Disclaimer: Inu-Yasha and everything related to it do not belong to me, they belong to the people who do, I do not make any (financial) profit from butchering the characters and if you don't believe me may the Devil take your soul (in the spirit of this fic.)

AN: Hey, this is a new fic I decided to work on, just for a change of things. It's not going to be very long, I'm looking at the 8 chapter range, shorter chapters, and it's not meant to be serious at all. Some parts are really silly, so don't take this fic very seriously. And because it's just something quick I'm working on, it won't have perfect grammar or spelling. Just to let you know. This is based on Bedazzled, you know, the movie with Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley where he wishes for things and they come out all wrong, except Inu-Yasha's wishes will be different (of course). There will be OOC, but that's because it's humor. I'll try not to stray too far. (Like Fluffy-chan in ARP). Also, I don't mean to insult anyone here, as I talk about God (for like one line) and other things. I can't remember what they are now. Anyway, as I or after this fic I'll pick up where I left off elsewhere. Oh yes, and the title for this chapter…you'll get it later. For now…enjoy this fic!

AN2: The hell is QuickEdit? And where's my asterisks? I've been gone for a really long time, I see…

Cosplayer on a Stick

The only reason why Inu-Yasha even bothered coming to school was because of Kagome Higurashi. Why else would he bother coming to a place where everyone tried to kick his ass when his back was turned and sometimes even when it wasn't? Being the school outcast didn't suit him at all, and if it weren't for Kagome Higurashi, he would have burned the place down—or at least stayed home and watched TV all day.

Kagome Higurashi was one of the many girls in Nakusaru High that he couldn't have. The only difference was that she was the only one he actually wanted to have. Then again, so did everyone else. As the high school sweetheart with a sister who was more bodyguard than sister, Kagome Higurashi was the star in the sky that a mere mortal like Inu-Yasha could not reach for, in poetic terms. In laymen's terms, it was never gonna happen. Na-uh. Not a chance.

But a late night bet made in a fit of drunkenness with his one friend in Nakusaru High meant that even if the devil turned himself in to heaven before Kagome Higurashi went out with him, Inu-Yasha was going to ask her anyway.

Damn Miroku, Inu-Yasha thought for the umpteenth time. The upperclassman had preyed on his weak and vulnerable state (which bordered on dead-drunk) and as a result Inu-Yasha was going to humiliate himself in front of the one girl who ensured that he got an education.

But never mind. Inu-Yasha was going to ask her because he wasn't a wuss. And even if she laughed her head off or tried to bury him alive, at least he would have had the chance to speak to her.

Today's the day, Inu-Yasha thought determinedly as he strode into Nakusaru High. Someone passed him and said with a friendly (not) wave, "Hey, bastard! And in more ways than one, eh?"

Inu-Yasha just flicked him off. Name-calling and accident-on-purpose shoves were routine, and dated back to as far as Inu-Yasha could remember. Well, not really. He actually could remember a time when people didn't look at him like he was shit on their shoes. Everything had been just peachy until someone had blabbed that Inu-Yasha was an illegitimate child (which was apparently a Big DealTM around these parts). Since then, he'd been shunned by anyone old enough to call him names (and even by those who weren't).

He entered his classroom and sat down. Almost immediately, someone threw a pencil at his head. Inu-Yasha calmly broke the pencil in two and hurled it back at the offender, nearly skewering him in the process. Just because he was the school outcast, that didn't mean he had to sit meekly and take all the crap thrown at him.

An eraser bounced off his head.

Inu-Yasha was just aiming with an open pair of scissors when the homeroom door opened and Kagome Higurashi walked in.

He froze in mid-aim. Not for the first time he wondered how a woman could make a man weak with just their presence. Not for the first time he answered his own question. Testosterone, of course. And really incredible perfume.

Slowly Kagome walked by him, and Inu-Yasha got a huge whiff of her perfume. It was soft and fresh like misty flowers and not too overbearing. Heaven.

She turned her head and acknowledged him for like a millisecond, but Inu-Yasha thought it lasted one happy lifetime. Her eyes were large and brown, her nose cute as a button, her lips full and pink. Her long hair, black as a Nakusaru High regulation school shoe, bounced around her shoulders as she moved. Heaven.

Say something, Inu-Yasha commanded himself as Kagome walked away. Come on, dammit, or else you won't even have the guts to talk to her in the afternoon. Tell her you wanna meet her! Chansu!

"H-H-Higurashi," he called after her, his voice breaking.

Oh, great start, dumbass. She probably thought he had a woodpecker in his mouth. A castrated woodpecker.

She turned around and smiled, a big friendly smile. Inu-Yasha found it very difficult to breathe. "Yes?" she said. She didn't have any sort of mocking sneer on her face, and her voice held no cruelty. For the first time, Inu-Yasha felt hope. Then again, he also felt like a dumbass so the two canceled each other out.

"I was wondering," he said, then cleared his throat. Kagome tilted her head. "If we could talk today, after school. At the school gate or something." So if you say no, I can run away really quickly.

He was aware of the silence in the classroom, and wished fervently that he had big sword made of something cool, like a taiyoukai's fang or something like it, and cut anyone who was watching into pieces.

Kagome didn't laugh hysterically or summon her sister (if she'd done the latter, Inu-Yasha probably wouldn't have lived to see the afternoon.) "Sure," she said, as if she were talking to any old friend. While Inu-Yasha gaped, she waved at him. "So I'll see you later." She walked away and sat with her gaggle of staring friends.

Immediately the snickers rose from the class and filled the silence. "The bastard thinks he can make it with Higurashi!" someone in front of him named Kouga said. Kouga was one of the few who never tired of insulting him, and as a result often made the same insults "But you know mongrels and pedigrees don't mix, right, Inu-Yasha?"

Ooh, witty, Inu-Yasha thought dryly. Nevertheless, he made a mental note to set a tiger trap for Kouga on his way home from school.

"I thought so," Kouga said in a smug tone. "You know, Inu-Yasha, that mongrels and pedigrees don't mix. So don't think you can make it with Higurashi, bastard."

Inu-Yasha ignored him and sat back down in his seat. He exhaled the long breath he'd been holding, his limbs weak with relief and pure joy that Kagome. Higurashi. addressed. him. Hee.

Today, he thought again, mentally making a fist. When that action seemed to hurt a lot, Inu-Yasha looked down. Then he remembered he was still holding a pair of scissors. He sighed and wiped his bloody hand on his pants.

Great, Mom's going to think I cut myself again.

Inu-Yasha paced in front of the school gates, looking at his watch. It had been exactly one minute and fourteen seconds since the end of school, and Kagome still wasn't here.

Where the hell could she be? he thought in near panic. I mean, how long does it take to get from school to the gate anyway? How could she do this? Argh. I'll kill Miroku for making me do this. After I set the tiger trap. Nooo this is so bad…

He waited for five more agonizing seconds, then he saw her.

She was moving towards him, an angelic smile on her face. "Sorry for being late," she said. "Were you waiting long?"

Inu-Yasha's somewhat overdramatic agony vanished at the first glimpse of that smile. "No," he said, grinning foolishly and unable to help himself. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes sparkled. Why was she so damn pretty?

"So!" Kagome brushed her hair away from her face. "What did you want to talk about?"

All the words Inu-Yasha had rehearsed flew out of his brain, leaving him with nothing to say. So he tried to fill the silence with sounds. "Um…er…argh…well…" Then his lips went numb on him. It was getting hard to breathe again.

"Yes?"

A drop of sweat rolled down his face.

"Wougodinmme?" he said in an exhale.

Kagome frowned. "What was that?"

Inu-Yasha cleared his throat. "I meant, um, er…"

"Kagome."

The two of them turned around. A tall girl with long black hair strode confidently towards them. Her gaze was level and dark, her jaw set. Inu-Yasha gulped. He wasn't afraid of anyone in Nakusaru High…except this girl. Kagome's unofficial protector. Kikyo Higurashi, known to the world as the Dealer of a Thousand Death Cards.

"Kagome, you forgot to turn off the stove in home economics," she said, touching her sister's shoulder. Her voice was low and calm. Like the calm before the storm, Inu-Yasha thought, instinctively taking a step back.

"Oops, I did? Darn." Kagome smiled apologetically at Inu-Yasha. "We'll continue this when I get back, okay?" she waved and disappeared into the school.

Leaving a petrified Inu-Yasha standing across Kikyo, also known as the Fire Tiger of the Blood-Red East.

Kikyo's gaze swiveled from her sister's retreating back to Inu-Yasha, and a tiny smile lit her face. A smile that scared the bejeezus out of him.

"So." Kikyo said, her voice dropping from a neutral tone to one of pure menace. "You think you can harass Kagome-chan without me knowing it?"

"Ah…ah…"

"Did you, loser? Huh?"

"Er…no. I was ah, just asking about homework," Inu-Yasha said, his words stewing in all their lame glory.

"Homework, my ass," Kikyo spat. She lunged forward and grabbed Inu-Yasha's shoulder, squeezing his shoulder like she was trying to grind the bone to dust. "You were hitting on my sister. Admit it!" She glared at him, her eyes burning like hot coals.

"Fine yes I was hitting on your sister now please let go of my shoulder dammit!" Inu-Yasha yelled. Of course, in the pain he was currently in he would have said anything.

With a triumphant cry, Kikyo shoved him away. "I knew it!" She raised her arm in front of her chest and cracked her knuckles. "And do you know what I do to people who annoy my sister?"

Unfortunately for Inu-Yasha, he did. And it wasn't pretty. Most of her tactics involved blood and very high hospital bills. Some had gotten very close to purchasing their own coffin. Others disappeared without a trace.

Reading the doomed expression on Inu-Yasha's face, Kikyo grinned slyly. "Mmhmm, you guessed right. And once I'm through with you, Kagome-chan won't ever have to see your ugly face again…bastard."

Inu-Yasha raised his palms. "I'm sure we can think of a way to resolve this…" he began.

He probably shouldn't have opened his mouth. Kikyo, the Death-Queen of the Crying Monkey, was not open to other forms of resolution except her own. That meek attempt at a truce were the last words Inu-Yasha said in a long, long time.

Damn Kikyo. Damn Kikyo to hell.

Inu-Yasha forced himself to roll over and spit blood into the bushes. Even that action had exhausted him. He was content to lie on the ground and wait for his body to heal itself. Wake me up in a hundred years, he thought to no one in particular. Now he knew why Kikyo didn't belong to a gang—gangs were too tame for her. Inu-Yasha would have preferred getting beaten up by a gang over Kikyo. Now he also knew why Kagome didn't have a boyfriend.

The thought of Kagome brought his mood from being in extreme pain to being in extreme pain and miserable. He wondered what Kagome had done when she saw him in an unconscious, bloody heap. Did she even see him in an unconscious, bloody heap? With the energy it took to push a bus up a hill, Inu-Yasha lifted his head. The sun was setting; the school was empty. It was only him, the fiery sky, and about seven million bruises. And blood. Lots of blood.

It took him ten minutes to stand up, and another ten to bend down and pick his bag up (woe betide me, he thought morosely). Then he began the difficult trek home.

Had Kagome anticipated what Inu-Yasha was going to ask and told her sister to 'take care of him?' But she'd looked so friendly…Bah, wallowing in self-pity isn't going to do anything, he grumbled to himself. You're already wallowing in your own blood.

He ached all over—every step seemed like a victory in itself.

When he'd made it halfway he sat down on the sidewalk, exhausted. He longed to know what could have happened if Kikyo hadn't appeared. He and Kagome would have been able to talk for a bit longer, and maybe she would given him her sweet smile and agreed to go get something to eat…

God, if only he wasn't mangled up and useless. He'd go straight to Kagome's home (with the riot police protecting him from her manic sister) and ask her without stammering or sounding like he belonged in the Vienna Boys' Choir. He'd give anything to see her face. He'd sell his own soul…

Quiet laughter floated past his ears. For a moment, Inu-Yasha's spirits lifted; was it Kagome? But no—Kagome's laughter was different. The laughter floated by again, soft giggles that mingled with the breeze. Inu-Yasha got to his feet and winced in pain. "Who's there?" he called out.

He looked around. There was no one there, save for people milling on the sidewalk across the street. He scowled. What the hell…?

"Would you really give your own soul?"

Inu-Yasha yelped and looked upwards. A tall, dark figure stood on top of the lamppost, a black cloak swaying in the breeze along with long black hair. But the most eye-boggling things were the black wings sprouting from this guy's back. Inu-Yasha gaped for awhile, then glanced briefly at the people across the street. Didn't they notice that some weird cosplayer was standing on top of a metal stick?

The figure leapt off the lamppost and soared in the air for a few brilliant seconds. Then he landed neatly on his feet in front of Inu-Yasha's shocked, open-mouthed face. "Hello," he said calmly. His eyes were red, like clear rubies, and his smile dripped with evil.

After a few minutes of staring, Inu-Yasha finally got his jaws working again.

"The fuck were you thinking?" Inu-Yasha yelled. "You could have gotten yourself killed and if you'd fallen right near me people would think I had something to do with it and I've already got enough shit on my hands and I don't need crazy people jumping off lampposts ruining my life any more!" His shoulders sheaved and he sucked in a load of air, ready to release another rant.

"Whoa, peace," the man said, then laughed as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever said. "Why don't you tell me about your problems?"

Inu-Yasha couldn't believe it. "No. I don't need some maniac with wings acting as my shrink." He stopped. "Hang on…are those wings real?"

The man smiled, and spread his wings. They were rich and black, shining cold blue in the setting light. "Shit," Inu-Yasha whispered. Then he yelled to the people across the street, "Do you see this? This guy has wings! Look!"

"Shut up!" came the response.

Inu-Yasha flicked them off and wondered if everyone else was just crazy. Or maybe it was him...

"They cannot see me," the figure said, eyes glinting. "Only you can see me."

Inu-Yasha's head was spinning. "Who the hell are you, anyway?"

"I am Lucifer, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Fallen Angel, whatever name you wish to use," the figure said, his eyes glinting. "But most people know me as the Devil."

"No shit." Cosplayers would tell you anything.

"Well, I'm half of him, anyway."

What was this guy saying? "Whatever," Inu-Yasha snorted. "And I'm surrounded by a bevy of naked women." He shook his head and turned to go.

As soon as he took a step, several woman sprang out of the air and threw themselves on him. All of them were beautiful, long-haired, and very naked. They giggled as they caressed his skin and curled his silver hair around their fingers. "Would you like us to pleasure you, master?" they asked coyly. "We'll do anything."

Inu-Yasha, now hyperventilating, wrenched himself away from the women (a difficult task indeed). The women laughed and vanished into mist. Panting, he looked at The Man Who Claimed to Be the Devil and All Other Synonymous Names. "What did you just do?" he snarled.

"Would you like me to do anything else?" he asked, in an imitation of the women's coy voices. "I can do more things to prove I am what I say, but it gets less pretty."

"Never mind. I believe you," Inu-Yasha said hurriedly. He had felt skeptical, but all traces of doubt were gone. A red-eyed man with wings and a fantasy fulfilled could do that. "So, what do you want with me, Mr., uh…Devil?"

"Call me Naraku," the Devil said smoothly. "Anyway, you mentioned something earlier that caught my interest."

Inu-Yasha cast his mind back to his earlier thoughts. What could he have possibly thought that would make the Devil himself come visit? "Uh, damn Kikyo to hell?"

Naraku rolled his eyes. "Please. If I had a nickel for every time someone damned someone else to hell, I could buy my way back into heaven." He smiled devilishly. "Not that I'd ever want to." He took a step closer to Inu-Yasha, way too much into his personal space. Inu-Yasha inched backwards. "You mentioned something about a soul, Inu-Yasha."

"Soul?" Inu-Yasha cast his mind back, and his features twisted into something like recognition. "Oh yeah…"

"Mmhmm. A soul. Your soul, in fact. You'd sell it if you could meet Kagome again, or something like that." Naraku waved his hand dismissively. "And as you ought to know, only so many people have a use for a soul. Someone tried to sell their soul on eBay, and that didn't work. Hmph, the fool, he should have just come to me or murdered someone or something piddly like that. But as I was saying, only God and the Devil have any use for a soul. And God's one being—he can only go so far to chase a soul." Naraku smirked and tapped the side of his head. "But nooo, he has to be All-Powerful and do the job himself, unlike us Devils."

Inu-Yasha narrowed his eyes. "Didn't God create you?"

"Shut up before I withdraw my offer."

"Wait…devils? As in plural?"

"Of course. You didn't think there was only one of us, did you? Hell grows a lot faster this way." Naraku gazed into Inu-Yasha's eyes, his ruby eyes shining almost scarily. "Now, how much do you want for your soul?"

Inu-Yasha rubbed his bruised forehead. This was way too much to think about after you'd just been beaten up by a girl. "I dunno, what do you have to wager with?"

Naraku smirked. "Wishes. I'll give you seven of them in exchange for your soul."

Inu-Yasha hesitated, brow scrunched as he pondered. A soul was a really big thing, even if eBay didn't think so. But then he paused to think about what he could do with seven wishes. Hell, no contest. "Done."

Naraku's smirk intensified. "Excellent. You've made a good choice."

Inu-Yasha could rule the world with one wish. He could hang Kikyo upside down over a swamp for crocodiles to snack on. He could turn everyone in Nakusaru High into ants then lure them into his lair with ice cream and then step on them.

But best of all, he could get Kagome Higurashi to like him.

Suddenly he thought of something. "Wait, this isn't like Aladdin where I can't wish for someone to fall in love with me, is it?"

The Devil looked affronted. "Oh, please. I'm Satan, not a plot device. The only thing you can't wish for is more wishes, because that sucks for me. Other than that, the sky's the limit. Provided that it stays within the contract."

"What contract?"

"Hm…I guess we seal the deal now. You ready to see where the bad people go?"

Inu-Yasha thought that checking out Kikyo's next home was probably a good idea. "Why not, I guess I could go seeyeaaarrrghhh!" His words meshed into one long yell as the ground opened and swallowed him up.

For a long time Inu-Yasha fell. Underground was a mixture of darkness and flashes of red stone. He wasn't even sure if he was on Earth anymore. He wanted to yell, but his stomach was up in his throat. He hoped Naraku was planning some sort of soft landing because from that height, at this speed, landing was going to be really, really painful.

He landed on his feet, and the shock nearly killed him. It probably could have, if he was still on earth. Inu-Yasha frowned and looked around him. I guess Hell doesn't care much about the safety of its visitors, he thought, his head and knees still ringing. Where was he, anyway? This looked like a corporate head's office, not the fiery dungeons of hell. The room was spacious, huge, with large windows and leather couches.

A shuffling of papers brought his attention back to the front. Naraku stood behind a large desk with a single sheet of paper in front of him. Next to him was a tall man with long silver hair and purple markings on his face. He wore an elaborate costume of silver, with a furry thing over his shoulder. Inu-Yasha shook his head. What is it with the devil and cosplaying?

"Ah, Inu-Yasha. So glad you could join us," Naraku said, bowing slightly. "Welcome to Hell."