Up Late and Typing

Chapter Two: Happy Birthday Razor Blades

DISCLAIMER: I own my ass...

Yoji smiled a dumb smile as he took the last drink of his wine glass. "Pass the frosted flakes and pour the wine bitch!" he yelled to Omi who was in the corner typing as usual.

"I'm busy Yoji. You know we have a mission to complete. We all had our fun yesterday, but I've peed all the caffeine out of my system and now it's time to get back to work."

"You know what!" Yoji retorted, standing up (a bit wobbly at first) and punching the wall, "NO! You listen to me. I'm 21 years of age! You are 12!"

"Seventeen."

"You know what! NO! You are twelve...and still a minor! I can buy cheap cigarettes and porn! Porn, OMI! PORN! And wine! I can drink wine!"

"Where are you going with this...?" Omi rolled his eyes. Just then, the door opened and Manx walked down the stairs.

"Where is everyone? You are all just supposed to be here. You know...I say, 'men, you have a new assignment,' and you all watch the movie and then I say..."

"Um, Aya is staring at his dead sister and Ken is crying," answered Omi.

"Crying? About Yuriko?"

Yoji laughed hysterically, "Yuriko! HAAHAHAHA! Never! That's a girls' name! HAHA!"

Manx and Omi rolled their eyes as Yoji feel asleep on the couch like a good drunk man. Ken came running down the stairs as if there were an emergency.

"What's up guys?!"

"Nothing... I just felt like giving orders." Manx frowned.

"We already have a mission anyway, so you can leave...please..." Omi smiled confident that we would one day become a misogynist.

"Fine, I'll leave, but let it be known here and now that I carry the strife of the independent woman upon my humble shoulders!"

"That's nice," Omi smiled and turned back to the computer screen to look up stuff. Manx left leave the three of them there to continue whatever the hell they were doing...in that room...um... you know the rest...

"Hey!" Omi yelled, "The space bar and the 'b' key are stuck! They move, but they are all sticky! We need keyboard cleaner and fast! How are we supposed to stop the Crazy 77 from ripping off anymore good movies...?"

"Quentin never saw it comin'...just like Kase never saw it comin' just before I... I... I..."

"I'm home," Aya interrupted as he hung up his coat and sat on Yoji since he was in the way of that couch in the... blah blah blah.... "What's up? Any leads? Does this have any connection to my sister in anyway? I'm leaving the Weiss."

"What the hell? Aya!" Omi screamed as always, "You can't! You... you've got to save me! Father!"

"Hey?" Yoji roused, "why are you sitting on me...just like her...all those years ago. You know, in this light you look just like Azuka. AZUKA!!!!"

"Everyone, shut up! Unless you're gonna buy some flowers," Aya yelled...again.

Ken just started crying as Omi screamed 'father' and Yoji screamed 'azuka' and Aya rejoined the Weiß. After about five minutes of that and realizing why they all deserved each other for being so... so... pathetic isn't the word... oh, wait, yes it is... they all crowded around the computer.

"So..." Ken started, "We know that the space bar and the 'b' key are shot, but why? And by who?"

"I'm trying to figure it out right now. Damn it... this is hard to type with, it's throwing off my flow..." Omi complained.

"Wait a second! Throwing you off, that's what they must want. But we've been here the whole time, so who ever did this..." Yoji stated just before getting cut off by Aya, who stole his idea.

"...must be able to use some sort of telekinetic powers."

Aya, Omi, Ken: Schwartz!

Yoji: Schreient!

"What? That doesn't even make sense!" yelled Aya.

"I know...but Azuka..."

SLAP!

"Ouch!"

They continued with they're investigation of what the hell Schwartz had to do with anything even though they weren't a target.

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(back at Schwartz headquarters somewhere in a different dimension)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SCHULDIG!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

"Aww, thanks guys. And thank you for the blood cake of death, Farfie," Schuldig smiled as he gave a group hug to his fellow psychopaths.

"You should be careful eating that cake," Crawford warned, "remember what happened last year for Überschokinstien?"

"Yes... my poor brother."

(Flashback)

Schuldig: I want you all to treat my brother with the same respect you would give me... on a good day.

Uberschokinstein: Nice to meet you all.

Farfarello: I made cake.

Schuldig: Oh, that's sweet Farfie. Uber, this is Farfarello. Why don't we all dig in, you first brother?

Uber: (digs in to cake with fork)

BUZZZFFFFZZZZTTZZZZZZSSTTZZZTZZFFFZZZZZTTTT!!!!!

Schuldig: Uber? Uber?

Crawford: I didn't see that one coming.

Nagi: Damn.

Farfarello: That was pretty... did you see the sparks?

Schuldig: FARFARELLO! What was in that cake?!!!

Farfarello: Spark plugs? Um... sugar?

Schuldig: You fucking killed my brother!

Farfarello: ??? Can I have a tennis ball?

Schuldig: NO! YOU MURDERED MY BROTHER! He's dead! You electrocuted him!

Crawford: Heh... ironic.

Nagi: Very.

Schuldig: What? What's so funny?

Crawford: Well, his name... you know... Uber-schok-in... you know...

Nagi: He was shocked to death... hahaha!

Schuldig: Shut up!

Nagi: Sorry, I was just shocked is all!

Crawford: HAHAHA! If you don't stop it, I'm gonna pee my pants. I can see it now.

Nagi: Oh, how electrifying!

Crawford: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Shit! Stop!

(flashback end)

"Okay...stop laughing now. That was a year ago, can we please move on?" Schuldig scolded, "Now, Farfie, is there anything dangerous in this cake? Everyone isn't like you... people die when they bite into flammable cake...or poison cake..."

"Or electric cake!" Crawford burst out laughing.

"Shut up!"

Farfarello held up his cake and smiled at Schuldig, "It's safe this time... I was going to put some tasty razor blades in it... but decide to keep them to the side instead. Farfie sorry to you."

"Aww, it's okay Farfie... everyone, let's eat!"

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(back with the Weiß boys... at a local 7 Eleven)

"Ok... the space bar and the letter B??? What does it all mean?" Omi cried into a big slurpee.

"No way to know... a B? What could a B have anything to do with us?" though Yoji out loud.

"Maybe, just maybe," Aya started, "it could be... that weird B lookin' thing at the end of the word Weiß."

"But that's actually a weird S."

"So, it looks like a B."

"Hey!," Omi interrupted, "That's an interesting point. But you know what even more interesting?"

All: What?!!

"When ever we are on a mission and someone asks our name. I say, 'I am Weiß' which really means, 'I am white...'" Omi smiled wide due to the sugar intake of the slurpee. WHEE!

"But you wanna know what's even better?" Yoji added.

All: WHAT?!!

"I just saved hundreds of dollars by switching to Geico!"

All: WOW!

"Ok, back to the plan," said Ken, "we go to Schwarz's hideout and do what?"

"Um... we never said that," said Aya, "you are just a dumb ass."

"Well, we've got nothing better to do now. Why not go over there? It might be fun." Yoji smiled and smoked illegally inside of the 7Eleven.

(and so they went)

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BOOM!

Omi: Hey! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!

Aya: We are hunters of the night!

Ken: And we will deny you evil beasts of your blood... I mean tomorrow...s...

Yoji: (uninterested) we are Miami vice!

Aya: Shut up! You dumb ass!

Yoji: Hey are you guys having a party? Are those Doritos? Hey, They got Ritz!

Schuldig: So, you want to join our party Vice?

Aya: Weiß!

Schuldig: That too...

Crawford: There's lots of food.

Omi: Hey! They got DDR! YES!

Nagi: I'm playing it with my MIND! And Farfarello is lighting firecrackers in the backyard.

Yoji: Sniff you jerks later... I'm hangin' out with the fireworks! WHOOOO!

Ken: Thanks you guys! Now Yoji will never come back!

Aya: I bet that was your plan all along Schwarz! I bet you were trying to steal Yoji to somehow get to my sister.

Schuldig: Actually it's my birthday party, but whatever... if you don't want to have fun, then leave...

Ken: But what about Omi's keyboard! Wasn't it you guys who made the space bar and the B key sticky...?

Crawford: First off... it wasn't us... second off... that sound a little dirty, I mean geez... stick keys... were you guys that lonely! HAHA!

Aya: This is serious!

Omi: (playing DDR) Ai-ai-ai! I'm your little butterfly! Yellow, green, and blue, painting flowers in the sky!

Aya: Kill me...

(outside)

Yoji: 5-4-3-2-1!!!

Farfarello: BLAST OFF!

Yoji: YES! That was illegal! WOOO!

(inside)

Schuldig: Listen, we are just trying to have a nice day, could you two take your melodrama's elsewhere?

The two of them go back home, leaving Omi and Yoji to have fun at Schuldig's birthday party.

"What do you think we should do about the keyboard mystery?" asked Ken.

"Maybe it was a ghost?" Aya teased and went up to bed... freakishly early.

'A ghost?' Ken thought... 'could it be the ghost of Kase...his long lost love? Could it be?

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!

END

Thanks for reading! Review and tell me what you think? Any suggestions?

What will happen to Yoji and Omi at the party? Are they in danger? Why is Aya so tired? Who likes fireworks? What's up with the Crazy 77's? What kind of Slurpee did Omi have? Where is the plot? All these answers and less... in the next chapter!