I Want the Fire Back
Summary: Hermione Granger is stuck in a rut – Voldemort is dead, Harry and Ron are ultimately busy Aurors, and she is just the boring Charms teacher at her old school. But Sirius Black can't just let her go through the motions. Si/Hr, slight Dr/Gi & Re/To.
Rating: R for language, themes, sex, and whatever else may come out of my twisted little mind.
Disclaimer: It's not me who owns these characters of any plots associated with the Harry Potter books.
Chapter 3: Can't Be Held Responsible
Sirius Black was, to say in the least, quite pleased with the Ministry. So pleased in fact, that he immediately after being reverted to his twenty-year old self, kissed
Zachariah the Medi-Witch soundly on the lips before spinning him around giddily. Realizing the horribly unmasculine act he had just committed, Sirius promptly dropped the man back onto his own feet and cleared his throat. Following this, he let out a whoop of joy and grinned at his new reflection. Or would it be old reflection?
It didn't matter – old or new or whatever – it was his, and it was miraculous. Sirius' hair changed very little from the cut Hermione had given the night before, and it still framed his face and lay alluringly in his twinkling ebony eyes. His body had become the epitome of lean and muscular, with a hard stomach, firm ass, and strong arms. He also noticed that his right ear's piercing had come back – and in it was an earring Sirius had never seen before. It was silver and dangled slightly, and if you came close enough you could see a tiny dancing flame amidst the metallic shine of the element. Obviously compliments of Dumbledore. His smile lines near his eyes and mouth were completely gone, and now remained a fresh, young face that Sirius had missed more than he had imagined. Growing up was so hard when you had everything ripped from you at a young age – seeing yourself get older but never getting anywhere nearer to happiness or contentment had been difficult for Sirius.
But he had just been given a second chance – no, he couldn't change the past – but he could change the direction his future had been going.
Sirius was nervous – he was pacing Dumbledore's office, awaiting Harry, Ron, and Remus' arrival. They had to wait until Hogwarts' lunch period for Remus to show up, so they had forced Harry to remain away a little bit longer. Sirius preferred that everyone came at once – it was easier that way, he assumed. Arthur, Zachariah, and Ren had left to return to the Ministry, and now Dumbledore was left alone with his old student.
"Lemon drop?" the casual offering stirred Sirius from his pondering of the night before, and he flashed a breath-taking grin and accepted the candy. Things may change, but Dumbledore seemed very unlikely to transform anytime soon.
Suddenly a noise was heard from the fireplace, announcing the arrival and Harry Potter and loyal friend Ronald Weasley. Harry, in his haste to get to his dearly missed godfather and to untangle himself from Ron, flew across the room and knocked into Fawkes' perch. At the same moment, the office door was pulled open and Remus Lupin stumbled into a shrieking Ron as he discovered a spider on the floor next to where he had landed. Last to enter was Hermione, who intelligently stood back and observed all of this with a well-accustomed eye. Dumbledore grinned favorably as Fawkes' wing nearly smacked him in the eye as he flew towards
safety and well away from the over-excited humans.
"Sirius! Oh God, Sirius! You came back!" Harry screeched, successfully enveloping his welcoming godfather in a hug.
"Of course, Harry! Did you think it would be that easy to get rid of me?"
"Spider! Remus, watch it, spider! Ah! It's looking at me!"
"Ron, I squashed the damn spider! Are you happy?"
"You didn't have to be mean about it, 'Mione."
"Oh grow up, Ron. And Padfoot, come give your old friend a hug," Remus Lupin ended the promising fight between the two old friends and approached the man who was really his only brother left.
"Moony, is that less grey hair I see on your head? Or is it some trick of the light, hmm?"
"Not that you'll have to worry about greys anytime soon, as I can see from your new appearance – but yes, it is a possibility that there is less. You can thank your cousin Tonks for that, dear boy," Remus grinned as Sirius clapped him on the back companionably.
"She dye your hair, did she?"
"No, she just made my life a lot better."
Sirius could see the emotion in his friend's eyes, and he was happy that the ol' wolf had found someone to love and accept him. Even if that someone was his younger cousin.
Harry was not straying far from Sirius' side as his godfather began talking avidly with Remus and Ron. That was, until they made the mistake of asking him exactly where he had been the last five years. He closed up immediately and slightly avoided the subject.
"That doesn't matter now, does it? Just thank your precious Hermione here for saving me," he gestured towards the blushing brunette, who did anything but lap up his praise. After all, it was not as if she had been looking for Sirius Black that night. Nor did she understand just why the Room of Requirement had given him to her.
"Yeah, I was wondering 'bout that," Ron spoke carefully – well, what would be considered carefully for him. "Just why did the Room of Requirement free Sirius when Hermione came in there?"
Is he a bloody psychic? Hermione snarled in her mind. She was hoping they would avoid that mystery for a little while yet, at least until she had it figured out.
"Something to ponder, for sure, for sure," Dumbledore displayed naught but that inane grin of his and offered the rest of the occupants a lemon drop. Although Remus and Hermione had to return to classes in the afternoon, it would be hours afterward that Harry, Ron, and Sirius remained talking.
Remus decided that since he and Hermione had a few more minutes before class technically started, he would try to find out as much as possible about his friend's return the previous night.
"Remus, I really don't know what happened… I walked in by accident, and there was a veil. You know the type," she looked at him meaningfully and he nodded.
"The room wouldn't let me out – so I figured, fine, no harm in sticking your hand in a foreign doorway. So I did."
"Still makes you wonder… Why would Hermione Granger require Sirius Black?" Remus was smirking, and Hermione could no longer hold in her frustrations. As if that question had not been in her mind all sodding night and day.
"You utter git! Do you not think I wonder about that too? I don't understand this, Remus. I don't like not being able to understand things, you know that. I feel out of control… I feel emotions that I've never felt before. I'm scared," Hermione downcast her eyes, and Remus pondered for a moment before asking, "The emotions you feel… are they because of the situation, or towards a certain shaggy black dog we all know and love?"
Students began pouring into the halls, obviously eager to get done with their classes and back to their common rooms. Hermione just bit her lip and told Remus that she would talk to him later, for sure. He nodded uncertainly and jogged to the staircase to his own classroom. Hopefully he'd only be a few minutes late.
Sirius was hungry. Mainly because he had missed dinner whilst talking to Harry and Ron, and also because he had barely eaten anything in the last five years. He was seated in the window seat of his bedroom, fiddling with the jewelry that was causing an unusual feeling in his ear. It was magickal, that much was obvious. Protective charm, maybe? But for some reason he didn't feel as if a gift from the Headmaster would be as simple as that.
He stood up at a sudden burst of energy, deciding that he needed to run a bit. He hadn't ran in so long… To stretch out his limbs in Animagus form would truly be a grand pleasure, especially now with the physique he had. It would give him a great sense of freedom, roaming the Hogwarts grounds at top speed, fur flying. And now, he realized, he could rejoin Remus on the full moons, since he was staying at Hogwarts and all.
Mumbling something about eating when he returned, in an instant, Sirius became Snuffles, and bounded out of his room and into the hall. To any student that may have witnessed this, instant amusement would arouse. An enormous grim looking dog, hurdling himself through the air with a human like smirk plastered on its jowls.
Quite fascinating.
But, after all, didn't Sirius Black laugh at the outcome of his confrontation with Peter Pettigrew 20 years ago? The fact that he was heading to Azkaban for a crime he was no far from committing than baby Harry was? Wasn't he also laughing as his cousin Bellatrix hit him with a curse and he fell through a hell dimension veil at the Ministry?
It seemed, that this man, this man who deserved more than anyone else in the world to be happy and at peace, always found something amusing in the most drastic situations that life had dealt him. Unfairly dealt him…
Hermione struggled with her brazen awake ness, trying desperately to lull herself into a nice long sleep. But there would be no such luck for her. If she did fall asleep, she knew of the nightmares that would plague her mind. Nightmares? No… no, mere memories. Events of the past… Not nightmares – not monsters under the bed and the closet. Real nightmares. Things I've been through myself, flesh and blood. She shivered, from the cold and the obsoleteness of her goal of pleasant sleep. The only night in the last four years that she had spent in blissful peace and comfort was spent in the arms of a formerly dead man.
If that wasn't something new and livening to Hermione Granger, what is?
She decided to join Sirius in his room for the night; she threw all thoughts of consequences and things that could happen out of her head and let her heart do the talking. She knew where she wanted to be – and be damned if she wouldn't go there. After all, Albus had given her the other man's password, just in case. Yes, just in case…
About 10 minutes earlier…
Sirius, now fully exhausted and full to his capacity of the best food Hogwarts has to offer, had drifted into a fitful sleep. Alas, he shouldn't have expected any less, for the only night his haunting memories had left him be had been the night that he spent in the Charms professor's arms.
He had been sleeping, a fitful dreaming sleep; something unusual for him for he was mostly a placid sleeper… Aside from the times he had feelings about events to pass. This night proved just how accurate his little talent could be…
He jerked awake, sweat flooding his brow as he nervously glanced at the clock. Something was off - something was so horribly off.
Throwing his leather jacket over his jeans and T-shirt (he had been too exhausted to change from Auror business earlier that day) he raced outside his secluded home to the motorbike that awaited him. Sniffing the air on instinct, he swore he could smell the urgency of the darkness.
Revving once, twice… he was off… Not caring whether 300 damn Muggles saw him, he flew haphazardly threw the cold night air, keeping his eye on the sky ahead of him. The moon shone bright, almost full… It was Halloween.
He saw the smoke before he smelled it; he saw the complete destruction before he saw the bodies. Rubble from a modest two-story house in Godric's Hollow surrounded Sirius and his now meaningless bike. He walked slowly, unsure as to whether this could be real. How could it be? This was where they lived… his two best friends. People who had cared for him and loved him no matter how many times he screwed up… no matter how many things he did wrong. And this – this sight before him – was so utterly wrong.
Vibrant red hair that no longer reflected her fiery passion for life was splayed across the ground and amidst wooden debris. There was no blood. No tears. Just the calm expression she wore upon her beautiful face… An expression that screamed peace, but he knew that it was more than that. It screamed death… Premature death stealing her casually thrown smiles to all of the Marauders, especially James.
Can t be held responsible
She was touchin her face
I won t be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
She would always chastise them for their countless pranks, but he could tell she really loved them. The pranks kept her on her toes, they kept her laughing even when times of darkness were upon them. And now the permanent darkness had stolen her away from them.
He would never see her green eyes shining brilliantly again; not in her tears, not in her mirth, not in her anger. They were gone. He would never see those eyes again. The eyes that had captivated him since the day he had first met Lily Evans. He had seen her, watched her over the years. She was the epitome of beauty and intelligence – untouchable from the start. Untouchable, because, she was James' girl. She had been from the moment they traded insults… and she still would be, even in death.
He turned violently away from Lily, tears already cascading freely down his handsome face. This action only caused him to stumble across the sight of his brother and best friend laying as motionless as Sirius' heart did at the moment.
When I was young I knew everything,
Now I m guilt-stricken, sobbin with my head on the floor…
"Prongs," he managed to choke out as his throat closed painfully, tears thankfully blocking his view of James. He stepped closer, kneeling down so that his knees jammed down into bits of metal, causing him refreshing physical pain to represent the hurt he felt inside. "Don't be gone, Prongs. We aren't done yet – you can't be gone. You promised me – you promised all of us – stuck together for good, remember?" He shook the raven-haired boys shoulder. Yes, boy… for that was what he was yet. A boy… a boy that risked his very existence for the sake of his people, not caring about the peril he put himself in… A boy whose wife laid mere feet away, a woman who had owned the same bravery and selflessness.
He remembered nights spent under the full moon at Hogwarts; Remus howling, he and James sporting around playfully… Peter nearby scampering from shadow to shadow… Pranking Snape… Driving McGonagall insane with their horrible study habits and exceedingly good grades… Their proud egos getting them in trouble more than once…
For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we d never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we d ever die
For these sins…
'They did nothing – nothing – to deserve this… They laughed, they joked, they annoyed! They did not kill families… they did not ruin people's lives… They didn't destroy something as precious as life. What did they do to deserve this?' The anguished young man stayed bent over the corpse of his only remaining true family. No longer remaining… He cried out as his body was racked with sobs, "I would have died for them! I would have died in place of them…! I deserve it more than they ever could have… Me…"
He heard an infant's cry and turned sharply, expecting the Goddam bastard who was responsible for this massacre. Expecting Peter to be there… But no, it was Harry. Harry Potter, green eyes fearful and wide. Those eyes… He never would have seen them again… But Harry was alive. And he was too young to avenge his own parents…
Faintly aware somewhere in the back of his mind that Hagrid was speaking to him, he pointed to his motorbike and said something equivalent to "Take it. Take Harry."
The man who was Sirius Black took one last look at his friends, and an image that had been burned in his brain surfaced.
Graduation day… Picture had been taken… In a camera as well as Sirius' mind. Lily wearing the Valedictorian robes pressed against James chest as they grinned naively. Remus next to them, grinning happily, pleased to be out in the real world but also scared to be alone. Peter standing next to him, smiling, his watery blue eyes not revealing what he really was… Not revealing what his true plans after graduation were. And himself… Eyes glinting mischievously for the best 7th year prank ever pulled in Hogwarts history (Dumbledore had said so himself) and his eagerness for life. Adulthood… freedom. If there was one thing he had ever wanted in his life, it was to be as free as corporeally possible. Never expecting that this one thing he wanted most would be the one thing violated most by others…
And with that thought, he blinked his eyes shut for a quick moment in peaceful remembrance, and set off to kill the one man that took everything away from him. Everything that he had ever worked for… Everyone that he had ever loved so extremely. And he became the murderer he never truly got to fulfill…
In the middle of a crowded street he found his prey… His eyes darting around nervously… "Your job was very unsuccessful, Peter… for one reason. You forgot to take out the big trouble." He always had prided himself on being the best troublemaker the world had to offer…
I laughed the loudest who d have known? I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn t think enough
He screamed… accusations, he barely heard his high pitched screeches for all he could hear was the sound of his own pain and anger pounding in his cold heart. Livid thoughts surfaced in his mind. "I killed Lily and James? I'll show you kill you weak sniveling bastard." Blind with rage, he lifted his wand. Twelve inches, mahogany wood, Manticore hair, excellent for Transfiguration. He numbly wondered if it was good with the Killing Curse. Explosions, loss, hell… no, not hell – worse – Azkaban. Years and years in a cell… dementors… torture… hunger… but most of all, the regret…. Dear God the regret.The tears stopped coming after about the third year. The physical pain stopped at around the fifth. The hunger became so intense it went unnoticed around the tenth year. The memories stayed forever…
I m too depressed to go on…
Now he cried silently, willing his body to give up life and die. Another creature more worthy could take his place in the world. A creature that could protect his friends… that would die for them.
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days…
Smiling, always smiling… Laughing at the jokes, dramas, and love surrounding them at Hogwarts, their haven. Their place away from the harshness of the cold world.
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn t wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try…
Around the time of the thirteenth year, he died. No, not physically, but his mind, his spirit, his essence became dead to the place of existence. The world… A shell of a human falling and twisting in a world of absolute pain and dark. He was no longer a man…
A/N: Italics is supposed to be Sirius' dream that he is having. The bold italics are song lyrics taken from Verve Pipe's The Freshmen and Blink 182's Adam's Song. I edited them a tad to fit the story better. I know the dream doesn't really seem all dream-like, but I wanted to put a lot of detail into it, so I apologize! Lol. And don't worry, this is NOT AN ANGSTY STORY. The next chapter will be much lighter, as will most of the remaining chapters afterwards. Review! Love yas, Syl!
P.S. Any grammar errors tell me, this was posted late at night… well, ok, I lied, 10 something, but I'M TIRED. So just tell me and I'll correct them ASAP.