DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the FF7 characters used in this story, and (unfortunately) I never will. Square Soft owns all the rights to them...(which is still not fair, but...oh well...)

Author's Notes: Ahhh! More reviews?! You guys rock! I am so glad you like it so far! And now for Chapter 3! I hope you like this Crystalis...because this chapter is for...Vincent! :) Now this one I am really nervous about...but if you read it, tell me what you think! :) This is still two years after the game but it is going to be on a different day. Oh, and Agent 0042? Yuffie is in this one just for you...I hope she isn't too ooc.

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Once Sephiroth and Meteor had been beaten, all of the Avalanche members had returned to their respective homes. Red XIII to Cosmo Canyon, Barret to Corel, Cid to Rocket Town, Yuffie to Wutai, Cait Sith to Midgar in the Shinra HQ, and Cloud and Tifa to Nibelheim (A.N. as you have seen in a previous chapter)...but there was also one other person who had returned to Nibelheim. And that person's name was...Vincent Valentine.

Deep inside the basement of the Shinra Mansion, Vincent stirred in his coffin. He had pretty much just slept ever since he had returned to Nibelheim, but now he was waking up for the first time in two years.

Vincent: (yawns) Well, that was a good rest...hmm...I wonder what day it is?

He had hung a calender on the wall and had trained his pet bat Lucrecia (A.N. Yes, Lucrecia...), to take a marker and put an X over each space for every day that Vincent slept through.

Vincent: October 13th? Ah...my favorite day of the year. It's the only day where nothing goes wrong for me.

That was true in the past, but not today...even if it was his birthday, Vincent had no clue at all how bad this day would go.

Lucrecia:

Vincent: Hello, my pet. How are you today?

Lucrecia:

Vincent: Well, that's good.

Suddenly, Vincent hears a strange noise coming from outside of his room. It sounded like people talking and trying to open the door.

Tifa: Do you think he's in there?

Cid: How in the hell should I know?! Do I look like a damn rocket scientist to you?!

Red XIII: Actually, Cid-

Cid: Yeah alright, alright already! It was a bad analogy okay?! Lay the $#%^ off!

Yuffie: Are you guys done yet? Come on, I wanna get this over with so I can go back to materia hunting!

Cait Sith: You mean stealing?

Yuffie: No! Hunting!

Cait Sith: Uh-huh...sure Yuffie. Whatever you say...

Yuffie: Hey, you haven't always told the truth yourself, you know! Mr. Spy...

Cait Sith: (sniffles!) Now why did you have to go and bring that up?

Barret: Aw now look what ya did, ya stupid ninja! Now he's gone and started cryin' again!

Yuffie: It's not my fault he's over sensitive!

Tifa: Cloud? You brought some of his medicine right?

Cloud: (chewing) Huh? Oh yeah...hold on.

Tifa: Cloud! Those are pills for Cait Sith! Not you!

Cloud: (still chewing) I couldn't help it! (crunch) They were pretty and they looked so yummy...(crunch crunch)...and look at that! They even have a little tiny mog on them!

Cloud holds up one of the pills so that Tifa and the others can see it. Tifa just rolls her eyes as everyone stares at Cloud.

Tifa:

Cloud:

Yuffie: Um, can we please focus on the problem at hand here!?

Cid: Which would be your big damn mouth!? Sure!

Cid raises his spear at Yuffie, but Red XIII intervenes. He growls and then bites Cid right in the butt.

Red XIII:

Cid: Owww! Get this $@%^#& thing the #@$% off me!!!!

Cid begins to run around with Red XIII still biting his butt, and everyone starts to laugh.

Tifa: I always wondered why he ran so funny...

Once Red XIII lets go of Cid, the group allows him to recuperate before turning back to Cloud...who is still happily eating Cait Sith's medicine.

Barret: Awright Cloud, stop eating the damn pills and give em to the over stuffed bear who's suppose'ta have

Cloud: (pouts) Fine then...but I want some later!

Tifa: I'm sure we can have that arranged...it only takes one phone call to reach the men in white suits...

Cloud: Oh my God! They cloned Rufus?! Since when?!

Cid: Not Rufus you damn numbskull! The people who work at the @#^&%$ insane asylum!

Cloud: Oh...okay? Why would we call them for the pills though?

Red XIII: Nevermind Cloud, just ignore them and give the pills to Cait Sith.

Cloud listens to Red XIII and puts the rest of the pills in Cait Sith's paw. Cait Sith sniffles a few more times but doesn't eat the pills.

Cait Sith: (sniffles) I am not an over stuffed b-bear! And I don't n-need them!

Yuffie: Cait Sith, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I was just mad that's all. Will you please take your medicine?

Cait Sith: B-but I don't need it.

Yuffie: No one thinks they need it, but they take it anyway. Just like Cloud, see? He never thought he would need the pills but he took them.

Cait Sith looks past Yuffie to see Cloud standing in front of the door, staring at his sword and laughing.

Cloud: Hee hee, I have a big sword...ha ha ha...hee hee.

Cait Sith: But he's acting funny!

Tifa: Are you sure? He's acting normal to me...

Cait Sith: But, really you guys...I don't need the pills.

Yuffie: Pleeeeease Cait Sith?

Cait Sith:

Cid: JUST TAKE THE DAMN THINGS BEFORE SHE DECIDES TO PLAY FRISBEE WITH THAT SHURIKEN OF HERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cait Sith: (meekly) Okay...

Cait Sith takes the pills and after a few moments a smile appears on his face. He starts to hop around the group and then grabs Cid's spear. He sticks it in the ground and hops around it, happily singing.

Cait Sith: Livin' la vida loca!

Tifa: Oh please no...anything but this!

Barret: Awright! Ya better quit right now ya damn fur ball, before I pump your big stuffed ass fulla lead!

Cait Sith: ...Party pooper!

Red XIII: Now...back to the ORIGINAL problem. We need to find out if Vincent is in there or not.

Cait Sith: Well, that's easy...just call out to him. Here Cloud, use my microphone.

Barret: Well, I'll be a chocobo's uncle...maybe da pills do work.

Cloud: Hee hee...ewww! Man this thing reeks!

Cait Sith: EXCUSE me for having nachos for lunch!

Cloud grimaces but puts the small microphone up to his lips anyway. Everyone watches and waits for him to speak.

Cloud: Vincent! Are you in there?

No reply.

Tifa: Why don't you try knocking instead?

Cloud: Hee hee...okay.

Cloud gives Cait Sith his microphone back and then knocks on Vincent's door.

Still no answer.

Barret: Aw the hell wit' it! Cloud just open the door!

Cloud tries, but the door won't budge. Frustrated, he kicks it once but it still doesn't open. Inside, Vincent is rubbing his temples as Lucrecia flutters above him.

Vincent: Oh no...I completely forgot...they want to wish me a happy birthday...I suppose I should answer them or they'll NEVER leave.

Lucrecia: Squeek! Squeek!

Vincent gets out of his coffin and smoothes his clothes.

Vincent: I'm coming! I'm coming!

Cloud: Did you hear that?!

Red XIII: Yes Cloud, we did. That must be Vincent.

Cloud steps back from the door and it whisks open. The group gasps when they see Vincent.

Vincent: That's a lovely greeting...

Yuffie: You look like you just woke up.

Vincent: (mumbles) No...really? (clears throat) Well, I am a vampire, I do sleep a lot you know.

Cloud: Oh my God! He's a vampire?! Ahhh! Get him Cid!

Cloud goes behind Cid and pushes him toward Vincent. Vincent looks as if he is going to fall over any second now from boredom.

Vincent: Cloud, your stupidity amazes me, yes I am a vampire. And Cid's spear can't hurt me-only a stake can.

Cloud: Cid do you have a stake?

Cid: Does it #^%$&@ look like it?!

Cloud: No...man, you are so useless.

Cid: Thanks, I'll remember that when Christmas time comes!

Vincent: Cloud if I was going to harm you in any way, I would have done it by now okay? Relax...

Barret: Yeah Cloud, it is da man's birthday after all.

Yuffie: Speaking of which, how old are you Vincent?

Vincent: Older than you...

Yuffie:

Tifa: Well, we came to wish you a happy birthday, Vincent. Happy Birthday!

Vincent: Thank you Tifa, everyone.

Vincent nods at them all and then Lucrecia comes flapping out from his room. Cloud looks at the bat with wide eyes, continuing to hide behind Cid.

Cloud: Ahhh......there's a bat! A bat! A FREAKING BAT...!!!!! Cid kill it!

Cid: You better get your lazy, mako-messed-up ass over there and kill it yourself!!!

Vincent: You are NOT killing the bat. Her name is Lucrecia and she is my pet.

Cloud: Who the hell would keep a bat as a pet...? And what is that awful smell?! Did you even shower after our fight with Sephiroth?!

Barret: Seriously, that is one awful stench!

Tifa: Ewww, I smell it now too!

Yuffie:

Red XIII: Vincent, you really should have better hygiene...

Vincent begins to get short-tempered and steps out from the doorway, which had concealed him partially in shadow.

Vincent: YES, I SHOWERED AFTER OUR FIGHT WITH SEPHIROTH!!!!! I SLEEP IN A ROOM FILLED WITH SKELETAL REMAINS AND CORPSES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S GONNA SMELL IF IT'S BEEN LOCKED UP FOR TWO YEARS?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!

Cloud: Hmm, if you put it that way...stinky I guess.

The group stops pinching their noses when they realize that the smell has begun to dissipate, but now that Vincent is in the light...Tifa notices something she didn't see when Vincent first came out of the room.

Tifa: Um? Vincent? What is that on your head?

Vincent:

Tifa: No shit, Sherlock. That's not what I meant.

Cloud: Who's Sherlock? Is he a part of our team?

Tifa: No, Cloud...

Cloud: Who is he then? Do I know him?

Yuffie: No Cloud, you don't...

Cid: (clears throat) ANYWAY...

Red XIII: I believe Tifa was trying to ask Vincent something...

Barret: Yeah, let the woman speak...

Tifa: Thank you, as I was TRYING to ask...Vincent what is on the top of your head? It looks......menacing.

The group starts to take steps back from Vincent who is looking very confused at Tifa's question.

Vincent: Menacing? I can assure you, there is nothing menacing on my head, Tifa. Why are you all backing away like that?

Cloud: Ah, because there really is something that looks menacing on your head?

Vincent, beginning to believe them, turns on his heel and goes back into his room. Next to the calender hanging on the wall, there is a small mirror. Vincent looks into the mirror and let's out a small screech.

Vincent: Ahhhhhhckkkk!!!!!!!!! What happened to my hair?!?!?!?! And why are there little clips in it?!?!?!!?!?!??!?

Mystery Voice: The answer to that, my friend, is quite simple...

The group spins around to see Hojo standing in the middle of the walkway, grinning evilly. Vincent, hearing the scientist; comes out of his room while trying to pull the clips out of his hair.

Vincent: Hojo! Is this your doing?!

Hojo: Indeed it is! First, I took the girl you loved...and now I've come back and ruined your hair! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

Vincent: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! You'll pay for this!

Hojo: Well actually, I already have...you see the styling gel cost 500 gil and the hair accessories were about 120 gil a piece...oh, and the-

Vincent: You know what I meant! You should be dead anyway! Especially after that fight in Midgar!

Hojo: Don't you just love the power of mako? I certainly do...mwa ha ha!

Vincent lets out a low growl and when Hojo and the group blinks, the winged demon Chaos is floating before them.

Cid: Oh #$%^! He's pissed!

Tifa: I really hate it when he does that...

Barret: That is one mean lookin' beast.

Red XIII: Maybe we should get going...

Yuffie: Yeah, that's a good idea, Red.

Cait Sith: Well, ah...happy birthday Vincent...we'll see you later...yeah...

Vincent:

Cloud: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Cid! Get him please!!!!

Cid: You're on your own, kid!

Vincent turns his attention back to Hojo as all of the others start to run back up the basement stairs. Lucrecia flaps out of the way, and back into Vincent's room.

Hojo: Hmm...heh heh...I guess my experiments worked after all...heh heh...

Vincent:

Vincent lunges for Hojo but another mysterious voice stops him dead in his tracks.

Mystery Voice #2: Wait! I want a piece of him too!

Vincent spins around, and Hojo looks past him to see someone very tall and familiar...someone who was ALSO supposedly dead. Vincent transforms back to his original body.

Hojo:

Vincent: ...of a gun!

Sephiroth: Don't call me that!

Hojo: Okay, Sephy.

Sephiroth: Alright, that's enough...step aside Valentine! This monster is mine!

Vincent: It's my birthday! I can do as I like!

Sephiroth: Fine then...geez. (mumbles) Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin today...

Sephiroth and Vincent start advancing towards Hojo who is cackling evilly and mumbling about mako.

Vincent: May I?

Sephiroth: Be my guest...

Vincent: Thank you...on three...one...two...

Sephiroth: Last one there is a Jenova clone!

Vincent: Hey, that's cheating!

Sephiroth: Since when have I played by the rules?!

Vincent: Good point...

Sephiroth and Vincent run toward Hojo and jump him. He tries to get away, but they pin him to the ground too quickly.

Hojo: Unhand me!

Sephiroth: Gladly! Once we're done that is!

They take turns beating him up, and then Sephiroth gives him the finishing blow.

Vincent:

Sephiroth: Good riddance...and now it's your turn, Valentine.

Sephiroth raises his Masamune and charges toward Vincent, who to his surprise...doesn't run but shrugs.

Vincent: Yeah, whatever...

BANG!

Sephiroth:

He slumps over dead as Vincent puts his gun back in it's holster. Lucrecia flaps in to see what all the noise is about.

Lucrecia:

Vincent: Don't worry about it, they can rot for all I care...(yawn)...eh, well...I'll fix my poor hair in the morning...poor cute hair...it took me two decades to get it like this!

Lucrecia grabs a bottle of gel that has fallen from Hojo's pocket.

Lucrecia: Squeek! Squeek! Squeek!

Vincent: Oh this is the best birthday present ever! Now I can fix my hair! You are the best bat ever!

Lucrecia flutters happily around the room and then follows Vincent back to his room to help him fix his hair, and to return to her usual schedule of watching him sleep and counting off the days until he awakens once again.

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~*The End!*~

Author's Notes: Wow...okay this is even longer than the last one! Sorry it took a few days but I've been really busy! I want to thank everyone who reviewed once again! Thank you SO much!!!!! Yay! :) I hope you all like this chapter...I struggled a bit with this one but I hope you guys still find it at least a little funny! I am still new at this so please don't kill me! Please? Well, whether you liked it or not...please review! Thanks! :)