Chapter 4
Disclaimer: I don't own anything t do with friends.
I think there's something wrong with ff.net. Other characters replace all quotation marks, so im trying to reload this chapter to see if it solves the problem. If it doesn't I apologise, and if it does ignore this lol Mwah xxxx
~*~
"Alright Pheebs? How was school tonight? Have fun?" Chandler turned barely to face Phoebe from the couch, as he bounced her daughter on his knee, trying unsuccessfully to calm her painful sounding sobs.
"It was great! My tutor has helped me to change courses and I had my first new class tonight and I absolutely love it! I am so excited, they are sending me on a work placement to Beth Israel on Monday for a week to give me a taste of what its like to work on a hospital ward and," Phoebe cut short her incessant chatter after finally seeing Lily in distress.
"What's wrong with her? Is she ok Chandler?" She ran hurriedly to Chandler's side to get a closer look for herself.
"Yeah, don't worry hun, we think it's just that she's teething. Mon's gone down to the 24-hour chemist on Bleeker to see if she can pick up some kind of ointment to help ease the pain. We can't have our precious little girl hurting, can we?" He stroked her dark hair gently in sympathy. Seeing her in such pain was frustrating for him because he couldn't do anything to make it better and go away.
Lily rested her head down on Chandler's chest, her body finding comfort in his peaceful swaying. Her tears soaked through onto his clean shirt as her chubby little arms curled over his body, and her eyes blinked back sleep, desperately fighting it off. It was clear Chandler was doing something right to soothe her, despite the agony she was in.
"Your such a natural, look at the way you have pacified her!" Phoebe couldn't help but beam. Chandler was so good with kids, but he never let himself believe it. He always seemed to cut her off whenever she tried to throw any kind of admiration his way where her daughter was concerned. "No Confidence? Or maybe its commitment issues? That must be what his problem is?" She wondered to herself as she watched Chandler squirm uncomfortably around in his seat.
"Nah," He tried to shrug it off, but Phoebe wouldn't let up.
"Stop that! Ok I know you have "issues", but when someone, especially me, praises you, accept it! I don't say it to butter you up, I say I because I mean it. Deep down you must know you are great with babies? You must know you and Monica are going to make wonderful parents?
"Do I?" Chandler looked around him for a place to run to, but he knew he was trapped where he was, next to Phoebe and her relentless unknowing rambling.
"I can't wait for you and Mon to have kids, then Lily will have a playmate! Oh my God can you imagine how cute your babies are going to be?"
"YES PHOEBE I DO! I IMAGINE EVERY SINGLE GOD-DAMN DAY!" Chandler jumped from his seat beside her and practically threw Lily back into her mother's arms as he paced the floor before her, running his hands erratically through his hair, urgently trying to get his mind straight. He had snapped, gone to far, said too much.
Phoebe stood calmly and placed a near-asleep Lily back in her travel cot.
"Chandler?" She brushed her hand over his shoulder to get him to turn around but he harshly shrugged her away. Not one to let things go she tried again.
"Chandler, talk to me. What just happened then?"
"Nothing, ok? Nothing!" He kept his back to Phoebe, for fear his eyes would tell a different story, tears running steadily from them.
"I don't believe you. You don't just act like that and say there isn't a problem. Keeping it all bottled up doesn't help. I should know, ive been down that road Chandler, and look where I ended up! Practically in the gutter! I don't want to see that happen to you, so please let me help.
He paused for a second to gather his thoughts before turning to stare at his friend, his tear stained face causing her to inhale and recoil in shock. She had never known him to cry. He was the joker of the gang, always laughing and mocking. He was the one who consoled you, never the one who needed the consoling.
"Chandler sweetie, please talk to me, you're scaring me." Phoebe placed her hand back on his arm, and this time he didn't reject her advance.
"This is hard for me Pheebs, I've never told anyone before what im about to say, not even Joey."
"Hey listen its ok, im not gonna judge you if that's what your scared of?"
"Im not scared of that. Im scared of saying it aloud, because that means its true." He sat back down on the sofa, followed by Phoebe who held his hand tightly in encouragement, giving it little squeezes every now and then.
"Go on honey, im listening."
"When I was a little boy I," His voice cracked as he stopped to compose himself.
"I, I had leukaemia." There, he had said it, he had finally let his secret out and the relief was like a weight being lifted from his shoulders.
"What! Why did you never tell us? We could have supported you." Phoebe wanted to hug him and not let go, but she knew he had a lot more talking to do.
"I wanted to put it at the back of my mind and never have think about it again, and discussing it was the last thing I wanted."
"Is that why your afraid to have kids? Because you think they will get it too?"
"No, leukaemia isn't hereditary. The reason im frightened of having a kid is because I know I will never have one. I'm infertile Pheebs. The radiation before my bone marrow transplant has made me sterile." He dipped his head in sadness. It sounded realer when he said it out loud.
"Oh my God, im so so sorry Chandler. Ive been going on and on at you about babies, all this time. How could I have been so stupid?"
"Pheebs, you didn't know so don't cut yourself up about it. Its not your fault or your problem."
"But it is my problem Chandler, you cant just tell me something like that and not expect me to want to understand it. Do you think I can just get up from here now and walk out the door and say oh ok you had leukaemia, you're infertile, buhbye. For the last time, talk to me!" Phoebe understood how frustrating and upsetting this was for him to speak about, but at the same time knew she had to get it out of him, for the sake of his own sanity.
Chandler gave a sigh of defeat and began to let it all out.
"When I was 5 I started to feel I'll. I lost all interest in playing with my toys, didn't want to run around playing chase with the nanny, all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. No one seemed to notice the change in me, they all took it for granted I was just bored, or tired out. But then I started to take a fever, my bones ached and lost a lot of weight. My nanny took me to the doctor, thinking I had flu, or was getting mono. But after a load of testing the realised it was a lot more serious than they first thought. I had cancer. All I can really remember is crying to go home and some nurse dragging me by the hand into a hospital ward. I was all alone and all I wanted in the world was for my mum to come in and give me a cuddle and tell me it was all going to be ok, but she was off on some book tour and couldn't cancel apparently. And my dad, well, he was too busy with the pool boy to care." Chandler welcomed Phoebe's warm embrace as he cried and poured out all pent up emotions.
"They said I was a chronic case, which meant it was slow growing cancer, but they still needed to get me a bone marrow transplant as soon as possible, in case it turned acute. They tested the whole family, even the staff, but no one was a match. I had to wait 3 months on a donor to be found, and in the mean time I had to have radiation to fight off the leukaemia. It's the radiation that's made me sterile."
Phoebe could feel his shoulders rise and fall as his sobs grew in intensity.
"You should have told us soon sweetie, we all would have understood." She felt him nod on her chest.
"Are you better now?" She asked cautiously, afraid there were more secrets about to pour out.
"Im fine. I have been since I was 10. That's when I got the all clear. They tested me every year for 5 years after my transplant until they could be sure I was out of danger."
"Chandler. You know you have to tell Monica?"
"Tell Monica what?" Monica closed the door behind her and sat a brown paper bag down the dining table.
Both Chandler and Phoebe jumped up from their embrace, making things look slightly suspicious.
"Monica!" Both screamed out in stereo.
"What's going on?" Monica looked at her boyfriend and her best friends seated on the couch, looking rather cosy, both of them with tears lining their faces.
"I had better go," Phoebe lifted her daughter up carefully and headed for the door, only turning back to take one last look at her friends and give Chandler a nod to let him know things would be ok if he told the truth.
As she closed the door behind her she let out a sigh of relief. She was glad she was out of there. It had been such a long day, what with Joey leaving, her new course, Chandler's confession and now Lily's teething, which was bound to keep her up all night.
She put her now very much asleep daughter to bed and removed her books from her bag, wanting to settle down for the night on the sofa and go over what she had learned in class, in preparation for her work experience on Monday.
Her rest was short lived as the Phone by her side began to ring. She positioned her textbook on the spare seat beside her and leaned over to pick up.
"Hello?" There was silence.
"Hello? Can I help you?" She listened intently for any sign of life on the other end, but no sound came. She replaced the receiver back and lifted her book back up.
"Must have been a wrong number?"
She was mid sentence when the phone resumed its ringing.
"I can't get a minutes peace!" She reached over again and lifted the phone to her ear and spoke in a tone that that showed she was not amused.
"Hello?" The silence that was there before was now replaced by the distinct noise of a person breathing heavily into the receiver.
"This isn't funny. Who is this?" There was still no answer as the breathing got louder and clearer.
She slammed the phone down, feeling her hand shake as she did so. Her annoyance was gone now, and was replaced by fear.
As she sat in silence mulling over what had just happened the quietness was once again broken by the now familiar tone from the telephone.
"WHAT!" She screamed as she answered for the third time in a matter of seconds.
"Pheebs? Its Joey."
"Oh thank God its you, did you just call a minute ago?" Phoebe felt relief wash over her.
"Pheebs, it's a bad line, I can't hear you all that well. Let me change ears." Phoebe waited on him talking again as he swapped sides.
"That's better I think. Who where you on the phone to a moment ago? I tried to get through a couple of times but I just kept getting an engaged tone."
Phoebe felt the hairs on her arms stand up. It wasn't Joey trying to get through before after all. Not wanting to alarm him she thought it best to lie. There was no need to worry him, was there?
"Eh, it was Rachel," She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. She could hardly say it was Monica; after all she was just across the hall.
"Yeah, Rachel, to say she got to Paris safely!"
"Jeez I hope they did get to Paris safely," She thought to herself as she waited on Joey answering her.
"Oh, cool! How are they? Are they having a good time?"
"Eh, yeah, so, how are you? Have you started filming yet? What's LA like? Is it warm? Are you eating right?"
He laughed at her enthusiasm.
"Hey, slow down, one question at a time."
"Sorry sweetie, im just excited for you," Phoebe apologised.
"I've just arrived at the hotel. The flight was delayed taking off and then there was some mix up at baggage, but that's all sorted now. I don't have to be on the set for a few days, so I get to lay at the pool and go over my script while I tan!"
"Ah, then that answers my question about the weather," They both laughed and stopped, realising they were having fun, but they were still very much apart.
"I miss ya Pheebs,"
"Hey I miss you too, but look on the bright side, that's one day gone already, only another 89 to go." Her heart sunk as she realised just how long he was going to be away for. 3 Months sounded short, but 89 days was an age away.
"Yeah, it will fly in," Joey sounded just as dejected as she did.
"Pheebs, my moneys running out and I don't have any more change. I lov," Phoebe heard the click and then the dead line cut in.
"I love you too," she whispered into the empty receiver before sitting it back down.
She sunk back into the chair with a smile sad happiness on her face. The sound of Joey's voice had been enough to brighten up her whole night. That was until she heard a scratching at her door. It sounded like an animal trying to claw its way in.
She stood from the sofa and walked towards it. Cautiously she pulled at the handle, opening the door slowly until she could see a figure before her.
"OH MY GOD!"
Disclaimer: I don't own anything t do with friends.
I think there's something wrong with ff.net. Other characters replace all quotation marks, so im trying to reload this chapter to see if it solves the problem. If it doesn't I apologise, and if it does ignore this lol Mwah xxxx
~*~
"Alright Pheebs? How was school tonight? Have fun?" Chandler turned barely to face Phoebe from the couch, as he bounced her daughter on his knee, trying unsuccessfully to calm her painful sounding sobs.
"It was great! My tutor has helped me to change courses and I had my first new class tonight and I absolutely love it! I am so excited, they are sending me on a work placement to Beth Israel on Monday for a week to give me a taste of what its like to work on a hospital ward and," Phoebe cut short her incessant chatter after finally seeing Lily in distress.
"What's wrong with her? Is she ok Chandler?" She ran hurriedly to Chandler's side to get a closer look for herself.
"Yeah, don't worry hun, we think it's just that she's teething. Mon's gone down to the 24-hour chemist on Bleeker to see if she can pick up some kind of ointment to help ease the pain. We can't have our precious little girl hurting, can we?" He stroked her dark hair gently in sympathy. Seeing her in such pain was frustrating for him because he couldn't do anything to make it better and go away.
Lily rested her head down on Chandler's chest, her body finding comfort in his peaceful swaying. Her tears soaked through onto his clean shirt as her chubby little arms curled over his body, and her eyes blinked back sleep, desperately fighting it off. It was clear Chandler was doing something right to soothe her, despite the agony she was in.
"Your such a natural, look at the way you have pacified her!" Phoebe couldn't help but beam. Chandler was so good with kids, but he never let himself believe it. He always seemed to cut her off whenever she tried to throw any kind of admiration his way where her daughter was concerned. "No Confidence? Or maybe its commitment issues? That must be what his problem is?" She wondered to herself as she watched Chandler squirm uncomfortably around in his seat.
"Nah," He tried to shrug it off, but Phoebe wouldn't let up.
"Stop that! Ok I know you have "issues", but when someone, especially me, praises you, accept it! I don't say it to butter you up, I say I because I mean it. Deep down you must know you are great with babies? You must know you and Monica are going to make wonderful parents?
"Do I?" Chandler looked around him for a place to run to, but he knew he was trapped where he was, next to Phoebe and her relentless unknowing rambling.
"I can't wait for you and Mon to have kids, then Lily will have a playmate! Oh my God can you imagine how cute your babies are going to be?"
"YES PHOEBE I DO! I IMAGINE EVERY SINGLE GOD-DAMN DAY!" Chandler jumped from his seat beside her and practically threw Lily back into her mother's arms as he paced the floor before her, running his hands erratically through his hair, urgently trying to get his mind straight. He had snapped, gone to far, said too much.
Phoebe stood calmly and placed a near-asleep Lily back in her travel cot.
"Chandler?" She brushed her hand over his shoulder to get him to turn around but he harshly shrugged her away. Not one to let things go she tried again.
"Chandler, talk to me. What just happened then?"
"Nothing, ok? Nothing!" He kept his back to Phoebe, for fear his eyes would tell a different story, tears running steadily from them.
"I don't believe you. You don't just act like that and say there isn't a problem. Keeping it all bottled up doesn't help. I should know, ive been down that road Chandler, and look where I ended up! Practically in the gutter! I don't want to see that happen to you, so please let me help.
He paused for a second to gather his thoughts before turning to stare at his friend, his tear stained face causing her to inhale and recoil in shock. She had never known him to cry. He was the joker of the gang, always laughing and mocking. He was the one who consoled you, never the one who needed the consoling.
"Chandler sweetie, please talk to me, you're scaring me." Phoebe placed her hand back on his arm, and this time he didn't reject her advance.
"This is hard for me Pheebs, I've never told anyone before what im about to say, not even Joey."
"Hey listen its ok, im not gonna judge you if that's what your scared of?"
"Im not scared of that. Im scared of saying it aloud, because that means its true." He sat back down on the sofa, followed by Phoebe who held his hand tightly in encouragement, giving it little squeezes every now and then.
"Go on honey, im listening."
"When I was a little boy I," His voice cracked as he stopped to compose himself.
"I, I had leukaemia." There, he had said it, he had finally let his secret out and the relief was like a weight being lifted from his shoulders.
"What! Why did you never tell us? We could have supported you." Phoebe wanted to hug him and not let go, but she knew he had a lot more talking to do.
"I wanted to put it at the back of my mind and never have think about it again, and discussing it was the last thing I wanted."
"Is that why your afraid to have kids? Because you think they will get it too?"
"No, leukaemia isn't hereditary. The reason im frightened of having a kid is because I know I will never have one. I'm infertile Pheebs. The radiation before my bone marrow transplant has made me sterile." He dipped his head in sadness. It sounded realer when he said it out loud.
"Oh my God, im so so sorry Chandler. Ive been going on and on at you about babies, all this time. How could I have been so stupid?"
"Pheebs, you didn't know so don't cut yourself up about it. Its not your fault or your problem."
"But it is my problem Chandler, you cant just tell me something like that and not expect me to want to understand it. Do you think I can just get up from here now and walk out the door and say oh ok you had leukaemia, you're infertile, buhbye. For the last time, talk to me!" Phoebe understood how frustrating and upsetting this was for him to speak about, but at the same time knew she had to get it out of him, for the sake of his own sanity.
Chandler gave a sigh of defeat and began to let it all out.
"When I was 5 I started to feel I'll. I lost all interest in playing with my toys, didn't want to run around playing chase with the nanny, all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. No one seemed to notice the change in me, they all took it for granted I was just bored, or tired out. But then I started to take a fever, my bones ached and lost a lot of weight. My nanny took me to the doctor, thinking I had flu, or was getting mono. But after a load of testing the realised it was a lot more serious than they first thought. I had cancer. All I can really remember is crying to go home and some nurse dragging me by the hand into a hospital ward. I was all alone and all I wanted in the world was for my mum to come in and give me a cuddle and tell me it was all going to be ok, but she was off on some book tour and couldn't cancel apparently. And my dad, well, he was too busy with the pool boy to care." Chandler welcomed Phoebe's warm embrace as he cried and poured out all pent up emotions.
"They said I was a chronic case, which meant it was slow growing cancer, but they still needed to get me a bone marrow transplant as soon as possible, in case it turned acute. They tested the whole family, even the staff, but no one was a match. I had to wait 3 months on a donor to be found, and in the mean time I had to have radiation to fight off the leukaemia. It's the radiation that's made me sterile."
Phoebe could feel his shoulders rise and fall as his sobs grew in intensity.
"You should have told us soon sweetie, we all would have understood." She felt him nod on her chest.
"Are you better now?" She asked cautiously, afraid there were more secrets about to pour out.
"Im fine. I have been since I was 10. That's when I got the all clear. They tested me every year for 5 years after my transplant until they could be sure I was out of danger."
"Chandler. You know you have to tell Monica?"
"Tell Monica what?" Monica closed the door behind her and sat a brown paper bag down the dining table.
Both Chandler and Phoebe jumped up from their embrace, making things look slightly suspicious.
"Monica!" Both screamed out in stereo.
"What's going on?" Monica looked at her boyfriend and her best friends seated on the couch, looking rather cosy, both of them with tears lining their faces.
"I had better go," Phoebe lifted her daughter up carefully and headed for the door, only turning back to take one last look at her friends and give Chandler a nod to let him know things would be ok if he told the truth.
As she closed the door behind her she let out a sigh of relief. She was glad she was out of there. It had been such a long day, what with Joey leaving, her new course, Chandler's confession and now Lily's teething, which was bound to keep her up all night.
She put her now very much asleep daughter to bed and removed her books from her bag, wanting to settle down for the night on the sofa and go over what she had learned in class, in preparation for her work experience on Monday.
Her rest was short lived as the Phone by her side began to ring. She positioned her textbook on the spare seat beside her and leaned over to pick up.
"Hello?" There was silence.
"Hello? Can I help you?" She listened intently for any sign of life on the other end, but no sound came. She replaced the receiver back and lifted her book back up.
"Must have been a wrong number?"
She was mid sentence when the phone resumed its ringing.
"I can't get a minutes peace!" She reached over again and lifted the phone to her ear and spoke in a tone that that showed she was not amused.
"Hello?" The silence that was there before was now replaced by the distinct noise of a person breathing heavily into the receiver.
"This isn't funny. Who is this?" There was still no answer as the breathing got louder and clearer.
She slammed the phone down, feeling her hand shake as she did so. Her annoyance was gone now, and was replaced by fear.
As she sat in silence mulling over what had just happened the quietness was once again broken by the now familiar tone from the telephone.
"WHAT!" She screamed as she answered for the third time in a matter of seconds.
"Pheebs? Its Joey."
"Oh thank God its you, did you just call a minute ago?" Phoebe felt relief wash over her.
"Pheebs, it's a bad line, I can't hear you all that well. Let me change ears." Phoebe waited on him talking again as he swapped sides.
"That's better I think. Who where you on the phone to a moment ago? I tried to get through a couple of times but I just kept getting an engaged tone."
Phoebe felt the hairs on her arms stand up. It wasn't Joey trying to get through before after all. Not wanting to alarm him she thought it best to lie. There was no need to worry him, was there?
"Eh, it was Rachel," She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. She could hardly say it was Monica; after all she was just across the hall.
"Yeah, Rachel, to say she got to Paris safely!"
"Jeez I hope they did get to Paris safely," She thought to herself as she waited on Joey answering her.
"Oh, cool! How are they? Are they having a good time?"
"Eh, yeah, so, how are you? Have you started filming yet? What's LA like? Is it warm? Are you eating right?"
He laughed at her enthusiasm.
"Hey, slow down, one question at a time."
"Sorry sweetie, im just excited for you," Phoebe apologised.
"I've just arrived at the hotel. The flight was delayed taking off and then there was some mix up at baggage, but that's all sorted now. I don't have to be on the set for a few days, so I get to lay at the pool and go over my script while I tan!"
"Ah, then that answers my question about the weather," They both laughed and stopped, realising they were having fun, but they were still very much apart.
"I miss ya Pheebs,"
"Hey I miss you too, but look on the bright side, that's one day gone already, only another 89 to go." Her heart sunk as she realised just how long he was going to be away for. 3 Months sounded short, but 89 days was an age away.
"Yeah, it will fly in," Joey sounded just as dejected as she did.
"Pheebs, my moneys running out and I don't have any more change. I lov," Phoebe heard the click and then the dead line cut in.
"I love you too," she whispered into the empty receiver before sitting it back down.
She sunk back into the chair with a smile sad happiness on her face. The sound of Joey's voice had been enough to brighten up her whole night. That was until she heard a scratching at her door. It sounded like an animal trying to claw its way in.
She stood from the sofa and walked towards it. Cautiously she pulled at the handle, opening the door slowly until she could see a figure before her.
"OH MY GOD!"