Chapter 2: And It Begins

She awakens late again the next day. She almost smiles. Until the night before flashes through her mind. And the number on the scale blinks in bold letters, like a billboard. A testament to her shame.

She shakes her head, clearing the image. "Get a grip, Hermione," she says under her breath. "You're becoming as bad as them."

She dresses quickly, avoiding the mirror. Today is a weekend. She can't hide behind her robes. She is wearing Muggle jeans and a plain black tee shirt.

She ambles down to breakfast, where Ron and Harry are already sitting. Ron is, as usual, stuffing his face. Never a pretty picture. Harry, on the other hand, is eating slowly. Pushing his food around on his plate and frowning at the table. But, to her joy, a smile lights his face when she slides into the seat across from him.

The plate in front of her magically fills. Porridge, toast, eggs, bacon. But for some reason, her appetite is absent. She feels eyes on her and glance down the table to see Parvati and Lavender staring at her, their own plates empty. Anger rises in her chest, though she doesn't know why. And then she is eating. Taking bigger bites than she has ever taken in my life. Shoveling the food into her mouth. Like a ravenous animal.

She pauses halfway through and looks up to see Harry and Ron looking confused. One look down the table shows her Parvati and Lavender now pale white and looking sick. The anger quickly dissipates, replaced by the same shame she felt last night. And she is standing up, throwing her bag over her shoulder, and running out of the Great Hall.

--

She runs into the girls' lavatory and into a cubicle. She sinks to the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest and quietly sobbing. Her tears fall onto the legs of my jeans, soaking them. She feels full. Too full. She knows it is ridiculous. She knows it is irrational. But it makes her cry harder.

And then a solution comes to her. She pushes it away at first. But it comes back, more insistent than before. It is the only way she will feel secure.

She turns to face the toilet, leans over it, pulls her hair back behind her head, and pushes two fingers down her throat. It hurts, more than she could ever describe. She gags once. Pushes harder. Gags twice. Feels her stomach heave. Coughs, and a bitter taste floods her mouth as the food resurfaces.

She coughs again, her throat feeling uncomfortably sore and scratchy.

"Hermione?" she hears someone call. That someone being Lavender Brown. "Hermione, we know you're in here."

She sighs angrily and opens the door, stepping out onto the floor.

"What?"

"Ew, Hermione, you look awful."

"You didn't purge, did you?" Parvati asks.

"What?"

"Purge. You know. Throw up your food."

She crosses to the mirror. Her eyes are red, watery, and beady. Her cheeks are flushed. Lavender was right. She does look awful.

"Of course not."

Lavender sighs and walks over to put an arm around her. "You know, Hermione, purging is really a nasty habit. It's not the way to go."

"Oh, and what is?"

They smile. Identical, conspiratorial smiles.

Parvati throws her arm around her shoulder, so they are both huddled around her.

"You have a lot to learn."

--

"Pansy I can believe. But, Ginny? No way. Not possible. She's too smart."

"Hermione, you're so naive," Lavender says, wrinkling her nose. "Just watch her at mealtimes. You'll see."

She sighs. "But isn't it unhealthy?"

"Most things are, if they get out of control. Just keep it under control, and you'll be fine. I mean, neither of us has ever been to the hospital wing, have we?"

"Well," she says, hesitating. "No. But – "

"And have you ever seen us looking weak or sick?"

"No, you two always look great, but – "

"But what, Hermione? You want to lose weight. We can help you."

"Besides," Parvati says, flipping through a magazine. "It's a fact that no guys find girls attractive while they are eating. No one can pull off looking good while stuffing their face. Really, you'll feel powerful. Refusing to become a glutton feels wonderful."

Hermione smiles weakly. Maybe they are right. They certainly seem happy with this lifestyle.

"Ok," she says finally. "I'll give it a try."

Lavender hugs her.

"That's my girl."