Chapter 4: Damn you teenage women!

Harry awoke with a start. He had had another dodgeball nightmare. He stared at his surroundings... he was lying in the infirmary due to that little ball "accident".

"Argh! Why can't I stop dreaming about balls!?" he screamed in frustration.

"Hem-hem" Madame Promfey cleared her throat and raised her eyebrow at Harry's exclamation.

"I uh... it's not what..." he stammered.

"Oh dear lord not another 'happy' person" she muttered and shook her head.

"No! It's not what you think!"

She stared at him.

"I'm not a 'happy' person!" he protested

"That's what they all say Potter..."

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"Uh huh... sure thing... now run along, your 'manhood' (she made the quotation marks with her fingers) is not damaged" she turned around "not that you'll be using it..." she muttered to herself.

"Hey! I heard that!"

"Hey Harry!" Hermione came in "Is your... thing ok?" she asked a little ashamed.

Harry glared at her; this was all her fault!

"Well we best be going soon... the game starts in a few hours and I need to measure you for your uniform"

"Uniform?" Harry asked with a hint of dread in his voice.

"Yes! Look!" Hermione dug into her backpack. "Lavender and Parvati picked them out"

Harry gulped.

"Ahh here we go!"" she laid the uniform on Harry's bed sheets.

"A pair of hot pink hot pants and a lilac tank top?!" Harry screamed in horror.

"Suits you well..." Madame Promfey winked at him. Harry scowled at her.

"Wait... I knitted us some hats aaaand...." She dug in her backpack again "neckerchiefs!"

"Hermione... you are off your bloody rocker if you think that I'm wearing those..." he motioned towards the hot pants "retched excuse for pants I have ever seen! There is NO CHANCE IN HELL I will never, EVER wear those!"

"But... b-but..." she looked like she was about to cry.

"Aww Hermione... don't cry..." Harry softened a bit and looked back at the uniform "Ahh HELL NO! Have the other guys even seen these yet!?"

"As a matter of fact... they did!"

"Oh good..." he sighed in relief. There was no way they'd ever agree to such travesty.

"It took a while... but Lavender, Parvati and I managed to convince them"

Before Harry could react to this, Seamus, Dean and Ron walked into the room. Their eyes were glazed over and they had a vacant smile upon their faces. They were also wearing their uniforms and to Harry's horror... several lipstick markings all over them.

'Oh no... this is not good...' Harry thought. "DAMN YOU TEENAGE WOMEN!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" he cursed and got on his knees.

Harry smiled in a twisted sort of way... then he twitched a bit. He stared at the uniform Hermione had laid out on his bed sheets, then back to the three boys staring happily into space. He broke out into a hysterical fit of giggles, promptly falling face down on the floor in tears of insanity.

"Uhh... Madam Promfey!!!" Hermione yelled rather alarmed. "Madame Promfey I think Harry's having a psychological meltdown!!!"

-o- -o- -o- -o-

Hermione leading the way, Harry walked through the field with his teammates towards the game at the courtyard, tugging at his pants, which kept riding up his bum. He could see to his horror that most of the school had turned up to watch the game. He leaned over to Ron and whispered.

"Ron... I can't believe you actually agreed to wear these hot pants!" he tugged at them again. "They're pink!"

Ron stared straight forward... a dribble of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth.

"Pink... hot pants... good" Ron muttered absentmindedly without looking at Harry.

"Ron! Are you mad!" Harry whispered again.

"Pink is good... pink is very good" he kept staring forward.

"Ron... what are you staring at?" Harry looked to where Ron was staring... a nice, round, firm, pink-hot panted Hermione bum. "Oh... pink is nice"

"Lilac better..." Dean and Seamus stared at Lavender and Parvati... who were in full lilac cheerleading outfits.

"Wow... I suddenly understand why Lockhart liked lilac so much..." Dean tilted his head a bit.

"Guys!" Hermione called to them.

"Pink good" Ron and Harry nodded absentmindedly.

"Hey! Hey guys! Watch out!" Hermione yelled.

The three goggling boys smashed into a tree.

"DAMN YOU TEENAGE WOMEN BUMS!!!!" Harry cursed getting down on his knees. Everybody stared. "Er... yes... sorry 'bout that" Harry blushed.

A/N- ::sigh:: I swore this was going to be the last chapter...but then this thing popped into my head... I think it turned out pretty well... tell me what you think! Review! (Next chapter will definitely be my last... I hope).