Part 15: Secrets Hide Lies
Lily had been walking absentmindedly for nearly half an hour, and strangely enough found herself only blocks from the school. She'd been thinking very hard about what she'd say to Ray, Robbie, and Travis. She held the picture of Jessica in her hand, but suddenly she found herself not moving. She opened a small pocket of her school bag, and tucked the picture inside. She knew what she was going to say to the guys, and it didn't involve any pictures. She smiled evilly to herself, but slowly her mouth curved out of the smile to an expressionless gaze she'd gotten used to carrying. She looked almost as if he was frowning, but her eyes didn't show that she was. They seemed inquisitive looking intently around at everything she could see, almost as if learning. She'd never felt such a complicated emotion before. A mixture of grief, love, anger, despair, betrayal, tension, anxiety, joy, curiosity, dread, as well as other emotions she couldn't quite name because they were so faint. IF you can imagine such an emotion. She wondered if anyone else had ever felt the way she did now. Was it even possible to feel this way on a daily basis, or was this an emotion that only a tiny handful of people would ever experience. Was she the only one?
She swallowed a lump that seemed to have been resting in her throat for days, ever since she'd first learned of the lies. Again she began to walk, she'd probably be late to school but she didn't care. Her teachers would probably give her a break as well since she'd been gone for so long. She picked up a small pebble from the ground and hurled it down the street.
"Lily!" A voice called from behind.
"Ed?" Lily asked in surprise.
"I hope you studied your physics while you were home sick." He said.
She laughed in the hopes that she was masking the truth. "Oh yeah."
"We have a test in science today, and I don't know if you'll be excused from it." He continued.
"But I have to say I spent more time on my history studies..." She said.
He looked disappointed.
"I was kidding!" She laughed.
"One should never 'kid' about science." He returned with a smile.
"You'd better hurry up, you can't afford to be late." She said.
"And you can?" He asked.
Lily took her tray and shyly sat down next to her friends.
"Lily!" Ray gave her a hug.
"It's good to see you." Travis added.
None of them approached the subject of Jessica. She could tell by their faces that they were waiting intently for her to speak of her own accord. They must have gone over it a million times. "Mention nothing about Jessica." She could picture them say, and they were obviously following their own advice.
"So how was New York?" Ray asked casually. "Owww." He said as Robbie elbowed him.
"It was fine. I didn't see much of the town though." She explained.
"I heard there are some pretty amazing sites in New York, if I have to move again I'd like to move there." Travis said, trying to recover from Ray's little slip.
"Guy's you can ask." Lily said.
"Ask about what?" Robbie acted confused.
"You know what I mean!" Lily exclaimed.
"Yeah, you know what she means!" Ray agreed. "Owww!" He said as Lily punched him.
"If you wanted us to ask, you should have told us originally." Travis said.
"Ok then," Robbie began. "How's Jessica?"
Lily looked nervously around the circle of faces. She had never been one to lie before. Maybe she shouldn't have made them ask, but she wanted their sympathy. She still felt that same feeling, she felt as if her feelings themselves were confused and couldn't decide what they were. She wanted people to give their condolences, but at the same time she knew that no one knew the truth.
"Jessica is fine." She smiled hiding her pain.
She was now very skilled in the arts of lying and hiding her feelings. She decided that both of these were very important. This would be her secret; she would carry it to her grave. Her friends didn't need to know the truth, no one did. She'd simply ask her parents not to talk about it, and if someone asked they were simply to say "everything's fine." Feeling a sudden onset of rage from her lies she looked away. This was HER secret; this would always be HER secret. No one would ever know how she felt; she simply had to shy away from the world. She would simply have no feelings. She would simply ignore everything she had always known.
Lily had been walking absentmindedly for nearly half an hour, and strangely enough found herself only blocks from the school. She'd been thinking very hard about what she'd say to Ray, Robbie, and Travis. She held the picture of Jessica in her hand, but suddenly she found herself not moving. She opened a small pocket of her school bag, and tucked the picture inside. She knew what she was going to say to the guys, and it didn't involve any pictures. She smiled evilly to herself, but slowly her mouth curved out of the smile to an expressionless gaze she'd gotten used to carrying. She looked almost as if he was frowning, but her eyes didn't show that she was. They seemed inquisitive looking intently around at everything she could see, almost as if learning. She'd never felt such a complicated emotion before. A mixture of grief, love, anger, despair, betrayal, tension, anxiety, joy, curiosity, dread, as well as other emotions she couldn't quite name because they were so faint. IF you can imagine such an emotion. She wondered if anyone else had ever felt the way she did now. Was it even possible to feel this way on a daily basis, or was this an emotion that only a tiny handful of people would ever experience. Was she the only one?
She swallowed a lump that seemed to have been resting in her throat for days, ever since she'd first learned of the lies. Again she began to walk, she'd probably be late to school but she didn't care. Her teachers would probably give her a break as well since she'd been gone for so long. She picked up a small pebble from the ground and hurled it down the street.
"Lily!" A voice called from behind.
"Ed?" Lily asked in surprise.
"I hope you studied your physics while you were home sick." He said.
She laughed in the hopes that she was masking the truth. "Oh yeah."
"We have a test in science today, and I don't know if you'll be excused from it." He continued.
"But I have to say I spent more time on my history studies..." She said.
He looked disappointed.
"I was kidding!" She laughed.
"One should never 'kid' about science." He returned with a smile.
"You'd better hurry up, you can't afford to be late." She said.
"And you can?" He asked.
Lily took her tray and shyly sat down next to her friends.
"Lily!" Ray gave her a hug.
"It's good to see you." Travis added.
None of them approached the subject of Jessica. She could tell by their faces that they were waiting intently for her to speak of her own accord. They must have gone over it a million times. "Mention nothing about Jessica." She could picture them say, and they were obviously following their own advice.
"So how was New York?" Ray asked casually. "Owww." He said as Robbie elbowed him.
"It was fine. I didn't see much of the town though." She explained.
"I heard there are some pretty amazing sites in New York, if I have to move again I'd like to move there." Travis said, trying to recover from Ray's little slip.
"Guy's you can ask." Lily said.
"Ask about what?" Robbie acted confused.
"You know what I mean!" Lily exclaimed.
"Yeah, you know what she means!" Ray agreed. "Owww!" He said as Lily punched him.
"If you wanted us to ask, you should have told us originally." Travis said.
"Ok then," Robbie began. "How's Jessica?"
Lily looked nervously around the circle of faces. She had never been one to lie before. Maybe she shouldn't have made them ask, but she wanted their sympathy. She still felt that same feeling, she felt as if her feelings themselves were confused and couldn't decide what they were. She wanted people to give their condolences, but at the same time she knew that no one knew the truth.
"Jessica is fine." She smiled hiding her pain.
She was now very skilled in the arts of lying and hiding her feelings. She decided that both of these were very important. This would be her secret; she would carry it to her grave. Her friends didn't need to know the truth, no one did. She'd simply ask her parents not to talk about it, and if someone asked they were simply to say "everything's fine." Feeling a sudden onset of rage from her lies she looked away. This was HER secret; this would always be HER secret. No one would ever know how she felt; she simply had to shy away from the world. She would simply have no feelings. She would simply ignore everything she had always known.