Seek and Go Hide
part two
Jack hurriedly shoved papers and a few books into his bag. He was supposed to meet Doug in the parking lot 15 minutes ago. He knew Doug hated having to wait around for the often-tardy Jack, but this time it really wasn't his fault. One of his students was having a hard time at home and had needed to talk. And talk and talk. Hopefully Doug would understand.
Doug and Jack had been hanging out quite a bit since that night at the Yacht Club where they discovered they had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. It was all completely platonic of course. They were friends, that was all. And that was great. Jack couldn't really imagine what his life back in Capeside would have been like if he didn't have Doug to pal around with. Pacey was here but he was so busy reopening The Icehouse that Jack was lucky if he saw him once a week.
But he and Doug both had plenty of time on their hands and not many friends to spend it with so it worked out well for both of them. They had seen a bunch of movies and had been doing a lot of sailing. Doug was also trying his hardest to teach Jack to cook something more elaborate than sandwiches. They kept talking about going camping one weekend but so far that hadn't happened. But maybe next weekend... Jack thought hopefully.
Just as he was heading out of the building, Mrs. Patterson, the school secretary, called out "Mr. McPhee. I need a moment of your time please."
"Damn" Jack cursed softly and turned back to see what it was she wanted this time.
---------------------------------
Doug couldn't believe he was late to meet Jack. He was supposed to be at the school over fifteen minutes ago. Maybe Jack's late streak would work in his favor this time, thought Doug as he nodded at Officer Willis. "Well that sounds ok Bill but if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I'm running late for a meeting."
"Sure thing Sheriff, sorry to have held you up."
"No trouble" replied an obviously distracted Doug, "I'll see you tomorrow and we'll firm up the details then."
As Officer Willis left his office, Doug, glad he had already changed out of his uniform, made sure that all his work was in fact done and everything in its place. He felt rushed and nervous which in turn made him feel silly. I'm just a punctual person he told himself as he headed out of the police station and towards his car. But deep down he knew that wasn't the reason. Doug's work had always come first but since he had been hanging out with Jack …well work seemed less important. Work was still important, Doug thought, but for the first time in a long time, it wasn't the only important thing. Jack was also important.
Doug pulled out of the parking and lot and headed for the high school trying not to think about exactly how important Jack had become.
-----------------------------
"Sorry I'm late."
They both said it at the same time. Doug had pulled up to the school just as Jack was exiting the building. They sat in Doug's car laughing - each teasing the other for being late.
"After all the times I've had to wait for you Jack, couldn't you have been waiting for me just this once?"
"Oh no. After declaring yourself 'Captain-On-Time-All-the-Time' you aren't allowed to enjoy the indulgent glory of having people wait around and wonder where you are. Your joy comes from lording your timeliness over those of us who are victims of endless meetings, long lines and slow watches."
"I think I should be able to have both the lording and the indulgent glory," said Doug.
"Sorry dude," smiled Jack. "And say, aren't you going to be late meeting Pacey?"
"He'll never notice. But you're right we should go." And with that Doug put the car in drive and cruised down the street towards The-Currently-Under-Reconstruction-Icehouse.
When they arrived Pacey came out to greet them, "Hey guys! You're late! What's that about?"
"I told you we'd be here at 6:30," Doug lied easily. "It's only 6:25, so we are, in fact, early little brother. Something you've never been"
"Oh. I thought you said you'd be here at 6:00. My bad. Come on; let me give you the tour. Normally I'd charge five bucks per person but for a generous loan co-signer such as yourself, it's free of charge!"
Pacey showed them around, pointing out the new industrial stove that had just arrived that morning as well as the walk-in deep freeze that had been installed yesterday. He was enthusiastic and animated as he described every little thing to Jack and Doug. Doug was glad to see Pacey so committed to his dream; it made him seem almost happy.
Once the tour was over, the three men sat down on the deck to have some iced tea and enjoy the warm evening. Jack was laughing as the two brothers told embarrassing stories about each other, each story more dubious and hilarious than the next. After a bit he excused himself to go to the restroom that, Pacey assured him, was in perfect working order.
"You look happy," said Pacey looking at his brother. Doug seemed more laid back and cheerful than he had in a long, long time.
Immediately defensive Doug responded, "Is that some kinda gay wisecrack?"
"Actually no - but if you want gay wisecracks let's talk about this new haircut of yours - it's fabulous!"
"Oh grow up Pacey!"
"Not yet Dougie, not yet," smiled Pacey, happy as always to get a rise out of Doug.
Jack returned and Doug, he noticed, looked annoyed. "What did I miss?" asked Jack.
Doug answered, "Just the standard Witter brother's banter - you know impertinent insinuations…"
"…And the complete and total denial of reality," interrupted Pacey.
"Funny," sneered Doug, who obviously didn't find it funny.
"I think so," breezed Pacey unaware of how truly ticked off Doug was becoming.
Jack realized he needed to change the subject, fast. "So things here are looking really good. I can't believe how much stuff has gotten done! Right Doug?"
"The paint color looks alright," Doug grudgingly admitted.
"Yeah," agreed Pacey "we're right on target for opening weekend. More or less."
A scruffy looking kid in a Hawaiian shirt approached them carrying a cordless phone, "'Scuse me Boss - the cutlery guy is on the phone and he's freaking out about something. Again." He held the phone out like he was afraid it was going to bite him.
Pacey took the phone and said, "Thanks Gary - I'll be right back guys." He went into the restaurant saying, "Sal, I told you I don't need that many serving spoons!"
"Boss - someone just un-ironically called Pacey boss," marveled Doug.
"Pretty great huh?" nodded Jack.
"More like completely surreal."
"You don't fool me, come on admit it, you're proud of him."
"Maybe a little. It seems like he's really on track this time, more sure, more solid. Pacey has never lacked confidence but sometimes, sometimes it seemed he lacked everything else."
"Like what?" Jack couldn't help but ask.
"Like a plan, like common sense, determination, follow-through, decent shoes. You name it. But this time…" Doug trailed off knowing that despite the fact that Pacey still sometimes acted like a crazy sixteen year old, he really was growing up. And growing up pretty good. Pacey had made a lot of mistakes in his life but he had learned from them. And he kept making new ones. Doug secretly admired that.
"Well, don't worry your secret is safe with me," Jack said.
"Telling secrets are we? Is he telling you what really happens on those once-a-year, boys-in-blue fishing trips? 'Cuz I've always thought it was more than he let on," cracked Pacey returning from his cutlery emergency and ready to needle his brother some more.
But Doug wasn't going to have any more of that, not tonight. Not when he was already feeling edgy and confused. "And would you look at that, it's time for us to go," said Doug quickly.
"It is?" asked Jack. Seeing Doug's look, "Right. It is."
Pacey looked chagrined but said, "Thanks for stopping by guys. It's always nice to get the gay point of view when it comes to décor and wall art."
Jack shrugged. "Pacey, you know I don't know anything about that stuff."
"I meant Doug - surely you've noticed his keen eye for the ascetic."
"Shut it Pacey," snapped Doug.
"Look out for this one Jack; he'll drag you back into the closet if you aren't careful."
"Good night Pacey," said Doug firmly as he turned and walked down the steps and toward his car.
"See you later man," Pacey said as he gave Jack a quick hug goodbye. "You're coming to the opening right?"
"I wouldn't miss it," replied Jack.
Pacey looked at Doug who was sulking in his car. He was about to say something else, when Gary returned with the phone saying disgustedly "Cutlery guy, Boss. Yet again."
Pacey took the phone, smiled at Jack and said "Serving spoons - who knew? Catch you later."
Jack walked toward the car wondering if he could convince Doug to talk about what was really bugging him. He tapped on the driver's window, which Doug rolled down saying, "Let's go. Get in the car. I'll take you home."
"Let's take a walk instead," countered Jack.
"What? Look, I need to get home."
"You do not. Come on, it's a nice night. Let's just walk down to the dock, get some air, stretch our legs…all that good stuff," beseeched Jack.
"Ok, all right, whatever," said Doug getting out of the car. Side by side the two friends walked silently down the street and down to one of Capeside's many docks. Doug wondered why he was so tense and irritable. It had been a nice evening for the most part. He just got so tired of Pacey's snide remarks. And they seemed to stress him out even more when Jack was around. Why?
Jack sat down at the edge of the dock and leaned back to watch Doug as he stood and stared out across the water lost in thought. Doug is probably one of the best looking men I have ever met thought Jack and before he could stop himself, he heard himself saying "Beautiful really."
"Huh?" said Doug coming out of his reverie.
"It's a beautiful night," Jack smoothly covered; glad the darkness hid the blush that crept up his cheeks. He better be careful. He had to watch his mouth. And his heart.
Doug sat down next to him with a sigh. Jack was pretty sure he knew what was bugging Doug, still he hesitated before asking, "Why does Pacey give you so much shit anyway?"
Time stood still. Then Doug answered, "Because he thinks it's not true."
Surprised, Jack heard himself ask, "And is it?"
The question hung between them for a long while and Jack cursed his curiosity and his lack of control over it. He didn't know what to say.
"I've been alone for a long time Jack. In high school I dated some but I never felt any sparks with anyone. More and more I was alone. Somewhere along the way I guess I decided love wasn't for me. I'm not the sparkler type I guess. But…" he stopped, surprised by what he was saying. He didn't know what he was going to say next. "But I knew deep down I wasn't just unlucky, I was wrong. I thought I had made my peace with that but lately…" he trailed off knowing this time what he wanted to say but too afraid to say it. "I should go." He got up and started walking back up the dock.
"Doug wait."
Doug stopped but he didn't turn around, "I gotta go Jack. I'm sorry."
Jack stood up and walked toward Doug, "Listen a second. I'm not going to pressure you…about anything. But if you want to talk, I'm here. And if you don't want to talk, that's ok too."
Doug turned around and saw Jack shining in the moonlight. "I'm here," Jack repeated.
Doug nodded and smiled a little. Seeing that smile, Jack closed the small distance between them and wrapped his arms around Doug. Doug froze, every bone in his body turning to lead.
"Relax, it's just a hug," Jack chuckled and didn't let go.
Then Doug softened and leaned into the hug. It was just a hug.
A moment later and everything changed. Suddenly it's no longer just a hug but something more. Something tender and fragile and tangible. Jack let go, stepped back and looked at Doug, afraid of what he might see in those beautiful blue eyes. And instead of masking his feelings, Jack looked at Doug openly and honestly, letting his confusion and more importantly, his affection show. When he saw the same feelings reflected in Doug's face, Jack didn't know who was more surprised.
"So you should go?" asked Jack.
"I should," nodded Doug. "Do you need a ride home…?"
"I can walk, it's not far."
"Ok. You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Good night."
"Night Doug. Drive safe."
And with that, Doug walked away from Jack and back towards his car. Part of him had a million things he wanted to say to Jack and part of him wanted to run away as fast as he could. He didn't think he could find the right words so he listened to the part that wanted to run away. When he got to his car, Doug sat and stared into the dark. In his mind he could hear Jack saying quietly "I'm here." The thought filled him with comfort and something that felt strangely like butterflies.
He smiled, turned on the car and headed for home, the radio echoing his confusion.
Any time tomorrow I will lie and say I'm fine
I'll say yes when I mean no
And any time tomorrow
The sun will cease to shine
There's a shadowman who told me so
Any time tomorrow the rain will play a part
Of a play I used to know
Like no other
Used to know it all by heart
But a shadowman inside has let it go
Oh no, let go of my hand
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend
You came to me anew
Or was it me who came to you
Shadowman, shadowman
Any time tomorrow a part of me will die
And a new one will be born
Any time tomorrow
I'll get sick of asking why
Sick of all the darkness I have worn
Any time tomorrow
I will try to do what's right
Making sense of all I can
Any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light
I just might
Shadowman
Oh here's the sun again
Isn't it appealing to recline
Get blinded and to go into the light again
Doesn't it make you sad
To see so much love denied
See nothing but a shadowman inside
Oh no, let go of my hand
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend
You came to me anew
Or was it me who came to you
Shadowman
Oh, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Oh, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
-Shadowman
By K's Choice
Jack hurriedly shoved papers and a few books into his bag. He was supposed to meet Doug in the parking lot 15 minutes ago. He knew Doug hated having to wait around for the often-tardy Jack, but this time it really wasn't his fault. One of his students was having a hard time at home and had needed to talk. And talk and talk. Hopefully Doug would understand.
Doug and Jack had been hanging out quite a bit since that night at the Yacht Club where they discovered they had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. It was all completely platonic of course. They were friends, that was all. And that was great. Jack couldn't really imagine what his life back in Capeside would have been like if he didn't have Doug to pal around with. Pacey was here but he was so busy reopening The Icehouse that Jack was lucky if he saw him once a week.
But he and Doug both had plenty of time on their hands and not many friends to spend it with so it worked out well for both of them. They had seen a bunch of movies and had been doing a lot of sailing. Doug was also trying his hardest to teach Jack to cook something more elaborate than sandwiches. They kept talking about going camping one weekend but so far that hadn't happened. But maybe next weekend... Jack thought hopefully.
Just as he was heading out of the building, Mrs. Patterson, the school secretary, called out "Mr. McPhee. I need a moment of your time please."
"Damn" Jack cursed softly and turned back to see what it was she wanted this time.
---------------------------------
Doug couldn't believe he was late to meet Jack. He was supposed to be at the school over fifteen minutes ago. Maybe Jack's late streak would work in his favor this time, thought Doug as he nodded at Officer Willis. "Well that sounds ok Bill but if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I'm running late for a meeting."
"Sure thing Sheriff, sorry to have held you up."
"No trouble" replied an obviously distracted Doug, "I'll see you tomorrow and we'll firm up the details then."
As Officer Willis left his office, Doug, glad he had already changed out of his uniform, made sure that all his work was in fact done and everything in its place. He felt rushed and nervous which in turn made him feel silly. I'm just a punctual person he told himself as he headed out of the police station and towards his car. But deep down he knew that wasn't the reason. Doug's work had always come first but since he had been hanging out with Jack …well work seemed less important. Work was still important, Doug thought, but for the first time in a long time, it wasn't the only important thing. Jack was also important.
Doug pulled out of the parking and lot and headed for the high school trying not to think about exactly how important Jack had become.
-----------------------------
"Sorry I'm late."
They both said it at the same time. Doug had pulled up to the school just as Jack was exiting the building. They sat in Doug's car laughing - each teasing the other for being late.
"After all the times I've had to wait for you Jack, couldn't you have been waiting for me just this once?"
"Oh no. After declaring yourself 'Captain-On-Time-All-the-Time' you aren't allowed to enjoy the indulgent glory of having people wait around and wonder where you are. Your joy comes from lording your timeliness over those of us who are victims of endless meetings, long lines and slow watches."
"I think I should be able to have both the lording and the indulgent glory," said Doug.
"Sorry dude," smiled Jack. "And say, aren't you going to be late meeting Pacey?"
"He'll never notice. But you're right we should go." And with that Doug put the car in drive and cruised down the street towards The-Currently-Under-Reconstruction-Icehouse.
When they arrived Pacey came out to greet them, "Hey guys! You're late! What's that about?"
"I told you we'd be here at 6:30," Doug lied easily. "It's only 6:25, so we are, in fact, early little brother. Something you've never been"
"Oh. I thought you said you'd be here at 6:00. My bad. Come on; let me give you the tour. Normally I'd charge five bucks per person but for a generous loan co-signer such as yourself, it's free of charge!"
Pacey showed them around, pointing out the new industrial stove that had just arrived that morning as well as the walk-in deep freeze that had been installed yesterday. He was enthusiastic and animated as he described every little thing to Jack and Doug. Doug was glad to see Pacey so committed to his dream; it made him seem almost happy.
Once the tour was over, the three men sat down on the deck to have some iced tea and enjoy the warm evening. Jack was laughing as the two brothers told embarrassing stories about each other, each story more dubious and hilarious than the next. After a bit he excused himself to go to the restroom that, Pacey assured him, was in perfect working order.
"You look happy," said Pacey looking at his brother. Doug seemed more laid back and cheerful than he had in a long, long time.
Immediately defensive Doug responded, "Is that some kinda gay wisecrack?"
"Actually no - but if you want gay wisecracks let's talk about this new haircut of yours - it's fabulous!"
"Oh grow up Pacey!"
"Not yet Dougie, not yet," smiled Pacey, happy as always to get a rise out of Doug.
Jack returned and Doug, he noticed, looked annoyed. "What did I miss?" asked Jack.
Doug answered, "Just the standard Witter brother's banter - you know impertinent insinuations…"
"…And the complete and total denial of reality," interrupted Pacey.
"Funny," sneered Doug, who obviously didn't find it funny.
"I think so," breezed Pacey unaware of how truly ticked off Doug was becoming.
Jack realized he needed to change the subject, fast. "So things here are looking really good. I can't believe how much stuff has gotten done! Right Doug?"
"The paint color looks alright," Doug grudgingly admitted.
"Yeah," agreed Pacey "we're right on target for opening weekend. More or less."
A scruffy looking kid in a Hawaiian shirt approached them carrying a cordless phone, "'Scuse me Boss - the cutlery guy is on the phone and he's freaking out about something. Again." He held the phone out like he was afraid it was going to bite him.
Pacey took the phone and said, "Thanks Gary - I'll be right back guys." He went into the restaurant saying, "Sal, I told you I don't need that many serving spoons!"
"Boss - someone just un-ironically called Pacey boss," marveled Doug.
"Pretty great huh?" nodded Jack.
"More like completely surreal."
"You don't fool me, come on admit it, you're proud of him."
"Maybe a little. It seems like he's really on track this time, more sure, more solid. Pacey has never lacked confidence but sometimes, sometimes it seemed he lacked everything else."
"Like what?" Jack couldn't help but ask.
"Like a plan, like common sense, determination, follow-through, decent shoes. You name it. But this time…" Doug trailed off knowing that despite the fact that Pacey still sometimes acted like a crazy sixteen year old, he really was growing up. And growing up pretty good. Pacey had made a lot of mistakes in his life but he had learned from them. And he kept making new ones. Doug secretly admired that.
"Well, don't worry your secret is safe with me," Jack said.
"Telling secrets are we? Is he telling you what really happens on those once-a-year, boys-in-blue fishing trips? 'Cuz I've always thought it was more than he let on," cracked Pacey returning from his cutlery emergency and ready to needle his brother some more.
But Doug wasn't going to have any more of that, not tonight. Not when he was already feeling edgy and confused. "And would you look at that, it's time for us to go," said Doug quickly.
"It is?" asked Jack. Seeing Doug's look, "Right. It is."
Pacey looked chagrined but said, "Thanks for stopping by guys. It's always nice to get the gay point of view when it comes to décor and wall art."
Jack shrugged. "Pacey, you know I don't know anything about that stuff."
"I meant Doug - surely you've noticed his keen eye for the ascetic."
"Shut it Pacey," snapped Doug.
"Look out for this one Jack; he'll drag you back into the closet if you aren't careful."
"Good night Pacey," said Doug firmly as he turned and walked down the steps and toward his car.
"See you later man," Pacey said as he gave Jack a quick hug goodbye. "You're coming to the opening right?"
"I wouldn't miss it," replied Jack.
Pacey looked at Doug who was sulking in his car. He was about to say something else, when Gary returned with the phone saying disgustedly "Cutlery guy, Boss. Yet again."
Pacey took the phone, smiled at Jack and said "Serving spoons - who knew? Catch you later."
Jack walked toward the car wondering if he could convince Doug to talk about what was really bugging him. He tapped on the driver's window, which Doug rolled down saying, "Let's go. Get in the car. I'll take you home."
"Let's take a walk instead," countered Jack.
"What? Look, I need to get home."
"You do not. Come on, it's a nice night. Let's just walk down to the dock, get some air, stretch our legs…all that good stuff," beseeched Jack.
"Ok, all right, whatever," said Doug getting out of the car. Side by side the two friends walked silently down the street and down to one of Capeside's many docks. Doug wondered why he was so tense and irritable. It had been a nice evening for the most part. He just got so tired of Pacey's snide remarks. And they seemed to stress him out even more when Jack was around. Why?
Jack sat down at the edge of the dock and leaned back to watch Doug as he stood and stared out across the water lost in thought. Doug is probably one of the best looking men I have ever met thought Jack and before he could stop himself, he heard himself saying "Beautiful really."
"Huh?" said Doug coming out of his reverie.
"It's a beautiful night," Jack smoothly covered; glad the darkness hid the blush that crept up his cheeks. He better be careful. He had to watch his mouth. And his heart.
Doug sat down next to him with a sigh. Jack was pretty sure he knew what was bugging Doug, still he hesitated before asking, "Why does Pacey give you so much shit anyway?"
Time stood still. Then Doug answered, "Because he thinks it's not true."
Surprised, Jack heard himself ask, "And is it?"
The question hung between them for a long while and Jack cursed his curiosity and his lack of control over it. He didn't know what to say.
"I've been alone for a long time Jack. In high school I dated some but I never felt any sparks with anyone. More and more I was alone. Somewhere along the way I guess I decided love wasn't for me. I'm not the sparkler type I guess. But…" he stopped, surprised by what he was saying. He didn't know what he was going to say next. "But I knew deep down I wasn't just unlucky, I was wrong. I thought I had made my peace with that but lately…" he trailed off knowing this time what he wanted to say but too afraid to say it. "I should go." He got up and started walking back up the dock.
"Doug wait."
Doug stopped but he didn't turn around, "I gotta go Jack. I'm sorry."
Jack stood up and walked toward Doug, "Listen a second. I'm not going to pressure you…about anything. But if you want to talk, I'm here. And if you don't want to talk, that's ok too."
Doug turned around and saw Jack shining in the moonlight. "I'm here," Jack repeated.
Doug nodded and smiled a little. Seeing that smile, Jack closed the small distance between them and wrapped his arms around Doug. Doug froze, every bone in his body turning to lead.
"Relax, it's just a hug," Jack chuckled and didn't let go.
Then Doug softened and leaned into the hug. It was just a hug.
A moment later and everything changed. Suddenly it's no longer just a hug but something more. Something tender and fragile and tangible. Jack let go, stepped back and looked at Doug, afraid of what he might see in those beautiful blue eyes. And instead of masking his feelings, Jack looked at Doug openly and honestly, letting his confusion and more importantly, his affection show. When he saw the same feelings reflected in Doug's face, Jack didn't know who was more surprised.
"So you should go?" asked Jack.
"I should," nodded Doug. "Do you need a ride home…?"
"I can walk, it's not far."
"Ok. You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Good night."
"Night Doug. Drive safe."
And with that, Doug walked away from Jack and back towards his car. Part of him had a million things he wanted to say to Jack and part of him wanted to run away as fast as he could. He didn't think he could find the right words so he listened to the part that wanted to run away. When he got to his car, Doug sat and stared into the dark. In his mind he could hear Jack saying quietly "I'm here." The thought filled him with comfort and something that felt strangely like butterflies.
He smiled, turned on the car and headed for home, the radio echoing his confusion.
Any time tomorrow I will lie and say I'm fine
I'll say yes when I mean no
And any time tomorrow
The sun will cease to shine
There's a shadowman who told me so
Any time tomorrow the rain will play a part
Of a play I used to know
Like no other
Used to know it all by heart
But a shadowman inside has let it go
Oh no, let go of my hand
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend
You came to me anew
Or was it me who came to you
Shadowman, shadowman
Any time tomorrow a part of me will die
And a new one will be born
Any time tomorrow
I'll get sick of asking why
Sick of all the darkness I have worn
Any time tomorrow
I will try to do what's right
Making sense of all I can
Any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light
I just might
Shadowman
Oh here's the sun again
Isn't it appealing to recline
Get blinded and to go into the light again
Doesn't it make you sad
To see so much love denied
See nothing but a shadowman inside
Oh no, let go of my hand
Oh no, not now I'm down, my friend
You came to me anew
Or was it me who came to you
Shadowman
Oh, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Oh, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
Please, if you're coming down to rescue me
Now would be perfect
-Shadowman
By K's Choice