As soon as the portrait slammed behind her Tanwen found herself looking at the whole of Gryffindor. There was silence for a moment as they all stared at her, with expressions ranging from disapproval, surprise and many of the younger house members looked rather scared. Percy, who was stood just in front of her with his wand out was the first to break the silence.
"There you go, she's here. You can stop bothering me now and go and sit quietly and await Professor McGonagall's return," he was speaking rather crossly to the group in front of him, who Tanwen immediately recognised as her closest friends. A defiant looking Jon stood at the front of the group next to a red-faced Marcia, the others standing just behind.
Not even waiting for Percy to finish talking Jon pushed past and caught Tanwen in a bone crushing hug.
"Where did you think you were going, you little idiot?" he scolded, letting her go to shake her by the shoulders.
She was saved having to reply by Cassie throwing her arms round her neck. She was surprised to feel her friend was shaking.
"It's alright, Cass," she said tentatively.
"You could have been killed!" Cassie replied in a choked voice. She let go and was gently pulled back by Mark, who put his arms around her.
"Geez guys, I'm sorry!" Tanwen said awkwardly, as she looked from one anxious face to the next.
"Just come and sit down so we can keep an eye on you," Marcia replied, pulling Tanwen away from the staring eyes of the other Gryffindors and over to the only gap available to sit on, which was on the stairway to the boys dorms. The buzz of uneasy conversation soon broke out again as they moved to the edge of the room.
Tanwen stared at the floor as they walked. She couldn't believe how shaken her friends had been! She had been so wrapped up in herself that she hadn't paused to think how it would affect the others. But the thing was, that even knowing it now, she wouldn't have changed what she have done if given the chance again. She knew she would always at least have to try and find her father. Even if it was a vain hope, because that was all she had.
It was a bit of a squash to fit them all on. And they ended up having to basically sit one or two to a step so the people at the top were out of view from the rest of the common room. Tanwen and Cassie were on the top step with Mark and Jon just below. Marcia had her legs stretched out on the next step her eyes flicking between Tanwen and the door until she told her friend that she wasn't about to make a dash for the exit and Marcia shrugged and stopped looking up at her. Lou and Dom were on the lowest step and were busy trying to convince a group of terrified first years that despite what had happened they were still perfectly safe in the common room.
Tanwen twisted her hair nervously around her finger as she waited for them to ask her what she'd been doing out there, while at the same time trying to think of an excuse herself. Everything that came to mind seemed completely lame- She'd eaten something that disagreed with her and had to run to the Hospital Wing -she'd gotten left outside when McGonagall was talking to Sir Cadogan and couldn't remember the password for ages to get back in- Honestly, her suggestions sounded bad even in her head, she might as well suggest 'I slipped on a banana skin and just slipped out the door and down the corridor'.
Jon cleared his throat, "Oh somebody say something, I don't like awkward silences."
"This isn't an awkward silence, it's …contemplative," Tanwen replied, struggling, "in fact I think we should all take a moment and enjoy the…contemplativeness."
He snorted and grinned, reaching out a hand to ruffle her hair, but Cassie snapped, "Why is everything a joke to you two? Tanwen could have been killed and you just….just…" she struggled to find words as she stood, her face flushed. She stood there for a moment before turning and running up the stairs.
Tanwen stared after her in shock and glanced at the others who were all looking at her. She bit her lip and then scrambled to her feet and followed Cassie.
She was at the top of the tower, looking out of the window, her back to Tanwen as she approached.
"I'm sorry Cassie," she tried, "I didn't mean for you to worry…"
"Well, we did," replied Cassie in a quiet voice still not turning to meet her, "as soon as we saw you'd gone we all wanted to come and find you, because what if he had found you first? Black hadn't killed Ron in a room full of witnesses, but if he found you alone in a corridor…" her voice shook and she broke off, shaking her head.
Tanwen bit back her reply, how could she tell Cassie that he would never have done that, when Sirius's best friend had just suggested something the same to her moments before? How could she explain things without telling her that Sirius was her father and breaking the promise she had made?
"I guess I just didn't think-"
"-No, you didn't!" Snapped Cassie, turning to face her. Tanwen was startled to see there were tears in her eyes. "You didn't and maybe this time things turned out fine, but next time you'll just do the same- because that's what you're like, Tanwen, you just rush into things with barely a thought- and next time things might be different and…and…" she sniffed and tears began to run down her cheeks. "And one day you'll rush out like that and…not come back."
Tanwen stared at her in horror, "Cassie…" she said, reaching out to her, "I'm ok. And that's never going to happen." She pulled a clean tissue out of her pocket and handed it to her friend.
Cassie took it and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Tanwen hugged her, and asked tentatively, "Was this really all about me?"
She sniffed and paused for a moment, when she spoke again her voice was quiet, "When I met you I told you I only had one sister, but the truth is that that wasn't always the case. I used to have a little sister as well called Bonnie. She was eight years younger than me and since Claire had already moved into her house with her new husband I felt like it was my job to look after her. She was so little. Her hair was so light I used to joke with her saying that she must be an angel because her hair shone so brightly in the sun. Every afternoon I would take her out into the garden or the playhouse if it was raining and she was always so good- she's sit perfectly still while I read to her, or plaited her hair, or made sandcastles in the sandpit in the garden."
She gulped and clutched at Tanwen's hands that were holding her, "Then one day when we were out in the garden my mum called me into the house to help her with something, and I went. I was only gone a minute-less then that- but when I got back…Bonnie had gone. We searched everywhere for her, in the garden, out in the street, my mum called the police straight away-but they wouldn't come because she'd only been gone ten minutes."
"What happened?" she asked, but somehow she already knew how this story ended.
"We never found her." Cassie replied, her head bowed, "-I mean, they did but…she'd fallen in the river a few minutes from our house…she didn't know how to swim."
Tanwen hugged her tightly, not knowing what to say. Tears rolled down her cheeks too as she just held her friend as she cried softly, her tears warm at wet as they soaked through her nightdress onto her shoulder.
How could you live so closely with someone day by day and never even know? To never even guess that something was wrong. Cassie had always seemed the most…untroubled of her friends, but to have lost a sister…Tanwen couldn't even begin to understand what that must feel like.
"I'm so sorry, Cass," she said expressively. "I had no idea."
Cassie lifted her head, "It was a long time ago, I was only ten at the time. It was a few months before I got my letter from Hogwarts actually."
"Do the others know?"
"Marcia and Lou know that my little sister died a few months before I started here. But the guys don't know, we weren't really friends with them until late on in the second year really and I guess it never really came up."
Tanwen thought for a moment, "I'm sorry I made you relive it all again tonight."
"It's not your fault really," Cassie replied with a weak smile, "It's not your fault you're rash and impulsive-oh no wait, it is!"
Tanwen laughed and hugged her again. Then they both shivered. They'd been stood up here for nearly ten minutes and a cold wind was blowing through a gap in the wall above them where it met the roof.
"Come on, let's go steal the guys' stuff," Tanwen said, leading Cassie down to the room that said 'Fourth Year Boys'.
They pushed open the door and wandered in. Six beds in varying states of untidiness circled the room. Tanwen, having been here before, knew whose bed was whose and walked past Chris and Leo's bed to Mark's on the other side. Cassie followed,
"Whose bed is that?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth despite the sadness she still felt from their conversation.
"Mark's," Tanwen replied with a grin, "who'd have guessed it'd be such a bombsite?"
Cassie couldn't resist a giggle as she waded through the various t-shirts, trousers and robes that littered the floor around her boyfriend's bed. Tanwen was poking dubiously through a half open drawer.
"What are you looking for?" Cassie asked curiously.
"A jumper for you," Tanwen replied, looking up, "he won't mind, and it's quicker than going back to get one of your own. Ah-ha," she pulled out a dark red fleece, "try this on," she added, throwing it over the bed to Cassie who caught it.
While she was pulling it on over her nightdress, Tanwen walked round the bed next to Mark's, which, in complete contrast to the former, was immaculately tidy. Apart from the bed covers, which were pushed back in the occupant's haste to get downstairs. Spotting something amidst the sheets Tanwen started to laugh and pulled it out for Cassie to see.
"How cute is this?" she said, holding up a dog-eared cuddly animal that looked like it had seen better days. Most of its fur was worn off and the dirty cream body looked very much like it could have been almost white when new. It had long floppy ears, the left one was coming away from the head as the stitching was starting to unravel. The felt nose was almost completely worn away and all in all the toy dog looked very tired.
"Whose is it?" Cassie asked, laughing, it felt good to laugh. It helped to banish her sadness to the back of her mind once more. Tanwen always knew how to make her laugh.
"Jon's," Tanwen announced, bringing the dog closer and taking a dubious sniff, "Smells not too bad actually," she said with surprise.
"Wonder what he calls it," Cassie said as she wandered over and held out her hands for the toy.
"We'll have to ask him then," Tanwen replied with an smirk, handing it over and turning to open his wardrobe, "I'm not sure I want to brave his drawers," she told Cassie over her shoulder as she leafed through his clothes.
"I don't think he'd appreciate it much," Cassie said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "So, if this is Jon's bed and that one's Mark's," she said gesturing, "whose are the others? Oh, no wait a second let me guess."
Getting up she wandered along in between the beds looking for telltale signs. Tanwen watched her as she pulled a blue jumper of a hanger and dragged it over her head.
"Hmmm," Cassie mused, pausing at the next bed along, "Ok, that one has to be Dom's. No-one else'd keep a picture of Lou next to their bed!" she picked up the frame and looked at the picture, "They're so cute together!"
She put it down and turned to the next bed, "That's Dave's, I recognise his Saints shirt."
"Saints?" Tanwen queried.
"It's the nickname of the football team he supports," Cassie explained, holding up the red and white stripped shirt that hung over the end of his bed, "Southampton FC really, but most people just call them the Saints. I thought you were muggle born."
Tanwen shook her head, "No, at least one side of my family was definitely magical. Plus you have to remember that even if I was brought up by muggles, it wasn't exactly your average muggle upbringing. Mrs Lander lived in the middle of the countryside and I never went to school, she had me home tutored."
"Oh." She looked round at the other two beds, "I guess that leaves those two as Chris and Leo's beds. But judging from the toad sat on that bed, that'll be Chris's."
Tanwen wrinkled her nose, "I don't like toads."
"I don't really either, they're all slimy," Cassie agreed, "but Chris always leaves Neville here."
"Neville?" Tanwen laughed, "His toad is called Neville?"
Cassie laughed too, "Yeah well, how was he to know that the year after he came a boy would be Sorted into our house who had a pet toad and happened to be called Neville?"
Tanwen was sat on Jon's bed and had pulled his duvet up around her like a cocoon. Cassie came back over to sit with her and she opened up one of the sides which Cassie wrapped round her.
"Feeling better?" Tanwen asked.
She nodded, "It still hurts, but I don't think it will ever go away." Then she smiled and rested her head briefly against Tanwen's shoulder, "I guess I'm just lucky I have friends like you."
Tanwen smiled awkwardly, she wasn't sure she deserved that praise. But in a way she was glad that she'd learned about Cassie's sister. It made her realise that she couldn't always act without thinking of the effects on other people. She'd been independent for so long that she'd forgotten what it felt like to have people that would be affected by your actions.
And it made her feel guilty that she couldn't tell Cassie about Sirius. It seemed like the longer she lived with the Gryffindors, the more they shared their lives with her. She'd been made more welcome at Hogwarts than she could have believed possible. All her friends had given her so much and it seemed to her that she had only taken in return.
"Shall we go back to the others?" Cassie suggested, interrupting her thoughts.
"Err…sure," Tanwen replied, blinking. Then she got up and followed Cassie out the door, the duvet trailing behind her as she walked.
"Everything alright?" Mark asked as they joined the others. He and Jon were the only ones left on the stairs and had their legs stretched out along one step each. "Is that my jumper?"
Cassie nodded, "You don't mind, do you?"
"Course not," he replied, budging along to make room for her as she stepped over Jon. "Where did you get it?"
"From you drawer," Tanwen replied, sitting down on the step above Jon and arranging his duvet round her.
"You're treading on me," Jon pointed out.
"No, I'm resting my feet on your legs," Tanwen corrected.
"That's- hey, it that my jumper?" he leaned forward and tugged one corner of the duvet down.
"Yes," she replied, "I was cold."
"I'd never have picked you for a neat freak," Cassie said then held up something with a grin, "Who's this?"
Jon flushed and grabbed the toy out of her hands, "Where did you get that?"
"Have you not been listening? We were in your room," Tanwen replied in an amused tone.
"That's Biscuit Crumbs," Mark told the girls.
"Well I think it's cute," Tanwen said, patting Jon on the head. He scowled and swiped at her hand.
"Any news?" Cassie asked, turning to Mark.
He shook his head, "Nothing. Everyone's still in the common room waiting for news."
"I wonder what's happening."
"They'll be searching the castle. Imagine how long that'd take! I wouldn't be surprised if it takes them all night."
"He's probably escaped by now," Jon said trying to wrestle some of the duvet away from Tanwen. After a struggle, she slipped down onto the step he was on and they sat side by side with the duvet round them both, though admittedly Tanwen had the larger share.
"I wonder what'd happen if they caught him," Cassie said.
"Didn't you hear? It was announced in 'The Daily Prophet' a few weeks ago," Jon said. He was sent a copy of the wizarding paper by his parents.
"What?"
Tanwen clasped her hands together tightly under the duvet and tried to calm herself.
"Horrible really," Jon continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil, "The Ministry have given the Dementor's permission to perform the Dementor's Kiss if they find him."
Tanwen suddenly felt extremely sick. She knew what that meant. It was the Dementor's last and most hideous weapon. They could literally suck the life out of someone, leaving them a hollow, empty shell. She shivered and gulped back the bile she could feel rising in her throat.
"You can't still be cold-" Jon paused as he turned to look at her, "Are you alright?"
"It's just that…" her mouth felt dry and she could feel her eyes beginning to sting. "That's…"
"I know it seems horrible, but think about what he did," Mark said.
She was intensely aware that they were all staring at her. She gulped and blinked furiously, trying to stop herself from crying. They wouldn't find him. They couldn't. She ducked her head and rested it on her knees, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, in an effort to prevent the shaking that had begun the moment Jon had mentioned the Dementor's Kiss.
She felt Jon put his arm round her and shuffle closer, "What's the matter?"
"Is it the Dementors?" Cassie suggested, "I know you hate them. Every time we go to Hogsmeade you practically sprint past them and when we catch up with you you're all pale and shaking."
"They make me pass out if they're near me for too long," Tanwen mumbled, her voice slightly muffled as she made no move to lift her head.
"Why?"
She shrugged.
"Dementors make you relive the worst moments of your life," Mark said, thinking out loud for the others' benefit, "they suck all the happiness and goodness out of you and so that's all you're left with. So in theory the worse your past memories are the more they affect you."
There was a long pause as they looked at the top of Tanwen's bowed head. She could almost hear their thoughts and sighed.
"Tanwen…" Cassie began tentatively.
"Yes," she replied dully, knowing what was coming.
"What…if you don't mind me asking, that is…what happened?"
She raised her head a little but kept her eyes on her knees. "When I was younger I was…in an accident. There was …an explosion…I was too far away to be hurt much but…there were many other people who weren't." She paused and shuddered, remembering what she saw and heard every time the Dementors were near her. Jon gripped her shoulders tightly and she forced herself to continue, "I was looking for someone I'd lost in the crowd. There were people everywhere, lying in the road, not all of them were dead. One man…he…he was trying to move towards me…he," her voice shook and her knuckles were white where she was gripping her hands so tightly, she gulped, "he must have been really close when it happened because…his legs must have been…he didn't…" somehow she couldn't say it, but the others understood what she meant. When she spoke again her voice was almost a whisper, "There was so much screaming…"
There was a long silence. Cassie climbed up onto the step next to her and covered Tanwen's shaking hands with her own, leaning slightly so her head rested gently against her dark hair. Mark looked uncomfortably at Tanwen and then to Jon who shrugged ever so slightly.
"It's alright, we won't talk about it again," Jon said, giving her shoulders a final squeeze and then shifting down a step to give the two girls more room.
Tanwen nodded and sniffed before helping to move the duvet so it covered Cassie as well. Then the two of them sat quietly holding hands, taking comfort from the other and listening to the two boys talk beneath them. Tanwen had the distinct impression that they were trying to cheer the other two up by relating stories about the stupid things that had happened in the past.
Not long before dawn they were sat along the wall in the common room. After and hour or so the stairs had become very cold and they had moved to sit in a long line in the common room. It was surprisingly quiet for the number of people in there. Mostly people were talking in hushed voices or sitting in silence.
Tanwen sat in between Jon and Mark, who had Cassie on his lap. She yawned and rested her head against Jon's shoulder. As much as she worried about what was happening outside Gryffindor Tower she was mentally and physically exhausted and was having trouble keeping her eyes open.
The portrait hole swung open and a tired looking McGonagall announced that Sirius had escaped again. Tanwen closed her eyes and sighed with relief. Then she got to her feet and followed the rest of the dispersing crowd as they went to change before heading down to breakfast.
A/N: Hmm, I think that ended a little abruptly, but never mind, can't be bothered to fix it. Hope you enjoyed the latest instalment and that it was worth waiting for!
xx