Chapter 12
Revenge is sweet
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.
AN: Finally another update! :o) This one contains a lot of confusing stuff, so if you haven't read "TOW Chandler's Ancestors" then I suggest it would be in your best interests to do so. If not you can query anything you don't understand with me in a review and ill reply ASAP :o)
Again this chapter is a bit of a transitional one, getting you ready for some action. :o) So go and read and tell me what you think. Mwah. ~*~
Life on the 4th floor of Beth Israel hospital couldn't have been busier due to a sudden and unexpected surge of admissions. Plus to make matters worse there was a shortage of staff, and things had become manic in the maternity ward.
Phoebe stood awe struck in the middle on the corridor as her colleagues rushed around her, from room to room. She knew she was getting in the way, but still she couldn't find the strength within herself to move away. She had never expected such a commotion in what was supposed to be a quiet environment.
"Phoebe dear, could you please check on room 12 for me and see how Mr Malone's contraction's are coming along? I would do it myself but I have to get ready for surgery. Mrs Adams in room 8 needs to have an emergency Caesarean section and I can't be in two places at once." Lillian sped down the hallway without waiting to see if it really was ok with Phoebe, which in her mind it was not. She was now more anxious than she was before. This would be her first solo assignment with no supervision whatsoever. And although Lillian seemed to have all faith in her she herself had none.
"I can't do this alone!" She spoke aloud in the hope someone would hear her, take pity and remove this burden from her, but there was not one spare nurse in sight to assist her let alone relieve her of her duties.
She looked around the abandoned hall that seconds ago had been jumping. She looked lost, like a little girl trying to find her way in a crowd. Her stomach churned in fear as the realisation hit her that she had no more time to stand there and panic. A woman was about to give birth in the next room and she had to assist her, no matter how unconfident she was feeling she had to bite the bullet and have courage, when all she wanted to do was run to the comfort of her home. But her days of running away were behind her. That's what the old Phoebe would have done; the new Phoebe had strength and valour.
She inhaled a deep lungful of air and walked towards room 12 slowly. She chapped the door quietly and peeked her head around to see what sight awaited her. This wasn't the first time she had been in a delivery room, but it sure as hell was her first time alone. Normally she stood in the corner observing the other nurses at work, but now she would be doing the job for herself.
"Mrs Malone?" She gulped audibly and let her whole body enter the room.
Her patient lay in her bed panting loudly, her body clearly in severe agony, as he concerned looking husband clasped tightly onto her hand in support.
"Ah, nurse, im glad you're here! She's in real pain!" The man dropped his wife's hand and ran in Phoebe's direction, desperately pulling her towards the bed.
She jerked slightly in fright as Mrs Malone began to scream out a high- pitched shriek.
"Its ok, just keep doing the breathing you were taught at Lamaze classes" Phoebe tried to keep her own voice steady as she spoke, but inside she was trembling.
"Uh huh," The wife bit onto her bottom lip as she nodded in response to Phoebes instructions, little beads of sweat running down her forehead.
"I'm just going to check how dilated you are, then I'll see about getting a Doctor to administer some drugs, ok?" Phoebe gave her a fake smile of reassurance and went about her duties.
She tried to keep her hands steady as she examined the patient, but that was a tedious task in itself.
"Oh God!" Phoebe muttered quietly to herself as she noted the thing she had been dreading from the moment she had been assigned this task.
She took a minute to herself to wipe her brow of the beads of sweat that had beginning to form.
"Sir, your wife is 10 centimetres dilated, there isn't any time to administer painkillers I'm afraid. She's ready to give birth. Now if you excuse me one moment, I'll be right back." She rushed back out into the hallway and frantically began searching for someone who was medically trained to help her, but the place was just as deserted as before. Every Doctor and nurse on the ward was busy with his or her own patients.
"Lillian?" She listened in hope for an answer but none came.
"Anyone?" Still nothing. The only person she could see was a cleaner, intricately mopping the linoleum flooring.
"Damnit!" She stamped her foot irately on the hard floor and rushed back into the delivery room. There was nothing left to do now but pull herself together and have courage. She just prayed she had studied enough on birthing methods to get her by.
"Ok, Mrs Malone. Its time to have your baby."
~*~
"Look Lily! That's the Empire State Building!" Monica pushed the baby along the Manhattan streets in her pushchair, pointing out the cities landmarks as they past by them, even although she knew Lily was too young to understand what she was telling her, it was keeping herself amused, and her mind off of Chandler. The only problem was it wasn't working in the slightest bit.
It didn't matter what she did he was there; possessing her ever waking thought and now was no different. Everything in the city reminded her of Chandler. Restaurants they ate at, bars they drank in, museums they visited and parks they walked in. Everything held a memory of good times.
She sniffed back her tears of heartache. She had known leaving the apartment would be a bad idea, and this just proved it. This was her first trip out since they had split a little over a week before and now all she wanted to do was go home. So much for the fresh air doing her the world of good like Phoebe had said to her when she had dropped of Lily in the morning. If anything it was having the opposite effect on her.
"Its time to go home baby," She held back even more tears from leaving her eyes as she speed walked down the sidewalk past what seemed like a million tourists having fun on vacation.
Time seemed to flash right by her and before she knew it she was standing across the street from Central Perk, the coffee house where she had spent many a night socialising with her friends and her boyfriend. It was the place that held many of her happiest memories, but somehow now it wasn't the happy place it used to be. Too much water had passed under the bridge every since their trip as 6 friends to London and deep in her heart she knew it would never be the same again.
Her attentions moved from the coffee house as she gazed mournfully over to the entrance of Ross' apartment building, where Chandler was staying while him and Rachel were out of town.
She continued to stare, as though she were catatonic, up at the living room window, which was partially concealed by the corner of her own building, but what she was seeing was enough.
*
A dishevelled and unshaven Chandler was seated at Ross' study desk and looked longingly out of the window and into the apartment he had once called home, and shared with the only woman he had ever truly loved with his whole heart.
Right at that moment he would have given anything to catch just one glimpse of her. To see her long raven coloured hair or her blue eyes that sparkled like the deepest part of the ocean, or her slender fingers, that fitted like a jigsaw with his own when they were entwined together.
He longed to have her back. To be proud once again to call Monica his girlfriend, and maybe even one day make her his wife. But he had known from the start their relationship could never last, not with the secret he had been concealing for over 25 years. But what he did know was the short time he had with her was worth ever minute.
The only problem was he, like any normal person who had had a taste of something sweet; wanted it to last longer, maybe even forever and only time would tell if he would get the second taste he now craved for.
He didn't notice Monica standing on the sidewalk with the little girl he loved more than life itself, staring up at him lie she had seen a ghost. If he had he may have ran down and embraced her with open arms. But it had been him that ended it; it would be him that would have to stay strong. And to do that he would have to move on with someone new or move as far away from New York as was possible.
He knew just which one he would choose.
~*~
Rachel packed away her last items of clothes back into her suitcase and closed over the lid.
For the second time in just under a year she was leaving Paris, alone, depressed and with unfinished business. To make matters worse her relationship with Ross was effectively over, which left her with no doubt that there would be no wedding either.
Yet again she had managed to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to her. She had pushed Ross away so much that when she really needed him to support he had already given up on her, and she couldn't really blame him.
He had found out her dark secret, the one she had tied her best to conceal from him ever since their lips had once again locked in the waiting room of the hospital where their friend lay seriously ill.
She had aborted their baby, and she knew no matter how much she protested to him in the future that it was all an accident he would never listen to her, or any feeble excuse she tried to fob him off with.
It would make no difference now if she told him the whole truth, because she had lied for so long, and there was no going back from that.
Ross was the most honest, respectable person she knew. He would never in a million years have hurt her like she had hurt him today. She had betrayed him in the worst possible way and no amount of explaining would change that.
How could she go home and face him now? And it would just be Ross she would judge by; her friends would never forgive her for this either. She would have no one to turn to, no one to comfort her.
There was only one thing left to do.
~*~
Joey sat in his trailer awaiting his call to be on set, but acting was the last thing on his mind.
His kiss with his co-star, which had gone from on screen to off screen was running through his mind like a whirlwind that was picking up speed.
He had tricked him, telling him she wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone who would be a he star one day. She plied him with enough alcohol to knock out an elephant before throwing herself at him like a lovesick teenager.
He didn't even like her let alone want to make love to her. If he hadn't been with Phoebe she would already have been another notch on his bedpost by now, but he was with Phoebe, and he loved her unlike anything he had ever loved before.
But that kiss was enough to make him writhe in guilt. Although he knew he would never be tempted to take it further it still bothered him that he had betrayed his future wife.
There was no one for him to talk it over with. The only people he spoke to on set were his one time "mistress", who he was now avoiding like the plague, and his director, who clearly hated him and none of his friends back home were reachable. Monica always had her answer phone on, Chandler wouldn't answer his calls, and Ross had his cell switched off.
Even his calls with Phoebe were getting more and more sparse as the time they sent apart grew, and their workloads grew with it. He missed her and their baby daughter so much it hurt and he longed to go back to the city he called home. In Los Angeles he was lonely, but in New York he had a tight knit group of friends who shared every aspect of each other's lives.
He had to go back home as soon as possible, even if contractual obligations prevented him from doing so.
Something niggling at the back of his mind was telling him something was wrong back in the city, and although he didn't believe in the "psychic intuition" Phoebe always used to go on about this feeling was too strong to ignore.
He was going back to Manhattan when the day's filming was over, but would he make it in enough time to save the love of his life?
~*~
"Ok, PUSH!" Phoebe had long forgotten about her inexperience and was putting all her concentration into getting this baby brought into the world.
"You're nearly there, I can see its head, keep pushing"
Cries rang out around the room as her patient gave one last push.
"It's a little girl!" Phoebe held the baby in her arms and wrapped it neatly into a tiny pink blanket. She handed the baby over to its adoring father, and watched proudly as the new parents gushed over their first child.
She wished she had been conscious to witness the birth of her own daughter, but in her eyes this was the next best thing. She had never felt so proud of something in her life. In the short space of an hour she had achieved so much and the feeling it gave her was the biggest rush she could ask for.
Suddenly all the worry seemed worth it, and any doubts she had about joining the nursing profession had left her. She knew she had made the right life choices for once and she just wished she had Joey and her friends around her to share her joy.
"Phoebe?" Lillian came into the room, and gestured for Phoebe to join her outside. Her facial expression was unreadable and suddenly Phoebe felt worried. She had known she wasn't qualified to be doing the job of a doctor or a trained midwife. But surely Lillian couldn't be mad at her, could she? After all she had told her to keep and eye on that room.
"Yes?" Phoebe always found it hard to keep eye contact with someone who was about to lecture her, and now was no different.
"Well done Phoebe, im so proud of you!" Lillian embraced her in her arms and quickly let go. It was hard for her to show her emotions after all that had happened to her in her life, but she felt now was an appropriate time to be showing some kind of affection.
"Huh?" Phoebe hadn't expected the sudden kind words, and it had thrown her slightly.
"You did well in there. Admittedly it was very risky of you to go ahead with the birth all on your own, but under the circumstances I think we can over look that," Lillian gave her a huge smile.
"I think you are going to have a wonderful career after you leave college, and I'd be more than happy to employ you if you ever want a permanent job,"
Phoebe couldn't find a voice to answer. She was too amazed at what was happening to answer her superior back, so she gave a nod instead to show she understood.
"You're a wonderful person Phoebe and I think you'll make a fabulous midwife one day." Both began to walk back to the nurse's station to clear up the hallway that was now bustling with people.
"Thank you, it means a lot to me that you think that." Phoebe felt even more proud of herself than she had done before to hear that this woman whom she admired so much thought she was good at her job.
"You know you remind me so much of my late daughter. Its funny, you even share the same name." Again Lillian smiled at her, but this time it was a sad smile that somehow seemed painted on.
"Late daughter?" Phoebe was intrigued. Lillian had never mentioned her life outside of work before, and now she beginning to open up.
"Yes, I had two daughters. My daughter Phoebe was killed when she was 14," Lillian's eyes began to mist over and she stared into the air dreamily as though she was taking herself back in time.
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Phoebe began to wish she had never pushed the subject. She could see Lillian was getting upset at the mention of her dead daughter.
"It's ok, it was a long time ago. I still miss her though. I just with I could have told her I loved her before." Tears began to pour fm Lillian's eyes as her voice cracked in sorrow.
Phoebe reached over and hugged her mentor. She could never imagine would she would feel if she lost her own child in tragic circumstances. She didn't think she would be able to go on living without Lily in her life.
"I still see her in my mind, her short brown hair and her cheeky grin. She was such a happy child, always smiling and laughing and getting herself into a lot of mischief." Lillian allowed herself to laugh at the memory and Phoebe joined her. She had been the same way as a kid.
"What about your other daughter?" Phoebe couldn't resist asking.
"Oh, we don't talk any more," Lillian seemed to back away slightly at the mention of her second child.
"She disappeared soon after her sister was killed. She was the one who heard about the accident and had to break it to the family. She was never the same afterwards. She retreated into herself, like she felt guilty about it all, responsible almost. I was having a hard time coping. My ex- husband had just been put in prison for, well something I should have been able to stop, I had one daughter, and right under my nose I was pushing my other one away. She never forgave me, and I can't really blame her."
Phoebe listened intently to Lillian, amazed at how similar a life she had had to her own. It was almost like Lillian was reading her back her own life story.
"She called a couple of times to say she was ok, but apart from that we haven't had any contact in 18 years," Lillian was unable to continue. It was all too much for her to think about. This had been the first time she had ever spoken about it at great lengths. Even her new husband, whom she had only just married didn't know the full story.
"Lillian, I know its no consolation, but I know how you feel. My mother killed herself when I wasn't there and I had to hear it from my sister 4 years after it happened. I wish I had been there too, maybe I could have prevented it, but I know there was nothing I could have done. I still love her in my heart and that will never go away. The memories will always still be there."
Lillian stopped crying for a moment and looked Phoebe directly in the eye.
"Your mother would have been proud of you too."
No more words were needed. Lillian had cleared her chest, and Phoebe also felt like a sudden blockage that she had held in her heart for 18 years had cleared too. She had finally found someone who understood how she had felt all these years and that was consolation in itself.
~*~
The midday sun beat down on top of him as he trudged his way along the bustling Parisian sidewalk on his way to collect the remnants of Phoebe's belongings from the apartment she had hidden herself in for all those months that she was missing. Normally the soaring heat would have floored him, but right now he wasn't even noticing its intensity. There was far too much else on his mind.
He really didn't want to be still in France. The further away he was from "her!" right now the better, but they a made a promise to Phoebe, and unlike "her!" he didn't let his friends down by breaking his word.
He came to his final destination before he was due at the airport and began to search in his pant's pocket for the keys.
He puffed and panted all the way to the top floor and came to a standstill at the front door while he figured out which key would unlock it.
He tried each key in ever keyhole, but nothings was making the door budge. It was as though there was a set of keys already in the top keyhole, blocking him from entering.
Impatiently he banged his fist powerfully into the middle of the door and swung himself around, his back hitting the door even more forcefully that his hand had done seconds before.
Before he could get a chance to walk away a familiar voice rang out behind him.
"Can I help you?" He stood motionless, trying to work out how he knew that voice. He spun around and the shock that met him was enough to make him gasp.
"Emily?"
~*~
Revenge is sweet
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with friends.
AN: Finally another update! :o) This one contains a lot of confusing stuff, so if you haven't read "TOW Chandler's Ancestors" then I suggest it would be in your best interests to do so. If not you can query anything you don't understand with me in a review and ill reply ASAP :o)
Again this chapter is a bit of a transitional one, getting you ready for some action. :o) So go and read and tell me what you think. Mwah. ~*~
Life on the 4th floor of Beth Israel hospital couldn't have been busier due to a sudden and unexpected surge of admissions. Plus to make matters worse there was a shortage of staff, and things had become manic in the maternity ward.
Phoebe stood awe struck in the middle on the corridor as her colleagues rushed around her, from room to room. She knew she was getting in the way, but still she couldn't find the strength within herself to move away. She had never expected such a commotion in what was supposed to be a quiet environment.
"Phoebe dear, could you please check on room 12 for me and see how Mr Malone's contraction's are coming along? I would do it myself but I have to get ready for surgery. Mrs Adams in room 8 needs to have an emergency Caesarean section and I can't be in two places at once." Lillian sped down the hallway without waiting to see if it really was ok with Phoebe, which in her mind it was not. She was now more anxious than she was before. This would be her first solo assignment with no supervision whatsoever. And although Lillian seemed to have all faith in her she herself had none.
"I can't do this alone!" She spoke aloud in the hope someone would hear her, take pity and remove this burden from her, but there was not one spare nurse in sight to assist her let alone relieve her of her duties.
She looked around the abandoned hall that seconds ago had been jumping. She looked lost, like a little girl trying to find her way in a crowd. Her stomach churned in fear as the realisation hit her that she had no more time to stand there and panic. A woman was about to give birth in the next room and she had to assist her, no matter how unconfident she was feeling she had to bite the bullet and have courage, when all she wanted to do was run to the comfort of her home. But her days of running away were behind her. That's what the old Phoebe would have done; the new Phoebe had strength and valour.
She inhaled a deep lungful of air and walked towards room 12 slowly. She chapped the door quietly and peeked her head around to see what sight awaited her. This wasn't the first time she had been in a delivery room, but it sure as hell was her first time alone. Normally she stood in the corner observing the other nurses at work, but now she would be doing the job for herself.
"Mrs Malone?" She gulped audibly and let her whole body enter the room.
Her patient lay in her bed panting loudly, her body clearly in severe agony, as he concerned looking husband clasped tightly onto her hand in support.
"Ah, nurse, im glad you're here! She's in real pain!" The man dropped his wife's hand and ran in Phoebe's direction, desperately pulling her towards the bed.
She jerked slightly in fright as Mrs Malone began to scream out a high- pitched shriek.
"Its ok, just keep doing the breathing you were taught at Lamaze classes" Phoebe tried to keep her own voice steady as she spoke, but inside she was trembling.
"Uh huh," The wife bit onto her bottom lip as she nodded in response to Phoebes instructions, little beads of sweat running down her forehead.
"I'm just going to check how dilated you are, then I'll see about getting a Doctor to administer some drugs, ok?" Phoebe gave her a fake smile of reassurance and went about her duties.
She tried to keep her hands steady as she examined the patient, but that was a tedious task in itself.
"Oh God!" Phoebe muttered quietly to herself as she noted the thing she had been dreading from the moment she had been assigned this task.
She took a minute to herself to wipe her brow of the beads of sweat that had beginning to form.
"Sir, your wife is 10 centimetres dilated, there isn't any time to administer painkillers I'm afraid. She's ready to give birth. Now if you excuse me one moment, I'll be right back." She rushed back out into the hallway and frantically began searching for someone who was medically trained to help her, but the place was just as deserted as before. Every Doctor and nurse on the ward was busy with his or her own patients.
"Lillian?" She listened in hope for an answer but none came.
"Anyone?" Still nothing. The only person she could see was a cleaner, intricately mopping the linoleum flooring.
"Damnit!" She stamped her foot irately on the hard floor and rushed back into the delivery room. There was nothing left to do now but pull herself together and have courage. She just prayed she had studied enough on birthing methods to get her by.
"Ok, Mrs Malone. Its time to have your baby."
~*~
"Look Lily! That's the Empire State Building!" Monica pushed the baby along the Manhattan streets in her pushchair, pointing out the cities landmarks as they past by them, even although she knew Lily was too young to understand what she was telling her, it was keeping herself amused, and her mind off of Chandler. The only problem was it wasn't working in the slightest bit.
It didn't matter what she did he was there; possessing her ever waking thought and now was no different. Everything in the city reminded her of Chandler. Restaurants they ate at, bars they drank in, museums they visited and parks they walked in. Everything held a memory of good times.
She sniffed back her tears of heartache. She had known leaving the apartment would be a bad idea, and this just proved it. This was her first trip out since they had split a little over a week before and now all she wanted to do was go home. So much for the fresh air doing her the world of good like Phoebe had said to her when she had dropped of Lily in the morning. If anything it was having the opposite effect on her.
"Its time to go home baby," She held back even more tears from leaving her eyes as she speed walked down the sidewalk past what seemed like a million tourists having fun on vacation.
Time seemed to flash right by her and before she knew it she was standing across the street from Central Perk, the coffee house where she had spent many a night socialising with her friends and her boyfriend. It was the place that held many of her happiest memories, but somehow now it wasn't the happy place it used to be. Too much water had passed under the bridge every since their trip as 6 friends to London and deep in her heart she knew it would never be the same again.
Her attentions moved from the coffee house as she gazed mournfully over to the entrance of Ross' apartment building, where Chandler was staying while him and Rachel were out of town.
She continued to stare, as though she were catatonic, up at the living room window, which was partially concealed by the corner of her own building, but what she was seeing was enough.
*
A dishevelled and unshaven Chandler was seated at Ross' study desk and looked longingly out of the window and into the apartment he had once called home, and shared with the only woman he had ever truly loved with his whole heart.
Right at that moment he would have given anything to catch just one glimpse of her. To see her long raven coloured hair or her blue eyes that sparkled like the deepest part of the ocean, or her slender fingers, that fitted like a jigsaw with his own when they were entwined together.
He longed to have her back. To be proud once again to call Monica his girlfriend, and maybe even one day make her his wife. But he had known from the start their relationship could never last, not with the secret he had been concealing for over 25 years. But what he did know was the short time he had with her was worth ever minute.
The only problem was he, like any normal person who had had a taste of something sweet; wanted it to last longer, maybe even forever and only time would tell if he would get the second taste he now craved for.
He didn't notice Monica standing on the sidewalk with the little girl he loved more than life itself, staring up at him lie she had seen a ghost. If he had he may have ran down and embraced her with open arms. But it had been him that ended it; it would be him that would have to stay strong. And to do that he would have to move on with someone new or move as far away from New York as was possible.
He knew just which one he would choose.
~*~
Rachel packed away her last items of clothes back into her suitcase and closed over the lid.
For the second time in just under a year she was leaving Paris, alone, depressed and with unfinished business. To make matters worse her relationship with Ross was effectively over, which left her with no doubt that there would be no wedding either.
Yet again she had managed to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to her. She had pushed Ross away so much that when she really needed him to support he had already given up on her, and she couldn't really blame him.
He had found out her dark secret, the one she had tied her best to conceal from him ever since their lips had once again locked in the waiting room of the hospital where their friend lay seriously ill.
She had aborted their baby, and she knew no matter how much she protested to him in the future that it was all an accident he would never listen to her, or any feeble excuse she tried to fob him off with.
It would make no difference now if she told him the whole truth, because she had lied for so long, and there was no going back from that.
Ross was the most honest, respectable person she knew. He would never in a million years have hurt her like she had hurt him today. She had betrayed him in the worst possible way and no amount of explaining would change that.
How could she go home and face him now? And it would just be Ross she would judge by; her friends would never forgive her for this either. She would have no one to turn to, no one to comfort her.
There was only one thing left to do.
~*~
Joey sat in his trailer awaiting his call to be on set, but acting was the last thing on his mind.
His kiss with his co-star, which had gone from on screen to off screen was running through his mind like a whirlwind that was picking up speed.
He had tricked him, telling him she wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone who would be a he star one day. She plied him with enough alcohol to knock out an elephant before throwing herself at him like a lovesick teenager.
He didn't even like her let alone want to make love to her. If he hadn't been with Phoebe she would already have been another notch on his bedpost by now, but he was with Phoebe, and he loved her unlike anything he had ever loved before.
But that kiss was enough to make him writhe in guilt. Although he knew he would never be tempted to take it further it still bothered him that he had betrayed his future wife.
There was no one for him to talk it over with. The only people he spoke to on set were his one time "mistress", who he was now avoiding like the plague, and his director, who clearly hated him and none of his friends back home were reachable. Monica always had her answer phone on, Chandler wouldn't answer his calls, and Ross had his cell switched off.
Even his calls with Phoebe were getting more and more sparse as the time they sent apart grew, and their workloads grew with it. He missed her and their baby daughter so much it hurt and he longed to go back to the city he called home. In Los Angeles he was lonely, but in New York he had a tight knit group of friends who shared every aspect of each other's lives.
He had to go back home as soon as possible, even if contractual obligations prevented him from doing so.
Something niggling at the back of his mind was telling him something was wrong back in the city, and although he didn't believe in the "psychic intuition" Phoebe always used to go on about this feeling was too strong to ignore.
He was going back to Manhattan when the day's filming was over, but would he make it in enough time to save the love of his life?
~*~
"Ok, PUSH!" Phoebe had long forgotten about her inexperience and was putting all her concentration into getting this baby brought into the world.
"You're nearly there, I can see its head, keep pushing"
Cries rang out around the room as her patient gave one last push.
"It's a little girl!" Phoebe held the baby in her arms and wrapped it neatly into a tiny pink blanket. She handed the baby over to its adoring father, and watched proudly as the new parents gushed over their first child.
She wished she had been conscious to witness the birth of her own daughter, but in her eyes this was the next best thing. She had never felt so proud of something in her life. In the short space of an hour she had achieved so much and the feeling it gave her was the biggest rush she could ask for.
Suddenly all the worry seemed worth it, and any doubts she had about joining the nursing profession had left her. She knew she had made the right life choices for once and she just wished she had Joey and her friends around her to share her joy.
"Phoebe?" Lillian came into the room, and gestured for Phoebe to join her outside. Her facial expression was unreadable and suddenly Phoebe felt worried. She had known she wasn't qualified to be doing the job of a doctor or a trained midwife. But surely Lillian couldn't be mad at her, could she? After all she had told her to keep and eye on that room.
"Yes?" Phoebe always found it hard to keep eye contact with someone who was about to lecture her, and now was no different.
"Well done Phoebe, im so proud of you!" Lillian embraced her in her arms and quickly let go. It was hard for her to show her emotions after all that had happened to her in her life, but she felt now was an appropriate time to be showing some kind of affection.
"Huh?" Phoebe hadn't expected the sudden kind words, and it had thrown her slightly.
"You did well in there. Admittedly it was very risky of you to go ahead with the birth all on your own, but under the circumstances I think we can over look that," Lillian gave her a huge smile.
"I think you are going to have a wonderful career after you leave college, and I'd be more than happy to employ you if you ever want a permanent job,"
Phoebe couldn't find a voice to answer. She was too amazed at what was happening to answer her superior back, so she gave a nod instead to show she understood.
"You're a wonderful person Phoebe and I think you'll make a fabulous midwife one day." Both began to walk back to the nurse's station to clear up the hallway that was now bustling with people.
"Thank you, it means a lot to me that you think that." Phoebe felt even more proud of herself than she had done before to hear that this woman whom she admired so much thought she was good at her job.
"You know you remind me so much of my late daughter. Its funny, you even share the same name." Again Lillian smiled at her, but this time it was a sad smile that somehow seemed painted on.
"Late daughter?" Phoebe was intrigued. Lillian had never mentioned her life outside of work before, and now she beginning to open up.
"Yes, I had two daughters. My daughter Phoebe was killed when she was 14," Lillian's eyes began to mist over and she stared into the air dreamily as though she was taking herself back in time.
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Phoebe began to wish she had never pushed the subject. She could see Lillian was getting upset at the mention of her dead daughter.
"It's ok, it was a long time ago. I still miss her though. I just with I could have told her I loved her before." Tears began to pour fm Lillian's eyes as her voice cracked in sorrow.
Phoebe reached over and hugged her mentor. She could never imagine would she would feel if she lost her own child in tragic circumstances. She didn't think she would be able to go on living without Lily in her life.
"I still see her in my mind, her short brown hair and her cheeky grin. She was such a happy child, always smiling and laughing and getting herself into a lot of mischief." Lillian allowed herself to laugh at the memory and Phoebe joined her. She had been the same way as a kid.
"What about your other daughter?" Phoebe couldn't resist asking.
"Oh, we don't talk any more," Lillian seemed to back away slightly at the mention of her second child.
"She disappeared soon after her sister was killed. She was the one who heard about the accident and had to break it to the family. She was never the same afterwards. She retreated into herself, like she felt guilty about it all, responsible almost. I was having a hard time coping. My ex- husband had just been put in prison for, well something I should have been able to stop, I had one daughter, and right under my nose I was pushing my other one away. She never forgave me, and I can't really blame her."
Phoebe listened intently to Lillian, amazed at how similar a life she had had to her own. It was almost like Lillian was reading her back her own life story.
"She called a couple of times to say she was ok, but apart from that we haven't had any contact in 18 years," Lillian was unable to continue. It was all too much for her to think about. This had been the first time she had ever spoken about it at great lengths. Even her new husband, whom she had only just married didn't know the full story.
"Lillian, I know its no consolation, but I know how you feel. My mother killed herself when I wasn't there and I had to hear it from my sister 4 years after it happened. I wish I had been there too, maybe I could have prevented it, but I know there was nothing I could have done. I still love her in my heart and that will never go away. The memories will always still be there."
Lillian stopped crying for a moment and looked Phoebe directly in the eye.
"Your mother would have been proud of you too."
No more words were needed. Lillian had cleared her chest, and Phoebe also felt like a sudden blockage that she had held in her heart for 18 years had cleared too. She had finally found someone who understood how she had felt all these years and that was consolation in itself.
~*~
The midday sun beat down on top of him as he trudged his way along the bustling Parisian sidewalk on his way to collect the remnants of Phoebe's belongings from the apartment she had hidden herself in for all those months that she was missing. Normally the soaring heat would have floored him, but right now he wasn't even noticing its intensity. There was far too much else on his mind.
He really didn't want to be still in France. The further away he was from "her!" right now the better, but they a made a promise to Phoebe, and unlike "her!" he didn't let his friends down by breaking his word.
He came to his final destination before he was due at the airport and began to search in his pant's pocket for the keys.
He puffed and panted all the way to the top floor and came to a standstill at the front door while he figured out which key would unlock it.
He tried each key in ever keyhole, but nothings was making the door budge. It was as though there was a set of keys already in the top keyhole, blocking him from entering.
Impatiently he banged his fist powerfully into the middle of the door and swung himself around, his back hitting the door even more forcefully that his hand had done seconds before.
Before he could get a chance to walk away a familiar voice rang out behind him.
"Can I help you?" He stood motionless, trying to work out how he knew that voice. He spun around and the shock that met him was enough to make him gasp.
"Emily?"
~*~