Hello there,

Here is another chapter. Review responses below. I hope it proves to be as entertaining as the first. Or perhaps I hope it continues to mean something.

Read and enjoy,

--MC

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Roll With It

You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much for me to take

Don't ever stand aside
Don't ever be denied
You wanna be who you'd be
If you're coming with me

I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I'm gonna take me away and hide
I'm thinking of things that I just can't abide

I know the roads down which your life will drive
I find the key that lets you slip inside
Kiss the girl, she's not behind the door
But you know I think I recognize your face
But I've never seen you before

You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much for me to take

I know the roads down which your life will drive
I find the key that lets you slip inside
Kiss the girl, she's not behind the door
But you know I think I recognize your face
But I've never seen you before

You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
'Cause it's all too much for me to take

Don't ever stand aside
Don't ever be denied
You wanna be who you'd be
If you're coming with me

I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside
I think I've got a feeling I've lost inside

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Walking back to Kaede's hut seemed like mere seconds compared to the boring and idle minutes that droned on before. Sango was silently biting on her lip next to me and I could not for the life of me bring up what she had said. It seemed like it didn't really matter anymore, I guess. Well, yes, it did matter. But, this may sound very Inuyasha of me; we have shards to collect and things to do. Why should I, dressed as a servant of Buddha really bring up something that could create more chaos and tension in our diverse group? And anyways, I was having turmoil of my own…

I was a little relieved that Inuyasha didn't burst into a tirade when he first saw us holding hands, but I supposed it would be coming. And sure enough, just as Sango had gone ahead of me, while I stopped to inconspicuously fondle another bletilla and put the leaves in a pouch I had for safe keeping, there was a shout that sounded very much like a slightly enraged hanyou yelling my name.

"MONK!" Well, perhaps not my name, but details weren't quite necessary when possibly mutilation by claws was in the midst. I turned around slowly to meet a white curtain of hair. Cannot see face, resisting urge to push back hair because a) Inuyasha would kill me, b) is really seeing his probably angry face better than not seeing it, c) that would mean I would have to touch the half youkai…d) uhh…kinda creepy? and most importantly e) Inuyasha would kill me.

"Yes, Inuyasha? You called?" Trying to keep fear from entering my scent, I used a little of my Houriki to mask it as much as possible.

"You know what you did wrong." I paused in my response to assure him that I meant no harm to Kagome. Was touching her hand really wrong? I was comforting the girl. Well, in all actuality, she was comforting me; however, again, details are not important especially when Inuyasha flexed his claws a bit. Must. Keep. Calm.

"I do? I do." I answered with manly grace.

"Don't let it happen again…" he trailed off and suddenly it was all very clear to me. It wasn't the fact that she touched me that was the real issue here. That was obvious in Inuyasha's half-hearted scolding. The real issue was the fact that there was still the possibility that Kagome had touched ME first and not the other way around.

"I can assure you that Kagome did not touch me freely." I winced a bit at how that sounded to his overprotective ears and inwardly winced at the blatant lie. Why did it hurt to lie about that?

"Whatever Monk," he mumbled and went inside his robe to get something and then shoved it into my hand. And then without another word he walked away…seemingly downtrodden. I looked down into the hand that had received this unexpected gift and I had to do a double take for I could not believe what I held.

Jellied squid.

I watched Inuyasha walk away. And I felt entirely too happy and too stupid to move for quite some time.

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When one waits for something or is wary of something happening, it always results in the time before the thing happens to be slowed down and remembered by every excruciating detail. It seemed as if my life was perpetually in this slowed-down state where everything seemed to be very acute and I seemed to be almost hyper-aware of the people and things around me and feelings inside me. When one is in this state, you cannot do anything to speed up the time around you, except occupy yourself with something you enjoy to pass the strange time conundrum. However, with the absence of Kagome, the shard group became a very dull gathering, which consisted of a pining (whether for Kagome, Kikyou or the shards was a tough choice) hanyou, a dedicated tiayja (the Hiraikotsu has needs to, damn it), a random youkai (what did Kirara do on her days off?) and a mournful fox demon (sulking was not the best entertainment, contrary to popular opinion). I, on the other hand, was left to much meditation and pondering, which we all know can get quite annoying, boring, pathetic and sad a little too soon after occupying such a practice. And with the addition of my sudden yearning for perhaps more normal human interaction, this secluded and introverted behavior which I had adopted as my own normal mannerisms over the course of many years seemed even more inadequate than usual. I couldn't help but still get this feeling that I had been missing something vitally important over the years of my life and for the umpteenth time trying I could not figure out what was missing. Certainly I had many discouragements in my life and yet these never seemed to outwardly or inwardly affect me much before…but perhaps they did and I did not notice something was wrong until this moment. Of course being a monk was quite a lonely existence with traveling from land to land without any set home or destination. And of course I knew this when I went into this certain vocation, but still, there was something missing here and ever since the discussion with Kagome, I could not put my finger on it. Or her. Which was sorely missed, let me tell you. Sango is simply too violent sometimes.

Sighing inaudibly for about the thousandth time, I distanced myself from camp to meditate. There was at least one thing that was good about being a monk—who else could sit around and think about the beauty of ahem nature day after day under the guise of a religious necessity? And with that, I surrendered myself to the happy visions Buddha provided for me…

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Buddha sucks. Well, okay, alright, Buddha doesn't suck. I just couldn't concentrate on anything that I deemed important any longer. Kuso. Were there any women in this village that I haven't propositioned yet? There was Haruko, but she got clingy. I needed to get my mind clear, needed some sexual distraction to rid me of these stupid, vulnerable thoughts that left me strangely boggled down and clouded. Inuyasha had been growing restless as of late, perhaps sensing a bit of danger or shards or some smell in the air. It wasn't anything but the cold hard truth that everything stopped when Kagome left. We never found shards without her. It was as if her simple presence created a magnet for trouble that came for miles around. I bet if we waited long enough (and Inuyasha wasn't so damn impatient), we could just sit at the village here and have the shards coming to us. But the destruction that road would incur would be massive. And as a human, I sort of had a soft spot for the supposed bad-smelling, primitive, simple-minded creatures of my species. Well, that was the view of the demons, certainly. I could easily have recounted other lines of delight masked under the thick fabric of robes and expensive silk. The way a body moved in the moonlight and the flicker of passion in someone's eyes. The subtle (or not so subtle) curvature of a hip swelling to a supple a—

"Kagome! You're back!" I didn't even flinch as I heard everyone packing up for the road. That was perhaps the benefit of being a monk. All that I needed I carried within the confines of my robe, food was caught or provided or…ahem borrowed. Robes were mended, cleaned and worn. Nothing changed, as I heard everyone packing up, making the sounds of a camp, a well traveled group of close friends. It seemed strange that we should practically live together yet knows nothing, really, about each other. Well, perhaps know nothing about me. We knew Sango used to live in a village of demon exterminators where she was happy. We knew Shippou lived with his family until they were killed by Hiten and Manten. We knew Inuyasha was discarded from his family, his mother killed, him living in obscurity (oh, don't you just feel sooooo sorry for him?), him desiring the jewel and Kikyou and then being pinned to a tree for fifty years. We knew that Kagome lives five hundred years in the future, where she goes to school. Yet what about me? They only know that I'm a traveling monk who was cursed by Naraku in a family curse. They didn't know anything. And the worst part was that no one cared to even ask. It was as if I wasn't even important enough to deem even the slightest bit of curiosity. Getting up from my meditation position away from the camp, I presented myself to the group. They were all about to leave, Inuyasha already ahead by at least a hundred feet. Sango followed him closely with Shippou and Kiara. Kagome stood around, squinting in the sunlight until she saw me and smiled.

"Ya coming, Miroku-sama?" Of course I am, Kagome. Of course I am.

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Later that night as we settled into a nice home that seemed to play host to a mysterious ominous cloud, I ventured outside to be alone with the stars. I had taken to glancing at them at night when I was alone. It gave me perspective on my life that I couldn't gain anywhere else. It made me feel so one with the world at that one moment in time, so interconnected that I was sure, for one damn moment, that we would defeat Naraku before my death. I knew, call it hope, but I knew that I wouldn't pass this on to my child. It was perhaps the only thing I had left to give me faith in our quest. So perhaps this was what I was contemplating when she came up beside me and sat down without me noticing. But as I turned and saw her there, glancing at the stars as I did, it was as if it was completely natural to have her there beside me.

"Where did you learn to do that, Miroku-sama?" She asked without lifting her gaze from the sky. She had this way about her where she could say something completely out of the blue and I always knew what she was referring to. She was so bizarre sometimes that I often felt like her translator, her mediator to a group of people five hundred years before her time. Perhaps it was my monk training that made me more patient with her than most, but I liked to believe it was because in moments like these, although rare, I felt like I knew her, inexplicably.

"Before I was a monk I lived in the home of a medicine Buddhist. I was training from him to perhaps become a doctor." I was still looking at her when she turned from the sky to look me in the eye. Her eyes bore into mine, as if trying to ascertain if I was really telling her something about myself, if my statement was true or not.

"Why didn't you become a doctor?" She asked a little while later, turning her gaze back to the stars, as if conceding that I was indeed telling the truth.

"I…I couldn't perform…well enough." She glanced back at me, and I sheepishly raised my rosary-clad arm. "Can't do much with a hole in your palm, can you?" I added, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks at the thought of giving her more pieces to the puzzle. She scooted closer and smiled serenely as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"There is a lot that you can do, though. I mean, you fight really well with your staff…" Trying to lighten the mood, I made a quick and hasty exit she provided for me. Ah, being a known hentai has its advantages.

"There are other things that I can do really well with my staff, Kagome…" I didn't know when exactly she had become more intimate with me to be called just Kagome, but it seemed to fit. And even though I had called her just "Kagome" before, I winced at the prevalence of it, out here in the night where everything became more pronounced and insecurities were open like fresh wounds exposed to the air. Lifting her head from my shoulder, I expected the usual retort and slap, but she just looked at me closely again, like I was an object to be examined…like she was the doctor and I was the patient. I didn't like that.

"Why do you do that?" She asked, scooting a little closer to me. I could smell her hair and the scents that she took in the bath with her.

"Why do I do what?" I asked, playing dumb and once again looking at the stars. Her gentle hand gripped my chin and directed my gaze back to her face.

"Why do you just redirect the conversation when it's centered on yourself? You always do that…" she mused, releasing my chin as my eyes grew wide at the prospect of her touching me willingly. But I was also silent because I couldn't think up a good excuse for anything. I couldn't even begin to think of how to answer her question. I was struck dumb and for a second I wondered when the last time that happened was. I had so many shocks in my life and it was strange to think that when faced with perhaps the truth of my character I paused. I didn't pause when I learned I was to probably die at a young age, cursed with a hole in my palm that sucked people in (sounds kind of insane, right?). I didn't pause when I found that I couldn't hold a knife. I didn't pause when I couldn't hold a sword. I didn't pause when I couldn't have a…woman. I thought on all these events, but I didn't question it at the time. they didn't shock me. Perhaps I was numb, perhaps I was dumb, but whatever it was, I sat there looking at Kagome without anything intelligent to say whatsoever. Do I do that? "I always just figured you were shy and humble, but that isn't really it, is it, Miroku?" She then turned back to the damn sky and started watching the stars again, as if knowing all along that I had no answer, that I certainly didn't have an answer now and that it upset me beyond words.

However, I dully noted, she didn't call me "Miroku-sama." So, I glanced at the sky too, her head still resting on my shoulder in a precarious way, as if she didn't notice she had leaned on me at all. In the dark night, I allowed myself to relax, the muscles unknotting and I sighed a little before I put my arm around her small frame and adjusted her as I moved to get more relaxed. It felt normal, for some reason, as if we had done this all before in some strange land of happiness and butterflies and pocky. It made me kind of confused. It made me kind of elated. And it made me kind of afraid.

And suddenly I had to act. The muscles bunched again but I stayed still. Her, being there, listening to me, consoling me, touching me, being with me, it was all too much for me to take. I had to show her, make her understand what this meant to me. I was always better at physicality. Words escaped me at such moments, my body taking over in its natural state. I don't know if this was what should have been done, but I had to show her that it wasn't all for naught, that I understood what she was doing. I would think on it later if I agreed with her or if she even had a point. But right now, I had to show her with my body and my hands what this was to me. So, interrupting our peaceful moment of star gazing, I gently touched her face and turned it towards mine. Her smile had frozen and her eyes had gone unexpectedly wide. I didn't know what I was doing, really. It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream, I thought to myself as I brought my lips closer. I nuzzled her nose with mine and then barely brought my lips to hover over hers, wanting to swallow her gasp forever. I brushed over her lips repeatedly, like flower petals sliding over smooth skin. I could feel her hot breath on my lips and I didn't think as I brushed her hair back from her face and pressed a little harder, yet still lighter than I ever kissed a woman before. She drew away then, as if afraid, and I closed my eyes as I turned away from her, not able to see the rejection that had to be in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kagome-sama, you were just being so…I don't know…so—"

"Nice to you?" She answered throatily. I shivered a little at the husky sound her voice had taken. I wanted to turn around and kiss her again, but I was afraid that I would scare her away.

"I suppose that was it." I got up, keeping my head down and I offered my cursed hand to help her stand as well. She took it gently, as if wary of the pain I experienced with the rosary biting into my flesh. Or perhaps it was her hand she was wary of, I couldn't help but think as I turned and started walking back to the village. I heard running footsteps and suddenly her arms were around my middle from behind as she held me. I ran a finger over her tiny hands clasped about my waist and I felt her head in between my shoulder blades. I let her hug me for a while and then tugged her hands to let go and started walking back to the village. Kagome didn't walk behind me, she didn't return to the village until much later.

She was my friend, that was all, I repeated over in my head as she pulled out her sleeping bag to rest. When Kagome lay down with Shippou in her arms, my stomach clenched uncontrollably. I took a seat on the wall opposite from her, watching her from the space between the hair in my eyes. Clutching my monk staff to me closely, I allowed meditative sleep overcome me, wondering what lost feeling was swirling inside me once more.

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Review responses:

Tenshiemi: Wow…that was quite sweet. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. And definitely check out Oasis. They kick…erm…ass.

Fyre Ahnjayl: Yeah, Miroku is so damn interesting. I think the fellow is genius on the characterization part myself. Kudos for noticing.

Suppis Tenshi: How I love thee, sweetie. I miss you. Come back and talk to me soon. Stupid interenet! GRRR ARGH.

Embyrr: I am hardly a librarian or an accomplished author. I'm just an aspiring one, I guess. Thanks for the compliment; I try to deliver quality work. Kudos for noticing.