Seek and Go Hide
part nine
Jack lay in his bed watching the morning light creep slowly across the ceiling. It was early; too early to be awake considering the late hour he had gone to bed the night before. After the party, he and Jen sat up talking into the wee hours of the morning. When he finally went to bed, he was certain he was going to sleep for a good long time. Three hours later and his eyes flew open and his brain insisted it was time for school, time to get up, time to rise, time to shine. He tried to ignore his brain and snuggled back under the covers but his brain wouldn't hear of it and so sleep eluded him.
Giving in, Jack turned his whirring thoughts to Doug. He'd been so happy to finally talk to Doug and get a few things resolved between them. But now in the cold, morning light Jack was pretty sure he was reading too much into Doug's apology. Yes, Doug was sorry he had lashed out at Jack but that didn't really mean much. Possibly it didn't mean anything at all. It wasn't like Doug had said he had feelings for Jack. No he was just sorry he'd been mean. Remorse didn't translate to anything other than remorse. And even if, he maybe had feelings for Jack, Doug hadn't hinted that he might, possibly, just maybe be ready to come out to more than close friends and family. Jack knew that he couldn't be with Doug unless Doug came out of the closet. I just can't get involved with someone who isn't willing to give it his all and be open about everything. I can't, I can't make that work, thought Jack with a frown.
Greg stirred in the bed beside him and Jack's frown deepened. He was putting the cart so far in front of the horse it was ridiculous. He didn't even know how he felt, so how could he possibly know how Doug felt. And then there was Greg. Sweet, occasionally funny, undeniably good in bed Greg. Jack turned and watched him sleep. He looked so vulnerable. Jack hated to think that he was being unfair to Greg. Jack had had his share of bad boyfriends in the past. He was used to being the wronged not the wrong. Selfishly, Jack didn't want to be the villain in this relationship. I'm not a bad guy, thought Jack stubbornly. I can make this work. I think.
Sighing loudly, Jack flopped back onto his back. The sudden movement shook the bed and woke Greg.
"God my head!" groaned Greg as he buried his face into the pillow.
Sitting up and swinging his feet to the floor, Jack said, "I'll get you some aspirin…"
Greg reached across the bed and his arm snaked around Jack's waist, "No, just stay here - keep me warm." He tried feebly to pull Jack back down into the bed.
Resisting, Jack replied, "I should go see if Jen's up..."
"Just 15 minutes, please," Greg looked up at Jack and batted his eyes. "Come on big guy. Don't make me beg…it's too early…"
Jack couldn't help but smile, "All right," he agreed. He lay back down and Greg immediately curled up next to him.
"I'm sorry I was sort of weird last night," said Greg as he idly ran his hand across Jack's chest.
Jack laughed a little and raised an eyebrow. "Sort of weird?" he asked.
"What can I say? The holidays make me insecure." Greg began raining light kissing down on Jack's chest and stomach and said, "Especially when my hunky boyfriend keeps disappearing on me."
"I was mingling Greg," said Jack defensively.
"I know. I know. I'm a crazy boyfriend." The kisses continued up Jack's neck then down again. Greg continued, "Wanna go see a movie tonight? We could see the new Paul Thomas Anderson flick or the latest Bond if you want. My treat."
"You hate Bond movies…" said Jack.
"Yeah, but I kinda like you…" With that Greg turned his attentions even lower.
"I should see what Jen's plans are, hey stop that." Jack smiled down at Greg and tried to take some of the sting out of his words, "Not now ok?" Jack sat up in the bed.
"Jack?" Greg sat up as well and looked at Jack; his face was very serious.
"What?" sighed Jack. He stared straight ahead; he had a feeling he knew what was coming next.
"When do I move up the list? I'm tried of coming in 6th or 7th on your list of priorities," said Greg with a hurt look.
Jack turned and tried to diffuse the situation and said, "Look, we've both kept this light for a reason…"
"Which is?"
There was a lengthy pause and Jack couldn't answer. He and Greg stared at each other for a moment. Jack was the first to look away.
Softly, Greg inquired, "Don't you want more than light?"
"I don't know," responded Jack honestly.
"I think you do. I know I do." Greg laughed ruefully and said, "Come on Jack, we can be more than sex and small talk. I know it."
"I do want more than sex and small talk," confessed Jack. He thought briefly about Doug then shook his head as if to dislodge the thought.
"Then give me a chance ok? Play fair…" Greg gave Jack a playful shove and grinned at him.
Jack felt himself return the grin, "Ok." If we can take this relationship to the next level, it might all be worth it, thought Jack.
"Great! So which is it double oh seven or avant-garde surrealism?" asked Greg merrily.
Well, I guess we can go to the next level later, thought Jack. He was surprised to find he was a little relieved. "You can pick. I really should go see if Jen's up." Jack got out of the bed and pulled on a faded sweatshirt.
With just a trace of bitterness, Greg relented, "Ok, ok. But will you get me that aspirin first?"
Jack just nodded and went to get the aspirin.
--------------------------
Doug was humming as he cooked breakfast. Pancakes sizzled in the pan and filled the small kitchen with their warm apple-cinnamony scent. Realizing that he had made far too much batter and so was going to have far too many pancakes, Doug considered what Jack and Jen were doing this morning. Who doesn't like pancakes? thought Doug and before he could talk himself out of it, he took the pan off the burner and picked up the phone. He dialed Jack's phone number from memory.
As the phone rang, Doug felt his heart start to race. It's just pancakes. A friendly little brunch. No big deal. It's just pancakes. On the fourth ring, Doug felt his resolve leave him and just as he was about to hang up, he heard a female voice screech "Hello!?"
Doug snatched the phone back to his ear and asked quizzically, "Jen?"
"Hello? Who is it?" Jen's loud, laughing voice made Doug both cringe and smile. "Stop it Jack! Can't you see I'm on the phone? Your phone you'll note. Stop it! Stop! Hell-oh? Is anyone there?"
"Hi Jen, it's Doug. Doug Witter. Sheriff Witter." Doug shook his head and marveled at his ineptitude. My lameness knows no bounds, he thought to himself.
"Jack - it's the law! I told you you were doing it wrong! The cops are coming to stop you! Save us!"
Doug could hear the two friends tussle over the phone and couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
"Give me that phone Jen!"
"Or you'll what?" she teased, "You'll whisk me to death?"
"Give it to me," insisted a laughing Jack. "I know your weaknesses Lindley!"
Suddenly there was an even louder burst of laughter and the sound of the phone being dropped. Doug wondered what exactly was going on over there. Whatever it was, it sounded like fun. After a minute or so, Jack gained control of the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello? Doug?"
"He's murdering eggs!" hollered Jen from the background still laughing. "And you're a cheater, Jack McPhee!"
"Hi Jack. I hear you're a cheater," said Doug jovially.
"Oh no, some people are just sore losers."
"And the egg murdering accusation?"
"Blown way out of proportion. I was trying to make omelets but, well, it's not going smoothly and…"
"Not going smoothly?" Jen squealed from across the room. "There are eggs on the ceiling and in my hair! It's carnage Doug! Total carnage!"
"On the ceiling?" asked Doug smiling. Jack really wasn't much of a cook.
"It was a fluke. Really. What's up with you?"
"Actually, I was just calling to see if you guys wanted to come over and have some pancakes…"
Taken aback a bit, Jack stammered, "Wow. Uhm, yeah. That's really nice but Jen's here and…"
"I gathered as much," interrupted Doug cheerfully, "The invitation is all inclusive."
Feeling awkward, Jack heard himself hurriedly saying, "And so is Greg and well, there are eggs all over the place and while my omelets are kind of a disaster, they make ok scrambled eggs so we should probably just eat them otherwise, it's just a waste you know?"
"Greg's there…" said a quietly stunned Doug. Staring at the bowl of pancake batter, Doug felt very stupid.
"Yeah," sighed Jack.
Telling himself to hold it together, Doug too nonchalantly replied, "Greg's there. Of course he is. He's your boyfriend after all. Tell him hello for me. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll see you around…"
"Doug, listen…" interrupted Jack
"I gotta run Jack," said Doug tersely. All he wanted was to be off the phone, he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice as he said, "Have a great day." And with that he hung up.
Turning back to the stove, he brusquely turned off the burner. Grabbing the large bowl of fragrant batter, he walked over to the sink and began pouring it down the disposal. Turning on the water, he washed out the bowl, the skillet and the sundry other dishes he had so cheerfully dirtied only minutes ago. He knew it was ludicrous to feel so rejected over a last minute invitation to pancakes.
But it was more than the pancakes. He had thought he and Jack had made some headway last night. Obviously, he had read too much into it. Jack had said "friends" and apparently that's what he really meant. Jack was dating someone. And it was serious enough that Greg had spent the night, New Years Eve night, at Jack's place. Doug knew Jack took relationships seriously so Jack must care about him.
Doug told himself that he had been deluding himself about Jack for too long. If there had been something between them, Doug had blown it. It's not going to work. Frowning, Doug resolved to put his feelings for Jack behind him. It felt completely impossible but he knew it was necessary. He was going to have to find a way to do it.
The phone startled Doug out of his reverie. Quickly he picked it up, figuring that it had to be work. He couldn't have been more surprised when he heard Jen's voice on the line.
"Doug? Look I only have a minute. Jack's scraping the egg off the ceiling," Jen's voice was an intense whisper in Doug's ear. "He doesn't know I'm calling ok - I'm not even sure I should be calling but…it's not going to work you should know that…"
"Don't worry, Jen. I've figured it out. I'll leave him alone," grumbled Doug indignantly.
"Not you two you dummy. Greg and Jack. Jack thinks he's gotta give it the old college try but it won't matter ok? It's doomed. You've just gotta wait it out."
"I can't believe you are calling me and telling me…"
"Just shut up Doug. I know it sucks to be told to hang in there, it's unfair and emotional torture and usually, I'm 100% against it. Life is too short to pine. But the thing is, he wants you. He doesn't want to want you, but he does. And one of these days, he'll wake up and he'll think he's blown it and I want him to be wrong. So don't give up. Look, I gotta go. He just left the kitchen..."
"Jen?" said Doug.
"What?" she asked quickly. Doug could almost see her eyes darting around as she tried to figure out where Jack was exactly.
"Thanks."
"So you'll do it? You'll be patient? You'll wait?"
"I think he's worth it," said Doug sincerely.
"You're right. He is. Bye," with that Jen hung up and Doug was left stunned once again. Only this time, he relished the feeling. He just had to be patient. He was good at that.
Hey where have you been hiding?
In a land far away
Oh I can't stay away
But you're wrapped in the arms of another.
All my life I've been searching for someone,
Someone who's true
Oh someone just like you.
But I'm lost looking in the haze
I can't make it past this stage
While you're wrapped in the arms of another, another.
Oh it tears me up inside
And I know in my heart
That you were meant for me
And if we're meant to be then it will be
If we're meant to be then it will be
Hey where have you been hiding?
You're so beautiful and free
Oh why can't our love be
I guess it's cause you're still
Wrapped in the arms of another
Oh it tears me up inside
cause i know in my heart
That you were meant for me
And if we're meant to be then it will be
If we're meant to be then it will be
-- Wrapped In The Arms Of Another
by Susan Tedeschi
part nine
Jack lay in his bed watching the morning light creep slowly across the ceiling. It was early; too early to be awake considering the late hour he had gone to bed the night before. After the party, he and Jen sat up talking into the wee hours of the morning. When he finally went to bed, he was certain he was going to sleep for a good long time. Three hours later and his eyes flew open and his brain insisted it was time for school, time to get up, time to rise, time to shine. He tried to ignore his brain and snuggled back under the covers but his brain wouldn't hear of it and so sleep eluded him.
Giving in, Jack turned his whirring thoughts to Doug. He'd been so happy to finally talk to Doug and get a few things resolved between them. But now in the cold, morning light Jack was pretty sure he was reading too much into Doug's apology. Yes, Doug was sorry he had lashed out at Jack but that didn't really mean much. Possibly it didn't mean anything at all. It wasn't like Doug had said he had feelings for Jack. No he was just sorry he'd been mean. Remorse didn't translate to anything other than remorse. And even if, he maybe had feelings for Jack, Doug hadn't hinted that he might, possibly, just maybe be ready to come out to more than close friends and family. Jack knew that he couldn't be with Doug unless Doug came out of the closet. I just can't get involved with someone who isn't willing to give it his all and be open about everything. I can't, I can't make that work, thought Jack with a frown.
Greg stirred in the bed beside him and Jack's frown deepened. He was putting the cart so far in front of the horse it was ridiculous. He didn't even know how he felt, so how could he possibly know how Doug felt. And then there was Greg. Sweet, occasionally funny, undeniably good in bed Greg. Jack turned and watched him sleep. He looked so vulnerable. Jack hated to think that he was being unfair to Greg. Jack had had his share of bad boyfriends in the past. He was used to being the wronged not the wrong. Selfishly, Jack didn't want to be the villain in this relationship. I'm not a bad guy, thought Jack stubbornly. I can make this work. I think.
Sighing loudly, Jack flopped back onto his back. The sudden movement shook the bed and woke Greg.
"God my head!" groaned Greg as he buried his face into the pillow.
Sitting up and swinging his feet to the floor, Jack said, "I'll get you some aspirin…"
Greg reached across the bed and his arm snaked around Jack's waist, "No, just stay here - keep me warm." He tried feebly to pull Jack back down into the bed.
Resisting, Jack replied, "I should go see if Jen's up..."
"Just 15 minutes, please," Greg looked up at Jack and batted his eyes. "Come on big guy. Don't make me beg…it's too early…"
Jack couldn't help but smile, "All right," he agreed. He lay back down and Greg immediately curled up next to him.
"I'm sorry I was sort of weird last night," said Greg as he idly ran his hand across Jack's chest.
Jack laughed a little and raised an eyebrow. "Sort of weird?" he asked.
"What can I say? The holidays make me insecure." Greg began raining light kissing down on Jack's chest and stomach and said, "Especially when my hunky boyfriend keeps disappearing on me."
"I was mingling Greg," said Jack defensively.
"I know. I know. I'm a crazy boyfriend." The kisses continued up Jack's neck then down again. Greg continued, "Wanna go see a movie tonight? We could see the new Paul Thomas Anderson flick or the latest Bond if you want. My treat."
"You hate Bond movies…" said Jack.
"Yeah, but I kinda like you…" With that Greg turned his attentions even lower.
"I should see what Jen's plans are, hey stop that." Jack smiled down at Greg and tried to take some of the sting out of his words, "Not now ok?" Jack sat up in the bed.
"Jack?" Greg sat up as well and looked at Jack; his face was very serious.
"What?" sighed Jack. He stared straight ahead; he had a feeling he knew what was coming next.
"When do I move up the list? I'm tried of coming in 6th or 7th on your list of priorities," said Greg with a hurt look.
Jack turned and tried to diffuse the situation and said, "Look, we've both kept this light for a reason…"
"Which is?"
There was a lengthy pause and Jack couldn't answer. He and Greg stared at each other for a moment. Jack was the first to look away.
Softly, Greg inquired, "Don't you want more than light?"
"I don't know," responded Jack honestly.
"I think you do. I know I do." Greg laughed ruefully and said, "Come on Jack, we can be more than sex and small talk. I know it."
"I do want more than sex and small talk," confessed Jack. He thought briefly about Doug then shook his head as if to dislodge the thought.
"Then give me a chance ok? Play fair…" Greg gave Jack a playful shove and grinned at him.
Jack felt himself return the grin, "Ok." If we can take this relationship to the next level, it might all be worth it, thought Jack.
"Great! So which is it double oh seven or avant-garde surrealism?" asked Greg merrily.
Well, I guess we can go to the next level later, thought Jack. He was surprised to find he was a little relieved. "You can pick. I really should go see if Jen's up." Jack got out of the bed and pulled on a faded sweatshirt.
With just a trace of bitterness, Greg relented, "Ok, ok. But will you get me that aspirin first?"
Jack just nodded and went to get the aspirin.
--------------------------
Doug was humming as he cooked breakfast. Pancakes sizzled in the pan and filled the small kitchen with their warm apple-cinnamony scent. Realizing that he had made far too much batter and so was going to have far too many pancakes, Doug considered what Jack and Jen were doing this morning. Who doesn't like pancakes? thought Doug and before he could talk himself out of it, he took the pan off the burner and picked up the phone. He dialed Jack's phone number from memory.
As the phone rang, Doug felt his heart start to race. It's just pancakes. A friendly little brunch. No big deal. It's just pancakes. On the fourth ring, Doug felt his resolve leave him and just as he was about to hang up, he heard a female voice screech "Hello!?"
Doug snatched the phone back to his ear and asked quizzically, "Jen?"
"Hello? Who is it?" Jen's loud, laughing voice made Doug both cringe and smile. "Stop it Jack! Can't you see I'm on the phone? Your phone you'll note. Stop it! Stop! Hell-oh? Is anyone there?"
"Hi Jen, it's Doug. Doug Witter. Sheriff Witter." Doug shook his head and marveled at his ineptitude. My lameness knows no bounds, he thought to himself.
"Jack - it's the law! I told you you were doing it wrong! The cops are coming to stop you! Save us!"
Doug could hear the two friends tussle over the phone and couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
"Give me that phone Jen!"
"Or you'll what?" she teased, "You'll whisk me to death?"
"Give it to me," insisted a laughing Jack. "I know your weaknesses Lindley!"
Suddenly there was an even louder burst of laughter and the sound of the phone being dropped. Doug wondered what exactly was going on over there. Whatever it was, it sounded like fun. After a minute or so, Jack gained control of the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello? Doug?"
"He's murdering eggs!" hollered Jen from the background still laughing. "And you're a cheater, Jack McPhee!"
"Hi Jack. I hear you're a cheater," said Doug jovially.
"Oh no, some people are just sore losers."
"And the egg murdering accusation?"
"Blown way out of proportion. I was trying to make omelets but, well, it's not going smoothly and…"
"Not going smoothly?" Jen squealed from across the room. "There are eggs on the ceiling and in my hair! It's carnage Doug! Total carnage!"
"On the ceiling?" asked Doug smiling. Jack really wasn't much of a cook.
"It was a fluke. Really. What's up with you?"
"Actually, I was just calling to see if you guys wanted to come over and have some pancakes…"
Taken aback a bit, Jack stammered, "Wow. Uhm, yeah. That's really nice but Jen's here and…"
"I gathered as much," interrupted Doug cheerfully, "The invitation is all inclusive."
Feeling awkward, Jack heard himself hurriedly saying, "And so is Greg and well, there are eggs all over the place and while my omelets are kind of a disaster, they make ok scrambled eggs so we should probably just eat them otherwise, it's just a waste you know?"
"Greg's there…" said a quietly stunned Doug. Staring at the bowl of pancake batter, Doug felt very stupid.
"Yeah," sighed Jack.
Telling himself to hold it together, Doug too nonchalantly replied, "Greg's there. Of course he is. He's your boyfriend after all. Tell him hello for me. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll see you around…"
"Doug, listen…" interrupted Jack
"I gotta run Jack," said Doug tersely. All he wanted was to be off the phone, he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice as he said, "Have a great day." And with that he hung up.
Turning back to the stove, he brusquely turned off the burner. Grabbing the large bowl of fragrant batter, he walked over to the sink and began pouring it down the disposal. Turning on the water, he washed out the bowl, the skillet and the sundry other dishes he had so cheerfully dirtied only minutes ago. He knew it was ludicrous to feel so rejected over a last minute invitation to pancakes.
But it was more than the pancakes. He had thought he and Jack had made some headway last night. Obviously, he had read too much into it. Jack had said "friends" and apparently that's what he really meant. Jack was dating someone. And it was serious enough that Greg had spent the night, New Years Eve night, at Jack's place. Doug knew Jack took relationships seriously so Jack must care about him.
Doug told himself that he had been deluding himself about Jack for too long. If there had been something between them, Doug had blown it. It's not going to work. Frowning, Doug resolved to put his feelings for Jack behind him. It felt completely impossible but he knew it was necessary. He was going to have to find a way to do it.
The phone startled Doug out of his reverie. Quickly he picked it up, figuring that it had to be work. He couldn't have been more surprised when he heard Jen's voice on the line.
"Doug? Look I only have a minute. Jack's scraping the egg off the ceiling," Jen's voice was an intense whisper in Doug's ear. "He doesn't know I'm calling ok - I'm not even sure I should be calling but…it's not going to work you should know that…"
"Don't worry, Jen. I've figured it out. I'll leave him alone," grumbled Doug indignantly.
"Not you two you dummy. Greg and Jack. Jack thinks he's gotta give it the old college try but it won't matter ok? It's doomed. You've just gotta wait it out."
"I can't believe you are calling me and telling me…"
"Just shut up Doug. I know it sucks to be told to hang in there, it's unfair and emotional torture and usually, I'm 100% against it. Life is too short to pine. But the thing is, he wants you. He doesn't want to want you, but he does. And one of these days, he'll wake up and he'll think he's blown it and I want him to be wrong. So don't give up. Look, I gotta go. He just left the kitchen..."
"Jen?" said Doug.
"What?" she asked quickly. Doug could almost see her eyes darting around as she tried to figure out where Jack was exactly.
"Thanks."
"So you'll do it? You'll be patient? You'll wait?"
"I think he's worth it," said Doug sincerely.
"You're right. He is. Bye," with that Jen hung up and Doug was left stunned once again. Only this time, he relished the feeling. He just had to be patient. He was good at that.
Hey where have you been hiding?
In a land far away
Oh I can't stay away
But you're wrapped in the arms of another.
All my life I've been searching for someone,
Someone who's true
Oh someone just like you.
But I'm lost looking in the haze
I can't make it past this stage
While you're wrapped in the arms of another, another.
Oh it tears me up inside
And I know in my heart
That you were meant for me
And if we're meant to be then it will be
If we're meant to be then it will be
Hey where have you been hiding?
You're so beautiful and free
Oh why can't our love be
I guess it's cause you're still
Wrapped in the arms of another
Oh it tears me up inside
cause i know in my heart
That you were meant for me
And if we're meant to be then it will be
If we're meant to be then it will be
-- Wrapped In The Arms Of Another
by Susan Tedeschi
end part 9