Disclaimer:
…I own a dead character...go me...
Rating:
R - to be safe.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Silence filled the chamber.
The dim flicker of the candles cast a warm glow within the room, but brought no true warmth to the heart of the archer as he stared down at the sleeping twin.
Elrohir's eyes were closed as he slept, indicating the depth of his healing sleep. He appeared dead to the world and most probably would not have stirred, even if the whole of Rivendell were under attack.
Legolas crouched down by the side of the bed and leaned forward, staring intently at the pale face, frowning as his gaze fell upon the scar. The archer let his eyes drift shut as sadness swamped his mind. He could almost feel the emotions stirring inside if him, crawling to the surface…he hated the weakness…did he control nothing that he felt?
He wanted to scream, tear apart these vile demons. The scream never came, nor did the tears.
The gentle click of the door caused the elf to open his eyes. He already knew the footsteps were those of the ranger as he crossed the room. He did not lift his eyes to meet Aragorn's hopeful gaze and instead lowered his gaze to stare at the twin.
Aragorn looked across at Legolas, uncaring if he were blatantly staring. All the while he prayed for the elf to lift his head and speak…or even just meet his eyes. Valar, all he wanted was acknowledgement...he missed his friend and the elf that knelt before the bed was not the Legolas he knew and cared for. It was almost a shadow…
"Agor Im gwerio Le?" the ranger whispered, unable to remain silent any longer.
Legolas did not even lift his eyes. He made no move to show recognition. He could not. He would not. The archer bowed his head, touched a hand lightly to Elrohir's shoulder, his thumb lightly brushing the twin's collarbone as he rose to his feet, moving over toward the door.
Aragorn stared at the elf's back, feeling his throat tighten…Ai! He could cope with Legolas's anger…but his indifference? It stung like poison to a wound.
Why was he being punished?
The elf opened the door without so much as a pause or a glance over his shoulder.
"Legolas." The ranger called again, his voice a strained plea.
The reply was the cruel sound of the door closing.
The stars were dim, though still shining. Elladan noted this with mild interest as he walked the gardens of Rivendell, his eyes distant and sad. Elrohir had not stirred when he had entered the room and while he was glad that his brother was sleeping, he longed to see those identical eyes stare back at him with clear recognition instead of uncertainty and fear.
Yet it was Estel who had concerned him also, as he had entered the chamber. The young man had abruptly got to his feet, spared Elrohir a kiss on the forehead and walked out of the room without meeting Elladan's eyes.
When considering Estel's strange behaviour, one thought came to him.
Legolas.
The prince had said nothing to Aragorn, though in truth, he had said little to anyone. Monosyllabic answers were all that Glorfindel had been able to extract from him and even then with difficulty. It had been clear that all the Mirkwood prince had wanted to do was to see Elrohir and be left alone - if not return home.
Stepping into a stream of moonlight that cut through the trees, he sighed heavily, closing his eyes. He did not know what to do. He had failed Elrohir. Just as he had failed his mother all those years ago…and the pain never faded, not even with time.
The rustle of leaves drew the elf's attention and his eyes shot open. He glanced around until his gaze fell upon the figure of Aragorn, who sat not too far off, head bowed, legs drawn to his chest.
A perfect picture of misery.
The elf frowned at the sorrowful sight and quietly strode over to his young brother. If Aragorn heard his approach, he did not acknowledge it and instead stared at the earth beneath him. Elladan sighed, sinking down beside the ranger he rested his head back against the same tree, glancing sidelong at the man.
"Aragorn?" he asked, though it was apparent that he was asking far more by the tone of his voice.
"Where is Legolas?" the man asked, needing to reassure himself.
Elladan had expected as much, "Asleep, or so I believe."
"I doubt that." Aragorn added with a sad laugh.
Elladan nearly flinched at the pain in his brother's voice…so it was true; all those he cared for appeared to be suffering.
"Ai, Aragorn, saes." He implored, sitting forward so he could turn to look his brother in the eye, "Do not blame yourself."
The man lifted his gaze, "You are one to speak, Elladan."
The elf frowned, his gaze darkening, "Why do you-"
"Do you not feel guilty for what befell Elrohir?"
Elladan's jaw tensed, "You would not understand, Estel."
"Understand?" the ranger echoed, "Understand what? Hopelessness? That you know you can do nothing?!" the man snarled as he pushed himself to his feet.
"Aragorn!" Elladan snapped, also rising.
The ranger made to storm off, only to have the elf grip the back of his shirt and pull him backward. He staggered as he swung around and slapped Elladan's arm away. The elf's eyes were fierce as he glared at his brother. Both felt the pain of their helplessness swell within their hearts. And as always, the elder twin felt the need to comfort, to make things right, as was always his duty.
"Do not preach to me, Elladan!" Aragorn barked heatedly.
"Do not make this worse!" The elf half growled, half pleaded, "What befell Legolas was not your fault."
The ranger shook his head, "How can you say that?!"
"Because it is true!" Elladan took a threatening step forward, "You know it in your heart. How were you to know of what had happened to him? How would you have ever have been able to stop it?"
"Perhaps not the first time." Aragorn reasoned, his eyes suddenly stinging, be blinked back the emotion, "But the second time, I could have prevented it!"
"You tried."
"But it was not good enough, was it?" Aragorn replied bitterly, "I failed anyway."
Ai Estel, but I know your pain…I feel it as deeply as you…
"You did not fail him."
"How can you say that? When he refuses to speak with me?"
"He did not say you failed him." Elladan insisted once more.
"He did not have to." The man murmured softly, "I know he feels it."
Elladan felt the burden in his heart sink again and the weight caused a physical throb within his chest. He wished to take the grief from his brother, just as he wished to take the pain from Elrohir.
"Estel…Legolas took his vengeance…bitter though it was, perhaps he needs time to-"
"Legolas did not kill that man, Elladan."
Silence. The elf frowned, stunned at the words, eyes displaying his confusion.
"I don't understand, what do you-"
"I did."
Erestor lit another candle as one more flame died in the room, swallowed by the wax that engulfed it. He spared a glance at the rest of the bright sparks, estimating when he would need to return to light more.
A murmur drew his attention and he turned his head toward the young twin resting on the bed. Elrohir's eyes were open and a frown was stamped upon his forehead as he stared up blankly at the ceiling.
"You should be resting, pen-neth."
Elrohir turned his head toward the voice and squinted, trying to discern the blurred figure, "Erestor?" he croaked.
"Aye, take rest." The elder elf replied warmly, taking a step toward the bed to touch a hand to the twin's forehead.
"You are naught but a strange blur…" the young brother whispered, tightly closing his eyes.
"Time will heal your vision Elrohir; do you remember what I taught you about the effects of poison?"
The young elf nodded weakly, "I remember."
"Good." The elder smiled, "Now, rest." He commanded gently as he turned toward the seat situated next to the bed.
"Erestor?"
"Yes?" the elf replied as he sank down into the chair.
"Mayhap it is a skill I have learnt from my father when it regards you, but…." The twin trailed off.
Erestor, interested, leaned forwards in the chair, tilting his head to gaze affectionately at the young elf.
"But what pen-neth?"
"You are a terrible liar."
Elladan stared at the pacing young human that was his brother. His mind reeled with questions, though he found he had not the heart to voice them.
"Mankoi agor le al-treneri mín?"
"Im avo iston." The ranger murmured, his voice strained.
The elf reached out a hand toward his brother, "Aragorn."
The man turned, pressed his hands to the twin's chest and shoved him away, "Why!" he cried out, his voice hoarse as it echoed in the gardens.
Elladan steadied himself with ease; brow furrowing as he stared back at the young man, hating that he could now help none that he cared for.
"Why!" he repeated, eyes shimmering, "He did not deserve it, not for crimes he did not commit!"
"No one would deserve what Legolas endured, Estel." Elladan reasoned.
"Then why…?" he shook his head, endeavouring to understand.
"Who can say why, Estel?" Elladan held out a hand as he inclined his head, "None can reason with the way this world unfolds itself."
"I could not let him…" Aragorn gritted his teeth to keep the pain from his voice, "I could not let him kill that man."
Elladan nodded, his voice soft, "I know."
"Then why is he punishing me?" Estel whispered painfully, eyes closed, hating the words as they left his lips, "All I ask is for one word, one word to know that I did not harm him further…that I did not betray him...did not fail him."
Elladan felt the pain in his heart constrict. Oh but how clearly he understood! So clearly he understood the pain that his brother felt!
The same way he had felt with his father, with Elrohir…the pain which ate at him knowing that they did not blame him for Celebrians departure when they should have…the pain of knowing that his father did not look upon him with some secret anger for not reaching Elrohir in time. For not keeping his twin safe…Valar he knew Estel's pain!
"There are no answers to the questions you now ask. None could have foreseen it…it could not have been prevented by your hands." his voice was as calm as Elrond's…though Aragorn mistook it for indifference.
"As cold as father," he hissed, "tis' unbelievable."
No strike would have wounded him as deeply and Elladan clenched his jaw to keep from shattering from the weight of his own pains…Estel truly did not understand.
"Be careful." The elf warned, his pale eyes stern and hauntingly similar to those of his father.
Aragorn's laugh was more a rasp as it escaped him, heedless of his brother's pain, "This world causes you undeniable pain and your philosophy is that it meant to be as it is?"
"And what is yours?" Elladan snapped back, "That all that comes to pass could have been prevented with "if onlys" and regrets?"
"Perchance that is the truth."
"A pitiful one at that, Estel."
"I cannot steel myself to events that cause those I care for pain! Unlike yourself and father!"
Elladan's eyes grew wide in outrage, but he quelled his anger.
Be calm.
"You do not underst-"
"I have heard it before," Aragorn interjected harshly, "I never understand. That is all I am told. Pain enfolds in the House of Elrond and all is immediately kept quiet, not to be spoken of, none can see that all is amiss! It sickens me. Your heartlessness sickens me!"
"DINA!" Elladan cried, his voice breaking on the word, pain washing over him, "You truly DO know nothing!" the elf cried, pale eyes moist with unshed tears.
Aragorn nearly staggered back as the despair and emotion hit him like a physical blow. He had never seen Elladan like this…never.
The elf shook his head, his chest rising and falling with his struggle to contain the pain wishing to erupt from inside of him. Riled and wanting to know just what Elladan hid, the ranger pressed forward, his eyes dark.
"Do I? You act as though you –"
"I act as I must!" Elladan cried angrily.
Aragorn appeared shocked, "No one asks that-"
"Do not speak to me of grief." The elf seethed, "You obviously heed little of what I say, rather than what I do not." Elladan's voice dropped a pitch "It saddens me."
"As it does me." Aragorn replied sorrowfully, "You say I do not understand you, yet you will not speak to me…you shut me out, just as Elrohir does at your command. You all shut me out…Just like father, just like Legolas."
Elladan swallowed, feeling the knot of tension in his throat, "Estel…the Elven ways…I-"
"I am no elf." Aragorn replied without hesitation, "I know this, does that mean I am incapable of caring with the same depth as one?"
"Oh Estel," Elladan lowered his head, "You are not the only one whom father keeps at a distance for fear of hurting them."
"But…How-"
"You did not see it Estel…" the elf twin murmured, "After mother…" he trailed off, pausing to draw a breath ere he continued, "You think that I do not grieve for the pain my brother is in? That my heart does not bleed for Legolas? That when I see the walls that father constructs around his heart, it does not hurt me? You have never been more wrong…nor shall you ever be."
Estel's face was a contortion of confusion, "Why are we pushed aside?"
"Because that is the nature of grief." Elladan whispered sadly, "I have known it, I have been as cold as Legolas now is to you…Perhaps you are right, perhaps I am cold inside."
"Elladan-" Aragorn immediately regretted his harsh, hollow words.
"But I still care." The elf replied with resolve, lifting his eyes, "That has never changed, nor shall it ever change. Legolas's pain I cannot reason with…but his reaction…perhaps I can."
Aragorn's eyes searched his brothers, "How?"
Elladan glanced away from the young man, unable to meet his eyes, "Because mother did the same. She pushed us away…just as Legolas has pushed you away."
"Why?"
Elladan's laugh was sad, not bitter, nor angry…just sad.
"I wondered that for so many years," the elf whispered, as if to himself, "Would it were that I could tell you, Estel. Though for so long I have never considered the reasons."
"You never wonder why?"
"Of course." Elladan replied, "Every time I fear for those I care for, I wonder why I can never save them."
"We are more alike than not, Elladan." Aragorn whispered.
Elladan glanced at Estel, "Perhaps, though I know what I could not have prevented. I could not have prevented my mother's departure for I was not there or aware of it, just as you could not have prevented Legolas' first attack as you also, were not there, or aware of it and though you blame yourself for the second…perhaps your heart knows better."
Aragorn stared silently at his brother for a long time. Perhaps in his heart he had always wished for Elladan to speak to him thus, and it pained him to know how much grief his brother shouldered. Stepping toward Elladan he extended a hand to the elf's shoulder.
"Do not mistake me for being a martyr to grief or a party to pity." Aragorn dropped his gaze, "Perhaps you are stronger than I and I have misjudged that strength for indifference."
Elladan frowned, then managed a smile, "You are a man after all." He teased.
"I am." Aragorn smiled, eyes searching Elladan's, "But us mortals also have a way with our grief…and that, we cannot share in."
Elladan understood this, though it did not mean he liked the realisation.
"The pain fades…" Elladan suddenly whispered, causing Estel's brow to furrow as his brother offered what appeared to be some form of future advice, "With time…it is only the memory that pains, not the moments you live."
Aragorn knew what Elladan was trying to do, and though part of him felt hurt by it, the other thanked and understood his brother.
"Do not endeavour to soften my fall, Elladan." Aragorn replied, his words gentle, caring.
Elladan closed his eyes for a brief moment ere he nodded with a pained smile, "Then do not give me reason to." He begged, lifting his eyes, "Do not give yourself more reason to hurt…saes."
The words were spoken with a concern that touched his heart and he pressed his forehead to Elladan's with a sad smile, "I would do the same for you."
"May it be that it never comes to that." The elf shuddered, pulling back to touch a hand to Estel's shoulder.
Aragorn met his brother's gaze, "Never again."
Glorfindel's eyes widened as he stared across the room at the Lord of Rivendell. Perchance he had misheard, but then, his logic reminded him that what Elrond was suggesting was not at all absurd.
Or was it?
"Tell King Thranduil?" the blond half croaked.
Elrond inclined his head, "I would never have such a thing kept from me were it one of my sons."
"My Lord," Glorfindel shook his head, unable to think what else to say.
"You do not agree with this decision, Glorfindel?"
"Nay, it is not that." The elder replied, "I fear that Thranduil would rage an open war against whoever wronged his child."
"The man is dead." Elrond replied bluntly, his tone of voice causing the blond to frown.
"I know," Glorfindel nodded, "But you and I both know that will not stop him from wishing to blame."
"You fear he shall point his finger at Imladris." Elrond stated rather than asked.
"Nay, perhaps at Men, which would most probably be the worst reaction we can expect."
"Perhaps." The elf lord sighed as he glanced elsewhere.
"Perchance he will see reason?" Glorfindel suggested, shifting in his seat as he hooked a knee over his leg, fingers touching his temples.
"Reason." Elrond muttered, shaking his head, "What reason would any father see in the violation of his child?"
"That is not what I meant, My Lord."
"Peace Glorfindel, I am aware of what you mean." Elrond managed a weak smile as he stepped over toward his desk, "I believe all that is left, is to speak with Legolas."
The blond closed his eyes and shook his head, "He is in no state to wish to speak."
"Then he shall listen." Elrond replied, though not unkindly, "Thranduil will sense the change in his son; I would have Legolas suffer less pain from unnecessary interrogation from his father."
"I do not believe the King will see it that way."
"I have no doubt that he won't."
"Then who is to speak with the young Prince? He does not heed Estel and though my heart bids me to reach out to him, he refuses all aid."
The Lord of Rivendell fell strangely silent for a moment and it appeared as though his eyes grew distant and it flickered there in those orbs a shadow of pain and recollection. But then, as always, ere Glorfindel could even try to speak of it…it was gone.
"I shall speak with him." Elrond murmured.
Glorfindel raised his eyebrows, "Are you certain?"
The elf lord glanced down at his friend, "He too, has a right to know. His father will demand it of him."
"Though that is true, I fear he will not care for your intentions, however good they are."
"I cannot control the reactions of the young prince."
"Indeed, yet perhaps it would be wise to consult him on the matter when he is of a better temperament. Give him time."
Elrond's eyes narrowed slightly and he frowned ere he turned his gaze toward the door. Glorfindel resisted the urge to follow his gaze and merely frowned slightly.
"I have little say in that matter." Elrond replied distantly as he quietly walked across the room toward the door.
Glorfindel blinked and swung his leg down to meet the other on the floor ere he rose, turning to face the elf lord.
"I do not understand." he frowned.
Elrond paused, spared a glance over his shoulder, then pulled the doors open. A young elf stared back at him, shoulders squared, jaw set and eyes fierce. The young one met the lord's eyes, anger and perhaps betrayal burning in their depths. Elrond did not even flinch and he calmly inclined his head.
"I have been waiting for you, Legolas."
Sindarin Elvish Translations
Saes – Please
Agor Im gwerio Le? – Did I betray you?
pen-neth – Young one
Mankoi agor le al-treneri mín – Why did you not tell us?
Im avo iston – I don't know
Reviewers: Sorry I didn't give much time for replies - I wanted to post two chapters because the last one was sooo late lol!
Deana - Heya, Deana! Yep, evil mortal got his just punishment - so it would seem! Thanks for your review!
Tmelange - Hannon le (thank you) for your review! I'm glad you are enjoying the story! It's coming to its end soon! Then I can finally get back to work on the sequel!
IMTrinity - Aaaw, hannon le, Meldir! I appreciate your kind words and support! To answer you question about BTD - I shall start updating that as soon as I finish posting the last few chapters of this story - there's only like 3 to go or something. LOL You can see I'm soooo with it today! lol! As always, thanks soooo much for your feedback! I shall get BTD updated as soon as I am able! Hannon le, mellon-nin!
Wadeva- Hello there, Wadeva! LOL well at least that "bastard man" is dead! [grins]. But thanks so much for showing an interest in the story and more importantly, thank you for taking the time to actually let me know you are enjoying it by leaving a lovely review! Thank you very much!