Disclaimer: If you honestly think I own the rights to FF7, then you can write Square and try to convince them so. (They've stopped answering all of my emails…)

Notes: I remember awhile back someone challenged me to do one of these chapters for Rude…well I accept!!! This one goes out to all the fans of the only bald Turk!

In the conference room on the 66th floor of the Shinra Building, Tseng stood glaring at the clock. He had spent the last 48 hours going over the paperwork for the latest mission and was more than ready to share the information with his colleagues…but apparently, one of them didn't think it was important enough to even bother showing up for the meeting!

And that wasn't even the half of it. The only member unaccounted for was the only one who took his job as seriously as the President! It just didn't make sense! Before Tseng could page said member for the third time, the conference room door opened and in walked a cloaked figure.

Tseng: "You're late…"

Rude: "I'm sorry…the elevator…was stuck."

Reno: "Sure it was…"

Rude: "It was!"

Reno: "Alright! Geez! I was only kidding…"

Tseng: "Enough. We need to start the meeting."

Reno: "(completely ignoring Tseng) so…who's the lucky lady?"

Tseng: "RENO!"

Reno: "Whaaaaaaaatt?!"

Tseng: "I would like to start this meeting sometime today, if possible!"

Reno: "Sure thing, boss."

Tseng: "Thank you. Now…"

Reno: "When?"

Tseng: "Gahhh!!"

Elena: "Reno! Quit playing around!"

Reno: "Oh fine! Go on…"

Tseng took a few deep breaths before continuing. "First thing's first….this is going to be a different sort of mission than what you all are used to."

Reno: "Do we all get ominous-looking cloaks like Rude?!"

Tseng: "No, Reno…but while we're on that subject, Rude could you please remove that article of clothing? It is not included in the 'proper business attire' category of the Shinra Code of Conduct."

Rude shifted uncomfortably before speaking. "I…can't, sir."

Tseng: "Oh? And why not?"

Rude: "Because…"

Tseng: "Yes?"

Rude: "…….."

Reno: "I know why he can't…"

Tseng looked skeptically at Reno, but nodded his head for the other Turk to continue.

Reno: "It's because he's finally partaking in his role as a Jenova Clone! I bet you've grown a whole bunch of silver hair under that hood, haven't you Rude?"

Reno reached over to throw back the hood but Rude shrank back from his outstretched hand.

Rude: "It's nothing like that, Reno..."

Reno: "Then why can't you take the cloak off? Are you nude, Rude? Hey that rhymes! Nude Rude!! Nude Rude!! Rude's a prude about being nude!!"

Tseng: "Reno, you are not helping! Rude, if you have acceptable attire beneath that cloak, I order you to remove the cloak at once!"

Reno: "Besides…we're your best friends! You shouldn't hide stuff from us!"

Elena: "Well…he's got a point there…"

Rude shifts from foot to foot again before shrugging. "Okay! Just…don't say I didn't warn you! This isn't pretty!"

The group nods and Rude discards the cloak. The other Turks are silent for a moment before Reno shatters the peace with an ear-splitting scream.

Rude: "You see! I told you!"

Reno regains his composure and sits down in one of the nearby chairs. "I'm just kidding…now really; what is all of this about?"

Rude: "Don't you see it?!"

Elena: "See what?"

Rude: "The hair!!"

Reno blinks and then shakes his head. "Nope…you're as bald as ever."

Rude rolls his eyes and then points to his chin. "Not there! Here!"

Elena: "Well, duh! That's the same goatee you've had for years!"

Reno: "Yeah, man. Please don't tell me you're just now noticing that."

Rude: "No!!! That's not what I'm referring to at all!"

Tseng: "Then what are you referring to?"

Rude looks over to his boss and then lowers his gaze in shame. Sniffling, he points once again to a spot on his goatee. "…This!"

Reno stares blankly at his sobbing teammate before grabbing a magnifying glass from the table and holding it up to Rude's chin.

Reno: "Well, from what I can tell, it looks the same as it always does, except for…oh NO! Rude…man, I am so sorry…"

Rude: "It's…okay…"

Elena: "What?! What is it?!"

Reno: "It's…oh; I can't bring myself to say it!"

Reno puts his face in his hands and looks away. Tseng taps his foot, waiting for the redhead to continue, but when he doesn't, Tseng slams his fist on the table. "Well, you had better explain, Reno, because if you don't, you aren't getting your next paycheck!"

Reno: "OkayIhavenoideawhat'swrongwithhim,Ijustmadethatup."

Tseng: "Surprise, surprise…well then, Rude, would you care to elaborate?"

Rude wipes his eyes and then answers timidly. "There's…a hair out of place, sir."

Tseng: "Excuse me, what was that?"

Rude: "I said there's a hair out of place, sir."

Tseng stares blankly at Rude for a few moments, finally prompting Reno to start making faces at him to see if he's in a trance. Once he snaps out of it, he lets out a long sigh. "I…see…"

Without any further comments, Tseng starts packing all of his materials back inside his briefcase.

Elena: "Tsengy? What are you doing?"

Tseng: "Resigning."

Reno: "COOL!!"

Elena glares at the grinning Turk before continuing. "But why, Tsengy?! Don't you love us?"

Tseng stops packing and glares at her. "Is the sky green?"

Elena stops and thinks for a minute, but Reno beats her to the answer. "Well, actually…with all of the smog that the mako reactors belch out everyday, the sky does have a greenish tint to its appearance."

Tseng: "YOU SEE?! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!! YOU PEOPLE DRIVE ME CRAZY!!"

Rude: "I thought we were talking about the color of the sky?"

Tseng: "GAHHH!!!!!!"

Grabbing his briefcase, Tseng runs screaming to the window and jumps out of the building.

Reno: "…Well, that was uncalled for…"

Rude: "………He does realize that he just jumped out of a window on the 66th floor, right?"

Reno: "I dunno. If he doesn't…then I'm sure it will HIT him in a few minutes!"

Elena: "Reno! This is your entire fault!"

Reno: "MY fault?! Please! He probably drank some of Hojo's coffee recently and now it's catching up to him…he'll be okay…"

Elena: "Well…what should we do about the mission he was trying to tell us about?"

Reno: "Order pizza and forget about it?"

Rude: "I'm in…"

Elena glares at the two of them, but seeing that she is outnumbered, gives in with a muttered "fine".

Rude: "After that, can we resolve my hair catastrophe?"

Reno: "Sure thing, man."

Rude nods happily and then takes a seat at the table as Reno dials the number for the pizza shop. Little did Rude realize what Reno had in mind to solve the problem…

Two hours later…

After a stuffed Elena had retired to her quarters and Rude had passed out on the couch…

Reno crept over and shaved off his goatee. "There you go! Problem solved! Heh heh…that's what you get for not letting me have the last bottle of gel in the store!"

With a feeling of great accomplishment in mind, Reno left for his own quarters as Rude slept on peacefully.

The following morning…

After awaking feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever obstacles the day presented, Rude got up and headed toward the Shinra employee bathrooms. With a little luck, he had slept his bad hair problem away. The view that greeted him when he looked in the mirror proved he had done a little more than that…

"AIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Inside one of the stalls, Reno snickered evilly. At last, all was right with the world once again…

The end!

Notes: Hee hee!! That was fun to write! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! And don't worry…Rude's hair will grow back………someday……..um, yeah…anyway….gotta go! :)