Seek and Go Hide
Part thirteen
Doug sat at his desk and cheerfully contemplated the stacks of completed paperwork. He'd been steadfastly working at it all morning but finally, it was all done and he was all caught up. I've earned my lunch break today, thought Doug with a smile.
His intercom buzzed and Marie said, "Sheriff, Jack McPhee on line two for you."
"Thanks Marie," said Doug as he picked up the phone. "Hey Jack. What's up?"
"Not much, I've got a minute before my next class so I thought I'd call." Jack continued, "About Saturday."
"Right. What did you have in mind?" asked a pleased Doug.
"Well, we could grab dinner. Or we could go see a movie. Or we could go crazy," Jack paused dramatically, "and do both - dinner and a movie. What do you think?"
Doug found himself nervously nodding into the phone, "Sounds good to me."
"Which?" asked Jack warmly.
"All of it."
"Cool. How about I pick you up at 7:30?"
"Ok. Hey Jack..."
"Yeah?"
"Is it..?" Doug heard a bell go off in the background, "Never mind. Go teach your class."
"Yeah, time and The Odyssey wait for no man. See ya!"
"Bye." Doug hung up the phone and wondered about the tight, sick feeling in his stomach. If he didn't know better, he would have thought he didn't want to go. Of course I want to go. I just need some lunch. It's late, thought Doug.
Standing up, he stretched for a minute. Doug told himself that sitting at a desk for five hours straight would make anybody stiff and sore and that he wasn't getting old. He also mentally made a note to go to the gym tonight after work. From out front he heard laughter and decided to see what was going on.
As he walked down the hall, Doug became aware of the topic of conversation between Marie and Officers Willis and Hamilton. Slowly he came to a stop and he felt all the air leave his body. He didn't want to eavesdrop but suddenly he didn't have a choice.
The three of them were laughing over what had just been said. "Good one Bill!" exclaimed Carl Hamilton. Marie was wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"Here's another one! Ok, ok, what do a fag and an ambulance have in common?" Bill didn't wait for anyone to answer, "They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!" As he said "whoo-whoo" in a high voice, Bill flapped his hands, batted his eyes, and shook his hips from side to side. Everyone cracked up.
Doug just stood there. These were good people and they didn't mean any harm but that fact didn't make Doug feel any better. He cleared his throat loudly and said, "What's going on here?"
All three looked startled but Bill recovered quickly. "We're just having a little fun Sheriff."
"So I gathered. But telling offensive jokes? Making fun of people? I expect better from you Bill," Doug's anger and disappointment were obvious.
"I wasn't making fun of anybody..." insisted Bill.
"No, you were making fun of an entire group of people. Explain how's that better. More importantly, what got you started telling gay jokes just now?" Doug crossed his arms and stared at Bill.
Bill didn't say anything. Neither did Carl or Marie.
"I'll bet it was because Jack McPhee called huh? He's a friend of mine, which you know. And more importantly, he's a respected member of this community. He deserves your respect, not your bigoted ill-mannered contempt."
Finally Carl spoke up, "We didn't mean no disrespect Sheriff. It was just a joke..."
"I know that Carl, but the thing is, jokes like that...well. We don't tell racial or ethnic jokes here do we? No, we don't, because that fosters an environment where skin color matters more than who the person is. Same goes for homophobia, and I don't want to hear it."
Marie, Carl and Bill all had the decency to look embarrassed. They silently nodded their agreement. Then Marie spoke quietly, "One of my cousins has a theory that the more time you spend with homosexuals the more likely you are to become gay. Do you think that's so?"
"It's not contagious Marie," answered Doug patiently.
"But it makes sense if you think about it," said Bill pensively. "How many kids left Capeside and became gay once they hit the big city? There's Claire Daily she moved to New York, Jim Murano went to Chicago..."
Carl chimed in, "Louis Emerson - he went to San Francisco - he had no chance. That town's full of them queers and they're always recruiting."
Confronted with so much ignorance Doug didn't know what to say, "You ever think maybe these kids were gay when they left Capeside?" was the best he could do.
"Nah, they were raised right."
"He's right Sheriff, they do all come from good families," agreed Marie forthrightly. "So if my cousin's theory is true, well then shouldn't you be careful how much time you spend with Mr. McPhee? I mean the students never spend enough time with him one on one so they're safe. Probably."
Her sincerity was breaking Doug's heart. He sighed and heard himself say, "Hanging out with Jack is not going to make me gay."
"Well, you better watch your back," snickered Carl. Seeing Doug's tense face he immediately apologized, "Sorry." Carl couldn't manage to keep all the sarcasm out of his voice.
"What exactly do you have against gay people Carl?"
"I haven't got anything against them. I just don't trust them is all. They're, you know, sneaky, kind of abnormal and weak, like effeminate. And come on who wants to kiss a guy? It's not natural!" Carl guffawed in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Funny I heard your wife saying something along those lines the other day," snapped Doug. The others laughed thinking he was joining in on their fun. Doug didn't know what to do. Somehow their genuine ignorance was more disturbing than the cruel, mean spirited jokes. He felt the knots in his stomach tighten. He wished more than anything that he hadn't walked in on this conversation. Sneaky. Abnormal. Weak. Each word felt like a punch in the solar plexus. All he wanted right now was to get out of the station and away from these people. People he liked; people he thought he knew. "I'm going to get lunch. I'll be back in an hour."
As he left the station house, Doug heard them murmuring among themselves. Right before the door closed, he heard Carl say, "So, one more: what do you call a queer dinosaur? A Megasorass." The muffled laughter seemed to follow him down the steps and out on to the sidewalk.
-----
Pacey stood behind the bar at the Ice House chatting amiably with the late-lunchers. He glanced at the clock and wondered where Doug was. He had spoken to his brother the night before and Doug had said he'd be by for lunch. And here it was, almost 2:30 and Doug hadn't turned up yet. It was very unlike his typically reliable big brother.
-----
Instead of heading over to the Ice House per his earlier plans, Doug found himself making a beeline for the gym. Once there, he changed into the extra workout clothes he kept in his locker. A few folks tried to make small talk but quickly discovered that Sheriff Witter was in no mood for chitchat.
Angry as he was, Doug still took a few minutes to warm up. As soon as he was done, he focused on the red punching bag hanging in the corner of the weight room. He started out slowly but before long he was beating the crap out of the bag and breathing hard. Pop! Wham! Whoomp! Jabs, hooks, and uppercuts flew fast and furious for about ten minutes until Doug just about fell over from the sustained effort. Doug stopped and took a long drink from his water bottle. He bent over at the waist and tried to catch his breath. He felt spent and now that it was all over, he really wished he had his bag gloves on. His hands instantly hurt like hell and he knew the pain was going to get worse before it went away.
Doug wiped the sweat dripping from his face and got down on the floor to do some crunches. Drained as he was, he still wasn't ready to quit. After 50 fast crunches, Doug allowed himself a moment to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. All too soon the words came back to him Sneaky. Abnormal. Weak. Only instead of hearing Carl saying it, he heard his father, John Witter deliver the slurs. Sneaky. Abnormal. Weak. Faggot. Queer. Doug forced himself to get up. He headed for the pool and hoped that doing a few laps might finish him off and banish the hateful words from his mind.
-----
Later that night, Doug sat on his couch watching TV and icing his hands. The rest of his day had been uneventful and he felt like he had sleepwalked through it. Both Bill and Marie had apologized again and said they hadn't meant anything by their comments. Carl was out on patrol so Doug was spared having to witness another halfhearted apology from him. That, at least, was good.
Doug glanced up at the clock and was surprised to see it was already 10:30pm. Where had the night gone? Sighing, he got up and went into the kitchen. He threw the blue gel ice packs back in the freezer and practiced flexing his hands. Ouch. He was startled out of his thoughts when the phone rang.
"Hello?" he answered none too cheerfully and tried to hold the phone between his shoulder and ear.
"Dougie! You're a little late for lunch bro." Pacey's happy, loud voice filled Doug's ears and made his head ring.
"Pacey, quit shouting! And don't call me bro, little bro."
Doug heard a semi-muffled Pacey shout, "Corey, turn down the music wouldya?" Then in a more normal voice, "Sorry Doug, didn't realize it was so loud. So what's going on?"
"Nothing," answered Doug tersely.
"Fun, fun," enthused a sarcastic Pacey. "I thought you were coming by for lunch today?"
"Well, I didn't you moron," snapped Doug. He didn't know why he was being so short with Pacey other than old habits died hard. Lashing out at Pacey had practically been a sport for Doug for a good number of years.
"Well, I know that you ass," Pacey barked back. He calmed himself down and said, "Jesus Dougie, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"Obviously that's not true. Look I'm just closing up - why don't you come over? We can talk."
"I don't want to talk."
"Well then, come over and have a drink. And before you say you don't want a drink, let me tell you - from the sound of things, you need one."
There was a pause while Doug thought about it. Finally he answered, "Fine. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Oh goodie! I can't wait!" said Pacey sardonically. He laughed when he realized he was talking to a dial tone.
----------
"So you have a date!" exclaimed Pacey. "That's great." He saw Doug whip around to see if anybody was listening. "Cool your jets Doug. The only people here are two very self-involved teenagers, you and I. And trust me, they don't care what we are talking about. Here, I'll show you." Pacey walked to the other end of the bar and called out, "Corey!" When he got no response, he called louder, "Hey Corey?" Still there was no response so Pacey bellowed, "Corey Morris - front and center!"
From the back of the restaurant came the sound of laughter and hustling feet. "Sorry boss, I guess I didn't hear you."
"I guess not," agreed Pacey as he gave Doug an I-told-you-so look. "Did you scrub out the kitchen trash cans yet?"
"Urg," Corey made a grossed-out face and said, "do I have to do that tonight?"
"No. I just asked you about it because I love having this conversation with you." Seeing Corey's baffled look Pacey clarified, "Yes, you have to do it tonight. Hop to."
Doug laughed into his scotch and Corey shuffled away and opined, "Fine. I'll be out back. In the freezing cold." Corey looked back woefully at Pacey. If he was looking for mercy, there was none forthcoming. But he wasn't the type of guy to just shut up and so he continued his grousing, "Performing slave labor. In a dark parking lot. Late, Late at night. And I forgot my gloves..." He disappeared into the kitchen.
"You said 'hop to'! Just like Dad," Doug chuckled. "Hop to!"
"So about this date of yours," said Pacey smoothly changing the subject.
"It's not a date," responded Doug dully. "We're just having dinner and seeing a movie."
"Dougie, "Pacey smiled kindly at his older brother, "I know it's been awhile for you, but that's customarily what people do on a date. Especially a first date. Dinner and/or a movie and/or bowling and/or oral sex. Those are the traditions. And they are good."
"Then apparently you and I had a date when we went and saw Starsky & Hutch 2 and had dinner at Hattie's Crab Shack over in Newport last weekend."
"Dougie! Do not go there! Don't ever go there!" exclaimed a horrified Pacey but his eyes were twinkling with mirth.
"Jack and I...we're just...hanging out. It's no big deal. It's not a date." Doug didn't know who he was trying to convince - Pacey or himself.
"It's not huh?"
Doug drank the rest of the scotch in his glass and sighed, "I don't think so." He gingerly made a fist and winced but he wouldn't look at Pacey.
"Oh, ok." Pacey had noticed Doug's swollen hands and dejected attitude from the moment he had walked into the Ice House. Pacey was dying to know who had been on the other end of Doug's fists but clearly Doug wasn't going to talk about it tonight. Pacey figured it was better not to press the issue. Maybe he'd have a talk with Jack and see what he had to say.
-----
The next night, Pacey went over to Jack's place. The two friends played video games and ate far too much pizza. Just like the old days.
Pacey and Jack were in the middle of a fierce battle in Halo 3 at when Jack nonchalantly asked, "Did Doug tell you he and I are going out on our first date?"
Pacey was concentrating on the screen and answered without thinking, "He said it wasn't a date."
Jack looked away from the TV and stared at Pacey, "He did?" The confusion was evident in his voice but Pacey was too involved in the game to pay attention.
"He wasn't sure. Look out for that...dude you're so splattered!" Pacey looked up from the game and it finally dawned on him that Jack was upset by what he had said. "Jack?"
"Well if Doug doesn't think it's a date then I guess it's not." Jack put down his joystick and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed two beers and came back and sat heavily on the sofa. "It's not a date," he bitterly repeated. "Fine."
Pacey paused the game and took the second beer from Jack, "But it was?" he asked.
Jack answered with a brusque, "No."
Pacey wasn't going to let it go that easily. "But it was?" he reiterated.
"I don't know," was all Jack could say.
-----
When he got home Pacey felt obligated to call Doug and let him know what had been said. He's going to be pissed, thought Pacey even as he dialed Doug's number. Why do I get involved in these things? It's always a bad idea.
Doug picked up on the fourth ring, "Pacey, it's after midnight." Doug's voice sounded husky with sleep, "A lot after midnight."
Pacey figured he better get right to the point and blurted out, "Jack thought it was a date." Pacey could hear Doug sit up in bed.
"He did? Wait, thought - past tense?"
"Well, I told him you didn't think it was..." Pacey winced waiting for Doug's reply.
"What?"
Pacey rushed to get the rest of it out before he lost his nerve, "And he said if you didn't think so then it wasn't..."
All Doug said was, "Oh."
"But it was. A date." Pacey felt it was important that he make that clear.
"So what is it now?" wondered Doug.
"I have no idea," was all Pacey could say.
-----
Save me from the dark of night
I'm drifting like a satellite
Miles from understanding
Where this love will lead
Heaven let your light fall down on me
Now I'm over-thinking
Love can't be this hard
We seem to be spinning worlds apart
Sometimes truth is hard to touch
We give too little, expect too much
Promises forever hiding in our eyes
Worlds of chances passing by
Now I'm over-thinking
Love can't be this hard
We seem to be drifting worlds apart
You could wait forever
Lord I can't do that
Spend a lifetime looking back
Now I'm over-thinking
Love can't be this hard
We seem to be spinning worlds apart
You could wait forever
Lord I can't do that
Spend a lifetime looking back
Now I'm over-thinking
Ooh, yeah yeah yeah
Love can't be this hard
Yeah yeah yeah...
We seem to be spinning worlds apart
-- Worlds Apart
by Jude Cole