A/N: Okay, before we get started here I have some news. Not important news, and it has nothing to do with the story, but it's big news nonetheless. So my mom was flipping through the channels yesterday and stopped on the Country Music Channel and called me in the room. So I went in there and was just tickled pink. There was this video on, Girls Lie Too by Terri Clark, and it's about how girls lie and cheat just as much as guys do, and in the video the girl is having a fantasy about..................Captain Jack Sparrow! And I'm telling you, the guy looks so much like Johnny Depp. My mom still doesn't believe it's not him. And he has the quirks and mannerisms down almost perfectly. There's this one scene where they're flirting across the table, and he's trying to be all seductive with a chicken leg! Oh man, it's was the funniest thing. Anyways, that's my bit of news, now on to the story.

A/N2: Anything underlined is Lucy's inner voice, and anything in underlined italics are Lucy's thoughts.

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Lucy's POV

To put it lightly, I was starting to freak out. Think about it, if you just found out the man you had been spending the past week with had a couple of screws loose, you'd feel the same way.

Well well well........I guess this means I was right.

Now is really not the time to gloat.

Oh, but on the contrary my friend, it is. I told you not to trust this guy, I told you he would end up being some lunatic, but did you listen to me? No!

Alright alright, you were right and I was wrong, happy?!

Very much so.

I started sweating, I was so nervous. Just exactly what am I suppose to do? I can't very well go up to him and say 'Hi Mort, turns out you're a wee bit on the nutty side, see ya around.' . Not only would that be rude.......but what if he flips?! Yes, I'm definitely in a pickle now.

I started racking my brain for an idea, but kept coming up with a big fat goose egg. "Oh, this is bad." I whispered to myself. Just then I turned my head to see Mort walking down the pathway with the hugest smile I have ever seen plastered on his face, and his arm around.........air. I went wide eyed at this. "Oh my god! He probably wants to introduce me!"

Awww, isn't that precious.

Shut up! What am I going to say, you have beautiful eyes?

That's a start.

Thanks, you're a big help.

Anytime kitten.

I couldn't help it, I started hyperventilating the closer Mort got to the car. "Oh man, this really bad." While I tried to control my breathing, I suddenly remembered something I heard once about delusional people, something about playing along or else the could become violent. Considering the fact that I can't throw a decent punch to save my life, I figured I'd better go along with this whole thing. "Okay, time to put those acting skills to use." And with that, I stepped out of the car just as Mort reached it.

"Lucy, I want you to meet Maggie." Mort said gleefully, pointing to his 'daughter' . "Maggie, this is Lucy, the lady I was just telling you about, the one who helped me get to you."

Mort's POV

I couldn't believe it. We had only spent a couple of minutes together and already we were bonding like we had been together forever. This was without doubt, the best day of my life. And I wanted to share it with Lucy. She was, afterall, the one who helped me get here.

"Maggie, I want you to meet someone."

"Okay."

We started walking back to the car. I noticed Lucy didn't look so good, but I figured it was just the breakfast we had this morning. But it couldn't have been that bad because she got out as soon as we reached the car.

"Lucy, I want you to meet Maggie." I started. ""Maggie, this is Lucy, the lady I was just telling you about, the one who helped me get to you." Lucy looked a little loss for words for a second, but then regained herself.

"Uhhh, hhh...hi Maggie."

"Hi. It's great to meet you. Thank you so much for getting my dad to me, I can't thank you enough." Maggie gushed, and gave Lucy a big hug. God I love this girl. "Hey, why don't you guys come in. Mom's not home right now and you two look hungry." Maggie suggested. And come to think about it, I was a little hungry, I always get like that when I get good news.

"Alright." I said. I saw that Lucy wasn't moving. Apparently she was a little nervous about going into the house of someone she didn't know. "Come on Lucy, it's alright." I reassured her.

Lucy's POV

I was a little loss for words at first, but then kicked it into to gear. "Uhhh, hhh...hi Maggie." I said nervously.

Everything was silent and I had no idea what was happening. But then Mort suddenly turned towards his 'daughter' as if she was talking to him. "Alright." he said. He started to walk away a bit but then turned towards me again. "Come on Lucy, it's alright." he told me in a soothing voice.

I had no idea what was supposeling going on, but I had to go with the flow, so I followed him. I noticed Mort go for the handle and realized what was happening.

That's so sweet, she's invited you in.

Oh no! This isn't sweet, this is breaking and entering!

I had no choice but to follow him in. Hopefully nobody in the neighborhood would notice. Once we got inside I seen a whole lot of..........nothing.

Mort's POV

We entered the house and I have to say, it was a lot bigger on the inside then it was on the outside. It was lavishly (is that the word?) decorated as well. I was happy to know that Maggie was brought up well. And it seems Lucy was just as impressed as I was, because she just stood there in awe.

"I'm gonna go make some sandwiches." Maggie said as she headed towards the kitchen.

"Okay honey." I turned towards Lucy once Maggie was gone. "So, what do you think?"

Lucy's POV

"So, what do you think?" Mort asked me.

"It's um...........something."

"No, I mean Maggie. What do you think of Maggie?"

"Oh, well she's............" I didn't know what to say.

Okay, as much humor as I'm getting out of this, you really should tell him.

Tell him what?

Oh I don't know, that there is no Maggie and that he's crazy.

And what if he gets violent?

Oh I'm sure you'll be able to think of something.

"Well?" Mort urged me to answer.

"Uh........." alright, it's now or never. "Mort, now don't get mad."

"Mad, why would I get mad?" he asked with a incredulous look on his face.

"Ummm, well about Maggie, there ummm............. there isn't exactly..............there is no................Mort, I don't know what your mind is doing to you, but there is no......Maggie." I said with a wince. And that's when Mort's face completely dropped. Uh oh.

A/N: Sorry about the weird pov switching again. Oh, and I know a house up for sale wouldn't leave the door unlocked, but they had to get in some how, so just use your imaginations.