Within Holy Walls
A Final Fantasy Tactics fanfic
By Tenshi no Ai
I don't own the characters and locations in the game that are presented in this work, Square-Enix does.
Oh, Reis. Is it already noon?
Yes. Are you busy? If you want, we can just see each other for dinner...
Hm? I'm not going to pass up a chance to see you twice a day. So, we have...forty minutes?
...Actually, I have to get back at a quarter to one...
Oh, I see. Well then, I guess we should make the most of our time, right?
I was thinking the same thing...
-----
I don't see why exactly it's so important to be reminded in various literature that Ajora is the son of God, the blessed savior who brought the Lord's words and bestowed it upon us. When I think about it deeply enough--which I tend to be forced into while translating--I don't see why his status would be so special compared to the rest of us.
Aren't we all God's children?
So, I don't see why Ajora was so important compared to, say, the local shopkeeper or adventurer. I'm probably biased because of the fact that I wasn't raised to believe in the Glabados faith from childhood onward, but it still doesn't make much sense to me. Is it because he used pretty words to form pretty ideals?
This is my word, the word of the Almighty Lord Himself. Those that disbelieve, that cannot let the warmth of His glow flow from my being into your heart, are nothing more than heretics, living the emptiest of lives. And when your time is up, your soul unshackled from its mortal body and ready for the everlasting paradise that is the Holy Father's home, the Lord shall close the gates of Heaven on you Himself, for you have forsaken His holy words, His all-encompassing love, and for that you are destined to become no more than a pawn for Lucavi.
For someone who holds such all-encompassing love', he certainly isn't very forgiving.
When I'm forced to read such contradicting statements riddled with commas and self-righteousness, I can't help but get annoyed. It paints such a horrid picture of God. A normal father can't afford to be so fickle with his affection; I would think that the father of all would be far less so, if even at all.
I think that everybody must be really desperate to follow such a person who would say such things, and to even bestow the title of saint' onto him. It doesn't seem right for Ajora to be labeled constantly, whether by his own devices or by general opinion, as the son of God', one who touches both humanity and divinity.
Do...do we really need an intermediary to translate our father's intentions to us?
Leaning back in my chair, I flip a few pages back. While I'm near the end of the tome, there is a whole section dedicated to dictating the most notable of Ajora's sermons. Because of his choppy way of talking, it's a very slow and boring process to translate his words. I don't know why I'm doing it when there are countless other books in modern Ivalician that pour over each and every sermon, but I might as well. There was one that caught my eye earlier, one that I just can't help but dwell over. Where...ah, here it is.
My Father, our Lord, has bidden me to bestow His message to we of Ivalice, we, the true believers: we are not bound by His will. Indeed, it is the opposite, for in His boundless love He has granted us the greatest gift of all: the ability to choose our own lives for ourselves. He trusts that we will not be lead astray, but instead will use this boon to better ourselves, to bring us to such a way that we will be approaching our Heavenly Father, although of course never being of His level or surpassing His infinite powers.
God has granted us free will. Although Ajora wasn't completely right in his assessment of free will'--it's extremely rare for a commoner to become a noble, not to talk of a titled one, just by trying--I find it interesting that he would label this as a gift'.
Free will' means that God has no right to shape our lives for us, good or bad.
He has no cause to interfere. He won't stop wars, end famines, save children from becoming orphans in either body or soul. It's up to humanity to control themselves.
That's the curse of free will.
It's like a parenting technique that Mama often used on us. She allowed us to do what we wanted, in hope that we would learn from our mistakes. She didn't stop us from touching the stove while it was hot. I learned from my mistake that first time. For Tyrei it took several more, and it certainly didn't stop him from making other kinds of mistakes.
He seems to live on as the metaphor for humanity as a whole, unlike sensible, timid Quain.
As for myself...well...
It's always been so strange to me, after eight years of closing myself off from the world, from within, to pick up after that enforced hibernation and make choices. I don't have to guide Beowulf like I had to with my brothers, but a lot of my choices still reach out to him, dragging him into the core of the problem whether it affects him or not.
It's a thoroughly uncomfortable feeling, knowing that many of my decisions will affect another person.
There are so many decisions.
-----
Do you like it?
Yeah, it's a great scarf. Very comfortable. So, this why you hid yourself away for over a week. I was really lonely, you know.
I'm sorry...I just wanted to make it as perfect as I possibly could.
You have work on perfection?
...Of course I do.
You're really cute when you blush like that. Anyway, maybe I should get you a scarf too...premade, of course. I don't think I could ever work with a thread and needle quite like you do, love.
I've had a bit of practice...but why? I don't need it...
Hm, well, I don't know how many full-necked blouses you have, but it seems like another good way to hide these marks...
...Oh. You...you have a good point there.
-----
Because of our schedules, I normally see Beowulf once every few days. We go out either to dinner or lunch. I can easily accommodate his schedule, because it's not fair to his knights if he changes their shifts for the sake of our relationship.
Beowulf...is a very fair-minded person usually.
We don't go out for lunch most of the time anymore, though. The barracks are empty around that time. Though, we still keep his office door closed as a precaution.
I'm sitting on his lap, legs dangling off of one of the arms of the chair as my head rests on his shoulder. His arms are around my shoulders and waist; mine are similarly confined to his upper body as well. His scarf is on a stack of paperwork; in fact, it was the one he had been working on when I entered. Only the top button on his jacket is undone, shining gold in front of my eyes. Mine are all undone except for the bottom one, strangely enough.
This is comfortable.
His body shifts slightly in his chair before I feel his lips on my right temple, contradictorily soft and firm at the same time, then again on my cheek. I smile as I turn and tilt my head up, the meeting of our lips accompanied by the now-familiar tingle in my belly strumming up and down like the lute player's fingers did on his lute at Miss Anna's concert. Almost painful in its duration yet pleasant at the same time, this feeling has been occurring more often recently. His fingers brush through a lock of hair by my face, and I reach out with my left hand to grasp his other shoulder, pulling him towards me--
Excuse me, Sir Kadmus... the door begins to creak in protest as it is opened, and Beowulf turns his head towards the door so fast that I barely blink in response.
Wait a minute! And just like that, the door closes. God, doesn't anyone knock anymore? He mutters, looking completely irritated now. I can understand.
I don't knock at your office door, I murmur as I gently move my legs off of their perch and stand up, albeit a bit wobbly from my earlier position. He gives me a small smile as he reaches for his scarf.
You're different. I'm not doing anything I wouldn't normally do when you enter, he eyes my hands--or my breasts, I can never be quite sure anymore--as I try to work the buttons into their proper places, I can help you with that if you like.
Right. The last time you said that, it took you ten minutes, my fingers fumble at the second to last button, but it goes in the second time around, is it okay?
He nods, turning his attention to the door. You can come in now.
The door swings open, and a man who looks like he's from the Eastern Lands comes in. Though his eyes lay upon Beowulf at first, he quickly glances at me, then starts. Oh! Uh, good afternoon, Miss Dular, I bow in response and he quickly refocuses his attention, um, Sir Kadmus, I'm sorry, but there's a disturbance at the south gate that requires your attention.
Oh, I'll be there shortly. Thanks, Oyama, the knight quickly leaves as Beowulf stands up, throwing me an apologetic look, well, duty calls.
Ah... I hope it's nothing too serious.
Me neither, we start walking to the main door of the barracks, it's a little frustrating, though.
I look up at him. What do you mean?
I know what he means.
He shakes his head. I'm not complaining, but I wish we had more time to ourselves, his eyes hold a bit of uncertainty as he glances at me, though I guess I should be grateful we even get any at all. It seems like time is always against us, he laughs suddenly, oh well.
...I feel the same way, but with Bariaus Valley sopping with the torrential rains that have been occurring as of late, it'd be a waste of time, but, I guess we'll have to make do with what we have, right?
Yes, you're right, leaning over, he kisses me high on the cheek, a gentle caress on the cheekbone, I've got the late morning shift tomorrow, and with these rains I'm not planning on dinner anytime soon...unless you want to?
I shake my head. He could catch a cold. Thursday, then?
That's fine, he opens the front door, our eyes greeted with the sight of copious amounts of water falling from the light, day-colored clouds, try not to get too wet.
...You too, there are the loud, thickly splashing sounds of our boots as they stomp into the water, the sound of his footsteps disappearing the closer I am to the church, although I could probably keep tracking him if I liked.
Even if I have to run to and from the barracks in order to spend three-fourths of an hour in a drab office with him and in constant fear of being interrupted, it's worth it to spend some time with him. After all, Bariaus Valley is no longer available to us, and we can't just sit out in some abandoned area somewhere in town and kiss and touch. The physical side of our relationship is just as important as the emotional side--never more important, but the two often entwine together.
We...make do with what we have. We have to. There's no other choice.
If I were to lie to myself, anyway.
-----
The rain's so loud, isn't it?
I don't know. I can barely hear it. I think it's more of those sensitive ears of yours.
Probably...
It's cold in here.
Really? I can't tell...
That's interesting. Can you feel this?
Yes...maybe I should've made new gloves as well?
Your neck's warm enough...I mean, it's okay. My old ones are good enough.
...I didn't know you needed to warm your lips as well.
Well, they're cold too. Can't you tell?
Mm...
-----
Free will requires that one makes their own decisions.
Decisions require making a logical, well-thought choice among a finite number of solutions most of the time. Yet, sometimes one can get away with not making a choice until someone else does it for them, or the decision to magically vanish.
--tptptp--
I stare at all the letters forming words blanketing the coarse paper that fills the space between two thick covers. Everything's there, but I can't make sense of it. Anxiously, my right hand taps out a steady rhythm with my pen. I've sighed out loud four times in the last hour.
I know...I'm thinking about this more than it really needs. That's just something I can't help; I crave mulling over situations that may or may not exist. be one of the latter.
With choices...I'm not used to making them. When I still had a family, it was expected that I would learn how to be a proper hunter, a caring wife, and a devoted mother. I liked that. It was simplistic and safe and I never had to think about the world outside my home. I was there, and the world was right with me. Not having a choice was fine in that setting.
There's nothing wrong in living the way you're expected to.
Then there was Murond. Murond Holy City, the island untouched adversely by the war--even moreso than Lionel. I didn't have a choice to make there, thank God. That was when I sewed almost obsessively, wanting, needing to forget. If I hadn't been eased out of my cocoon by Beowulf's comforting patience, if I had broken the red dragon's seal by myself while I was at Murond, I...there's no way I would've been able to take it.
As disturbing as it is to admit to myself, I needed to run away from that. Without a reason, I'm not strong enough to face anything.
How sad.
Now, I seem to be constantly forced into making decisions. I could've said a decisive no' to Beowulf's date offer, I could've not said anything at all when he kissed me that first time, I could've stayed away from our place that Friday after the ball...there are so many things I could've done.
Why did I do them? I only wanted to pick up some of that natural confidence he had, falling in love was not a factor ever expounded to me in my life.
It's scary, thinking like this. There are so many times that I could've messed up in my choices, so many times I could've just let this relationship blow in the winds.
But somehow, that wasn't an option either.
I lean back in my chair, looking directly up into the glass that is the ceiling of the center of the library. It's not raining today. It's just as well, the constant pitter-patter would've gotten to me after awhile. At least this sort of thinking is fine in its own way.
It would be rude to ask him, but I think Beowulf lets me determine how our relationship goes. It's only rude because it implies he has no control at all.
Oh, that would be farthest from the truth.
But I can't help but wonder what he expects out of it. Truthfully, I don't want to know. That'll lead to other kinds of decisions, like the choice that I don't want to make but it'd be the right thing to do. I just don't want to think about it.
This decision is hard enough as is.
We don't have to only meet in his office to fulfill our physical needs. After seven or eight, the dormitories I stay in are quiet, especially since it's already mid-October. I've got a nice, wide bed. It's annoyingly short, but...it could be worse.
Of course I know what I'd be asking for if I suggested it to him.
Would it be wrong to want that?
I love him. He loves me.
--Ah, sex. Stay with me until the bells ring, and I'll teach you everything you need to know about that word--
I think that, if I had learned about that from anybody other than Peppermint, I wouldn't be nearly so...accepting of that particular solution. It's a good thing I had, though, I mean...these are completely natural feelings, aren't they? Why should I have to deny my feelings? I'm not doing anything harmful to anybody else by wanting to act on them.
And I do...I really want to.
But...logically thinking this out, and making the active decision to tell Beowulf that I feel ready are two different things altogether.
It's...embarrassing...something more than that. I mean, it's so forward to suggest something like that, and to admit that I've spent so much time thinking about it...
I'm perfectly satisfied with what we're doing now. I'm not really in a rush to get it over with or something, I just...
I'm curious.
It's one thing to hear descriptions from another, and something else to experience it. That experience...I really want to share that with him.
I want to share all of myself with him.
-----
Reis, are you okay?
Hm...? I'm fine.
You seem distracted. Are you sure you're alright?
Of course. I was just thinking, that's all.
What about?
...How happy I am to be with you.
...Really?
Of course. I mean...even if you say that to be helped, you have to want it first', I still really appreciate how kind and patient you've been with me. Thank you, Beowulf.
I...ah, well...you've really changed, you know that?
I know. That's why I'm thanking you.
-----
Of course, waiting is an option as well.
It's a nice night, with a dark sky lightly dusted with wispy clouds. There's a half-moon using one of the clouds as a veil, and the stars are sparse. Perhaps they're not planning their campaign tonight?
I didn't feel like sleeping. My mind has been so preoccupied lately that all I do is roll around with a haze of misery clouding my thoughts. If Beowulf was there, he'd just hold me and everything would be fine. I love being held. It's a lot better than being outside in my nightgown and robe and being cold. Even if the weather doesn't affect me very much, I still like warm weather more.
Of course, if he were in my bed, I wouldn't have a reason to be preoccupied either.
Hm. Waiting...I don't like it.
Waiting is not living, it's merely putting something on hold and hoping that something better will happen. That isn't...that isn't the way I want to live now. All waiting leads to is regret, unless you can convince yourself that something good came out of it.
I could never be that optimistic.
I don't want to regret anything. I want to live my life out to the fullest. I have a life that deserves this.
But in this case, it's still a persuasive choice.
Excuse me, what are you doing out here at this time?
Oh. Scarlet. Pushing myself back from the hole in the wall I was staring out of, I look over to my left. She's there, wearing her requisite white mage robe, her arms crossed and hidden inside her large sleeves. Good evening, Miss Scarlet, she isn't exactly the first person that I would expect to talk to me, so I'm not sure what to say... it's a nice night, isn't it?
Wintertime nights in Lionel are usually nice, she says in a bland tone, are you waiting for a nighttime rendezvous?
Eh? Why would you ask that? I'm wary. That's an odd assumption to make.
--...You don't have to look so frightened. I'm not that petty--
Even if that's what she said, she hasn't exactly acted in the friendliest manner towards me.
She simply rolls her shoulders in an elegant shrug. It's what Peppermint used to do. She was only caught because she went beyond the general safety of the nighttime hours.
--Men walking out of a white mage's room in daylight...what kind of message do you think that sends to all of parishioners?--
...Right, I remember. It was the reason why I really couldn't get righteously angry at Verden, other than at his underhanded comments towards her. But still... Is it really alright for you to tell me that that sort of thing is allowed at a certain time?
turning her back onto me, she takes a step forward, then stops, it's not as if you would have to worry about any...unseemly conditions should you decide to take advantage of it.
...
I glare at her turned back, my hands clenching at my sides. Thank you for reminding me, I push out the words painfully through grinding teeth, furious and miserable all at once. I'm reminded every day, so of course I also would need her to toss in her commentary. There's a word for someone like her, I'm sure of it. I think we should both be thankful that I don't know it.
Of course, that was a bit rude of me to say, a bit, is that all? you'll have to forgive me, you don't inspire the greatest feelings in many of us.
Many of us' ...the white mages? All I do is breathe around them on the rare occasion I run into them. Why is that? I wouldn't mind knowing why they dislike me.
Her arms lower to her sides, yet she still has her back to me. I suppose that would be because of Priest Buremonda's attentions towards you, the little extraneous cataloger, compared to us, who actually make a difference in this town. As for myself, you are irritating, but I suppose you have your uses, turning slightly, she looks at me, but, I do sincerely apologize for my earlier comment.
...Hn. I lower my head. I accept your apology, though I'm not sure what to say about everything else. She makes it sound as if they all believe that Verden has completely neglected them for me...and that doesn't make any sense. Why would he do that?
And anyway, one by one, her feet start moving towards the door on the right of mine, as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you like. Everyone should take advantage of the life they have, because not even a healer can bring it back once it's been used up, she reaches out for the doorknob, then glances at me again, but in advance, please keep it down, with that, she enters her room and closes the door.
...Is that so?
-----
Beowulf, can I ask you a question?
Sure, what is it?
Do you...do you think it's a good idea to act on one's feelings alone, even if it means going against established rules?
...Ah, I'm with you, aren't I?
Yes...
Hm...alright, to be honest I think that normally it isn't a good idea, but in special cases--like you, love--it's more than worth it.
Why is it normally a bad idea?
Well, because I'm not a kid anymore. I have responsibilities and, as much as I'd like to push them all away, I can't ignore them for my own wants. And most rules do serve a viable purpose. I can't exactly lead by example if I pick what laws I'd like to follow and ignore the others. It's just not fair at all.
...Oh. I see.
-----
Making a choice is one thing, but going through with it is another.
The shopping area is nearly empty even though it's noon. I bought some thread and cloth in hopes that sewing would distract me. I guess there are some habits that are hard to get away from. But I don't want to go back to my room just yet. Sitting out here is fine.
Beowulf should be around town somewhere since he has to pull a double shift today. I kind of want to go and find him, but he has a job to do. Just because I haven't been doing very much of my own job doesn't mean that I have to distract him from his more than necessary.
Plus, he said something a couple days ago that made me think twice about everything.
--I can't exactly lead by example if I pick what laws I'd like to follow and ignore the others. It's just not fair at all--
Of course, I can't disregard that. It's how he feels, after all. Myself...I just don't know. I don't think it's particularly fair that a priest can tell me who I can and can't date, but it's a law I supposedly have to abide by. Because Beowulf has never imposed that sort of thing himself, I don't think it's hypocritical for him to say that and date me at the same time.
It didn't cross my mind until he said that...but I'd never really considered that he might say no.
It's embarrassing enough as is to make this choice, and especially to follow up on it. To hear him say no for whatever reason...I think I'd prefer to have never even tried reaching out to another person. No matter how he tried to put it, that sort of rejection would be beyond humiliating.
That's the thing about the choices I have to make now.
He has his own choices as well.
I just thought...this progression was natural. Maybe I just don't understand.
Are you okay, Miss Reis?
No. Not really. I look over to my right and up into the worried eyes of Chiroseau. I was just thinking. Good afternoon.
He nods in response. If you're troubled, I could find Kadmus for you. He may still be over at the north gate. I don't think we'll get invaded again if he's just talking to his girlfriend for ten minutes, he grins, although we'll be depending on you to save us again if we are.
I giggle, a strange burst of happiness puncturing through my gloom. Beowulf wouldn't like that very much. He... I look down into my lap as a dark feeling comes over me, he didn't like it the first time.
--When we find this person, or if we run into a monster...I don't want you to fight--
That wasn't very fair of him.
Well, you have to understand that, even with equality, it's hard for most men to let their girlfriends fight alongside them, would it be the same with women and their lovers? he just wanted to protect you.
This discussion...I don't really want to bring up all those old feelings of hurt and irritation. I suppose. No, I don't want to distract him from his job.
As you wish, he runs a gloved hand through his graying black hair, if you like, I'll take his place and listen. I'm supposed to be around here anyway.
I appreciate the offer, but for some reason I'd rather not ask him how to find enough courage to invite his commander into my room at night. There has to be a different angle on this situation... I don't think I'm a very strong person.
He laughs at this, sitting down next to me with his perfect posture. This coming from the woman who killed a behemoth in one blow?
It was two, though it was already dying, it needed the mercy...I needed the mercy. but, I wasn't talking about physical strength, I... frowning, I turn my head away from Chiroseau's attentive face and focus on the roof of the local general store in front of me, emotionally, I'm weak.
Wouldn't it have been easier on myself to say I'm not very strong' instead?
...I don't think I'm very easy on myself.
Emotionally weak people don't leave a safe place in order to fight, his voice is soothing and affectionate, by all accounts, you're very brave.
I shake my head, still keeping my eyes focused on the roof. All these building are so boring. I did it because I felt I had to. It needed to be done, and I was the one that could do it. If there was another that could've done it, I would've stayed.
...Really?
I don't believe you. You're just downplaying yourself now, he sighs lowly, modesty is good, but don't take it too far. You have to be more decisive, more willing to back up your actions.
...Well...
Perhaps it's because the war has hardened me, but I believe that a person has to be willing to make a decision and stick with it, because... I look at him. I can't help it. I want to know... you only have this life. There's only this chance before heaven. Even if you make a choice that no one can agree with, if you have a reason to make that choice, then the only judgment that holds any weight at all is God's, he sighs again, the slight wrinkles on his face looking so much more deeper, you're young, so maybe my words are just words to you, but you should keep it in mind all the same.
I...I like that. That way of thinking that can only be drawn from experience...it makes so much sense.
Why am I brooding so much over this, anyway? It's not like I'm the one deciding for the both of us. All I can do is tell him how I feel, and from there he can make his own choices. It's not one or the other.
With this sort of change, we're the ones making the choice.
-----
Mm...Reis, you seem to be in a good mood.
Is it that obvious?
Yeah. God, you have a great smile.
It's not as wonderful as yours.
...Did something happen? I want to keep recreating whatever it is that made you this happy.
I heard some inspiring words from Sir Chiroseau.
I can do that, too.
... Temple means shrine. It's also the upper part of the face.'
What about it? Hey, what's with that look?
-----
I'm so anxious.
Beowulf's thumb makes light circles on the back of my hand, our fingers loosely entwined as we sit inside the hole in the wall that looks out towards Bariaus Hill. It's been awhile since we last sat here. For such an unobtrusive little place, there are a surprising amount of important memories with this place as a background.
--I'm sorry. I didn't mean to force you into doing anything you're not comfortable doing--
Ah...that wasn't so great of a time, but it was an important lesson in the importance of words and actions. I really hurt the both of us with my recklessness, but telling him then how I truly felt about myself, my many faults, and my apology...I needed that, I think. I needed to make mistakes.
I need to learn.
--It's not something I like talking about, but for you...do you want to hear about my past?--
My poor Beowulf...before then, I couldn't even begin to imagine him as anything more than cheerful' and confident'. At that time, I saw just how he felt about what he'd gone through in his ever-expressive eyes. Pain, loneliness, humiliation...I was so naive to think that he was just two good things in an attractive packaging. And even with all that, he never did what I needed to do to survive, he didn't close off his self from the world.
But, I wish my naive self had been right, if only for his sake.
--As I promised, I brought back something for you--
It hurt. Izlude...and even though later on I remembered...it would've been nice to stay in the illusion just a little more. If nothing else, it forced me to open up to Beowulf.
Reality is...in its own way, it's not so bad.
--So...would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?--
Inwardly I laugh. Even if I hadn't understood at the time just what that meant...God, I can barely believe it! It's been seven months since our first meeting and six months of being together, half a year of understanding, of pain and happiness, of reaching outward and drawing in. Dependence, independence...I'm happy like this, whatever my relationship is with him.
So, what's one more step?
...My heart is beating so fast.
I look over at Beowulf. There's a faint smile touching up the corner of his mouth as his eyes stare out straight ahead of him. After a moment of gazing at him, he blinks and glances over at me. What is it? His smile grows wider and he affectionately squeezes my hand when I smile at him.
My face feels hot...
W-what should I say? Beowulf, I... my smile grows wider as I desperately search for something to say, ...I love you.
That...that's a start...right?
He leans over, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, but he doesn't withdraw afterwards like he usually does. I love you, too, I hear him whisper just before his lips touch mine, slowly--almost achingly so--immersing me in a kiss that is...I can only describe it in an abstract way. It's like...it's like one step at a time into a cool pond, feet squishing into the soft mud until the water brushes up against the underside of the jaw. Every movement in the water brings a new rush of coldness, exhilarating in the sudden feeling, but even just standing still is nice as the body gets used to the water, warming even...then another movement brings a new rush.
In my anxiety, this comfortable, exciting kiss is even greater than it should be, my heart pounding rapidly even as those tingles rush up and down my stomach.
After too short of a time, we pull away, two sets of heavy breathing in the calm night air. All I can see are his dark eyes, and even without their vivid color they're still incredible to gaze into. There's a small smile of contentment decorating his face, standing out starkly among the shadows thrown over him.
Yes. This is perfect.
I breathe out, smiling nervously at his expression of unbridled interest. Oh...maybe I should've written something down to say...I can't think right now... I would like it if...if you stayed with me tonight.
There. I've said it. It's immortalized in the winds, in the earth's memory. Reis Dular, the human/dragon hybrid, has finally said what she has wanted to for the last...month or two. What an amazing miracle!
But the nervousness is still there...in fact, it's still growing.
The night may have splashed itself over his features, but it's easy to make out the distinct look of surprise on his face.
I take another breath. Alright, let's go again. I would like it if--
I...I heard that. I just... he frowns slightly, are you sure that's what you want? Where we're at right now is perfectly fine, so don't feel as if you have to--
It's fine, my two words cut through the jumble he was trying to get out. I don't like interrupting, but I had a pretty good guess of where he was going, I just wanted to let you know that I'm ready, so, I squeeze his hand once, twice and smile, you don't have to worry about me.
He smiles at this, shaking his head. I never minded. I like focusing on someone who isn't me for once, slowly, he begins to grin, Reis, how am I supposed to say yes' without sounding too eager or something?
I can't help it. I begin to laugh, even as my nervousness expands and beings to tumble around and around in my stomach.
God, it feels good.
-----
Reis?
Hm?
Are you nervous?
...Yes.
...Oh. Well, don't worry, you're not the only one.
Really?
Yeah. You know...if at any time you want to stop, I won't mind.
...No, it's fine. We...we made a choice, so let's stay with it. Whatever happens, let's stay with the choices we make.
-End to chapter 24-
Whew...this was hard to work on, what with studying for midterms and miscellaneous things. I really like the style of this chapter, and I hope everyone liked it as well.
This was interesting to write, if only for Reis' decision. Looking back, she's really changed, even if she still has that habit of brooding for days-weeks-months on anything. What really made this chapter fun to write was that I could finally culminate the ongoing perspective of well, I'm really interested in experiencing sex, but...' If nothing else, we can thank Peppermint for her very effective presence on the extremely impressionable Reis. We would also thank Chiroseau too, but...
Reviewers!
It's nice to see you again, Jaded Soul! Are the .hack games really that good? I was interested in them, but I don't want to buy four games if they're really just direct continuations of the same game...sequels are one thing, but the other sounds like a rip-off. Oh, Berserk, I think I watched the first episode of that.
Yay...finally, I've escaped without a grammatical error! Well, the series ends when it wants to end. I, for one, am really sad about it. I hope you like this chapter!
Luna...I'm so not going to respond to half that review. Well, to be honest, Beowulf has a point too. I mean, between his childhood, the war, and his job as a Temple Knight, we should just be happy that he doesn't angst for long periods of time. Even with how important Reis is to him, sometimes a person just needs to be alone.
Congrats on the interview! Well, half the semester has already gone by, so just hang in there!
Ah, the Wiegraf issue again. Um, as admirable a person Wiegraf was before Miluda encountered Ramza's happy little band, he was just human. Lucavi or not, he was already consumed with hatred and grief before he ever went to the Church for help--well, it's why he went to them in the first place. At least, that's how I see it. Please, let's talk about another character...
Otakon? My East Coast friends have been asking the same thing, but I'm a penniless college student. I'm not even going to AX this year! But even if I had the money, I'm not interested in anime or manga anymore. I wish you all the success on your cosplaying, though!
Earth Rincar...um, before I get into your review, were you ever known as (so-and-so) Ninja'? Because I distinctly remember reviewing a Sol/Millia lemon by someone who also wrote a Grandia II fanfic, and I wanted to apologize for the extremely critical way I went about it. Although I stand by my opinion on it, the way I went about it was very harsh and not usually how I try to review. But, um, if you didn't write anything like that, then I've wasted my time.
Anyway...four days? Heh, I'm surprised you didn't quit after the first day! Thank you very much for your compliments, but I must ask: why do you like the Beowulf/Reis pairing so much? I mean...they had three cutscenes. I'm always surprised when people say that, but comparing them to the other FF canon couples...I can't blame you. --
Ah, Holy Dragon Reis...well, I suppose you'll just have to wait and see, right?
Hey, The Burning Misery, sup? Well, I usually update every week at 11:45 (Pacific) on Tuesday nights. Yes, that exact. I'm really happy to hear that you can connect with the story. Your example is funny though, simply because every time I thought about the chapter before I wrote it out, Beowulf and Reis celebrated his birthday. Then again, I'm guilty of not actually planning out very much of this story to begin with.
Can't write, huh? It's okay, Reis sympathizes with you.
Ooh, a magazine. Which one? I could use some reading material.
Thank you very much for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to tell me! If it's a question, chances are it's a plot point waiting to get resolved in the next few chapters...
Chapter 25: Sunrise (Polychromatic Seeds): Reis, would you...will you marry me?