Within Holy Walls
A Final Fantasy Tactics fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai
I don't own the characters and locations in the game that are presented in this work, Square-Enix does.
I've got my reasons, of course. I don't do things because they're the right things to do', I do them because I might as well. As long as it looks like the better life, I'll take it. For most of my life, I've only thought of myself first, even in the midst of battle.
Some knight I am.
--Beowulf, you're wonderful. You're truly courageous--
What is she seeing that I'm not?
She's brave. I'm not. She does things because she can. I do things because they seemed like good ideas at the time. She's a realist content in her life. I'm an optimist constantly looking for a better option. Her world is filled with as many colors as there are in the cloth shop.
All I see is a world filled with different shades of grey.
----------
Interlude #2: That Person Just For Me
(A Story Told In 4 Acts)
(Part 2: Acts 3 and 4)
(Act 3: The Better Option)
I'm scared.
I'm fourteen, a squire in the Lesalia Imperial Army. I'm not competent enough to go along with the invasion of Ordalia, thank God. But just as we invade them and tear down their villages, their lives, they've been crossing the Larner Channel and doing the same to us. Well, that's where I've been told they've been coming from.
Even if I'm in my home region, I'm still scared.
My boots are crunching into the November snow. My troop was called from Doguola Pass to investigate this small village on Lesalia's border. Another troop had fought a group of Ordalians here and we were sent to help finish them off.
There's a lot of red snow here.
With deep, measured breaths, I approach a house off of the center area by myself. Not enough of us to watch each other's backs. The door's half-broken off its hinges, but it looks better than some of the other houses.
It looks safe.
Nervously, I brush my hair out of my face, my other hand on the hilt of my sword. Kept it two years already. Nothing to be proud of, I use mostly magic anyway. Too scared to get up close. I take another deep breath before stepping over a bit of the door and entering the little house.
There is a scent in the air, invasive with its seeping, mellow quality. So easily recognizable that I just swallow and move on inside in the place. Shouldn't be surprised at that scent, not when my nightmares are drenched in it.
I stop.
The sitting room is the first room. It connects with a tiny kitchen.
There is a body in the kitchen.
I swallow again, already feeling the bile rise from my stomach. Even if I've seen a lot of death already, that doesn't mean that I'm used to it. I don't ever want to get used to it. My legs move stiffly until I'm just about an arm's length away from the body.
The girl.
A pretty girl, if it weren't for the look of absolute terror on her face, eyes bulging and mouth gaping. Long brown hair is scattered everywhere. There's an ugly gash on her throat, large and frayed and red. Her dress is shredded almost everywhere, arms flung out and legs splayed and blood--
I look away, a gloved hand on my throat as I look up, nearly frantic breaths rushing in and out as I try desperately not to vomit.
She has the same hair color as Sis...
...!?
I sidestep the overhand swing of the sword as a man rushes out from deeper inside the house. He swings again in an arc and I lean back too far and fall over. He's screaming as he raises the sword over his head, preparing to cleave me in half and I'm scared, I'm so scared but the girl with Sis' hair is lying behind him and was she this scared, this absolutely horrified and if they make it to the capital will that be my Sis in that same position--
No.
It doesn't hurt as much to use magic, not like it first did. Back then, my mind felt as if it were collapsing on itself. Now it's just a dull, rhythmic thudding as the air around the man's gloves, his gloves themselves are ravaged by thick, hungry flames. His screaming's of a different type as his sword harmlessly falls in front of him.
I won't let this happen again.
I've killed a few people the conventional way, with my sword. The dark blood tends to spray outward, staining me and my dreams at night. But you have to get up to a person to stab or slash at them, and most of the time they aren't just waiting for the deathblow. So I've devised a different way to kill. A nice, safe way.
The knight looks panicked before he starts clawing at his torso with his charred hands. He collapses to his knees, falling over onto the floor as the flames begin to consume his insides. I can feel blood dripping down from my nose and I try to cut the fire spell off, with minimal success.
I'm still alive.
I sit up, knees up to my chest. The lingering scent of blood has been largely overrun by the sour stench of burning flesh emanating from the dead knight's mouth.
What have I become? Deciding how to kill a person, a horrible person, but a human nonetheless in such a cruel way...
The girl with Sis' hair is still silently screaming.
I want to go home...
---
It's dark. I can hear someone, more than one person snoring.
Lionel...right?
I turn over onto my side, staring at the wall.
I hate my memories. A lot of us do. Even now, sometimes I'll be wakened by a strangled cry. Sometimes it's someone else. Sometimes it's me. But we pretend that we never heard, and we vainly try to forget in this safe little region.
We try.
---
Warjilis is a nice place. The scent of the sea, salty and relaxing, is just nice. A bit like Reis' scent, actually...
This is really nice, Beowulf. Thank you for bring me here.
I turn to her. She's smiling at me, the wind blowing her hair behind her. The wind seems stronger in this isolated little part of the beach. I'm glad you like too, Reis, I smile. With a glance towards the waves crashing before us, she looks over at me with a question in her eyes, what is it?
she blushes a bit. God, she's cute like that, I want to go swimming, but I don't know how. Can you teach me?
Of course, but... Our clothes will weigh us down in the water, love, though, when I was a kid I'd just strip down, but now, well...
though her face is blank, she sounds vaguely disappointed. Hm, probably shouldn't have said anything. Her hands go up to her shoulders, where the straps of her dress end in knots to hold up her dress. I've never claimed to understand her interesting fashions, though I'm sure this one isn't a job class uniform.
With a slow, deliberate movement, she loosens the knot on her left shoulder. The front tie falls forward, causing half of the front of her dress to hang precariously off her breast.
...Um, what is she doing? I don't mind, but...
--tptptp--
Well, I... the blush on her cheeks darken, contrasting with her light skin, but with that little smile on her face, it doesn't seem so innocent... it sounds like fun to go into the water. Unless... the smile drops off her face as she stares at me curiously, you don't want to? It's probably cold out there...
--tptptp--
...? Anyway, go swimming? Oh, I want to, I say quickly. Her look doesn't change,
She shakes her head slightly. Are you sure you won't get a cold? It probably won't affect me, but since you're not like me...
--tptptp--
Where is that coming from? This is a beach...eh, doesn't matter. I place my hand on her right shoulder, affectionately stroking the bare skin around the knot. A little cold won't kill me, and anyway, I grin at her, aren't you going to warm me up?
She giggles. then she looks at my hand, oh, did you want to undo that one?
--tptptp--
That's getting on my nerves. Ah, okay, oh good, my voice sounded normal. I bring up my other hand to loosen the knot...why was this so easy for her but not for me? --tptptp-- But finally the thing loosens, and I pull my hands away just as the front part of the dress falls --tptptp-- into her lap, exposing --tptptp-- her chest and it --tptptp-- looks as good --tptptp-- as it feels and --tptptp-- I'd be enjoying this a lot --tptptp-- more if that damn --tptptp-- noise would just stop...
---
I don't bother to open my eyes. I was having a good dream, I mutter, shifting slightly in my hunched-over position on my desk. My right arm, which was my pillow, feels numb...
Those are the rare ones, aren't they? Chiroseau's voice sounds out, and I sigh. If he's here, it's probably for a good reason. I sit up, brushing back a few strands of hair from my eyes. Most of the paperwork on my desk is gone, taken over to the castle instead of Buremonda. Draclau probably needs to look at all of that anyway. Chiroseau has my Goug-made pen in his hand. So that's where that noise had come from.
I shrug. I suppose. Is there something you needed?
Absently twirling the pen about, he nods. I was wondering when you were going to pay all of us who had worked on restoring the town, considering that you offered a sizable bonus.
Money is a very good motivator, I've noticed. I was pretty much the only knight who didn't work on clearing up some of the more damaged areas from The Birthday Incident', mainly because I was dealing with the townspeople's complaints. Nobody died, and nobody was very grateful either. Oh, right, that, and since there's no money out of the allocation the Church gives us for bonuses, this is coming out of my inheritance, is tonight okay?
That's faster than I expected, Chiroseau says, looking a bit surprised, thank you.
Sir Kadmus, Oyama walks into my office, starting slightly when he notices Chiroseau, oh, excuse me, I didn't realize there was a meeting going on.
I shake my head. Don't worry about it, we were just talking, while Reis is definitely the most polite person I've ever known, Oyama could conceivably compete with her for that title, what is it?
Oh, uh, well, on Thursday I have the afternoon shift and I'd like to change it, if that's not a problem.
Hn. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, with today being Monday and well within the three days' notice I need to change the schedule. However, Riola and the now-healthy Mikner also had that shift and wanted to change out of it too. Half the people on a shift trying to switch out of it is annoying to move around. Is something going on that day? It's a little suspicious.
Oyama nods, eyes widening. Yes, the singing princess Anna is arriving.
...Who? Should I know her?
Oyama frowns a bit, she's really famous in Lionel. In fact, she lives in Warjilis. Her full name is Anna Belane.
Warjilis? Belane?
--You don't understand! Those aligned with Glabados could never begin to understand!--
That wouldn't be... She...she wouldn't happen to have been the daughter of the mage Tellah, would she?
I wouldn't know--
Yes, she was, Chiroseau states, giving me an odd look, and he died about three years ago, if I remember correctly.
--Heretic?! How am I harming your precious faith by simply believing in another?--
Hn. Well, I'll let you know about your schedule tomorrow, I say to Oyama, and he helpfully takes the hint and leaves with a murmured word of thanks. Placing my pen down on my desk, Chiroseau walks toward the door. Good, I'd like to be alone right now.
Instead he closes it and faces me. One of yours?
--If you say you aren't as corrupt as they are, why are you doing this?--
I nod slightly. My first.
I had thought it would end...
he takes in a deep breath, still standing in front of the door, does Miss Reis know the full scale of what a Temple Knight does?
I'm sure she knows the definition.
Holy knight which protects the Church from heathens.'
Protects...? What heathens? The faith is carried on in varying amounts in about ninety-nine percent of Ivalice. They just want a nice, round number.
They're never satisfied.
He nods at this. Knowing him as long as I have, I know this means that he'll pry into it later. I don't usually care... he starts, sounding nonchalant, will you be attending Miss Anna's arrival with Miss Reis?
I guess she's here to sing some pretty songs. Reis liked Miss Koizumi, so...I don't really have a choice. She'll most likely want to go, yeah.
now he looks troubled, I thought this relationship was supposed to be hidden?
Well...by all accounts it should be if I don't want Buremonda bothering me, but he bothers me about everything else anyway. And besides, she looks happy just meeting up for lunch... At first.
Chiroseau sighs at this. That would explain the poor job of it, then, yes, I realized that when Buremonda screamed at me about corrupting his' cataloger a couple days after that ball. It's too bad I resisted throwing a fire spell in his face, but I know he would've reflected it right back, but what about Miss Reis? She has to work for that priest, you know.
Dammit, I know. I don't particularly like the fact that I practically have to thank him for transferring her over. I don't think he'll do anything to her, and I don't. He wouldn't be able to justify her transfer to Murond if he gave her an official reprimand, and he can't fire her either, what with the fact that she's a ward and directly under the High Priest's command.
Although...I'd like to see him try and do something to me. I've got a couple questions about where most of the Church funds are going, seeing as they didn't seem to appear when the town needed to be fixed up.
Well, I'll take your word for it, I really like how he said that in such an unconvincing tone, but is it really such a good idea to go see this singer, all things considering?
Considering what, that I murdered the singer's father because he was just some old man raving about the injustices of the Church and that there are whales capable of flying to the moon? If Reis wants to go, I'll go with her, talking about all of this is irritating, to say the least.
He nods at this, though definitely not in agreement. It's silent for a bit. Good. There's a reason why I needed that money soon, he sounds older than he looks all of a sudden.
Why's that? I ask out of politeness.
He smiles a bit. Gariland Magic Academy has a horribly high tuition, but Aimee wants to go to one of the schools, so I want to send her to the best one in the country.
...I remember that Aimee is his daughter, but... Isn't that the school for Hokuten knights?
Yes. I'm surprised you would know, I'm surprised I know too, just about as surprised that his daughter would want to become a knight, especially since Bervenia's standing right next to the war, she wants to become a Shrine Knight. More specifically, she wants to become a Temple Knight.
What? And you're just going to let her? When I have a child, I'll make sure that kid will never, ever get involved with the Church, especially as one of their soldiers. For an institution espousing such high values like love and forgiveness, it's a bit surprising to realize that the Shrine Knights are comparable to the Tens.
I don't want her to, of course, but she's old enough to make her own decisions about her life, now he sounds uncomfortable, I'm just happy that she has such strong faith in the Church.
Faith? She'd do better as a regular Hokuten instead of with those hypocrites, mouthing words of forgiveness and love even while they have us cut down their detractors...I hate it.
But I can't leave. I can't find a better option.
I'm the biggest hypocrite of all.
Even with your status, those are dangerous words to say, Chiroseau stares at me coldly, I don't particularly like everything our job demands, but I have children to take care of. The teachings have allowed me, my children, all Ivalicians to believe they can get through the war and into a better life. What do you have to believe in, Kadmus?
I don't believe in anything. I mean, I don't have a doctrine to guide my life with. Of course there's God, but it doesn't seem like he wants to get involved with his creations. I believe that wars will never truly end. I believe that one day I'll die, and that before then I'll make a lot of decisions that I'll always defend as the best ones at the time'.
However ambivalent I may be, I refuse to place my faith in an institution that hires people like me to make sure their approval rating is unanimous.
But I'll work for them.
Is this really better than Bethla?
Well, there's at least one difference between here and there. I smile, though it feels a bit false. I believe I must be doing something right for Reis to still want to be around me.
Chiroseau doesn't look anywhere near amused. Aimee will find out everything on her own time. All I can do as her father is support her. But considering that Miss Reis will never go into the knighthood, don't you think that she deserves to know what you'll be doing once the future Cardinal comes back?
--Beowulf, you're wonderful. You're truly courageous--
She doesn't need to know.
Why not?
--That may be true, but you're the most important person to me--
Because it's not something she needs to think about.
You can't seriously believe that.
--I've been looking for you...I can help you--
And I can't believe you still seriously have faith in the Church, but we all have our own beliefs, don't we?
Kadmus...are you worried about what she would think about you?
--I love you too--
I look directly into his eyes.
It's the truth.
I'm a murderer. Worse yet, I won't quit. I know how horrible the Church is, how truly rotten the people running it are. I know that.
But my better option hasn't appeared yet, and I want to wait for it.
I just want her to smile a bit longer for me.
Chiroseau starts, but all he's done is pry and ask questions that don't concern him. If he's going to do that, then he's going to listen to everything I have to say.
I...I'm scared that Reis will leave me once I tell her what a Temple Knight--what I really do. It isn't something that I can ignore, I know, though I'd really like to, what do you think of Reis?
He looks at me a little oddly. She's a nice girl, though she seems a little unsure about some things.
What an understatement. She's a wonderful woman, but she was...sheltered, well, that word will do, but you know what I think really helped her? The fact that we went out, that she made friends; basically that she was living a nice, normal life. Buremonda doesn't know a thing about what she really needs or wants, only what he wants her to do. She needs to be treated like a human being, not like some precious heirloom to be taken out of its case every few years or so.
--I'm...I'm used to being alone. I don't even have any friends...--
It was surprising to hear that when we first met. That admission...I think that's what really drew me to her. My own situation wasn't that extreme, but I can understand that feeling, that wanting to reach out to somebody, anybody.
It didn't quite work when I tried it.
Even if Reis was really just blindly groping out for someone, I'm still touched that she chose me.
And as for the Temple Knight thing, I close my eyes, all Reis ever does is worry about things. Inconsequential or not, they're all the same to her. I'm not going to give her another thing to worry about. So please, I don't need to hear about it, slowly, I open my eyes. He's inscrutable at the moment,
I don't mind everybody and their fiancé asking me about certain aspects of our relationship. They're only going to get so much information anyway. And I understand that Chiroseau feels he should look out for her. Fine. We're all trying to protect her, even Buremonda...though I'd really like to not believe that, but it wouldn't be fair of me to.
But, I prefer to do things on my own time.
I understand, he says quietly, turning around and opening the door. He pauses for a moment before walking away, but, I do worry. I hope you know what you're doing, Kadmus.
So do I.
I won't pretend that I know her thought processes beyond her expressions at any given time. Maybe she'd just brush aside the more brutal aspects of my job. I hope not. She seems to have a higher moral standard than that. I do too, but the fact that I don't do anything with it makes me an even worse person than those who simply don't care.
I should've left a long time ago, but it's...difficult to leave the Church. With the position I hold, there's only two ways to leave: die, or be branded a heretic.
Admittedly, the situations are a bit redundant.
But everything is bound to get better. It's gradual, but it happens. I really, honestly believe that there's a better option out there. It'll have consequences, they always do, but I'm not that much of a dreamer to believe there is a perfectly painless option. But there will be something good in it, even if it doesn't look like it at first.
It happened even here.
But that option is out there, and I'd like for us to go to it together.
---
(Act 4: A Rejection)
A songstress is coming to town?
I have to chuckle at the formal term Reis used, even as she stares at me curiously from across the table. Yeah. Since you liked Miss Koizumi, I thought you'd like to see Miss Belane.
She nods at this thoughtfully, dipping her spoon into her soup and carefully taking a sip before looking up at me again. Is she as good as Miss Chieko?
Good question. I guess we'll see tomorrow, I even smile a little, trying to get rid of the general bad feeling I've been having about this whole event. I don't know why, but it seems as if Reis has been noticing by the number of odd looks she keeps throwing my way, even when I'm not talking, so, do you want to go?
there's an almost-blank look on her face, except for the slight wrinkles forming on her forehead as she continues to stare at me, that is, if you want to?
Great, she really can tell. Of course I want to, I grin, after all, I'll be going with one of the most beautiful women in Lionel, she sighs at this and goes back to her soup.
I suppose I could've told Reis that I really didn't want to go, but...I'm curious about Miss Belane.
I've got no right, but...
---
It's five, when normally everybody is here in the barracks, but with today being Miss Belane's little singing benefit, everybody left. According to Mikner, who was her bodyguard before he joined the Order, she's always had the idea of going around Ivalice and cheering up the people with her songs.
She's a very devout believer of the Glabados faith.
I kept wanting to cancel this date, but I've never done that before and I shouldn't inflict my own unhappiness onto Reis as well. It wouldn't be fair to her. So now I'm just waiting around for her to arrive, since the benefit is at five-thirty.
--knoknoknok--
That must be her. Eh, oh well. I walk from my bunk to the front door and open it, a smile already on my face. I'm not exactly forcing it either, which is probably a good thing. Reis smiles back. Good evening, Beowulf, that's a cute outfit she's wearing. Have I seen it before?
Good evening. Shall we go? She nods and turns, the skirt of her dress not moving at all. It...the entire dress is practically molded to her figure. It's a cream color, with a darker colored dragon rising from the bottom hem. There's also a blue vest thrown on top of that. I know she doesn't get cold easily, but it is practically mid-September.
Haven't I seen it before?
She's giving me an odd look.
Your outfit is nice, I say, taking her hand. We start walking towards the shopping street, where the benefit is to be held, have I seen it before?
For a moment she smiles very widely, which quickly tapers down into one of her normal, subdued smiles. I was wearing this the first time... she pauses, and I can feel her thumb rubbing lightly against my knuckles, the first time I told you I love you.
Oh...wow. I grin. Oh, now I remember, I squeeze her hand, but, it's a pretty unusual outfit. Are you working outside of job class uniforms now?
She looks down, then back at me, these are from job classes. The dress is from a female dragoon, and the vest is altered from a mediator's jacket.
Great. I feel stupid asking this, since I should know, but... What is a dragoon, exactly?
Ah...aren't they the ones who wield spears...?
Oh, a lancer, weird. That other name must be the original name, or maybe just a regional term, I've never seen a female lancer wear anything close to that. They usually wear a dress of blue and gold over their armor, I sound like I've been staring at the female lancers or something...
Reis shrugs, looking forward. I liked the dragon design.
Understandable. It looks amazing on you, as well as very tight. Not like I mind, but I don't exactly fancy glaring down every man that stares at her, since I do actually want to pay attention to the event at hand.
We make our way to the shopping area, where a large crowd has gathered at the east end of the street. I don't know whether to push through and try to find a spot up front or stay in the back. Looking away from the crowd, I see that some people have climbed up to the roofs of some of the closer stores for a better view...great, this is a security failure in the making...
Miss Anna must be very famous, Reis observes, looking around, I didn't realize that this was such a big event.
Neither did I. I finally found out yesterday that I did sign a clearance for Miss Belane and her entourage--I can't believe a singer needs to travel with so many people--but I think I was half-asleep that day. Well, if nothing else, everybody seems relatively calm. Do you want to try to squeeze through all these people to get up front?
She looks hesitant.
Holding her hand tightly--she doesn't like being around a lot of people--I wade into the crowd, my only weapons being profuse apologies and excuse me's'. I'm in civilian clothing, so it's not like I could order anybody around...and that's not really very fair, is it? Just because I'm a knight doesn't mean that I have--should have--any extra privileges.
Maybe I'm just idealistic, but aren't we all the same in the end?
After a couple minutes, we manage to make it to the front of the crowd. I look over at Reis...she looks a bit miserable. Are you okay, love?
She nods once. I'm sorry...that was a dense crowd, she glances towards the front, then looks up at me, pointing discreetly, is that Miss Anna?
Hm...?
There is a woman in the space designated for her musicians and whatnot, talking with a bard. Long chestnut-colored hair flows over her scarlet cloak, both of which are constantly moving as she gestures animatedly. She looks to be around Reis' age. She's pretty.
So, that's his daughter.
I suppose so, I reply, just as Miss Belane turns to face her audience.
Hello, everyone! As soon as she says this, the din of the crowd immediately lessens. She smiles widely, as if she doesn't have a care in the world. Thank you very much for having me here! Shall I begin? Various musicians take up their instruments--mostly strings and flutes and the like--and they go into a rendition of...something. Sounds like a hymn. Then she begins, her voice following the melody with a sweeping, regal style...it's nice, but boring to someone like me. I mean, if I had wanted to hear a hymn, I would attend church.
After a long time, the melody switches to another hymn. I look over at Reis, who is completely blank. I can't blame her.
I'm surprised...Miss Belane really must be devout, but her father was anything but.
Does she have an inkling as to the organization behind those songs of worship?
Did she see her father's body and realize he was the victim of numerous drain spells?
Does she even care?
...That's too harsh to think. Of course she cares. Of course she doesn't know that the Church ordered it. I'm...good at my job.
But hearing her sing these hymns...what painful irony.
I should tell her the truth.
...What am I thinking? I can't tell her that! Even if it's the right thing to do...even though I'll be the one paying for it with my life if I do...but still, doesn't she deserve to know the truth?
I glance over at Reis again. My beautiful Reis who will do no less than to charge into battle just because she can, just because she thinks it's the right thing to do...
...My girlfriend's more of a knight than I'll ever be.
--Beowulf, you're wonderful. You're truly courageous--
I want to be worthy of those words. Reis has so much faith in me...the least I can do is prove her right.
Is this really the right thing to do?
Looking at Miss Belane, at the joy on her face as she sings hymns to the so-called Saint Ajora...I wonder if I'm going to be doing the right thing.
Is the truth worth my life?
With a rising crescendo, Miss Belane and the musicians finish their latest hymn. Nobody cheers, but I can feel how expectant the crowd is for another one of her songs. Everyone is hungry for entertainment, something new to cross paths with their mundane lives. Lionel really is isolated for the normal person who can't just pop over to Dorter and Gallionne. And even if they could, would they really want to? I've heard that there are famines going on in various parts of Ivalice, not to mention the outright lawlessness with all the knights at Bethla.
Lionel is heaven; at least, the type of heaven that extracts a heavy price for its entrance fee.
Before I finish, I'd like to sing a final song, she smiles easily, gesturing the bard she was talking to earlier to join her at the front of their impromptu stage. Well, I think he's a bard, what with the flashy clothes, long blond hair and slightly feminine features. I can hear girls behind me whispering excitedly about this bard, this is the acclaimed bard Gilbert von Muir of Riovanes Castle, who created this final song in one of the ancient dialects of Ivalice and will be accompanying me with the lute, she seems a little too excited about this bard, this is our song, Estrelas', or
The bard begins playing the lute in a very short introduction before Miss Belane jumps in. Because I was tuning out the hymns from before, I wasn't really listening to her voice, but in this song her voice is low and full of body. It's a very skilled voice, even if I can't understand the words.
Cheio de estrelas
Cheio de sonhos da gente
Que espera paz.
I look over at Reis, who I know can at least translate ancient Ivalician. She's smiling now, which is always a good thing. I guess she knows this dialect too?
The song ends quickly, in a flourish of lute and violin. It was a pretty song, too. Thank you very much for coming to this small show, everyone, and good night! She bows to the crowd, then immediately starts talking to the bard. I see some of my men approach Miss Belane, congratulating her on a job well done.
I should tell her.
--The teachings have allowed me, my children, all Ivalicians to believe they can get through the war and into a better life--
So...? Does that make them right? Is having misplaced faith in a bad, immoral institution better than not having any faith at all?
I could tell her the truth. That's something everybody wants to know, isn't it?
--What do you have to believe in, Kadmus?--
I...well, that things will always turn out for the best. Even in the worst situation, there's always a way out into something slightly better. That's still good, isn't it?
Miss Belane is laughing loudly. The murderer of her father is standing some steps away...but she's laughing.
Maybe this is her best situation. With the faith she placed in the Church, maybe she's happy now because of it.
Even if it's horribly misplaced.
What right do I have to take that faith away?
Even if it's the right thing to do...
Isn't it?
Something lightly touches my shoulder, and I turn to see Reis staring at me, her eyes glimmering with an unspoken question. There's only concern on her lovely face. Great, and I promised myself I wouldn't worry her. Sorry about that. Let's go, we turn around, heading back through the alleys.
I'm turning my back on Miss Belane, who deserves to know the truth as much as she deserves to keep her faith in something.
There are so many other victims out there that I'm turning my back on, people who just wanted to believe in something different, something they felt was right. There are probably even more relatives of those victims, daughters and sons and brothers and sisters, parents and cousins, all who deserve to know the truth...
But not at the expense of their faith.
No. No more.
Once Draclau comes back, I'll tell him. Even if he did lead me into this life, he used to be a knight. He'll understand that there's a point when the killing becomes too much. Place me behind a desk, let me patrol, that's perfectly fine. I like doing that. I could justify the killing in the war because that was something I had to do if I wanted to survive. Kill or be killed, that's...not exactly fine, but I'll be paying for that for the rest of my life anyway.
But I had never killed an innocent on the battlefield.
It probably won't work, but all I can do is try.
Reis says, her voice sounding hesitant. I look over at her, you know...you know where I am if you need to talk... she smiles slightly, looking very uncomfortable,
God, it feels great to be cared for. but I feel a little bad about worrying her.
She looks at me as if she were trying to figure out something, then she moves up to me and hugs me. Thank you, she whispers, her head fitted right under my chin. I wrap one arm around her waist and stroke her long hair with my other hand. She's so soft and pliant, but at the same time she's so brave it's almost intimidating.
Oh, Reis...
I'll do it. When Draclau comes back, I'll tell him that I won't kill any more heretics'. He can strip away my Holy Knight' leadership title, my Temple Knight status for all I care, but I won't do it anymore.
But, if he asks for my life as well...then what?
-End to Interlude #2-
Time is relative. This was supposed to go up on the night of 3/3, but then I couldn't log in until 3/5, and by then I figured I would just wait until I was back on my schedule of Tuesday nights.
Anyway, this...this is Beowulf. I really wish I could've fit both parts together for a better flow between the parts, but I'm really sick of 30 pages per chapter. With this Beowulf interlude I wanted to portray a man. A nice one, by all accounts. Probably too nice, it depends. One who, despite his kindness, was also--is also a soldier, albeit the fact that he's not really suited to deal with the consequences of his actions. He's too ambivalent about too many things and just plain unwilling to act unless pushed. Lastly, he's all too aware of his own mortality.
I wanted to portray a man, not a perfect hero.
-FFIV references are abound! Anna, Tellah, whales that can fly to the moon', Gilbert (the spoony bard!) and the song Estrelas', which is a part of the Final Fantasy: Love Will Grow CD. The subtitle of Estrelas' is Gilbert's Lute' and the song is in Portuguese. I was very close to using the title song Love Will Grow', but the instruments in it are too fancy (a piano, chorus and a conductor) and it just seems way too heavy-handed for a message. Oh, and before this sounds like too much of a crossover, Anna and Gilbert are featured in the propositions Poet Gilbert's Thoughts' and Joyous Song for You', where they had a seven year courtship...
Reviewers!
Yeah, Luna, I thought it was pretty weird when I received your signed review, but I figured it had to be cut because I know that at least you use proper punctuation. Guess 's just being weird like usual. Hm...you know, I never even thought of the float bracelet having any correlation to Reis' later dragon skills. I'll say that you're very perceptive, but since so-and-so bracelet' is mistranslated (though I don't know how, considering buresuretto' adds three kana onto buresu'...) well, you're still more perceptive than me.
The Burning Misery...well, you're right, the name seems a bit angsty...or painful, I'm not quite sure which. But then again I really like angst, so it sounds kinda cool to me! Thank you very much for your comments. I feel that if the POV doesn't flow naturally, especially with first-person, then it just ruins the entire thing. As for complex plots...I get a headache when they're too complex, so I've really tried to make sure that everything fits seamlessly so that the plot only looks complex. In reality, this is probably the most simple multi-chaptered story I've ever done.
So, does that mean that you don't write multi-chaptered fics, or that you just can't stand it? Remember, practice makes perfect (except that no one can ever be perfect, but I'm trying to be optimistic)!
Hey, Toastyann. Well, I'd disagree with you because it was a little too sappy for my tastes...at least, The Woman Who Floats With Kindness' is, anyway. I do completely agree with you on the believable dimension' part; if it had been done in Reis' POV it would've seemed pretty out there. Haha...yeah, I was really walking along a tightrope with the activation' part, so I'm really happy that you felt it worked well. Ah, Fushigi Yuugi...I loved that one when I was fifteen, even though Miaka was so blatantly Mary-Sue-ish.
Oh, and a question: how's work going on The Journey'? I haven't had any time to look up any of the stories I used to read.
Thank you for reading! Well, if you have any questions or comments, I'd like to hear--read--them!
Chapter 22: Exploration (Holy Water Complex): You...really feel this way, Verden?