Seek and Go Hide
part nineteen
"Jen? What's wrong with Jen?" Doug's heart leapt into his throat even as he steered Jack out of the restaurant and away from the all-too-curious patrons of The Ice House.
"What do you think?" snapped a frustrated Jack. "She's having the baby! Can I have your car or not?"
"The baby? But it's too early..."
"I KNOW! Jesus Doug! Are you going to help me or are we going to keep playing Twenty Pointless Questions here?"
Doug told himself not to take Jack's anger personally but it was hard. He sighed, "I'll help you Jack."
"Great, give me your car keys." Jack snapped his fingers and held his hand out obviously expecting Doug to just pass them over with no further questions.
"You've been drinking." It wasn't a question.
"I'm fine." Jack snapped his fingers again, "Keys."
"No. And quit snapping your fingers at me like that!" replied Doug somewhat peevishly.
"What?! Doug, come on! I've got to get to New York - now!"
"I get that Jack. But there is no way I'm letting you drive in this condition. Not in my car, not in any car."
"What condition?" spat Jack.
"Intoxicated and frantic," answered Doug calmly.
"Oh for fuck's sake! I'm fine! Look, I can walk a straight line, I can touch my nose..."
"No Jack." Doug's voice was firm. The two men stared at each other. Doug watched Jack's anger fade and his face begin crumple.
"Doug, come on. It's Jen. She needs me." Jack looked imploringly at Doug; he was desperate to make him understand.
"I'll drive you."
"No, I can't ask you to..." Jack shook his head quickly and repeatedly.
"You didn't ask..."
"No, Doug..."
"Look Jack, as far as I can tell, you have two options, you can let me drive or you can wait for Pacey to get back from his date and have him drive you. Either way, you aren't driving. So I guess it's just a matter of how soon do you want to leave?"
Jack gave up, "Fine. Fine. You win! Can we just go?"
"Sure, my car's right over here."
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On the way out of town, Doug made a quick stop at his place - much to Jack's renewed annoyance.
"It'll take one minute Jack. Just wait here."
Jack sat in the car and tried to calm down but it just wasn't possible. Every few seconds some new complication occurred to him - so many things could go wrong! So many things weren't done! He kept hearing Jen screaming in his ear, wondering where he was, why he had abandoned her. Jack rocked back and forth nervously in the passenger seat and bit his lip worriedly.
Doug reappeared and threw a black duffle bag into the back seat. He handed Jack a bottle of Gatorade and said, "Here, drink this. We'll get coffee on the road somewhere."
"We don't have time to stop anywhere," argued Jack even as he wrenched opened the bottle. He took a long drink. Doug rolled his eyes slightly at the statement but chose not to fight about it just then.
He fastened his seatbelt, put the car in drive and then they were off.
It was deadly silent in the car for a while, each man lost in his own thoughts. When they finally pulled onto Route 25 West, Jack let out a long frustrated sigh. "Seriously Doug, you have got to drive faster ok? If ever there was a time to take advantage of the fact that you are an officer of the law, it's now. Step on it."
"Jack, I'm already going faster than the speed limit..."
Once again Jack exploded, "Don't you get it? She's having the baby! She's been having the baby since last night! I have to get there - she's all alone!"
"Alone? Isn't Mrs. Ryan with her?" asked a genuinely puzzled Doug.
"Well, yes."
"And her Mom?"
"Maybe. Probably..." admitted Jack reluctantly.
Doug continued to push, "And the doctors and the nurses..."
"Alright, yes. But I'm not there and I don't know what's going on and they don't know why I'm not there and..."
"Didn't you call?"
The simple question floored Jack. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to call! He didn't say anything.
"Why don't you call?" asked Doug trying not to laugh.
"Right. I'll call. Of course." Jack reached into his jacket pocket and then remembered setting the phone down on the kitchen counter. "I forgot my phone," he said somewhat sheepishly. He banged his head lightly on the dashboard and whispered, "Damn, damn, damn."
Without saying anything, Doug pulled out his phone and passed it over to Jack. Jack took it without a word but flashed Doug the briefest of smiles. He flipped the phone open and stared blankly at the keypad. After a minute Doug offered, "Just dial the number then hit the green button..."
"I know how to use a phone!" barked Jack.
"Well you could have fooled me!" retorted Doug sharply.
"I don't believe this! I don't. I don't believe it! I. Do. Not. Believe. This."
"What?" asked Doug rapidly becoming as exasperated as Jack.
"This! This whole situation!"
"Well, you better believe it, because it's happening buddy." When Jack didn't respond, Doug continued, "I thought you were going to make a call?"
"Jen doesn't have a cell right now and Grams got a new phone a couple of weeks ago..."
"So?"
"So I don't know the new number yet. It's in my phone but... FUCK!" Jack tore at his hair and kicked furiously at the car floor.
Doug placed a warm hand on Jack's shoulder and said, "Settle down, do you know what hospital they are at?"
"Yes," replied a suddenly still Jack. "St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital."
"Then call information, get the number for the hospital. Call the hospital; have them transfer you to Obstetrics. I'm sure someone there can either find Mrs. Ryan or at least tell you what's going on."
"Right. Right, good idea."
When Jack finally got a hold of Grams, he could have wept with relief. He explained the situation quickly; assuring her he was on his way and would be there soon. She told him about Jen - that she was fine, was in fact sleeping at the moment, and that the baby was also fine. Except for the fact that Jen was a couple of weeks early, everything was going very smoothly. The doctors didn't seem too worried and they guessed that the baby would be there sometime in the late morning. Grams told Jack how to find them once he got into the city. She assured him that Jen and the baby were doing just fine and urged him to relax. When Jack hung up, he exhaled loudly.
"Feel better?" asked Doug.
"Yes. Sort of..." Jack rubbed his tired eyes, "Not really. No..."
"Now what?"
"It's just...there's so much stuff that isn't done. Stuff I promised Jen we'd do... that I'd do." The level of anxiety in Jack's voice began to increase.
"Like what?"
"Like the entire nursery. Paint, furniture...the crib isn't even put together. We were gonna baby-proof the apartment. Buy diapers, a baby monitor, a mobile...other stuff."
"Relax Jack, it'll get done. Besides, I don't think any baby has ever decided to move out because the family didn't have a mobile ready to twirl the minute she came home from the hospital." Doug smiled, trying to make Jack laugh a little. It didn't work.
"But it was my responsibility Doug! Mine! And I just kept putting it off and putting it off like it didn't matter. Like I had all the time in the world. I've been too distracted by..." Jack looked at Doug and his voice trailed off.
"By me."
There was a pause. "Yeah. I mean it's not your fault but...yeah, you got me a little...sidetracked."
"Sidetracked?" asked Doug archly. "I sidetracked you? Well, I guess that's fair seeing as you totally blindsided me...My deepest apologies."
"Doug? Look, I didn't mean..."
"You know what Jack? We've got a long drive ahead of us. Why don't you take a nap or something?" The dismissive tone in Doug's voice cut through Jack like a knife.
"I just can't be with someone who can't be totally open about who they are..." he said firmly but he hoped kindly.
"So you've said," replied Doug curtly. "Repeatedly in fact. Maybe you should get a bumper sticker - 'I'd Rather Be Out' or 'I Heart Being Out'. Or maybe 'I'm So Out I'm In!'"
"Very funny. If you'd just..." began Jack.
"What? Be less of a coward?" Doug glared at Jack; the memory of that exchange sent fresh ripples of shame and hurt through him. "You know, I really don't want to talk about this Jack. Not now, not ever actually. And since I'm doing you a favor here, I'm going to ask you to respect my wishes and just shut up." Doug's knuckles had turned white from griping the steering wheel so tightly. He didn't look at Jack at all but stared straight ahead and increased the pressure on the accelerator; the car surged forward.
Jack realized it was pointless to try and talk about this now. He sighed, leaned his head back against the seat, and closed his eyes. The miles flew by and neither man said anything.
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Author's note: I just cannot tell you how much I appreciate everyone who is patiently sticking with Seek And Go Hide! Your comments mean so much to me! I promise that chapter 20 will be up sometime before 6/26. Yea, a schedule!
part nineteen
"Jen? What's wrong with Jen?" Doug's heart leapt into his throat even as he steered Jack out of the restaurant and away from the all-too-curious patrons of The Ice House.
"What do you think?" snapped a frustrated Jack. "She's having the baby! Can I have your car or not?"
"The baby? But it's too early..."
"I KNOW! Jesus Doug! Are you going to help me or are we going to keep playing Twenty Pointless Questions here?"
Doug told himself not to take Jack's anger personally but it was hard. He sighed, "I'll help you Jack."
"Great, give me your car keys." Jack snapped his fingers and held his hand out obviously expecting Doug to just pass them over with no further questions.
"You've been drinking." It wasn't a question.
"I'm fine." Jack snapped his fingers again, "Keys."
"No. And quit snapping your fingers at me like that!" replied Doug somewhat peevishly.
"What?! Doug, come on! I've got to get to New York - now!"
"I get that Jack. But there is no way I'm letting you drive in this condition. Not in my car, not in any car."
"What condition?" spat Jack.
"Intoxicated and frantic," answered Doug calmly.
"Oh for fuck's sake! I'm fine! Look, I can walk a straight line, I can touch my nose..."
"No Jack." Doug's voice was firm. The two men stared at each other. Doug watched Jack's anger fade and his face begin crumple.
"Doug, come on. It's Jen. She needs me." Jack looked imploringly at Doug; he was desperate to make him understand.
"I'll drive you."
"No, I can't ask you to..." Jack shook his head quickly and repeatedly.
"You didn't ask..."
"No, Doug..."
"Look Jack, as far as I can tell, you have two options, you can let me drive or you can wait for Pacey to get back from his date and have him drive you. Either way, you aren't driving. So I guess it's just a matter of how soon do you want to leave?"
Jack gave up, "Fine. Fine. You win! Can we just go?"
"Sure, my car's right over here."
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On the way out of town, Doug made a quick stop at his place - much to Jack's renewed annoyance.
"It'll take one minute Jack. Just wait here."
Jack sat in the car and tried to calm down but it just wasn't possible. Every few seconds some new complication occurred to him - so many things could go wrong! So many things weren't done! He kept hearing Jen screaming in his ear, wondering where he was, why he had abandoned her. Jack rocked back and forth nervously in the passenger seat and bit his lip worriedly.
Doug reappeared and threw a black duffle bag into the back seat. He handed Jack a bottle of Gatorade and said, "Here, drink this. We'll get coffee on the road somewhere."
"We don't have time to stop anywhere," argued Jack even as he wrenched opened the bottle. He took a long drink. Doug rolled his eyes slightly at the statement but chose not to fight about it just then.
He fastened his seatbelt, put the car in drive and then they were off.
It was deadly silent in the car for a while, each man lost in his own thoughts. When they finally pulled onto Route 25 West, Jack let out a long frustrated sigh. "Seriously Doug, you have got to drive faster ok? If ever there was a time to take advantage of the fact that you are an officer of the law, it's now. Step on it."
"Jack, I'm already going faster than the speed limit..."
Once again Jack exploded, "Don't you get it? She's having the baby! She's been having the baby since last night! I have to get there - she's all alone!"
"Alone? Isn't Mrs. Ryan with her?" asked a genuinely puzzled Doug.
"Well, yes."
"And her Mom?"
"Maybe. Probably..." admitted Jack reluctantly.
Doug continued to push, "And the doctors and the nurses..."
"Alright, yes. But I'm not there and I don't know what's going on and they don't know why I'm not there and..."
"Didn't you call?"
The simple question floored Jack. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to call! He didn't say anything.
"Why don't you call?" asked Doug trying not to laugh.
"Right. I'll call. Of course." Jack reached into his jacket pocket and then remembered setting the phone down on the kitchen counter. "I forgot my phone," he said somewhat sheepishly. He banged his head lightly on the dashboard and whispered, "Damn, damn, damn."
Without saying anything, Doug pulled out his phone and passed it over to Jack. Jack took it without a word but flashed Doug the briefest of smiles. He flipped the phone open and stared blankly at the keypad. After a minute Doug offered, "Just dial the number then hit the green button..."
"I know how to use a phone!" barked Jack.
"Well you could have fooled me!" retorted Doug sharply.
"I don't believe this! I don't. I don't believe it! I. Do. Not. Believe. This."
"What?" asked Doug rapidly becoming as exasperated as Jack.
"This! This whole situation!"
"Well, you better believe it, because it's happening buddy." When Jack didn't respond, Doug continued, "I thought you were going to make a call?"
"Jen doesn't have a cell right now and Grams got a new phone a couple of weeks ago..."
"So?"
"So I don't know the new number yet. It's in my phone but... FUCK!" Jack tore at his hair and kicked furiously at the car floor.
Doug placed a warm hand on Jack's shoulder and said, "Settle down, do you know what hospital they are at?"
"Yes," replied a suddenly still Jack. "St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital."
"Then call information, get the number for the hospital. Call the hospital; have them transfer you to Obstetrics. I'm sure someone there can either find Mrs. Ryan or at least tell you what's going on."
"Right. Right, good idea."
When Jack finally got a hold of Grams, he could have wept with relief. He explained the situation quickly; assuring her he was on his way and would be there soon. She told him about Jen - that she was fine, was in fact sleeping at the moment, and that the baby was also fine. Except for the fact that Jen was a couple of weeks early, everything was going very smoothly. The doctors didn't seem too worried and they guessed that the baby would be there sometime in the late morning. Grams told Jack how to find them once he got into the city. She assured him that Jen and the baby were doing just fine and urged him to relax. When Jack hung up, he exhaled loudly.
"Feel better?" asked Doug.
"Yes. Sort of..." Jack rubbed his tired eyes, "Not really. No..."
"Now what?"
"It's just...there's so much stuff that isn't done. Stuff I promised Jen we'd do... that I'd do." The level of anxiety in Jack's voice began to increase.
"Like what?"
"Like the entire nursery. Paint, furniture...the crib isn't even put together. We were gonna baby-proof the apartment. Buy diapers, a baby monitor, a mobile...other stuff."
"Relax Jack, it'll get done. Besides, I don't think any baby has ever decided to move out because the family didn't have a mobile ready to twirl the minute she came home from the hospital." Doug smiled, trying to make Jack laugh a little. It didn't work.
"But it was my responsibility Doug! Mine! And I just kept putting it off and putting it off like it didn't matter. Like I had all the time in the world. I've been too distracted by..." Jack looked at Doug and his voice trailed off.
"By me."
There was a pause. "Yeah. I mean it's not your fault but...yeah, you got me a little...sidetracked."
"Sidetracked?" asked Doug archly. "I sidetracked you? Well, I guess that's fair seeing as you totally blindsided me...My deepest apologies."
"Doug? Look, I didn't mean..."
"You know what Jack? We've got a long drive ahead of us. Why don't you take a nap or something?" The dismissive tone in Doug's voice cut through Jack like a knife.
"I just can't be with someone who can't be totally open about who they are..." he said firmly but he hoped kindly.
"So you've said," replied Doug curtly. "Repeatedly in fact. Maybe you should get a bumper sticker - 'I'd Rather Be Out' or 'I Heart Being Out'. Or maybe 'I'm So Out I'm In!'"
"Very funny. If you'd just..." began Jack.
"What? Be less of a coward?" Doug glared at Jack; the memory of that exchange sent fresh ripples of shame and hurt through him. "You know, I really don't want to talk about this Jack. Not now, not ever actually. And since I'm doing you a favor here, I'm going to ask you to respect my wishes and just shut up." Doug's knuckles had turned white from griping the steering wheel so tightly. He didn't look at Jack at all but stared straight ahead and increased the pressure on the accelerator; the car surged forward.
Jack realized it was pointless to try and talk about this now. He sighed, leaned his head back against the seat, and closed his eyes. The miles flew by and neither man said anything.
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Show me where you found your faith and
Does it help you sleep at night
I am not that complicated
I just need some time
Because it doesn't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
Life is easy when you fake it
Right until you realize
Your happiness is unrelated
To anything you have inside
And it doesn't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
Every chance I get to distract myself
I won't try to convince myself
That there's anything for real or
That we're sure of what we feel
Quiet time is underrated
I still can't stand to be alone
That might be why I'm so unstable
Barely able to hold on
And I just don't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
--Tired
- By K's Choice
Does it help you sleep at night
I am not that complicated
I just need some time
Because it doesn't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
Life is easy when you fake it
Right until you realize
Your happiness is unrelated
To anything you have inside
And it doesn't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
Every chance I get to distract myself
I won't try to convince myself
That there's anything for real or
That we're sure of what we feel
Quiet time is underrated
I still can't stand to be alone
That might be why I'm so unstable
Barely able to hold on
And I just don't feel right
And I'm mostly very tired
--Tired
- By K's Choice
Author's note: I just cannot tell you how much I appreciate everyone who is patiently sticking with Seek And Go Hide! Your comments mean so much to me! I promise that chapter 20 will be up sometime before 6/26. Yea, a schedule!