Doug walked down the recently deserted hallway. Capeside High was quiet but the echo of the busy day and loud students still hung in the air. Doug smiled thinking back to the days when he had been a student here. He'd been a good student of course, John Witter would have accepted no less, and he was well liked; but he had always felt very much on his own. He ran track and field, studied hard, and kept to himself. All in all, high school had been a solitary but not unpleasant experience for Doug.
His recent return to Capeside High, as a leader of the Safe Harbor program had been surprisingly rewarding; at least so far. He enjoyed getting to know the students, putting faces to names and learning to tell the difference between teenage fact and teenage fiction. Doug didn't mention it to anyone, but he felt he was learning just as much, if not more, than he was teaching.
Speaking of teaching...Doug couldn't help but wonder if Jack was still around somewhere. He hadn't spoken to him since the awkward car ride last Thursday - the night Jack told him that he and Greg had broken up - the night Doug made an obvious, desperate fool out of himself over the news. Why can't I be just a little bit smooth? Doug wondered. The short car ride to Jack's place had been almost comically tense. Neither man knew just what to say. At one point Doug commented how much he liked the song on the radio only to realize a split second later that it was an old Britney Spears song he despised. Jack just looked at him like he was crazy but didn't argue or make a joke about it. They both just sat there uncomfortably as the lyrics filled the car:
...I'm not a girl/ Not yet a woman/ All I need is time/ A moment that is mine/ While I'm in between/ I'm not a girl/ But if you look at me closely/ You will see it my eyes/ This girl will always find/ Her way/ I'm not a girl...
When they got to Jack's, Doug put the car in park but didn't turn it off. "So..." began Jack.
"So?" interrupted Doug nervously.
"So, I'll call you. We'll talk more. About..."
"Right. Ok." Doug nodded, "Sounds great."
"Did I tell you? I'm going to New York this weekend. Tomorrow, right after school?" Jack looked embarrassed, as if he had been caught doing something wrong.
Doug continued to nod. He wondered if he could stop nodding. "To see Jen - yeah you mentioned it. Tell her hi for me."
Jack smiled, "I will. Yeah. So, we'll talk when I get back?"
"Sure thing," Doug hoped he didn't sound as anxious as he felt. "When you get back or you know, whenever."
"Great."
"Great"
Jack looked at Doug intently as if he were debating something in his head. It was only a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime to Doug. Finally Jack opened the car door and turned to go. Doug felt bubbles of disappointment well up inside him. He wanted so desperately to say the right thing. He opened his mouth and said, "Don't get mugged Jack. In the city..."
Once again Jack just looked at him like he was totally crazy but all he said was, "I'll do my best." Jack walked up to his house, waved goodbye and disappeared inside.
Doug put the car in reverse and mentally scolded himself for being so incredibly lame. On the radio, Britney continued to mewl, "All I need is time/A moment that is mine/ While I'm in between/ I'm not a girl/ Not yet a woman."
Doug couldn't help it, he laughed: at himself, the song, the world, everything that seemed to conspire to make him feel comfortable with being uncomfortable.
The sharp sound of shattering glass brought Doug back to the here and now. He paused and listened carefully. The sound came again and Doug realized it came from the chemistry lab he had just passed. Shaking his head, he opened the chem. lab door and saw Cliff Granger standing back by the supply shelves. He was obviously holding something behind his back. Several broken test tubes and beakers lay on the floor at his feet.
"Hey Sheriff. I thought that was you I saw walk by," said Cliff uneasily.
"Startled you did I?" asked Doug. He crossed his arms and leveled his most serious 'You're busted' look at Cliff.
"I'm just helping Mrs. Mulligan clean up the lab..."
"Looks to me like you're making the mess here Cliff."
"Uh, just a little accident," Cliff looked frantically around the room as he tried to come up with a plausible excuse to cover up this latest transgression. He couldn't come up with anything.
Doug pressed his advantage, "You're a sophomore aren't you Cliff?"
"Yes. Sir. Yessir."
"Chemistry's a junior/senior level class isn't it?"
"Well..." Cliff stared at the floor intently and prayed for it to open up and swallow him.
"What's that you've got behind your back son?"
Cliff shifted uneasily and bit his lip, "I...uhmm, it's no big deal..."
"Tell you what, I'll be the judge of that," said Doug sternly. "You put whatever it is on the table here and then go get a broom and start sweeping up that glass."
Quickly, Cliff considered his options - do what the Sheriff said or learn to teleport like right this minute. He sighed and set the jar on the table and went to get the broom from the back of the classroom. As he swept, he kept his attention focused on the glass shards and the floor.
Doug walked across the room and picked up the jar. It was labeled saltpeter. Doug sighed and said, "You don't mind if I look in your bag do you Cliff?" Doug didn't wait for an answer, "Of course you don't. Why would you? You have nothing to hide right?" He picked up the backpack and unzipped it. Sure enough, underneath what could only be Cliff's gym clothes by the smell of things, Doug found a five-pound bag of sugar.
"Let me guess, somebody got the Anarchist's Cookbook for Christmas?"
Cliff looked up surprised, "How did you...?"
"Saltpeter and sugar is the classic smoke bomb recipe. I guess I should be glad you didn't start with pipe bombs..."
"I don't want to hurt anybody! Smoke bombs are just...hilarious and cool and a good way to maybe get out of a Spanish test...or something. Theoretically. I mean, I can't fail that test." Cliff dumped the glass he had swept up into the trashcan and sat down heavily on one of the stools. He looked miserable and totally despondent.
"Cliff, this sad sack bull isn't going to work on me ok?" Doug sat across from Cliff and eyed him levelly.
Cliff tried to maintain his woe-is-me posture but it was obvious that the Sheriff wasn't buying it. Grinning sheepishly, he straightened up and said, "Shit Sheriff. I am totally going to fail that test. La grande flunko."
"Ever consider studying?" asked Doug. He had to struggle to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "And I think it would be 'El flunko grande'." Cliff couldn't seem to stop himself; he rolled his eyes and sighed again. Doug continued, "From what I hear your buddy Olivia Perkins is pretty bueño en español. Ask her to help you out."
"Why would she help me?"
"That girl is a good friend to you Granger. I hope you are at least smart enough to realize that. She thinks you're good people and she believes in you - that's a rare gift. Trust me, you aren't going to get unlimited chances with a girl like Olivia."
Cliff looked ashamed but played it tough, "Whatever. Can I go?"
Doug relented, "Go on, get out of here but listen up - if I hear of one smoke bomb, one stink bomb, anything like that Cliff...you and I are going to have another conversation and it's not going to be nearly as pleasant as this one. This is your last get out of jail free card. Got it?" Doug was absolutely serious and utterly intimidating.
"Got it." Cliff nodded his head nervously and tried to smile, "I got it. It's gotten. Totally gotten."
Doug leveled his gazed at Cliff and in his most severe tone said, "It had better be. Now get out of here."
As Cliff hurried out of the classroom, Doug smiled. He put the saltpeter away and left a note for Mrs. Mulligan explaining the situation and urging her to lock up some of the more prank-worthy chemicals.
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Outside, Cliff marveled at his good fortune. He'd gotten caught yes, but for once, he hadn't gotten into any trouble. A near miss with no punishment, it made a guy feel downright cheerful. Looking around he saw Olivia over at the bike racks fussing with her bike lock. Jauntily he walked over and said, "Perkins, hey, what's up with that wack hat you're sportin'?"
Startled, Olivia looked up and said, "Who says 'wack' these days Cliff? What are you fifty years old?" She self-consciously touched the pink and yellow hat and continued in a small voice, "Besides my Grammy made it for me." Olivia blushed a little bit as she stood up.
"Your Grammy?" Cliff's voice dripped with sarcasm and laughter. "Oh, your Grammy made it!"
"It's her name!"
"Is that's what it says on her birth certificate? And here I thought Cliff was bad!"
"It's what we call her! It's short for Grandmother. Which you know! And also, shut up!" Olivia yanked her bike from the rack and wondered why she always let Cliff's teasing get to her in the first place. She glared at him. He was a total pain. And she was a total sucker for liking him so much.
Cliff laughed and took a second to admire Olivia's pretty, annoyed-with-him face and long red hair. The pink and yellow knit hat did look really silly and he fought the urge to yank it down over her eyes.
"Settle down there little miss Huffy McTouchypants! I was just saying hello." He elbowed her jovially.
"Funny, hello from you sounds a lot like an insult! I'd work on that if you ever expect to get a job let alone keep one!"
Cliff pretended to be offended, "You malign my employment potential? Who's being insulting now? What would Grammy say?"
"Probably something like 'Why don't you punch that half-wit Cliff Granger in the mouth more often?' Yeah, that sounds like her." Olivia tried to keep her voice tough and menacing but it was impossible with Cliff smiling at her like that and he knew it.
"Half-wit huh? My stock seems to be going up! Last week I was a three-eighths wit," teased Cliff. He had known Olivia forever and as far as he was concerned one of the best parts of their friendship was that they both thought he was funny. Not too many people really got Cliff. He was glad that Olivia was one of the few who did. Smart, sweet, tougher-than-she-looked Olivia. "So, what are you doing?"
"I'm going home. Why?"
Leaning back on the nearly empty bike rack, Cliff stretched, put his hands behind his head and said, "Ah, home. Land of muffins, apple cider and the indomitable Alberto Fuzzykins. How's the mouse killer anyway?"
A little perplexed, Olivia squinted at him and asked, "What's up with you? Why are you asking about my cat? Have you been hit on the head?"
"No, no. No new head damage to speak of."
"Are you," she paused and looked him square in the face, "are you drunk?" She sniffed disapprovingly, her nose searching for telltale remains of beer or more likely, Schnapps he had stolen from his mother. She didn't smell anything unusual.
"No!" Taken aback Cliff repeated, "No. Seriously no. I'm just killing time until you aren't mad at me," confessed Cliff cheerfully. "So how's the family? Read any good books lately? Nice day? How 'bout those Red Sox?"
Olivia rolled her eyes and said, "I'm not mad at you Cliff."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Really, really?"
"Really, really." Olivia confirmed. This was one of those things the two of them had done since the third grade - why settle for one answer when you could get two? "So what do you want?"
"Well, now that you ask, maybe I could use a little help studying for the Spanish test..."
Olivia couldn't help it, she was shocked, "You? Want to study? For a test? Are you sure you haven't been hit on the head Cliff?"
"I know, I know. But hey I can flip a new leaf once in awhile can't I?"
"I guess," answered Olivia but she continued to eyeball him, "It's just weird is all."
"Tell me about it. But you'll help me? Even though it's probably a hopeless task?"
"Un trabajo muy desesperado," laughed Olivia.
"Huh?"
"A very hopeless task," translated Olivia helpfully. But she relented, "Come on." She started walking toward home and motioned for Cliff to follow.
Relieved, he stood there for a second and watched his friend push her vintage three-speed bike away from the school. He wished he was more like her - she was so cool in a totally dorky way that was all her own.
"Getting cold feet Cliff?" called Olivia over her shoulder but she kept walking.
Smirking, Cliff ran to catch up saying, "There will be muffins at your house won't there? Otherwise I might not bother..." As he caught up, he gave into an earlier impulse and yanked Olivia's hat down over her eyes and ears. She screeched and he laughed and felt better than he had in weeks.
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Jack sat at his desk grading papers. He had gotten exactly none of them graded while in New York City visiting Jen and Grams and so he was trying to get caught up. The trip had been enjoyable but Jen had seemed preoccupied about something. Twice Jack and caught Jen and Grams huddled together whispering furtively. Whatever it was, Jack hadn't been able to pry it out of either one of them. They claimed it was girl talk, female plumbing issues and nothing for him to worry about. Jack wanted to believe them but he didn't - not completely.
"Hey Jack. You busy?" a soft voice interrupted his train of thought. He smiled and looked up to see the very welcome sight of Doug standing in the doorway of his classroom. Doug looked remarkably handsome and imposing in his uniform. As usual. He also looked a little bit nervous. Also as usual.
"Hey! Hi! I am yeah. But on come in...if you've got a minute."
Doug walked in and sat down. He noticed Jack's rumpled hair, the chewed up pen he held and the piles of papers on his desk and said, "Can't you just give everybody a C and call it a day?" His eyes twinkled at Jack.
Jack's smile deepened and he felt himself unwind a little. "Hardly seems fair, but it's tempting."
"How was the trip?"
"Good. Great. We went to a great new Italian place around the corner from Jen's apartment. Of course we went there five times in the two days I was there so if I don't see another lasagna for awhile that'd be great." Jack was aware he was starting to ramble. He wondered if Doug had thought about him half as often as he had thought about Doug in the past three days. Jack knew that they were on the edge of something big and real, and that was as scary as it was intriguing. Jack had come to terms with the fact that he wanted Doug - very much - and that Doug was interested as well. But desire wasn't the whole issue. Far from it. He knew both of them were very fragile albeit in very different ways. There seemed to be a lot of ways for things to go wrong and plenty of ways for them both to get hurt.
"How is Jen?"
Doug's question brought Jack out of his reverie, "She's great but, anxious you know? And a little petrified. Suffering the occasional freak out." He smiled as he remembered her dithering about what to with the nursery:
"Pink? Or is it too girly? Or is it sexist for me to think pink is girly? It is! I mean, what's wrong with girly anyway? It's not an insult. She's a girl! What about yellow? Wait, I hate yellow - it's too vehemently cheerful. Too in-your-face happy. No yellow! Cross yellow off the list! Or does that mean I'm dooming my little girl to a lifetime of depression and melancholy? Uncross yellow. Peach? Green? Not green. Aqua? White? Is white too stark? Or is it modern and hip? What about pink? Do you think pink is too girly Jack? Can we go get lasagna?"
Her inability to decide meant they got nothing at all done. And technically that's why he had made the trip. But he had been more than happy to leave the painting and such for another weekend.
"When's the baby due?" asked Doug.
"The doctor says April 5th - give or take."
Doug's eyes widened, "Wow, that's soon. It's like six weeks right? No wonder she's freaking out. I'd be freaking out too."
"You? The calm, the capable Sheriff Witter? I seriously doubt it," scoffed Jack.
"You're right - what's so hard about being a parent? It's probably a snap figuring it all out. Mine were picture perfect after all. Yours too right? And Jen's - she thinks her parents were textbook terrific I bet. And being a single parent - even easier - no one to hash things out with, no one to argue with, and no one to get in your way. Piece of cake."
Doug's droll sense of humor made Jack laugh, "Yeah, yeah, point proven. I guess none of us grew up with the best parental role models."
"And yet, we all turned out great," said Doug.
"Well, we turned out anyway. That's something," replied Jack. For a moment he let himself get lost in the ocean of Doug's blue eyes just to see what it felt like.
For his part, Doug held Jack's ardent gaze, but all too quickly he felt his throat tighten and the blood rush to his face. Abashed, he stood up and said, "Ok, well I should let you get back to work." Doug's heart was beating like crazy and it made him feel lightheaded and giddy but he played it cool.
Jack did too, "Yeah, I really want to try and get this done tonight." He shuffled the piles of papers in front of him.
Doug nodded sympathetically, "Good luck." He hesitated and found himself fighting the urge to touch Jack. He wanted to push back his hair or just lay a hand on his shoulder or something. Instead he forced himself to walk towards the classroom door. His feet seemed very unwilling.
Jack watched him go and knew he couldn't leave it at that. "Hey Doug?"
Doug turned around and eagerly said, "Yeah Jack?"
For a minute Jack felt his confidence falter but he swallowed his uncertainty and casually asked, "You wanna go see a movie Saturday night? Or get dinner? With me?"
Doug felt his face open up in a huge grin but he compelled himself to respond with a relaxed, "Sure, that sounds fun."
Jack delighted in Doug's beaming smile and said, "Great, I'll call you later and we'll figure it out."
"Sure. Great. Ok, I'll see you later." Doug didn't move - he kept smiling at Jack.
Jack smiled back, "See ya."
"Don't work too hard," advised Doug sagely. He remained standing in the door of the classroom, his stubborn feet resolute.
"Don't worry, I won't. I'm not all that type A really."
"Ok. Well, bye."
"Bye."
With that Doug's stubborn feet let go and started moving. As he walked down the dark hall, Doug did a playful little skip. From the classroom, he heard Jack's voice call after him, "I'll call you!"
Without thinking about it, Doug heard himself holler back, "You better!" The words reverberated off the empty walls but Doug didn't care; he merely laughed and headed out the door.
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There's a place I dream about
Where the sun never goes out
And the sky is deep and blue.
Won't you take me there with you.
Ohhh, we can begin again.
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again.
shaa nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
shaa nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
There's a world I've always known
Somewhere far away from home
When I close my eyes I see
All the space and mystery
Ohhh, we can begin again
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again
sha nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
Oohhh, we can begin again
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in
At the edge of the ocean
We can start over again
At the edge of the ocean
we can start over again
sha nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah nah nah nah nah
sha nah nah
sha nah nah
Edge of the Ocean
by Ivy
Author's note: I want to thank everyone *again* for their patience and dedication. And I want to apologize for the long delay between updates. I'm always doing that aren't I? Well, I just want you to know that I really do try to get the updates done as fast as I can. Sometimes it just seems the fates are working against me. I've got some good stuff coming up and I'm excited to write it so hopefully things will go smoothly and the updates will come quickly. Please hang in there! I really do appreciate it! You guys are a great audience.
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