Chapter 15: Finding your way through the mist

Tanwen awoke in the early hours of the morning shivering.  Loki had pulled all the covers off her.  She muttered to herself as she yanked the quilt towards her; then paused suddenly.  How did she come to be here?

She rubbed her head thoughtfully; the last thing she could remember was being in The Three Broomsticks.  What had she been doing?  She had been listening to…oh yes, Hagrid talking about her father.  She frowned at the memory, he had been simply horrible!  It had made her so angry she smashed that glass.  What glass? Her memory prompted, Butterbeer was served in tankards, what was she doing with a glass in her hand?

Glancing down at her hands she turned the palms upwards and opened the curtains around her to let in a little light.  The soft morning rays fell across her smooth, blemish-less skin.

"What the-!" she said out loud.

But she was sure it wasn't a dream.  She definitely remembered standing in The Three Broomsticks with a glass of red liquid in her hand.  But she didn't remember getting it for herself….

She put a hand over her eyes as she suddenly remembered.

"How could I have been so stupid?"

Clapping a hand over her mouth she threw open her curtains.  The others were all fast asleep in bed.  She breathed a quiet sigh of relief; she hadn't woken them.  Their trunks' stood packed at the foot of their beds' and several wardrobe doors hung slightly open to reveal their empty contents. 

Tanwen puzzled over this for a few seconds before remembering this was the first day of the holidays- everyone was going home.  Quietly she slipped out of bed to do her own packing.  Loki opened a bleary eye and tutted, he disapproved of such early morning activities.

It took her about half an hour to pack everything and get herself washed and changed.  After that she picked up a book and wandered down to the deserted common room.

'Just how early is it?' she wondered and glanced at her watch.  Five, forty, her watch hands told her.  She sat down and tried to concentrate on her book, but it hard when confusing thoughts about what happened at The Three Broomsticks, and indignant voices about her father kept popping into her head.

There was a small popping noise and a house elf appeared in front of the fire.

"Hello," Tanwen said, laying her book down, "Pleakly isn't it?"  she knew a few of the house elves by name, having accompanied Fred and George on numerous visits to the kitchens.

"Yes miss," the house elf squeaked, bobbing a curtsey.

"And how are you today?" Tanwen asked chattily, for some bizarre reason she felt very awake and wanted someone to talk to.

"V-v-v-very well, I thank you miss," she replied, turning a bright shade of pink, "miss is very kind to ask."

Tanwen smiled, "who is it that takes care of Loki?"

"The bossy Argus, miss?"

Tanwen nodded, grinning.

"Not me, Quinny it is who takes care of him," she replied, twisting the front of her clean tea towel that she wore with her hands.

"Where's Quinny now?" Tanwen asked.

"In the kitchens miss, we has to prepare breakfast."

"Ok then would you give Quinny a present from me?" Tanwen asked drawing her wand and summoning the small gift she had left on her bedside table.

"Gift?!?" squeaked Pleakly in amazement.

"Yes, I want to think him for taking care of Loki for me- a Christmas present," Tanwen reached out her hand and caught the wrapped gift that came zooming down the corridor.  "It's not much, just some chocolates," she paused, "Quinny will like chocolates won't he?" she asked anxiously.

"Oh yes, they are Quinny's most favourite of treats, miss is most generous," replied Pleakly bobbing over and over.

Tanwen got up and knelt beside the elf to give her the purple wrapped box.  "Give him my thanks."

Pleakly bowed over and over again, unable to think of anything to say.  Then turned briefly to ignite the fire in the grate behind her and vanished.

Turning back to her book Tanwen tried to pick up where she left off.

Some time later the door the other side of the fireplace opened.  Jon walked out, yawning and pulling a t-shirt down over his head.

"Morning," Tanwen said.

He grinned, "Morning, and how are you feeling today?"

"Err, fine," she didn't like that odd glint in his eyes.

"No headaches?  Feelings of sickness?"

"No, should I?"

He shrugged and came to sit beside her, "maybe."

"What are you talking about?"

"What do remember of last night?"

"Not a whole lot," she admitted, "but I think I might have done something rather stupid."

 "Just the one thing?" he asked evilly.

"Uh-oh."

"What's the one thing that you think was stupid," he asked.

"Accepting wine from a complete stranger."

"Yes, not so high on the good decisions scale that one," he told her, "what else?"

"Erm…" Tanwen thought hard, "breaking the glass-I did didn't I? I mean, this morning there's no-"

"-We took you to the hospital wing," he interrupted, "you really don't remember anything else?"  She shook her head, "how disappointing, although lucky for me."

"I can never tell when you're serious, you know," Tanwen replied, eyeing his grinning face dubiously.

"That's because he never is serious," Marcia had emerged to find out where she'd gone, "you were up early."

"Yeah, Loki woke me up- stole all the covers the greedy pig." 

Jon laughed.

She had to put up with more enigmatic teasing from the more of her friends at breakfast.  Cedric came over as soon as he spotted her, acting concerned.  But still she had no idea what had gone on last night, and judging from the comments that Dom and Jon made, she wasn't sure she ever wanted to know.  But she couldn't help feeling stupid, embarrassed and, well, scared.

She tried to keep up the joking as normal but was still a lot more withdrawn and quiet than the others had seen in a long while.  She thought it reasonable to be embarrassed considering what the others were frequently implying, and guessed that their jovial behaviour was a kind of smoke screen for something more serious that could have happened.  As for feeling stupid, well that was perfectly reasonable too, what had she been thinking to accept that drink?  Well, she hadn't really that was the problem, more and more when left alone she would think about how exceptionally unfair what they- everyone- had been saying about Sirius and then she would struggle not to loose control and yell at everyone.  Not one for temper tantrums that feeling of intense rage scared her a little.  If it caused her to loose control like that then who knows what she might do next time.   All of these feelings were perfectly understandable she reasoned, but what she couldn't understand was the way she stiffened every time one of the guys in the older years walked past, or the way she walked close in between Jon and Mark as they walked through Hogsmeade to the station. 

She felt stupid that she wanted their protection, that she didn't want to face those people alone, she was a Gryffindor wasn't she?  So she shouldn't be afraid of them should she? 

Before long they were standing on the Hogsmeade platform in the falling snow, ready for the return journey to King's Cross.  Students piled in up and down the train chattering excitedly.  She felt as though she were in some kind of bubble.  The noises all around her merged into a blurred hum and everything seemed to be too bright.  She just wanted to find a quite corner and sit and think.

Grabbing her arm, Cassie, Lou and Marcia pushed their way onto the train to look for a spare compartment while the guys put their trunks on board.  They quickly found an empty compartment in the middle of the train.  Sinking down into the seat next to the window, Tanwen stared out of the window distractedly watching people get on and off.

"You're quiet, what's up?" Cassie asked, plopping down next to her.

"Huh?  What?"

"What's up?" Cassie repeated.

"Yeah, you've been kind of distant all morning, is it because of that weirdo at Hogsmeade?" Marica asked, sitting down opposite Cassie.

"Nah, not really," Tanwen replied, "I'm just trying to forget about that."

"Forget about what?" Mark asked, coming into the room followed by Jon and Dom.  Dave, Chris and Leo waved as they walked past to find their own compartment; there wasn't enough room for them all in the same one.  As it was seven was going to be a squash in a compartment meant for six.

"That creepy man," Lou said, standing so Dom could sit down, then sitting back down onto his lap.

The guys frowned.  "Is that what's bothering you?" Jon asked from the doorway.

"I don't know, not really, maybe," Tanwen shifted uncomfortably.

"He can't hurt you now you know," Mark reassured her sitting down next to Dom and Lou.

"I know, it's not that, it's just…" she sighed and bit her lip.

"What?" Jon said down next to the window, directly opposite Tanwen.

She shook her head, "It's nothing."

"Yeah, right, you're often quiet and secretive because of nothing," retorted Jon sarcastically.

Tanwen looked out the window again.  They really hadn't a clue, she had a lot more secrets then they guessed.  The thing she found about having secrets was she always wanted to tell people about them, she didn't like having secrets.  It meant you had to lie to those you cared about and bottle things inside.  She resented whatever falsity had made her father spent the majority of her short life in Askaban, telling herself that one day, one day he would be cleared and then she wouldn't have to hold secrets anymore.

"Ignore him, he's being insensitive," Cassie said glaring at Jon, "it's ok if you don't want to talk about it.  Just know that if you ever want someone to talk to any of us will be more than willing to lend an ear."

Tanwen turned to her friend and smiled, "I know."

An hour or so later there was suddenly a loud smash and the glass in the door to their compartment shattered, scattering shards of glass all over the floor and the two nearest the door, Mark and Marcia.  A bright yellow ball was bouncing energetically all over the walls and hitting people, smashing all the windows as it went.

Jon pulled Cassie and Tanwen onto the floor between the two rows of seats and protected them with his body as the large window was demolished.  At the same time Mark tugged Marica over to cover her with his cloak; Dom was already shielding Lou with his arms and cloak. 

Cassie giggled uncontrollable and managed to splutter out, "Gryffindor chivalry at work!" to a puzzled looking Tanwen who began to laugh to.

"Ouch! I don't see what's so funny!" Jon said rubbing his head as the ball bounced off his head, shooting spells at it in between ducking.

"I'm perfectly capable of defending myself," Marcia said in a muffled voice from within Mark's cloak.

"Just keep still," Mark replied as he too tried to catch the elusive sphere with a spell, "You're ruining our moment as your knights in shining armour."

Cassie and Tanwen laughed even harder.

"I can't breathe!" panted Cassie, her eyes watering.

"Is our gallant knight squashing you?" Tawen replied in a low voice in between giggles.

Cassie snorted, "knight my arse."

"After three, guys," Dom said, trying to bring some order to the situation.  He counted to three and all at once they cried, "Impedimenta!"  Immediately the ball hovered in mid-air then fell to the floor.

Lou cheered as Marica pushed her way out of Mark's cloak.  Grinning Mark and Jon straightened and bowed. Cassie and Tanwen were still crouched on the floor helpless with laughter at the pantomime they had just been witness too. 

"What's so funny?" Marcia demanded.

"They…" Cassie pointed at the guys and collapsed into laughter again, unable to get words out.  Tanwen took one look at her and laughed even harder.

Every time anyone tried to speak to either of the girls all that happened was that they laughed even harder.  A few seconds later a rather flustered looking second year come running in, "Have you seen my ball?" he panted breathlessly.

"This ball?" Mark asked holding up the offending object in one hand sternly.

"Erm yes," the boy replied turning pink.

"It almost killed us," Jon added in an intimidating voice, standing to his full height.

"It was an accident," the boy squeaked, "I was trying to show the others what a bouncy ball was, you know the muggle ones, but I think I got the spell wrong."  He looked positively terrified at the two tall boys looking down at him.

"Lay off you two!" Marcia said, pushing her way through them, "it's ok, none of us are hurt, just be more careful next time ok?"  She snatched the ball from Mark's fingers and handed it back to the small boy.  He nodded and ran away quickly.

Jon and Mark turned to grin at one another.  "You two are so mean!" Marcia said reprovingly to them as she waved her wand and repaired the shattered windows.

"Yeah, don't terrorise the little ones," Lou added, wagging a finger at them.

"Only a few months ago Dom would have done the same, but you have bewitched him," Jon said shaking his head.

"You know I am capable of speaking for myself," Dom said, he grinned and gestured to Tanwen and Cassie who were still laughing, "which is more than I can say for those two at the moment."

Tanwen tried not to look at Cassie as she got up, clutching her side and wiping tears from her eyes.

"I think you two need to go into solitary confinement," Jon said, picking Tanwen up over his shoulder.

"Hey!" she protested, finally managing to stop laughing long enough to say something, "put me down!"

Jon grinned and turned to Mark, "I think Cassie should go and visit the chess tournament next door.  I'm going to take Tanwen to my brother."

With an identical grin Mark picked up Cassie and the four of them went into the corridor.

Tanwen tried to be indignant at the treatment, but it was hard to do anything other than laugh when you and your best friend were hanging upside down over someone's shoulder next to you.  Cassie, it seemed, had never even attempted to do anything other than continue to laugh.

At the next door, Mark slid it open and deposited Cassie down on a seat next to a shocked looking Dave.

"What did you do to her?" he asked, looking apprehensively at Cassie who was still laughing.

"I have absolutely no idea, but she and Tanwen can't stop laughing so we're separating them," Mark said winking at Jon who held tightly to Tanwen's legs.  She propped herself up by leaning on her elbow, smiling pleasantly at the people who edged past her looking oddly at Jon's back.

"Right, I'm off to deliver a parcel," Jon said as he turned round and walked out the compartment.  Catching Cassie's eye Tanwen started to laugh again.

"Case and point," Mark said pointing at the two.

"I see," Dave replied with a grin.

As they walked down the corridor Tanwen managed to calm herself down a little, reducing her laugher to an inane grin on her face.  Jon and Mark talked amongst themselves in loud voices wondering whether Hagrid would let them study women in Care of Magical Creatures.  Reaching the end carriage they finally found Alex.  He was sat with Lizzie, Jema and some of his other year mates.  He raised an eyebrow as Jon slid the compartment door open.

"Let me guess," Lizzie said with a wry smile, "that woman slung over your back is Tanwen."

"Hi Lizzie!" Tanwen called.  Jon grinned.

"Stop grinning like the idiot you are and put her down," Lizzie said, her eyes dancing.

Jon obliged and set Tanwen down.

"How nice to see everyone," Tanwen said, pretending there was nothing odd about the way she had just entered.

"Any particular reason why Tanwen couldn't walk here on her own two legs?" Alex asked.

Tanwen took a seat next to Lizzie, "Where are Will and Cedric?"

She shrugged, "not sure."

"Oh," Tanwen thought it a little odd to see Lizzie out of their company; she was almost always with them out of lessons.  Maybe they had had a fight.

Jon waved at her cheekily as he and Mark walked out of the compartment and back along the corridor.  Tanwen turned to talk to Lizzie, but she was already talking to Alex.  She smiled at her friends and got up, "I'll see you later ok?"

"What?" Alex looked up, "Oh, ok then."

"Catch you later," Lizzie said.

As she pulled the door shut behind her she walked to the very end of the train.  There was a door that led to a small platform surrounded by railings behind that, she pushed the door open and stepped outside.  It was cold outside and the sky was covered with a blanket of grey clouds that were threatening rain.  A rough wind blew against her skin whipping her clothes and hair back.  She stepped back to lean against the train watching the horizon disappearing ahead of her as the Hogwarts Express rushed on towards King's Cross.

It felt so odd to be swinging from one extreme to another, one minute she was quiet and feeling vulnerable and the next laughing so hard she thought her sides would split.  She wondered briefly if she was mentally unstable, a shadow of a grin chasing over her features before being replaced with a pensive expression.  Walking up to the edge of the platform she grasped hold of the cold metal rail and stared into middle distance, not particularly looking at anything, letting her thoughts wander to and fro.

She wasn't sure how long she was stood there, but her legs started to feel stiff and the sky was growing dark.  She looked at her watch, it was almost 4 o'clock, that meant she'd been there for almost four hours!  Shaking her head in disbelief she turned to go back inside, she'd had enough 'thinking' for one day, these days it inevitably spiralled downwards until she ended up feeling utterly depressed or frustrated.  Her numb hands fumbled at the door handle.

Inside the train Will and Cedric walked out of the end carriage.

"So why do you think Lizzie isn't sitting with us?" Will asked.

"Because we aren't her only friends," Cedric grinned, his smile disappeared as he spotted Tanwen's face through the small circular window in the end door of the train.  "What's she doing out there?"

They walked over and opened the door, Tanwen fell though into them.

"Oops, sorry," she apologised, righting herself.

"Man it's cold out there!" Will said shutting the door quickly, "Why on earth would you want to be out in that?"

"How long were you out there?  Your lips are practically blue!" Cedric said, brushing a lock of hair out of her face, "You are too cold young lady," he said pulling off his own cloak and marching her off down the corridor.

"Don't I get to try and reply?" Tanwen asked in a small voice.

"Course you do, luv," Will said, "you can be subjected to the full inquisition when you're back to normal temperature."

"I'm not that cold!" she protested.

"Right," Cedric said sceptically, "even the air around you is cold Tanwen, what is it with you and the cold?" He asked, alluding the incident a few weeks ago.

Reaching the compartment they had recently abandoned Will sat her down on an empty seat while Cedric went to find the trolley lady and get a hot drink.

Will added his cloak to Cedric's then wrapped his arms round her to share his body heat, he was silent for a while waiting for her to speak, but when she didn't he observed, "sometimes I think there's a lot more to you then any of us know."

"Isn't that true of everyone?" she asked, "I mean how much can you ever really know about anyone?"

"Aren't we philosophical today," he replied with a smile.

"Sorry, it comes from spending a lot of time thinking by myself," she apologised half heartedly.

He looked at her thoughtfully and got up to fetch his wand, "hold out your hands," he told her.  She obeyed and he conjured a ball of bluebell flames in the palm of her hands.  Smiling gratefully she pulled her feet up onto the chair with her and curled them round her.  Looking out the window she observed, "Doesn't it get dark quickly in winter?"

Will nodded his agreement.  Just then Cedric arrived back with a mug of steaming hot tea for Tanwen.  Extinguishing the flames she held he passed her the mug and sat next to her.  Sipping it cautiously Tanwen sat quietly content to listen to Cedric and Will chat good naturedly about their upcoming holiday plans and past adventures. 

About ten minutes later she was warm again and yawned.

"Tired?" Cedric asked, stroking her hair, she nodded.

The door slid open, it was Percy, "Ah, there you are Diggory, I need you a moment, last minute prefects meeting."

"Now?" Cedric asked incredulous.

Percy nodded, "I have a couple of things I'd like to mention about next term and there's no time like the present."

Will hid a grin and winked at Cedric.

"Ok, I'm coming," Cedric said grudgingly, getting to his feet, "I'll see you guys later."

As Cedric left Will got up, "I think I'll go and pay some visits, coming?"

Tanwen shook her head, "I think I'll go back to the others."

"Ok then," he said, sliding the door open and holding it open for her, "I'll see you later then."

She bid him goodbye and walked along the corridor still wrapped in three cloaks.  The others were much quieter than she would have expected.  Lou and Dom were chatting quietly in the corner while Mark and Marcia were playing cards, Cassie and Jon was nowhere to be seen.

"Hello," she said as she walked in and closed the door behind her.

"Where've you been?" Mark asked, "We went back to look for you earlier."

"Yeah, I didn't stay there for long," she said, walking round him to sit on his other side.

"So whose trunk did you raid to get all those cloaks?" Dom asked looking up.

"What?" she glanced down, "oh yeah, I'd forgotten about these," she got up, "I'll be back in a sec, better put them back."

She ran back down the corridor and left their cloaks in the empty compartment and then returned to the others.

Yawning, she sat back down next to Mark and pulled her feet up next to her, "Where are Cassie and Jon?" she asked.

"Well Cassie's still next door," Mark said, laying down a card and picking up another from the pile.

"I think she's actually enjoying being taught chess," Marcia grinned, "As for Mr Contay, he's off gallivanting somewhere no doubt."

"Ok," Tanwen replied yawning again.

"You really are tired, aren't you?" Lou remarked.

Tanwen nodded and pulled her cloak up over her, "I think I might have a short nap it that's ok.  Do you mind if I use your shoulder as a pillow?" she asked Mark.

He grinned, "not at all, although you might find you get a sore neck, my shoulder's quite high for you."

"Here," Dom chucked his cloak over, "you can use this as a pillow."

Catching it, Mark folded it up and laid in on his lap.  Yawning yet again, Tanwen lay down and closed her eyes.

Once they were sure Tanwen was asleep Marcia said, "Do you think she's ok?"

"I'm not really sure," Mark said honestly, "she seemed rather shaken up by the last few weeks."

"Well wouldn't you be?" Lou said, "I know if it was me, then I would be so scared, I know that at the end of the night it was quite funny but what I would worry about would be what if people hadn't noticed that weird guy." She shuddered and Dom squeezed her comfortingly.

"I hadn't thought of that," Mark admitted, "I guess I just assumed that she'd be ok about it, I mean, it's not as if she remembers much of what happened."

"Well then maybe she remembers more than we think, or there's more that she hasn't told us," Marcia guessed, putting down her hand, "I win, a royal flush."

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A/N: Sorry it's been so long since an update!  I haven't had the internet, and someone, who shall remain nameless didn't get around to posting the chapters on my behalf!  Anyway, hope you liked this new chapter.  I get internet installed at my new flat on Monday so it shouldn't be a problem for the next update *fingers crossed*