Space Case
By: Kaki-kun
Wow, look at all the nice reviewers :D Yay! gives reviewers cookies Tee! I'll thank you all individually next chapter! But for now, it's time for some more insanity! w00t!
Note: I edited this chapter because I noticed that I wrote it twice. Sorry I haven't been updating in FOREVER, I blame high school. x.x I added on more too, if you're wondering. ;)
Disclaimer: Since I forgot to do a disclaimer for the last two chapters, here: I own EVERYTHING! MUAHAHAHAHA! #(sirens come up to door and people in white coats march into room)# NO! I DOO!
DA Guy: It looks like you never recovered. Come on back...
Kaki: NOOOOO!
DA Guy: Alright. Say it.
Kaki: I OWN EVERYTHING!
Drone like people: Tisk tisk tisk.
Kaki: FINE! I'm Kaki and I...
DA Guy: Come on. You can do it.
Kaki: ...DON'T OWN ANYTHING! #(cries)#
Drone like people: Hi Kaki.
DA Guy: Welcome back to Disclaimer annon.
Kaki:'( I hate you people so much...
DA Guy: Yeah, we don't cover insanity or sadness.
"..." Speech
'...' Thoughts
... Stuffness
Chapter 4:Death by Beanie Babies
Only a few minutes after breaking threw the Earth's atmosphere...(10:39 a.m.)
"I CALL THIS ROOM!" Sakura yelled.
"I CALLED THAT ONE BEFORE YOU, DOG!"
"DID NOT!"
"Can everyone please just settle back-"
"OH WOW! TUBE FOOD IS EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED!"
"Please stop screamin-"
"LOOK! I'M A BIRD!" Lee floated in the air while spinning.
"WOW! HEY AKAMARU, WATCH THIS!" Kiba started doing summersaults in the air. Kurenai slammed her angry fist into a panel and suddenly everyone came crashing down to the ground.
"OW! Who brought their ninja stuff!" Tenten whined while mending a puncture from landing on someone's bag. No one answered.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP, SIT, AND CALM DOWN!" Everyone stared at Kurenai frightened, including Sasuke this time but no one noticed, and sat down. "Alright, no more anti-gravity until everything is under control!"
"That'll never happen..." Shika muttered.
"And no more yelling. If anyone is going to be yelling around here, it'll be me."
"How come you can yell then?" Ino snorted.
"Would any of you want to try to keep me from yelling?" The three men shook their heads frantically. "Good." Kurenai smirked and placed her hands on her hips. Well, at least everyone understood who exactly was in charge.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Oh please. These three elite ninja's, each individually more powerful than Kurenai, were afraid of her simply because she was a women? 'Ridiculous.'
That's when it happened. Both Sasuke and Shino snorted at the same time. They both paused to glare at each other before Kurenai interrupted their silent death sentences.
"Snort while you can. You too will succumb to the fear of women..." She laughed maniacally, causing the three men to cower and scurry over to the corner to tremble like good little boys. "First, in matter of the rooms, I have decided a way for everyone to get rooms fairly. Girls take one of your bags and put it on the right side of the room. Boys, you go into the hallway for a moment." Everyone looked at her questioningly but did as they were told. As soon as all the girls had placed their bags on the right side, Kurenai let the boys come in and sent the girls out. "Okay, do the same as the girls except put your bags on the left side." She said before pulling her head out of the room. They did so and everyone was back in the room again, even more puzzled than before. "Now, everyone take a random bag from the opposite side that you are on and put it down that hallway."
"Oh, now it makes sense..."
"I can easily tell which bag Sasuke's is! This one!" Sakura picked up a navy blue bag happily.
"Yeah right, this one has Sasuke written all over it!" Ino held up a black bag triumphantly. Both girls bickered some more before running down the boys hallway to pick the perfect room for their love... Tenten picked up a pink bag.
"Okay, which guy has a pink bag!" Everyone remained silent. "Fine, ignore me then!" She stormed off, feeling disappointed that she was so insignificant. If anyone else asked they would have answered probably.
"Which bag would be Sakura's!" Naruto frantically shuffled threw the variety of luggage.
"I bet this one is Sakura's!" Lee popped his head out of the pile and ran off.
"Aw man..." Naruto grabbed a random bag and trudged off, not realizing that WAS her bag. Kurenai grabbed a random bag but never managed to pull it off the ground with an easy pull. She looked bag down at the bag in surprise.
"Who was stupid enough to put a really heavy bag here?" Before any response was heard, Kakashi swiped his bag away from her and clutched it protectively against his chest.
"MINE!" He snarled. Everyone glanced at him strangely. "Of course there's nothing suspicious in my bag! What makes you think that?" Kurenai, Gai, and Asuma sweatdropped.
"Geez, don't tell me you brought THAT..."
"Stop assuming things! AND SHE'S NOT A THAT!" He hissed angrily.
"Uh-huh, sure Kakashi..." Soon everyone had put a bag somewhere except Kurenai, Kakashi would just get whatever room was leftover because she knew it was his bag.
"Alright, everyone else go get in your room and unpack. Do whatever you want but try to stay calm at least." The preteens decided this would be the best time to make their leave. So they did.
The men's eyes widened. The worst case scenario had become reality. Them. Alone. With Kurenai. In an evil mood. The same prey-like instinct hit all of their minds instantly.
Run!
Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai hurried to their feet and ran full dash to the door. Kurenai's eye gleamed as she reached out a hand and firmly grasped the collar of one of their green jackets. The other two successfully escaped the peril and continued to dash down the hallway. A cryfor mercy could be heard from all of the rooms as most of the Genins ignored it. Only Lee's ears were filled with horror.
"GAI-SENSEI!" He ran full speed back to sector C when something grabbed his arms. Asuma and Kakashi continued to flee while dragging the kicking and screaming Lee with them.
"Don't look back! NEVER look back!"Asuma instructed to the crying Lee.
"SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"Morons." Sasuke muttered quietly before strolling in his room with Ino and Sakura sighing dreamily behind him.
The remainder of the shinobi investigated where their rooms were. Sasuke's was at the far end, then Shino's on his right- Naruto on his left, by Naruto's leftwere Kiba, Asuma, Kakashi, and Gai on the end, by Shino's rightwas Lee, Choji, Shika, and then Neji on the end. The girls hallway had Sakura and Ino on the right side and Kurenai and Tenten on the left. Shika went in the control room in hopes of finding peace but instead found a hyper-active monkey.
"At least you don't bitch..." He thought aloud to himself, referring to Ino, while sitting down in the pilots seat.
"Ooo ooo oo! Kikikai!" Gigi continued to push random buttons an setting off the alarm momentarily. Shika sighed while gazing at the Earth like he wasbored out of his mind.
Ino and Sakura fought over Sasuke some more in front of his bedroom door. Sigh. Thankfully for him, these doors were sound proof. Tenten asked around, but it seemed no one wanted to play shogi(+) with her. Poor Tenten, she was going to have to be alone in the cruel world as a fill-in. So she played with herself while silently sobbing in her room. Choji went back to sector A to eat, where Asuma was already, smoking his cigarettes there with shaky hands. He sighed and left when Choji came in the room. Neji also locked himself in his room and hoped no one would notice him until the time was right.
Naruto stomped down the hallway. He wasn't going to take much more of this. Scratch that, he wasn't going to take it ANYMORE. Why he withstood Sasuke from the start was still a mystery to him, but all that mattered was kicking his ass now. He gently shoved the two bickering girls aside and pounded on Sasuke's door.
"Sasuke, you bastard! Get out here!" No answer. Naruto felt an eye twitch when his beautiful angel next to him screeched in his ear.
"Naruto! You leave Sasuke alone!"
"Yeah! You caused Sasuke enough grief from that 'incident' back at the academy!"
"That wasn't even my fault!" He shouted at Ino before turning back to the door in hopes the two would just go away for the time being. "What's the matter? Is the great Uchiha afraid to fight me?"
"Sasuke isn't afraid of anything!" Sakura whacked him upside the head and he pouted sadly. Unfortunately for him, puppy dog eyes weren't a thing Sakura was susceptible to. Well, at least for uncool, Kyuubi-infested dobes.
"Why would he waste his time and energy proving anything to you?" Naruto's eyes flared angrily. It was then he silently praised the fact he didn't have Ino on his team.
"Oh shut up! If I hear anymore bullshit, I'm gonna hurl!"
"Then get lost!" Sakura spun around and asked sweetly to the metal door before her,"Would you like me to get rid of these two before coming in there?" Naruto cringed at Sakura worshiping the very quarters he resided in. Still, nothing but utter silence wafted from the door to the three genin ears. Still attempting to maintain his ego's status, he boasted again.
"I guess you're nothing but a big chicken, huh Sasuke?" Sakura countered with a direct uppercut to the chin.
"I thought I told you to get lost!" The three bickered some more while Sasuke sat content in his room, drawing up plans with his headphones on full blast. Ah, being oblivious to the world was a good feeling. Maybe he could live with this for a while.
Choji was simply working on his special curry, humming cheerfully while dicing away with unusual speed for someone of his size. He found out from the Hokage shortly before they left that regular food could be prepared and made out in space;but with questioning the Hokagehe founddifficult sincetheleaderwas attending a renaissance festival while wearing a blinding fairy outfit and speaking old english. Then his thoughts lingered over to Shika, sitting quietly in sector A and his chopping pace slowed to an thoughtful and uneven pace. Ahh, that sweet ponytail wearing boy, his comrade, best friend, and secret lover-- wait, where did that come from?
"Ow..." Hinata mumbled quietly across by the bar stool, behind his back. Kiba, sitting next to her, looked over at Hinata.
"Hm?"
"Grrrr..."
"Akamaru!" Kiba rushed over at Hinata with an angry puppy attached to her leg. "I'm sorry Hinata! I have no clue what's gotten into him!" Kiba pried his disobedient pet off of his team mate. Choji chuckled at hearing the two and, being pulled away from his lucious thoughts, began to hum while making everyone's lunch.
"D-Do you think Akamaru hates me...?" Hinata asked sadly.
"Oh no, Hinata! He likes you! Maybe he just wanted to get my attention. You need to go to the bathroom boy?" A thought struck his mind and Choji turned his attention away from the boiling water on the stove.
"Where is he going to do his business anyway?"
"Well, my room has linoleum flooring, so he can just go in there and I clean it up."
"That sucks." Choji said while putting spices and vegetables in. It sucked, yes, but he didn't have anything to do with it. And that was all the reasoning he needed to keep out of the rest of the story.
"...I-If you want, I could h-help too..." Kiba blushed.
"Oh no! It's okay, Hinata, he's my dog after all. I can take care of him." Akamaru growled and barked. "Quiet you! You've been a bad dog!" He whined and trudged off to leave his master at peace with the girl he likes. Choji smiled while thinking about giving Akamaru a dog biscuit later.
Kakashi and Asuma sat quietly in sector D.
Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask to take a sip of his coffee before putting it back in place and glancing back at the clock. His normally unshakable nerves were still a bit fazed from earlier that morning. And the morning a few days ago with Gai. Hell, everything was frightening him lately- and fear was not a good feeling he concluded. They were all scaring him: Gai, Sodaime, Kurenai- well, Kurenai was normally scary, but it still counted in his mind.
Maybe they were all out to get him. Perhaps they joined an evil fray which was bent on getting revenge on him. Revenge for things that weren't his fault. Maybe when they scare him completely out of his mind and he lets his guard down, they'll jump him, gag him, then smother him to death with Ty plush beanie babies. Or maybe he was just paranoid.
Yet one could never be too sure. The least he could do was send a warning to the single remainingpeer in this ship that hadn't frightened him recently.
"Asuma..." Kakashi started. "You wouldn't ever turn on me, right?"
"Well of course not..." He said while blowing a puff of smoke into the air. Kakashi watched the dangerous gas swirl above his head before returning his serious gaze back to Asuma.
"...And you definitely would never smother me to death with Ty beanie babies...am I correct?" Asuma gave the other Jounin a weird look before answering.
"I think you've had too much coffee." That...was reasonable.
"Ah..." Kakashi said, happy he finally found a solution he could hold onto at the moment.
'Yeah, what was I thinking?' He pushed some sliver strands of hair away from his line of vision.
'Asuma doesn't even have any beanie babies...'
(+) Shogi is japanese Chess basically.
Update will, hopefully, be coming soon! x.x Somerandomclips to be happening (not neccessarily the next chapter):
"Sasuke, I challenge you to an eating contest!"
---
"Poor Tenten...I hope you feel better-" Lee began but was abruptly interupted by Neji running into the room, in between the two Genins, hissing.
"She mine...MINE!" He sneered at Lee while covering Tenten protectively. Gai, Tenten, Lee, and Sasuke sweatdropped.
"I really hope we didn't forget to bring your meds, Neji...," said Gai.
"Of course I'm taking my medicine! What are you talking about! I DIDN'T DO IT!" Neji shifted his eyes suspiciously.
"Why would you need to shift your eyes if you can see 360 degrees?"
"SHUDDAP YOUR MOUTH!" He yelled at Tenten. Sasuke sighed.
"God save the queen..."
"NO! GOD SHALL NOT SPARE THE QUEEN FOR YOUR PLEASURE! But he will provide porn." Neji squealed and scurried off.
"...How could we have forgotten his meds...?"
"...It's times like these I'm grateful for being in Team 7."
---
Sasuke paused from his train of thought about his psychotic master's weapon, which, unknowing to everyone, was being hoarded along with Tenten (who is starting to dehydrate) in Neji's closet, and focused his attention to the clean, white envelope on the floor. He studied it suspiciously, 'it could have an explosive note attached,' he thought.
Then he figured using explosives in this place was basically commiting kamikaze.
Thinking about it more, he realized he wouldn't put it past any of them to do something so wreakless.
Finally concluding that everyone had their heads so far up their asses they couldn't possibly come up with a logical plan, Sasuke picked it up and opened it.
---
Of course, having thoughts with 'cousin' and 'lick' was anything but right, these things can be overlooked because poor Neji is deprived of his meds. Not like he truely wanted them. We can all blame Gai later.
---
"Yeah, don't be such a dobe Naruto! Sasuke is more manly than you are anyways!" Shino bravely stood up against the two female teenagers.
"How would you two know? Neither of you have ever seen his-"
Cat noises and sounds of bones cracking under tremendous force could be heard from the mission control room. Even the Jounin instructors had to shield their eyes from the bloody sight of two raging teenage females, one having her "friend" to make matters worse.
---
"So who's the new Hokage?"
"Jiraiya-sama." Gai and Asuma's eyes widdened. After a long akward silence, Asuma spoke up.
"...Maybe, just maybe, we're better off here...in space..."
"Yeah, he probably would have Naruto teach us all his famous sexy-no-jutsu...," Gai mentioned. Asuma looked over at Gai and pictured him doing sexy-no-jutsu. His eye twitched as the puipil grew small, his cigarette fell out of his mouth because itpropped open.
"AHHHH! MY EYES! THE HORROR!" He ran out of the room screaming. The four remained silent.
---
"...Hatake, I speak for everyone when I say you are one disturbing son of a bitch..." Kakashi ignored Gai and continued to stroke Kooni.
"My precious...I know, this long of a wait has you ACHING in PAIN...I'm sure you'll enjoy this BLOOD..." Gai laughed nervously.
"Is this the part where I run?"
---