Within Holy Walls

By Tenshi no Ai

(C) Square Enix

Thirteen: Admission (-express your mind-)

-0-

"Over...tighten...loop, loop, under...tighten...there," I smile as I put up my hair in a ponytail with a sky-blue ribbon. Shaking my head, I can feel the feathery brush of my hair against my back and shoulders. That tickles...

My hands run down the front of my sky-blue dress, sleeveless and reaching down to my shins for this June day. Underneath the dress I have poofy dark-blue pants that tie off at the ankle, which I don't need because I'll be sitting down all day, but they're comfortable and fun to walk around in. That and they puff out my dress, making my lower half look like a floating, miscolored cloud.

It's amusing to me. Since I'll be translating all day today, I'll need a lot more amusement than looking up into the skylight and hurting my neck.

I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for my job. Maybe if I repeat that enough, I can finish the translation today...

After putting on my favorite black boots I walk out of my room, carefully closing the door behind me before I turn in the direction of the library--

--shooph...shooph...shooph--

That sounds like something heavy is being dragged along the stone floor...behind me? I turn around and watch as Peppermint drags a suitcase--I want to say it's made out of cherry wood, but I'm not sure--completely out of her room and plops down on it.

Is she traveling somewhere? I don't recall her telling me about a trip of any sort...

"Good morning, Peppermint!" I call out, walking up to her. Verden is always so kind about when I can come in and leave, so I'm sure he won't mind if I'm a little late.

She looks up at me, startled for a moment before her lips curve in that easy smile of hers. "Hey Reis, you look like a pear."

I like pears. "Thank you." I smile and she smiles and something isn't right about all this smiling. "What are you doing with that suitcase?"

"Oh, you know, moving," she shrugs casually. I nod.

"Into a bigger room?" I don't even know if there are such things as 'bigger rooms' here, but Peppermint's been here for a long time so maybe it's based on seniority?

"Ah...sort of." Her smile wavers. Her auburn hair is in her face. This is the first time I've ever seen her head uncovered. Oh, she's wearing a wine-red sleeveless dress with a short-sleeved white shirt underneath, not her regulated robe.

Wait...why not?

I frown slightly. She always wears that robe, it seems to be required for all white mages. "Peppermint, why aren't you in your white mage's robe?"

"Oh, that's an easy question." Now that I think about it, maybe she already packed it away...simple things like that never occur to me. "See, I'm no longer a white mage."

...I guess that's a simple answer, too.

Thoroughly confused now, I crouch down so that I'm closer in height with her. "You were one yesterday." I look at her expectantly and she nods, her face still bearing that little smile of hers. "So what makes today any different?"

Her smile widens. "Got caught."

Caught? That answer branches off into five other questions, so my mind decides to stick with the easiest one. "What?"

"Well..." She leans forward, her dark eyes on mine. "My boyfriend and I were leaving my room when Priest Buremonda happened to be walking by." Giggling slightly, she looks off to the side at the inner wall of the church. "Four months' luck ran out...oh well."

Wait, wait, I'm still not understanding this. "'Four months' luck'...?"

Running her hands through her short hair, she looks at me, that omnipresent little spark in her eyes suddenly fading fast. "Since Priest Buremonda established his little rule, yes. But Takeo and I have been together for almost two years now."

Takeo...? That sounds foreign. Foreign...yesterday, the knight with Chiroseau...he was from the Eastern Lands. That knight is Peppermint's boyfriend...I see...

"That's a very long time," I offer, unsure of what exactly to say.

"Yes." She closes her eyes. "We were planning on getting married this year, but then Examiner Draclau left that priest in charge..." Her voice takes on a harder tone at her last words. "But it's fine now. Now we can leave and get married, start a new life...doesn't that sound nice, Reis?"

I...I guess. I haven't thought about getting married in years. "It sounds completely different from being a white mage. Is that really alright with you?"

"It's not my choice," she whispers, lowering her forehead to her knees, "but I 'disobeyed the rules', so now I'm stripped of everything and being tossed out of town..." She raises her head and stares at me. "Since when is being in love 'disobeying' God's rules? Saint Ajora's rules? Is it offending anyone to know that I can love?"

--I love you--

"I-it shouldn't." My voice is weak, but I try to stumble along anyway. "Having the capacity to love...isn't that one of God's gifts bestowed to his children?"

That's what Mama always said, anyway...

"'Children'?" Peppermint sounds confused, "God only had a child, Saint Ajora Glabados."

...Oh. Right. And him too. "...I mean, to all people." Of course. "You...you can't fight this at all?"

She sighs and looks down at the stone floor between our bodies. "I think that four years is enough time for running away."

...Hm? "From where?"

"From Fovoham..." she trails off, then glances up at me. "From Riovanes castle."

The castle itself, or the town around it? "Please tell me, I'd like to hear."

Shrugging slightly, she looks down at the floor again. "Sure, but don't you have work?"

"Yes." I make myself more comfortable on the ground, eventually sitting cross-legged in front of Peppermint. "Please go on."

"Sure." She takes a deep breath. "See, I'm from this little settlement in the Fovoham Plains called Najak. It was where all the survivors of the Romandan invasion joined up. It was a nice life."

Is she implying that she lived through the Romandan invasion? That would mean that she's probably only a bit older than myself. "Excuse me, but...you survived the invasion?"

She looks blankly at me for a second, then nods. "I was only a couple months old when it happened."

"Oh..." I look at the wall. That would make her around twenty-three years old.

I can't believe how recent that sounds...

"Now, where was I...ah, right. A lot of the war was being fought in Fovoham in those days because of the failed siege of Ordalia, so our side got pushed back and the Ordalians took over Limberry and Zeltennia." With dark brown eyes shimmering faintly, she smoothes out her dress over her legs. "It wasn't safe in Fovoham, but before my family could leave, the settlement got destroyed in a battle between our troops and the Ordalians. All that was left were a couple other kids and myself."

Oh...

"You look so horrified, Reis," she observes.

I stare at her. What else can I be? "It's...war is so..."

I can't stand it.

People treat each other so horribly, and then they go as far as to rationalize what they've done as 'the right thing to do'.

'The right thing to do'...what is that?

I'm sure that 'the right thing to do' isn't to kill each other over land or because other people don't believe in what you believe in.

"It's a common story in the Lionel region." Her lips are a pale, thin line on her face. "Everyone...almost everyone here could tell you about the war effort in Zeltennia, in Bervenia, in Fovoham and Limberry. Most of the people here ran away from the war, holding their hands to their ears and trying to block out any news about it. The Church helps out on that front too, and everybody is happy because they're not out there." She chuckles bitterly. "We've all run..."

"I...haven't." It's not a lie, because I'm sure she just means physically.

Otherwise, I'm just like everyone else.

She studies me. "Where is your family?"

...? "Gone," I whisper after a long moment.

"Dead?"

I suppress a sudden feeling of irritation. "Gone."

"Ah," she says casually, which angers me because she didn't have to think that my family is...dead, because I can't remember anything like that. If I can't remember it, it couldn't have happened.

'Dead' is such a final word...

"Everybody runs," Peppermint states, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, "there's no one in the world who can claim otherwise. But I was talking about the destruction of Najak. The other orphans and I traveled to Riovanes castle town, where we all became street rats." She takes in my confused expression. "Basically, we resorted to petty thievery in order to survive."

"That sounds hard..." I murmur, and she nods slightly.

"Sure, but then again you're saying that while living in a church and receiving free food and board, all while making money off the fact that you can read. When you're starving, homeless, and constantly running from adults, even someone like you can become motivated enough to steal for a living." She looks off to the side, this time through the holes in the outer wall.

...I didn't think that people actually could live off of that. But...I have to admit that it never crossed my mind in the first place.

That man who tried to steal my valise when I first arrived...was he just trying to live to see the next day?

There really is no 'right', is there?

"One day I was caught and brought to the castle. They were going to cut off my head, but Duke Barinten wanted to have me enter his 'special orphanage'." She sighs.

'Special orphanage'? "So...it's different from the Church's orphanages?"

Her head quickly swivels around and she gives me a sharp look. I flinch, and her glare softens somewhat. "Church orphanages don't like children who steal, and Barinten's main 'orphanage' was an assassination group of magically gifted children."

...What? "That's...why would a duke have such a thing?"

"The man likes power." She returns to staring at the outer wall. "That's where I learned black magic. I had to sneak around to do so, but I also learned a lot of white magic. But then I turned sixteen and it was discovered that I didn't have any especial magic, so I was placed in another 'special orphanage' out in the wilderness."

Another one? Why are there so many of these false organizations? "What happened then?"

Slowly she draws in a deep breath. "Reis, I like you. I like you a lot. I don't want to tell you something that would lower your opinion of me..."

"I don't care about opinions," I blurt out. "We're friends." Smiling, I reach out and take her hands, which were resting on her lap. She jerks and looks at me. "We're sisters, right?"

"...I wouldn't want to tell my younger sister something like this." Her eyes narrow and her hands tense. Encouragingly, I hold them tightly. "Remember what I told you about sex yesterday?"

How could I forget? I nod.

"Even with someone you love, sex isn't always going to be an expression of love. Sometimes it's just for fun, and that's okay too. But there are some people who think that it's always only for fun, or to dominate another person, and..." She takes in a deep breath and releases it slowly. "Barinten had an 'orphanage' filled with young women who were made to...to service these sort of men. And I...I had to..."

"Don't say anymore," I plead. She bites her lower lip and closes her eyes. Our hands are clutching each other's so, so tightly that it's like our hands are one.

I don't understand. I don't know if I want to understand. But seeing her eyes flare with emotions I can't even begin to imagine, her jaw clenching and unclenching almost hypnotically, and her voice halting and unsure...this isn't the Peppermint I know.

But it is.

That hurts.

The barest silver of her pain...if I took in any more I think it would be too much...

"Two years," she whispers, "two years before they forgot to draw out all my magic power before throwing me into a room with some high-class noble. It felt good to just let go and burn him and that manor to a crisp." Her eyes flicker up to mine. "I didn't even try to help the other girls, I just danced among the flames and cried."

The night before I left for Lionel, I danced among the books. But I didn't cry. I've never cried.

I don't think her feelings were anything like mine, though.

Peppermint's eyes close. "I made my way to Bervenia, not caring if I died in a crossfire or by monsters. I made it and prayed to Saint Ajora for guidance. A kind priest there, Priest Onoti, let me stay at the church. I became a white mage there, then I was transferred to Lionel province, first at Zaland, then Warjilis, before finally staying here."

...Priest Onoti?

--It is a mystery. Head cataloguer Triffre wants to work with her...seems that she rather likes looking at books, though it can't be proven that she can read. What do you think, Priest Onoti?"

"That's fine. Although it isn't possible to help every child with the war raging on, there is a possibility we can help her and give her a new life...--

I...he was the priest who took me to Murond. At least, it could be him.

What a small country this is...

"I first met Takeo in Zaland. He didn't really interest me back then. He was so shy, and he looked younger than me and I didn't even look nineteen." A small smile appears on her face and I feel so relieved to see it. "Back then, I didn't like men at all. They start wars and force us to fight in them. Marriage, from the king and queen to the farmers and chocobo breeders, is only about bearing children. Love and marriage aren't analogous terms in Ivalice, in the Eastern Lands, probably the whole world.

"But when I saw him again here, we started talking and..." She smiles brightly, even though her eyes still don't seem to match it. "He really made an impression on me. This man, who was so shy and so gentle, was also a Holy Knight for no other reason than because he wanted to help people. He didn't have to, considering that he's a foreigner, but he wanted to." She lets go of my hands. "I couldn't help but love him."

It must be wonderful to realize that you love someone.

Where's my wonder...?

"And so..." Peppermint starts, standing up and brushing down her dress, "we're going to meet at the south entrance and head for Warjilis. That's what we planned if this should ever happen. We'll get married there and work on the docks or something. We'll have children with black hair and brown eyes, and we'll teach them that the best thing in the world is to help other people. It'll be hard at first, but it'll be okay."

"Both you and your boyfriend?" That doesn't sound right because if Verden told Peppermint to leave, then the person who told Takeo to leave is... "But that's not right!" I burst out, startling her. "Beowulf told me he wouldn't!"

--I'm no hypocrite--

He isn't...he can't be...

He wouldn't lie to me...

"Beowulf..." The name is drawn out slowly from Peppermint's lips as she stares at me in bewilderment. "Your friend...is Sir Kadmus? The leader of the Lionel Holy Knights' Sir Kadmus?"

I close my eyes. "More than my friend."

Although I'm not sure what that really is...

When I open my eyes again, Peppermint is shaking her head. "I shouldn't be surprised, right? That explains it...well, the rest of it."

Hm? "Explains what?"

"Sir Kadmus told me that he didn't want Takeo to leave," she states. Oh, good... "In fact, I was called into a meeting at seven this morning with Sir Kadmus and Priest Buremonda." She pauses. "It was odd to see Sir Kadmus insisting that I should stay. Those two...I knew they didn't get along very well, but it was scary to see them arguing about my fate."

Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to be there. "Why don't they like each other?"

"I know why Sir Kadmus wouldn't like Priest Buremonda." She looks at me, fidgeting uncomfortably. "When Priest Buremonda first made the announcement, he expected Sir Kadmus to make the same declaration to the knights. But Sir Kadmus said that his job wasn't to tell the knights who they could date. Priest Buremonda then insinuated that Sir Kadmus' refusal secretly meant that he had a secret girlfriend somewhere."

This is sad. It really shows a different side to Verden... "A secret girlfriend?"

She looks down at me, a strange expression on her face. "Basically that he was keeping whores around. He used to always be out of town."

...Oh. But, um... "Should I ask what a 'whore' is, Peppermint?"

Now she just looks pained. "A woman who sells her body for sex."

Oh. "That's horrible for Verden to imply." I'm insulted. Beowulf doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would...buy women. Then again, I'm biased about that.

"That's the general opinion among the knights," she says, sounding relieved. "Takeo once said that until recently, all he would do was work..." The left side of her lips rise, making for a rather sardonic little smile. "Now I understand the 'until recently'."

I stand up, unsure of what to say now. "...How did the meeting go?"

"You see the suitcase, don't you?" Peppermint shakes her head, "I wasn't surprised at the outcome, but I was surprised that Sir Kadmus even tried to argue for me. He even apologized afterward for not succeeding. Does he know that we're friends?"

"Yes," I say promptly. It was one of the first things I had told him once I decided on opening myself up.

"Ah. Well, I should get going." She looks at me and smiles. "Take care of yourself, Reis."

Wait...we were just talking...can't we keep on talking?

I want to keep talking to you. I want to learn more from you. Didn't you tell me yesterday to call you 'big sister'?

--I want to be your brother--

I can't even keep my surrogate family members around.

"Likewise, Peppermint. Please..." Tell me again why you have to leave. "Please write to me."

She nods once, twice. "You too. I want to hear how you and Sir Kadmus are doing."

I nod eagerly. "Yes, of course."

Silence. Unbearable, uncomfortable silence. We both stare at the ground, the walls, anything but each other.

I don't want to acknowledge that she has to go.

Verden...why?

Our eyes meet, time catches up to us, and slowly but resolutely, she picks up the handle of her suitcase and drags it past me. I don't turn, I don't offer to help.

I don't want to prolong this.

--shoop...shoop...shoop--

At the end of the hall, the dragging of the suitcase stops. "Goodbye, Reis."

I lower my head. "Goodbye...Penelope."

She makes an appreciative noise. "Thank you." Then the suitcase resumes being dragged.

I wait until I can't hear that steady noise anymore before I turn around and head for the library.

I want to talk to Verden.

-0-

I tap my pen impatiently against my notepad. The tome is open, scant pages left until the end, but I can't concentrate on the words. Every time I try, I see the letters that make up Verden and Peppermint's names, and a dull ache throbs in my chest.

Everybody keeps disappearing.

And for once, I have someone other than myself to blame.

This announcement...why is it so important that white mages and knights are segregated? I can't think of any viable reasons, and no one else seems to know...

A reason only known to Verden...I can't feel comfortable unless I know.

A rush of air escapes between my clenched teeth. Ah, I'm really tense...

"Oh, good afternoon Reis," Verden's voice has a cheerful lilt to it as his footsteps approach behind me.

My eyes narrow.

Verden walks past me, sitting down in his usual place across from me. Normally, I would be so happy to have a break from translating and talking to a friend, but right now... "May I ask you a question, Verden?"

He looks at me, serenity firmly in place. "I will endeavor to answer anything you ask."

Oh, good. "Please explain to me the logic behind your rule about the white mages being unable to carry relationships with the knights."

"I didn't already tell you? It's actually very simple." His eyes light up, and he actually looks...overjoyed to tell me. "It is out of protection that I established that rule."

Protection? From what? "I don't understand." My face is carefully blank, but my jaw keeps on clenching.

He closes his eyes for a moment, almost as if he were collecting his thoughts. When he opens them again, I've mostly gotten my jaw-clenching under control. "You have to understand, Reis, that men have...urges. I simply do not wish for the white mages, most of them young, innocent girls, to be manipulated into relationships in order to satiate more...sinful desires."

That would be all well and good, if not for the gaping hole in his logic. "Verden," I start softly, "you yourself are a man. Does this mean that the girls should be protected from you as well?"

For a brief moment, his face tightens, his composure drops, and he doesn't look nearly as beautiful as usual. Then everything is back in place. "I am a priest."

What does that have to do with anything? "And they're knights. Do our job descriptions dictate who we are inside?"

"Reis..." His voice is strained, a slight timbre to his gentle tone. "Why do you ask?"

"You let Penelope go from the white mages just because she was with her boyfriend." It's a strain to be so straightforward and harsh on a continual basis, but wholly necessary.

It's a strain, but it's not so hard to get used to.

"Her... 'boyfriend'." An eyebrow rises. "Is that what she told you?"

I'm on guard, because that question seems really...suspicious. "Yes, it is."

"I'm sorry to say that Miss Mintopolous is not a woman with the very best of morals." He pauses, studying my face. I don't know what he's looking for, but I draw on my old habits and keep my face blank. "Do you know anything of her past?"

Slowly my eyes narrow. "Yes, all of it. Why do you ask?"

His light blue eyes slide to the left, then the right, then directly at me. "To get an understanding of how close the two of you were."

'Were'? "'Are', you mean."

He stares at me blankly. "Excuse me?"

"'To get an understanding of how close the two of you are' is what you mean." I take a deep breath. "And we are friends."

He lowers his gaze. "Hearing that saddens me greatly. A woman such as you should not let herself be influenced by someone as...free-spirited as Miss Mintopolous."

"I don't understand what you're saying." The way he refers to Peppermint...it's insulting. "Her only 'crime' is the fact that she stayed with her boyfriend even after you made your announcement. Since when is being in love a crime, Verden?"

Lower lip trembling slightly, he sighs. "I don't have a problem with love, but I do have a problem with how it is expressed on church property. Men walking out of a white mage's room in daylight...what kind of message do you think that sends to all of parishioners? There are standards to be upheld, and even if she hadn't broken the terms of my announcement, she still would've been dismissed because of her utter lack of regard for the Church's image."

"...I see." I can understand that. He has a good point.

No one really does care about what is sleeping inside the lovely cocoon.

"Reis," he says quietly. I look at him. "You realize that you are not exempt from the rule. As long as you reside in Lionel as a woman of the Church, whether it be cataloguer or ward, you are not allowed to establish a relationship with a knight of any rank."

...Too late.

"You've not had lunch yet, have you?" he asks, wringing his hands. I shake my head. I feel numb... "Please, take your lunch break. It's already past two."

"Thank you," I murmur, rising from my seat and heading for the door.

"Oh, Reis?" Turning around, I see Verden's concerned expression and inwardly groan. I want to be left alone right now. "Are you in love with a knight yourself? You can tell me without any consequences, because I know that you are pure-hearted."

...I don't trust that. "No, I'm not in love," and I turn and exit the library.

I wish I were lying.

I wish I knew what the truth was.

-0-

Wandering the shopping street, I try to find something that looks good. Too bad my appetite seems to have completely disappeared.

I can't argue for Peppermint. I can't bring her back. I can't bring back Izlude either. And my family...

Am I really so useless?

Peppermint, Izlude, my family...at least they all aren't alone. And myself...I'm so selfish that I keep grasping at people, even though it seems ordained that I can only spend a short while with them.

Well, Beowulf's still with me.

I stop and look down at the dusty street.

And when will he leave?

I sigh. What a hopeless existence, staying in one place and merely waiting for people to drift by me, then leave.

Can't I move, too?

"Oh, Miss Reis." I look up and see Chiroseau before me. "Good afternoon."

Is it really? "Good afternoon, Sir Chiroseau."

He studies me. "You don't look like you believe your own words."

It's probably because I don't. "I'm sorry."

"Miss Reis, I'm not Kadmus, but...would you tell me what is bothering you?" Chiroseau is so kind. I nod.

"Peppermint left this morning, and I confronted Verden over her." I don't feel like going on... "I feel rather useless at the moment."

Something heavy is on my head, softly patting me. I look up to into Chiroseau's thoughtful expression. "But, if you tried your hardest, doesn't that count for something?"

But it didn't do anything in the end... "It doesn't feel like it counts for anything. It feels like I'm a failure."

"...You know, Kadmus worked two shifts, the seven at night to one in the morning shift as well as the one in the morning to seven in the morning shift." Hearing those words, I feel annoyed. Why is he working so much? "He usually only works one shift because of all the paperwork he has, but he had to take over young Takeo's shift as well."

I look away. And this goes back and affects Beowulf... "I hope he's not doing paperwork right now."

"He shouldn't be." He takes his hand away and I sigh. It was a comforting touch, too... "When my shift ends at seven, should I tell Kadmus to meet you somewhere?"

I smile, a pathetic attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. "That would be really appreciated."

"Don't worry about it." He looks around, his height an advantage over the many women shopping at this hour. "Have you eaten anything yet?"

"No, I'm not very hungry right now." I don't know how I can even think of food right now. It just seems so unimportant compared to everything else.

He keeps looking around a moment longer before looking down at me. "That won't do at all. At least eat something small. It'll give you some energy for when you talk to Kadmus."

I guess that's a good incentive. "Okay, then." We head for a small vendor specializing in dried fruits. We pass by the main gate, and I can see the road stretch out through Bariaus Valley.

How far are Peppermint and Takeo down that road?

-0-

Wearily, I finish the last page during the period where the sun has more or less gone down, but it's not completely dark yet. Finally I won't have to read about Ajora's inane doomsday prophecies! All his talk about people succumbing to demons and that it's easier for people to become evil rather than good...and here I thought I was pessimistic.

Well, I'm done with that.

I close the book and my notepad, then I walk out of the library. I'll proofread my work, then I'll give the notepad to Verden. That's easy enough. Right now, I just want to be with Beowulf.

It's such a warm night, very fitting for late June. I really like it when it's warm. Humming a nameless melody, I turn, walking past the rooms, then turn again to the back of the church...hm? Beowulf is already there, sitting on the sill, his back against the edge of the wall. He seems to be looking out into the approaching night. Is it really that late already?

I stop humming and silently step up to him. "Good evening, Beowulf."

"Reis." He turns his head, a casual smile on his face. "How are you feeling? Chiroseau told me that you seemed depressed."

Maybe just a bit. "Today just wasn't a good day." I look at the way Beowulf is sitting, with his legs on either side of the sill. He looks comfortable. I sit down next to his left leg, which is technically inside of the church, and I stare down at my lap.

"Come closer." I look over at him. He motions for me to come up to him. 'Closer' sounds like a good idea, so I wriggle backwards along the sill until my back bumps against his chest. My legs go over the sides of the sill. It's a good thing I was wearing pants underneath my dress, or else I wouldn't have been able to move so freely.

"Like this?" I settle against his chest and his arms encircle my waist, holding me to him securely. It's like being supported. I know he's there.

Just what I need right now.

"Mm-hm," he murmurs into my right ear. My face heats up and I feel...sort of strange. What an odd reaction... "Is this about your friend?"

I can only be thankful that he knows to whisper when his lips are that close to my ear, or else I'd be in a lot of pain now. "I talked to Peppermint just as she was leaving..." I lower my head. "Then I confronted Verden about it."

His hold shifts slightly. "What did he say?"

"He explained to me why he set up that rule about knights and white mages." I grit my teeth in frustration. "He was implying things that I really...I just..."

I thought Verden was such a nice person. With that calmness that seemed above humanity, it was so easy to think of him as an unattainable being. But the things he's insinuated about Beowulf, about the knights, about Peppermint...

I don't think a nice person would go that far at all.

He's just as human as the rest of us.

"Reis?" Beowulf is holding me tighter than before, and for a second I feel trapped.

Everybody's different than what they present on the outside.

Peppermint's casual straightforwardness and her past.

Verden's gentle tranquillity and his suspicions about everyone.

Beowulf's cheerful kindness and...and...

I frown.

What is he really?

Even I know myself better than I do him. Somehow...that doesn't seem right. "Beowulf?"

"Yes?" he sounds concerned. The things I put him through...I wonder how he really feels about that?

"Are you a good person?" I'm sure it sounds like such a silly, easy question. Of course he's a good person. He's almost too good. But I...

He doesn't respond for a long time. "A good person...what does it mean to be a good person?"

I wish I knew. "I'm not sure."

"Then..." he takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, the air tickling my ear. I don't squirm, anxious as I am to hear his answer. "How about I let you decide for yourself?"

How would I go about doing that? He's been nothing but a good person to me. "Excuse me?"

"It's not something I like talking about," he says quietly, "but for you...do you want to hear about my past?"

I don't want to push him into doing something he doesn't want to do...but at the same time I'm curious. "If you don't want to, then--"

"I want to." The words are rushed, the tone determined. Slowly, I nod.

I want to understand the 'you' that you're hiding from the rest of the world.

Just like I wanted from Peppermint, I want...I want Beowulf to share himself with me.

I promise I'll do the same once I can remember.

And with his lips brushing against my earlobe, he begins to whisper...

-End to Thirteen-

I apologize for the cliffhanger-ish ending. It's amateurish, I know, but there are worse ways to end. Oh, are there worse ways...

The subtitle Express your mind comes from a song by Laputa, a J-rock band.

Reis' outfit...think Momo from Breath of Fire III, but...less tent-like.

Reviewers!

Ah, Jaded Soul, nice to see you again! I took your advice and made the change as soon as I read your review, and thank you very much for catching that. That chapter was almost too long to proofread...anyway, I hope that you won't have to catch me if I stumble again. ;

Luna-chan, I'm so happy that you took time out of your busy schedule to write a review! P Believe me, you'll find out more about the talk between Peppermint and Reis in future chapters. Personally, I don't think Reis would've been all that embarrassed about that talk because she's never been socialized to think that sex is a bad, dirty thing. ; And please, speculate all you want, it's not getting revealed anytime soon. oO You have plot demons? Are those anything like the 'plot bunnies' I read around Are your demons anything like the ones in Disgaea, because if they are, then they must be pretty cool.

Suteki Maiden, nice to see you back! Hm, I don't really know if I do a good job with portraying emotions. A lot of the time I've probably actually dealt with the emotions, and other times I'm just drawing on what I know from drama and psychology classes. I think it's easier on me rather than 'the author is emoting a lot', which I find annoying to read. And yes, Reis/Beowulf is a great pairing!

MavGunloc...I know you from somewhere, don't I? I've read something of yours. I would click your name and find out who exactly you are, but I'm rushing enough as is. Um, I'm not as good as you say I am, trust me. I definitely don't write as good of reviews as you do. That first kiss in chapter 12 was probably my most worked-over scene yet, so I'm really appreciative that you mentioned it. But I am exceedingly happy that you've picked up FFT again!
You're absolutely right that capturing the characters can be the hardest thing in fanfiction writing, but I don't think it's so much 'for the readers' as it is 'for themselves'. This may not make me sound very good, but I don't write for my potential readers, rather because I feel that the characters deserve to be written about. Reading reviews from my readers is just a very wonderful bonus, but I'm happy just as long as the story is out there and it makes people think more about the character(s) being portrayed. It probably also helps that I don't think of the characters as 'inhabiting a game universe' so much as 'this is where they live'. Maybe I'm just fanatical?
It makes me so happy to see that another person wants to follow this story to the end. You take it easy too.

Hey, Mavina. Actually, the Dragoner class has innate Monster Talk, as well as Train and that one monster skill in the squire skillset. Oh, and Two Swords. (You were talking about mediators, I think ) But as far as this story is concerned, Reis can talk to monsters because of her hunter training. And hey, if your food was talking to you, wouldn't you talk back to it? I totally would...
According to this chapter, knights can date anyone they want. Well, 'cept for white mages. Oh, and Reis. Well, blame Verden for it, but he's just being 'protective'.

Well, Zwee, I'm not sure you'll ever come up this far to read this comment, but here goes: I said that 'according to the game, Libra has 'Good' compatibility with Pisces'. I never said 'best', so I fail to see the misconception. And of course their signs have nothing to do with them falling in love, I just stated what seemed like an interesting fact. Besides, of all the fics to complain about misusage of game mechanics, I honestly can't see why you'd pick this one. Thank you, regardless.

Thank you for reading! Whether you're a reviewer or non-reviewer, you're cooler than an Ice Bracelet!

Chapter 14: The Amiable Knight, Beowulf Kadmus: 'Young Beowulf had few problems in his childhood. Born to the dean of magical studies of Lesalia Academy and a noblewoman with an influential ancestry, he was virtually assured of an easy life. However, one of his few problems had to do with his mysterious crimson eyes and crisp blond hair.

Because of this, no one was quite sure who had fathered him.'