Disclaimer: Square Soft owns all the characters in this story, and unfortunately they are the only ones...: ( Waah!

Author's Notes: Wow! Chapter five! I never thought I'd write a chapter five! Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! I was so surprised at how many people came back to read my story! I haven't forgotten any requests, especially the one for Red XIII, but I usually write a chapter for whichever character I get ideas for first...so this time, I was lucky enough to get one for someone I think a few people have been waiting for...

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Deep inside the North Crater, below the many caverns and caves was the Lifestream. At the moment, it was carrying a very unhappy and restless soul...who just wouldn't be quiet...

Unhappy soul: I cannot believe that scrawny, third-class SOLDIER beat me! I mean how did he do it?! I am the Great Sephiroth! No one has ever been able to defeat me!

Cynical Soul: Until now, that is.

Sephiroth: Oh shut up, Shinra! I don't need to be insulted by some former-exec-turned-suicidal megalomaniac today! I'm having a bad day as it is!

Rufus looks at Sephiroth, and then chuckles at the sight of him.

Rufus: My my...need some Midol?

Sephiroth: Go to hell!

Rufus: Hmm...well, let's see...I'm dead, no longer the most powerful man on the planet, and I'm stuck in this green place with you...I seem to be in hell already.

Sephiroth: Must you always be such a smart ass?

Rufus: Must you always be such a crybaby?

Sephiroth: I am NOT a crybaby!

Rufus: Then I'm not a megalomaniac! And suicidal?! Do you have mako poisoning or something?

Sephiroth: Does it look like it?

Rufus: Can't tell...you still look insane though.

Sephiroth: Watch it, Shinra. At least I didn't just wait for Weapon to kill me.

Rufus: Now what are you talking about?! I did no such thing!

Sephiroth: Oh so what were you trying to do? Stare at it until it got scared and ran away?

Rufus: (pouts) I was petrified...and how was I supposed to know it had enough power to return fire before it died?

Sephiroth: Well it WAS Weapon...created by the planet, to protect the planet against ANYTHING that got in the planet's way...that would include people, artillery, animals-

Rufus: I get the point already! I'm dead okay?! Give me a break!

Sephiroth: If I had a Kit Kat bar I would...(starts to sing the Kit Kat bar song).

Rufus: (rolls eyes and looks around) What did I do to deserve this?

Sephiroth: Everything! Ha ha ha ha! Happy now? You got an answer.

Rufus: Not an intelligent one though...now where were we? Oh yes, you were complaining that Cloud Strife and his band of rif raff beat you, were you not?

Sephiroth: I guess they had a hand in it too...so yes Nosy, I was.

Rufus: I'll ignore that rude remark for a moment, and give you some information you might need about getting out of here.

Sephiroth: Information? Please Shinra, if I wanted information' on that topic, I'd already have found it and be out of here by now!

Rufus: (flicks his hair back) You're pretty confident. Fine then, I won't share my vast amount of knowledge.

Sephiroth: You mean all the air inside your brain, that surrounds the thought of how to style your hair everyday?

Rufus: Don't even go there...

Rufus is cut off by someone laughing, so he and Sephiroth turn toward the voice.

Aeris: Hee hee...having fun you two?

Sephiroth: Hey what are you doing here? I thought I stabbed you.

Rufus: (in a mock announcer's voice) Lifestream to Sephiroth...come in Sephiroth...that's why she's here. Since this is the place people who die, go to!

Sephiroth: Oh yeah, almost forgot.

Rufus: Now who's the airhead?

Aeris: Are you guys done now?

Rufus:

Sephiroth: Yes. So what do you want?

Aeris: To advise you to listen to Rufus.

Sephiroth:

Aeris: Because if you want to get revenge, then he's the one who can help you.

Sephiroth: Fine, I'll listen to him.

Aeris:

Aeris leaves, and Sephiroth turns back to Rufus...who is staring at the swirling, green mist around them.

Rufus: Ready to listen yet?

Sephiroth: (sighs) I suppose so...

Rufus: Alright then. All you have to do to get out of here is do one good thing for the planet while you are back with the living.

Sephiroth: But I was trying to destroy it, why would I want to do something GOOD for it?

Rufus: No one said you have to WANT to do it, just that you HAVE to do it. But hey, it's your choice...either do that, or stay here.

Sephiroth: Fine, I'll try to do something...(cringes)...good. One question though...why is that Rapunzel wannabe letting me out of here?

Rufus: Who? You mean Aeris?

Sephiroth:

Rufus: Because she's just as sick of you complaining as I am.

Sephiroth: Hmpf. So why are YOU still here?

Rufus: I haven't thought of anything good to do for the planet yet...and Aeris told me to help you even though I didn't want to.

Sephiroth: I see...well, I guess I'll be going now.

Sephiroth turns away and floats up to the surface of the Lifestream.

Rufus: Good riddance...

Aeris returns and looks at Rufus...who seems to be holding something back.

Aeris: It's okay, you can laugh now...I know that took a lot to keep a straight face!

Rufus: You have no idea...

Aeris and Rufus start to laugh uncontrollably...since they both had acted like nothing was wrong for such a long time.

Aeris: I can't believe...his hair...

Rufus: Seriously...I mean...come on now...how could you NOT notice that...?

Aeris: Yeah...I think Cloud did more damage to him than the mako did, when he fell in it at the Nibelheim reactor!

Rufus: Ha ha ha! So that's all I had to do to get him out of here?

Aeris: Mmm-hmm, now all we have to do is wait to see what happens.

Rufus: And if he screws up?

Aeris: Don't worry, I've already come up with a plan just in case he does.

Rufus: That's reassuring...coming from someone who was killed by him.

Aeris smacks Rufus upside the head with her staff.

Aeris: Hey watch your mouth Rufus! I'm in charge here so it's not a good idea to piss me off!

Rufus: Hey that hurt! Yeesh! Okay okay already! You sure got tough...

Aeris:

Rufus sighs and floats away to wait for Sephiroth to screw up, so he can go back and tease him again. Meanwhile, back in Midgar with the living; Sephiroth has awoke at the church in the slums.

Sephiroth: Ugh...man I've got a headache...and why the hell did I end up here? I figured Mideel, or maybe Nibelheim...but here? Oh and there's flowers here too...how lovely...

Little Boy: Hey mister! Get up! You're gonna wreck the flowers!

Sephiroth: ...Huh? Oh yes, these wretched things beneath me...

Little Girl: They aren't wretched! They're pretty!

Sephiroth: (groans and stands up) Fine! They're pretty! Is that better for you?!

Little Boy: Don't be so rude mister or you'll be sorry!

Sephiroth: Oh and what are you gonna do?

Little Girl: He'll beat you up!

Sephiroth: (looking skeptical) Ha...I bet he will.

Little Boy: Okay mister you asked for it!

The girl steps back as the boy pulls out a smaller replica of Cloud's Buster Sword.

Sephiroth: What the...?

Little Boy: Mister Cloud gave this to me, he made it so I could defend the flowers!

Sephiroth looks more closely at the sword and realizes it's plastic.

Sephiroth: I'm so scared! Go ahead and hit me with your best shot...even with your sword you couldn't hurt me...

Little Girl: Don't be so sure!

The boy smacks Sephiroth with the sword as the girl kicks him in the shins with her steel-covered boots.

Sephiroth: Ow ow ow ow ow!!!!! Alright alright I give! Get away from me you little brats!

Sephiroth trampled over the flowers trying to get away from the kids, and ruined half of them.

Little Girl: Ha! Did you see that big brother? Just like Miss Tifa showed me!

Little Boy: Yeah I saw it alright. You did a great job sis...maybe someday you can join Avalanche!

Little Girl:

Little Boy:

Little Girl: Thanks big brother!

Little Boy: Hey mister! You better leave and never come back, you here me?!

The little boy waves his sword in the air as Sephiroth runs out of the church, leaving the boy and his sister to fix up the flowers.

Sephiroth: Children...how annoying...owww my legs...ohh...owww...!

Sephiroth limps away from the church and walks out of Midgar. He travels across the area surrounding the city, and finally ends up in the small town of Kalm. Several people stare at him as he heads toward the inn.

Kalm resident #1: Hey doesn't that look like Sephiroth?

Kalm resident #2: Yeah, but remember Avalanche beat him at the North Crater so that couldn't be him...but man that guy's hair is messed up!

Kalm resident #1: Maybe he got attacked on the way here.

Kalm resident #2:

Sephiroth reaches the inn and searches his pockets for some gil. He pulls out 20 gil and gives it to the innkeeper. Once he is in his room, he goes right to sleep and wakes up the following day to find Aeris floating before him.

Sephiroth: Now what do you want?

Aeris: To warn you.

Sephiroth: Of what? You annoying me so much, I'll die soon?

Aeris: No Stupid, I came to warn you that if you don't do something good for the planet within two days you have to come back to the Lifestream for good.

Sephiroth: You mean to tell me I only have two days!? I haven't even found that freaky Jenova clone Cloud yet! How am I supposed to do that AND figure out something good to do for the planet?!

Aeris: I don't know but you had better because at midnight tomorrow night, your time is up.

Sephiroth: Why didn't you tell me before?!

Aeris: It must have slipped my mind...

Sephiroth: (mumbles) Oh like hell it did...

WHACK!

Aeris: What was that?! Are you accusing me of lying?

Sephiroth: OWW!!!!! No!!!

Aeris: Good, it's settled then...

Aeris disappears and Sephiroth is left to rub his head, where she hit him with her staff.

Sephiroth: You people sure have gotten more violent, geez!

He gets up and goes out of Kalm, heading toward the Chocobo stables. He sees the Midgar Zolom from across the marsh and when it comes close, he stabs it and puts it on a broken tree.

Sephiroth: (sighs) Brings back memories...now I need a chocobo so my nice clean boots don't get ruined.

Suddenly, a frog hops out of the marsh and onto his boots.

Sephiroth: Hey get off of those you dumbass amphibian!

Frog:

He kicks his foot outward and the frog flies off, landing with a splash right back into the marsh.

Sephiroth: This planet is really trying my patience!

He stomps away from the marsh and to the stables. When he arrives, he sees the once-filled, fenced-in area empty.

Sephiroth: Just my luck...

Choco Billy notices him standing there, and decides to help him even though he almost starts laughing at his appearance.

Choco Billy: Hey there, can I help you?

Sephiroth: Do you have any chocobos for rent?

Choco Billy: Yes we do, they're in the stables right now...would you like to take a look?

Sephiroth:

Choco Billy led Sephiroth into the stables, and what he saw amazed him. There were red, blue, white, purple, yellow, green, black, pink, and gold chocobos inside just waiting for someone to rent them. Sephiroth eyed the gold one with interest.

Sephiroth: How much for that one?

Choco Billy: The gold one? 360,000 gil.

Sephiroth: Are you crazy?!

Choco Billy just stared at him.

Sephiroth: I see...well then, I'm still tired so why don't you let me sleep on it. Do you have rooms here?

Choco Billy: Yes, you'll have to go to the house if you want a place to spend the night.

Sephiroth: Thank you.

He leaves and goes to the house to find a room to stay in. Later on that night, he sneaks back into the stables and steals the gold chocobo. He rides across to Nibelheim, figuring if Cloud and his friends would be anywhere-it would be there. Letting the chocobo run free, he enters the town. He enters the inn and pays the 100 gil fee, then goes up to his room.

Sephiroth: Maybe I'll get some sleep so I'll be rested enough to beat Cloud and his friends...

Just as he was closing his eyes, Rufus appeared in front of him.

Sephiroth: For Jenova's sake...! What do you want, Shinra?!

Rufus: What do I want? Would you like the main things or my whole list?

Sephiroth: You know what I meant!

Rufus: (laughs) Indeed I do...but I doubt you'll get it with the way you've been today. Aeris and I have been watching you closely and she's quite upset with what you just did.

Sephiroth: I stole a gold chocobo, big deal!

Rufus: It is a big deal. That's why she's upset.

Sephiroth: Then tell her to go talk to a wall or something! Here...take this materia, cast Wall, and let her talk to it.

Rufus: I think you forget who's in charge of your soul.

Sephiroth: (sighs) So what am I supposed to do? Go find it and return it somehow?

Rufus: Well, either that or you have to do TWO good things for the planet now, and I think we both know how hard that will be.

Sephiroth: I can do it!

Rufus: We'll see about that, sweet dreams Sephy.

Sephiroth: Oh go screw a tree or something Shinra!

Rufus: No thank you.

Rufus disappears and Sephiroth drifts off to sleep. The following morning, however...

WHACK!

Aeris: Wake up Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: OWWW!!!!! Would you stop that already?!

Aeris: Only if you show that you will take Rufus and I seriously from now on!

Sephiroth: Oh? When didn't I?

Aeris: Whenever you ignore the fact that if you don't do good here, you will never get your chance at revenge. We have been trying to make that thought sink into your big, stupid head but I guess only my staff can do that!

Sephiroth: Alright relax! I'll try to be more serious about it then!

Aeris: I would hope you do, for your sake anyway...because it won't be the same when you come back if you don't.

Sephiroth: Oh? How so?

Aeris: I'm not going to tell you! Now I suggest you get to work.

Sephiroth: Yes mother.

WHACK! WHACK!

Sephiroth: OWWWW!!!!!!! Fine, yes Aeris!

Aeris smiles and then disappears again, leaving him to try once more to do good. He heads out to the town, noticing that there are a lot of people outside already. He looks around at all the houses, and then spots Cloud's old one. Cloud is sitting in the back yard with Tifa, talking and drinking some lemonade.

Sephiroth: Hmpf...if I can at least kill those two, I'll be happy enough.

Surprisingly, as he begins to walk toward their house something comes flying in his direction, knocking him unconscious to the ground. It was a shuriken...that belonged to none other than Yuffie.

Yuffie: Whoops!!! Oh boy, sorry there! (mumbles) Man that guy's weird looking-he looks just like Sephiroth! Ha! I wonder what happened to his hair?! Boy that's really messed up! Hey...I wonder if he's got any materia?

Yuffie runs over and picks up her shuriken, and then she begins to look for any materia she can find.

Yuffie: Let's see here...Comet...Ultima...Full Cure...Destroy...Revive...Gravity......ooh and Super Nova!!! Nice!!!!! I can make a fortune with these!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!

Yuffie grabs all of the materia and runs to the nearest shop. She sees Red XIII buying some potions, and joins him when he goes to the bar to visit with Barret, Cait Sith, Cid, and Vincent.

Yuffie: Hey you guys!

Cait Sith: Hey Yuffie! Hey Red XIII!

Cid: I'll order them some drinks, be right back.

Cid leaves as they sit down at the table.

Barret: Hey ninja, whatcha got there in your bag?

Vincent: It looks like it's going to burst.

Yuffie: Oh just some money I got from this materia that I found.

Barret: Looks like a lot. You gonna share, you know...for our Avalanche fund?

Yuffie: Weeeeeellllll...I suppose so. Here you go guys...I'll leave some for Cid too.

Yuffie makes a pile for each of them, each one containing 20 gil.

Red XIII: You know Yuffie, I think you had a lot more there at the-

Yuffie: Hahahahahaha!!!!! I don't know what you're talking about Red!

Red XIII: I guess it was just my imagination then.

Yuffie: Yep! But I do have something interesting I can tell you guys.

Vincent:

Yuffie: I ran into this guy outside of the inn and he looks EXACTLY like Sephiroth! I kinda umm...got this Super Nova materia from him too...

Barret: Exactly? We should go tell Cloud and Tifa.

Cait Sith: Good idea.

Cait Sith, Yuffie, and Barret get up to go tell them, as Red XIII waits for Cid to get back with the drinks. They go over to Cloud's house and tell him the news.

Cloud: So where's this guy now?

Tifa: If it's really him, I swear to God...

Cloud: Tifa calm down, it most likely isn't since we killed him awhile back...but just in case we should go see where he is now.

Tifa: Alright. Yuffie you lead the way.

Yuffie allows them to follow her over to where Sephiroth lay, but now the spot is vacant.

Cait Sith: He must have left already.

Yuffie: Well, you see I kinda hit him with my shuriken...knocking him out so I don't see how he could get too far.

Cloud: Oh good job Yuffie!

Yuffie: Hey it was an accident! Somebody probably took him to the inn to take care of him.

Barret: Keep your eyes and ears peeled people...he might be back.

The group nods and then returns to their previous activities. Eleven hours later...Sephiroth woke up inside his room.

Sephiroth: Oww...what the? I got hit by something, but what was it...?

He looks at the clock and realizes there are 30 minutes to midnight.

Sephiroth: Oh no! That means I only have 30 minutes to do two good things, AND get my revenge! Damn!

He runs downstairs trying to find something he can help someone with. He sees a little girl in the corner of the room, crying. Seeing an opportunity to do good, he goes over to her.

Sephiroth: What's wrong little girl?

Little Girl: I l-lost my d-d-dolly.

Sephiroth: I'll help you find it then.

After minutes of searching the rooms at the inn, he finds her doll and returns it to her.

Little Girl: Thank you so m-much.

Sephiroth: Don't mention it...

He runs outside, looking around town to see if he can do one more good thing before he runs out of time. He spots Cloud's house across the way. As if on cue, Cloud opens the door and steps out to get some fresh air. Before he goes back in, he spots a tall figure with waist-length silver hair.

Cloud: You...Yuffie was right! You ARE back...

Sephiroth: Hello to you too, Strife.

Cloud grabs his sword as Sephiroth draws his Masamune. Stepping into the light, Sephiroth watched Cloud's expression go from serious to humorous in seconds flat.

Cloud: Oh man! What the heck happened to you?! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! You look like a drowned cat!!!!

Sephiroth: What?! What did you just call me?! No one calls the Great Sephiroth a drowned cat!!!! I've come to get my revenge, Cloud!

Cloud: Revenge?! Looking like that?! Please don't insult me!

Sephiroth watches Cloud almost double over in laughter and then charges him with the Masamune. Just as he is about to slice him in two, Aeris appears and snaps her fingers.

Aeris: Times up!

She and Sephiroth appear back in the Lifestream...but this time it WAS different. Sephiroth was in a bunny suit with kids all around him.

Sephiroth: WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Why am I in a BUNNY SUIT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Aeris: Because you didn't do two good things before you tried to get your revenge, and you ran out of time anyway. So now you must pay the consequences.

Rufus appears out of nowhere, and then laughs hysterically when he sees Sephiroth in the bunny suit.

Rufus: Wow!!! Your plan was really good Aeris!

Aeris: Thank you, now Sephiroth...you must remain here for eternity, with your messed up hair that everyone will laugh at. You also must watch over the souls of the children in a bunny suit at the same time.

Sephiroth:

Rufus and Aeris laugh as Sephiroth prepares to spend the rest of his fate not only in a bunny suit, but also with bad hair!

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~*The End!*~

Author's Notes: Wow...this chapter is really...WEIRD! I don't know how I got it done either...but to me it seems like I jumped around a lot toward the end, and it's not as humorous...but I hope you guys enjoy it! Poor Sephy...I didn't mean to be so cruel by making him have to spend the rest of eternity in a bunny suit...but I couldn't get that image out of my head! Please don't kill me all you Sephy fans!