Seek and Go Hide
part seventeen
As the 'Escape The Timescape' credits rolled, Jack turned to Doug and said, "Well that was terrible but I loved it!"
"It had a certain chaotic charm," agreed Doug with a smile. He and Jack had spent the movie whispering and making jokes about the corny dialogue, convenient plot points and hilarious special effects. They were lucky there weren't very many people in the theatre otherwise someone might have complained.
"Any movie that has The Rock bellowing 'Shut up Timex. After this lickin' you won't be tickin'!' is a winner in my book," laughed Jack. He stood up, stretched a little, and put on his coat. The crunch of popcorn under his feet re-ignited his earlier embarrassment but he tried to play it off, "You want to go get some coffee? Or maybe some popcorn you can actually eat rather than wear?"
Doug glanced at his watch and was relieved to see that it wasn't really very late. "Coffee, sure, why not?"
As the walked out into the lobby, Doug noticed that the cashier and concessionaire kept a close eye on him and Jack. Hoping to diffuse their apparent suspicions, he stared back at them, smiled a tight smile and said, "Evening."
The cashier didn't miss a beat and replied, "Have a good night and thanks for coming to The Rialto. Please come again." As soon as she finished speaking to Doug, she turned to her co-worker and whispered something in his ear. Whatever she said caused him to burst out laughing.
Doug felt himself flush and a new set of knots formed in the pit of his stomach. He made a point to put a little more distance between he and Jack. Jack hadn't noticed anything unusual and was still carrying on about the movie, how awesome The Rock was, how it was too bad he kept doing these silly movies. Doug tried to pay attention.
They stepped outside; it had gotten considerably colder. Doug zipped up his jacket and Jack pulled a hat out of his pocket and put it on. The street was quiet. 10:30 on a Thursday night and Capeside was nearly deserted.
"I had a feeling it was going to get cold again," he said referring to his hat. "I've been feeling like I've been fighting off a cold the past few days so better safe than sorry."
"You mean better bundled and warm than infectious and phlegmy."
"Well that's a more precise, if less appealing, way of saying it," said Jack with a smile. He reached over to take Doug's hand. Doug reacted as if he had been burned.
"No Jack!" He wrenched his hand away and took a step away from Jack.
Confused, Jack stopped and said, "What?"
Doug looked around nervously, turning his head this way and that, to see if anyone had been watching. The street looked empty but you never knew. "Not here," he hissed angrily.
Jack furrowed his brow, "What do you mean not here?"
"Not where people can see us!" insisted Doug vehemently.
"What?!" This time Jack's voice was angry. He felt like Doug had just punched him in the face.
Doug just stared at him; his blue eyes a mass of bewilderment, resentment and terror. Jack felt his breath leave his body. He shook his head slowly, "No. No. No! Dammit. Doug...I thought...I thought you were ready for this...ready for me." The hurt and vulnerability in his voice made Jack wince. The last thing he wanted to do now was fall apart.
"I...I am. Ready. For you...but not...not the whole world..." Doug felt his throat tighten and a lump of tears dissolved with a bitter taste.
"No! I'm a part of the world and so are you! If you're not ready for the world...then you're not ready! Dammit!" Jack paced in a small circle. He clenched and unclenched his fists. He couldn't believe he didn't see this coming. His anger was threatening to erupt and he didn't know if he was mad at Doug or himself. Why do I put myself in these situations? thought Jack angrily. He glared at Doug.
"Can we not have this conversation here?" snapped Doug. He desperately wanted to put an end to this scene right away. Before anyone saw them, before anyone heard.
"We can have this conversation here or we can just not have it at all!" shot back Jack but he kept his voice down.
Exasperated, Doug barked, "Why are you being so stubborn!"
Jack felt something inside of him snap, "Why are you being such a coward?!"
Coward. The word hung between them for what felt like an eternity. Finally, when he couldn't take the knife-like sight of Jack scowling at him with such wounded disappointment, fury and disgust, Doug turned and, without a word, walked away.
Jack stared after him but didn't move. For a moment he felt terrible, but resolutely he turned his heart to stone. Jack told himself he was right. Doug had misled him. Doug had gotten his hopes up. Doug had made a fool of him. And he'd be damned before he went chasing after him now.
--------------------------
Doug walked into his silent apartment. He didn't bother turning on any lights. He took off his coat, kicked off his shoes and headed for the bedroom. He hadn't known he could feel both so fantastic and so wretched in the span of just a few hours. Coward. Coward. The word reverberated throughout every cell in his ice-cold body. Coward. Jack was right. He was a coward. Who was it who said 'A coward is incapable of love; it is the prerogative of the brave'? Whoever it was, they were right. Jack was right. He was a coward. He didn't deserve...he couldn't...he'd never be able to... Doug fell onto his bed and curled into a fetal position. He vaguely felt tears roll down his cheeks. He didn't cry; he didn't move. All he wanted was to sleep, to escape this horrible feeling, to escape being a coward.
--------------------------
Touch my soul, then treat me like I am a stranger
This is not the way I want to feel
Should have known a love this strong
Would bring some danger
But if it's all in my head
I'll find a way to make it end
It's magic and it's tragic
Slingshots whisper my teardrops an answer
What am I to you?
Slingshots you forgot my kisses don't miss this
What am I to you?
Shame, how you got me
Ripping words off my lips to keep from asking
I fall when you call
Press my ear against the phone to hear your lips move
I guess it's all in my head
And in time I'll make amends
It's magic but it's so tragic
I want you so bad
What's wrong with me baby?
I want you so bad
What's wrong with you baby?
Love me when nobody else can see
Touch my soul then treat me like a stranger
This is not the way I like to feel
I should have known a love this strong
Would bring some danger
Slingshots whisper my teardrops an answer
What am I to you
Slingshots you forgot my kisses don't miss this
What am I to you
--Slingshots
by Morley
--------------------------
Author's note: Well - it's not what you wanted huh? All I can say is that the course of true love never did run smooth. I'm trying to adhere to the timeline set by the last episode so things are going to be rough for Jack and Doug for a while yet. But I think it'll be worth it. I hope you think so too! Thanks to everyone for your kind words and encouragement. I'm *shocked* this chapter is going up so fast -- it's short so that helps. But it's also because of you! Anyway, despite the pain, I promise that good stuff is just ahead. I've said it before, but Amy's birth really is just around the corner.