A/N: Just a little heads up, I have no idea how long it would take to get from New York to Virginia, but for the sake of this story, I'm just going to say about a week - a week and a half. If you don't think that sounds right, please let me know in a review. Oh and by the way, yes Lucy is a little.....shall we say, out there, but I can't help it, it's fun to write, and she's starting to become loosely based on me which just drives me to make her even more eccentric. So just so you know, there will be a lot of randomness in the duration of this story.
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After leaving the apartment, our two traveling buddies threw the duffle bag in the back seat and hopped in. After buckling up (safety first all) they got back on the road and headed towards their destination. Virginia. Home to the Virginia ham.(that's from the movie The American President) And also home to a very special person. Mort's daughter. He was already filled with nerves and anxiety about meeting her. What would she think about him? What if she heard about the rumors? Would she want anything to do with him?
Think about it. If she knew about the rumors, and didn't want anything to do with you, why would she have contacted you?
..........Good point.
Of course it is.
I just don't want to get there and be a disappointment to her.
Relax. If you keep this up throughout the entire trip, you'll drive yourself crazy.
Right. Relax.
"So, what are we heading to Virginia for?" Lucy finally asked, bringing Mort out of his thoughts.
"My daughter. I have a daughter there waiting for me. I've.... I've never met her before." Mort explained.
"Ohhhhh, that's great.!" she exclaimed, very happy that her new found....friend....was going to be having a family reunion.
"Yeah. I'm a little nervous though." he confessed.
"I bet. But don't worry, we'll have you in tip top shape by the time we get there. I promise you, you'll be ready." Lucy assured him. "Do you mind?" she asked, pointing to the radio.
"No, go ahead."
For the next twenty minutes, Mort would regret that answer more than anything. Unfortunately, Lucy had a thing for one hit wonders of the eighties, and by the time Soft Cell's Tainted Love (I love that song!)came on, Mort had had enough.
Good god, please make it stop!
It's her car, I can't just turn off the radio!
Distracted her! Ask her questions so she has to turn off the bloody thing to talk to you.
"So what happened to your boyfriend?" he asked the first thing that came to mind.
"Oh, you know." Lucy started to say, leaning over to turn off the radio.
Success.
"Things just didn't work out. I came home one day and he was sitting on the couch with that look on his face that just tells you something's wrong. So he went on for about an hour about how he didn't think we should see eachother anymore and blah blah blah. Then he gave me the old line of 'it's not you, it's me.' Which turned out to be true because it was him who was fucking some cheap slut on the side. Go figure eh?" she asked with a look of shock on her face.
"Wow." Mort was speechless.
Hits a wee bit close to home.
No kidding.
"Well......that sucks." Mort supplied. He didn't want to say he was sorry. He always hated when people said that to him.
"Yeah, but hey, it happens." she shrugged nonchantly.
There was a few minutes of silence and Mort was just about to ask her something else when all of a sudden she grunted in annoyance and swerved through two lanes, giving Mort what he was sure a heart attack, before finally pulling onto the shoulder of the highway. She turned off the engine and started rubbing her eyes vigorously.
"What's wrong with you!" Mort asked, more alarmed then ever.
"Uggghhh, contacts." she explained, pointing to her eyes to show Mort they were turning slightly red. "My eyes are killing me. You got the glasses, I got the contact lenses, what a miserable product that is! Oh yeah, put the glass in your eye, it won't hurt. Asshole optometrist, pawn these off on me. He wears glasses, that prick!" Lucy was really starting to vent now, and Mort thought it would be best not to interrupt her.
"Have you ever worn contact lenses?" again Mort shook his head no. "Oh they stink. You'll be talking to someone and all of a sudden one starts moving around in your eye, what a horrible moment that is! 'Great I got a lazy eye. I'm a freak, I can see nine people at the same time!' Oh man they're terrible." Lucy looked over to see Mort looked a little frightened of her. "Sorry, I tend to just ramble on like that sometimes. You'll learn to ignore me." She reassured him.
"Right." Mort nodded along.
"So, how about some lunch?" Lucy asked, trying to get his mind off her little outburst.
"Okay." Mort agreed, partly wanting to be around other people for a little while in case she went off again.
"Good, I know a great little joint about thirty miles away." and with that, she turned back onto the freeway.
After a few minutes she leaned over and turned the radio back on. To Mort's horror, she proceeded to sing along to Hit Em With Your Best Shot. (another great song, not sure who sings it at the moment though) He prayed they would get to this place and quick.
God speed man, god speed.
A/N: That whole thing about the contact lenses is a joke from my favorite stand up comedian, Jeremy Hotz. He is so freakin hilarious. He does his whole act in this voice that sounds like he trying desperately hard not to laugh. Oh man he kills me. And yes, I am a one hit wonder of the 80's freak. Anyways....read and review please.
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After leaving the apartment, our two traveling buddies threw the duffle bag in the back seat and hopped in. After buckling up (safety first all) they got back on the road and headed towards their destination. Virginia. Home to the Virginia ham.(that's from the movie The American President) And also home to a very special person. Mort's daughter. He was already filled with nerves and anxiety about meeting her. What would she think about him? What if she heard about the rumors? Would she want anything to do with him?
Think about it. If she knew about the rumors, and didn't want anything to do with you, why would she have contacted you?
..........Good point.
Of course it is.
I just don't want to get there and be a disappointment to her.
Relax. If you keep this up throughout the entire trip, you'll drive yourself crazy.
Right. Relax.
"So, what are we heading to Virginia for?" Lucy finally asked, bringing Mort out of his thoughts.
"My daughter. I have a daughter there waiting for me. I've.... I've never met her before." Mort explained.
"Ohhhhh, that's great.!" she exclaimed, very happy that her new found....friend....was going to be having a family reunion.
"Yeah. I'm a little nervous though." he confessed.
"I bet. But don't worry, we'll have you in tip top shape by the time we get there. I promise you, you'll be ready." Lucy assured him. "Do you mind?" she asked, pointing to the radio.
"No, go ahead."
For the next twenty minutes, Mort would regret that answer more than anything. Unfortunately, Lucy had a thing for one hit wonders of the eighties, and by the time Soft Cell's Tainted Love (I love that song!)came on, Mort had had enough.
Good god, please make it stop!
It's her car, I can't just turn off the radio!
Distracted her! Ask her questions so she has to turn off the bloody thing to talk to you.
"So what happened to your boyfriend?" he asked the first thing that came to mind.
"Oh, you know." Lucy started to say, leaning over to turn off the radio.
Success.
"Things just didn't work out. I came home one day and he was sitting on the couch with that look on his face that just tells you something's wrong. So he went on for about an hour about how he didn't think we should see eachother anymore and blah blah blah. Then he gave me the old line of 'it's not you, it's me.' Which turned out to be true because it was him who was fucking some cheap slut on the side. Go figure eh?" she asked with a look of shock on her face.
"Wow." Mort was speechless.
Hits a wee bit close to home.
No kidding.
"Well......that sucks." Mort supplied. He didn't want to say he was sorry. He always hated when people said that to him.
"Yeah, but hey, it happens." she shrugged nonchantly.
There was a few minutes of silence and Mort was just about to ask her something else when all of a sudden she grunted in annoyance and swerved through two lanes, giving Mort what he was sure a heart attack, before finally pulling onto the shoulder of the highway. She turned off the engine and started rubbing her eyes vigorously.
"What's wrong with you!" Mort asked, more alarmed then ever.
"Uggghhh, contacts." she explained, pointing to her eyes to show Mort they were turning slightly red. "My eyes are killing me. You got the glasses, I got the contact lenses, what a miserable product that is! Oh yeah, put the glass in your eye, it won't hurt. Asshole optometrist, pawn these off on me. He wears glasses, that prick!" Lucy was really starting to vent now, and Mort thought it would be best not to interrupt her.
"Have you ever worn contact lenses?" again Mort shook his head no. "Oh they stink. You'll be talking to someone and all of a sudden one starts moving around in your eye, what a horrible moment that is! 'Great I got a lazy eye. I'm a freak, I can see nine people at the same time!' Oh man they're terrible." Lucy looked over to see Mort looked a little frightened of her. "Sorry, I tend to just ramble on like that sometimes. You'll learn to ignore me." She reassured him.
"Right." Mort nodded along.
"So, how about some lunch?" Lucy asked, trying to get his mind off her little outburst.
"Okay." Mort agreed, partly wanting to be around other people for a little while in case she went off again.
"Good, I know a great little joint about thirty miles away." and with that, she turned back onto the freeway.
After a few minutes she leaned over and turned the radio back on. To Mort's horror, she proceeded to sing along to Hit Em With Your Best Shot. (another great song, not sure who sings it at the moment though) He prayed they would get to this place and quick.
God speed man, god speed.
A/N: That whole thing about the contact lenses is a joke from my favorite stand up comedian, Jeremy Hotz. He is so freakin hilarious. He does his whole act in this voice that sounds like he trying desperately hard not to laugh. Oh man he kills me. And yes, I am a one hit wonder of the 80's freak. Anyways....read and review please.