Yu-Gi-Oh dub.)
Key: :: Yuki's thoughts :: No Shu-chan POV or other POV for this chappie.
And before I respond to your reviews, I would just like to say this.
This.
Okay, on to your reviews...
Chibi-Inu-Yokai - Hey there, koi. Shuichi is funny when hyper and tell Kikyou and Kagome I say hi, too, and that I'm underage, so I'm not. Waaa... I'll read Legend Of The Hanyou once I've read more of Inuyasha, 'cause I don't want anymore spoilers than I've already got. Glad you like the story!
Ashura Akuma - There may not be anymore of that last extra, but there is more of Shuichi's Chase. Glad you liked the Seguchi's house of hell thing!
Raynedark - They will find the milk eventually. No one should live without milk. NO ONE!!!! I cry at the thought of a milk-deprived person. But don't throw away anymore milk in the reviews you give me. I love milk, as you know, and I find that offensive.
Sage Cedar - Glad you liked it and that I'm rubbing off on you! BTW, that game you gave me won't work for me. That sucks...
Darklore Wings - ...Are you going to want to finish the remixes?
And before I stop procrastinating, I'd just like to remind you that I write many varieties of stories - the majority of which are Gravitation - and you don't read them. So read them! That is not a request. Like the "Everybody Dance Now" chick, I am ordering you to read my other stories when you see them. And, if possible, watch I Love The 90's reruns and Michael Ian Black. YAY MICHAEL!!!
---
This chapter is dedicated to the person I love the most, despite her not noticing it for ages.
Uh... What should I call you?
I'd think, but it's not good for me, as you know.
Well, you know who you are, so, yeah.
Sorry about letting my sadistic side have the better of me for ages!
Thanks for curin' my block!
Love ya!
Hope ya appreciate the update!
---
Chapter Seven: Your Questions Answered In The Form Of A Dream-Flashback Thingy!
(A/N: Oops... Sorry. Here's what the REAL title is.)
The Chapter That Really Isn't One And Is Just An Update That Goes Along Kinda With The Story line The Questions Answered That You Idiots Were Too Dumb To Ask Me In The Form Of The Chinese Food Incident Which Probably No One Remembers Or Even Noticed From Chapter One And Is In No Way Related To That Dumb Remake Of Freaky Friday And I Just Love Making Long Chapter Names Wee Hoo Hoo If You Read This Whole Thing Congrats You're Cool And I Miss My Godzilla Backpack With My Tamaguchis Waaa I'm Sad And Nostalgic Though The Anti Is A Good Song And I'm Going To Stop Now Before I Lose Any More Reviewers
---
Explanation:
You might be wondering what the chapter name is about. Well, most of it is just really random things I put in 'cause I'm weird. But the stuff about you people were too stupid - or polite - to point out.
Such as, Tatsuha calling Yuki onichan. Tatsuha SHOULD only call him that when he's sucking up.
And, the real thing that made me doubt your intelligence, the fact that Ryuichi can't speak English, even though he can properly translate the note that Shuichi gave him. And on top of that, according to the third Gravi book, Ryuichi speaks English better than he does Japanese. Jeez, people! How could you not notice THAT?! And I thought you guys were more intelligent than average humans.
I'll bet you think I'm really smart, testing you by putting in those crafty mistakes.
Um... If you think that, you're more dumb than I thought.
'Cause guess what?! They're just really stupid mistakes that I made that I feel I should make up for and via the briefly mentioned Chinese Food incident.
So, uh, yeah. Here it is. Just enjoy or whatever.
---
"Yuukiiiiiii... Why do I have to come to Seguchi-san's and Mika-san's anniversary?"
Shuichi pulls at the tie around his neck.
I glance at him in the mirror.
"If you want to be my lover, you've gotta get with my family.
"Make it last forever, ya mean? 'Cause family never ends, right?"
He grins at me happily.
"Uh... No, it's more like you have to share the pain. Especially after all the crap you put me through."
His smiling face turns into a sobbing one.
A really cute sobbing one.
:: Ah, sweet sadism. ::
"Look," I roll my eyes, still fixing my collar. "All you've gotta do there is shut up, look cute, tell 'em your order, and eat their food."
"But-" The genki that was there returns to Shuichi's face. "Wait, there's food? What kind?"
"Chinese, you little fucking glutton." I turn away from the mirror and glare at him.
He sticks out his tongue angrily.
And we both know that we care.
- At the restaurant... -
"Hello." An obviously Chinese woman bows to me, smiling. "And how is I to be seating you?"
"We're with the Seguchi party." I tell her, not trying to hide any annoyance I feel towards her horrible grammar.
"Ah. Is to be being 5th wedding party, yes?"
(A/N: No clue on how long the fruitcake and Mika've been married. Sorry.)
"Uh... Yeah. Could you just show us where they are?"
:: Ha fucking ha. These people don't no diddly shit about Japanese. ::
"Oh, I is being sorry. No me can doing. You is could being evil stalker monster psycho. You no come in with party, you no be seated."
And she says it all with a smile.
:: WHAT THE HELL?! ::
"Listen, y-"
Before I can even start to express my extreme hatred for this McDonalds-brand bitch, Shuichi cuts in.
"LISTEN UP, YOU MEANIE SKIRT LADY!!! I WANNA EAT, AND WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT I WANT, PEOPLE GET THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF THEM BY YUKI!!!"
"I is no to be knowing what you say. If you not be minding, you is be could repeating that, yes?"
She's still smiling.
Shuichi's still hungry.
And I'm still pissed.
"Oh, Shindou-san! I thought I heard you." My stalker's cousin seems to appear out of nowhere. "What's wrong?"
"This lady won't lemme eat 'cause we is could being evil stalker monster psychos 'cause we no come in with party so we no be seated!"
"Is that all?" Fujisaki turns to the woman and says something in Chinese.
She says something too, and they both laugh.
"Go, go to your cousin you being with your friends."
"Thank you so very much!"
Fujisaki turns and walks away, while Shuichi and I follow.
"Hey Suguru."
"Yes, Eiri-san?"
"What'd you say to her?"
"Oh, I just told her that I know where she lives and I'd make her suffer until the end of eternity if she didn't let you come with me."
"Jeez... That's it?"
"I already blackmailed the valet, the busboy, two janitors, and all the chefs, so I'm kinda dried up on threats."
"Oh. Okay. Whatever."
We arrive to a full table.
Tohma sniffs the air.
"Is that..." He looks at me. "Eiri-san! I thought I smelled you! C'mon, have a seat next to me!"
:: He can smell me? ::
"Uh... But there aren't any free seats next to you."
"Of course there aren't! You can sit on my lap, okay?"
He smiles at me hopefully.
I notice a silently waving Tatsuha, pointing to two empty seats next to him.
"Thanks, but no thanks."
I grab Shuichi and quickly go over to my brother.
As we sit down, I let out a sigh of relief.
"I really saved your pretty, little writer's ass there, didn't I, aniki?"
"Did you honestly think I'd sit in that chick-dude's lap?! Are you fucking high?!"
"....Maybe."
"Yuuuukiiiiiiiiiii..." Shuichi pulls at my sleeve. "I'm hungry. When's the food gonna get here?"
"Like I have any fucking clue. You know, Tatsuha?"
"Beats the hell outa me. Mika and Tohma preordered, like, last week or somethin', so I've got no fucking clue when or what the food is."
I twitch at his error in grammar.
"There is no such thing as 'when the food is,' you mongoloid."
"You fucking write too much, you know that? Nobody can make one fucking mistake without you freaking your ass off and telling us to shove a dictionary up our own."
"And I care why?!"
"I could care less about you caring."
"Which means you DO care if I care or not."
"Would you fucking shut up?!"
"No."
"FINE!"
"Whatever."
"...Did Shuichi go to the bathroom or somethin'?"
"I dunno. Why?"
"'Cause he sure as shit Aint here."
"He'll back back in a few minutes."
"'Kay. Whatever you say, aniki."
And with that, we glare at the walls.
Both pissed for separate reasons.
Three seconds go by, and I begin to wonder where the fuck that goddammed punk's gone off to.
And I'm not worried. I just wanna fucking know.
Before I can ponder all the possible disasters he could've - and probably has - gotten himself into, I hear that familiar happy voice that my brother adores so much.
"HEY THERE, EVERYBODY NA NO DA!!!!"
The genki-filled 31-year-old idol of my lover bounces over and sits down across from Tatsuha and I. He also carefully places his stuffed rabbit in the chair next to him.
"Eh? Yuki-san? Where's Shuichi na no ka? Kumagoro's curious 'cause Shuichi is always with meanie pants Yuki no da."
"I dunno."
"Huh?! Yuki-san! You're a bad lover no da! Shuichi could be in real danger! Don't you care na no ka?"
"No, not really. If you're so worried, then why don't you go look for him?"
"Great idea na no da!" Sakuma Ryuichi picks up his little stuffed friend. "C'mon, Kumagoro-kun! We've gotta go save Shuichi no da!"
:: Why the hell is it named "Mister Bear" if it's a rabbit? ::
"Aren't you gonna come with us, Yuki-san no ka? 'Cause it'd be mean if ya didn't."
"I really couldn't care less about Shuichi Shindou at the moment, but what the fucking hell?"
"YUKI-SAN!!!" He covers up the rabbit's ears. "Kumagoro isn't s'posed ta hear that sorta language no da!"
"Whatever. Do you want to find Shuichi or not?"
"A'course I do! But we need one more person to join us no da."
Tatsuha is already way ahead of Ryuichi and standing right behind him.
"I'll come with you!"
"Sugoi!" Ryuichi waves his hand in the air energetically. "Tohma! Me, Tatsuha-san, Yuki-san, and Kumagoro-kun are gonna find Shuichi!"
"Eh? Is Shindou-san missing?"
"Yup!"
"WHAAAAAT?!" yell more than one of the people present.
"S-Shuichi's gone?!" Hiroshi slams his fist against the table. "Dammit! I just KNOW Taki had something to do with this!"
"HOW COULD SHINDOU-KUN GO MISSING?!" Seguchi's dog boy starts to wail. "WE HAVEN'T FINISHED THE NEW ALBUM YET!!!!"
"So... Shuichi chickened out on us, huh?" Mister K takes a gun out of God knows where. "I'll teach that little fuck a lesson or two."
"Sucks for you." Fujisaki shrugs.
Everyone glares at him.
"Why don't all you boys go looking for him?" Mika suggests. "Otou-san, Ayaka-chan, Noriko-chan, and I'll just stay here."
My father gives her an unappreciative glance and eats a piece of chicken.
(A/N: EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all the meat you will find in this chapter. Thank Utena for that!)
"Cool no da!" Ryuichi smiles happily. "Now we're sure to find Shuichi na no da!"
:: Now we've got me, Tatsuha, Sakuma, Suguru, K, Sakano, Tohma, Nakano, and that fucking little pink rabbit on a search party for my idiot of a lover. ::
:: I'll bet he's just on the fucking shitter or something. ::
:: This is so damn stupid... ::
"So..." Nakano starts "Where should we look first?"
"The bathroom, of course." Fujisaki says, clearly annoyed.
:: My thoughts exactly. Thank you, God, for blessing me with this person who finds Shuichi as much of an ass as I do and also has more than six brain cells! ::
"Good idea!" Shuichi's manager says in English, smiling and still brandishing his gun. "Come along, everyone! Let's get cracking!"
-In the men's room...-
"He's not here."
"No shit, Sherlock." Fujisaki snaps. "Now let's get a move on. I don't think this bathroom is supposed to hold this many fucking people!"
"Really, Fujisaki-kun?" says a very happy Tohma, squished against me. "I'm quite comfortable. And if we were doing that, I'm quite sure we could fit then..."
There are a number of shudders and winces across the room, and surprisingly enough, none from Seguchi's clone.
:: Maybe I shouldn't be glad that he's around... ::
"OKAY!!! Let's just get the hell out of here and go look in the kitchen." Another clearly annoyed and disgusted person, Nakano, who is smushed behind my brother, glares around the room. "I know Shuichi, and what he likes is food."
"Okay! Let's go!" The American leads the way again, this time to the kitchen across the hall.
A number of people about to go to the rest room, give us awkward looks, and back away.
Ignoring the innocent bystander, K pushes on the door to the food making room.
"It's locked."
"Sucks for you." Fujisaki says again, apathetically.
Yet again, he receives many unappreciative glares.
"Shuichi! Are you in there no ka?" calls Ryuichi.
There is a muffled voice from the other room, and the door swings open.
"Ranma?" asks a girl with long purple hair and two buns.
She blinks twice.
We blink twice.
"Have you seen my pico-pico friend Shu-chan no ka? He's got the same color hair as Kumagoro-kun!" Sakuma holds up his little pink friend. "He's missing na no da!"
"You no Ranma!" The girl glares at him. "Shampoo want Ranma, not pink rabbit boy!"
"Wait. Your name is Shampoo?" Fujisaki lets out a snort.
"Me Shampoo, yes. And you dead, yes."
With that, the girl named after shit you put in your hair blew some weird powder on us and we all fell unconscious.
-Lord knows how much later, in the kitchen, I think...-
I open my eyes, groggily, and find myself tied to someone.
"Wha--"
"Ah, Yuki-san! So you're the one I'm tied to!" I hear a laugh with a heavy American accent behind me. "Nice to know you're not Tohma!"
"Lucky for you guys..." says a very sad and disgusted Fujisaki.
"It's not like I want to be tied to YOU, you little brat." Tohma, for the first time that I've heard, actually sounds pissed and upset.
"Yukiiiiii?" That whiney voice is one I'd know anywhere. "Did I hear you? Yukiiiiiiiii..."
"Yes, now shut the fuck up and tell me what the hell is going on."
"I tell you." The Shampoo girl, who is now sitting on my head, sounds even more irked than Seguchi. "That little strawberry head boy ruin plan for be steal Ranma. And for that, Shampoo no let him or his friend peoples go."
"But then you'd be stuck with us." Nakano points out. "And us means Shuichi."
"Ooh... Good point you be having, yes. Hm... Maybe I just be put curse on you with thing I would be put on Akane."
She gets up and unties everyone, though we're all still petrified.
She then stands us all up in a line.
We're in the order of me, Shuichi, K, Sakano, Nakano, Sakuma and Mister Bear, Tohma, Tatsuha, and Fujisaki.
Shampoo stands in front of me.
"You I curse with writer wall at worst time possible." She then continues down the line, pouring some liquid on us at the same time. "You I curse with impotence every other time. You I curse with pervert son. You I curse with stalker. You I curse with permanent PMS girlfriend. You I curse with no speak ability of better language. You I curse with incest relations. You I curse with affection change at worst time possible and respect for your brother because you be say sick things in your sleep. And you I curse with happy smile for eight month."
:: So... I'm gonna get writer's block when I don't want it, Shuichi isn't gonna be good ever other time we screw, K's gonna get a horny kid, Sakano's gonna get a stalker, Ayaka's gonna be a bitch 24-7, Sakuma can't speak English any more, Tohma's do it with a member of his family, Tatsuha's gonna stop liking Ryuichi just when things are going his way and he has to respect me just because he was talking in his sleep. ::
Tohma is the only one who looks happy about his curse.
And so, that, we go on with our lives, not knowing when the curse is going to hit.
-And that's your explanation-
---
HULY: Okay. So the reason I've delayed continuing the story is I need to ask you all a question. Should I bring in the rest of the Bad Luck and NG crew - as in Noriko, K-san, Fujisaki, Hiroshi, and Sakano - with the POV of Hiro, or would that be too many people? Just wondering, 'cause that would confirm what the next chappie would be. If you don't answer, it's going on your record. I'm very sorry that this chapter was very flawed, but writer's block or not, I'm not very good at making a story at practically midnight after having two sleep overs in one week and going to a fair. And that - surprisingly enough - is basically all I have to say for now. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo and anyone else from Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. This is a rabid Tatsuha/Hiroshi fan signing off! Ja!