Days soon turned into weeks and pretty soon a month had gone past. Tanwen couldn't believe that she had only been there a month, time seemed to fly past and yet she felt as if she'd been there for ages. It was Saturday, just after lunch and she was sat in a big, squishy armchair with Loki on her lap. Loki had become rather a favourite with people, he seemed to have a special affinity for Fred and George, and no-one had objected to him being there.
Undeniably she was happy at Hogwarts, but there was still something bothering her. That sound she had heard when the Dementors had come near her, she kept remembering it and feeling that there was something else something that she had long forgotten, but now she wanted to know. She wanted to know why two people she had supposedly never met before in her life could stir such deep and familiar emotions within her. Why when she heard people gossiping about Black she felt indignant. Why when she dreamt familiar faces would loom just out of eyesight calling to her.
She sighed and frowned.
"Penny for your thoughts," offered Harry coming to sit on a pouf in front of her. Most of the rest of the house were still at lunch and he had had enough of Ron and Hermione's bickering about Scabbers.
She smiled at him, "Do you ever get that feeling when you feel like you're supposed to remember something but you just don't know what that is?" she asked thoughtfully.
"Yeah," he replied, "but not as often as Neville I'd wager," he added with a grin.
She smiled and then paused, "This'll probably sound silly but do you ever feel that you've met someone before, even when you think that you haven't?"
"You mean like Déjà vu?"
"Sort of," she twisted her hair trying to think of a better way to explain it, "What about me? When you met me, did you think there was anything… familiar about me?"
Harry frowned, "err, I don't think so…"
"Never mind then," Tanwen sighed and changed the subject, "how are your new subjects going?"
Tanwen was rather quite all through dinner,
"Are you alright?" asked Marcia in between mouthfuls.
"Mmmm," she replied absentmindedly, "just thinking."
Marcia looked at her sceptically and shrugged at Cassie and Lou as if to say, 'I'm not convinced.'
Still in a daze Tanwen wandered away from the table and into the Entrance Hall. In fact she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear him,
"Tanwen. Tanwen?"
Feeling hands on her shoulders she turned to see Cedric,
"Oh hello," she said blinking a little.
"Are you alright?" he asked looking at her closely.
"I think so,"
"Think so?" he steered her over through one of the corridors to a window seat. "What's wrong?"
She looked up into his clear grey eyes and replied, "That's just it, I don't know."
"But there is something?"
"I think so," she frowned and massaged her temples frustrated, "but I'll find out,"
"Anything I can help with?" he asked.
"No, not really, but thanks anyway," she smiled, "I think I need to go to the library."
"The library??" he looked surprised, "well ok then." He rose and they wandered off
down the corridor towards the library.
At the door she turned to him, "Look, I kinda have to do this myself, sorry," she shrugged.
"Hey, that's ok," he put his hand on her shoulder, "if you ever need anything just ask ok?"
She nodded and smiled, "see you later," and turned and went in. The next few hours she spent pouring over books on remembrance spells, if she could only remember…well she wasn't sure what she was trying to remember but she felt that once she knew whatever it was she had forgotten then things would be better.
It was dark by the time she returned to the common room, most people had gone to bed already. In her hand she held the combination of spells that she had mixed to form what she hoped would set her memories free. But she still had one ingredient missing.
"What am I going to do?" she asked Loki as she sat in front of the glowing fire, "how on earth am I going to get a few drops of Veritaserum?"
He looked thoughtful and then bit her ankle, "Ouch!" what did you do that for?" She looked down and gasped out loud. Her body was…gone, well not gone, she could still feel it but she was invisible. "Did you do this?" she asked Loki who nodded, "how long will I stay like this?" he shrugged, "do you know anything about what you've done?" he shook his head. Tanwen rolled her eyes, oh well, she might as well make use of it while she could, "come on," she called to him, "let's go pay Snape a little visit."
A few minutes later she crept silently out of the portrait hole and began to run down the corridors, she had no idea how long she would stay invisible and she most certainly did not want to be in Snape's office when she materialised again. Her own muffled footsteps echoed behind her as she pelted down stairs and through passageways coming to a stop outside Snape's office. She paused, uncertain as to whether he'd be inside. Her question was soon answered as he emerged into the corridor. Tanwen shrank up against the wall and just prayed that she wasn't breathing too loudly. Looking up and down the corridor he turned to his door whispered, "Amoriada," and stalked off up the corridor.
Waiting until he was out of sight she stepped up to the door, held out her wand and whispered, "Amoriada", just as he had done. Holding her breath she pushed down the door handle and slowly opened the door. She paused, nothing happened, breathing a sigh of relief she closed the door behind her and moved further into the room. Quickly she scanned the shelves, looking for the ingredient; suddenly she spotted it in a small bottle on the middle shelf. Picking it up she un-stoppered it and pulled out a small phial from her own pockets. She poured a small amount into it and then closed the top and replaced the bottle where she found it.
Quiet as a mouse she opened the door and slipped out into the corridor, she had only just made it; just as she closed the door Snape rounded the corner. Heart pounding, she muttered, "Amoriada" to the door and began to stealthily creep away clutching her stolen prize in her pocket.
As soon as she guessed she was out of hearing she began to run, glancing down she could see she was beginning to reappear and her head was pounding, maybe it was a side effect of the invisibility. Her skin had a translucent hue, catching a glimpse of herself as she ran past a mirror she thought she looked very much like a ghost.
Panting she reached the Fat Lady and recited the password, she swung forwards to admit her and Tanwen clambered through into the common room. Loki was curled up asleep in front of the fire. Sitting herself down heavily next to him she massaged her temples, she had been going to try the spell that night, but she didn't feel up to it anymore, it'd have to be tomorrow. Picking up Loki she made her way up the stairs to bed.
The next morning she was still feeling the after-effects of last night's invisibility, so she gave breakfast a miss. The day seemed much longer than usual as she waited impatiently for nightfall.
Finally the common room started to empty as people headed to bed, she went up to bed with the last of them and then sat waiting in bed clutching the ingredients and repeating the spell over and over in her mind. When the luminous hands of her watch told her it was one o'clock she crept downstairs and laid out her things in front of the fire.
Inside a wide, white bowl she laid two plants, a sprig from a forget-me-not and another from a plant called Lethe's bramble. Lighting a splint she set fire to the plants and let two drops of the Veritaserum fall onto it. A pink smoke began to emanate from the bowl as she chanted,
With these here plants I cast my spell
To open eyes and mind as well
To free that which once was chained
Let memories be known again
From dark to light
From far to near
Remember!
A brilliant flash of white light filled her vision.
"Where is she? Wherever can she be?" A small child giggled, "There you are!" a tall, handsome man appeared in her vision smiling, he swept her off the ground and she laughed with joy.
She clasped her hands around his neck and placed a babyish kiss on his cheek, " 'gain, daddy, 'gain!"
Obliging he swung her round in a circle and she laughed and laughed.
"Be careful, Sirius, don't make her sick," a pretty lady with soft red tresses came into view holding a small baby in her arms.
Flash.
Tanwen gasped and held her head in her hands, surely not, surely not, how?
Flash.
"Give me, give me!"
"You want to hold the baby?"
She nodded and held out podgy arms.
"Alright, come and sit on my lap first," obediently she came and sat on his lap, he was tall with black, unruly hair. The lady carefully placed the small baby in her arms.
"Me wanna look after baby," she said as she patted his fluffy hair and kissed his forehead.
"Of course you can," replied the man, "you can be like his big sister and help take care of him. I know you'll be to him what your father is to me."
"Help…help take care of him," she repeated beaming at the baby.
Flash
That baby, he was so…Harry, it had to be Harry…
Flash
She was sat on the grass surrounded by cushions, a baby sat unsteadily in front of her.
"The red one," she told him as she pushed a red ball towards him, "Me, my ball."
Three adults sat on chairs in the background keeping watch.
"Where's Saffron?"
"Wish I knew James,"
"How long has it been since you heard from her Sirius?"
"Too long," he sighed, "I just wish I knew she was alright."
"So do I," replied James, "so do I."
"Harry want cup," she stretched out her hands for the baby cup that James held he gave it to her and she toddled back importantly towards Harry.
"I think you'd better go supervise, Lily," Sirius told her grinning. He turned to James, "seen Remus lately?"
Flash
So she was right, she had known Harry. Her head ached from the overload of information.
Flash
She sat curled up in Sirius' arms, "Where mummy?" she asked, picking at his shirt buttons.
"I don't know, honey," he replied.
Silence and then-
"Want mummy,"
"I know sweetie, so do I," he held her close and kissed her gently on the top of her head.
"Love you daddy,"
Flash
Her thoughts came back to Sirius, surely there had been some mistake; there was no way that the Sirius she remembered would have done all those things!
Her father…she was the daughter of a convicted murderer; she rubbed her eyes in disbelief. She'd had enough flashbacks; she stood up to put out the flames.
Flash
"Daddy, where you going daddy?" she stretched out her arms to her father. His face was pale and drawn. "Don't go 'way!"
She was standing in a street full of people she tried to follow him but she just kept tripping over as she tired to keep up, she began to cry, "Daddy!"
He turned round and came back to her, "Daddy has something he needs to do honey, just sit here and wait for me,"
She threw her arms round his neck and clung to him, "No, me come, me come!"
"You can't it isn't safe," he disentangled her arms and carried her to a bench at the side of the road, "sit here and wait for Daddy love."
She grabbed hold of his sleeve as he stood up and it came away in her hand with a loud rip.
"Daddy'll be right back,"
She watched as he walked off down the street. He stopped in front of a small plump man. She pulled at the threads coming off the piece of shirt she had in her hands, she clambered down from the bench and started to walk towards her father.
Suddenly there was a loud bang and she was thrown violently backwards. She hurt all over and began to cry, as smoke began to clear she could see she was lying at the edge of a crater in the ground. Bloodied bodies were lying everywhere, people were screaming, crying. Her own hands were covered in blood.
A man crawled towards her through the dirt and opened his mouth to speak, blood trickled out onto the ground and suddenly she noticed, he had no legs, just a mass of bloody tissue that stopped at his waist. Racked with coughs he spluttered blood over her white dress and then lay still.
She stopped crying and watched wide-eyed and curled up in a corner at the massacre around her. She mouthed silently for her daddy, but she couldn't see him.
Flash
She gasped and chocked back sobs, as she jumped up and ran to the bathroom she knocked the smoking bowl into the fire. Reaching the toilet she retched into the bowl over and over until there was nothing left to regurgitate. Sweaty and shaking she leant against the wall and closed her eyes.
Flash
She crawled across the ground towards her father, silently calling for him again, pausing every now and then to stretch out her arms. Unsteadily she tired to get to her feet but tripped over a severed leg and landed on top of a dead body. Its blank, unseeing eyes stared back at her.
Flash
She retched again and shakily got to her feet to have a glass of water. With a trembling hand she drained the tumbler. There was another flash, another vision of that horrible place, she dropped the glass and it fell with a crash into the sink smashing into little pieces.
"Enough," she gasped holding on tightly to the basin, "no more," but they kept coming. She staggered back down into the common room barely aware of her surroundings. Holding her head she stumbled out of the portrait hole and staggered along the corridors. She didn't know where she was going but she had to get away, tears streamed down her cheeks and her throat was raw from vomiting so much.
Flash
Sirius was surrounded by wizards and witches all with their wands out pointing at him. As they clapped handcuffs over his wrists she began to scream and hold out her arms to him, but he didn't see her. He was laughing in a manic, uncontrollable manner.
Instead a middle aged man picked her up and attempted to pacify her, but she just kept screaming.
Flash
She fell into a table; the large metal vase on it went clattering to the floor. She pushed herself off it and continued on, unaware of the door that opened a little way behind her.
"Stop, please stop," she pleaded to on-one in particular as she sobbed and grasped at the wall next to her.
"Tanwen?" called a voice.
She sank to the ground shaking and crying.
Lupin walked over and crouched in front of her, "What's the matter?"
She looked up at him through tear filled eyes, "make it stop," she gasped out in between sobs.
"Make what stop? What's going on?"
"I…
Flash
"Come on luv, let's go," said the man as he carried her away.
"Daddy," she managed to say, squirming to get out of his grasp, "daddy!"
"I'm sorry lass, your daddy's gone, he's dead," replied the wizard thinking she was the child of one of the dead muggles.
"Dead?" her lip trembled.
"He's gone, your daddy's never coming back,"
She began to cry
Flash
"What's happening to you?" asked Lupin as he helped her to her feet.
"I did a…a memory charm…too strong…won't stop…"
"What sort of charm?"
"A mix, a mix of a lot of…"
Flash
As she gasped for breath and looked blankly Lupin raised his wand and said, "Finite Incantatem,"
Blinking Tanwen shook her head and leant against the wall closing her eyes.
"Come on, you need to sit down," placing his hand under her elbow he supported her into his office where she sat down in the nearest chair. She leant forwards and placed her face in her hands. Lupin looked at her with concern; waving his wand he conjured a steaming mug of hot chocolate, "here, drink this," he said pressing it into her hands.
Shakily she drank it avoiding his eyes. Lupin sat down opposite her and waited; after a minute or so she looked up.
"You knew my…Sirius didn't you?" she asked him.
"What makes you say that?" he asked guardedly.
"Please, just answer me honestly,"
He frowned and then nodded, "yes,"
"How well, did you know him?" she asked sipping her drink.
"Quite well,"
She looked him straight in the eye, "then what about me? Do you know me?"
He raised an eyebrow quizzically and looked at her closely. Suddenly a flash of realisation swept over him and he started, "but we all thought you were dead!"
"Killed in the confrontation with Pettigrew you mean?" she asked with a shudder.
He nodded.
"Well, I was there," she sighed and twisted the mug in her hands, "and now thanks to my stupid spell I remember everything."
"I'm sorry," he said eventually, "I can't imagine what it must feel like to know that you father did something like that."
She frowned, "I don't believe it!"
"But you were there, surely you saw what happened?"
"Not exactly, but I do know that he would never, never do anything like that! And he would never do anything to hurt Harry either," she stood up indignantly. "I'll never believe it's true!"
"What are you going to do?" asked Lupin visibly disturbed, "I know it's hard to believe, I can barely understand it myself, but there were witnesses, lots of them…"
"I don't care, you don't understand, it's my father you're talking about!"
"I realise that," he said gently, "but you can't say anything to anyone. For one, most people just wouldn't believe you; and for the other, you can't know for certain that is isn't true."
"But…"
"I know what you feel," he interrupted firmly, "he was my best friend remember? But you must think of the safety of those around you. For a moment, just pretend that it could be true and you went and told Harry, and he might believe you and let his guard down. What would you do if anything bad happened to him?"
James' words echoed in her mind, "You can take care of him,"
She sat back down and looked at Lupin, "what do you want me to do then?"
"Just keep things to yourself, I'll speak to Dumbledore in the morning and we'll decide what is to be done." He checked his watch, "But now I think it's time for you to go to bed. I'll walk you back to the portrait hole and go straight to bed."
She nodded mutely; too exhausted and too tired to argue with him anymore. Fifteen minutes later she was climbing up the stairs to her bed, without bothering to change she crawled into bed and curled her arms round the sleeping Loki, closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep.
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A/N: Well? What did you think? I guess the Sirius thing was kinda obvious to some of you huh? The more reviews I get the sooner the next chapter comes ppl ^__^ I love the next chapter it makes me laugh so much, well more like evil giggling. Mwahahaha!
Next chapter:
Tanwen goes out flying with Cedric and gets a little too close for comfort to a certain silver-eyed boy ;) Ah I am evil to her, much embarrassment^__^