Club Hellven Chapter 5: Jellicle Cats, a lxg fanfic

A/N: Whoops. I've just realised I didn't put down what song the previous chapter came from, so the previous (which is "El Tango De Raven", for those of you who have lousy memories -- yours truly included) is El Tango De Roxanne, from the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack. It's a great CD, and if you don't have it yet, you don't know what you're missing. Really!

*Skinner goes off to have a word with Dorian (a-hem) and Raven goes back to her seat, with the rest of the League*

Ash: *looks drunk*

Clez: Uh, Sethoz? Rave? I think Ash needs to go outside...

Ash: *muttering something about cats*

Sethoz: *helps Clez drag Ash to the outside of the club*

*Outside, the night is dark, but Hellven City's lights are bright and beautiful, lighting up the sky*

Ash: *leans against the railing, looking down on the Vegas-like city, since the Club is located on a hill that looks over Hellven City*

Sethoz: *whispers to Clez* Are you sure she's not gonna fall?

Clez: *whispers back* Nah. I think a song's coming along...

Ash: *takes a deep breath*

Are you blind when you're born?
Can you see in the dark?

Dare you look at a king?
Would you sit on his throne?

Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?

Are you cock of the walk when you're walking alone?

Clez:

Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles would

Jellicles would and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Ash: *turns around, and it's obvious she's been hit by inspiration*

When you fall on your head do you land on your feet?

Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?

Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?

Do you know how to go to the Hellven-side Layer?

Sethoz:

Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Ash:

Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?

Familiar with candle, with book and with bell?

Were you Whittington's friend?
The Pied Piper's assistant?

Have you been an alumnus of Heaven and Hell?

Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?

Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?

Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the sphinx?

If you were, and you are, you're a Jellicle cat

Clez and Sethoz:

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Raven: *shudders* Cats are evil.

Ash:

We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze

We can turn double sumersaults, bounce on a tire

We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees

We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Clez:

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Sethoz:

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Sethoz and Clez:

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Ash:
Can you sing at the same time in more than one key

Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss

And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C'

That always triumphantly brings down the house?

Jellicle cats are queen of the nights

Singing at astronomical heights

Handling pieces from the Messiah

Hallelujah, angelical choir

*she spreads her arms open wide and does the Titanic thing*

Ash:

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity

Round the cathedral rang "Vivat,"

Life to the Everlasting Cat!

Feline, fearless, faithful and true

To others who do - what

Jellicles do and Jellicles can

Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants

Jellicles old and Jellicles new

Clez and Sethoz:

Jellicle song and Jellicle dance

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Ash:

Pactical cats, Dramatical cats!

Pragmatical cats, Fanatical cats!

Raven: *horrified look* They're all evil!

Sethoz:

Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats!

Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats!

Romantical cats, Penantical cats!

Raven: *shudders*

Clez:

Critical cats, Parasitical cats!

Allegorical cats, Metaphorical cats!

Statistical cats and Mystical cats!

Ash, Clez and Sethoz:

Political cats, Hypocritical cats!

Clerical cats, Hysterical cats!

Cynical cats, Rabbinical cats!

Raven: Cats are evil! *looks around to see if there's a cat*

Ash, Clez and Sethoz:

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Ash: *points at Dorian, who's at the entrance to the door of the Club*

There's a man over there with a look of surprise

As much as to say "Well now, how about that?"

Do I actually see with my own very eyes

A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat?

What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat?

Dorian: *comes out* What is a Jellicle cat?

Raven: You mean you don't know?! *all gasp*

Ash: *takes a deep breath and produces a rubber chicken from her coat* Die, Dorian! *chases Dorian into the distance*

Raven: ...how does she run in those heels?

Song: Jellicle Cats from the Cats soundtrack

A/N: …frankly, I have no idea what a Jellicle cat is, either. *runs off*